He's Very 'Handsy' - Should I Speak Up?

4:55Graham Norton:I have watched and enjoyed a lot of things. Just in my mind, just because I really binged it all, was the last series of Mandy. Oh. You know, Diane Morgan. Oh, yes, Diane Morgan, yes.

5:12Maria McErlane:She's got a funny mouth twig.

5:13Graham Norton:as Mandy it makes me laugh like nothing else there were two episodes this year that I just couldn't there was a there was a very very funny driving test if you haven't seen I think it's episode two or three and it's Mandy taking a driving test and it is one of the funniest things I've ever ever seen

5:33Maria McErlane:she is very funny Diane Morgan I'm a big fan of hers

5:35Graham Norton:yeah she's great

5:36Maria McErlane:oh another thing I watched Slow Horses

5:38Graham Norton:always good

5:40Maria McErlane:can't fault Gary Oldman

5:42Graham Norton:yeah yeah yeah so good

5:43Maria McErlane:and supporting cast as well. Very, very good. But comedy-wise, I really, even though it made me very stressed, episodes, no, not episodes, do I mean that?

5:52Graham Norton:There is a show called Episodes, but it hasn't been on this year. No.

5:54Maria McErlane:What's the one I mean with Seth Brogan?

5:56Graham Norton:Oh, The Studio.

5:57Maria McErlane:The Studio. Really such good camera work on that and funny, funny, funny, but stressy, stressy, stressy.

6:05Graham Norton:It was very stressy.

6:07Maria McErlane:I mean, it's meant to be because that's how that industry works.

6:10Graham Norton:But quite hard to watch. Yeah, well, the one take thing, which we haven't mentioned adolescence. The one take thing really worked in the studio when they did because it builds the anxiety, I think, because there's no... I think maybe because everyone in it is anxious because they're thinking, I mustn't mess up or we've wasted a whole day.

6:32Maria McErlane:But the speed of it is phenomenal. Catherine O 'Hara, brilliant, of course. And Hacks. Oh, yes, Hacks.

6:39Graham Norton:Hacks, absolutely love that duo. If we big up adolescence, then we've done some British things as well.

6:45Maria McErlane:Yeah, let's do adolescence.

6:46Graham Norton:Yeah, there you go. We've done it.

6:47Maria McErlane:Oh, that was it.

6:49Graham Norton:Well, everyone knows what it was. It won lots of Emmys. It's doing really well. Maria, the people need our help. Letter one, coming up. In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet. Then there's Mr. Pibb. Sweet cherry, bold outbursts, the kind of flavor that gets attention. Bold kick of cherry. Hey, yo, Mr. Pibb.

7:11Maria McErlane:Get in the game with the college-branded Venmo debit card. Wreck your team with every tap and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash, a new rewards program from Venmo. No monthly fee, no minimum balance. Just school pride and spending power. Get in the game and sign up for the Venmo debit card at venmo.com slash college card. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Select schools available. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at venmo.me slash stash terms. Max$100 cash back per month.

7:44Graham Norton:Right, Maria, let's get stuck into the first envelope right there.

7:47Maria McErlane:Okay, envelope number one. Oh, yes, you're on it. Open. Oh, yeah, on it. Oh, my goodness. Dear Graham and Maria, my husband and I have been together for over 30 years. He's a great dad, understands crypto, what? Can mend a washing machine and is an all-round good egg. What he's not is well-dressed. Don't get me wrong, he's no slob being ex-military. he is very accustomed to formal dress. All right. But oh my God, he has absolutely no fashion sense. And post-retirement, this is very apparent. His summer wardrobe consists of a few pairs of shorts, a lot of striped polo shirts, all at least eight years old, four pairs of M &S trousers and a cream linen jacket, which is showing wear and tear.

8:28Maria McErlane:What's wrong with that? We're due to go on a really she-she holiday.

8:34Graham Norton:Oh, I love a she-she holiday.

8:35Maria McErlane:She's actually put that.

8:36Graham Norton:Infinity pool.

8:36Maria McErlane:She-she holiday. and I'm getting myself wound up about his wardrobe. He gives out Stan Ogden meets Alf Garnet vibes and I'm looking for Stanley Tucci meets George Clooney. He will not chuck out clothes which have plenty of life in them and whilst I have sympathy with that outlook, I don't want to be on the Amalfi Coast with him looking like a tramp. What is the best way to approach this lovely, clever, proud man about his dress sense? And that is from Sue. I mean, you know, Sue, if you're that bothered about it, And that makes me think you're very shallow on the Amalfi Coast. But buy him things that you will not be ashamed to see him in.

9:16Maria McErlane:And then before you go on holiday, make him try them on and then he will discard them and take his old stuff.

9:23Graham Norton:Yes, I mean, I think there's two things here. On one level, you're right, you know, oh, judge the man not as close, all that sort of stuff, and you love this man. But equally, if someone I love told me you look terrible in what you're wearing, I'd hear them. You would hear that. You've never told me that.

9:43Maria McErlane:I'm saying it now. Is it too late? No.

9:47Graham Norton:I don't love you.

9:50Maria McErlane:Yes, I know, but what she's listed is not terrible.

9:54Graham Norton:No, it's not the end of the world. But equally, I feel like it's weird that he's refusing to hear it. He's got it going, no, these clothes are perfectly good.

10:05Maria McErlane:He's ex-military.

10:06Graham Norton:Yes, he's no stranger to formal wear. I know that, yeah. I just feel like you would listen to someone. Unless, unless, and here's the thing, Sue, unless he thinks you look terrible, in which case he's not going to take any fashion advice from you. Maybe he's written to a different podcast to say, oh my God, I'm going to the Amalfi Coast with Sue, and look what she's wearing.

10:28Maria McErlane:She will not get out of florals. No florals after 40.

10:33Graham Norton:Germans will sit on her.

10:36Maria McErlane:You've introduced a whole new thing now.

10:38Graham Norton:Well, it's interesting, because why wouldn't you take fashion advice from someone you love unless you thought they look terrible?

10:44Maria McErlane:I mean, Sue really needs to have suggested something to him that we could judge what she... Because at the moment I'm thinking, Yeah, the linen thing from M &S jacket.

10:54Graham Norton:Well, nothing's terrible. I would just say it's all old. And she wants to freshen them up a bit. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. And I think if you're going on a shi-shi holiday, you can turn that into a, ooh, should we buy a few nice things? Because we'll be going to some fancy restaurants. Yeah. And if he goes, I've got my cream jacket. Yeah. You just go, no, you haven't. I've burnt it.

11:16Maria McErlane:I tried to dye it.

11:18Graham Norton:Yes.

11:18Maria McErlane:And it's now tie-dye navy.

11:20Graham Norton:Yes, our house burnt down and with it your entire wardrobe.

11:24Maria McErlane:I think you're right, Graham. I think you say, why don't we buy it? Why don't we splash out on a new wardrobe for both of us? And then you order stuff and then you have fun trying it on. He can say no more floral, Sue. And she can, you know, because we don't know what she's wearing. Maybe his stuff matches your dowdy wear.

11:41Graham Norton:Maria.

11:41Maria McErlane:Oh, I said that out loud.

11:42Graham Norton:What sort of sister are you?

11:44Maria McErlane:I know, I thought I only thought that, but then I said it out loud and that was mean of me.

11:48Graham Norton:I think I just think there's a way to turn this into a kind of a fun thing for your holiday it won't help you in life probably unless all your friends and I don't know if you've got kids but if they all go wow dad you look great you look great he might hear that

12:06Maria McErlane:I think what you need to say the words you need to say are things like it makes you look 10 years younger it makes you look way slimmer

12:14Graham Norton:have you been working out

12:15Maria McErlane:have you been working out it takes your attention away from your bald spot.

12:20Graham Norton:Don't say that.

12:21Maria McErlane:No, don't say that. Okay. But things that big him up that make him feel, oh, well, maybe she's right.

12:27Graham Norton:Yeah. But isn't it odd? I think maybe there's a kind of a man thing too about it's a waste of money that he's got these shirts and these trousers, which he can still wear. They're not falling apart. They're not falling off him or anything. So I guess he just thinks, well, hang on. let's not spend... He probably thinks Sue is wasting money on clothes. He's probably down the golf course saying, well, she's probably out shopping again.

12:56Maria McErlane:I think there's a thing when you get a little bit older where you've maybe struggled in your life to kind of get money for the children, the children's schools or whatever. And so you've been careful. But now he's retired and a lot of people seem to have money when they're retired, but they still don't want to spend it. But as my grandmother used to say, there are no pockets in shrouds. She did say that. But she said pockets bitter. And I did. As my grandmother used to say, there are no pockets in shrouds.

13:24Graham Norton:Yeah.

13:28Graham Norton:And the good thing is they are spending money on a she-she holiday. Yeah. And honestly, Sue, here's the other thing. No one's looking at you. When you are in Amalfi Coast, people are looking at that view. They're not looking at the man in the slightly tatty cream linen jackets. They really aren't.

13:45Maria McErlane:I think, yes, I want Sue to back off slightly and I want him to step up. To the plate. Oh, we haven't used that for such a long time, Graham. I've missed that phrase.

13:56Graham Norton:I have too. So I think you need to back off slightly because I think you pressuring him is making him dig his heels in. But I think there is a way of turning a holiday wardrobe into a slight adventure. And it's a fun thing to do because, like you say, you can show them things online. Oh, my God, look at this restaurant. And look, no one in it's wearing a sort of pissy yellow cream linen jacket. So, yeah.

14:26Maria McErlane:The other thing you can do is when he's packed, unpack everything and put all his military wear in. So he's got to wear military stuff on the Amalfi clothes. He'd love that. He'd love that.

14:34Graham Norton:He's no stranger to formal wear.

14:35Maria McErlane:No. No. And his shoes are always very shiny.

14:38Graham Norton:Yes.

14:39Maria McErlane:Because he's a military man, don't you know?

14:41Graham Norton:Yeah, and then Sue cries when they're not shiny enough.

14:47Graham Norton:I believe, Maria, in my heart, that it is time to hear from our wangers. This is our free mailing list if you want to read the problems ahead of time to offer your advice. Just shoot us an email at our usual address if you want to be like one of these lovely people who've sent their responses. Maria, get reading.

15:07Maria McErlane:Yeah. Juliet in Kent said, you say he's a great dad. I wonder if the solution lies through your children. Very good, Juliet. I personally would be mortified and quite frankly, outraged if my partner of many years decided I needed some coaching from him on what to wear. However, if my children made some comments like, so what sort of clothes are you going to buy for your special holiday? I would be much more receptive. Wise, Juliet.

15:31Graham Norton:And actually, you're right. Because I think if it was turned around, Sue would be outraged if the husband went, you're not going to the Amalfi Coast dressed like that, are you? It's true. Yeah. Those florals again, no way, baby. Neil in London. I wonder what his voice sounds like. We're about to find out. Oh!

15:48Maria McErlane:Make sure that he knows that you've got some nice places that you want to go and you want him to look as smart and compliment how amazing you're going to look. So start off by buying a great pair of jeans, some linen trousers, shirt, some tops, a really sharp jacket, and maybe even some sunglasses and some great new footwear. Start with that and then help him build towards that as he sees how amazing he can look alongside you.

16:11Graham Norton:Yeah.

16:12Maria McErlane:What are your thoughts on espadrilles?

16:14Graham Norton:Espadrilles? I mean, they're fine in Spain.

16:16Maria McErlane:What about the Amalfi Coast?

16:18Graham Norton:I'm not sure because it's very hilly and I feel like you might have an accident in an espadrille.

16:22Maria McErlane:Coloured crocs?

16:23Graham Norton:Coloured crocs, now you're talking.

16:25Maria McErlane:They're in fashion?

16:26Graham Norton:No, no, but I love a croc. Oh. No, no. Seriously, I, like you, rolled my eyes at Crocs. Oh, now you're wearing them. And then my sister bought me some fleece-lined Crocs for Christmas. What colour? Dark blue. And I opened it. And you know that thing? Oh, Jesus, what has she bought me? I never take them off. I wear them all summer long. Do you? Yeah, love them. I forget they're on. I literally, I'm going out and I think, oh, I must put some shoes on. And then I look down and go, oh, I'm wearing shoes!

16:57Maria McErlane:Okay, that's your pitch for getting Crocs to sponsor you. I say, what's wrong with a Dr. Skoll sandal?

17:04Graham Norton:Lovely. Or what are the other ones? I've got loads of them now. You can't remember what they're called. Birkenstocks, yes. I love Birkenstocks as well. Fleece-lined? Oh, I do have some Fleece-lined Birkenstocks, yes. Sorry I asked. They're for the winter. I would say Neil, what he describes, I think they might end up looking like kind of Mr. and Mrs. Reps from the travel company. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You can't be matchy-matchy as a couple. Otherwise, people would just think either you're ballroom dancers or you work for the hotel.

17:39Maria McErlane:Also, you know, you're invisible because everyone's looking at the young, beautiful people.

17:44Graham Norton:And the view.

17:45Maria McErlane:And the view.

17:45Graham Norton:It's in Malfi Coast.

17:46Maria McErlane:In Malfi Coast, yeah.

17:46Graham Norton:Unless you're at a bad table. And Sue and badly dressed husband will never get a good table.

17:51Maria McErlane:They'll be by the toilet every time. Yeah, I know.

17:54Graham Norton:They'll be in that table. It's buried into the cliff.

17:57Maria McErlane:John in Perth says, Come on, you've been together for 30 years and you've not moaned about it until now. Fair point, John in Perth. Clearly you have different opinions on what is high fashion. He might think you look like Bette Lynch to his Alf Garnet, but I bet he's just happy to be heading off to Italy with you. Don't want to go to the Amalfi Coast with him looking like a tramp? Then don't go. I'm sure Alf will have a wonderful time in his white vest in knee-length shorts without you wanging on about it.

18:23Graham Norton:Wanging on.

18:23Maria McErlane:We like that, John in Perth, just for the branding alone. Maura says, let's be realistic. There would be blood on the moon if the roles were reversed and he was complaining about her dress sense. After 30 plus years, he's not going to change. And besides, why shouldn't he be comfortable on holiday? I think she needs to get over herself. And if she doesn't like how he looks, don't look at him.

18:44Graham Norton:Wow.

18:44Maria McErlane:Harsh but fair.

18:45Graham Norton:I know, I like that. If you don't know how he looks, don't look at him. Actually, all round, I like Maura. I'm not looking at you.

18:49Maria McErlane:I like the blood on the moon. I'm not looking at you. I don't like how you look. I'm not looking at you. She's got to do that all through your mouth. She's going to miss all those views. I know.

18:59Graham Norton:She hates a fizz pod.

19:02Maria McErlane:Emily says, money talks, wealth whispers.

19:05Graham Norton:I'm loving the wangers today. That's a... I haven't finished. I know, but I've just never heard that phrase before. It's great.

19:12Maria McErlane:Okay, I haven't either. Yeah. Should I say the whole thing?

19:14Graham Norton:No, I've heard it now.

19:16Maria McErlane:Money talks, wealth whispers.

19:18Graham Norton:Why, you told me that.

19:18Maria McErlane:Yeah, but it's got another bit to add to it. And I need to do the setup. Okay, okay, okay. Money Talks, Wealth Whispers. Nothing screams old money more than some patched up clothes. He will fit right in on the Amalfi Coast. You see, people forget this these days.

19:36Graham Norton:The faded gentry.

19:36Maria McErlane:Yeah.

19:38Graham Norton:Yes.

19:38Maria McErlane:They're cash poor, but house rich.

19:41Graham Norton:Honestly, nothing says rich like dragging a dead Labrador on a lead along the Amalfi Coast. then you know that's landed gentry right there. Is that a duke? Sue, I hope you can benefit from the wealth of help and support you've just received. And whatever your husband wears, listen, just have a great holiday. Enjoy yourselves. Remember, you, the listener, can send your dilemmas in to Maria and I. All you have to do is email wangingon at listen.co.uk. We'll pause a breath before diving headfirst into our next dilemma in but a moment.

20:16Maria McErlane:This episode is brought to you by Hotels.com.

20:20Graham Norton:Make your next trip work for you. Hotels.com just rolled out a game-changing feature called Save Your Way, and it's as simple as it sounds.

20:28Maria McErlane:When you book a trip as a Hotels.com member, you decide how to use your savings.

20:34Graham Norton:Choose to take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later.

20:39Maria McErlane:It's your call. Envision converting discounts on this week's stay into rewards for a luxurious beach getaway next year. No complicated maths, no blackout dates, just you choosing how to make your travels work harder for you.

20:55Graham Norton:Only at Hotels.com

20:57Maria McErlane:Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on hotels with members' prices. Other terms apply. See site for details.

21:07Graham Norton:The time has come for Maria McCurlin to burst forth with another dilemma. Oh, she has it. She's poised. She's ready. Here we go.

21:14Maria McErlane:Oh, another long one. How good. Dear Graham and Maria, while on maternity leave, I made some new mum friends. Oh, yes. We all got along so well. One of the mums told me her partner worked at the same place as my husband. Small world. Later, my husband was at work party. As the night wore on and the drinks were flowing, my husband saw this woman's partner getting very close with some ladies on the dance floor. He told me things looked very handsy. He saw no more than that, but lots of rumours are now spreading around the office about this man kissing someone that night. Oh my goodness. I'm in a very awkward position.

21:54Maria McErlane:Technically, I don't know if this man has cheated, but his behaviour is less than desirable. I wouldn't be happy if my husband was behaving like that at all. Do I tell my friend? If I do, I risk breaking up a relationship with a baby in the middle. And that's from Shania. That don't impress me much. It really doesn't.

22:15Graham Norton:I mean, Shania, what is really going on in your head that you think you should get involved in this? Your husband, okay, your husband might have seen a kiss, but it sounds like he didn't even see a kiss. But the rumours going around, presumably spread by your husband, that this happened. Look, maybe it was a drunken incident. Maybe he did kiss somebody at the party. Whoop-de-doo. You know, drink happens. An accident might have happened. You do, you've no evidence to say this guy is cheating. So the idea of wading in, and as you say, possibly splitting up a relationship where there's a new baby, there's already so much pressure on this relationship.

22:56Graham Norton:It's just insanity. So just keep mom.

23:00Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. Very good. I see what you did there. You brought it back round. Yeah, to mom. I think nothing good ever comes from people saying, you know, should I tell them? Should I intervene? I feel it's my duty to let them know that he was seen without somebody's real father. You know, it's like no good will ever come from it. Think to yourself, how will this benefit any of the people that we're talking about? It will not. I mean, the term trunk out dumbo comes to mind. Keep your big schnoz out of other people's business. and just, you know, carry on having a nice relationship with her. It's really nothing to do with you, Shania.

23:38Maria McErlane:And, you know, what will happen is you'll say something and then a big row will happen. They'll get back together and you will be dirt in their eyes and you will be shunned from the mum's group as being a gossip and no one will like you anymore.

23:52Graham Norton:And also, Shania, I would have a word with my husband to tell him to cool it on this, spreading this rumour. Because, you know, these things get out of control. You know, they're like a forest fire. You know, it's one spark and then boom. And it will get back to your friend. And as Maria says, no good will come of it. It's just a disaster waiting to happen.

24:15Maria McErlane:It's a slightly small town thing of gossip as currency. Yes. I don't think this is a good idea ever. You know, there are other things to talk about that are more interesting.

24:24Graham Norton:And it's the workplace. And also, I like how, you know, who were these women on the dance floor? Do they have partners? You know, it's just, it was a works party. Let's, you know.

24:36Maria McErlane:Everyone drank too much. Let's gloss over what happened at the works party stays at the works party.

24:41Graham Norton:It's like Las Vegas. Yeah.

24:42Maria McErlane:Or the Amalfi Coast.

24:43Graham Norton:Oh, yeah. So I think, Shania, you know, we can talk around the houses here, but really we're just saying no, no, no, no. So it's just hearsay from your husband who, is it wrong of me to bring this up? Go on. I don't know what you're going to bring up. Well, is his accusation a deflection? For himself. For himself. There might be rumours going around the office about him.

25:10Maria McErlane:Yeah. Yes, Shania. Yes. Let he that is without sin through the first stone.

25:16Graham Norton:Darling, that's a quote from the Bible.

25:18Maria McErlane:No, no, it's not. It's Marian Keyes.

25:22Graham Norton:She wrote the Bible. I think without a moment's delay, we need to find out what our wangers thought about this. Off you go, Maria. Who've you got?

25:32Maria McErlane:Michelle on the Wirral says, I'd raise it casually, no, on your next mum and baby meet-up. Say that you'd heard that some men at work parties get very tactile after a few tipples. Perhaps this could open up the discussion within the mum friends as to what they would do if it was their husband. Then your conscience can remain clear as you haven't broken up a marriage. but you've got people thinking, no, no, no, Michelle on the Wirral.

25:54Graham Norton:No, that's like kind of, oh, I'll just play with these matches beside the big tank of petrol. That's right. I hope nothing bad happens.

26:01Maria McErlane:But if it does, it's not my fault.

26:02Graham Norton:No, I'm just playing with matches.

26:04Maria McErlane:Martin says, my thoughts are you should go ahead and tell her what's going on. There's no smoke without fire talking in matches. This probably isn't the first time rumours like this have started and it won't be the last. At the end of the day, if the rumours are true, your friend deserves to know and her partner should keep his hands to himself.

26:21Graham Norton:Oh, Martin with a Y.

26:22Maria McErlane:I wish we had a voice note.

26:24Graham Norton:Why, why, why? Why, Martin with a Y. Why, why? Melissa has provided that voice note.

26:30Maria McErlane:Good. Do not say a thing to your friend with the handsy husband. You haven't actually seen anything. So if anything, your husband can keep an eye on what he's up to at work or any other events and he can report back, but don't lose your friend over it.

26:48Graham Norton:I mean, Melissa, you're right to say nothing, but I think you're wrong about turning the husband into some sort of gnar. Miss Marple. Yeah. And when I checked into the same hotel room as him, I noticed there was a woman in the bed. Just, no, stop it.

27:03Maria McErlane:Cathy says, if my bestie's husband was behaving like this, I'd consider telling her husband he needs to tell her himself. No, no, no. Before someone else did. Really, it's best not to make yourself an actor in someone else's soap opera. Good advice, good advice. Maybe she knows but is looking the other way. If you tell her, you take that option away from her. She's too busy looking after a baby at the moment to care, frankly, I think.

27:25Graham Norton:And also, her husband got drunk one night. Yeah. You know, stuff happens. We're all grown-ups.

27:30Maria McErlane:Eileen says, oh, dear God, don't base anything on your husband's, probably also drunken, observations. Good on you, Eileen. Thank you. Come on, Eileen. What if your partner did something shenanigans related and is trying to distract from it? I said that, Eileen. I said that. I said that. As they say, he who smelt it. Oh, she's really mixing her metaphors now. He who smelt it, dealt it. Plus, rumours of a drunken kiss is not the same thing as schtuping the boss at a Coldplay concert on the kiss cam.

28:00Graham Norton:That was one of my favourite things during the summer.

28:02Maria McErlane:It was very pleasing, wasn't it?

28:04Graham Norton:It was. But also, it was like a child. You know when you didn't want the teacher to see you, you'd hide behind somebody. I was like, no, no, you're still there. They can see you. By the way, if you're watching this on YouTube or maybe Spotify, do comment below. What do you think Shania should do? Should she say anything? It's a tricky one. Shania, whatever you decide to do, good luck to you. Just time to finish with this week's submission for Am I Weird. What have you got, Maria?

28:32Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird comes from Mary in Dublin. Hello, Mary. Who says, he's so insincere, who says, Hi, Graham and Maria. I'm a 40-year-old mum of three with a bizarre phobia of the wrinkly hands you get when you've been in water for ages. I have watched my children in the bath with yellow rubber gloves on since they were babies. Yeah, no fetishes there when they're grown up, right? And when I have to go swimming with them, much to my disdain, I walk around the pool with T-Rex arms raised above the water for fear of wrinkling, pruning skin. Am I weird? Yes, I think that is quite weird because it takes quite a long time for your hands to go pruney in hot water, doesn't it?

29:19Maria McErlane:It's not like instant. Yeah. I say looking down at my own pruning hands with no water to be found.

29:26Graham Norton:Am I weird?

29:27Maria McErlane:I've got pruney hands all the time. Oh my God.

29:31Graham Norton:Oh, Mary. Look, I think phobias are... There's two different sorts of phobias, aren't there? You know when people say, oh, I have a phobia of sharks. Or spiders. But also then that's, well, that's motivated by fear. Yeah. And that's a rational fear to me. Whereas, have you really got a phobia of wrinkly hands or just they give you the ick? You don't like the feel of it. Yeah. Mind you, the fact that she's bathed her children with rubber gloves for their whole lives suggests it is an actual phobia.

29:59Maria McErlane:Yeah.

29:59Graham Norton:There are people you can see, but it's not a debilitating phobia.

30:03Maria McErlane:I mean, it is kind of weird, but you've been doing it for so long and nothing bad has happened. So I would say keep doing it. There's probably a self-help group for you, sponsored by Marigold.

30:17Graham Norton:They'll love you. You should wear them to the swimming pool as well.

30:20Maria McErlane:Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand why she doesn't wear them to the swimming pool. But maybe she doesn't want to look weird.

30:24Graham Norton:Yeah, she just walks around like that.

30:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, which isn't weird at all. No!

30:28Graham Norton:Why is that woman surrendering in the shallow end?

30:31Maria McErlane:Do you think someone is going to shoot her? Yeah. I give up. Please, no, I've got children.

30:38Graham Norton:They've been bathed with marigolds since they were born. Do you have any phobias? No. I don't either. Anything give you the ick? I mean, I feel like lots of things give me the ick. Yeah. People. Yeah.

30:50Maria McErlane:Going outside.

30:51Graham Norton:Adults on scooters.

30:53Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah.

30:54Graham Norton:But that's not a phobia.

30:55Maria McErlane:Actually, what really gives me the ick are people on public transport with speakerphones on. I know. When is that going to be made illegal? Yeah.

31:04Graham Norton:You can't eat on the tube.

31:06Maria McErlane:Can't you? No. Who says?

31:08Graham Norton:Oh, Maria, have you been eating on the tube? Are you that woman?

31:11Maria McErlane:That's the only place I can eat. I've got a phobia about eating.

31:16Graham Norton:So I guess, Mary, you are weird. We can't say you're not weird.

31:20Maria McErlane:No, I mean...

31:21Graham Norton:You are weird, but it's not that debilitating, I don't think.

31:25Maria McErlane:No. And if you wanted to, if you really wanted to, I think you think it makes you more interesting. thing. If you really wanted to, you could try without the rubber gloves. You know, you could kind of do that aversion therapy and put your hands in hot water for five minutes and see what happens. Nothing bad.

31:38Graham Norton:No. Or, you know, buy a pet spider. You could be scared of that.

31:42Maria McErlane:Yeah.

31:43Graham Norton:Yeah. Divert your phobia.

31:44Maria McErlane:Yeah. Or just get some therapy for your children.

31:47Graham Norton:They will need it.

31:48Maria McErlane:They will need it. Marigold rubber gloves since they were tiny in the bath.

31:53Graham Norton:One of them will grow up to be a dominatrix.

31:56Maria McErlane:Almost certainly. And her favourite colour, his or her favourite colour, will not be yellow.

32:03Graham Norton:No. Maria, that's time. It's over. That's the end of this week's episode of Wanging On.

32:08Maria McErlane:Thank goodness. No, I didn't mean that. I meant, oh, what a shame. It's been so nice to talk to you, whoever you are. Are there any caveats? Have I got something to say? Yeah, you do.

32:18Graham Norton:It involves caveats.

32:21Maria McErlane:Here's the caveat, of course. We're not experts. You knew that though by now. For genuine help, head to our Instagram page where there's a link to proper support services. We're at wanging on. That's all one word. And if you enjoy your weekly things, wanging on, go ahead and tap the subscribe or follow button on your podcast app of choice. That way you'll never miss an episode of us.

32:45Graham Norton:Marvellous. A big thanks, of course, to Sue, Shania and Mary for their messages, plus all the wangers for chipping in with their two cents. wanging on with graham and maria is a listen production and we shall see you next week goodbye

33:04Graham Norton:the ups store is making packing and shipping easter gifts quicker than ever this year with

33:08Maria McErlane:ups air how quick quicker than a walk around the park quicker than eating all the easter candies quicker than finding a golden egg that you know is stuffed with cash when you ship ups air at the

33:19Graham Norton:UPS Store, your items arrive on time or your money back. Guaranteed at no extra cost. Exclusively at the UPS Store U.S. retail locations. Send Easter joy on time at the UPS Store. Visit theupsstore.com slash airguaranteed for full details. Terms and conditions apply.