Help! I Fancy My Mother-in-Law 🫣

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18:41of visualized podcasting, Maria.

18:43Maria McErlane:I am all over it. Stream-wanging on on your smart telly now. Letter number two, is there an envelope? There is an envelope. They never let us down, do they? No. Never, ever let us down. Second class post is changing. Oh my goodness. That's all I know. We'll have to get into that. I got a leaflet, I got a leaflet, but I didn't read it, but I read the headline. Second class post is changing. I think what it means is second class post is no longer available. Oh, is that what it is? You just have to pay£17 for a letter now. That seems all right. Yeah, that's fine. Fine. Dear Graham and Maria, this is a really weird one and I'm not even sure what advice you can give me or why I'm writing in.

19:24Maria McErlane:Yeah, why? Plus de change. Oh my God. But I really fancy my mother-in-law. Is that normal? Ooh, great problem. Lovely. Keep going. I've been married to my missus for a couple of years. She's my world. All good there. But the more time I spend with her family, the more my crush on her mum grows. It's not serious at all. I'm not in love. She's just a very attractive lady. She keeps in shape and has a great figure. Plus, she's very smiley all the time and has an incredibly pretty face. We all have a laugh together and I find her very easy company. Like I say, it really is just a crush and I'll never do anything stupid.

20:05Maria McErlane:I guess I just wonder how I can get over it and stop thinking certain thoughts. And that's from Dean, not my real name. You picked a good name though. Oh, Dean, I think this is how you get over it. Tell your wife that you fancy her mum. Well, no, also hang around a minute, Dean, and your wife's going to be your mum-in-law. So this is a lovely problem because the woman you're married to is about to morph into the woman you fancy. Yeah, maybe you could have a twosome with a threesome. Oh, no. That's a very awkward Christmas. Yes. Especially if it doesn't go well. Leg or breast.

20:48Maria McErlane:Look, I think you know that this is madness, Dean, and it's great that you've got a mother-in-law that you do find attractive. And I'm slightly again, although she's got a great figure, plus she's very smiley and has an incredibly pretty face. I mean, shut up. You fancy her. But I think, you know, the only weird thing about this is that she's your mother-in-law. Because actually, you know, we are allowed, if you're in a relationship, to fancy other people, to kind of go, oh, they're lovely. You know, because I think Dean has a handle on this. You know, it's not serious, not in love. He just, you know, a bit of a crush.

21:24She's very friendly. And smiley. And smiley. Very pretty face. And she's a body. Oh, my God.

21:31Maria McErlane:That does not suit you, Graham. You stop doing this immediately. I just have this awful feeling, Dean, not your real name, that one kind of, you know, family event where you both have too much to drink, you're going to just blow it all up because that's what men do. And you say that your wife is your... I sound like a very bitter person. You say that your wife is your world and that, you know, you love her and all of that. So just say to her one day, probably after you've had sex, I can't wait till you get older your mum is really fit if I wasn't with you I would have a go at that

22:16we'll put the kettle on and see how well that goes

22:20Maria McErlane:because then it's out in the open I mean you've made it out in the open to us if you want us to kind of go no it's very common and why don't you act on it and spoil everything for everyone But no, he's definitely, no. I think he'd like to stop thinking the thoughts. And I think we know what the thoughts are. Well, stop thinking them then, you know. It's like we had a few little while ago about that old man that wanted to. Oh, yeah. With a 20-year-old. It's just like, give over yourself. This is not going to happen. Find someone else to be the object of your wank fantasies. Well, that's what we're talking about, isn't it?

22:52Maria McErlane:Yes, it is. I think that's when he's having the thoughts. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And, you know, the whole thing about those fantasies is that they are exactly that, fantasies. But I think what you can do is seriously look for your mother-in-law in your wife because she's there. You know, she has probably a very similar face. No, but it's not that. It's not that he wants his wife to be the mother-in-law. He wants both. He wants both. It's never enough. But one is a fantasy. Is it, though? Yes. Will it stay that way? I think so. Yes, Dean, it must stay that way. You know, it is. I mean, I think in a way, it was almost kind of dangerous to write to us because it's made it real.

23:34You know, because you put the fantasy out in the real world and you're now listening to us talking about it.

23:41Maria McErlane:That's one step away from making it a reality. So I do think it is kind of dangerous. So try to shut it down. I mean, I think it's as simple as when you have those thoughts, change them. You know, just go through your Rolodex and stop on another letter. Don't go for M for mother-in-law. Think of Liz Truss or Theresa May or somebody like that. Yeah, someone really hot. Yeah, someone really hot like that. Shall we see what the wangers have said to say about Liz? I hope. I hope they've been respectful. I think they will have been. Jude says, she's your mother-in-law for God's sake. That should be enough.

24:21Maria McErlane:Just stop it. That's good advice. I feel like Jude is somebody's mother-in-law. I think that was basically what we said, Jude. Helga the Horrible in Norway. Regular correspondent. If this is mainly in context of your encounters with your mother-in-law, then you need to limit the times you are around her until you've sorted yourself out. You must also ensure you're never ever alone with her to avoid any awkward moments. Work on your relationship with your wife. Go through her childhood stories and photos. So your head reads the difference between her and her mother. Isn't there a father-in-law in the picture?

25:00Maria McErlane:He's so hot. No. The father-in-law ran off with his son's wife. If so, try and get closer to him and spend more time with him rather than the wife. Really. There's something I want to show you in the shed. When you do straight acting, it's very disconcerting. Can I just say? He's about to have sex with his father-in-law. How straight is it? In your head. Tracey in Krugersdorp, South Africa. Beautifully pronounced. Krugersdorp. Krugersdorp, South Africa. We've had this before, actually. Have we? Yes, I remember going Kruger. Yeah, we've done this before. Presumably it's the same person in Krugersdorp.

25:44I can't believe we've got two correspondents there.

25:47Maria McErlane:Anyway, Tracey says, Is your wife's name Stacey? because it sounds like her mum has got it going on. Don't understand that. That is very funny in Kruger's Dorp. In Kruger's Dorp, that would get a laugh followed by a round of applause. Oh, wow. Yeah. Try it in South Africa and see if it's funnier. Is your wife's name Stacey?

26:13Maria McErlane:Anyway, the fact... Killed. Yeah. The fact that your crush is growing makes me think this is more of a limerent situation than a harmless attraction that can lead to some very inappropriate intrusive thoughts, especially when the object of your obsession is someone you can't realistically avoid. My only advice is to focus on her flaws and consciously challenge the fantasy. I mean, God, what is wrong with these men? It's like if something is out of reach, you want it way more. and your mother-in-law is really out of reach, unless you want to blow up your life and your wife's life and your mother-in-law's life with a massive hand grenade.

26:55No, but I think actually maybe, maybe your advice, which I think you were being slightly facetious, but maybe he should do it, is... Tell the wife. Tell the wife.

27:04Maria McErlane:I wasn't being facetious. I was just saying, you get it out. You get it out into a place where she's going to laugh at you or she's going to say, you ever dare touch my mum, I will kill you with my nail file. No, but also I think she'll probably then tell the mother. Of course she will. Oh, that would be awful, wouldn't it? He really fancies you. And then the mother will go, does he? Okay. Yeah, and then she'll have more lipstick on next time she comes around. Yeah. And she'll wear it in her bikini, even though she's only taking the kids to school. Yeah, and she'll get her husband to build a tiny sauna in the back garden.

27:33Maria McErlane:Why a tiny one? Because there's only room for two people.

27:39Maria McErlane:Anyway, Rob in Bournemouth has a lot to say, and I'm just going to have a deep breath. My advice is that he's probably being much harder on himself than he needs to be. From what he's written, I don't see a man who wants to betray his wife or run off with his mother-in-law. I see a happily married man who happens to have noticed that his mother-in-law is an attractive, kind and engaging person. That's hardly shocking. I also wonder whether he's making the crush feel bigger by worrying about it so much. The harder we try not to think about something, the more attention we end up giving it. Instead of fighting the thought, perhaps he should simply acknowledge it without judging himself for it.

28:16Maria McErlane:As long as he keeps sensible boundaries, doesn't encourage the fantasy, and continues investing his time and his energy into his marriage, I suspect the crush will fade naturally. I think Rob is rather wise. I mean, I know it was a lot of reading for you, so you're a guinem. But I think he's right. He is right, but also, how old is this Dean? Because can you not police yourself in the manner that you're meant to? Well, no, because once you let a thought like that in, once you kind of, you know, you're chatting away, and then you just notice out of the corner of her eye, you know, she's bending to pick the Sunday roast out, and you go, oh.

29:01Stop doing that. Then that thought is in your head now, and then she's a bit smiley and friendly to you, and go, oh, she seems to really like me. and suddenly there you go.

29:10Maria McErlane:Any more for any more? Yeah, sorry, I'm afraid there is. Lisa, you're human, so I don't think it's necessarily abnormal, but I think you'd be wise to refocus your attention on your wife and on yourself. Maybe when you look at your mother-in-law admiringly, you can focus more on the attributes your wife shares with her and how you can develop those same attributes in yourself to make your marriage stronger. Focus more on your wife's best qualities and compliment her on those. That's good advice. That is good advice. But I do feel that something is so appealing when it's out of reach. Yes. Wangers, any advice?

29:44Because have you had an inappropriate crush? How did you cope with it? Do tell us in the comments below. We do love getting these dilemmas, so why not share yours? It's very easy. Just email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. That is also where you send your... I'm my weird. Today's, today's, go on.

30:05Maria McErlane:Yeah, okay. Today's Am I Weird comes to us from Ellie, who says, Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird? When I get a new box of eggs, I get up my weighing scales and mark each one with the amount it weighs. I put the matching ones together as I eat my eggs in twos. If I have outliers, for example, two that are 68 grams, one that is 60 grams and one that is 70 grams, I will make a recipe where the eggs require cracking, thus in my head the weight no longer has importance. I do this because when you cook boiled eggs together at the same weight they will cook at the same speed. Oh, I get it now.

30:50Maria McErlane:I have attached a picture of this week's eggs which are quite a disappointing set. In the circumstance I will settle for cooking 66 grams plus 68 grams at the same time. My partner thinks I'm strange, but I'd like the judgment of the professionals, and that's you too. Oh, here's a picture. Picture coming in now. Looks vaguely obscene. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. It looks like that one about the cycling shorts and the sweaty ball sack. Oh, isn't it? Now, who wrote this in? Oh, Ellie. Ellie. Ellie, I mean, I wasn't interested in this. And now I look at the picture, I'm thinking, how amazing that one of the eggs is 72.

31:33and one is only 63. I mean, that's a whole 10 gram difference. That's a, you know, what hen did that come out of? I can't engage with this conversation. No, like I say, I was not interested, but now I kind of am. Do you know what? She's kind of sent this picture in so we could admire her beautiful marble pestle and mortar.

31:53Maria McErlane:Is that marble or is it wood? Oh, maybe it's wood. Maybe it's wood. And there's a nice stone thing there. Yeah. It's a lovely kitchen. Ellie, look, you're going to keep doing this till you become busy.

32:09And then it's going to stop. Because if you, I mean, this has to be the least important thing in your week.

32:17Maria McErlane:So I don't think it's weird, but I think it's very obsessive. And I don't actually see the reason or the point of it. Yes, I mean... I really don't see the, I mean, I read it out and I wasn't paying attention. Well, because the 264s will cook at exactly the same time. What? I mean, how much difference does a 10 grams make in boiling water? You'd be surprised. I'm going to say none. I'm going to say none whatsoever. Also, the other weird thing about this is, how did it start? Like, what weird moment was there when she opened two eggs and went, oh my God, this one's raw, this one's hard boiled. I'm thinking that Ellie has had this weight obsession with things for a long, long time.

32:59Maria McErlane:I'm imagining Ellie has probably even done this on the weighing scales and put her breasts on to see if there's a difference between 10 grams difference with my breasts. I can't boil either of those. It seems to me that, you know, if you're one of these, there's an obsessiveness about it, which, you know, I would say weigh them and go, hmm, that's interesting. but to mark them and then make sure you do them in the right order or whatever that order was. I read it. I didn't pay attention. Yeah, but also I feel like, yes, it's just that you've got to do it. It always makes me slightly worried for someone.

33:38You know, you might look at the eggs one week and kind of think, dear God, that looks much bigger than the others. I wonder how much it weighs.

33:44Maria McErlane:Yeah, for a point nothing of a second. Yes. And then you go, oh, a shiny thing over there. Yeah, I think, one, how did it start, Ellie? and two, when will it stop? Because it's going to stop. It has to stop. Won't it? You know, you don't think you're weird doing it. You carry on doing it. Your husband thinks you're strange. But maybe he secretly thinks that's kind of cute. Were you slightly surprised there was a partner in this? The partner is a chicken. Stop wearing my eggs, bitch. You're giving me a complex. They're all my children. I love them all. Now her husband is American. He's an American cock.

34:25American chicken. Who lays eggs. She's a lesbian with a hen. She's a lesbian. Okay.

34:30Maria McErlane:Lesbian chicken. Lesbian.

34:36We can't top that. Let's get out of here. Bye. See you next week. At least Am I Weird brings a curtain down on this fabulous edition of Wanging On. I wonder if Maria's going to tell us something now.

34:49Maria McErlane:I don't know. I will have a look and see. Despite what Ellie says, we are not professionals or experts of any kind. So if you need genuine help, please seek it out from the proper channels. There's a link in our Instagram bio. We're at wanging on. Wanging on with Graeme Maria is a platform media production and unbelievably, we're going to do this again next week. Goodbye.

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