Lewd Paintings, Dodgy Expenses and Lonely Takeaways - Graham and Maria respond

5:50Graham Norton:A friendly moon? Something like that. What the hell? It's where you take your friends on the honeymoon with you. Did you go on the honeymoon? No, we weren't that close, obviously. Oh, mercifully.

6:01Maria McErlane:They took their friends on honeymoon.

6:03Graham Norton:No, I know quite a few people who've done this. This is madness. Have you never heard of that? No. Word just in.

6:09Maria McErlane:Yeah. Are you wearing an earpiece? Yes, I am. Okay, okay, I need one. I need an earpiece.

6:14Graham Norton:It's called a buddymoon.

6:15Maria McErlane:A buddymoon. Yeah. This is so American.

6:18Graham Norton:Well, one of the people I know who did it is American. But these people were not. But yeah, a gang of them all went off to a villa. As they were going off, and we were going to the airport to come home, I was so happy to be going home thinking that was too much fun for three days. So I just thought, how are they going to continue to have that much fun?

6:37Maria McErlane:And did they continue to have that much fun?

6:38Graham Norton:I'm guessing they did. More word just in. Yes, yes. Nothing to do with the Medici's, the place in Spain. Was it the Borgias? Borgias. It was Borgias. And the name of the place, I think, is Borgia or something. Instead of Borgia. Bochia.

6:51Maria McErlane:Bochia. Bochia.

6:54Graham Norton:Bochia.

6:58Graham Norton:I don't know what, they didn't invite me on the buddy moon, I don't know why. Me neither. You like the sun.

7:05Maria McErlane:I used to, I find I have no patience for it anymore. What, the lying there cooking? Lying there cooking, and also, you know, I've done quite a lot of damage, hence me having a CO2 burning peel. Oh, really? Well, no, I might do, I might not. Okay, well that was the sun. Yeah, because of the sun. You know, sun damage in the olden days.

7:25Graham Norton:Sunbathing is boring.

7:26Maria McErlane:It's so boring, but I used to love it in the olden days. It's hard to read.

7:30Graham Norton:You can listen to things.

7:31Maria McErlane:You can lie on your front and read.

7:32Graham Norton:Yeah, but it's hard because the sun is there. You can listen to stuff, but it's boring.

7:38Maria McErlane:So I'm less of a suntan. You tan quickly, don't you? I go red first. Very Irish.

7:45Graham Norton:Yeah, you don't go red at all, do you?

7:46Maria McErlane:No, I've got a bit of Italian in me.

7:48Graham Norton:Oh, yes, right now.

7:49Maria McErlane:The borders. No, the Medici, sorry. Which ones? Anyway, no, the Spanish came round to Ireland in the olden days. Yes, they did.

8:00Graham Norton:Yes, they did to Galway.

8:02Maria McErlane:Yeah, they did. And then, so I'm, I have relations in my family who are very pale and Irish looking, and I am not.

8:10Graham Norton:And there was a place, what the hell's the name of the place in Ireland? Ballad, not Ballad de Hoob, Baltimore. Baltimore. And some Turkish pirates came and took a whole street of people away. And if you're in Turkey and you see a pale, red-headed person, it's because they are a descendant of the people who got stolen from Baltimore.

8:30Maria McErlane:What sort of time frame are we looking at here?

8:33Graham Norton:1976.

8:35Maria McErlane:The summer of 76 was very hot.

8:38Graham Norton:Yeah, well, hence they had to do some pirating abroad.

8:42Maria McErlane:1976, the pirates of Baltimore. We are a history podcast, basically, aren't we?

8:48Graham Norton:Yeah, really. The rest is history. That's us.

8:50Maria McErlane:Rayem knows an awful lot about Irish history, and he'll be telling you more week by week.

8:54Graham Norton:Okay, I think it's time we delve into our tray of problems. We begin with... This episode is brought to you by Didi's Discounts.

9:03Maria McErlane:Back to school season is officially here, and Didi's has everything on your list. I'm talking bold styles, cool kicks, backpacks, and even dorm room essentials. All the prices that won't hurt your wallet. So don't sleep on DeeDee's. Whether you've got a second grader or a sophomore, DeeDee's has your whole family covered. Find a DeeDee's discount store near you and go check it out today.

9:27Graham Norton:Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for$15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made$15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. Number one.

10:01Graham Norton:Right, Maria, have you got an envelope?

10:03Maria McErlane:I have got an envelope.

10:05Graham Norton:Marvellous.

10:05Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, I'm taking my fiancé to meet my mum and stepdad in Germany where they live. My stepdad is an artist and among other things, he paints very lewd pictures of my mum that I find excruciating. Congratulations on the word lewd.

10:28Graham Norton:And excruciating.

10:30Maria McErlane:And excruciating. I have asked if they can be removed for our visit. They're on the walls in the hall, the living room and the bedrooms. Mum flatly refuses and it's turned into a bit of a thing. My fiancé is from a very proper family. Surely it's a small thing to ask. And that is from Hal in Derby. That is a bit of a dilemma, Hal in Derby. But all I want to say to you is, you know, you are now engaged to this girl and however proper...

11:00Graham Norton:Was it a man? What? Because it's... Should there be two E's if it's a woman? I'm just looking at the letter.

11:05Maria McErlane:Where? In Hal?

11:06Graham Norton:In fiancé.

11:07Maria McErlane:Okay.

11:08Graham Norton:Is Hal marrying a man or a woman? We don't know. A person.

11:12Maria McErlane:Is there a difference in fiancé and fiancé if it's a man?

11:15Graham Norton:I think so.

11:15Maria McErlane:Oh, this is a whole other ballgame. I think so. There's so much I don't know in life. I know. Dear Maria.

11:22Graham Norton:Buddy Moon. I don't know who I'm marrying. Whether they're a man or a woman. Anyway, this person.

11:28Maria McErlane:Okay, Hal is marrying somebody. Well, my fiancé is from a very proper family. What does that suggest? Yeah.

11:36Graham Norton:Oh, it must be a woman.

11:38Maria McErlane:I thought.

11:39Graham Norton:Men are just dragged up.

11:41Maria McErlane:Yeah. We don't know. We don't know. I'm ignoring Graham at the moment. Hal in Derby, your fiancé, male or female, you presumably talked to about the fact that your stepdad has painted these lewd pictures and, you know... And that your mother posed for them. And that your mother posed for them and that it's a thing. Your fiancé is marrying you, not them. And I think your mum is feeling, I'm not going to change my life and my beautiful art display for anyone because I like them. He's made me look beautiful and he's a very good artist. And so you can't change that. But you have to talk to your fiancé if you think that she's from a proper family and will take offence.

12:23Maria McErlane:But talk to her before you go and make a joke of it. Just, you know. And so when you get there, you can say, oh, that is a beautiful picture.

12:31Graham Norton:Well, also, I think there's something kind of weird that Hal is going to marry someone that he's already embarrassed about something to this extent. The relationship should be that you can have a laugh about it. You can kind of go, Jesus, wait till you see the terrible legs akimbo paintings of my mother. Legs akimbo, very good. They're lewd. They're lewd. They're lewd. And excruciating. Yes. I think there's a lot of German hosiery on display.

13:01Maria McErlane:What I think this is more about, Hal, is the relationship you have with your mother. how she's not going to dance to your tune and you want her to. I mean, this seems to me it's really not about the pictures because we can all go, that's disgusting, but I'm going to say this is lovely because I'm meeting these people for the first time. But this is about the fact that your mum is refusing to change her manner, her ways. And when you say my fiancé comes from a very proper family, it sounds to me as if you're saying, I don't come from a proper family and I'm a little bit ashamed of that. Yes, I think it's like,

13:38Graham Norton:I think when you're a kid, you're allowed to be embarrassed by what your mother wore to sports day. But by the time you're getting married, you shouldn't, you should just be able to roll with the punches and go, you know, mom can wear whatever, you can wear the big flowery hat to the wedding. I don't care. And it's a bit like this. You shouldn't care something. You just own it. You just go, God, these two. And that's why I'm wondering

13:59Maria McErlane:if Hal is quite young because normally with a little bit of maturity, you can just think to yourself, that is who they are. My fiancé is not marrying them, she's marrying me. And, you know, we will never be anything like them. But of course you will in the fullness of time.

14:14Graham Norton:I mean, that is the scary thing for fiancé to walk in and go, oh my God. Yeah, this is why. But it is your stepdad. Genetically connected.

14:22Maria McErlane:It is obviously your stepdad rather than your real dad.

14:25Graham Norton:But mother's posing.

14:25Maria McErlane:Yeah, mother's posing. But I'm guessing there's issues around all of that as well. This is one of those letters where you talk about where people, it's what they don't say rather than what they do. Yes.

14:37Graham Norton:I feel like, but I think that the main thing is about Hal's relationship with the person they're marrying. Just, you should be relaxed with that person or at least be able to kind of go, you know, wait till you see this. You know, it just seems crazy that you're so embarrassed. You want to hide something.

14:58Maria McErlane:No wonder, would you want to hide, if your children came and said, will you hide those pictures of dogs or whatever that you've got in your house? No, this is my house. I do, don't come if they're that offensive to you.

15:09Graham Norton:Yeah, if it's not good enough for a fiancé, then no, they can't come.

15:12Maria McErlane:I'm kind of with your mum on this, Hal. I think you have to, you know, get over yourself and put your big pants on.

15:18Graham Norton:Yeah, and also you can be upfront and kind of go, I really, I don't need to see that much of you, mum. You know, make light of it. But I think that kind of weird prudish embarrassment is so kind of, I don't know.

15:31Maria McErlane:It is. It's a sort of prurient attitude that seems entirely for the fiancé. Yes. Because he's obviously seen these pictures before. One more. I think you're quite liking the idea of these pictures.

15:44Graham Norton:Graham would like one, Hal. If when you go... I'll buy them all. I'll solve the problem. Give me your stepdad's number. I'll buy all of them. it's a sellout exhibition

15:56Maria McErlane:I mean I think that's a big thing you've just done there Graham

16:00Graham Norton:isn't it nice of me and I applaud you and you'll be getting one for Christmas every year for the next 12 years

16:07Maria McErlane:I look forward to that Hal we haven't really been that helpful have we

16:12Graham Norton:doesn't matter because our wangers they get early access to the problems if you'd like to be one of those dedicated listeners a wanger you just email us wangingon at listen.co.uk like these people did do. Who?

16:27Maria McErlane:This is from Cherry. Cherry? Cherry as in the fruit. Yes. Cherry says, I think give your fiancé a little more credit. She loves you and plans to marry you.

16:36Graham Norton:Or maybe a man.

16:37Maria McErlane:Or maybe a man. So she, he needs to also accept your parents for who they are. Let her see the pictures, I say. She's part of the family now. She or he is part of the family now. And Tim says, if this is the first time she's meeting your mum, let's just go with she for now and stepdad

16:55Graham Norton:people are so conventional

16:56Maria McErlane:shut it up surely it's not unreasonable for you to go ahead of time and for oh this is pointless and for your fiance to we should have called

17:07Graham Norton:the podcast that this is what if only if only they hadn't come up with that stupid game show we could have called this pointless

17:15Maria McErlane:yes that's true

17:17Graham Norton:and now for another pointless problem yeah with some pointless advice

17:22Maria McErlane:Shall I start that again? Tim, Tim, if this is the first time she's meeting your mum and stepdad, surely it's not unreasonable for you to go ahead of time and for your fiancé to join you later. How is this going to change anything? That way you can have a day or two to go around the house and take the pictures down yourself. No, Tim.

17:40Graham Norton:Oh, you'll feel the back of my hand. Yeah, really.

17:43Maria McErlane:Oh! Do you know what's next? Can you imagine how livid you'd be? Oh, my goodness. You would be fuming. Yeah.

17:48Graham Norton:Oh, honestly, Hal would be out of the house. That would be the end of it Maybe that's what they want I sense a voice note

17:57Maria McErlane:Oh they're my favourite

17:58Graham Norton:Olivia, Olivia's speaking to us now

18:00Maria McErlane:Okay, I think all of our parents are weirdos Every single one of us has a story about our parents And how our parents do something weird or have a funny habit Unfortunately yours seems to be on the extreme end of the spectrum But our parents are our parents and we can't change them as much as we would love to. I think all that you can do is give your fiancé a heads up so at least they're not blindsided.

18:28Graham Norton:Yeah, I mean, that's fair. Yeah. But also, I feel like, what's wrong with this fiancé? That they're so prissy that this is going to kind of wreck their world.

18:38Maria McErlane:It's more about Hal. This is what Ava says. Okay. She says, I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect your parents to rearrange the house for your visit. Are you expecting them to do this every time? Good point. Just tell your fiancé so she knows what to expect exactly. And then she can pretend to be impressed by the art. Lovely art, yes. Andy says, Hal, are you afraid your fiancé might love these paintings and want to do her own? I think you're being a prude. Nudity really isn't a big deal, especially in Germany. Stop worrying about it. Go and have a lovely time. I know, but Andy, they're lewd.

19:15Maria McErlane:They are lewd. It's not just nude, it's lewd.

19:18Graham Norton:Imagine if the stepdad asks to paint the fiancé.

19:21Maria McErlane:Oh, I think that's what Hal is worried about.

19:25Graham Norton:Dressing gown akimbo.

19:28Maria McErlane:Would you pose for a lewd nude for me, fiancé?

19:33Graham Norton:I'm willing to go fully akimbo. Hal, thanks for setting in your dilemma. Hopefully you've helped in some small way and good luck with the visit. We will have a dilemma number two very shortly.

19:46Maria McErlane:This episode is brought to you by DeeDee's Discounts. Back to school season is officially here and DeeDee's has everything on your list. I'm talking bold styles, cool kicks, backpacks, and even dorm room essentials. All the prices that won't hurt your wallet. So don't sleep on DeeDee's. Whether you've got a second grader or a sophomore, DeeDee's has your whole family covered. Find a DeeDee's discount store near you and go check it out today.

20:13Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Okay.

20:45Maria McErlane:Right, a second letter, please. Yes, indeed, Graham. Rip it asunder. Letter number two. Still thinking of Hal and his noobs. Dear Graham and Maria, I've been investigating some expense claims at work. And my...

21:02Maria McErlane:I hear you. I hear you, Graham. We've got to go with it. Okay. I've been investigating some expense claims at work and my line manager and I have agreed that we need some people to...

21:13Graham Norton:Can you remember when we did this on the radio? The phrase line manager used to come up so often. It was always messy. Always thinking about line managers. I haven't heard it in months, years. I know, line manager.

21:25Maria McErlane:I think, well, basically when people would say the word office, we would both go, what? What are they doing? Yes, and we would often say to people, have you been to human resources?

21:35Graham Norton:Oh, yeah, HR.

21:36Maria McErlane:HR.

21:37Graham Norton:Yeah, we'll get to that in a minute. Sorry, do continue with the word. Yeah, okay, line manager.

21:40Maria McErlane:I have been investigating some expense claims at work and my line manager and I have agreed that we need some people to repay some dodgy mileage claims. However, in my search, I have found out that one of the naughty people is one of the big bosses. We're going through a restructure at the moment and I don't want to be made redundant. If I can somehow find a reason to exempt my boss, should I? And that is from Anonymous. Oh, my goodness, Anonymous, horns of a dilemma. Yes. Obviously, the answer is no, you should make your boss pay back the money. But I see that you don't want to be made redundant.

22:23Maria McErlane:And we live in a dog-eat-dog world.

22:26Graham Norton:But I would say Anonymous is going to be quite unpopular after calling out all these people on their fraudulent claims. Yeah. So the chances of being made redundant are quite high anyway. and I wonder how big is the boss, if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah. Because if the boss is so big, then it's kind of their money to scam, if you know what I mean.

22:49Maria McErlane:Well, we don't know the ins and outs, do we? I mean, if somebody, really, you've got to be setting an example of the big boss man. Well, why don't you go to the big boss,

22:57Graham Norton:just forward a file of all the fraudulent claims. You know, me and line manager, we've been investigating expenses. Yeah, yeah. We've come up with these discrepancies. for all these people, putting them in there and kind of go, what do you want us to do about it? And then the big boss gets to decide.

23:15Maria McErlane:You see, I think you don't want to name and shame for everyone to see.

23:19Graham Norton:No, not everyone. Just send it to the big boss.

23:22Maria McErlane:No, but you've got to send that letter to everybody who has, you know.

23:26Graham Norton:No, no, because the big boss gets to decide what they do going forward. Are they going to bother asking everyone to repay these mileage, you know, the fake mileage things?

23:35Maria McErlane:See, I think the best way around this, Anonymous, is to make your line manager do it. Because he is the line manager. Or she.

23:46Graham Norton:They're supposed to manage the line.

23:47Maria McErlane:And people are getting out of line.

23:49Graham Norton:Yeah. Very much so. Get in there and manage that line.

23:54Maria McErlane:Because really, he or she is superior to you because you've been going through, well, you're probably the accountant, right? Are you thinking? Accountant going through? I don't know. We don't know. We don't know how offices work. but line manager really needs to do this. I just don't think, I think there should be an example set by the big boss man. You can see why people are fiddling their expenses because they know that they will get away with it because he gets away with it. So somebody's got to clamp down on this.

24:21Graham Norton:You know what? None of it's your money. Who cares?

24:24Maria McErlane:So what are we doing? Letting everybody off?

24:26Graham Norton:Just let everyone off. I didn't find anything wrong. It's all fine.

24:30Maria McErlane:And then come the end of -

24:31Graham Norton:And then just start nicking stuff. Willy nilly.

24:34Maria McErlane:Come the end of the year when they have the financial accountants in.

24:38Graham Norton:You blame the line manager.

24:39Maria McErlane:You blame the line manager again.

24:40Graham Norton:That line manager, I don't know.

24:43Maria McErlane:Graham's advice is basically let everyone off and start nicking things. What do you think? Paintings? It's not his company.

24:50Graham Norton:You know, and he's going to... I don't know if you understand the way of the world, Graham. They don't want to lose their job. I mean, the other thing you could do, of course, is blackmail the big boss. And then you get money.

25:01Maria McErlane:I wouldn't do that. No, I wouldn't do that either. I mean, this is kind of, we're getting into mafia territory, and you may well be whacked. I believe that is the terminology for mafia. I know more about mafia territory than I do about office politics, basically.

25:13Graham Norton:That's true, listeners. That is true. That is true.

25:16Maria McErlane:It's one of my hobbies. I love it.

25:19Graham Norton:Don't know why.

25:21Maria McErlane:Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Tony Castellano.

25:27Graham Norton:Look, it is a proper dilemma. It is a proper dilemma. I just don't know if there's anything, there's any way out of it.

25:34Maria McErlane:Well, that's what we're here for, do you see? To try and find a way out of it.

25:38Graham Norton:Well, okay, then bottom line is, look, no one cares apart from Anonymous, so exempt the boss. Just say Big Boss could do what they like because they're the Big Boss.

25:47Maria McErlane:Well, you said earlier that all the other people that are on the list are going to be cross anyway.

25:51Graham Norton:Well, they are going to be cross, but maybe they can't get Anonymous fired.

25:54Maria McErlane:Yeah, I really think you must get...

25:56Graham Norton:You're not going to be popular at the Christmas party, whatever happens here, because you are the narc, the grass.

26:02Maria McErlane:Yeah, you are. You are the narc. They don't do well because we have to sign a murder in the mafia. Yes. You have to stay silent. Yeah. Just in case people don't know what that means. But I would say shop them all, shop the boss, and start looking for another job. Because Tony Castellano is going to come for you and give you a concrete combono.

26:27Graham Norton:I wasn't thinking concrete combono. I was thinking much more horse's head. Oh. I was thinking definitely, yeah.

26:32Maria McErlane:No, he's going to be whacked.

26:33Graham Norton:All right.

26:33Maria McErlane:He or she is going to be whacked. But let's see what the audience, I think the audience of wangers.

26:38Graham Norton:The wangers have been in touch. What have we got?

26:40Maria McErlane:We've got Phil saying, deny all knowledge. Very much your strain of thought there. Don't pursue it. What's the point? Nothing good can come out of this. Your boss's expenses are their business. Bury your head in the sand and forget about it. Unless they're working for a charity or something. Is there not a moral backbone here in this country anymore?

26:57Graham Norton:And who are they stealing from? They're only stealing from an even bigger boss. So, you know, unless it's a charity or something, then I think just, you know, who cares? You know, property is theft.

27:09Maria McErlane:All proper tea is theft. So I drink green tea. I'll get my coat. Deleth has an answer. Frankly, this sounds like something above your pay grade. Exactly. Line manager. Presumably, it was your line manager who led you on this exercise. So it's their problem. That fool. Yeah. Let them have the awkward conversation. Thank you very much, Deleth. Let them have the conversation with the boss. You've done the right thing by raising it. Wash your hands of it. Can I just say? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

27:42Graham Norton:HR. What? HR.

27:44Maria McErlane:HR.

27:45Graham Norton:That's what they're for.

27:46Maria McErlane:You go to HR with this.

27:47Graham Norton:You go to HR with this. Okay. And say, my line manager's behaving really irresponsibly. They're going to get me fired.

27:53Maria McErlane:Jason says, why would you be at an increased risk of redundancy? This is a way to demonstrate that you do your job thoroughly and are good at spotting anomalies. Don't make it a personal thing and don't make a big deal of it. Just ask for the money to be repaid in the same way you would ask anyone else. Sensible, Jason.

28:12Graham Norton:Yes, I feel Jason lives in an ideal world.

28:15Maria McErlane:Yeah, he does. He does. And that's not a bad place to live, Jason. Pam says, if you fabricate a reason to exempt your boss, then you're the one responsible for the wrongdoing. It'll only come back to bite you. Keep yourself squeaky clean and talk to your line manager about the best course of action. You do it, line manager.

28:34Graham Norton:HR, HR. One more?

28:36Maria McErlane:Yeah. George, who says, I mean, everybody's sort of on the same page. If you can find a reasonable way to exempt your boss from this, then do so. No, you shouldn't be chiding the people at the top of the company. Chiding, a good word. Nobody likes a busybody. It's his job to be a busybody. Plus, you want to stay in the boss's good books.

28:56Graham Norton:Anonymous, as ever. We hope you've helped with some of that advice. A reminder of our email address. That is wangingon at listen.co.uk. Or you can also find us on Instagram at wangingon. That's also what people have been sending there. Am I weird? Which we've been enjoying greatly. Have you got one today, Maria? I'm assuming we have. Who's it from?

29:17Maria McErlane:I have. This is from Sean in London. Is that how you say it?

29:21Graham Norton:Sean. Sean Williams.

29:23Maria McErlane:S-I-A-N. Sean.

29:25Graham Norton:Sean.

29:25Maria McErlane:Sian.

29:26Graham Norton:No, it's definitely not Sian. I know, I know.

29:28Maria McErlane:Anyway, hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I pretend someone else is in the house when I order a takeaway? I'm not ordering mountains of food. It just feels weird when it's just me. So I yell to my fictitious friends just before I open the door to the delivery. Oh, I think I'm pretty convincing. and that's from Sian in London. I don't think you're weird. I think that's quite a sweet thing to do. Well, I've done it. Have you?

29:57Graham Norton:I've done it, but I think it is weird.

29:59Maria McErlane:So can you tell me, ding dong, I'm the delivery man. No, no, no.

30:02Graham Norton:I don't do the shouting. I've never done the shouting to fictitious friends.

30:06Maria McErlane:So you order?

30:08Graham Norton:I've ordered things that look like a meal for two because they're a meal for two.

30:12Maria McErlane:Okay. So is that you being embarrassed by being a big fatty bum bum?

30:15Graham Norton:No, that's me being embarrassed by being... all alone. And also, I feel like, you know, for the delivery person, it's like, what, you made me get on a bike to deliver this tiny thing. Right. So I order, so there's a meal going on. There's a dinner going on.

30:30Maria McErlane:Okay, so you've actually got feelings for the delivery driver. Well, I think, in fact, that's what Sean's talking about, I think.

30:36Graham Norton:Sean feels judged by the delivery driver. And so he's doing this.

30:40Maria McErlane:Like they care.

30:41Graham Norton:Well, that's what I'm saying. It's weird. I've done it, but it's weird. Sean should be comfortable enough for her own skin. And also, I feel like delivery now has moved on. Now I do, you know, there's so many delivery people. They're constantly whizzing around London.

30:54Maria McErlane:Okay, so are you thinking about in the olden days when people came to deliver something and buy horse and cart?

30:58Graham Norton:Yes.

30:59Maria McErlane:That's when you felt bad for them?

31:01Graham Norton:Yeah, because the penny farthing was often very hard to park.

31:04Maria McErlane:Quite uncomfortable as well. On those cobbles. Oh, yes. I can understand that. I don't think you're weird. I think it's rather sweet. And also sometimes, you know, if you are feeling a bit lonely and somebody's at the door, even, you know, not even a takeaway person, you can shout. I think I've done this. And I thought, who's at the door? They look a bit suspicious. I've shouted people, I'll get it.

31:27Graham Norton:Oh, that's good. Yeah. Back in the day when I was a student, I lived way, way top of this student accommodation. And what I would do was when the buzzer went, there was no intercom or anything. She didn't know who it was. so I would put a coat on and go downstairs and then I'd open the door of someone I wanted to see I went oh I've just come in and if it was someone I didn't want to see you'd go oh I'm just going out

31:48Maria McErlane:oh my god I think you've done that to me before

31:53Graham Norton:but I said I'd just come in no

31:57Maria McErlane:that is a brilliant ruse by the way thank you very much you haven't ever done it to me before but that is weird also to do except practical though practical

32:06Graham Norton:yeah but Sean I'm saying weird Maria's saying not weird

32:11Maria McErlane:I'm saying not weird I'm saying rather sweet but I like this section because it tells us a lot about Dame Nilly Norton here and you he's revealing I'll get it don't worry you're the one doing that yeah I know

32:22Graham Norton:I didn't do that

32:24Maria McErlane:is that weirder you're weird

32:28Graham Norton:just time before we go to say thank you to all our wangers for their advice and also to the people who wrote in with dilemmas or the question am I weird

32:38Maria McErlane:Yes, thank you very much for all your correspondence. And remember, do seek proper help if you need it. We're not experts, but there is information and useful links on our Instagram, which is at wangingon. Is wangingon a listen production? Oh, yeah. Wangingon is, wangingon with Graham and Maria is a listen production.

32:58Graham Norton:We'll see you next week for more Wangingon.

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