How to Fight Loneliness in Adult Life - Graham and Maria share their advice

4:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah.

4:26Graham Norton:Yeah. No, you would have been there. It was in a kind of loft bar in Soho upstairs. And I just remember, I just felt very grown up that I paid for drinks at my party.

4:36Maria McErlane:Do you remember how many people you had?

4:38Graham Norton:I mean, the bar seemed very full, I remember.

4:41Maria McErlane:And you had a nice time. I think so. Did you get off with anyone?

4:44Graham Norton:No, I had a boyfriend.

4:45Maria McErlane:I don't know about you with memory, but the other day somebody on Twitter sent me a commercial. And it was for, I think, tea bags or something like that. I can't remember the brand. But it was me in a commercial. And I absolutely have no recollection of doing this commercial.

5:01Graham Norton:Wow. Yeah. That is some strong tea.

5:04Maria McErlane:That is spilling the tea, baby, on the state of my brain cells.

5:09Graham Norton:But if it made no impact, because, you know, if you think about it, we don't remember what we did every day. No. And you know that thing when people are always, I remember we went for dinner in that place. You're thinking, did we? Yeah. You know, I'm pretty sure I've never eaten with you. But, you know, they haven't made it up. You probably did go to dinner with them.

5:24Maria McErlane:And also, I did do quite a lot of commercials in the early days.

5:28Graham Norton:Hence the 25th anniversary embossed card. Yes.

5:31Maria McErlane:And a lot of those were, when you're a bit younger, you can do what they used to call in the advertising industry, I don't know if I can say this, two Cs in a K. And that means two in a kitchen. Oh. And it was two women. normally with a kind of cashmere jumper tied around the neck and a pair of mum jeans on discussing washing powder or nappes or quick save I did a long campaign tour with Jenny Eclair feminist comedian Really? Jenny Eclair no Jenny Le Coat I think of them

6:01Graham Norton:Oh yeah memory's so bad Yeah yeah Yeah somebody Jenny somebody No two Jennys

6:06Maria McErlane:there were only two Jennys Jenny Le Coat and I did a yeah

6:09Graham Norton:Spinning Jenny Is that on YouTube? Could we find it?

6:12Maria McErlane:I don't know Don't even look

6:13Graham Norton:I might after this Okay, we'll get stuck into some dilemmas very soon.

6:44Maria McErlane:Envision converting discounts on this week's stay into rewards for a luxurious beach getaway next year. No complicated maths, no blackout dates, just you choosing how to make your travels work harder for you.

6:59Graham Norton:Only at Hotels.com.

7:00Maria McErlane:Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on hotels with members' prices. Other terms apply. See site for details.

7:11Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app. The sooner you start investing, the more potential you have to build your money. Even for beginners, SoFi makes it simple with an easy-to-use app to get you going. SoFi is offering up to$1 ,000 in stock when you open and fund a SoFi self-directed brokerage account. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify. Brokerage offered through SoFi Securities LLC. Member FINRA slash SIPC. Terms apply. Maria? Yeah? Open a letter and read it aloud, I beg you.

7:45Maria McErlane:Oh, do you? How much will you pay me if I do that? Dear Graham and Maria.

7:49Graham Norton:Not enough to get you an embossed invitation.

7:52Maria McErlane:I'm going to find one of those invitations. I had loads left over, that's the sad bit. Dear Graham and Maria.

7:57Graham Norton:Mind you, you missave money if you order more. It's a false economy, I feel.

8:01Maria McErlane:Ah, you're true. I might just rehash them.

8:04Graham Norton:Scribble out 25. Wait till you're 75 and then just...

8:07Maria McErlane:Never going to be 75. Dear Graham and Maria, I'm 56 and have been with my partner for three years. We're buying a house together and have talked about getting married. Recently, we went to choose a ring together. I went all giddy when we found the perfect one. He bought it and all I'm thinking is bloody give it to me. The anticipation is killing me. We've spoken to a priest about the ceremony, so why wait? I think of that Nora Ephron line, when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want your life to start straight away. We've waited for his divorce to come through and he was very ill and in hospital last Christmas.

8:44Maria McErlane:These may be the best days of our lives. We're not the Instagram generation, so I don't want a big thing. Just maybe fish and chips and him asking me the question would be fantastic. What do I do? And that's from Lucy. I'm very perplexed by this, Graham, because she found a ring. They went together. He bought the ring. They've talked to a priest. They've talked to a priest. and he was ill last Christmas, so presumably he knows that life is short, as we all do once we get past a certain age. But Lucy, why don't you say to him, when are we getting married? Well, no, she's not even engaged. Well, you don't need to be engaged.

9:22Graham Norton:But I think Lucy's wedding, I think, Lucy, here's the thing. Because of all the things you've done, like talk about the wedding, buy a ring together and talk to a priest, I'm pretty sure your partner thinks you are engaged. She's not wearing the ring, though.

9:36Maria McErlane:Has she mentioned engagement? I just read that, but I didn't see it.

9:40Graham Norton:Yes, that's what she's waiting for. I thought you were just waiting for him to say, will you marry me?

9:45Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's how you get engaged. No, but that's not engaged. That's will you marry me. That's how you get engaged! Wait a minute. They're 56. They're skipping the engagement. That's an unnecessary expense. They're going for fish and chips on the beach. They're going straight to marriage. They've been together for three years. No engagement. Him asking me the question. The question, will you marry me?

10:06Graham Norton:And that's when you get engaged. When you get married, somebody else says, will you take this person until they get married? I understand how it works. I can't believe I'm explaining it to you. She's waiting to get engaged because she wants to wear the wing. The wing. They bought the wheelie, wheelie-wovely wing. That she chose.

10:26Maria McErlane:I don't even, in the olden days, people didn't get engaged. They just got married.

10:31Graham Norton:Oh, they did.

10:31Maria McErlane:Did they?

10:32Graham Norton:Everyone, yes. And it was a lovely ring. and you'd come into the kitchen and you'd show your parents and they'd cry because you were marrying

10:39Maria McErlane:And how long was the average engagement then?

10:41Graham Norton:Oh, not that Well, I think they varied I think sometimes there was a certain a sense of urgency Yeah Let's say And then sometimes they went on for years

10:51Maria McErlane:But this whole thing of I'm just waiting for him to ask me You bought the ring But she's not wearing it Together No, but you bought it together So you can say Are you going to ask me or not?

11:01Graham Norton:Yes, I must say I feel after three years

11:03Maria McErlane:You're 56 years old, Lucy you're not 12 or you know you're not a blushing child bride you can say to him let's do this thing because none of us are getting any younger mate and you nearly cocked it last year yeah

11:17Graham Norton:ring ring finger's still empty here or just play Beyonce

11:21Maria McErlane:on a loop when you go to bed in very loud speakers if you like it then you better put a ring on it and maybe don't do that

11:30Graham Norton:then he'll call it off

11:31Maria McErlane:maybe when he was ill he thought better of it well I wonder

11:35Graham Norton:there's something very odd about this, Lucy. And I kind of, on one level, I don't understand your problem because I think Rhea's right. You just go, you know, that ring we bought, can I have it? Yeah. Are we not engaged? What's going on? And then on another level, I kind of think, because nothing's happened, is he having gold feet? Is he having second thoughts? Because it is mighty peculiar that they've done all the things they've done, and yet she is still not wearing an engagement ring.

12:02Maria McErlane:I mean, it just surprises me how people, certainly people who are a bit older and longer in the tooth, don't seem to be able to communicate such a simple thing. I don't understand people's relationships in that respect. So if it was a near-death experience last Christmas that made him rethink and go, why am I settling for second best?

12:20Graham Norton:I wonder if one of the things that has made him go, whoa, Nneddy, is finalizing his divorce and the kind of the trauma of that the kind of emotional exhaustion and pain of putting one marriage to bed is making him a bit more hesitant about starting another one they've been

12:40Maria McErlane:together for three years i know but dating someone is very different than the whole walking down an

12:46Graham Norton:aisle because she wants her day with the priest um she doesn't want to be well no yes she doesn't wants to have a big engagement video and do it on Instagram. But I'm betting Lucy wants a big wedding. I think it's her first wedding. And I worry if Lucy says it to him, it'll bring up a conversation where he goes, Lucy, I'm going to break your heart now, but I'm not sure I want to get married.

13:10Maria McErlane:I know, but better to know, she's 56. You've only got a few more years left to find someone eligible with their own teeth.

13:18Graham Norton:You can take wedding photographs without a thick filter.

13:24Maria McErlane:heavily airbrushed or painted on like they did in the Victorian times. Just paint him some hair in or something like that.

13:30Graham Norton:Oh, she looks well.

13:31Maria McErlane:Either way, either way, you know, if it's going to break up, it's best that you know now, Lucy, rather than hanging around waiting for somebody to say some words of stupidness, like, will you marry me? I just don't understand. Where is the ring? Find the ring and just give it to him one day and say, will you ask me then? What's going on?

13:50Graham Norton:Or start wearing it. Just start wearing it.

13:53Maria McErlane:Just start wearing it and tell everybody and put it on Instagram. We're engaged. And then they'll go, see, what now?

13:59Graham Norton:I never, that's you. I have no idea what the wearing is going to make of this. So let's see what they said.

14:06Maria McErlane:Okay. Aisha from London says, A ring doesn't change the best days of your lives, especially if you already know it's in the bag. Selected and of your choice. I think a little patience is needed. Enjoy your time. Plan for buying the house. It will be even more delightful when he does it out of the blue. Also, is there a big birthday or anniversary coming? It could be that he is just waiting for a special occasion to pop the question. Maybe. Let's hope Aisha. Steve in Surrey says, Just say to him a close version of what you've written to Graham and Maria. Something like, I love you and can't wait to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you.

14:43Maria McErlane:I'm not sure what you have planned in terms of proposal, but I just wanted to say that I don't need some grand gesture. All that matters is that we'll be together. Then leave a non-pregnant pause. I think basically...

14:55Graham Norton:He gets into the car and starts the engine.

14:57Maria McErlane:What you do is you just play him this episode, don't you think?

15:02Graham Norton:Yeah, and then he'll turn off the device.

15:05Maria McErlane:And say, I didn't want to do this now, but...

15:07Graham Norton:You forced me. I was hoping we could have a nice Christmas. But no, you had to push it.

15:14Maria McErlane:You had to spoil everything.

15:15Graham Norton:Yes, Christmas is coming. So maybe that's what, maybe it's going to be a really disappointing gift. Yeah. I already had this ring.

15:25Maria McErlane:Happy Christmas.

15:26Graham Norton:Well, this is my main present.

15:27Maria McErlane:Or you could buy two rings and put them in your stockings and one can be for him and one can be for you. I don't know, just ask him. Giles of Giles and Lorraine in Rappelhampton, Say. Why wait for him to pop the question? Why not just ask him to marry you? Fun fact, Lorraine asked me and we've been married now for 32 years. Oh, smug. Smug, Giles.

15:47Graham Norton:No, they're happy. And they've got a very good turning circle.

15:50Maria McErlane:A good turning circle. And a little camper van.

15:53Graham Norton:Yes. Well, it's not so little.

15:54Maria McErlane:No, quite a bit. It's an RV.

15:56Graham Norton:It's an RV.

15:57Maria McErlane:We talk about this every time they come up. And they've got a patio.

16:00Graham Norton:A conservatory. Conservatory. That doubles as a gym.

16:05Maria McErlane:Invite us round, Giles and Lorraine. Pete in Hartford says, Like you say in your letter, with ill health in your lives, it's important to live every day to the fullest. If you're keen for him to ask you, why not ask if he has any worries about getting married and use it as an excuse for a deep and meaningful conversation or alternatively, drop hints about when you'd like to get married. Perhaps tell him you found a dress you love that might be out of fashion by winter 2026.

16:32Graham Norton:Lucy, I hope this problem is a happy solution. And he just asks you and you have a lovely life together. Lucy sent her dilemma to wangingon at listen.co.uk. And you can too. If you'd like your dilemma featured in the podcast, just use that email address. We'll have another one up next.

16:54Maria McErlane:This episode of Wanging On is brought to you by Drambui.

16:57Graham Norton:Which means we get to answer a special bonus, Am I Weird, from our wangers. Who we got, Maria?

17:03Maria McErlane:Okay. Dear Graham and Maria, every December I have a mince pie leaderboard. I score different brands, shop bought, fancy bakery, homemade, etc. And my friends all think it's obsessive and a bit odd. I see it as a seasonal sport. Am I weird? That is from Alistair. Alistair, I think that's kind of sweet because it is a seasonal sport. If you did it every week with a different piece of confectionery, I would say possibly yes, weird. But as it is only, I mean, and you know, we get all of those things, which is the best mint pie, this supermarket. So you're doing your own. And I think it's kind of, if it gives you pleasure, it's not harming anyone, might make you a bit fat.

17:45Maria McErlane:But yeah, I don't think you're weird. What do you think?

17:48Graham Norton:I thought the weirdest bit of this was the fact that he's friends. That was the bit that shocked me. You know people and you still do this. No, but then as I was thinking about it, I think about the things that I would do, like Eurovision, I rank all the songs.

18:12Maria McErlane:Well, you have to because you work there.

18:14Graham Norton:I know, but even if I wasn't, I'd be doing that. Would you?

18:16Maria McErlane:Yes. Do you do things, underline things in the Radio Times and things like that to watch?

18:21Graham Norton:Back in the day, I would have.

18:22Maria McErlane:Oh, back in the day. What happened?

18:23Graham Norton:Christmas Radio Times, big Mark Pence. Okay. And then over to BBC Two for the snowman.

18:31Maria McErlane:And you have friends too.

18:33Graham Norton:Not many. No, but that's what I thought. I thought that we all have our thing. We all have the thing that we really enjoy and we look forward to and we get into, whether it's, you know, the Olympics or it's, you know, Wimbledon, whatever it is. So for Alistair, it's the quality of mince pies from major retailers.

18:54Maria McErlane:And also homemade.

18:55Graham Norton:Oh, yes, artisanal.

18:57Maria McErlane:I think a homemade mince pie is always going to win, especially when they put a little blob of green cheese, a little blob of cream cheese. Or cream cheese? Green cheese is optional. And I find also that by Christmas Day, I don't like the idea of having turkey. I want to have beans on toast. And watch the sound of music.

19:17Graham Norton:The first Christmas dinner you have is so delicious. And you normally have a kind of late November at some works do or something. Yeah, exactly. And then by the time it's actually Christmas dinner, you're like, oh, this again.

19:28Maria McErlane:Bleh.

19:28Graham Norton:Bleh. And then I would still say St. Stephen's Day, but Boxing Day. Then you're done. Done. I think he rips up his leaderboard. Or does he file away his leaderboard?

19:38Maria McErlane:I think he files it for next year.

19:39Graham Norton:I think you're absolutely right. He does. Lovely. There's a very big drawer in his house. Don't look in there. It's my Minn Spy leaderboards.

19:48Maria McErlane:And when Alistair dies, someone will open that drawer and find all of his leaderboards. And that will be your life and how you're remembered, Alistair.

19:57Graham Norton:And the V &A will buy it and keep it in a vault.

20:00Maria McErlane:Yes, a modern day take on how life was so difficult. So are we saying, Alistair, apart from having no friends, which was rude of Graham, frankly, is he weird or not? I'm saying not weird, Alistair. I'm saying, you know, keep a lid on it, but not weird.

20:16Graham Norton:Yes, I'm saying not weird as well. I think it's lovely you've got a hobby. And hey, why not pair your mince pies this December with Drambui?

20:25Maria McErlane:It's a perfect accompaniment for every party, especially the way it is prepared here. which is Drambui iced espresso.

20:33Graham Norton:What?

20:33Maria McErlane:Yes, I know!

20:35Graham Norton:Your birthday's coming. Is this a little preview of what we can expect?

20:38Maria McErlane:Yes. Great. I'm hoping Drambui will give me a large delivery for my birthday. I'll be spending it alone with just a crate.

20:47Graham Norton:I did wonder where my invitation was.

20:51Maria McErlane:Well, I would invite you, but you keep changing the music every time you come round. I can't stop. Shall we toast to another Am I Weird that's been settled, Graham? There you go. Here's to my 90th birthday.

21:02Graham Norton:Aw. Honestly, you look quite good. Drambui Ice Espresso, the unexpected crowd pleaser.

21:10Maria McErlane:Please enjoy and share Drambui responsibly. Visit drinkaware.co.uk for more information.

21:16Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by Meta, who are raising awareness of online scams ahead of the Christmas shopping period when we all need to be hyper aware of potential scams out there.

21:27Maria McErlane:You're absolutely right, Graeme. It is a minefield. Have you ever fallen for anything, any of these scams?

21:33Graham Norton:I mean, I suppose I bought some things that ended up being not what I thought they were going to be. But also, I get involved in the scams because they use my face. Yes, I know.

21:41Maria McErlane:I think I bought some Bitcoins from you. They never materialized.

21:45Graham Norton:And one, I mean, I feel bad that anyone would buy Bitcoin because I said, but also, you can't stop it. Because people complain or people say, do you know this is happening? And I'm going, yes, I do know it's happening.

21:58Maria McErlane:This might be a scam too. Oh no! How can we tell? Scamming on. Are you the real Graham Norton scamming on?

22:08Graham Norton:Oh, it'll take off. The thing is, it's so easy to be hoodwinked by these things. It's happened to all of us.

22:15Maria McErlane:Exactly, Graham. And I think it's important to say that there's really no need to be embarrassed because these things are incredibly common.

22:24Graham Norton:Yes, remember to always check any emails or web addresses for spelling errors or inconsistencies.

22:31Maria McErlane:And be wary of fake ads using celebs. Scammers often use celebrities to catch your eye, Graham.

22:38Graham Norton:Totally. And look, if things sound like they're too good to be true, then they probably are. So make sure you're staying alert while shopping for presents this Christmas.

22:49Maria McErlane:If in doubt, the most powerful way to protect yourself from online scams is by... blocking accounts and reporting suspicious activity.

22:58Graham Norton:Quite right, Maria. And make sure you have two-factor authentication turned on so that you're protected if you do happen to click on any dodgy links.

23:05Maria McErlane:Stay smart and shop safe this Christmas with Meta's online safety tools.

23:11Graham Norton:Maria, do you have the next dilemma? I do. I'm still feeling sorry for Lucy. Well, it's horrible to be just left in limbo like that.

23:18Maria McErlane:Yeah, you have to...

23:19Graham Norton:Staring at a big, naked finger.

23:22Maria McErlane:But also feeling so powerless. You have to take the bull by the horns in life.

23:25Graham Norton:But also, she's been so proactive. They got the ring, they got the priest, and now temperature, you know, someone's turned the thermostat down. I don't know.

23:34Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, it seems really rather silly to be sitting down and writing this out. Okay. But here goes. I've made it to my 60s without the first clue how to meet people and make new friends. It never really felt like a problem before, but a little over four years ago, my wife passed away and I've been alone ever since. I get out and about most days and have some basic human interaction, but I suppose, oh, this is making me sad. I suppose I just never realized how much my life revolved around my wife until she was gone. I don't have kids and the few relatives I do have live overseas. I'm not really looking for a romantic partner, just someone to chat to, really.

24:15Maria McErlane:It just all seems so daunting. Where on earth do I start? That's from Jack. Oh, God, I'm so touched by this, Jack, because there are so many Jacks out there. I mean, you know, I think men, much more than women, find it hard to restart their lives because women just, you know, wang on to each other and women are good at joining knitting circles and paint art classes and jewellery or whatever. And men, I think, get very stuck, especially if you've had a relationship where your wife has been the person who kind of... She's a social glue. Yeah, she ran the social life for you. You know, you say, what are we doing tonight?

24:57Maria McErlane:Oh, we've been invited over to Betty and George's or whatever. So there's no easy way around this, Jack. And you just have to look in the mirror, even though you're feeling awful. and four years is not a long time when you've been married for many years and make yourself do it. You've got to, you know, get to the library, join clubs, look online. No one is going to come and rescue you here and you may well have a good amount of years left, Jack.

25:26Graham Norton:Yes, I mean...

25:27Maria McErlane:That you don't want to be alone. No one's asking you to get romantically involved or, you know, find somebody else to spend your life with. It's just you need company. We're social creatures. We need to interact. And when you're not doing that, everything is crowding in on you and you're missing your wife even more. And I just want you to grab it by the balls.

25:49Graham Norton:Well, it's that terrible thing, is it? Things that are easy when you're young. Like when you're young, you just kind of, you know, you just like start walking along beside people and now we're friends and that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's effortless when you're young. And I think as you get older and you have to think about it, you have to kind of actively think, how am I going to do that? It seems suddenly like this impossible task. And I would say to Jack, it's not, but don't overthink it, I would say. I think you're doing the right thing. You're getting out every day. You're having some human interaction because I think that's really important.

26:24Graham Norton:It's important to do all those, you know, really silly things like just make a tiny bit of conversation with the person at the checkout, all that sort of stuff. Just do all of those things. And then I would say, look for things that you know you're going to enjoy, things that you already know you enjoy, like, I don't know, music or local history or gardening, you know, get an allotment. You know, there are activities you can do where if you don't meet anyone, it doesn't really matter because you've enjoyed the activity and you feel like you've used your time wisely and it's been productive, but there might be an added bonus of you bump into someone and you have a chat about whatever.

27:07Maria McErlane:It is that thing, I think, of trying to narrow down what you're interested in. What were you interested in with your wife? What did you do together? Did you go to the cinema? Did you go to the theatre? Even a thing like going to the theatre with someone, having a drink at the interval and then going home. You feel like you've had an interaction. You feel like you've done something. You've watched a play. your brain has been stimulated. It's one of those kind of situations where you've got to push yourself on this.

27:35Graham Norton:And also, who were you, Jack, before you met your wife? You know, what were your interests then? Who were your friends before you met your wife? I mean, and actually, it is one of those weird moments in your life, I think, when you're in your 60s that you can start looking backwards. You know, get on Facebook, check out people you used to know and kind of go, oh, well, I was thinking about school the other day and I just wondered what you're up to. Send people a message. They'll be happy to hear from you. Oh my God, it's Jack. Do you remember? We haven't seen him in 40 years. It turns out he's living in blah, blah, blah and he's got, you know, whatever.

28:11Graham Norton:And I think there are shortcuts that may not solve the problem because they're not long-term friendships, but they'll get you out and they'll, you know, you'll have plans. You'll have things to look forward to in your life. You won't just be looking at a big empty diary.

28:28Maria McErlane:Yeah, and I think what happens is you find certain things, you find certain people and you think, good, they're fine for now. And then you kind of can edit as you go on and you find people who are more your tribe. But I absolutely appreciate because I know people who are suffering this, they can do things during the day, they can shop, they can walk, they can, you know, meet someone for coffee. But then the evening can drag so horribly, which is why people like to do evening activities, go to the cinema, go to have a book club, do all the things that give you an evening event to look forward to.

29:01Graham Norton:Yes. And I think it's the shape of your life, Jack, because presumably when your wife was alive, you had weekends and you had this and you had that. And even if it was just the two of you, you might have planned a special meal or you might have done a thing. And it's all of those things that have vanished. And suddenly your life has no geography. It's a blank space staring ahead.

29:29Maria McErlane:Yeah. But the other thing I was going to say is if you like, if you and your wife like walking or sailing or whatever, go on a holiday. Be brave and go on one. There's lots and lots of single holidays now where you can get an activity that you enjoy. If it's a walking holiday or a cycling holiday or whatever, I don't know what your interests are. But then you're spending time with people, spending time going, oh, yes, that person is my tribe. That person isn't. You need to reinvent yourself, Jack, as a man without, sadly, your wife. Life is incredibly cruel.

30:00Graham Norton:I notice when I'm, you know, doing things on my phone, I see a lot of apps now for younger people that it's based around friendship and conversation and chatting rather than dating. They're not dating apps. And they're very clear about that. They say this is just friendship. And so I don't know if they're available for older people. I mean, like I say, Jack isn't that old. He's only in his 60s. but whether there are enough people online to make that a sustainable way to meet people I don't know

30:31Maria McErlane:there's only one way to find out Jack yes

30:33Graham Norton:hopefully the wangers can rally around Jack and give him some support shall we see if they do

30:38Maria McErlane:I hope they do Jack it's good that you wrote to us I think you've already done the hard bit Susie in Toowoomba in Queensland Toowoomba okay Toowoomba yeah you got it

30:53Graham Norton:I have a lager drink.

30:56Maria McErlane:I'm so sorry your wife is gone. It must have been a huge adjustment. Your bravery to ask for help is the best first step. Yeah. Here in Australia, we have things called a man shed, where retired gents get together to do all sorts of things, make things, fix things, chat and hang out together. Maybe see if there's something similar like that near you, a community group or similar where you can go regularly and get to know people, wishing you kind company and new friendships. Ah, Susie, that's very sweet. And yeah.

31:25Graham Norton:They do exist, men's heads.

31:27Maria McErlane:The men's heads? The men's head groups.

31:28Graham Norton:The other weird, and this is very left field. Yeah, go on. Church is quite a good thing. No, because I feel, recently when I've had to go to church for various things, it's not very religious anymore. There's hardly a mention of God. And there's a lot of add-on activities. There's lots of kind of committees and community things and da-da-da-da. And so, you know, if you can summon up a bit of, you know, not laughing at the, you know, the bells and whistles bits. It is a good, you know, literally, it's our congregation. It is people congregating. I think it is a really good way to meet people.

32:02Maria McErlane:I was going to say funerals as well. Just go to funerals.

32:06Graham Norton:Yes, just have a look at the listings. But he's only 60, Maria. I know.

32:11Maria McErlane:Gordon says, I totally recognize your situation because I found myself in a similar place some years ago when my marriage ended. I was totally heartbroken. I joined a gym and went to classes and started meeting a few people. It started with chats and then coffee and then a drink and other social things like the cinema and the theatre. Also a bit like dating apps. There are apps out there simply for meeting people. Get on Google and see what you can find. But above all, know that there are many people out there in a similar situation to you. Best of luck. Gordon, you're absolutely right.

32:46Graham Norton:And it's finding ways of those people finding each other.

32:51Maria McErlane:I know, because when people are stuck in that situation, like Jack, you feel very alone and you have no idea that there are lots of people around like you that need somehow to be connected. Donna says, I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. I'd say think about what you enjoy, books, walking, gardening, and look for groups or classes around that. You could check out your local church, community centre or college. It takes the pressure off. And you'll meet people who already share your interests. Wishing you all the best. I love our wangers. They're really nice.

33:23Graham Norton:Jo is in Australia. Oh, yeah. And through the World Wide Web are sent us a voicemail. Goodness.

33:29Maria McErlane:I'm not sure what your level of fitness is, but I'd start with trying something like pickleball. It's fun.

33:34Graham Norton:It's popular with people your age and would also be good for your mental health as it boosts the old endorphins. It's common for people to get together afterwards for coffee and a chat. If this is a bit too energetic, maybe try something like yoga.

33:46Maria McErlane:or contact your senior citizens for any events that they might run.

33:50Graham Norton:Pickleball is huge. Yeah. I've never played it myself.

33:53Maria McErlane:What's the difference between pickleball and padel?

33:56Graham Norton:I don't know.

33:57Maria McErlane:Is one more advanced?

33:58Graham Norton:Well, one is a pickle.

33:59Maria McErlane:It's not a pickle. I feel a pickleball, I don't know. I think one is easier. Okay. Because you have padel championships, which is like Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf. Oh, yeah.

34:12Graham Norton:That sounds quite hard then.

34:14Maria McErlane:Are padel champions, yeah. But, I mean, they're champions because they're a champion tennis player. But pickleball is the kind of soft thing, isn't it? Is it a bit like a Wilco thing?

34:22Graham Norton:Pickleball can't be hard because so many people do it. Right. It's like driving.

34:26Maria McErlane:I don't see Jack as a pickleballer myself. No. Giorgio in London says, Making friends is always a daunting experience. Your feeling nervous is completely valid. Please rest assured you have nothing to feel silly about. Often a nice place to start is somewhere like your local library. Libraries usually host events like book talks. that are A, low-key, and B, attended by a wide age range. Perhaps you could pop down to your local and see what they have on. Another space to explore could be walking groups. They also tend to be relaxed and attended by people of all backgrounds. Take it one step at a time.

35:00Maria McErlane:And however tempting, don't substitute human contact for social media conspiracy theories. Social media, full stop. Stick to real people and the real world. Sending love, you've got this. oh, Georgia, that is all so true. And you're right, don't substitute social media for contact. Absolutely. Looking at somebody, talking to somebody, laughing with somebody. That's very important.

35:24Graham Norton:And Jack, one thing's for sure, you have friends among the wangers. So consider yourself part of our gang. And thank you very much for reaching out to us. Okay, just time to wrap up proceedings with this week's Am I Weird. Maria has it.

35:37Maria McErlane:Yeah, today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Jackie from Hellingly, which she clarifies as not too far from Hastings.

35:44Graham Norton:Oh my goodness, you must know it. I've never heard of it. Oh really? No. It's probably too rough. It's probably a very rough area.

35:49Maria McErlane:No, it's not. Thank you, Jackie. Hi, Graham and Maria. When I eat a packet of sweets that are all different colours, I will take them and arrange them into colour order from the flavour I like least to the ones I like the best. I then eat them in that order, worst to best. To add another level to my potential weirdness, If I haven't had that type of sweet before, I will try one of each colour, decide which I like least to best, and then arrange them. I'd love to know if you think I'm weird, as my husband seems to think I am. He just shoves sweets into his mouth with no consideration. Um, well, yes, Jackie from Hellingley, uh, is a bit weird.

36:32Maria McErlane:It's kind of like you've got a lot of time on your hands.

36:34Graham Norton:Yes, and a huge capacity to eat sweets. Yeah. I mean, again, the shock is there's a husband involved. Because you kind of think if you're living with someone, they'll just be going, please just eat the sweets. Just eat them.

36:52Maria McErlane:Jackie, what do you mean the red ones go in that bit and the purple ones go there?

36:56Graham Norton:But again, it's one of those things. Look, if it gives you pleasure and slows down your sweet consumption, then...

37:02Maria McErlane:I'm with the husband shoveling them in. Yeah.

37:05Graham Norton:Except we do all have favorites. Like, I think if it's a box of chocolates, then you don't just go, I'll start at the right and work my way across. You go for the ones, oh, I like that one.

37:17Maria McErlane:Do you look at a box of chocolates menu anymore? I try.

37:21Graham Norton:I don't. I can never, I look at those little drawings and things on the cover. You go, what's that supposed to be?

37:28Maria McErlane:What's that? Is it that one?

37:30Graham Norton:No, it's not that one.

37:31Maria McErlane:That used to give me such joy, the menu. and now I just get a box across and go...

37:36Graham Norton:Remember the excitement of going on to the second level?

37:41Maria McErlane:Oh, yes. And then if someone had gone on to the second level before you...

37:45Graham Norton:Oh, Hercule Poirot would be called.

37:47Maria McErlane:Who's gone on to the second level? You're not meant to go to the second level until this level has gone.

37:52Graham Norton:Even all the horrible strawberry things. I don't even think there are two levels anymore. No.

37:57Maria McErlane:Life, Graham.

37:57Graham Norton:Oh, life, Maria.

37:59Maria McErlane:It makes me weary and tired.

38:02Graham Norton:You're not weird, whatever your name is, Jackie.

38:05Maria McErlane:What happened to the second layer of chocolates? Why didn't they bring it back? No, you're not weird. Just need to get more things to do, I think.

38:14Graham Norton:Yes, I think before you slip into a diabetic coma, find some other interests.

38:20Maria McErlane:Or maybe draw up a graph of your sweet preferences and keep it in a drawer. That's a nice idea. Yeah, for people to find when you're dead.

38:32Graham Norton:I'm sure we said that wasn't weird. So maybe we can't say that Jackie's weird.

38:36Maria McErlane:I know, I've changed my mind. As the day goes on, I've changed my mind.

38:39Graham Norton:Jackie's missive draws to a close. Another episode of Wanging On. Like two-tiered chocolates, we're over. Two-tiered chocolates. Two-tiered chocolates.

38:48Maria McErlane:If this is your first episode of Wanging On, you've watched or heard, welcome to the gang. Please subscribe or follow the show in your podcast app of choice.

38:57Graham Norton:Yes, or find us on YouTube. We're on there. and you can binge through every episode from the comfort of your sofa. There are many, trust me.

39:06Maria McErlane:There really are.

39:07Graham Norton:And don't forget, our Instagram handle is at wangingon and that's where you can find a link to proper experts and support services.

39:15Maria McErlane:Wanging On is a Lirson production and we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Goodbye. Bye.

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