Insufferable Snoring and Graham's Secret Filming. Plus: Sharing Ice Lollies with your Dog?!

5:35Graham Norton:I was in the Peak District.

5:36Maria McErlane:Is it anything to do with the Tart? What? Where you were.

5:41Graham Norton:Oh, Bakewell. There we are. Oh, I was in Bakewell. Okay, you weren't... More popular than I felt it needed to be. Ah. It was a lot of tourists there, and I thought, I'm sure there are prettier places than this. Not very pretty? No, it's pretty enough. Look, do you know what I mean? Can you get a tart if you want? Oh, can you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't move for Bakewell tarts. But it's one of those places, if you stumbled upon it, you'd go, oh, this is a pretty town. Chocolate boxy? Sort of. But, you know, I mean, look, the boots was Neo-Georgian. That'll give you a taste of what the town was like.

6:15Maria McErlane:I like the sound of that.

6:17Graham Norton:Yes. And when in doubt, put the word Chatsworth on something. Okay. They love putting the word Chatsworth on something. That sells. Chatsworth Farm Shop, Chatsworth anything.

6:25Maria McErlane:How long were you in this area of Chesterfield?

6:27Graham Norton:I was there nearly a month.

6:30Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. I'm just trying to get information about what you may have been doing.

6:34Graham Norton:Well, no, I was filming something. I was filming a show, yeah.

6:36Maria McErlane:But not for any time soon?

6:38Graham Norton:No. Oh, okay. No. I'll tell you all about it when I need to.

6:42Maria McErlane:Oh, okay. Yes. On a need-to-know basis. I'm holding back. Do you want to do some humming for me?

6:46Graham Norton:No, I don't. Should we get on? Should we get on? All right. I'll pause you there, Maria, because our first dilemma follows shortly. If you've ever blasted synth beats from your boombox or burn CDs for your besties, this one's for you. As people get older, much like their music tastes, their health needs change. AG1 is the simple daily health drink designed to deliver over 75 essential daily nutrients and pre - and probiotics to support energy, digestion, and mood. So you can make the most out of every decade and dance break. Learn more at drinkag1.com. Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now.

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7:59Graham Norton:Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

8:07Graham Norton:Maria, without further delay we shall go into a dilemma

8:11Maria McErlane:Yes, I have one here

8:12Graham Norton:Thank you

8:13Maria McErlane:In an envelope as per usual Here we are

8:17Graham Norton:I can't wait to hear it

8:19Maria McErlane:You need to get out more Dear Graham and Maria Yes My wife and I recently had a child My wife has always had a bit of a snoring problem but has always refused to address or even admit it. With our baby now sleeping in our room at night, my wife's snoring is inadvertently waking him up when he's sound asleep. It's incredibly frustrating. It's really starting to take a toll on our routines, and I can't work out how to solve it without it becoming an argument, particularly as both of us are so sleep-deprived. What should I do? And that is from Damien in Chesterfield. Is it really?

9:01Graham Norton:Oh, that would be so exciting if it was. I would ask Damien where he lived. I would go, oh, I think I was there. Is it near the Greggs?

9:11Maria McErlane:Anyway, that's from Damien in Chesterfield. And I'm thinking that is a tough one, Damien. You know, presumably your wife snored quite a lot before she had a baby. I don't think pregnancy increased the snoring. Maybe it does, who knows. But I'm thinking the way you get round this is you say, look, while Name of Baby is very, very young, why don't you... Just point and go that. All this thing that, why do we do that?

9:38Graham Norton:Well, that thing that came out of you is in the room.

9:41Maria McErlane:Why don't you do one night, and I don't want you to have to take it all, get some bottles, I mean, you know, get her to express.

9:49Graham Norton:I'm currently... I'm so glad this is a viz pod.

9:51Maria McErlane:I'm demonstrating expressing milk from my left bosom. I mean, get some milk. And then you stay alternate nights in the bedroom and the other one sleeps in the spare room, assuming you have a spare room.

10:06Graham Norton:But also, I don't understand why the baby is added to this problem. If it's so loud it's waking a baby up, you know, presumably it was waking him up anyway.

10:15Maria McErlane:I think the baby is incidental. I think this is the snoring problem that we're talking about. It's just added to their sleep deprivation. and they've got a baby and the snoring, which was already driving him mad, now with the baby waking up and they're sleeping right. So do one night each in the bed with the baby. Yes. Feed, feed, feed from mummy. Feed, feed, feed from daddy in the bottle. And then you get to sleep one night in two where you don't have the snore.

10:43Graham Norton:But I wonder how long they've been married, you know, because this has clearly been an issue for some time.

10:48Maria McErlane:That's what I'm thinking. She doesn't acknowledge it. The baby is incidental.

10:50Graham Norton:The things people say you do is, you know, you're supposed to tape the person, record the person snoring. And what does that do, though? Annoy them? Well, then you've got to go, this is how god-awful it is. And then they can go, all right, I can't hear that. I'm asleep. You know, why would you care?

11:07Maria McErlane:I've had a friend who did that. And when they showed them the tape, played them the tape, they went, that's not me. Wow. That's denialism. That's not me. You just found somebody snoring on the internet and recorded it. That's not me. What do you do when someone says that?

11:23Graham Norton:But the other thing I think is there are all these, you know, there are operations you can do. The tapes. I don't think any of them really work.

11:30Maria McErlane:CPAP machine. I think it's called that. They talk about it a lot in America.

11:34Graham Norton:But that makes a lot of noise.

11:35Maria McErlane:That makes its own noise. But you have to then think that that's a ship's engine as you go to sleep. Would you rather have the snore or a CPAP going?

11:43Graham Norton:Or a taxi driver humming.

11:46Maria McErlane:I'm going to get a CD of someone humming and give it to you for your birthday. We're not helping.

11:53Graham Norton:But I feel the thing is there's kind of no way around this because I don't think there are any real cures for... Because people I know have had the procedure.

12:07Maria McErlane:Oh, the operation.

12:08Graham Norton:And it comes back.

12:10Maria McErlane:Oh, that's terrible.

12:11Graham Norton:It's like, you know, hair replacement. It's only temporary.

12:15Maria McErlane:I think really the only way around this, and for a happy marriage, and I think regardless of the snoring, says me, who's happily married, not, is to have separate bedrooms. And then you get together for cheeky time whenever you need to, and then you go, that was lovely. Night-night, darling. And you go off to your own bedroom. No snoring. What?

12:38Graham Norton:As she expressed some milk.

12:42Maria McErlane:I mean, the baby's only going to be young for a little while. The baby is incidental. It's just the snoring has been driving him mad forever. He's so needing sleep at the moment. The snoring is really not helping. The baby is not helping.

12:54Graham Norton:So presumably, when the baby wakes up, that does wake her up. So her own snoring isn't waking her up, but the baby is. So actually, I would say, Damien, this is almost good because at least she is not sleeping because of her snoring in the way that you have not been sleeping because of her snoring.

13:12Maria McErlane:So we've got two people not sleeping, whereas my suggestion is to go in the spare room or in the living room, go sofa bed or whatever if you don't have a spare room, and you do alternate nights. So somebody is getting some sleep at some point. Yes.

13:25Graham Norton:That is sensible. I just wonder how long do you do that for? Is that the rest of your life?

13:31Maria McErlane:If you're sensible. I think separate rooms and separate bathrooms is the way forward.

13:37Graham Norton:Is it very sexist of me to think that it's worse for a woman to be doing loud snoring?

13:43Maria McErlane:What do you mean is it worse? Why? Because somehow a man, you kind of expect a big smelly man to be snoring.

13:49Graham Norton:Wow. Whereas there's something kind of on ladylike about a woman kind of snoring away. Okay. Sawing away.

13:55Maria McErlane:Are you also saying that she shouldn't fart in her sleep as well? Absolutely not.

13:59Graham Norton:Not the lovely lady.

14:01Maria McErlane:That's not very sexy for a lady. Another baby might come out.

14:06Maria McErlane:Yeah. Oh, look at that one. So he looks just like his brother.

14:16Maria McErlane:So what is your suggestion for them, for Damien?

14:21Graham Norton:I think you have to just live with this. You have to think this isn't a problem because it is your reality. And everything I can think of is actually just a temporary fix. Right. So actually, you are with someone who is a very bad snorer and… And very unladylike. Very unladylike. But you love them, Damien. You love them. Well, it can make you hate someone, that snoring. Well, except they've always snored. It's not like they've developed this bad habit. And as you say, the only thing that's making this worse slightly is that it's now waking a baby up, which wakes everybody up.

14:56Maria McErlane:Yeah.

14:57Graham Norton:But that's going to go away. I think ultimately Damien needs to get to some sort of zen place in his life where the snoring does not bother me

15:06Maria McErlane:you can get those bands can't you with things in your ear where you can listen to podcasts wanging on I hear it's very good and then you can listen to us instead of the snoring which would be equally as annoying

15:18Graham Norton:but certainly put you to sleep but actually that's not a bad idea but right now I suppose he can't do that because he's supposed to be listening out for the baby

15:26Maria McErlane:yeah

15:27Graham Norton:because that would be good to have noise-canceling headphones or something.

15:30Maria McErlane:I do think that separate rooms for now is the way forward.

15:35Graham Norton:Let's see what the wangers think. By the way, there's some new names for wangers.

15:38Maria McErlane:Oh, yes.

15:39Graham Norton:There's wangers on. Did we have that one before? Probably. And then someone's suggesting the wang gang. Good. I quite like the wang gang.

15:46Maria McErlane:Wang gang.

15:47Graham Norton:The wang gang.

15:48Maria McErlane:Yeah.

15:48Graham Norton:Wangers is easy to say.

15:49Maria McErlane:It's kind of the difficult one if you say wrong, though, isn't it? Wang gang.

15:52Graham Norton:Very wrong. Very wrong. These are people who've had early eyes on the problems. Because they emailed wangingon at listen.co.uk.

16:01Maria McErlane:Yes, which is how you get in touch with us, with your problems or with your answers.

16:05Graham Norton:Exactly.

16:05Maria McErlane:And you get, if you join the Wang Gang...

16:07Graham Norton:See, you love it. I do love it. It's catching on.

16:10Maria McErlane:I do love it. If you join the Wang Gang, you get to see all the problems earlier. So you can give your...

16:16Graham Norton:Like what these people did, don't do.

16:17Maria McErlane:Like what these people did. Morgan says, you may have done this already, but record your...

16:24Graham Norton:See?

16:25Maria McErlane:Yeah. See? Say it's waking the baby. that it's ridiculous and you both need your sleep. There's no embarrassment. Sorry. Either that or have someone else tell her. Oh, my goodness. Don't let her pride and ego make these newborn stages any harder. I love that it's all her fault. She just pushed a baby out of her.

16:44Graham Norton:And now she's pushing noise out of her.

16:47Maria McErlane:David says.

16:48Graham Norton:They wanted the baby. No one asked for the noise.

16:52Maria McErlane:David says, my wife and I have been together for 25 years. But do you want a prize? Yeah, they do. Oh, this is really... We both purr with the power of 10 ,000 kittens. See, think of it like that, Damien. We love each other dearly. Oh, this is making me vomit. And so it may continue that way. We do not share a bed. Ha-ha. Now you're coming around to us. Now, David, I'm liking you. This has been one of the cornerstones of our happy relationship, and we have raised four boys. So take it in turns to sleep in the spare room. Simple. Quite right, David. Thank you very much.

17:27Graham Norton:It's not really a spare room anymore. Hey, guess what? Your room. Guess what? We have a voice note. Yes, we do. It's from Adam. Oh, yeah. Take it away, Adam. The fact your wife is getting any sleep at all is a win, so don't be the person to mess that up. That would be my advice. But one thing you could do is to get one of those sleep tracking apps, and then the snoring is shown as a graph that you can use as a conversation starter. Now, that's a modern piece of advice. A sleep tracking app.

17:56Maria McErlane:Do you know that wife who's so exhausted with that baby that's sucking the life out of her on a daily basis when he says to her, what about if we get a sleep tracking app? She is going to go, Oshka Flip.

18:09Graham Norton:But I think, I don't think that's a bad idea because you can't go, that's not me.

18:14Maria McErlane:But a sleep tracking app, that's not solving anything. That's just going, you snore between the hours of 2am and 6am.

18:21Graham Norton:And now look at my sleep tracking app. I don't sleep between the hours of 2am and 4am.

18:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's good though, thank you. Shall I see what some of the Wang Gang else have said? Put that into a sentence. Craig. I'll try. Craig says, why don't you just play those calm, soothing meditation sounds you can get on YouTube? Isn't it weird how this has become a theme of today's episode? Yeah. Yeah. An hour before you all go to bed. I find that helps me relax and drift off into a nice peaceful sleep.

18:52Graham Norton:Yeah, but then someone's sawing wood in a minute. Sawing wood.

18:55Maria McErlane:Oh, snoring. I mean, and then you're waiting for the next one, aren't you? And then they stop and you think, are they dead? I hope so.

19:06Graham Norton:Have they stopped breathing or they haven't?

19:08Maria McErlane:Sue says. But isn't it weird?

19:10Graham Norton:If a dog does it, adorable.

19:15Maria McErlane:It's true. Well, if a dog licks something up from the table, adorable. If I do it, not so good.

19:20Graham Norton:Yeah, suddenly people make a fuss. I know. Don't lick yourself there, Maria.

19:24Maria McErlane:They say you can't come to the Buckingham Palace garden party ever again. Sue says...

19:31Graham Norton:Now you did that in a rose garden.

19:34Maria McErlane:Sue says, my approach with my three babies was that you shouldn't be tiptoeing around the place when they're sleeping. Babies need to get used to noise. His mummy is always going to snore. Do nothing. He'll adapt.

19:48Graham Norton:Oh, I love Sue. No, that's really good advice. Babies need to get used to noise.

19:53Maria McErlane:But we are really concerned about Damien.

19:55Graham Norton:No, make them sleep by a motorway or something. No, it's on the motorway. Yeah, pop them in a basket with one of those Kirby grips and come back in the morning. A Kirby grip on a baby. What are you talking about? Suddenly, Damien's wife snoring won't seem so bad. The juggernaut going by.

20:15Maria McErlane:It's very difficult. I really do think that the two-bed thing is going to work for Damien.

20:21Graham Norton:Well, Damien, we hope you get a better night's sleep soon. Thanks for writing in. And dilemma number two follows shortly. This episode is brought to you by EDF, Britain's biggest generator of zero carbon electricity. Now, have you gone electric yet, Maria?

20:36Maria McErlane:Gone what now?

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20:59Maria McErlane:Zero upfront cost sounds very good to me, Graham.

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22:46Graham Norton:Wayfair, every style, every home. Maria, we can wait no longer. I demand we hear dilemma number two. Here it is, yes.

22:55Maria McErlane:Dear Raymond, Maria, recently during a row, my boyfriend told me that my best friend is being cheated on. It was so random. He doesn't know my best friend's boyfriend personally. so when he said it, I was immediately sceptical. He reiterated that he knows 100 % that he's cheating but can't tell me who with, how he knows or any details as it will get him into big trouble. Bit late for that, mate. I have pushed and pushed but he won't give me any more information. My friend's boyfriend is a pretty nice guy. I don't know him that well but it seems unlikely he'd cheat. They're currently expecting their third child together and I don't want to stress out my friend with information that I'm not even sure is true.

23:40Maria McErlane:But at the same time, I feel like I'm keeping a big secret from her, which I hate. I'm not sure what I should do. And that is from Megan.

23:48Graham Norton:That was all fun and games till we discovered they're expecting their third child together. It was like, ooh, ooh, ooh. And then it's like, ooh. Listen, Megan, all that needs to happen is you do not say anything. No, I think... Because you don't know anything. No. You don't know anything. and you are, I mean, clearly, you're going to really upset this woman.

24:07Maria McErlane:Also, I am sceptical too, Megan, because when you say you were having a big row with your boyfriend and then he decided to tell you that your best friend's husband, partner is cheating, that's like he snipped at you. He sort of stabbed you slightly with something because he was cross with you and it's nothing really, you know.

24:26Graham Norton:Because what was his point? Was that, oh, your best friend's an idiot?

24:29Maria McErlane:I don't know. He's cheating on her, you know. I mean, when he's cross and furious, and then won't say any more because it'll get him into big trouble. He's already in big trouble. You know, how does he know who it is that she's cheating with and so on? You know, I am kind of, the wife is expecting a third child. She's got two already. You know, men are very sort of base creatures. And if there's not much going on for him at home.

24:57Graham Norton:I would say the kind of villain of this piece isn't the best friend's partner. It's Megan's boyfriend. Yeah. He does not come out of this well. Butt out, baby. And also, oh, I can't tell you I'd get a big job. Oh, shut up. You know, either tell me or don't.

25:12Maria McErlane:Yeah. You started this by saying, oh, by the way, in the middle of a row, your friend's partner is cheating on her. So, nah. What do you hope to gain from that? I think you both have to just keep quiet. When the third baby arrives, you coo and cluck over it.

25:28Graham Norton:But also, what sort of trust issues does Meghan's boyfriend have that he won't tell her the source of this? Yeah. Because, what, you think Meghan's going to go blabbing? Mind you, she might. Yeah, no, she would.

25:41Maria McErlane:I mean, she feels already bad that she's not telling the partner, but there's nothing to tell your best friend, not partner. There's nothing to tell her. This is just supposition from him. He won't give you any more details. He may well be even making it up. Let's say he's making it up and then you don't have to worry about it.

25:57Graham Norton:Yeah, it's a weird one to make up.

26:00Maria McErlane:It's like he's trying to hurt you, but you're right. There's some trust issues going on with him. He's the villain of the piece. You're absolutely right. Shall we get him killed?

26:10Graham Norton:No, just hurt. Very badly hurt.

26:13Maria McErlane:Rough him up a bit. Yeah, I know people. You know I know people.

26:16Graham Norton:I know. You live in the coast. It's so rough down there.

26:22Maria McErlane:Do you know what the Crays used to do? Oh, yes. Yes. But on the coast. They used to, because where I live in Hastings, not far from... I have a feeling this might get cut out, but do keep going. Yeah, no, but anyway, not far from London. I'm not going to libel anyone. The Crays are dead anyway.

26:40Maria McErlane:The villains, shall we call them the villains, in London of a Saturday night. This is pre-kind of any forensic stuff.

26:47Graham Norton:Or streaming things, Netflix or anything. They had to find their own fun.

26:51Maria McErlane:Well, to get someone whacked, you know, in the East End or the East End of London, get someone whacked, pop them in the boot of the car, drive down to Hastings, the coast. Of course. Drop a ton,£100, which is a lot of money in them days, to the fisherman, to the captain of the boat, pop him on board, take the mount over the side into the channel. Wow. Yeah. Wow. When did you stop doing that? Well, I had to start charging more and they started getting funny about it. But an old fisherman told me that story once in... And then when I said, oh, you know, I have worked as a journalist, and he suddenly clammed up.

27:31Maria McErlane:Oh, wow. And he said, don't say I said that. Don't you ever say I said that. And I'm not saying it. Okay. Thank you, Chalky, for that information.

27:43Graham Norton:And because, no, there's no such thing as kind of crimes being done. Did you see that man in his 90s got done with the murder? Because you really would think, I've got away with that.

27:53Maria McErlane:Yeah.

27:53Graham Norton:At 90. Yeah, you'd just be watching Countdown thinking, well, never catch me now.

27:58Maria McErlane:I mean, forensics and being able to trace DNA ruined everything. Absolutely. It ruined it.

28:05Graham Norton:Oh, technology is just really spoiled crime.

28:07Maria McErlane:But can you imagine having something in the boot of your car with blood everywhere or whatever? Jack the Hat McVitie, he's dead too, don't worry. I interviewed him once.

28:15Graham Norton:Did you? Yeah. Lovely man.

28:19Maria McErlane:You know, nobody need to worry the body on the boat. Nobody need to worry blood, sources, whatever. Over the side, no one will ever find him. No. Swimming with the fishes in it.

28:29Graham Norton:Yes, of course. I've just been to the butchers. Gov.

28:34Maria McErlane:And then obviously someone else catches him and reels him in. Is the channel that, it must be that deep. When they go out fishing, yes. I mean, we're talking on the way to France. Do you see what I'm doing there?

28:46Graham Norton:There's a whale. You go over a hill. There's a whale.

28:48Maria McErlane:You go over a little hill and you're in France.

28:51Graham Norton:Do you remember we were talking to Megan a while ago? Oh, sounds familiar. Now, Megan has a problem because her boyfriend has made accusations. I just think, Megan, you need to really think about this boyfriend because this is not good behavior. I think forget about your friend and her partner and their children. They're living their own life. They've got their own dramas. But I think closer to home, Megan, you need to figure out this boyfriend's behavior. Because it's a weird thing to use ammunition in any row. And now that he's said it, either kind of go, I made it up or back it up. But don't leave Megan hanging and say, I don't trust you to tell you the thing I've already told you.

29:39Graham Norton:It's just, ooh.

29:40Maria McErlane:Yeah, I mean, I was just going to ask you to role play how you do that. how you ask your boyfriend that. But what I'm thinking now is that maybe Megan has held up her best friend and the partner as kind of, you know, an ideal relationship.

29:55Graham Norton:Yes.

29:56Maria McErlane:And so what he's trying to do is burst the bubble there.

29:59Graham Norton:He's certainly done that.

30:00Maria McErlane:Yeah, he really has. So it could be in anger. The very fact that he did it in the middle of a row in anger makes me think there's something more going on. But I don't know how she broaches that.

30:10Graham Norton:Maybe he's the one having the affair with me.

30:12Maria McErlane:No, I did think that, but no. No. No. Having an affair with a boyfriend? Yes.

30:18Graham Norton:And then you go, I can't tell you how I know.

30:25Maria McErlane:And then Megan will go, I've known for ages you're gay. I don't mind. No, it stops me having to help you out. Shall we find out what the wang is going to say? Yes, let's do that. I'll pop my glasses on for that very reason. Lizzie says, give your boyfriend, this is to Megan, obviously give your boyfriend an ultimatum.

30:44Graham Norton:I loved a Christmas gift.

30:45Maria McErlane:If he doesn't tell you everything, say you'll get your best friend round and he'll have to tell her. This is a terrible bit of advice, Lizzie. I like the ultimatum. Well, yeah, but she's just about to have a baby. She'll come round and go, oh.

31:01Maria McErlane:Heaving herself through the door. I can't sleep, I'm snoring so much. I know that's the other problem. No, that's terrible advice, but thank you, Lizzie. John says, Why don't you try the same tactic as your boyfriend? Tell your friend you think she's being cheated on, but that you can't give any more details as you're protecting your source. Oh, wangers, you've lost it. Then leave her to confront her partner. She's nearly having a baby, for goodness sake. She doesn't want that. Phil says, friend or not, this is not your business. Well done, Phil.

31:33Graham Norton:Wangers are back on form.

31:34Maria McErlane:Keep your nose out of it. Pretend your boyfriend didn't mention it. Perfect. Thank you, Phil. End of. Alice says, this is a terrible way for your boyfriend to behave. Assuming the argument has been settled, sit him down when you're both in a decent mood, hard to tell, and calmly explain to him what a difficult position he's put you in. If he doesn't understand that, then the two of you have problems of your own. What?

31:59Graham Norton:We said that.

32:00Maria McErlane:Yeah, we did. We did. There's no win situation here, is there? No.

32:04Graham Norton:And also particularly because Megan doesn't know anything. She just knows what this stupid boyfriend said in the middle of a fight. In anger. Yeah, the end of. Megan, it's very tricky, but whatever you decide to do, good luck. Remember, if you have a dilemma for us, do get in touch. The address is wangingon at listen.co.uk. Time now for this week's Am I Weird? To finish off, what have you got?

32:26Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I share ice lollies with my dog? One lick for me, one for him. One for me, one for him, etc. We stick to opposite sides.

32:38Graham Norton:I like they've explained that. Et cetera. Et cetera.

32:41Maria McErlane:Oh, I see. Et cetera until when? Oh, until the lolly is gone.

32:47Graham Norton:Until we're French kissing. Which is what I wanted to do all along. Have you seen Lady and the Tramp?

32:58Maria McErlane:I like this one. We stick to opposite sides of the calipo or whatever it is. That's a version of Ice Lolly. so I really don't think it's a big deal plus he loves it that is from Jilly I would just say Jilly why don't you get him his own lolly yeah really

33:13Graham Norton:I'd certainly never do this in public yeah I mean because they're doing one side one side

33:19Maria McErlane:no it's still not hygienic

33:21Graham Norton:and also I don't think a dog is going oh I mustn't get round to her side like a dog's got a big tongue and then you know Jilly's going like no dogs can't understand

33:34Maria McErlane:It's kind of foreplay, Jilly, which is a bit weird. So I would just say, do it in the comfort and privacy of your own home, perhaps.

33:43Graham Norton:But I'm with Maria. You can get lovely meaty lollipops that dogs really like. Meaty lollipops. Have you not seen those? They're really good.

33:51Maria McErlane:You don't have a dog anymore, so don't tell me you've got some.

33:54Graham Norton:Well, we do have some in the freezer.

33:55Maria McErlane:Oh, sweet.

33:56Graham Norton:Yeah, you never know. Someone might pop around. Hello. Want to share a lolly? No, on a hot day, it's a lovely thing to give a dog. I give mine ice cubes. Oh, yeah.

34:09Maria McErlane:Quite good.

34:10Graham Norton:With a little bit of gravy in them.

34:11Maria McErlane:Vodka.

34:12Graham Norton:Oh, of course, yes. Gravy. As nature intended.

34:17Maria McErlane:It's kind of, it's a bit weird, but it's a privately weird thing, Jilly. But I would just splash out and buy one each.

34:24Graham Norton:Yeah, yes. I think, are we saying yes? I think it is weird to be sharing the same, Because it's not like you're starting to eat a loaf of bread from either end. You know, it's quite a thin thing.

34:36Maria McErlane:It's an intimate thing.

34:38Graham Norton:Yeah.

34:38Maria McErlane:And the lolly is willy-shaped. And we don't like that.

34:41Graham Norton:And we don't know how big the dog is. If it's a tiny, tiny dog, then maybe it's possible for the dog to only lick one side.

34:48Maria McErlane:Because if it is a big dog, it's just going to go...

34:52Graham Norton:Yes, you're not sharing it, Jilly. You're just getting the last little bit that's left. I'm going weird. I don't like calling people weird, but I'm going to call Jilly weird.

35:04Maria McErlane:I don't think I want to call you weird, Jilly. I want to call you...

35:07Graham Norton:Lonely?

35:07Maria McErlane:Yeah.

35:12Maria McErlane:I like Frankie Boyle's conversation about people who have dogs, of which there are thousands and thousands now, which he says people who have dogs, they can't even form a relationship with a human being. Oh. That's harsh, isn't it? It is harsh. But I think about that myself all the time.

35:26Graham Norton:Yeah, but I think your relationship with the dog is probably better, isn't it?

35:34Graham Norton:Yes, I don't know. And there ends another edition of Graham and Maria wanging on.

35:39Maria McErlane:Hooray!

35:39Graham Norton:Problem solved.

35:41Maria McErlane:Have I got things to say? Yes, you do. You do. Glasses on.

35:44Graham Norton:Oh, no. Glasses on. Actually, you've got loads to say.

35:47Maria McErlane:Oh, for God's sake.

35:48Graham Norton:You've got a whole paragraph.

35:51Maria McErlane:Now, we must stress, we must stress that we're not experts and we never will be. But for proper help and advice, go to the correct channels. You can start with the links on our Instagram page, and that is at wangingon.

36:06Graham Norton:More. There's more for you to say.

36:08Maria McErlane:And wangingon with Graham and Maria is a listen production.

36:13Graham Norton:Dear God, we got there in the end. We'll see you next week. Goodbye.

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