Graham’s Conditions for doing I’m A Celeb.

5:05Graham Norton:So we used to do that. But we used to do all the things. It's like we genuinely did do bobbing for apples, which is essentially waterboarding for children. You had such an idyllic childhood. I mean, bobbing for apples is cruel. It really is. I take her down. And also if I don't drown, all I get is a stupid apple. They were trying to make me eat one. It's good for you. They were trying to force me to eat one half an hour ago, and now I'm killing myself to get one. I know. I don't think I ever recall bobbing for apples. And in the Hastings, do the children come a-knockin'?

5:39Maria McErlane:Oh, do they ever.

5:44Graham Norton:And then they run away screaming and crying.

5:47Maria McErlane:No, not that house, not again. I made the mistake once somebody dropped a pumpkin off for me, thinking I might want one. Somebody had obviously got a job lot, and they left it outside my house. Now, apparently, who knew this was true? If children see a pumpkin, they think, oh, they're in for a trick or treat. So people, you know, I had to say, oh, yeah, no, I did have some, but they've all gone. You're too late.

6:09Graham Norton:Because it does suggest you're part of the fun if you've got a pumpkin outside your house.

6:13Maria McErlane:Have you ever had to do the trick-or-treat thing? When I moved into my old house... I mean, you're celebrities, so if you don't trick-or-treat, then that's, you know, Norton in Scrooge Horror or...

6:23Graham Norton:Well, Norton is in Scrooge Horror because when I originally did it, it was nice because there were just a few kids and they'd come and offer...

6:29Maria McErlane:Was that in the old house?

6:30Graham Norton:In the old house. Yeah, yeah. And I bothered to buy the sweets. And sadly, there weren't that many children, so I had to eat all the sweets myself afterwards and then lie in a sugar coma. Now, there are kind of organized gangs of parents with these children. And it's so, I mean, it's a bit like parentally approved mugging now. I mean, it's just, it's bad. So now, well, as we're in now, I don't think anyone will ever come and knocking. I don't know. It'll be our first Halloween, so we don't know if people come and knocking, but I don't think they will. but it got to the stage in the other one where I would just turn off all the lights and hide yeah, lie on the floor that kind of thing I mean also the kids that come

7:13Maria McErlane:and you go, oh hello, yes, trick or treat they don't do anything, they don't do a trick or a treat so it's just give us some sweets and then you hold out I put on a bin bag, give me a sweet and they just kind of go and gather them all into their skirts or trousers

7:27Graham Norton:and when you hit them then everyone gets annoyed

7:30Maria McErlane:their parents say they're going to take you to court

7:32Graham Norton:I mean, honestly, just trying to teach them a few manners.

7:36Maria McErlane:No one asked you to knock on my door. Yeah. Everyone knows I'm very violent.

7:43Graham Norton:I put that pumpkin outside as a warning.

7:48Maria McErlane:So I guess we're both pretty low on the...

7:52Graham Norton:Yeah, do not come knocking. Listen, time is getting away from us. We need to solve some dilemmas and that is coming up next.

8:02Graham Norton:All right, it's letters of go-go. Letter number one, please. Here we go. Yeah.

8:06Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, my girlfriend burps far too much. She doesn't do it in polite company, only in front of me. So it's mostly a problem at home, but she has been known to do it in restaurants when we're at a table for two. I hate it, capital letters. Her burps are loud and they stink. It's so unbecoming. To make it worse, she thinks it's hilarious. And when I'm visibly disgusted, she finds it even funnier. She says it's sexist for me to ask her not to burp and that she shouldn't have to be ladylike around me. Is she right? And that is from Gavin. Well, Gavin, it looks to me like it might be coming a deal breaker if she doesn't get a grip with this.

8:52Maria McErlane:I think the problem is, obviously, sometimes you need to burp. and, you know, I've seen that thing where they drink an entire can of fizzy drink.

9:00Graham Norton:Oh, yes, and then let rip.

9:01Maria McErlane:On the TikTok and do funny burps. That's a different thing. She's got into the habit of doing this. You not finding it funny has made her probably do it more. And a habit, like anything else, can be broken if you say, no, it's actually, this is going to make her laugh even more though, it's really not funny, it really gets on my nerves, it's unpleasant, you've done it in public I don't like it please can we find out a way of stopping it and you can tell me the things that I do that annoy you

9:34Graham Norton:I wouldn't encourage that and also I don't think this woman's holding back I think she's got something to say she'll be saying it you know he might be a farter which is fine, well none of it's fine well I mean everything that needs to come out there's ways of doing it You know those people who sneeze far too loudly?

9:53Maria McErlane:Oh, that's annoying, isn't it? Because there's no need for it. No.

9:56Graham Norton:You don't actually need to explode when you sneeze.

10:00Maria McErlane:Or the other one of sneezing is when they do it too tinily, when they go, I'm going to sneeze.

10:06Graham Norton:I do sometimes do that. Do you? Yeah.

10:08Maria McErlane:That's just as annoying as a petrol!

10:11Graham Norton:Well, no, because if I'm in the back of a cab or something, I don't want to kind of, you know, splatter the glass.

10:15Maria McErlane:Yeah. But how do you feel about burping? I mean, I think sometimes if you need to burp, you go, oh, I'm so sorry, just say sorry. Just say excuse me or whatever. Then it doesn't sound like you've just gone, la, la, la, la, la.

10:28Graham Norton:Yeah, all mine seems to come out the other end. I don't think I do burp. I don't seem to burp at all.

10:35Maria McErlane:And when you're asleep, obviously, this is, you know, Gavin's girlfriend may have a point if he's a big fodder. When you're asleep, you don't really know what you're doing. Everything just opens up, doesn't it?

10:44Graham Norton:Well, you don't know what you're doing. That's the point. She does know what she's doing.

10:48Maria McErlane:She does know and she's now...

10:49Graham Norton:To be honest, she sounds like a horror.

10:51Maria McErlane:She's developed her into a thing where it didn't ever need to be a thing.

10:55Graham Norton:And she thinks it's funny, and even not being there, it's not. Like, it might be funny once. You know, if you were at a funeral and at the end of a prayer, and you just let out a big, loud burp, that might be very, very funny. Yeah. This, endlessly doing it.

11:09Maria McErlane:But it's very tempting, you see, if you've got a laugh from something once. It's very tempting to repeat it, as you know.

11:15Graham Norton:Yeah, and listen, Gavin, I don't know how long you've been going out with this woman, but as annoying as it is now, it's going to get more annoying.

11:23Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness, yeah.

11:24Graham Norton:It will be the reason, yeah.

11:26Maria McErlane:It might well be that when Gavin first started going out with her, she did a burp, and he thought, oh, she's so real and authentic and down to a...

11:33Graham Norton:My kind of woman.

11:34Maria McErlane:My kind of woman, and it is those things, as somebody famous once said, what makes you fall in love with someone in the first place is what drives you mad at the end. Yes. No, we're not really suggesting to Gavin how he stops this. I'm leaving that to you.

11:49Graham Norton:Well, I would say, I mean, I know this is harsh and extreme, but I would walk away. I think this woman is awful.

11:55Maria McErlane:But I think maybe... You asked me. Yeah, I did ask you. So did Gavin. But maybe Gavin say to her, I promise you, if you keep doing this, I will walk away. Give her a warning and she'll laugh at you. and then next time she does it repeatedly, then you can walk away. Because I just, yeah, I think, I remember once... It's not sexist, by the way. It's just like... Oh, no, no.

12:21Graham Norton:Yeah, I was thinking that. If I was dating a man, he was doing this all the time. I do remember once a gay friend of mine, a couple, and they started living together. Oh, yeah. And one of them would leave his toothbrush on the little glass shelf.

12:37Maria McErlane:Yeah.

12:37Graham Norton:And, you know, and the kind of toothpaste-y water would dribble onto the glass shelf. And he mentioned it several times and it kept happening. And then eventually, he just had to leave a note and saying, I know this is stupid. I know it's a tiny thing, but it has become massively important in my life that you stop doing this. And I can't be responsible for the consequences of what will happen if you keep doing this. So I guess maybe a letter or something, Gavin, or a card to just go, I know we've laughed about the burping, but it isn't funny anymore. And I hope you hear me when I say how much I want you to stop.

13:19Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's a good idea, Graham. And then it can't develop into a row because you leave the letter for her. The toothpaste thing, the toothbrush thing, it's really maddening, though. I would have just, every time he left the thing there. Oh, I see.

13:31Graham Norton:I wondered which side you were on. Because the other side is just the same. Because the other side is like, for God's sake, it's only a bit of toothpaste water on a shelf.

13:37Maria McErlane:I know, but if somebody's told you that annoys them, then really, if you want a happy relationship, listen to them, listen to what they say. I would have taken the toothbrush every time he left it there and put it in the bin.

13:49Graham Norton:I worried where that sentence was going to end. The bin, we're fine, everyone. There were many possibilities. But the bin was best.

13:58Maria McErlane:The bin is best. And so, you know, you've got to get, someone has to hear the message and however you convey that, try and convey it nicely, but then you have to act on it.

14:09Graham Norton:Yes, I thought a note was quite a good thing because, and it worked, by the way. It worked. Are they still together?

14:14Maria McErlane:Yeah, they are together.

14:15Graham Norton:They're married. And I just think it was that thing where he didn't understand how serious it was for the other person. And I think maybe, I mean, I know I'm being bit down on this woman, but maybe she really doesn't get that Gavin, how upsetting this is to Gavin. And if he can communicate that in a calm, reasonable way, if she hears him, she may change her burpy tune. Otherwise, if she doesn't, then it is over because you can't have a relationship.

14:44Maria McErlane:She sounds like one of those people where her friends go, oh, she's such a laugh though, isn't she?

14:48Graham Norton:Yeah.

14:49Maria McErlane:I mean, she might not want to stop burping because that's all she's got.

14:53Graham Norton:But also, do you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking young. I'm thinking this is something she did at college that was hilarious. And in your early 20s, still funny, Late 20s, not so funny. 30, you're sad. You're just a burpy loser.

15:10Maria McErlane:Find something else.

15:11Graham Norton:Yeah, yeah.

15:12Maria McErlane:Farting.

15:13Graham Norton:Move on. Move on to farting. So we see. Yes, the wangers. Now, these are people who've had early eyes on the problems. They did that by emailing us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. What did this batch have to say? Yes.

15:26Maria McErlane:Now, Ryan says, Oh, yes. It sounds like she's getting off on seeing your discomfort. I suggest slipping some washing up liquid into her wine when you're next out. Hey presto, she's now belching a fragrant citrusy aroma. And at the same time, she'll entertain young children with an endless stream of bubbles. Disclaimer, don't actually do this.

15:47Graham Norton:Yeah, no, because I think it might kill somebody. I know there's a picture of a baby on the fairy liquid bottle, which is very confusing, I think, for children. Yeah. Because you've got to think that's meant for me.

15:55Maria McErlane:It'll be funny once, though, the liquid. That's meant for me. Tim, every time she burps, fart. I knew there'd be some of these. Then when she complains, offer a cessation of hostilities.

16:09Graham Norton:Wow. I like it.

16:10Maria McErlane:He used to work for the United Nations, apparently.

16:14Graham Norton:I'm going over the top. A cessation of hostilities.

16:19Maria McErlane:Well done, Tim.

16:20Graham Norton:I believe we have a voice note from none other than Andrew.

16:23Maria McErlane:Oh, hooray for Andrew.

16:25Graham Norton:Dumper. like burps stop being funny surely by the time you finish puberty it's not about being a woman or a man it's about being a mature well-mannered adult

16:34Maria McErlane:run for the door mate

16:35Graham Norton:I'm afraid I kind of agree with Andrew

16:38Maria McErlane:I do agree with Andrew but I'm worried because he sounds so depressed

16:42Graham Norton:he did sound very serious cheer up Andrew he did yes it's a burping woman it's not the end of the world

16:50Maria McErlane:no Sally says you mentioned that your girlfriend burps far too much but what would the desired amount be? Do you burp too? Because if you do, I'm on her side. Why should she have to behave any differently? Well, yeah. Shut up. Yeah. Sorry, Sally.

17:10Graham Norton:But not really. But not really. But not really. You wait ages for one voice note.

17:15Maria McErlane:We've only got another one. It's Kelly. Today's burp is tomorrow's turd. I feel you're on a very dangerous road, a road that leads to other bodily functions being classed as normal. The fact that your girlfriend finds this repugnant act hilarious

17:28Graham Norton:and does it in public is the worst element of this for me. Some things are best left unsaid or unburped. And if she's not prepared to stop, dump her.

17:37Maria McErlane:Oh, there's a lot of dumping. But bodily functions are normal, by the way. But wait a minute, though.

17:42Graham Norton:Did I hear Kelly correctly? Did you say, today's burp is tomorrow's turd? Turd, she did. I chose to ignore that bit. I've sat on the coffee table, isn't that hilarious?

17:52Maria McErlane:I thought she was starting a haiku, but it didn't go anywhere.

17:56Graham Norton:Yeah, I'm not sure burping, you know what I mean.

17:59Maria McErlane:What she's saying is this will...

18:01Graham Norton:Marijuana leads to heroin.

18:03Maria McErlane:This will escalate, yes, of course. But no, it's good to hear from you, Kelly, that was good. And I will keep that in my head. Today's burping is tomorrow's turd. Here's the weather forecast. Helen says, I cannot bear these people, Well, folk who think that... Oh, this is good. She's our kind of person, Helen. Folk who think belching the alphabet and the likes is hilarious. It is not. But therein lies the point. Maybe you and your girlfriend are just different people with different senses of humour. Cut your lottears and go and find somebody classier. Classier. Classier. Well, just polite.

18:42Graham Norton:Less annoying. Well, it was the Andrew thing saying, you know, it stops being funny once you're out of puberty. And I think that's the bottom line, isn't it? Yes. Gavin, we hope we've helped with this particular problem. And hey, if all else fails, you can play her this podcast and then she'll understand how serious you're taking it.

18:58Maria McErlane:Yes, play her this podcast.

19:00Graham Norton:In fact, this is easier than writing a note because you've already written us a note. So save some time and just play the podcast. Yeah. Hey, second dilemma very shortly. This episode is brought to you by EDF, Britain's biggest generator of zero carbon electricity. Now, have you gone electric yet, Maria?

19:16Maria McErlane:Gone what now?

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19:38Maria McErlane:Zero upfront cost. Sounds very good to me, Graham.

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20:08Maria McErlane:UK Fuel Mixed Disclosure Information, published by the Government Department DESNZ, recognises electricity from wind, solar and nuclear fuel produces zero carbon dioxide emissions at the point of generation. For verification, visit edfenergy.com forward slash zero dash carbon. Maria, do we have a second envelope? Yes, we do. Here we are. Dear Graham and Maria, my best friend has recently got engaged and I'm delighted for her. In my gut, I just know she's about to ask me to be her maid of honour, and I really don't want to do it. I love her. We've been inseparable since we were teenagers, but she always likes to make a big fuss on special occasions, and I just know she's going to want a massive wedding and a hen do that'll be dragged out over a whole weekend.

20:59Maria McErlane:I have a busy job and a life. I haven't got time to be in charge of limousines and penis straws. you know how do I respond if she asks me and that is from Natalie first question what is a penis straw well you've never seen a penis straw

21:15Graham Norton:no they sell them in shops for hen do's it's a straw that goes through a tiny little penis and it's hilarious because all the ladies have to sit around a table sucking on a penis oh my goodness

21:28Maria McErlane:and then burping afterwards yes yes exactly

21:31Graham Norton:you drink a lot of Prosecco through a penis and then burp it up

21:34Maria McErlane:I think Natalie the thing is you've got to get in first. You have got to be away that weekend in your busy job doing something extremely important. So how you find out when it's going to be, I don't know. But I think you can't even go to the wedding if you're going to say no to Maid of Honour. Oh, can't you? No. Well, it's going to go down very badly if you say, no, I don't want to. It'll go on too long. We'll have to have penis straws. You know, you're raining on her parade. So rain on her parade big time. prior to her asking you by saying, I think I'm going to be away for your wedding. I'm really sorry.

22:11Maria McErlane:Can we do something another weekend, just the two of us?

22:14Graham Norton:I think it's going to rain on your parade really badly if her best friend can't come to her wedding. Because what's she doing that's more important?

22:22Maria McErlane:Well, she's got a very busy job.

22:24Graham Norton:Yes, we've got a very busy job. But even a busy job will go, I'm going to my best friend's wedding. They'll go, oh, well, we need you back on Sunday. But yes, you can have the Saturday afternoon of.

22:31Maria McErlane:It's been in the diary for so long.

22:34Graham Norton:Okay, I'm not buying it. If I'm the friend, I've... You don't buy it. Couldn't you say something like, I so want to be at your wedding. But I don't want to be the maid of honour. Because I can't do a kind of forward-facing job. I can't, I don't, I hate the attention. I don't want anyone to look at me. You know, so I want to be there, but just as a guest, just I want to please let me blend into the background. I don't want to stand there in a frilly frock with a bunch of flowers.

22:59Maria McErlane:Yeah. So two very different viewpoints there. And me is cut it off before it starts. And you is can't do that, but will come.

23:08Graham Norton:Now, here's the thing. And I wonder how Natalie will react to this. Yes. If she doesn't get asked. Because, you know, that thing like, my God, I'm pretty sure she's going to ask me to be the maid of honour. I really don't want to do it. And then waiting, waiting, waiting. Suddenly it is the day of the wedding. And she hasn't even been invited. She's listening to this going,

23:32Maria McErlane:Natalie who? I mean, it's so difficult because you don't want to let friends down and you've known each other forever and you've been inseparable. I mean, one part of me thinks, really, would it mess you up that much? It's one wedding. It's your best friend.

23:50Graham Norton:No, but it's not that. She knows this woman and she knows this is not going to be her special day. It's going to be her special fortnight, her special month, with stupid big long hen do's. And, you know, and then Natalie will be annoyed, or the other person will be annoyed with Natalie because, oh, what happened? Do you arrange something like a spa session for us all in the afternoon? Well, we're just arriving and then there's a dinner. What, nothing else?

24:18Maria McErlane:All of that. And a Robbie Williams sound alike.

24:21Graham Norton:Yeah, all of that.

24:22Maria McErlane:I'm loving angels.

24:24Graham Norton:Thank you.

24:28Graham Norton:I do get why she doesn't want to do it. because it will be more than just... And also, the only thing I would say is, Maid of Honour, they don't have to speak, do they?

24:38Maria McErlane:No, but they do have to organise a lot of things and the penis straws and all of that. But you see, Natalie already is saying it's going to be a massive thing, a weekend and there's going to be hendos and everything. If you're away, you miss it all.

24:52Graham Norton:Okay. But I think she may miss her friend as well because I think that is... It's very hard to think of a... I mean, if it's not a very good friend, Obviously, you can clash with something and that's fine. But if it's your really best friend, it's very hard to just go, oh, by the way, I'm at a conference on tea towels in Bucharest.

25:12Maria McErlane:She's got a very busy job.

25:13Graham Norton:I know. A conference on tea towels in Bucharest. There are innovations all the time, Maria. Double printing, double-sided.

25:22Maria McErlane:What about an emergency appendectomy?

25:25Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, you could feign illness, but then that's mean. Yeah. Because then someone, you know, then, actually, that is stupid because then you still have to organize it all. You just don't have to be there.

25:37Maria McErlane:Yeah. Well, you can be in Bucharest and feign illness. My appendix burst in Bucharest at this tea towel convention. And now I can't come back. I can't travel.

25:47Graham Norton:What are the chances? For months I can't travel.

25:50Maria McErlane:We don't really know, Natalie, is the answer. It sort of depends on your friendship with this friend. And if it's one of those things where it's going to break everything, then you've got to suck it up.

25:59Graham Norton:Well, I think, look, here's the thing. Who are you, Natalie?

26:03Maria McErlane:Yes, who even are you?

26:04Graham Norton:But I feel like if you genuinely are the sort of person that this is going to cost you too much emotionally, I think you can say to somebody, thank you so much for asking, but I'll tell you now. Yeah. I just know I won't be able to do this. Yeah. And it's going to, I'm so happy for you, but I can't do that job. Yes. Please let me do something else. Let me, you know, pay for the flowers. Let me pay, you know.

26:29Maria McErlane:Let me pay for the wedding. Let me marry you. I've solved a lot of tea towels this year. But what about if she preempts that by, you know, she doesn't know she's going to be asked, but she could write a letter now saying, I just have a horrible feeling you're going to ask me, and I really can't do that. And then Natalie's friend will go, who does she think she is? Yeah, you can't.

26:49Graham Norton:You can't do that. The humiliation that way lies. Okay. I mean, for me, I think being a maid of honour has got to be better than being a best man where you've got to speak.

27:00Maria McErlane:Yeah.

27:00Graham Norton:The speech thing, I think that's a cruel thing to do to people, asking them to be a best man.

27:04Maria McErlane:How many best man speeches have you listened to where you've thought, oh, why didn't you just put it into chat GPI?

27:14Graham Norton:They probably did put it into chat GPI and that's what came out.

27:19Maria McErlane:Why can't I remember what that is?

27:22Graham Norton:Chat GP. because you've got authentic intelligence rather than artificial intelligence.

27:30Maria McErlane:It's one of those things that won't go in my head, which is good, which is a good thing. Should we see what people say?

27:34Graham Norton:Yes, yes, I thought we were ready for some wangers. Yes, we are. The wang gang speak.

27:39Maria McErlane:Okay, Michelle says, just say, I love you, but it's not my thing.

27:45Graham Norton:You could say that. That's good. I've got a cup of coal sick. Yeah, but, you know. I love you, it's not my really thing. She's got the job done. She's got the job done.

27:54Maria McErlane:Jaden says, if she's your best friend, I think it's a bit of a shame that you don't want to do it at all. Ooh, Jaden, very judgy. If she asks you, perhaps say yes, but explain that you're very busy, so she needs to pick three bridesmaids, and the duties need to be shared out between you. That's a bit half-hearted, Jaden.

28:12Graham Norton:Well, not the worst idea in the world. No. And also, so long as it's clear you are not main bridesmaid.

28:19Maria McErlane:Yeah.

28:20Graham Norton:How many bridesmaids are you going to be? can I be the junior assistant?

28:23Maria McErlane:Yeah.

28:24Graham Norton:That kind of thing. No? Okay.

28:26Maria McErlane:Bridget says, if she asks you, let her down gently. Explain that you don't think you'll be able to give her the focus she deserves. Oh, yes. Have a suggestion up your sleeve of something else you could do instead. Perhaps suggest a reading you could do at the wedding or a playlist you could make for the reception. Just make sure she knows how happy you are for her and that you're excited to help with her big day in a smaller way.

28:51Graham Norton:Yeah, it's her big day. She's not going for a mixtape.

28:56Maria McErlane:I thought I meant to do the mixtape. The reception. I put together a lovely tape of Barry Manilow songs for you.

29:04Graham Norton:Ever so romantic. I think you'll enjoy it.

29:06Maria McErlane:Lou in Perth, for it is she. Oh, goodness.

29:09Graham Norton:She's constantly at the keyboard. She can do the hair.

29:11Maria McErlane:Yes, of course. She's a very good hairdresser. As this is your best friend getting married, I would go along with it. Use the divide and conquer method. Maybe some of the tasks, like the penis straws, can be shared equally.

29:26Graham Norton:But then there's nobody wants to do it. No one's going, oh, great, Natalie's been on the phone. She wants me to organize, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. You're just thinking, you do it, Natalie. You're the moron who said yes.

29:36Maria McErlane:It seems to me that no one likes weddings anymore. Well, we like them. I like going to a wedding. If it's about three hours. Yes. A week-long wedding, bad. And near my house.

29:48Graham Norton:Yes, in your house, in fact. No, no, no, no. Now you've gone too far. That's silly talk. No, around the corner.

29:55Maria McErlane:I like to watch a wedding over a Zoom. And throw some confetti in the air in my bed.

30:02Graham Norton:Like a COVID funeral. That's so true. No, but they do it for all funerals now. Yes, my mother gets to live stream her friends' funerals. Does she like to do it? No, she does.

30:11Maria McErlane:Oh, there's something about that that hurts my soul.

30:14Graham Norton:But it means that because my mum couldn't go. No. So, you know, so it's nice that she gets to see it.

30:18Maria McErlane:She can't go because she's too, she's not well enough, really.

30:20Graham Norton:Yeah, you know, legs no worky and so, yeah, can't. And it would be a huge effort. So it's kind of hurrah for technology that does that. It's not helping Natalie much because I can't be there, but I'll be Zooming in from my tea towel convention in Bucharest if the Wi-Fi's up to it.

30:35Maria McErlane:Yes, I like, on her Zoom, she'll have a backdrop of tea towels of Bucharest's historical points.

30:43Graham Norton:I know what she's getting for wedding present.

30:47Maria McErlane:But it's not an old linen one. It's one of the new man-made fibre ones.

30:51Graham Norton:Sorry. And, Natalie, good luck with whatever you decide. Right, to wrap things up, we've got today's Am I Weird. Maria?

30:58Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I take my own little pot of chillies with me to make my meal spicier? I do it when I go out to restaurants and if I'm eating at my friends' houses too. And that is from... Ooh, Anonymous. Doesn't want anyone to know. I don't think you're weird at all. I mean, my friend, who is a chef, as you know, takes all manner of things, like the pots of bovril and butter.

31:24Graham Norton:Really?

31:24Maria McErlane:Yeah.

31:25Graham Norton:Because I know people who do this.

31:27Maria McErlane:Take chillies. Yeah. I think also if you're used to putting chillies on your food, everything quite quickly starts to taste really bland. So it's a bit like another habit. It's a bit like a user, I need my chillies, man. Yeah. Call the chilli dealer. Quick, I've got to go out on Friday and I haven't got any chillies.

31:44Graham Norton:Actually, that kind of makes sense when I think about my friends who do it.

31:47Maria McErlane:Yeah. Yeah. Because you just get used to that kind of, ah. I love watching that program where people eat progressively hotter and hotter chilies. They get famous people. You've seen that? Yeah. I got asked, I was asked to do it. Oh, why didn't you do it?

32:00Graham Norton:Because why would you do that? Like, I see the people on it and I know how hard it is to book a chat show. And I'm thinking, well, we can't get you to come on and just go, yes, we had a lot of fun filming. at Graham. There's a chase scene that went wrong. Meanwhile, over there, they're eating fucking hot chillies.

32:19Maria McErlane:I know. That is bizarre. But people do. And they're crying. Running around. Snot coming out of them. There's not enough milk in the world to stop the chillies burning their face off.

32:30Graham Norton:But they get the views. So the publicists are going, in you go. Yeah. In you go. It's not as bad as it looks.

32:36Maria McErlane:Go and eat chillies, loser. Yeah. You want to get that movie? Eat some chillies. Yeah.

32:41Graham Norton:No one's going to see your thing unless you do that.

32:44Maria McErlane:It has a massive audience I think it's kind of like one of those old Japanese game shows that we used to have where you just watch people being hurt Yeah, because

32:54Graham Norton:I don't really want to see a nice celebrity with kind of snot streaming down You see, I do

32:59Maria McErlane:Really? Yeah, I know, it's bad and once upon a time I wouldn't have wanted to see that but now I do because the world has got so cruel, Graham

33:07Graham Norton:And I've talked to people who they were kind of also incredulous that they had said yes but they'd just been advised. To say yes. That it was on their press tour and we've got hot ones and that's very good with a young demographic, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so suddenly you're there going, really?

33:24Maria McErlane:And I suppose if you eat one and go, that's quite hot and then you're up to number two because they all obviously have to get to number 10. I think at number two, I would just go, no, that's too hot, I'm not doing any more. But then you don't get the film, do you? Because you haven't joined in. Like one day when my roof blows off

33:41Graham Norton:or a big tax bill comes and I have to do, I'm a celebrity. You know, because I think there comes a time in most people's lives when they kind of go, I'm going to have to do that. I'm going to have to say yes to that for the money. I am going to go, I'm a celebrity, get me out of here within a second of every single challenge and let them starve. I don't care.

34:03Maria McErlane:And the good thing about that is you're voted off very quickly. Yeah. Because everyone hates you. But then if your career is on the nosedye, if it can resurrect careers.

34:11Graham Norton:I don't want to resurrect a career. I just want a quick injection of cash. That's all I want.

34:18Maria McErlane:Well, you could always put photographs on only grandpas or something like that. Anyway, I don't think you're weird at all. Keep taking your chillies with you. Look at that, Maria. We're done. Yes, we are indeed done with our completely non-expert advice. You know what to do for the real thing. Go to proper experts. You can start with our Instagram page at wangingon where there's information on how to get support for your girlfriend's burping.

34:46Graham Norton:Yes, those experts. The burping experts.

34:49Maria McErlane:Burping experts. There are some. Oh, yes. I think they do the chilli programme as well.

34:53Graham Norton:I think he's dating her. It'll come full circle. She'll get a note from him. How old? But remember, if you do want us to debate a problem for you, just email us wangingon at listen.co.uk. We're only too happy to help. Yes, we are. Too happy to help.

35:11Maria McErlane:And wanging on with Graham and Maria is a Listen production.

35:15Graham Norton:Have a good week, everyone, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.