How Long Will Graham Continue with his TV Show?

17:23Graham Norton:Can I just say, how beautiful of Ross to share this, to make himself so vulnerable.

17:27Maria McErlane:Own up. Thank you, Ross. It was purely accidental as I had flushed the toilet, but the water pressure of the flush hadn't carried everything away.

17:36Graham Norton:We've all been there.

17:37Maria McErlane:I was confronted by an angry flatmate who was similarly disgusted, and we both agreed to take a second look after every flush. Not only was it the saviour of our relationship, but it highlighted some dietary changes that we both needed to make. Fruit loaf! Convince them to check after they've washed their hands and maybe provide a copy of the Bristol stool chart. Now you've just gone silly, Ross, haven't you?

18:03Graham Norton:There is a Bristol stool chart. Is there? Yeah. Which tells you what's healthy and what isn't. Yeah, and it's like clouds. They all have a different name. Cirrus. Cumulus. I've done a cumulus poo. Uh-oh, storms are brewing. All right, well, before we're all sick, let me just thank Anonymous for sharing that problem.

18:26Maria McErlane:As you say, no problem, too small.

18:28Graham Norton:You share your most pressing dilemma. Everything sounds wrong now. Pressing, pressing. With Maria and I just email wanging on at listen.co.uk. We'll have another dilemma in just a moment. This episode is brought to you by Hotels.com. Make your next trip work for you. Hotels.com just rolled out a game-changing feature called Save Your Way, and it's as simple as it sounds. When you book a trip as a Hotels.com member, you decide how to use your savings. Choose to take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later. It's your call. Envision converting discounts on this week's stay into rewards for a luxurious beach getaway next year.

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20:22Graham Norton:Maria, please be forthcoming with another problem. You have an envelope. There it is. I hope it's of a higher caliber.

20:29Maria McErlane:It looks very official. Dear Graham and Maria, my partner met a new friend at work. This is more like it. Thank goodness. We know where this is going. We're back on solid ground. Oh, solids.

20:40Graham Norton:I'll just consult the chart.

20:44Maria McErlane:The Bristol chart. My partner made a new friend at work and I'm not a big fan of her. My partner works in a coffee shop and this new friend is one of her regular customers. Since they've become friends, this girl, shush, This girl has started giving my partner extravagant gifts. She spent hundreds of pounds on gift cards, beauty vouchers, and very expensive merchandise to specially personalise birthday and Christmas gifts. And she always picks stuff up for her because she just thought of her. I'm starting to feel like it's very inappropriate for this girl to be spending lots of money on my girlfriend.

21:21Maria McErlane:And I'm thinking she has more than friendship on her mind. when my partner's car was written off she offered to buy her a new one and has even tried to invite her on a girly holiday together with all expenses paid I don't know how to approach this topic because it makes me feel hugely uncomfortable but I don't want to tell my girlfriend she can't be friends with someone as that seems controlling I don't have the same income but I do want my girlfriend to feel special and I'm starting to feel like this girl is spoiling my girlfriend when surely that should be my job. Please help. And that is from Sarah.

21:59Maria McErlane:Sarah, I think you're right to be suspicious here. But I think what you have to do is meet this girl yourself. Oh. You have to say to your partner, she's a good friend of yours. She's been very kind to you. Invite her over for dinner. So that this girl with designs on your girlfriend, obviously, can see that she is in a loving relationship and needs to keep a big trunk out of your business. On the other hand, are you certain, Sarah, that your girlfriend isn't keen on the giver of gifts?

22:35Graham Norton:Well, I think girlfriend is probably keen on gifts. Yeah. But I would say, Sarah, here's the thing. Thank you for writing in. And I'm with Maria. I think you are right to see a problem here. But actually, it's your girlfriend's problem. Your girlfriend needs to sort this out. and your girlfriend needs to set boundaries with this woman and kind of go, look, lovely to see you every day. You know, yes, you like a chai grande or whatever. But these gifts are too much now. It's embarrassing. It's kind of weird. Thank you. Let's just, you know. It feels like it's a little bit late for that. She's accepted quite a lot, hundreds of pounds of stuff, Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, invitations on posh holidays.

23:17It's like she wants all of that and she's taken all of that. So it's a bit like after the horse has bolted saying, oh, no more, I couldn't possibly accept that Rolex walk.

23:26Graham Norton:And also, is there a weird thing where she's going back to Sarah and kind of going, you never were. She offered to buy me a car today. There is a weird thing. I mean, shut up about it. Yeah, so she's kind of rubbing your nose in the dirt about not having a lot of money. So there's something in this relationship that is not sitting well with me, Graham. Yes, I think Sarah's girlfriend is enjoying this too much. Well, who wouldn't enjoy? Well, no, because it's awkward. because if you're not interested in that person, you don't want those gifts because the more gifts you accept, the more you're saying, I'm happy to get the attention.

23:58And the more kind of hold they have over you. But so you can, of course, talk to your girlfriend and I think that is essential. But it feels like that has also, that time has passed too. So I would say, I would want to know who this woman is and what she's like. And I would want her to know that my girlfriend and I, And then you can catch the dynamic also, Sarah, between the two of them. So you can see if there is anything to worry about.

24:25Graham Norton:And also, if you haven't met this woman, meeting her might reassure you. Yes, that's true. You might go, oh, this is no threat. It's just gifts. Yeah. It's, you know, it's just free stuff. But it's... It's still wrong. It's wrong of your girlfriend to be accepting this. Yes. If there isn't something that's wanted in return. And let's face it, there is always something that is no such thing as a free gift card and birthday present. and car and holiday with the girls all expenses paid. I mean, you know, this is too much and it should have been halted a while ago. And if this woman, to your point, if this woman is a friend of your girlfriend's, why isn't she inviting you along?

25:05Graham Norton:Why isn't she saying, oh, and bring Sarah? You know, that's because it's like she's trying to take her away. I think there's a way that Sarah can talk to her girlfriend about this where she's clear that I'm not jealous. This isn't about jealousy. It's about inappropriateness. This is the fact that you are indulging this woman in this way is, you know, it's wrong because you are leading her. It makes me want to say, what is she playing at? Yeah. What is the girlfriend playing at? She's playing them off against each other, running home to tell Sarah about the holiday and accepting the lovely gifts.

25:44and, you know, it's like you can't have it always. You need to sort of find things out. And if you can't speak to your girlfriend about it, if you feel that that's controlling, then just say, hey, invite her around for dinner. I feel like in this instance, I know what you mean.

26:01Graham Norton:In this instance, I don't think it is controlling because, I don't know, there's just something a bit off about the whole situation where, you know, we all have friends, we all make nice new friends, but they don't bombard us with gifts. I mean, it's like Sarah's girlfriend is pretending to be clueless. She's pretending to be so naive. Oh, she's so generous. Like, no, you know what's going on here too. There is something fishy. Yeah. Stop it. Oh, Graham, you went there. You said it. I know, but I didn't think you would go there.

26:37Maria McErlane:Shall we see what the wangers have said?

26:39Graham Norton:Okay. Can I also just say? Yes, you can. What sort of coffee shop is this? I mean, it does seem like quite a highfalutin coffee shop. It's a knocking shop. Is that what it is? What about if Sarah went along to the coffee shop and just spent the whole day there

26:54Maria McErlane:and she could then just check it out for herself? Anyway, Lisa says, I always felt that I was happy for my daughters when people in their life loved them, whether it was on my ex's side or mine or their friends or partners. I just think that if you love someone, you'd be happy they have good friends. Maybe you suggest that your partner hints that you're happily in a monogamous relationship just so this person is not wasting her money in vain entertaining romantic notions.

27:20Graham Norton:Lisa's quite naive for a mother.

27:22Maria McErlane:Yeah.

27:23Graham Norton:I'm sort of amazed that Lisa just thinks, oh, isn't that nice, people in their life that love them?

27:28Maria McErlane:I wonder if Sarah's partner has even said to this giver of gifts, I've got a partner at home. Her name is Sarah. Anyway, Cathy says, I don't think it's a competition between you and this new friend. it is very controlling to tell your girlfriend not to be friends with someone. We've accepted that. I think you're jealous of your girlfriend having this new friend who treats her to things. Girls like to treat their friends when they can. It's not fair on your girlfriend if you have a comment or you put a face on every time she talks about her new friend. Maybe you should realise it's not all about you and how you feel and let your girlfriend enjoy her new friendship.

28:05Maria McErlane:Am I missing something here?

28:07Graham Norton:I'm with you. Cathy has read this letter totally. Because, yes, I agree with you. Telling someone you can't be friends with someone is very controlling. But equally, you would acknowledge something's off here. There is something slightly predatory and odd. This isn't about just girlfriends treating each other when they can. This is about a wealthy woman shoving money at the woman in the coffee shop, trying to impress her, and it's working.

28:33Maria McErlane:Okay, Rachel Imride says, well, someone's interested in having their marshmallows and extra cream in their coffee, aren't they? I like Rachel. OK, how do you tell your girlfriend? Well, you sit her down at home and you say being open with each other is part of being in a good relationship. Tell her how you feel. Ask her if she's happy receiving all these extravagant gifts. Obviously, this new friend wants more and your girlfriend is enjoying the attention. She is the one who should stop this, brackets, if she wants to. Don't get your milk all frothy. Just give her a double espresso. Now you see you've gone too far on this metaphor.

29:07Maria McErlane:Yeah, it was clever to begin with. We didn't need to loop back. You had to stretch it. Yeah, we didn't need to loop back to the coffee. Stretching it's never good. But thank you, Rachel in mind. Lou in Perth. We love Lou in Perth. Ask your girlfriend to accept the car and the holiday on condition she takes you along as well. Then everyone's happy for a little while.

29:24Graham Norton:I like that, for a little while. For a little while, yep. Even if you're only ever happy for a little while. You're left in a lay-by.

29:30Maria McErlane:With no head. Catherine says, I would be very honest with your girlfriend and state that you would like to be the one who makes her feel special and that this other rich bitch is making you feel very uncomfortable. Also, if I was your girlfriend, I would have set boundaries with this new girl giving gifts. Maybe she is enjoying the attention too and it's not all the other girl's fault. Love the podcast. Hooray! Thank you very much, Catherine. That's made me feel a bit icky as well. Two icky problems.

30:02Graham Norton:Sarah, she really has divided opinion with that problem. People had lots of different thoughts on it. It's interesting, isn't it, how people could see it so differently because you kind of think that's clearly off. Yeah, no, there's red flags all the way on this one, I feel. And it's a two-fold, two-pronged solution. Speak to your girlfriend and find out about the woman. If you're enjoying this podcast on Spotify or YouTube, please feel free to leave a comment below. We'd like to read them. We're almost out of here, but time for the final Am I Weird. I mean, not the final ever. Yeah, not the final ever.

30:37Graham Norton:Yeah, kind of the end of this bit. Am I fired now?

30:40Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Jason. Woo-hoo! Go on, Jason. Hi, Graham and Maria. Whenever my husband and I go away for weekends or longer trips, I always do the packing for both of us. My friends will mock me because I do what I refer to as photo packing. Photo packing means I lay each day's outfits one by one on the bed, photograph it, label it with the day, etc., and send it in the WhatsApp for us to refer to during the trip.

31:14Maria McErlane:My friends all think I'm bonkers. My husband is fine with it, although that might just be because he's lazy. He does like to mess with me by swapping the odd outfit here and there and wearing it on the wrong day. What the hell? Oh, my God. This doesn't bother me at all. By this point, my work has been done and he can wear what he likes Am I weird? And Jason has indeed included a photograph so we can see what he means. If you would like to explain it, Graham, the photograph.

31:41Graham Norton:I mean, I do love this. Let me see, let me see. See, Jason Saturday, Jason Wednesday. You see, I think everything's all right until we get to the WhatsApp. No, because you've got to store the photograph somewhere. Okay, but you can just check the photographs yourself and say, oh, it's Tuesday, you're wearing the polka dot. But Jason's got to be able to see the picture. And his boyfriend? His husband, yeah. Well, can't he just go like that with the phone? What? He'd live together. He packs for him. They're on holiday. There's a WhatsApp group. He's like, there's enough WhatsApp groups. You live with this man.

32:16You've done his packing.

32:17Graham Norton:I think Jason is wasted. He should be doing the fashion segment on This Morning or something. I mean... Let me have a look. Let me have a look to see if he should be doing the fashion segment. Oh, yeah. Says the lady dressed as a superhero.

32:31Maria McErlane:Jason Wednesday Jason Saturday Jason Sunday I'm not sure I'd wear any of that Would you?

32:36Graham Norton:You're not Jason I know Jason loves that flowery shirt It's from Paul Smith Do you remember? Do you remember? They got it in a coffee garden That Saturday Do you remember? And my wallet got stolen Is he weird, Graham? No I think he's a genius We all need a Jason in our lives That would be so great To go on holiday And not have to think once About what to wear You just go, oh, here it is. Yeah, yeah. Today's outfit. Hey, Jason, one thing, you're infantilising your husband. He doesn't do it in life. He just does it on holiday. On holiday. Does he do it in life? We don't know. Well, he doesn't say he does.

33:12No, but I think that's where he's heading.

33:15Graham Norton:No, I think, Jason, you're not weird. You're an unsung hero. That's what I'd say. I think you're a genius. I think, do the packing, lay things out, if you like, for each day. but you don't need the WhatsApp you can just tell him when you're on holiday that's Tuesday's outfit you're wearing it and it's Wednesday but I don't think you should go any further with this Jason Do you remember I think we had I think we had a problem was from a woman and she hated what her husband wore on holiday I do remember that Yes and well Jason has the solution you don't let him choose you just pick all the outfits take photographs of them and go Brian it's a Tuesday you know what you're wearing Yeah.

33:56What if this name's not Brian? Well, then that's going to be awkward. You're on holiday with the wrong person.

34:00Graham Norton:I'm worried. I'm worried. Oh, no. We're okay. No, because I was afraid that maybe it was, you know, every day you had to do day into evening. Because one of the pleasures of going on holiday is coming back to the room. Have a shower ready for dinner. Ready for dinner. But I noticed they're different. Jason has a Wednesday outfit, but then he's got a separate outfit for the whale tour.

34:24Maria McErlane:Does it say it all right?

34:25Graham Norton:Wednesday the 30th whale tour and it's a nice lautical stripe. See, I think he needs galoshes

34:33Maria McErlane:and a Grace Darling coat for the whale tour. It might be very choppy. And a harpoon. Jason, I do feel you're infantilising your husband and I think he's a bit of a lazy git.

34:48Graham Norton:I think you're a genius, Jason, and your husband is very lucky to have you. That's what I say. But you're not weird, though. There are issues here but you're not weird. Yeah. Don't go thinking you're weird. When you've just got issues, controlling issues about what people wear. He's organized. That's all. He's organized and gifted. Would you like Jason in your life? Yes. Okay. No, no. You wouldn't like somebody telling you what to wear? No. What I've done is I've reduced my wardrobe to nothing. Okay. All my socks are the same color. You're naked all the time. All my underwear are the same. I always wear a white t-shirt on or whatever I'm wearing.

35:26Graham Norton:It's just a uniform. And then I put a couple of things on top. That's all. I don't want to think about what I'm wearing at all. So I'm so with Jason. In fact, he's overdone it. It's too much. It's too fussy. It is. Too fussy. But not weird. No. Maria, that's us. The end of another glittering edition of Wanging On. It's over. All by the crying.

35:49Maria McErlane:I feel I have something to say. Oh, you do. You do, lady. If you need genuine help with any of the problems we discuss on the pod, you should seek it out from the proper channels. And there's more on our Instagram at wangingon.

36:01Graham Norton:And we'll be back next week with hopefully some more Tony problems. So have a marvellous week in the meantime. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production. Goodbye.

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