It's Eurovision Week!! Graham's thoughts on Vienna, Australia and his Favourite Eurovision Moments

18:23Maria McErlane:As Graham says, they're not very nice. I don't know why you're friends with these people. They sound absolutely idiotic. Have the wangers been in touch about this problem? I don't know, Graham. I'm going to hazard a guess. Yes. Come on, wangers. Okay. Carol is in Minneapolis. Fully for her. And she says, this is strange behaviour for adults, pushing alcohol on someone underage. I suspect this couple have their own problems with alcohol and want to normalise it by pushing the behaviour on others, perhaps subconsciously. Not really subconsciously, is it? Kudos to your son for being honest with you.

19:01Maria McErlane:That shows you have a good relationship. Ask your son what would make him most comfortable. Choosing to avoid being alone with the other parent without you present. Speaking up for himself when they offer him alcohol. or you talking to the parents about it directly. Carol in Minneapolis. Good. It is good. Yeah. I wonder, though, you hinted at it earlier. Oh, yeah. I wonder if the son is being entirely honest. Well, there is that. I mean, young boys lie. Or is he just necking pints the minute they're not there and then going home and going, it's awful. They made me drink my eighth pint. Oh, it was awful.

19:35It was really terrible. Yeah, I wonder if he's stirring the pot a little.

19:39Maria McErlane:I love your impression of this boy. It was awful. It was really terrible. Oh my God, it was a whole pint, the whole thing. With a straw. I had to do the whole thing with a straw. And then I had to drink the worm in the tequila.

19:53Maria McErlane:Rachel says, I brought my kids up in a household where we rarely drink, but with two grandfathers who are alcoholics. You don't talk to the parents, you arm your son, because he's going to meet people like this his entire life. Help him prepare his responses beforehand. say, oh, you know what I really want is a Coke. And don't explain. If they keep insisting, he can ask, are you OK? Do you need me to drink? That always shuts people up. Always bear in mind that your son may secretly like drinking but feels guilty about it and doesn't want to upset you. Rachel has read between every line in this letter.

20:30Maria McErlane:She has been listening to you. Hence, I agree with her. Guess what? Someone called Andrew lives in Amsterdam and they've got a voice. Oh my God. These guys sound like great parents. They've properly identified alcohol as a challenging issue, especially for young people. It is indisputably the gateway towards the drug use. And they've managed to create an environment where its use and abuse is neither demonised, which can be a real attraction to young people, nor casually accepted, which is pretty much one of the major societal problems we have in the UK. And the evidence for this is that their son communicates with them as he does.

21:03These guys need to stick with their parenting approach, which seems to be working well. But if they're asking their son to grow a pair, that means they too have to grow a pair. Take their friends aside, tell them it's not up for discussion. This is how they choose to parent, and their wishes need to be respected even where disagreed with. Goodness, I thought there was a Radio 4 phone-in. That was very serious, wasn't it?

21:24Maria McErlane:I couldn't really take that. Societal problems. We didn't think that would come up today. It was very good, though, Andrew. But I kept thinking that it was the Gypsy King, Tyson Fury, talking. He sounded a little bit like Tyson Fury. I imagine he mans a canal boat. On the Amsterdam canals. He's just barging up and down. Societal problems, I tell you. You know, I had the back of my barge yesterday. Very good. Sean has sent in something from Bangkok. Oh, my goodness.

21:56Maria McErlane:Sean says, I've rewritten this a few times, trying to explain away the friend's parents' actions or play devil's advocate, but this just sounds weird and wrong. A huge red flag. The most important thing here is that the parents of your son's friends are disregarding his own and your wishes. For whatever reason they may have, they don't sound like safe people for your son to be around. My only suggestion would be to break all contact with the parents. His friend can come to yours, but not unsupervised. And as for the parents being upset or you causing drama, which matters more? Your son's well-being or upsetting someone who ignores and judges you negatively already.

22:39Ooh. I think Sean's escalated that problem quite a lot.

22:43Maria McErlane:I know. I think he could, maybe he shouldn't have rewritten it several times. Because he's wound himself into a ball of fury. He really has. Frustrated parent, thank you so much for sharing that dilemma with us. We had an enormous response from the Wangers. and just so you know, nobody thinks you're overreacting and no one thinks you're kind of building a drama out of nothing. The other thing you should all know is myself and Maria, and this will come as a shock, are not experts. But if you go to the bio on our Instagram, you can find a link there to proper support services. We're going to have another dilemma in but a moment.

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23:56Maria McErlane:and see if you feel a difference. With billions of probiotics and 20 years of scientific expertise, Activia is one of the easiest and tastiest ways to start your gut health ritual. Try Activia today. Enjoying Activia twice a day for two weeks as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle may help reduce the frequency of minor digestive discomfort, which includes gas, bloating, rumbling, and abdominal discomfort. Maria, I hear wanging on as quite the social media presence. That we do, Graham. on our Instagram page, at wangingon. We post all manner of clips and dilemmas. But what about Facebook?

24:31We're there too, Graham. Give us a follow. But, Maria, if I'm down with a youth and I'm on TikTok...

24:38Maria McErlane:We are there too, Graham. Again, it's wangingon, and we're on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, whatever your social media platform of choice. There really is no escaping us.

24:52Maria, do you have another letter to open?

24:54Maria McErlane:Dear Graham, Maria and all the wangers, I live in a very nice housing estate. We are, that's it. Thank you for sharing your dilemma. Thank you. Dear Graham, Maria and all the wangers, I live in a very nice housing estate where mostly everyone gets along. A number of years ago, the neighbours in the house behind ours rather aggressively asked us not to plant any tall foliage along our back wall, as they were afraid it could block some of their light. While we would have loved to accommodate them, we were seeking additional privacy. And so planting some foliage helped us by blocking the direct view we had from our kitchen window into their bedrooms.

25:42Maria McErlane:Since then, in what I am certain is an act of revenge, they have grown invasive ivy up their back wall that is starting to encroach into our garden. I've been okay with cutting it back for a while, but now it's getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure, though not 100 % positive, that we can cut the stems that have invaded our garden and dab them in a type of weed killer that will soak back to the root and kill the whole plant. I know I'm not within my rights to poison the pesky plant so it mysteriously dies off, but can I do it anyway? From Anonymous. My goodness, people are dying in the world, Graham.

26:19I just feel like there is another podcast somewhere where the people on the other side of this back wall have written in to talk about Anonymous. Like, this is rare, I think, but Anonymous is the problem. Do you think it's rare? No, no, I think the problem, it's rare for us to get a letter from someone who is the problem.

26:38Maria McErlane:Hey, it's me. Yeah. And the problem, it's me. Even though we have to pay Taylor Swift. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Like, they were perfectly reasonable. You know, she says, or I don't know why I said she, my big man, rather aggressively asked us not to plant anything. Don't you dare plant anything. Yeah. Block our light. We don't want a dark bedroom. No. Well, anyway, now they have dark bedrooms. Yeah. Because they did plant something. Well, also, you can plant something up to your fence height. I mean, if it's like one of those Leylandis that then goes, you know, up to 19 feet, then obviously. But you can plant something on your fence height.

27:16Yeah, but that won't help with their privacy. Like they've done, they've obviously, what they've planted has obviously gone beyond the fence. Right. Now. Well, you're assuming. The ivy. Yeah. Anonymous just cut it more regularly.

27:28Maria McErlane:Just cut it. No, you only have to cut ivy twice a year. I have ivy in my neighbour's garden and when it comes into my garden, I snip it off. Yeah, and there you go. And then I've killed them. Yeah. And also you... And then I did it twice. I was really annoyed. I was exhausted. I thought, oh, I've got these shears now. I'll just go round. Eat, eat, eat. He needed a haircut. But also you can't, I don't think, you know, Ivy is quite good at staying alive and you can't just poison it like that. But even if you can... No, don't poison it. Don't. It's illegal. You can't poison people's things. No. And just, I just really, I really feel like, you know, You made the first move here.

28:09Maria McErlane:By planting something on your back wall. By planting these tall plants for privacy, making their bedrooms very dark. They did some ivy. That's all they did. Which comes over your fence. And you can cut it. So do so. Twice a year, you claim. Yeah. And I would also try and make friends with your neighbours. You know, it's just so tiring. I know, but it's too late now. Well, is it though? Yes. Yes, it's too late. This has escalated. I kind of want to know what they've planted on their wall that is... Do you? I really don't. Well, for this moment in time, obviously in three seconds I will have forgotten all about it.

28:48Who?

28:49Maria McErlane:What did you say? You planted what? Back wall? What? I do think that your problem is not a problem and you have made it worse. I think you are the problem. I mean, that's harsh, I know. Yeah. But you did the... You know, I don't know if it's a bad thing. You wanted privacy. You got your privacy. They lost their light. They did some ivy. That is not a really aggressive thing to do. Yeah. They just wanted to soften their back wall. Yeah. And now it's coming over a bit. I like a soft back wall, don't you? Do you? That's what you look for? I just think, you know. Something you can get your fingers between.

29:26And also she says that. They say, you know, it's getting out of hand now. like how long is it like painting the fourth bridge or something by the time I've cut that end of the ivy I've got to start again I'm out there all the time it's like playing a video game you know invasive ivy I just you just cut it twice twice a year I think that's all you need I like that we keep saying twice a year like we know what we're talking about but you sound like you do I do know

29:52Maria McErlane:because I've got some and you know I cut it in the summer and then I'll have a little look and then I'll cut it in the winter yeah depending on what I've got on Graham And the worst, I mean, look, the worst thing that could happen is because, you know, certain sort of ivies can't get into the... Nooky crannies. And they can destroy the wall. Bad for your wall. Yeah. And then the ball falls down and then you're going to fight about that. Yeah. There you go. I think maybe step back, Anonymous, and just think to yourself, do I really want to take this on or are there other hills that I wish to die on?

30:24And also whatever. I mean, to go to the actual question they asked, no. You can't poison. You should not poison the ivy. That shouldn't even have crossed your mind.

30:35Maria McErlane:Poison the neighbours, maybe. I'm joking. I mean, the thing is, it is a very nice housing estate. I think I should have just left it at that, really, shouldn't I? That's when I lost interest, certainly. Have the wangers bothered to get Dutch? I'm really not confident they will have. You better bet that they have. Oh, great. Here we go. Been there, done that in Kildare. Oh, great. Ireland says... Home of the Ivy. This is juicy. They hate you now, exclamation mark. Ivy doesn't grow that fast. You would only have to cut it back at the top of the fence twice a year. Thank you, Been There Done That.

31:12If I hear that once.

31:15Maria McErlane:They don't need to be consulted. There may be more than a few battles ahead with these neighbours. Don't spend the energy now. I am wondering, is there more to the story, though? Maybe a disliking from a different issue. You see, been there, done that, probably got to the nub of this. I think so. If not the root of the ivy. Well, there is certainly tension between these people. I mean, instant tension. Lisa, now she's in America and she's interested in this problem. Wow. I hate to say it, but I think you first block their light and now want to kill their ivy plant. I think you need to be a good neighbor and buy them a rose bush and say that, Yes, sorry, you blocked their light.

31:56Maria McErlane:And certainly don't kill their ivy plant. I like Lisa. She's bringing a rosebush around. I mean, they will spit in your face, but there you go. Yeah, but I think, you know, we must start to try and, you know, entente cordial. Build bridges. Build bridges. They block light too. Dylan in Raines Park says, if you want to maintain the moral high ground, then you must not escalate the situation by poisoning the plant. It's that simple. Send the neighbors a message telling them that you're going to prune anything that's on your side, as is your right, and that you'll return the trimmings to them. Really?

32:30Maria McErlane:Take that as a mild passive-aggressive win. No, don't return trimmings. Also, remind them that ivy can damage walls and if it does any damage, they will be liable for it. If that doesn't work, build a garden shed that is just under the planning limit. I mean, people, what's going on here? Your solution to the problem is to build a shed. Is to create another problem. I don't understand. Oh, why did this person write in?

32:59Maria McErlane:Rachel in Ride says, why do these neighbours' problems always escalate? Communication skills are so very important and neither neighbour appears to have them. The initial request was aggressive, apparently, but the neighbour with this query doesn't appear to have explained about their need for privacy and wish to block out direct views into the other's home. As for killing off the ivy, it is against the law to kill off plants on neighbouring properties. Plus, ivy would need to be cut down to the stump before weed killer was applied for it to work. All you can do is keep cutting it back from where it impinges onto your property.

33:35Maria McErlane:These are your neighbours, not your enemies. I can't imagine this is an act of revenge. Maybe get out more and focus more on important things of life. Thank you, Rachel Imride. Rachel, finally, some sense. Finally. Finally. Somebody without the aggressive gene. Yeah. Oh, and for the avoidance of doubt, Rachel is absolutely right. We bother to look into this. It is against the law to poison other people's plants. So do not do it. I'll thank you very much. If you do have a dilemma, what you could do, though, is you could email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. That is also where you send your Am I Weirds.

34:15Cue music. Am I weird? It's really built, hasn't it?

34:21Maria McErlane:I had hoped that it might, but I don't feel it from that performance, frankly. Today's Am I Weird comes to us all the way from New Zealand. And it's from Carence, with a K. Hi, Graham and Maria. My neighbours, oh, not neighbours again. My neighbours think I'm weird because I have a life-size cardboard cutout of a creepy man in the window. I stole him in a secret Santa battle. and as I live alone, I think he makes a fabulous security guard. Am I weird? Oh my goodness. Now, apparently, are we saying Kerens or Kerents? What do you think? Kerents. I think Kerents. It's a lady, I think. Yeah. What did I say?

35:04I can't remember. You weren't listening. I don't know. That was hours ago. Yeah. We've got a visual, we can see a picture apparently. Can we? I'm not looking, I'm not looking. What can you see, Maria?

35:17Maria McErlane:It is quite a creepy man Shall I show it to you? Let's have a look That is Is it me? Yeah Oh it is me Is it you? Apparently it's me Are you kidding me? I mean Let me see again Apparently that's me That's from quite a long time ago I think I look older there Well yes That's because you've been in the window so long It's very ageing being in a window I'm sun faded No, I'm just saying it's very old because you haven't got a beard in this. Oh, haven't I? No. Hello. Where's the beard? On my face, isn't it? Oh. Is there a beard on that? Oh, no, maybe there isn't a beard. But why is it in New Zealand?

35:58Oh, it might have been a book tour. You know, it was probably in a book shop.

36:02Maria McErlane:Okay. Why would they be in a secret Santa? Well, because you can only, you know, you don't want to spend any money, so you just steal something and grab something. There you go. Everything under a fiver. Okay, now I think you're weird because that's not going to keep any burglars out. The burglars will just go, oh, there's some giant homosexual in there. Let's break in. Let me have a look again. I don't know. I think if you live alone, you know, it's a bit like people who drive alone and they put a blow-up doll in the passenger seat. It is very like that. It's exactly like that. I must say, I didn't think...

36:37Maria McErlane:I'm worried about her windows, actually. I didn't think she was weird until I saw the picture, but having a giant cut out of me in your window does seem weird because one, it's immediately obvious that, you know, if somebody recognises me, they know I don't live there. And two, it won't scare anyone away. I don't think you're weird. I think it's kind of, you know, funny that you sent it to us and it's Graham. Although I don't find myself laughing, which is odd. I think that's a bit weird. Are we saying, is it weird or not weird? You think it's weird. I think it's not weird. I think it's weird.

37:13I think it's weird and pointless. That's what I think it is.

37:17Maria McErlane:But you do have a house in New Zealand. I'm spreading this rumour now, you see. Oh, yes, and I do live in it. Yeah. And when I get there, I shave my beard off. And most of the time you spend in the window like that. Yeah, I just wear a suit looking out. Well, that creepy cutout brings us to the end of another edition of Wanging On. Wanging On with Brian and Maria is a platform media production. Thanks for listening or indeed watching. We'll be back next week. Till then, goodbye.

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