Is This the Weirdest Family Habit We’ve Ever Heard?

5:01Maria McErlane:No, but what about when you have to park and put your registration in to avoid those? Can't do it. Can't do it. Can't do it, yeah. Or won't do it, Graham.

5:08Graham Norton:Well, both. Can't and won't.

5:11Maria McErlane:And where will you be for the summer? Where are you summering?

5:15Graham Norton:Well, I summery. I'll probably do you know as always bit of summer in Ireland I think because it's you know dog heaven and it's lovely and and this this year yes there's well we had a hot tub but it was one of those inflatable hot tubs

5:34Maria McErlane:oh yeah

5:35Graham Norton:which is the job but now we've invested in like a proper one

5:41Maria McErlane:swinger

5:43Graham Norton:and I've planted some pampas grass right by the gate.

5:48Maria McErlane:Very good. What happened to the inflatable one?

5:52Graham Norton:Well, it's got a big hole in it.

5:54Maria McErlane:Did it let itself down?

5:55Graham Norton:It really did let itself down. And the school. Everybody. So, yeah, it is no more. But you know what? We got a few years out of it. We got about five years out of it.

6:04Maria McErlane:And you're quite a hot tub fanatic.

6:06Graham Norton:No, fanatic's a big word for it. Okay. But sometimes what's nice is, you know, because although you talk about this very warm summer that's on the way, often I find the summer's not so warm. So it's nice if it's fine to stay out. You can stay out and keep warm.

6:24Maria McErlane:But if it's a hot tub, then, you know, you can be quite cold outside and get in the hot tub, glass of wine, whatever you do.

6:31Graham Norton:What's your favorite thing? You can be like one of those monkeys. One of those monkeys, you know, the pictures of the monkeys who get in the hot springs. Yes. And there's frost in their hair. And they're going... That's me, that is. You've painted a lovely picture. Have you and your husband in a hot tub with your next door neighbour peering over the fence?

6:52Maria McErlane:Hello, I couldn't have a notice. Are you having visitors? I heard the bubbles.

6:59Graham Norton:Oh, do you know what I love? A plastic glass of wine that floats on top of the water. That's living.

7:05Maria McErlane:What have you done with Graham Norton? That's living, that is. What have you done with Graham Norton?

7:09Graham Norton:Well, no, because you can't bring glass into the hot tub. That way madness lies.

7:12Maria McErlane:No, I know. It's an accident waiting to happen. I know, I'll have to drain the whole thing. What do you have to put in to keep it hygienic? Chemicals. Okay.

7:22Graham Norton:Are we leaving it at that? Yes. Would you like to get on? Shall we? We'll move on to our first dilemma of the day. Spring is here and the shopping list is long. Time to make a Lowe's run. Buy three bags, get three free of Stay Green one cubic foot garden soil. Plus, right now members can earn four times the points on an eligible purchase. Start spring off strong with these deals and more. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 325. While supplies last. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. See lowes.com slash terms for details. Subject to change.

7:57Graham Norton:Point boosters subject to exclusions and more terms apply. One time only offer. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time. New friends. Gary the snake. And your last name? The snake. Dream team. New habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus rated PG. And right now you can get Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer ends March 24th. After three months, plan auto-renews at$12.99 a month.

8:30Graham Norton:Terms apply. Shortly.

8:35Graham Norton:Maria, I hear wanging on as quite the social media presence.

8:38Maria McErlane:That we do, Graham. On our Instagram page, at wangingon, we post all manner of clips and dilemmas. But what about Facebook? We're there too, Graham. Give us a follow. But, Maria, if I'm down with a youth and I'm on TikTok... We are there too, Graham. Again, it's wangingon, and we're on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, whatever your social media platform of choice.

9:04Graham Norton:There really is no escaping us.

9:08Graham Norton:Maria, please do us all a favour and rip open an envelope.

9:11Maria McErlane:I will. You know, I don't rip them because I like to recycle. Thank you. Okay. Dear Graham and Maria, I am a 68-year-old retired grandma and I live with my 25-year-old grandson. He works full-time and we share the expenses of our flat. No problems in that regard. Great. The problem is his room. Oh my God. And she has used punctuation after each word. Good honour. Since we moved in two years ago, he has never cleaned it. I keep up with the rest of the flat and do most of the cooking, which is really no more than I would be doing if I lived alone. However, it's not my job to clean his space, nor does he ever ask me to.

9:53Maria McErlane:The problem is that it's really filthy and smelly. He comes downstairs to eat meals, but does eat snacks in his room and never tidies the wrappers, etc. Plus, the room is literally carpeted with dirty clothes. I feel like there is some underlying pathology here, and I have talked to him about it, but nothing happens. His personal hygiene is fine, and he has a good job and a social life. He just lives in a pig pen. Any insight is welcome, and that is from Grandma Linda in Colorado. Well, Grandma Linda, this is 25-year-olds, I think. Problem is, this is a flat. This is not like a house where somebody can disappear and keep the smelly door closed.

10:39Maria McErlane:In a flat, it's like you can't really get away from that. So I think he's been quite selfish, Grandma Linda, in Colorado. And I think you have to be a little bit more dogmatic about making him do something about it. Because you do all the cooking. I think there's a deal to be done here. I will continue to cook. I hope you don't do his washing, Grandma Linda, but I will continue to cook you meals, but you have to give me something back. And that something is to stop your room being stinky and smelly. So that's one way. Or Grandma Linda could say, I'm going to have to get a cleaner just for your room and you are going to have to pay for it because you clearly, we've talked about it before, you're not doing it yourself and I can't live in this fashion.

11:29Maria McErlane:Problem is, I think Grandma Linda is a bit frightened of him, doesn't want to alienate him. That's what I'm feeling from this. What do you...

11:35Graham Norton:It's tricky, isn't it? Because, you know, you say you feel there's an underlying pathology here. But I think the underlying pathology is 25. He doesn't, you know, because that is how you live. You know, I need to find my clothes. Why, there they are. How handy. Right where I left them. You know, it's much easier to get into bed. I just got out of. All that sort of stuff. Now, the thing, that should make a difference here, Grandma Linda, is if God is good and he meets someone. If there was something resembling a partner, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, something, I think that would buck his IDs up.

12:16Maria McErlane:But Grandma Linda has to wait for that moment.

12:19Graham Norton:Well, I think the thing is, Grandma Linda, you could just go, look, it's gotten too far now because, you know, there's crumbs in there. I've started finding bugs. Even if you haven't, just say you have. and I think the two of you together, I know we were just laughing about this idea of spring cleaning, but do a kind of like, right, we are going to tackle your room. Why has she got to help? Because it just starts the ball rolling. Oh, yeah. Because if she keeps nagging him, he'll just go, you know, screw you, granny, and either move out or double down.

12:51Maria McErlane:Screw you, granny.

12:52Graham Norton:Yeah, screw you, granny. They live in Colorado.

12:55Maria McErlane:I know, I noticed the American accent.

12:56Graham Norton:That's the sort of thing they say.

12:57Maria McErlane:I was very impressed.

12:59Graham Norton:Granny Linda. Yeah.

13:01Maria McErlane:Hey, bro. Clean your room, bro. I'm Granny Linda now. Oh, right. She's down with the kids. I'm not making you grits and pie.

13:09Graham Norton:Unless you clean your room, bro. Do you think they live in Boulder, Colorado?

13:13Maria McErlane:I hope so. Boulder is very nice.

13:15Graham Norton:I went to Boulder once. Did you? Yeah. Because it's where Mork and Mindy was set. You are so camp. Are you gay? I didn't find the house. Aw. No. Loved Mork and Mindy. I loved it, too. I feel like we've drifted away from them. I know. You see, any opportunity to get back to us. Yeah. No, here's the thing. I think if you help him do a big screwing clean, help him and get it back to the way. Because I think he'll like it. I think he'll like the satisfaction of kind of, oh, you know, all the clothes are off. They're folded away. I've hoovered the carpet. We've got rid of all the kind of bits of old crisp packets and, you know, things.

13:55Graham Norton:I think he'll be like, oh, actually, this is nicer. You know, Granny Linda wasn't as stupid as I thought.

14:00Maria McErlane:I know, but she has got a bargaining tool because she's making him food. That's quite a good one, frankly. I'm making you food. You know, this is yours.

14:07Graham Norton:But then you'll just bring takeaway and eat it in the bed and it'll be even worse.

14:11Maria McErlane:I do quite like your idea of bugs, introducing bugs into this.

14:15Graham Norton:Well, don't actually bring in bugs. No, no, no.

14:17Maria McErlane:But pretend bugs. She could say, I have found.

14:20Graham Norton:We have an infestation. We have an infestation. And I believe I know where it began.

14:24Maria McErlane:Yeah.

14:25Graham Norton:And it's not my room.

14:26Maria McErlane:That McDonald's wrapper.

14:27Graham Norton:Yeah, any ideas, grandson?

14:30Maria McErlane:But also the idea that she should get a cleaner in and he should pay for it. That's not a bad idea.

14:35Graham Norton:That's not a bad idea. Well, he won't pay for it. So then they'll have a run. You know, because look, the thing is, Grandma Linda in Colorado, you are doing remarkably well. There must be a lot of people listening to this, maybe, who are thinking, wow, I wish I had your problem. Because they might be living with a young person, be it a grandchild or a son or daughter, and thinking, that sounds fine by me. I would kill for nothing but a dirty bedroom. So don't punish him for this, because you just want better for him. You just want him to live his life in a slightly better way.

15:14Maria McErlane:But also, we don't know, you know, somebody talks about, she talks about the pathology. We don't know what the situation was. She's bringing up her grandson. So there's a generation missing here. We don't know what that is. So I feel that Granny Linda is possibly making kind of exceptions for him. When it was only two years. When needed.

15:30Graham Norton:So he was 23 when he moved in.

15:31Maria McErlane:Yeah.

15:32Graham Norton:So, you know, he was a proper grown-up adult when he moved in.

15:35Maria McErlane:Yeah. Shall we see what the wangers... Yes, I'm interested to see what the wangers want to do. I think they're going to be quite tough.

15:40Graham Norton:I think they are. I think they're going to suggest industrial cleaners or kicking him out.

15:47Maria McErlane:Teracea. I don't know if that's how you pronounce it. T-E-R.

15:50Graham Norton:If you believe that, that's great. I-C-E-R.

15:52Maria McErlane:Or it could be Teracea.

15:54Graham Norton:Teracea, probably. Teracea. I just call them Terry. I know them a little better than you. And I just call them Terry.

16:01Maria McErlane:Where does Terry live then? Tulsa, Oklahoma. You've read that? Yeah. Okay.

16:07Graham Norton:I can read.

16:08Maria McErlane:Well, anyway, they say, as long as it doesn't spill out into the rest of the house, it's not a house, it's a flat. Let it just be his mess. Apartment.

16:16Graham Norton:It's a boulder, Colorado.

16:16Maria McErlane:Yeah, and it's two floors, so it's like a duplex.

16:19Graham Norton:There's an alien who lives upstairs.

16:22Maria McErlane:It's not Mork and Mindy. She doesn't live in the Mork and Mindy. house. Shut up. Just keep the door closed. One day he will grow out of it or not. If he ever brings a date around, he'll have to clear the garbage. It took my children a while to understand the concept of tidying up. If all else is going well, try not to stress too much. Thank you.

16:43Graham Norton:Do you know what part of it is, I think, is that thing of moving out of your house. So there's a sense of independence. So all the stuff you couldn't do when you were living at home. Now he gets to do. And part of that is never picking anything up.

16:57Maria McErlane:Yeah, but he's got somebody else he's sharing the place with. And if you were sharing with contemporaries, they would be kind of on your case as well. Not if it's your room.

17:06Graham Norton:I told you about the lady I shared with the budgie. Yes, you did. I mean, that was cause for concern. But her room, I didn't care what went on in there. It was just the budgie. Well, because we had to all sit in that room with a really aggressive of budgie.

17:21Maria McErlane:For those people that don't know about the budgie, see episode 23 or whatever.

17:26Graham Norton:Google it. It made all the papers.

17:32Maria McErlane:Kristen in Mexico City says, since the grand...

17:35Graham Norton:What's happened to this podcast?

17:40Graham Norton:Have we been bought by some international conglomerate? I think these are all bots. Don't you? They're all bots. Mexico City, how are you?

17:53Maria McErlane:Since the grandson is otherwise functioning well, this sounds less like a deep issue and more like different standards of cleanliness. If possible, I'd suggest hiring a cleaner for his room once a week or every two weeks with him paying for it. It solves the smell, keeps the peace and avoids turning into a constant argument. Sometimes it's better to manage the mess than try to change the person. Well, that much is true.

18:15Graham Norton:Yes, and this will be who this guy is for a while yet. And then eventually, you know, because maybe there are old people who live like this. I think so. Who just live in mess.

18:27Maria McErlane:No, I think there are lots of people who do live in mess. But you're right, it does make you feel better if you don't live in mess. Do we have a voice note?

18:34Graham Norton:Yes, we do. It's from Sithambile in South Africa. Oh. The international favour continues.

18:39Maria McErlane:This is a clean your room and move out scenario. you are elderly and now more than ever making sure that the spaces you occupy are clean and hygienic. This must be a priority for you. So he needs another sit down and the ultimatum given to him.

18:58Graham Norton:Sit down and ultimatum.

18:59Maria McErlane:Yeah. I'm not sure I think it's got to that point at the moment. She's only actually mentioned it to him once. And also, like I say, this isn't the worst problem in the world.

19:09Graham Norton:It's a bugbear for Linda. She wishes his room was tidy. But, you know, he's a good kid. He's holding down a job. He's got a social life. He helps around the house. And he's paying his way. You know, so tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Yes, if you open that door, it takes your breath away. But don't open that door. That's the other thing. I think Linda's been looking in that room a bit too much.

19:33Maria McErlane:Keep the door shut. Well, it's bugging her. I mean, I have got a child who does a similar thing and my hands are itching to get in there and fold things. I know, you mustn't do it. You mustn't do it. You mustn't do it. Okay, Ellis says, if talking hasn't resolved the situation, then the grandma needs to go to the fishmongers. Buy the stinkiest fish possible, cut it up and hide chunks around the room. The stench will be so bad and he won't know where it's coming from, so he'll be forced to give the room a deep clean. But sadly, Linda has to share the space.

20:04Graham Norton:Yes, I feel like you've made the problem worse, Alice. Not better.

20:08Maria McErlane:You've introduced more smells.

20:10Graham Norton:It's the opposite of help. It's hinder.

20:13Maria McErlane:What about this? Big John on the Gold Coast. Does no one live in the UK anymore? No, no.

20:19Graham Norton:While we've been in this room, have they shut the country? Yeah.

20:23Maria McErlane:Pretty much, yes. Send help. Big John on the Gold Coast says, she could negotiate an agreement that she will be happy to keep cooking for him if he agrees to tidy his room daily.

20:34Graham Norton:Are you Big John on the old coast?

20:35Maria McErlane:I am.

20:40Maria McErlane:Wash his smelly clothes regularly. The lads love having meals cooked for them or it would be fun to get an army basic training sergeant, now you've gone too far, Big John, army basic training sergeant in early every morning to yell at him until he agrees to her terms. Wake up, slacker, get out of bed now, you lazy maggot. If this room's not tidy in five minutes, It's, you'll give me 50 push-ups, bro.

21:04Graham Norton:Big John writes fiction, I believe. He's working on a novel.

21:09Maria McErlane:Well, Big John certainly knows where the capital button is on his typewriter.

21:14Graham Norton:Cap's lock is firmly engaged. Grandma Linda, we wish you all the very best in your pigsty. Thank you so much for writing in. And we hope you've received some inspiration in the midst of all of that.

21:28Maria McErlane:That's one I'd like to follow up on, actually.

21:30Graham Norton:Yes, and also... With photographs. If I come to Boulder, Colorado, will you show me the Walker Mindy house, please? Let it go, Graham. Let it go. We're about to jump with gay abandon into another dilemma up next. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast? Smart move. Being financially savvy? Smart move. Another smart move? Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto. bundling just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there prices are based on rating plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state lifelock how can i help the irs said i filed my return but i haven't one in four tax-paying americans has paid the price of identity fraud what do i do my refund though i'm freaking out Don't worry, I can fix this.

22:25Graham Norton:LifeLock fixes identity theft guaranteed and gets your money back with up to$3 million in coverage. I'm so relieved. No problem. I'll be with you every step of the way. One in four was a fraud-paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40 % your first year. Visit LifeLock.com slash podcast. Terms apply. Maria?

22:45Maria McErlane:Yeah?

22:45Graham Norton:Is there a second letter at all?

22:47Maria McErlane:From Boulder, Colorado.

22:48Graham Norton:No, it can't be from Boulder, Colorado. Unless it is.

22:51Maria McErlane:Wouldn't that be funny? No.

22:54Graham Norton:From the grandson. My one bugbear is she is. Is she smells.

23:03Maria McErlane:She's very nice. She cooks me the net, but ooh, does she honk. Dear Graham and Maria, I need your help to stop my retired English husband from digging his heels into Philippine soil. We met 10 years ago in Vietnam while I was on a solo trek. He has spent 20 years living across Asia for work. I spent those same 20 years climbing the corporate ladder at a bank in Manila. We're travelling around, aren't we? We survived a long-distance marriage for a decade. Now we're both retiring. He wants to stay in the Philippines permanently. He says he's done with the UK. Here is the snag. I spent my youth dreaming of living abroad like a proper explorer.

23:45Maria McErlane:I worked hard. I saved. Now I want my turn to be the expat. but he refuses to move back to England. How do I convince a man who has seen the whole world to pack his suitcase one last time? Or is there a middle ground where he gets his tropical sun and I get my foreign adventure? I'm a retired bank executive. I can manage employees, but I cannot manage my husband. Help me before I stage a boardroom coup in our living room. Warmly, your Filipino listener, Cheska. Cheska, this is a really tough one, I think, because, you know, you've done this. It kind of strikes me that why haven't they spoken about this before?

24:26Graham Norton:Well, because I think what's interesting here is they've spent a decade with a kind of long-distance relationship and they were both busy, they were in different places, and now, literally, he's come home to roost. Yeah.

24:40Maria McErlane:And they made that work, the 10 years. Yes. So I'm suggesting if it worked then, Yeah, keep going. Repeat that. The other alternative, Jessica, is to do what a lot of people do. I mean, funds, I don't know what the funds will be like, but spend summer in the Philippines or, you know, come back here for the summer, come back to the UK for summer and do adventures around the UK. I mean, most people are getting out of the UK, frankly. Well, all our listeners have. New Mexico, the Gold Coast, Colorado. Philippines. And now the Philippines. Yeah, I mean, there's a way around this, and you're not teenagers anymore that have to be in each other's pockets.

25:19Maria McErlane:You have survived 10 years. It feels like you want to kind of settle into retirement with somebody by your side.

25:26Graham Norton:But I think this is a common problem, I think, when people retire having been busy, and then suddenly, oh, I'm forced to spend all day every day with the person I've been married to for some time. And that's a lot. because actually you've both had your own space. You've both had your own lives, but you've had this nice connection of the last 10 years where you met each other later in life when you were doing this stuff. And I feel like Jessica, in a way, she, well, they both actually had a vision of what it was going to be like when they retired. Sadly, they don't share that vision. And it's a shame this didn't come up 10 years ago.

26:13Maria McErlane:That's what I mean. They haven't actually spoken about this and now it's suddenly upon them. So I do think do the long distance because then you both have things to bring to the party. What kills, I think, when people retire is that they spend 24 hours a day. Nobody has anything new to say because you've known each other and been married for so long. And you do things together. Therefore, you see those couples sitting in restaurants not saying anything.

26:38Graham Norton:I mean, I think the other thing, Jessica, I'm unclear whether you have spent time in the UK before. I feel like she hasn't. I feel like this will be a new thing. And so that's a big decision. You may not like it as much as you think you're going to. Trust us, we live here.

26:58Maria McErlane:It's changed quite a lot, Jessica.

27:00Graham Norton:This is entertainment here.

27:06Graham Norton:you sure you sure you want to move here no but i think you know hire a house for a couple of months yeah you know have an extended holiday here that's what i'm saying travel around here

27:18Maria McErlane:get him to travel around here because probably he doesn't know very much about the lake district or scotland or ireland you know it's a big old place yeah but it's quite empty as well yeah but yes it

27:28Graham Norton:It is now. But I think it's going to be, the weather will be a shock to Cheska. The cost of living is going to be a shock to Cheska. You know. What are we doing here, Graham? I know, really. Why are we still here? These are the questions. I'm moving in. Should we write to each other?

27:45Maria McErlane:I'm voting for getting rid of the grandson and moving in with Granny Linda.

27:50Graham Norton:He's a stripy top and suspenders.

27:52Maria McErlane:Granny Linda?

27:54Graham Norton:What have we got for breakfast, Granny Linda? So, Jessica, I think be careful what you wish for. Don't put everything on this because I think it may not be the dream retirement you think it's going to be. I think she has a vision of, you know, going to the bakers in a lovely little Cotswold village.

28:11Maria McErlane:Yeah, with a little basket.

28:11Graham Norton:And actually, that's Clarkson's farm and there's a huge queue.

28:14Maria McErlane:There is a lovely little Cotswold village but it would take 25 million to buy a shack there.

28:19Graham Norton:Yeah, exactly.

28:20Maria McErlane:Also, I get a feeling with both Linda and her husband they're not giving and taking very much. Shall we see what the listeners say? Shall we? Yeah. Wangers. Helen says, quite frankly, has she spent any time in the UK in the winter? Bonkers. I really feel like this may solve her problem. Yeah, yeah. Ben says, I imagine lots of my fellow wangers are wondering why you'd ever want to move to the UK. But I get that it's your time to do what your husband spent his life doing. If money isn't really an issue, what about first having a holiday, exploring parts of the UK that are new to both of you. Maybe you'll find the dream village to retire to.

29:01Graham Norton:Maybe they will. No, they won't.

29:04Maria McErlane:Bit word, maybe. Sheila says, It seems to me that you and your husband are as bad as each other. Surely you've had conversations about retirement after 20 years together. Frankly, I don't blame your husband for wanting to swerve the UK, but there must be compromise somewhere. How about England for the summer months and the Philippines for the rest of the year? Kind of think we said that. Yes.

29:26Graham Norton:Can I just say, I feel like we are giving the UK a very bad rap here. Like, I like living here. You know, I've chosen here. I left Ireland and this is where I've made my life. And yeah, so it's not that bad.

29:39Maria McErlane:I know, but I'm quite liking the wangers. We're seeing where the wangers are coming from. I know, really. Linda, and in brackets, and Lily the T.

29:46Graham Norton:I'll be sent packing in a minute. You will. Yeah, you go back to where you're from.

29:50Maria McErlane:The UK's version of ice will be after you. Linda and Lily, the teacup poodle, says, Dear boardroom coup, you've already survived a long-distance relationship, so I think the answer is fairly obvious. Why don't you spend six months in England and six months in the Philippines? See, this is all good advice. What a very wise teacup poodle that is. Yes, exactly. Sally says, perhaps there is some middle ground. Could you persuade your husband to spend some time in the UK, say five years, to satisfy your desire to be an expat. Then after five years of cold and rain and high living expenses, you might like to go back east.

30:24Maria McErlane:Is there still alive?

30:26Graham Norton:Yeah, well, here's the thing. I do think that's what you need to be thinking about. Because, you know, I sometimes see people and they retire to some cottage in the middle of nowhere in Ireland. And then suddenly, well, you know, there's no hospital for miles around here. There aren't any deliveries. I think you actually need to plan for who you're going to be not who you are right now.

30:52Maria McErlane:No one likes to think ahead to illness and destruction.

30:56Graham Norton:But, you know, where will you have the better health care? Where will you have the better quality of life as you get older? That's the thing you need to talk about.

31:05Maria McErlane:Can you pay for a defibrillator somewhere?

31:07Graham Norton:In my house?

31:08Maria McErlane:No, I thought you paid for something in the village.

31:10Graham Norton:There's defibrillators on the head. On the road, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:14Maria McErlane:Did you get that?

31:15Graham Norton:I think I did. I gave some money.

31:17Maria McErlane:I think you did, and then it got vandalized.

31:19Graham Norton:No, just used.

31:23Maria McErlane:Same thing. Yeah. You can only use them once. Can you? No!

31:28Graham Norton:I don't know. I love that. No, I know nothing about them. So anyway, I just think, find out where your best end of life is going to be. But that's what retirement is. It is. It's the third act. I know. Oh, the curtain will be down in a minute.

31:45Maria McErlane:But I think people always feel, in the same way as not making a will, you feel if I talk about the end of life, then it will, you know, it'll happen. The Grim Reaper is the end of my bed, waiting with his scythe and his skelety head to take me away. Is it skelety head? We can say skelety head.

32:03Graham Norton:I don't know what it means.

32:04Maria McErlane:That's where I'm moving to.

32:07Graham Norton:A small cottage on skelety head. Lovely. they're nice

32:14Maria McErlane:where I'll spend my final days the third act as Graham calls it

32:17Graham Norton:yes by the way thanks to all the Brits for those glowing reviews of the UK if you have anything positive to say about living here in this country do leave a comment below the video on YouTube or Spotify perhaps Jessica's husband could be persuaded if he scrolls down I'd like to think that he could be and thanks Jessica for emailing the show just time for a final Am I Weird which of course was sent in using our email address which is wangingon at listen.co.uk and that's the email address you use if you want to submit a dilemma or if you're a wanger giving advice. Right, what's our Am I Weird to this week?

32:56Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird is from Tony.

32:58Graham Norton:Oh yes.

33:00Maria McErlane:Hi Graham and Maria. I love wanging on with you in the car on the way to work. I've been pondering a lot about your Am I Weird segment and was looking for your opinion. When I was younger, my siblings and I used to love crisps. We used to get our mum to chew the crisps and feed them to us.

33:22Maria McErlane:No, but do move back. We used to get our mum to chew the crisps and feed them to us like a bird would do to its hatchlings. And not any old crisps. It had to be tato, cheese and onion. I knew this was from Ireland. I knew this was from Ireland Sometimes I wonder would I enjoy it now as much as I did as a kid Does this make me weird? If not, should I pursue asking someone close to me to feed me some tatoes? Best wishes and take care Tony, this is not my real name No shit, Tony

34:01Maria McErlane:Do you think he's just yanking our chain here?

34:03Graham Norton:No, he's telling the truth Is this an Irish custom? No, no, no but I can imagine I mean how the mother agreed to this I don't know but she did and she did it and the little kids liked it going tato tato tato tato

34:20Maria McErlane:it would be potatoes as well wouldn't it from Ireland basically potatoes and spit that's what you're getting here

34:26Graham Norton:no finer meal sure it binds it together yeah a little bit of parsley

34:33Maria McErlane:I'm gonna say weird weird family weird mum weird crisps

34:38Graham Norton:they were kids potato crisps are really good no they are good oh I love it on Aer Lingus they go would you have a potato do they see that and I was like yes I would and crisps are so weird aren't they because if you have one little packet of crisps they're delicious and then if you have two and then you have another one because they were so delicious you know sorry I had that now I feel a bit sick so I think Tony

35:01Maria McErlane:the inner workings of Graham's mind

35:03Graham Norton:no I think Tony the question What he's asking is, would he enjoy it as much now as he did then? No, you would not.

35:10Maria McErlane:Probably more.

35:11Graham Norton:Would he enjoy it more?

35:13Maria McErlane:Well, I think this is sort of a fetish-y thing, isn't it?

35:16Graham Norton:Oh, do you think he's going to get off on it?

35:17Maria McErlane:To have masticated food from somebody else's mouth that he's suggesting, I don't know, a neighbour? Maybe your boss at work? Is he going to get a professional person in to do it? Yeah. I do that as a sideline. I chew people's food as a sideline, then I spit it into a plastic bag and I send it to them.

35:37Graham Norton:You're so good.

35:38Maria McErlane:And some socks as well.

35:40Graham Norton:You're so thoughtful.

35:41Maria McErlane:In the same packet. Socks and chewed food. It's a specialist subject, but I am on top of it. Tony, if you can get someone to do this,

35:49Graham Norton:I suggest you try it.

35:51Maria McErlane:No!

35:52Graham Norton:Because we can't answer the question if he enjoyed as much now as he did then. He loved it then. I think if you can get someone to agree to chew a tato and spit it into your mouth, knock yourself out.

36:03Maria McErlane:I feel like this is something from The Word in the 1990s, you know, where they used to get somebody to vomit and then drink it or something.

36:11Graham Norton:Yeah, they used to get people to kiss grannies with no teeth in and stuff.

36:14Maria McErlane:It's really not nice. Tony, that's not your real name. I just think you should let this go and never speak of it again.

36:21Graham Norton:Is the mother still alive, I wonder? I mean, the mother will deny all knowledge of this. If he brings it up at Christmas, she'll go, no, that never happened. That's a lie.

36:31Maria McErlane:No, she's right to do that.

36:33Graham Norton:Yeah, no, she's right. Do you know, I think Tato Land shut down.

36:36Maria McErlane:No. Yeah. Why?

36:38Graham Norton:I don't know. Mr. Potato couldn't hack it anymore. I don't know.

36:42Maria McErlane:Tato Land. That was a big kind of draw, wasn't it? It was like Lego Land, but for potatoes. So Irish. I'm sorry. Lego Land, but for potatoes. You can't stack potatoes, Graham. It doesn't work. And with a toothpick. Oh, did they have television in the old days for you?

37:05Graham Norton:Yes, it was a live stream of Tato Land.

37:09Maria McErlane:I would pay to watch that.

37:11Graham Norton:Maria, I think we've wanged on enough this week.

37:13Maria McErlane:I agree, I agree. Now, repeat after me. We are not experts. We are not experts. Thank you. If you need genuine help, please seek it out from the proper channels. There's more on our Instagram at wangingon.

37:27Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production and we'll see you again next week. Goodbye.

37:32Maria McErlane:Bye. Ooh.

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