In short
Graham and Maria discuss their TV return and interview style, then answer listener dilemmas: (1) a woman considering leaving her husband for a single man she’s emotionally/possibly romantically involved with; (2) a mum worried her “mum haircut” will be cliché and asking whether to get a cut; (3) “Am I weird?” about FaceTiming a boyfriend while on the loo. They also do a flatmate cooking/cleaning bonus dilemma and promote sponsor meals.
Guests (people featured)
No named podcast guests appear; it’s Graham and Maria plus listener correspondents (Anonymous, Callum, Hannah, Lou in Perth, Sharon, Debbie, Livvy, Sean, Ryan, Sandra, Morgan, Jed, plus “Am I Weird?” sender Sharon).
Key claims
Difficult questions can burn bridges; affairs/new romance often fade; marriage requires work; hair grows back; “not weird” to FaceTime on the loo.
Notable examples
Richard & Judy’s O.J. Simpson interview; Clive Anderson and the Bee Gees walking off; “mum hair” long bob with fringe vs pixie cut; “wasted time” FaceTiming while using the toilet.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOGraham's Return to TV
2:30 to 3:38
Graham discusses his return to television after a long break and how he feels about it.
“Rafi, I mean, he's a lovely dog, but, you know, this is properly adorable.”
Guests and Burned Bridges
3:38 to 4:54
Graham and Maria discuss guest interactions and the challenges of inviting certain guests back.
“Have you got a proper job for that six months?”
The Difficult Questions
4:54 to 7:20
The hosts talk about asking tough questions during interviews and the consequences.
“But I did like one day, you did tell me something, which we won't talk about who it was, but I was asking you, why don't you ask?”
Anonymous Letter Discussion
7:20 to 9:49
Graham and Maria read and respond to a letter from a listener about love and marriage.
“you know, people don't answer them and they're just annoyed that you've needled them.”
Continuing the Discussion
9:49 to 14:00
The hosts continue discussing the implications and feelings surrounding the listener's situation.
“Dear Graham and Maria, my husband and I have been together for 20 years and we have two teenage children together.”
Navigating Boredom in Long-Term Relationships
14:00 to 21:39
Exploring the complexities of desire and fulfillment in long-term relationships.
“with Boring Husband, you could think, now we have our lives back, let's cycle around Patagonia or do something crazy and be...”
Navigating Boredom in Long-Term Relationships
21:45 to 26:12
Exploring the complexities of desire and fulfillment in long-term relationships.
“Yeah, I've got to open it first, you see.”
Deciding on a New Haircut
27:07 to 28:00
A discussion about the dilemmas of changing one's hairstyle after becoming a parent.
“Maria, the time has come for letter number two.”
Mum Haircut Dilemma
28:00 to 31:38
Exploring the commonality of mum haircuts and offering advice on styling.
“My reservation is this, that every mum seems to get the same haircut.”
Advice from the Wangers
31:38 to 35:33
The hosts discuss various listener responses about hair advice and femininity.
“At Wangers Assemble, what advice have they given us for this?”
Show all 13 chapters
FaceTiming on the Loo
35:33 to 38:03
A listener's dilemma about FaceTiming while using the toilet is discussed.
“I just ring him for a quick chat and he only ever sees my face.”
FaceTiming on the Loo
38:39 to 39:26
A listener's dilemma about FaceTiming while using the toilet is discussed.
“Are you looking for a beach read this summer?”
FaceTiming on the Loo
39:29 to 40:08
A listener's dilemma about FaceTiming while using the toilet is discussed.
“Or find them at a bar, restaurant, or store near you Near Beer Athletic Brewing Company Fit for all times The right window treatments change everything.”
Transcript
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1:52Norton. That's Marie McKerling.
1:54Maria McErlane:I am indeed Marie McKerling. And I am holding a wanging on mug. You can see that there. I don't know if anybody can see it. They'll do a close up of that. Well, people are just listening. They can't see it. Yeah, they're listening. I know, but I like to think... This is to drive them to YouTube. I must see what a mug looks like. Because I haven't been on television. Does it say wanging on on it? Yes, it does. It does say wanging on. And there is a picture of my little dog, Raffi, who is not coming anymore because he's more famous than me if he's on the mug. I know, really. And also, it's hard to live up to the cuteness of the dog on the mug who is doing adorable things.
2:30Yeah. Rafi, I mean, he's a lovely dog, but, you know, this is properly adorable. Hey, Maria, the other thing that people just listening mightn't have noticed is we're so fully branded now. We're not just on mugs. We've got muffs, microphone muffs.
2:45Maria McErlane:Don't say the word muff. And they're in a nice snooker table green. That is a new category. I hadn't noticed that, actually. Had you genuinely not noticed that the word wanging on was written on the microphone? No, no. All right, well... You know, I'm... Thanks, everyone, for making the effort. It's been really appreciated. I'm finding it hard at the moment, Graeme. I have my own problems. Hey, you've been back doing a televisual show, which we've all missed terribly. Back on the telly. What's it like being back? It's lovely. Do you know what? because there's quite a long gap now because we, you know, we finish kind of at the end of February now and then don't come back till late September.
3:24I don't miss it when I'm not doing it, but I do look forward to coming back.
3:28Maria McErlane:I mean, I know it's fabulous and you've got good guests and everything, but... It's like having a proper job. Yeah. Which we didn't get into show business for that. No, we certainly didn't. We didn't know what human resources do. H-what? They don't do anything. That's what I'm told these days. But also... HP Source. Now you have six months off. Have you got a proper job for that six months? I've done other things. I mean, I went to Australia, you recall. I do recall. This is called wanging on. Please let me. You did talk about it at length. Now, I want to know, and I'm sure people at home want to know as well, the guests that you've had, multiple guests on your show.
4:08Those guests you've had. Yeah. Those people.
4:11Maria McErlane:None of them were me. Yet. Why is that? I'm never coming on your show. Well, now we're on a very successful podcast. I like to keep an air of mystery. Yes, of course. Now, who, this is what people want to know about your show, who have you really loathed and you never want to have them back again? See, I'm always, you know, people do want to. You can't say this in case. Well, people do want to know these questions, but you can't burn bridges. No. Because, you know, I could tell you, because there are people who, in my heart, I believe will never be on the show again. because they were awful. But you know what the vagaries of the world are?
4:50Sure is, yeah.
4:51Maria McErlane:They'll do a big film and you'll have to have them. And then suddenly, or we just can't get anyone else and we'll all have to just suck it up. That's when I come on, isn't it? When you can't get anyone else. But I did like one day, you did tell me something, which we won't talk about who it was, but I was asking you, why don't you ask? I should never have told you anything. No, you should never have told me anything because I've written it all in my book. I didn't know you'd be sitting in front of a microphone that said, wanging on one day. If you ask the difficult questions that people want you to ask, a lot of the time, you can really only ask that question once and then you'll get an answer that isn't really conclusive but they'll never come on again.
5:27Maria McErlane:Yeah. So you have never really burnt any bridges, have you? No, no. In the interviews, we want them to have a nice time because, you know, it's not a news show. You know, I always remember Richard and Judy when they did a kind of primetime chat show. Much fanfare. their first guest was O.J. Simpson Oh, for goodness sake. Following the trial. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. They thought that was a coup. Well, it was a coup. You know, everyone wanted him and they obviously paid big bucks. And weirdly, I was on the same flight as him. You're kidding me. I was getting on a virgin flight and, you know, when you get to the plane, you know, the air bridge thing joining onto the plane.
6:07So I was waiting there and we were stopped. We'd go, whoa, Nnedi, you can't, you know, take balls. That's rude. Yeah, I thought so. You know what Americans are like. They're always saying, whoa, Neddy. Yeah. And anyway, whoa, Neddy. And then a little funny side door on the air bridge opened and in popped O.J. Simpson, who'd obviously been, you know, delivered to the plane in some other way. And he went into the upstairs bit, which was sealed off for him, him alone. Right. All for this Richard and Judy thing. And of course, he sat on Richard and Judy and they went, did you do it? And he went, no.
6:45End of interview. I mean, what was he suddenly going to confess? Oh, Richard and Judy, you got me. Yes, I did. I did do it.
6:53Maria McErlane:It's a bit like after that you go, so what are you up to now then? Yeah. Have you had any offers of work? Yeah, still keen on golf, is that it? Oh, you're bringing out your own glove range. Here's a clip. I mean, they must have paid a lot of money for OJ. Can you imagine? So what I mean is you can ask those difficult questions, but because you're not a news program and no one's under oath or anything, you know, people don't answer them and they're just annoyed that you've needled them. And then, as you say, they won't come back on. Yeah, I mean, like Clive Anderson had the Bee Gees on and he asked them a difficult question.
7:30Maria McErlane:I can't think what the difficult question was. Well, they walked off. They walked off, exactly. But why did they walk off? Because when he wasn't asking a difficult question, he was just making jokes about them. So basically all his questions were jokes and they were the butt of all those jokes. And that was his shtick and it was very funny. But, you know, why would you want to be the person sitting in the other chair? But you tease people quite a lot and that is always amusing because, you know, you don't let their egos get in the way of you asking good questions. So you tease them. But there's a point, there's a cut-off point, isn't there?
8:03Yeah, a couple of times I've seen people's little faces slightly go, Go kind of like, oh, I think this British twit hates me. And, you know.
8:12Maria McErlane:And then you have to claw yourself back. Yeah. And bombard them with love. Do you know what? I feel we've talked about my show enough. We need to concentrate on this show. We have problems and they are inbound. Evening. Buyers remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.
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9:56Maria, a nation rejoices. A letter's going to be opened. Here we go. It is.
10:00Maria McErlane:Here's letter number one. Dear Graham and Maria, my husband and I have been together for 20 years and we have two teenage children together. He's very quiet and without sounding awful, he's quite boring. I've met someone who is great company, who I love spending time with. Unfortunately, I have fallen in love with him and he's single. I am at a loss of what to do. Do I stay with my husband, avoid upsetting the children and settle for an unfulfilling life? Or do I leave, be with this other guy and enjoy my life instead? And that, unsurprisingly, is from Anonymous. Oh, Anonymous, don't throw out the baby with the bathwater is my feeling on this one.
10:46Maria McErlane:You haven't actually said what this single man who you've fallen in love with, what he's thinking. I mean, is he just as into you? Quite funny. I've left my husband. Have you? What? This was just a weekend thing. But also, has anything, nothing's happened, has it? Well. They love spending time together. Yeah, what do you think? I mean, are they sitting on a sofa? Has anything happened? What do you think? I think maybe not. Oh, you don't think about leaving your husband if you haven't had sex with someone. I have a funny feeling Anonymous might have. Anonymous, there's so many things kind of that Anonymous hasn't thought about.
11:21I would say number one is you married this man. I'm sure he was boring then, and he's boring now. You still manage to stagger down an aisle and say, I do.
11:31Maria McErlane:And have two children. Just because your children are in their 20s, I think you are just about to... The teenagers. Teenagers, I know, sorry. I thought you said 20s. You are about to upset the apple cart big time here. Yeah. And what I would do, I know it's not right to be deceitful and stuff, I would just play along with this for a little while. I mean, you know, it's exciting for her. But what you have at home, it's really hard to kind of give positive advice because you do get bored with your partner. You do get fed up with them. You do think, I'm in a rut. And you know who else will get fed up with you?
12:05This new guy. In about six months, it'll be over. It was all sparking. You've been with the husband for 20 years. Now, it might be boring, but the fact that you've managed to be with this man for 20 years is astonishing.
12:19Maria McErlane:He hasn't just started to be boring, has he? He just seems like he's boring because you're having a nice time with someone who's fresh and new and springy and bright and that you have stupidly fallen in love with. You've made that decision to fall in love with him. And the chances of you having a long-term relationship with this new person are very slim. Because the chances of having a long-term relationship with anyone, very slim. You're so positive. I love that about you. But it's true. You know, we've all dated lots of people and it didn't last. and she's managed to be with this guy for 20 years.
12:53Well done, you. You should think about how it has lasted. As you say, it may not be sparky and exciting, but there's something to this relationship. It's not just that you've just woken up in this house every day for 20 years and, oh, look, there's two teenagers now. There's something else going on. I would try and pick back what was it that made you go down the aisle and say, I do, to this man. And yes, this other guy, very, very exciting. But the chances of that lasting, Anonymous, are very slim.
13:28Maria McErlane:It does strike me, Graeme, as something like, you know, we've done the child rearing now. They're sort of up and running. Yeah. Fly and be free, children. And then the thought of spending the rest of your life with this man. There's kind of nothing else to do. We've done the thing that maybe held our marriage together because we had children to bring up and we didn't spend that much time together, but now we have to. That's, I think, making her panic. And she's thinking, I have to change all this and do something else with someone else. Whereas you could, with Boring Husband, we'll call him that because we don't know his name, with Boring Husband, you could think, now we have our lives back, let's cycle around Patagonia or do something crazy and be...
14:10Maria McErlane:Leave him. Be proactive. I just, I feel that this is a tale as old as time in many ways. And also, the other thing that I think is making new guy all exciting is that it's forbidden. Yeah. That you are doing something transgressive. And that is thrilling. Of course it is. And if you leave your husband, he'll hate you. Your two kids are not going to be too keen on you. and suddenly you are free to be with this guy, it won't seem as exciting or fun or thrilling. It'll just be, oh, now look. He won't seem as shiny. No, and you'll have done something that's so wildly selfish, I don't think you'll like yourself very much.
14:58Maria McErlane:I mean, I don't feel that Anonymous has even said to the single man, I'm thinking of leaving my husband and two children for you because he may be horrified. Yeah. This all seems to be sort of in her head currently that these are possibilities for her. But single man might not want any of that. And also, Anonymous, I think you're putting it as a choice. Will I have an unfulfilling life with this man or an exciting, shiny, fun life with this other guy? And actually, I think relationships, it's never binary like that. You can have whatever sort of life you want with your husband. If you choose for it to be unfulfilling, then so be it.
15:41But equally, new life with this other guy is not going to be all shiny and fun. You're going to get bored with each other or you're going to have rows or you're going to discover things about him that you really don't like. The trouble is, you know your husband so well after 20 years. That's one of the factors contributing to the boredom, presumably, because there are no surprises anymore. whereas this new guy might just be surprises. It might be shocks and disappointment.
16:07Maria McErlane:Yeah, almost certainly. Shall I see what some of our wangers have said? The wangers! The wang gang. These are the lovely people who've had early eyes on the problem. They emailed us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. That's how you send in dilemmas but it's also how you become part of the wang gang and you see letters early and you contribute advice like this. So Ryan says, of course he looks exciting. He's a single man, unburdened by kids, demanding he drives them everywhere. That's what kids do. And ruining his chance of getting a leg over by coming in to sleep with mum and dad's bed every night. Ryan's got beef, hasn't he?
16:46Maria McErlane:Wow. These are some needy teenagers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me again! You mind if I sleep with you? Yes, but you're 18. Mr. Exciting will soon turn into Mr. Boring, Mark II. once you've sucked the life out of him. Oh, Ryan, you've got your own issues here, haven't you? Yeah, I like Ryan, though. Ryan hates life. Everyone's. Once you've sucked the life out of him. He'll be Mr. Boring Mark 2. I like it. But also, Ryan, he's being a little harsh, but he's not entirely wrong. I know, but don't blame her for sucking the life out of people. I think it takes two to suck. I'll pop that on a T-shirt. Sandra says, in the olden days, this might be a problem, but it's 2025.
17:34Maria McErlane:Why not gently broach the topic of an open marriage? You know, gently broach it. Just get an idea of what your husband thinks of it. You don't have to tell him any more than that. Do you know who loved the idea of open marriages? Boring men. Boring, boring husbands you've been with 20 years. They just love it. And also what's going to happen if you say, what about an open marriage? He's going to go, well, I didn't really want that, but okay. He's going to go off and find somebody who he is mad about and you're going to be alone because Mr. Single Man won't want anything more. Yeah, that is so predictable.
18:13Maria McErlane:Morgan says, so you've had an emotional affair. It can happen. I can't judge. Ask yourself, what is boring about your husband? And was he the same when you married him? Are you trying to spend any time with him, reconnecting, rediscovering? Or are you running off and spending your spare time with this other person? Nothing will be fixed if you don't try first, unless you don't want it to be fixed. Just be sure to think ahead before actually ending your marriage. That's actually quite wise from Morgan. Yeah, Morgan's actually rather good at this. Yeah. You're fired. Invite him in. Oh, I thought Morgan was a woman.
18:54Maria McErlane:Oh, well, it could be either. Yeah. Or is that Morgana? I don't know. Morgan. Morgan. It's a library in New York. I know that. Anyway, he's not coming in. He or she is not coming in. Jed, is this other guy even interested in you? Thank you, Jed. Yes. Talk to him about his feelings for you and what he's looking for. Your feelings for him are irrelevant. Ooh. If he's not ready to commit. Yes, this is true. Very true. She has allowed herself to fall in love with him, hasn't she? Yes. I think she wanted to. I think this guy was a bit flirty, a bit interested. And like you say, she, you know, suddenly, she's a woman of a certain age.
19:34And she just thought, oh, I'm not dead yet. Look at this. Yeah. There's a, you know, somebody hot.
Read the full transcript
19:38Maria McErlane:It's a bit like, you know, people who go off to the Caribbean or some, you know, lovely hot country and have an affair with the waiter. Yes. Because it's sort of momentarily exciting. And then they decide that they're going to leave their partner and give the waiter all their money and go and live there. And then they have to sit in the Daily Mail. Look what I did. That's their penance. That is. I'm an idiot. Let that be a lesson to you all. You never want to be the sidebar of shame in the mail. No. Cathy says, my marriage got a bit boring about 10 years in, but you have to work at it. We scheduled monthly date nights and the occasional weekend away.
20:16Maria McErlane:We just celebrated our 12-year anniversary and we're in a really good place. Marriage is a marathon, not a race. Forget about this other bloke and show your husband some attention. I like Cathy. Well, she's only two years into this new bit of her life. No, but I like the idea that she's committed. She's not bailing on something because it got a bit dull. She's kind of going, no, I made a commitment to this. And I like that idea, but it's a marathon, not a race. Because, you know, you did make some vows there. There were some serious promises that you made. And if nothing's changed, you know, if you haven't become different people, and that can happen, people do become different people.
21:00And maybe, you know, the promises become null and void. But if you married a dull bloke and said all those things to him, you can't sort of go, oh, by the way, you're a dull bloke and I'm out.
21:12Maria McErlane:But marriage is very difficult and it does take work. And it's not all ha-ha-hee-hee. No. Some of it is drudgery. Yeah. And yet people still want to do it. I know, and then have affairs and write to us. Yeah. Yay. Phew, we've still got a job. The wheel goes round. Anonymous, thank you for sharing your dilemma. I hope we've helped give you a little bit of clarity. Okay, listen up. And we'll be on the horns of a second dilemma very shortly. This episode of Wanging On is brought to you by Co-op's new meals range, Served. Which means we get to answer a special bonus dilemma from our wanger. So take it away, Maria.
21:49Maria McErlane:Yeah, I've got to open it first, you see. Of course. And I remembered it was in the envelope, you see. OK. Dear Graham and Maria, my flatmate and I take it in turns to cook for each other most evenings, which is really lovely and has been a great bonding exercise. We have an agreement that whoever does the cooking doesn't have to do the clearing up. Fair enough. Here's the thing. I'm quite mindful when I cook and I tend to tidy as I go. She, on the other hand, leaves a bombsite when she cooks. She seems to find a use for every piece of crockery and every surface. And she relishes the fact that she doesn't need to clean or tidy anything because she's slaved over an excellent meal.
22:27Maria McErlane:This is starting to really grind my gears. If she's so chaotic in the kitchen, why should I have to clean up after her? Am I being unreasonable? And that is from Callum. I think, Callum, you've done this thing where you take it in turns. I think it would be better if you did it together. So you can be the... That's more annoying. You can be the sous chef. Is it the sous chef? The point of just chops carrots and then. Shops. You can be a chopper and a tidy as you goer. And the other night, she's the chopper and the tidy as you goer. Therefore, you only have two plates to clear up at the end. But if she's not cleaning up, she'll still use all the things.
23:07You're still having to clean all the stuff.
23:09Maria McErlane:What about you go halves and halves on a dishwasher? I don't mean a person, I mean a machine. That will also lead to problems. Will it? How so? Well, because someone will have to load it, someone will have to unload it. And it's going to be Callum. Okay, I think what we're saying here, Callum, is you need to move out. Yes. She needs another sous chef. She needs to realise that life doesn't clean up after itself. Yeah, and also, I think what Callum's doing is good. So what Callum doesn't want to do is escalate the situation, by going, right, I'll show you how to use every pot in this. You don't want to do that.
23:48But at the same time, you know, you feel like saying to her, have you noticed that when I finish cooking, there is this much in the sink? When you finish cooking, I can't see the sink.
23:59Maria McErlane:Yeah, and she would go, I know. Isn't it weird? Funny, isn't it? That's because my meals are so, what does she say? Delicious. Yes, and take her ages. But what's the other person doing? While one person is preparing the meal, what's the other person doing? you might as well just go and help is what I'm saying. And that will be equally as bonding, Callum. He's saying it's a bonding experience as flatmates. Equally as bonding if you do it together every night. I think cooking with someone is very stressful. Okay. Lots of kind of, oh, is that how you do that? I don't normally cut my carrots like that.
24:31I normally do them lengthways.
24:32Maria McErlane:Yeah. Oh, maybe don't do the mushrooms. I'll do them. Well, I think that will hasten the thing that I've already said, which is you need to move out. Yeah. or just knock through and make a separate kitchen. I hope that helps, Callum. The landlord will love that. I think we've nailed this one. We have. Listen, those are our thoughts, Callum. But another solution might be Co-op's new meal range, Serve. I like what you did there, Graeme. These are ready-to-cook meals prepared with fresh ingredients that you can cook in 30 minutes without having to follow an absurdly complicated recipe. So, no mess, Callum.
25:10And if you're a co-op member, you can pick up an Italian-inspired main and two sides for just£7.
25:16Maria McErlane:Pick whatever combination you like, such as Italian meatballs with fusilli and Mediterranean vegetables. Aubergine parmigiana with garlic potatoes and tender stem broccoli. Or what we have here, which is chicken and mushroom Alfredo with gnocchi and tender stem broccoli. I'm going to try it right now. No, me too. I love a bit of gnocchi because it's smuggling potato into an Italian meal. You're Irish, you love potatoes. Yes, of course I do. Mmm, that is actually tasty. No, no, it's lovely. Choose your next meal in store or even have it delivered in as little as 20 minutes using co-op delivery, Uber Eats, Deliveroo or Just Eat.
25:55Maria McErlane:Proper portions, zero stress and prepared with fresh ingredients. Dinner is served. £8 for non-members, co-op group membership required, subject to availability. See co-op.co.uk forward slash served for details. Delivery partners, terms and conditions. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19 ,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state.
26:31Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.
26:37Maria McErlane:experience a membership that backs your business journey with american express business platinum earn five times membership rewards points on flights and prepaid hotels booked on amextravel.com plus apply to find out your welcome offer which could be as high as 300 000 membership rewards points american express business platinum there's nothing like it terms apply welcome offers vary and you may not be eligible for an offer learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash platinum in supply. Maria, the time has come for letter number two. Okay, here we are. I must open it forthwith. Yes, for reality purposes.
27:18Maria McErlane:Yes, you'd think I'd get quicker at this, wouldn't you? But no. Dear Graham and Maria, I am considering getting my hair cut. Okay. But I'm not sure if I should go through with it. I'm already gripped. I just killed myself. Right now, okay, we're going to hear what it's not like. Thank you. Right. I'm invested. Yeah. Right now, it's long and thick, and it gets heavy and hot. Okay. Plus. I wish I had a pen. I'd write my notes. Plus, I have a baby that loves to pull it. My reservation is this. I'm carrying on. Where is this hair? You said. My reservation is this, that every mum seems to get the same haircut.
28:06Maria McErlane:A long bob with a fringe. I also have a fringe in brackets. That's not me speaking. Yes, you are. Should I just get over myself and get the chop? Or avoid a cliche cut and get better at the updos? And that is from Hannah. Hannah took the time to write to us about... You see, the thing is, Hannah, about hair is it has this amazing capacity to grow again. Well, you say that, Maria. Look at me. With the exception of Graham Norton, obviously. But you have long, lustrous hair. It's heavy and hot. Long and thick. It's heavy and hot. Heavy and hot. And there's a baby hanging out of it. Not hanging out of it.
28:47Maria McErlane:How does a baby hang out of it? I don't know. They've got very strong little hands. Where are you thinking this hair is? You can put them on a clothesline when they're newborns. um i um don't care no no i'm trying to care i'm really trying to care no but some people really have a very kind of strange relationship with their hair and it is part of their personality not us obviously uh we don't have any personalities but hannah is having trouble with this so i'm gonna say hannah because hair has this capacity to grow back go crazy but don't go crazy and get the same mum hair long bob with the fringe, because you already have a fringe, get something really crazy, because hair does grow back.
29:31Maria McErlane:Get a pixie cut, Hannah. Goodness. Yeah. Radical. It won't be hot. It won't be heavy. It won't be long. The baby will fall off. It won't be thick. The baby won't be able to clutch it. It will have to learn other things to clutch. Ew. Yes, I mean, look, presumably, Hannah, you have a hairdresser. Everyone has a hairdresser. Even if your hair is heavy and hot, you have a hairdresser. So talk to them because they might be interested. I think that's fair comment, Hannah. They might be interested. I doubt it, though. Yeah. And also, Hannah, I'm glad you've written to us so we can tell you, never bring this up.
30:12Yeah. No one wants to hear it.
30:15Maria McErlane:When you say when you talk to a hairdresser, they might be interested, that hairdresser is going to go, not someone else asking me about whether or not they should cut their heavy and thick long hair. It's their job to be interested. It's no one else's. So, Hannah, yes, I think keep it in the salon. Yeah. Not at the school gates, nothing. But also, you know, don't alienate your fellow mums with, you know, saying this is a boring cliche haircut that you've got a long bob with the fringe, but just appear at the school gates or wherever. no, baby not at school, with your pixie cut. Yes, because I think the main thing Hannah wants is something that's easy, because obviously she's busy, she's got a mom, she's very heavy and hot, she's sweating like a pig.
31:01Nobody said she was heavy.
31:02Maria McErlane:No one said she was heavy. She did. No, her hair is heavy and hot. Heavy and hot. She's very heavy and hot. And you lose 30 % of your body heat out of your head. So imagine how hot and sweaty she is with this big mop of hair and a heavy baby hanging off it. Now the baby is heavy. I'm going pixie cut, but I'm also going to the hairdresser. What do you think, Mr. Hairdresser or Mrs. Hairdresser, if I completely bleach my pixie cut? Do it. Yeah. Yeah. Go radical because it will grow back and you'll never have that pixie cut again that's bleached. And also, when all the other mothers are pointing and laughing at you, you'll realise why they went boring, Bob, with a fridge.
31:40Because you look like a moron. At Wangers Assemble, what advice have they given us for this?
31:48Maria McErlane:Lou in Perth. Regular listener. One of our regulars. Oh my goodness, Lou, as I'm a hairdresser... She's interested. She's interested. I suggest finding a picture of a hairstyle you fancy. Princess Diana. Ask one of your friends or colleagues who they would recommend. Most salons offer a consultation first, so you can be confident in choosing something that really suits you and your lifestyle. What are you laughing at? Because you've got tea, coffee and... I'm trying to drink my coffee. What were you laughing at? Your own joke? For some reason, Princess Diana reading me laugh. But you said Princess Diana.
32:29Maria McErlane:I know. Did you not know that it was going to make you laugh? No, not that. I didn't think this would be that funny. Do you remember that piece in Educating Rita where somebody has a picture of Princess Diana in the in thing? Well, I've got a friend who's a hairdresser and he said people come in all the time who are like film stars or J-Lo or whatever and they've got three wisps of hair on their head and they say, can you do this? And he always says, yes. And then he fashions those wisps into a bit of J-Lo and says, there you go. Do you want to see the back wisp? so you have to be realistic Sharon from the block
33:11Hannah's very heavy and hot very heavy and hot hair has Lou stopped talking now?
33:16Maria McErlane:Lou has stopped talking this is Debbie don't forget that you're a woman as well as a mum let that sink in sometimes longer hair is a pain but worth it if it makes you feel more feminine It may be the easy option to get it chopped off, but if you regret it, it takes a long time to grow back. No, no, see, yeah. Have the length shortened a bit at a... We asked them to get in touch, and now they have. Have the length shortened a bit at a time, and if you like it, then carry on. My advice would be not to do anything dustic. Pixie cut, bleach it. I think what Debbie likes is that kind of the sexy secretary, you know, where they take the glasses off and they pull a pin out and then the hair cascades down.
34:04Maria McErlane:Well, the fact that she's saying it's feminine, are we still doing what's feminine? I'm a woman. Yeah. That kind of thing. Hey, guess what? Yeah, we've got a voice note. We're here to hear somebody else wanging on. It's Livvy. Absolutely not. Do not cut it. If you have long, thick hair, then you're obliged to have long, thick hair. Those are just the rules. Get a big claw clip, maybe work on an updo, spend some time teaching the baby to not pull your hair, and then you're sorted. I'm frightened. Is Livvy near the building? She says it's like the law to have long hair, to keep it long. Okay. And teach the baby to pull something else.
34:46Maria McErlane:Livvy, don't ever get in touch with us again. Let's see what Sean says. And we mean that. Very passionately Sean says Please just get the haircut For you and no one else The change will be amazing And will give you So much self confidence Well Wangers Thank you so much Oh my god No seriously thank you Because we did ask Oh no Thank you for getting in touch About a problem that is like And Hannah Thank you for dilemma Yeah thanks very much Hannah I really wish you luck With your hot and heavy thing Her hair Yeah That's what's on her head And we've just got time to end with this week's Am I Weird?
35:26What is it, Maria?
35:27Maria McErlane:It is this. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I FaceTime my boyfriend when I'm on the loo? I just ring him for a quick chat and he only ever sees my face. He reacts like it's perfectly normal. It feels like such wasted time. Otherwise, you really love your boyfriend, don't you? And that is from Sharon. I don't think it's weird that you FaceTime him on the loo. but I've done this with phone calls when you have quite a long phone call and you have to have a wee halfway through and then you have a wee and the person says, what's that? And then I just say, I'm just filling the kettle. Wow. Boiled to piss.
36:08Impressive flow. Is the water pressure weak in Hastings? Are you up a hill?
36:19Maria McErlane:And even worse, if she, you know. Oh, you can't be straining and things when you're on the phone, Tim. You know, you've got to be, yeah. But I do also know that if you do want to do that and you're on the phone or something, if you put some loo paper in the loo first, you can't hear a plop. Oh, okay. Well, that's some great advice from Sharon. Am I giving too much away? I'm thinking you're going to go not weird. Not weird enough. No. It might be a thing that they do together. Oh, yeah. But also, you know, sometimes I'll be on my phone. Oh, yeah. You know, a bit of Instagram. Yeah. FaceTiming someone seems excessive to be on the loo, FaceTiming someone.
37:03Maria McErlane:Well, she's sort of saying it's such wasted time otherwise. I mean, what is she busy doing, Sharon? Going to the toilet. I mean, that's what you're doing. No, but, you know, the fact that she's got to, I must use this time well. Yeah. I mean, there is a kind of school of thought that says to go to the loo, give yourself some time to enjoy that moment. Maybe a nice audio book. Or some solitude. I mean, you're not there for that long. Well, we don't know. Well. Sharon may have problems in that department. She doesn't mention it. I know. I feel sure she'd tell us if she did. So I'm going to go not weird.
37:41Maria McErlane:And you're going to go? I'm going to go not weird as well. because I don't think she's, you know, straining and kind of going, you know, oh, I can only do this with your help and support, my darling. Yeah, I think they're just chatting. That's quite sexy, though. I'm joking, I'm joking. On that note, we conclude this edition of the podcast. A reminder, if you have a dilemma or any am I weirds, do send them in. The email address is wangingon at listen.co.uk. Maria, any parting words to read aloud? Yes, I have some, and I have some here that say, just to say, as usual, we're not experts. There's information for proper advice and support on our Instagram at wangingon.
38:26Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production, and we'll be back next week for another episode. Goodbye. Goodbye.
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From the publisher
Graham chats about the new series of his chat show, and his approach to difficult guests. Also this week: is it weird to FaceTime your partner when you're on the loo? Plus dilemmas concerning Mum haircuts and a boring marriage.
Get your fix of Graham and Maria every Monday. Tap 'Follow' on Spotify or 'Subscribe' wherever you get your podcasts.
If you want to send a dilemma to the show, email: WangingOn@listen.co.uk
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label.
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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Chapters:
0:00 Coming Up
0:17 New Stuff in the Studio!
1:38 Difficult guests on Graham's TV Show...
6:56 Leave My Boring Husband?
18:38 Dinner is Served, with Co-Op
23:12 What's Wrong with a 'Mum Haircut?'
31:25 Do You FaceTime on the Loo?
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