Graham's Thoughts on Ozempic

6:14Maria McErlane:What do you mean?

6:17Graham Norton:Older people.

6:17Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, thanks.

6:19Graham Norton:Even older people. No, because my mom would love that. She'd love to have tiny little portions.

6:26Maria McErlane:Because they get overwhelmed by a big plate.

6:28Graham Norton:Yes, and I always feel like, well, just don't eat it all. Eat as much as you want. But I think just seeing all the food puts them off, whereas it turns me on. Yes.

6:38Maria McErlane:You're so easily pleased. But yes, most of my friends, or a lot of people I know, I would say, are on the pen, on the jabs. Really? Yeah.

6:47Graham Norton:And I just feel like it's got to come home to roost. How so? Well, in that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. So you feel like at some point in the future, somebody will go, oh, by the way, that does this to you, you know, causes liver failure or something. You know, in the same way, you know, cigarettes were great. They were recommended by doctors. I know. Vaping was supposed to be the great answer to smoking.

7:11Maria McErlane:I watched some sort of Pathé newsreel the other day where a doctor was going around hospital beds offering people a cigarette and they would go, oh, it's like a girl, like that. And then, you know, oxygen mask.

7:25Graham Norton:So times change. Yeah, maternity wards, you used to get half a Guinness, didn't you? Did you? Yeah, to build up your iron. Almost worth having a baby. Now, I wondered what the point of having children was. If I know there was a free drink involved.

7:39Maria McErlane:You can become an alcoholic.

7:40Graham Norton:I just squeezed one out ages ago.

7:43Maria McErlane:So how are you finding fighting the flab in our autumn years?

7:49Graham Norton:Well, I mean, yes, I mean, you will lose that fight, I feel. Because the thing I notice is if people are past a certain point, if they go on the Aspen pick, yes, they're a bit thinner, but so what? You know, they don't look that good. They just look differently old. So I wouldn't worry about it.

8:11Maria McErlane:I know, but do you still feel a certain vanity?

8:14Graham Norton:I still want to fit into my clothes. Is that what you're saying?

8:16Maria McErlane:That's what I feel.

8:17Graham Norton:I haven't gone the kimono route yet.

8:21Maria McErlane:It's looking very pleasing though, isn't it?

8:23Graham Norton:I mean, it would be lovely to just pull the ripcord.

8:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, move into the muumuu years.

8:27Graham Norton:Yes, and just eat and drink whatever you like.

8:30Maria McErlane:Demis Roussos.

8:31Graham Norton:Yeah, and just, you know, throw my bike out with the bin on a Thursday morning. Have it. But no, for now, you want to keep it. I think the thing about keeping weight off is that it means you can physically do things. You can, you know, run up and down stairs. You can get in and out of bed. You can do all that stuff, which is, that's the stuff that keeps you young and alive. It's not about, I don't think, for me now, it's, I mean, there's probably a little bit of vanity because I'm on telly. Of course. You see photographs yourself. I'm on telly. And I hate seeing, you know, stomach coming out over the top of trousers.

9:03Graham Norton:But, you know, it's there.

9:05Maria McErlane:No, it's not.

9:06Graham Norton:Oh, it is. I won't show it to you now.

9:08Maria McErlane:Oh, I really wanted you to do that.

9:10Graham Norton:No, no.

9:11Maria McErlane:Cameras won't notice.

9:13Graham Norton:They really won't. Hey, Maria, time to give people what they want, whether they know it or not. It's advice. Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with Epglyss, a once-monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase, about four in ten people taking Epglyss achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

10:08Maria McErlane:if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS. Before starting EBCLIS,

10:14Graham Norton:tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about EBCLIS and visit ebglis.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Get business done with the new American Express Graphite Business Cash Unlimited card with unlimited 2 % cash back on all eligible purchases, unlimited 5 % cash back on flights and prepaid hotels booked through American Express Travel Online and a flexible spending capacity that can grow with your business. You'll have the confidence to keep building. Apply today and earn a welcome offer of$1 ,500 cash back after you spend$50 ,000 in qualifying purchases on your new card within the first six months of card membership.

10:51Graham Norton:Terms apply. Learn more at go.amex.com. Next.

10:57Graham Norton:Maria, I hear wanging on as quite the social media presence.

11:01Maria McErlane:That we do, Graham. On our Instagram page, at wanging on, we post all manner of clips. and dilemmas. But what about Facebook?

11:10Graham Norton:We're there too, Graham. Give us a follow. But, Maria, if I'm down with a youth and I'm on TikTok...

11:17Maria McErlane:We are there too, Graham. Again, it's wanging on and we're on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, whatever your social media platform of choice.

11:26Graham Norton:There really is no escaping us. Maria, time to rip open an envelope. Oh, she's got it in her hand.

11:34Maria McErlane:I've got them in the wrong place. I'm all over a father now. Number one, number one. Okay, number one. Dear Graham and Maria, your conversations are very much looked forward to every Monday. Kiss ass. I'll just tear this up now.

11:48Graham Norton:Yeah. Stupid letter.

11:50Maria McErlane:After listening to so much helpful advice from you, I would really appreciate your help with this dilemma of my own. I'm a market trader selling jarred condiments. It's been three years and I'm lucky enough to have cultivated a small following for my range. A few customers have been really supportive since the very beginning, and I've got to know them a bit better every time I see them. Most customers are aware of the reason I'm at the market so they keep the conversation short and make space for the next customer. However, there is this one customer who likes sharing great details of her various medical conditions.

12:24Maria McErlane:It's really hard to terminate or pause the conversation as sometimes she'll be distressed when telling me her story. As a one-person band, I must make sure I pay attention to everyone who is interested in tasting or purchasing my product. But I feel rude and guilty if I don't focus on this lady's stories, which sometimes can feel like a trilogy. What is the best way to manage this? And that is from Kiki. I feel your pain, Kiki, because having worked in retail for a little bit.

12:53Graham Norton:And you thought you'd enjoy it.

12:54Maria McErlane:When I thought I'd enjoy it. Yes, it was for a charity, for a homeless charity. and we had this shop, people just come into shops and they take their little rucksack of problems off and they pass it over to you. And I worked with another girl and I would just sort of see these certain people coming and I would just go, oh, I've got to go out the back now and leave her to deal with it while I stared at a wall out the back. Because you don't want to have to take on all of this stuff. It's kind of it weighs you down.

13:25Graham Norton:But, I mean, I suppose what the people have figured out is you're a sitting duck and you can't, you know, Kiki can't just walk off. There isn't even a storeroom to go to. She's behind a stall. That's it. I think what you should do, Kiki, is kind of go, oh, I really want to hear this, but I can't concentrate right now because I'm having to serve other people. Do you want to have a cup of tea later on?

13:55Maria McErlane:Yeah, I don't think you should encourage it, really.

13:57Graham Norton:Well, no, but you're feeling guilty. I bet you this woman will not want to have the cup of tea. No, I don't think so. Because she wants instant gratification.

14:04Maria McErlane:She's got to get home to watch Holmes Under the Hammer.

14:06Graham Norton:Of course. Yeah. That person is me. She knows what she's doing in the afternoon.

14:12Maria McErlane:Also, Kiki, I would say always be busy. You know, have things that you've got to do behind your store. Well, she does.

14:18Graham Norton:And you've got to serve other people. I think it is easy, or at least it's possible, Kiki, to just say, I hate to cut you off in full flow or I really don't mean to be rude, but I've got to sell some pickle to that person. Isn't it pickle? Relish? Yeah, condiments. Maybe relish. Exactly.

14:38Maria McErlane:Yeah, it's delicious and homemade. Very busy in my condiment world, lady, with lots of medical problems.

14:43Graham Norton:Oh, do you think it's called Kiki's Condiments and condiments spelt with a K? I hope so. I hope so, well. KKK, oh no. No. Oh no. No, no, no, Kiki.

14:55Maria McErlane:Getting back to the person. It's really kind of, and I'm sure the person who's telling you all this thinks that you're interested. That is the problem. And certainly that's what I found. People would think that they're telling you something that interests you. And actually, it's just offloading. This person is probably quite lonely and doesn't have anyone else to bore with her medical dilemmas. But there has to be a way where you can be kind, but also cut her off with a K.

15:28Graham Norton:But also, isn't it that weird thing how we are nostalgia? You know, people are, oh, it used to be great. You used to make conversation in the shop and da-da-da. And then when you go to a market and you're buying each thing in each different stall and da-da-da, one, it takes forever to do your shopping. Two, you've got to carry it because there ain't no trolley. and three, yes, you've got to talk to people. It's hell. You can see why they invented the supermarket. Meanwhile, Kiki's condiments, I'm sure, are delicious. I would make an exception for them, obviously.

16:04Maria McErlane:I'm quite liking your rage, your bubbling rage about this.

16:06Graham Norton:Well, no, it's not that, but I just think it's a faux nostalgia for what it was like to do shopping at first.

16:11Maria McErlane:Like a farmer's market.

16:13Graham Norton:Yeah, that kind of thing. Because that's how, when my mum was shopping when I was a kid, we would have to go from shop to shop to get everything and you'd be left carrying something and my mom would be like a kind of pack mule going home with all the shopping. Don't be nostalgic for that. Meanwhile, this is the reality is that Kiki's stuck there with this woman wanging on.

16:37Maria McErlane:I think, yeah, wanging on. I think, Kiki, you have to have things even if you haven't got a customer there you've got to close this down. So you have to have things on the store like, you know, labelling or checking something. You just have to be able to say, I'd love to speak to you, person's name, but I'm really up against it today. Something. And if you do that every time, then soon enough she'll get the message.

16:59Graham Norton:I don't know. Kiki's there again with her condiments. And also, it's like feeding a stray dog.

17:05Maria McErlane:Yeah, they'll always want more.

17:06Graham Norton:Kiki has listened to her once. Therefore, she will come back.

17:09Maria McErlane:What about if she says, oh, person's name, I can't talk at the moment, but why not come back at the end of the day? That's what I said. I know, you said go for a cup of tea. Well, that's the end of the day. Okay, but I wouldn't suggest a cup of tea because you'll never get away.

17:23Graham Norton:What's happening at the end of the day now?

17:24Maria McErlane:You're packing up. Come and help me carry boxes.

17:28Graham Norton:I know you're ill. It'll be good exercise for you.

17:32Maria McErlane:What about wearing headphones and pretending you're on the phone and just be talking to some pretend person? That's good.

17:39Graham Norton:Yes, we can ship to Shanghai. Yes. All the relish you'd like. Gentleman's and otherwise. Shall I see? Oh, yes, the wangers surely have wang-dean.

17:51Maria McErlane:Yes, they have wang-dean indeed. Oh, we've got Anne in Northern Ireland who says, I've given this a lot of thought.

17:58Graham Norton:Have you? That makes one of us.

18:01Maria McErlane:Here are some ideas. People who like to complain often aren't interested in other people's woes. So you could get in there first. Make stuff up about how terrible life is. oh no, don't want to do this, how terrible life is, and maybe she'll just get bored. You could bring some jars to label or something to do that keeps you distracted and say, excuse me, but I'm really busy this morning and I won't have time to talk. Or you could set an alarm on your phone and when it rings, pretend to get a very serious phone call and wave the person away. I like that. I like the idea of going...

18:33Graham Norton:Yeah. In fact, yes, you could say, I'm just getting my test results back and then start crying. Yeah, very good.

18:42Maria McErlane:If you want some acting tips, don't come to us. Stephen in Glasgow says, You need to hang a sign on the market stall. Mustard, not medical advice. Relish, the fact I'm not a doctor. Loving this. Soy sauce, no sob stories.

18:59Graham Norton:Stephen is typing this wearing an apron.

19:01Maria McErlane:I love Stephen in Glasgow. This should sort it out. I predict your niche impersonal touch will make you stand out. You'll be on Dragon's Den in no time and make millions. so you can eventually go global and become an impersonal, huge conglomerate who never has to speak to customers again. Ooh, got a bit bitter at the end there. Stephen in Glasgow, didn't he? No, but I think he's on the right track. Yeah, yeah.

19:21Graham Norton:Yeah, I think you need to expand the business so you're no longer standing behind a stall.

19:26Maria McErlane:I do like mustard, not medical advice. Relish, in fact I'm not a doctor. And soy sauce, no sob stories.

19:32Graham Norton:Yeah, no, good for you.

19:33Maria McErlane:And then when she comes, you just point to the sign going, Read, can you read? No, not since I've had the cataracts.

19:39Graham Norton:I've glaucoma.

19:43Graham Norton:We are those old people. John in Woolwich has sent us a voice note. Stop being a people pleaser. You are trying to run a business. If you want to be nice to the person, ask them to stand aside and say you can carry on the conversation when you've dealt with other customers who are waiting. Oh, that was it.

20:00Maria McErlane:John sounded quite out of breath there. What do you think he was doing?

20:03Graham Norton:Wanking.

20:04Maria McErlane:I didn't want you to go there.

20:08Graham Norton:But no, you did. I feel like he is the man to give that away because he is a man of few words. He didn't waste his time chatting to us. He kind of came in, gave the advice, out. He's very busy. He's very busy. You can't keep someone, you can't just say, stand there while I'm serving other people.

20:28Maria McErlane:You can't say, stand aside.

20:29Graham Norton:Yeah. That's what people used to say in the olden days.

20:32Maria McErlane:Stand aside, sir.

20:33Graham Norton:You there with the illness.

20:36Maria McErlane:If you can stand, stand there. Gail says, I work in sales and I totally understand how you feel. You could be the only kind person in this person's life. I try to be honest and explain that I can't always chat. I normally say something like, without sales, I would be at the job centre. Do you really want that?

20:55Graham Norton:Wow. Whatever I thought she was going to say, it wasn't that.

21:00Maria McErlane:And then, no, she says that. Do you really want that? And then I give them a smile and a laugh.

21:05Graham Norton:And then they walk away going, she's mental. Yeah.

21:07Maria McErlane:This person probably doesn't even realise what they're doing and would feel awful if they knew. Be honest. No, don't be honest.

21:14Graham Norton:And also they won't feel awful if they knew. They know. They already know that they're boring.

21:19Maria McErlane:That people walk away mid-conversation.

21:21Graham Norton:Yeah, so you have to find someone who's trapped behind a stall.

21:24Maria McErlane:Oh, I don't know what... I mean, now I want some of your relish, Kiki, basically.

21:28Graham Norton:Yes, do send in your relish. Kiki, listen, we really feel for you with this dilemma. Thank you very much for sharing it with us. and we hope there's been some slightly useful advice from either us or the wangers. Let's get some more thoughts in the comments section underneath this episode, please. How does Kiki deal with this customer? Meanwhile, we will be back with another dilemma in a jiffy. This episode is sponsored by TV licensing and I couldn't be more excited about The Neighbourhood on ITV. Why is that?

21:59Maria McErlane:Because I hosted. Oh. I did. Can you tell us anything? Of course I can.

22:04Graham Norton:What? No, it's six households in the most beautiful part of the world that I'd ever been to before. Are they all rich? At Derbyshire. No, but one of them's going to be. Oh. Because last household remaining, they walk away with£250 ,000. And it's just about, you know, how to get on with your neighbours. And in the end, kind of the most popular household wins. And there was something about it. It was just really kind of, I don't know, just lovely. and I love spending the time because I was up there for nearly a month and I was thinking

22:38Maria McErlane:Where is it again? Where is it filmed?

22:40Graham Norton:Derbyshire

22:40Maria McErlane:Derbyshire, lovely

22:41Graham Norton:The Peak District Is that in Derbyshire?

22:43Maria McErlane:Yeah, is that the truth?

22:44Graham Norton:Because I like watching Would I Lie to You? You like Would I Lie to You don't you? Yeah, yeah Yeah, you're mad about it

22:49Maria McErlane:But I think I would be quite good at it and I think I'd be quite good at a traitor as well

22:54Graham Norton:Okay, getting it all out there

22:57Maria McErlane:Anyone listening?

23:00Graham Norton:Now available for both Would I Lie to You and Traitor. Yes. Well, luckily, a TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk slash pod. High five. Ladies and gentlemen, Marie McCurlin has another letter in her hand, I see.

23:24Maria McErlane:I'm still thinking about Kiki's condiments, spelt with a K.

23:28Graham Norton:Don't spell it with a K.

23:29Maria McErlane:Why?

23:29Graham Norton:because it looks very bad on the label.

23:31Maria McErlane:Only if there's another K. Kiki's Kinky Condiments.

23:35Graham Norton:Well, because there's two Ks in Kiki.

23:37Maria McErlane:Oh, yes, there is. Yes.

23:42Graham Norton:That'll keep unwanted customers away.

23:45Maria McErlane:We really should be in marketing, shouldn't we? Yeah.

23:48Graham Norton:I've come up with a label. Something about it doesn't quite work.

23:57Maria McErlane:Anyway, next letter. Yeah. Dear Graham and Maria, any advice on what to do about envy and worries about not becoming a parent? Every single close friend I have has found a partner, had a baby or is trying for one. I, on the other hand, am still single with no boyfriend in sight. I'm 32 and my mum couldn't get pregnant after 28. So I'm quite worried about my biological clock and that it will stop soon, if not already. My friends are great, but I don't feel I can say to them, I envy you or I'm worried I'll never be a mum. I don't want to be pitted or a self-centred annoyance. Sometimes I try to list for myself the other things I've achieved.

24:38Maria McErlane:I've lived in four different countries. My career is going well. I've got a mortgage on my own without the extra income of a partner, but that doesn't really work. If it wasn't for the known fertility issues in my family and the fact that so much of my friendship circle is focused on baby production at the moment, And maybe I wouldn't be so stressed about this. Any advice on how to deal with worry about where life is going and how to avoid being a whiny, envious friend? And that is from Sophie. Sophie, you know, I feel your pain. I think these things are, once you let them in, Graham, once you let those kind of anxieties in, they are going to plague you and it'll just kind of grow.

25:21Maria McErlane:I think one thing you could do, Sophie, I know you're worried about your mum. There's no real reason why you should have inherited that, not being able to get pregnant again after 28. But go and have a fertility check. Yes. Because you can then get told how your eggs are doing and where you are on the soon-to-be menopause or not menopause. So that might, it's a two-way street, that might give you some comfort or it might make you even more anxious. So it's one of those things, do you want to know or do you not want to know? Personally, I think I would want to know.

25:55Graham Norton:I think she definitely wants to know. Yeah, yeah. Because actually, if the ship has sailed already, which is I think what she's worried about, then this whole problem becomes very different. Yeah. Because then it's about, you know, reconciling yourself with something that is now out of your control. Yeah. I think where she is now is kind of a harder thing to navigate in a way because it's possibly still possible, but she's not in the right situation.

26:22Maria McErlane:It's twofold here as well, I think, Sophie, because you're thinking, I haven't got a partner and I'm not pregnant yet and I'm 32 and you're sort of racing against yourself. And I think one of the things you could do, which you have sort of done, is be grateful for the things you have. Yeah. And you have done extremely well and you've got your own house and you've got a good career. And listen, everything is still possible because you can have a baby on your own. I mean, that's, look,

26:48Graham Norton:I think there's a few things going on, aren't there? So, Sophie, one of the things we often say on the pod is, you know, enjoy the life you are living rather than mourning a life you don't live. Because it's such a waste of energy.

27:04Maria McErlane:And it eats you up. Yeah.

27:05Graham Norton:Suddenly every day is miserable because of something you don't have. Where you have tried to do the thing of enjoying the life you are living. I think try harder with that. And then the other thing, as you were saying, is have a baby if you can have a baby. You know, you can do this by yourself. And I've had friends who did that.

27:24Maria McErlane:I've got lots of friends that did that on their own.

27:26Graham Norton:Who really wanted a kid, saw that the partner route thing was not happening. And they got donors and they went ahead and did it. Now, is that harder? Maybe it is. Yes, it is harder. You need to know that you've got the support system around you, that your parents will help or your friends who have kids will help. At least actually she is in a friend group where everyone has babies. So there's that.

27:54Maria McErlane:That's kind of reflecting back at her all the time.

27:56Graham Norton:But also I think in a way that will focus your mind, Sophie, because if you say to yourself, I can do this by myself, then you have to decide, is the baby the thing I actually want? Or is it the whole package? I want a partner, a dog, a baby, a back garden and a swing

28:14Maria McErlane:I want my life to be perfect how I imagined it would be but that might not be a perfection for you because where does the career go then that you're still even well at?

28:23Graham Norton:I mean I have a friend and he is a little bit younger than me but not a lot and he's been single basically his whole life and he has a thing about being single and he goes, you know, it's not the life I imagined for myself, but it is the life I am living. And I think that's a very good way to look at it. At some point, your projection of what your life is going to be, you have to go, oh, turns out I didn't go down that road. I went down this road.

28:55Maria McErlane:It's like playing the hand you're dealt. Yeah. Rather than wishing you had a full house or whatever, if I can extend that metaphor.

29:03Graham Norton:Well done, you. Thank you. Yeah, you need to shuffle again. That's what you need to do. I just think it's a particularly female problem where you have this...

29:14Maria McErlane:Well, it's age kind of sensitive.

29:16Graham Norton:There's a time limit on an option. And I think one of the things you want to do going through life is keep as many doors open as possible. Have as many choices as you can. And for women, it's so hard because at some point, a door, a big door slams shut. And that doesn't happen for men. You see those terrible old, you know. Mick Dagger. Those lovely old men. Robert De Niro. Al Pacino. Anyway, them men. Yeah, they're still having babies. But that isn't the world. But Sophie, you know, it's not a done deal yet. But the minute it is a done deal, that's when you have to make your peace with it and whether that's seeking professional help

30:05Maria McErlane:I think professional help is going to be very good even if you do the medical thing of finding out I would be able to talk to I would get a therapist so you can talk about it to them

30:15Graham Norton:because there will be a sense of loss because or not well I think for Sophie there will be a sense of loss because it's something she saw in her future and there will be a baby-shaped hole in her life from that moment on.

30:30Maria McErlane:But hey, it's not over yet. You're only 32, Sophia. I know I sound like an old witch, but there's still a bit of time left.

30:37Graham Norton:Yeah. Listen, I'm sure the Marians have been in touch with about this problem.

30:41Maria McErlane:Ben in Spain says, As a 37-year-old cat dad, I may be not the best to give advice on this, but have you thought about going solo? Sounds like you've got yourself well-established on your own, so what about finding a friend who can donate their sperm or even looking at going down the adoption route or just get a cat. Thank you, Ben, in Spain. Yeah. She'll be in touch about your sperm.

31:04Graham Norton:I'm so surprised we didn't go down the pet route ourselves.

31:07Maria McErlane:We normally do.

31:08Graham Norton:Yeah, normally.

31:09Maria McErlane:I think both of us are born.

31:10Graham Norton:Normally she'd have a litter of puppies by now, but for some reason it didn't cross our minds. It was like we took her problems seriously.

31:16Maria McErlane:All in baby hats. Okay. Eileen, is that an Irish name?

31:21Graham Norton:No. I think it is. I don't know.

31:23Maria McErlane:I'm going to say that about every name I don't know. Any name you can't pronounce. Is that an Irish name? Iline says, as someone decades older than you who never had children, I can tell you it's not imperative that you have children to have a happy life. If you feel you definitely want to be a mother, you have many options. Adoption, freezing your eggs to use later, hiring a surrogate or the traditional method. But there is no need to feel envious of your friends. They are currently experiencing sleep deprivation and many other negatives that go along with having young children. There are certainly times when they're blissfully happy as well, but it's not all sunshine and flowers.

32:00Maria McErlane:Do not compare yourself to others, forge your own path, and if you find you feel motherhood is definitely for you, you can start exploring your options. I mean, that is true, but I think when you're feeling the way Sophie is, that just is falling on deaf ears, isn't it?

32:17Graham Norton:Well, even if all her friends said to her, we really regret having children. We hate them. She'll still want one. Exactly.

32:25Maria McErlane:Kristen, and a lot of people have responded to this. Kristen from Mexico City says, I'm 31 and single. So I really felt this one. First, I don't think you're being whiny at all. You're being honest. It's completely normal to feel a bit of envy when everyone around you is on a different timeline. From a practical side, I would suggest getting proper medical advice now. Good. just to understand where you stand and feel more in control. And if motherhood is something you really want, you could look into freezing your eggs. So it becomes a choice, not a race against the clock. Emotionally, I think it's okay to admit quietly to yourself, I want that too.

33:01Maria McErlane:That doesn't take away from your achievements. It just means you're human. Life isn't a group project. Everyone submits at different deadlines. Don't know what that means.

33:11Graham Norton:Oh, I like that idea. What does it mean? Well, it just means it's not a group project. We're all working together. Yeah, yeah. You know, just because you've made those life choices doesn't mean I'm making those life choices.

33:22Maria McErlane:I think that's good. Everyone submits at different deadlines. Yeah. I understand that now. Thank you. And Deb. Deb says, this is a very heartfelt dilemma and I just wanted to give you, the writer, a hug. You're not self-centered or whiny to share your envy, fear, or sadness with your friends in appropriate ways at appropriate times. Maybe over coffee. Continue to enjoy the life you have built for yourself and keep focusing on the good things you have. Plus, enjoy the little people you have around you. That is really good advice there. But I think, you know, there's so much joy to be had in other people's children.

33:58Maria McErlane:I hate to say this, but it's true. Other people's children who you can then play with, teach some naughty words and then go back.

34:05Graham Norton:Yeah, yeah.

34:06Maria McErlane:Teach them how to blow a raspberry.

34:08Graham Norton:I wonder what you're going to say there. Sophie I think you can tell from the huge response we've had to your problem that it's a very relatable dilemma thank you so much for getting in touch Sophie of course emailed us wangingon at distant.co.uk and that's the email address you should use if you want to get in touch it's also the email address people use if they want to ask the question am I weird am I weird who's asking that today

34:35Maria McErlane:what do we think of that now

34:36Graham Norton:I love it it's my ringtone

34:39Maria McErlane:I really feel it should be so loud that it makes people's ears bleed.

34:43Graham Norton:It's the new jingle. His name's Luke and he's from Wicklow.

34:46Maria McErlane:Yeah, we like Luke though.

34:47Graham Norton:He's got a little Irish accent in the Laurie Anderson of it all.

34:50Maria McErlane:Am I weird? Okay, so this week's Am I weird comes from Louisa in Cardiff who says, Hi Graham and Maria. I've not ever talked about this, but I think it may meet the Am I weird threshold. Okay, great. I have quite an active imagination. Whenever I meet someone new, I often visualise them in a different era in history, such as World War I or Dickensian times.

35:18Graham Norton:Cardiff, you say. Keep going. Louise is not even at the heart of her weirdness yet.

35:31Maria McErlane:Dickensian times. I see their face and body in a totally different context, minus tattoos, piercings and makeup, etc. and I'm transported briefly back to another time. They are wearing the clothing of that era and sometimes even carrying tools of their trade like an anvil or a milking bucket.

35:48Graham Norton:They're strong.

35:50Maria McErlane:I'm not anvil. An anvil.

35:52Graham Norton:You know, one of those portable anvils.

35:54Maria McErlane:No one ever carried an anvil. I'm not sure why I did this. She's got a great imagination. Well, I'm not sure why I did this or what purpose it serves and it's often a fleeting image. I find it quite reassuring, a feeling that there is order in the world, that generations of people have survived against the odds. Am I weird? I mean, now you've said that last bit, you know, it's good to remember that we're not the only people that have ever been around. I mean, and I don't think you are weird, but I think, as Graham said, you have a really vivid imagination, and I think I might ask you to put that to good use somehow, to write about these people.

36:33Maria McErlane:I mean, whenever I meet anyone new, I like to picture them naked.

36:37Graham Norton:Yes, you do.

36:38Maria McErlane:Is that so wrong?

36:40Graham Norton:Then you live in Hastings.

36:45Maria McErlane:I don't really like to picture them naked at all.

36:48Graham Norton:I don't do this, but I can see that there is a kind of romance to it, that everyone you meet, you have a little flash. Maybe Louisa is some sort of spiritualist. Maybe she's getting messages from beyond the grave.

37:02Maria McErlane:No, don't go down that route. No? No. That way madness lies.

37:06Graham Norton:Okay. Maybe myself and Louisa should go shopping at Kiki's Condiments. She'll listen to us. Kiki's Kinky Condiments.

37:16Maria McErlane:I think it's actually a sweet thing. And what you're doing is trying to kind of make sense and order in a crazy world. And, you know, we live in a crazy world. and there were different times and maybe more innocent times when people carried anvils around or buckets of milk. Yeah, and also, do you know what?

37:35Graham Norton:I do like when you see an old building or like I used to live in a house that was built in 1811 and sometimes I'd be in there reading a book, like a classic, like a Charles Dickens or something. Pretentious much? Well, you can read Charles Dickens without being pretentious.

37:51Maria McErlane:I mean a very old building.

37:52Graham Norton:I will read the classics. Well, no, that isn't what was going on. But I just really, and you sit in the house reading the book And you think, I'm not the first person to have read this book in this house. Yeah, yeah. And I like that. I like the kind of the continuity of life.

38:06Maria McErlane:I know. I mean, we are very egocentric beings and we kind of like to think that the world revolves entirely around us. The House Through Time is marvellous for that feeling. I would suggest that you watch that, Louisa.

38:19Graham Norton:She'll love that.

38:20Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Louisa in Cardiff because they do mock-ups of a house. So they have the modern people in the houses now with their little computers. and then they do a mock-up of 1900 or post-war. Yeah. It's really interesting.

38:33Graham Norton:You know where she could go?

38:34Maria McErlane:Yeah.

38:34Graham Norton:Orkney. Everything's 5 ,000 years old. She'll have a field day. She'll love it there.

38:39Maria McErlane:No, seriously.

38:40Graham Norton:Everything's a little stone thing.

38:42Maria McErlane:I really don't think you're weird at all, Louisa, but I think I would write all these things down. When you see somebody that you think had an interesting job in the olden days or, you know, maybe they're a soul that has been reborn in your mind, write it all down. and put this imagination to use.

38:58Graham Norton:Yes, and maybe do some research and realise that anvils aren't light. Just saying. If you want to hit on your hands. Mind you, there could be a very strong blacksmith. He could be famous because he's so strong.

39:12Maria McErlane:Maybe instead of carrying the anvil, carry some horseshoes. Or indeed, an entire shire horse. Under your arm.

39:19Graham Norton:No, around his shoulders like that.

39:22Maria McErlane:I do like the idea of a milkmaid, though, with one of those things. Oh, yes. A yoke with a bucket on either end.

39:28Graham Norton:Oh, that old yoke.

39:31Maria McErlane:Hey, that Am I Weird? Oh, we were going to say not weird. Well, I know, but I feel we have to do some weirds.

39:36Graham Norton:Oh, are you weird? It's like we don't care.

39:42Maria McErlane:I don't think you are weird. But for the purposes of this particular segment, let's go weird. All right. Send us your stories, though, Louisa.

39:50Graham Norton:Louisa's Am I Weird brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you very much to Louisa for getting in touch and indeed everyone who's written in with dilemmas or advice.

40:00Maria McErlane:Yep, thank you to everyone for writing in. And remember, if you... We're not experts. That's what you need to remember. And if you need proper advice, you should seek it out from an expert. And that's not us. On our Instagram, you can find a link to support services. We are at wangingon.

40:16Graham Norton:And we're back next week. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production.

40:20Maria McErlane:Goodbye.

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