"Look Out Gabby Logan!" - Graham's Football 'Punditry' ⚽️

5:50Maria McErlane:Again, you commentating would thrill me enormously. Oh, he's just hit it and now, oh, look at the sky.

5:57Graham Norton:Oh, it's quite a good day here in wherever we are. St Andrews. Oh, and there's some grass and, oh, that must be the same ball, but it's landed now.

6:07Maria McErlane:You see, you're a shoo-in, frankly.

6:09Graham Norton:No, I mean, I remember as a kid, occasionally when Ireland would do something, I think it was John something, and I think he won a medal in the marathon or long distance or something.

6:22Maria McErlane:Yeah, this anecdote is not doing well.

6:23Graham Norton:No, no, but I just remember like an Irish person doing it. It was really exciting. Yeah. Because it was just, wow, someone from this little country.

6:30Maria McErlane:And so does it stir a kind of nationalism?

6:32Graham Norton:It did. It was kind of like, wow, someone from this little country is, you know, one of the best people in the world at doing whatever this thing is. I will never do.

6:40Maria McErlane:Whatever this thing is that I'm watching.

6:41Graham Norton:Yeah, I'm delighted. I think it was in LA. It was the LA Olympics because it was early in the morning. So, you know, I wasn't busy.

6:48Maria McErlane:John Tracy, maybe? Oh, I don't know. We'll have to get someone to look that up. Clicky, clicky, clicky, clicky. That's the only sporting thing that you can remember. Yes. Yeah. But you will be watching the tennis? No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. I don't think we'll do very well in the tennis. I don't think we've got, you know, strike me down. but I don't think we've got any real contenders this year.

7:09Graham Norton:But they play individually. They don't play for the country, do they?

7:12Maria McErlane:No, but you know, Andy, Andy, what's his name?

7:16Graham Norton:Wow. How quickly they forget. Maria, Maria, tennis superfan.

7:21Maria McErlane:Yeah, wait a minute. You couldn't remember what the sport was, what the name was, what the year was. Yeah, but I'm not pretending I like it.

7:30Graham Norton:What was his name? Andy. And he's got a mother. Yeah, he's got a mother. He's got the really pushy mother. What's his name?

7:38Maria McErlane:Andy Murray. And Mrs.

7:39Graham Norton:Murray.

7:39Maria McErlane:And Mrs. Murray. She wasn't playing.

7:41Graham Norton:Because the dad was Pete Murray. No, he wasn't. He was not Pete Murray, the DJ. And they've got a hotel in, is it Kromlicks or something?

7:50Maria McErlane:Oh, God. Now suddenly you're Mr. Factual. Yeah.

7:53Graham Norton:And I stayed there. It was very nice.

7:54Maria McErlane:Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah.

7:55Graham Norton:See, someone has just told me in my ear that it was John Tracy and it was LA, the Olympics, but he didn't even come first. It was silver. I know. They told me in my ear as well. But we were still delighted. We were still delighted.

8:08Maria McErlane:Yeah. Someone has just told me in my ear. Yeah. Hooray for you. Yeah. Because you were doing sports commentary and that's how they know. That's how they know. That's how they know. But my ear picked it up too.

8:19Graham Norton:Anyway, good luck with your summer of sport. Don't open a letter yet. There's a whole world of problems before us. We will get to that next.

8:30Graham Norton:This podcast is sponsored by Newmarket Holidays, providing award-winning escorted tours. Now, Maria, you know that excitement when you decide to go on a big holiday, but then you realize, I've got to organize it all.

8:41Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's the dull bit, actually, isn't it? Who wants to do that? Nobody.

8:45Graham Norton:Like, I find things like connecting flights are so stressful. Really, really, especially when you're kind of on your own. Unless you're going to an airport and you don't know, well, how far is it? Like, will I be able to leg it or, you know, whatever? I remember once I got a flight back from Australia with a connecting flight. And because the connecting bit was after midnight, it turned out the flight I was supposed to get had left the day before.

9:08Maria McErlane:No!

9:09Graham Norton:Yeah.

9:10Maria McErlane:I mean, you have to kind of take a zen pill on holiday, don't you, if you're doing that? Or... Get somebody to do it for you.

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9:31Maria McErlane:This all sounds incredible. Talk to me about their credentials, Graham.

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9:54Maria McErlane:How fabulous. And if I'm leaving the logistics to them, that means I can spend more time browsing the website and dreaming of African safaris, Indian temples, or the gorgeous Italian coastline. That's a fun bit, isn't it?

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10:15Maria McErlane:Plenty of opportunities for great holidays, great memories, and great stories.

10:20Graham Norton:Visit newmarketholidays.co.uk and find out more and save up to 15 % on your next wishlist escorted tour. It's time, Maria. Envelope ahoy. There it is. You were very prepared.

10:33Maria McErlane:I was indeed. I preempted that. I knew what was coming, Graham. Dear Graham and Maria, an old friend of mine has written his first novel. Ooh. Did you send this in? No. He sent me the manuscript and asked me to read it. While I don't work in publishing, he knows I'm a keen reader. I was nervous about starting it and kept putting it off. About a month after he sent it, I received a message guilting me for not yet responding. So I finally sat down to read it. It was bad. Nevertheless, I took notes and sent him a detailed response with constructive criticism, encouraging him to develop what felt like the best bits and trim the others.

11:14Maria McErlane:He thanked me but said he's not interested in revisiting it as all the literary agents he sent it to have rejected it.

11:23Graham Norton:Fair enough.

11:25Maria McErlane:now he sent me another manuscript and asked me to read it as well i don't want to how can i tell him i'd really rather not read it or should i be blunt and tell him i think his writing is truly bad i've suggested he do a creative writing weekend or a novel writing course but he's not interested i desperately don't want to continue reading hundreds of pages of his awful prose for eternity Help! Thanks for your fantastic show, which always gives me a laugh. You're sincerely Chuck. Chuck, the novel. Chuck, I mean, I feel your pain. That is orcs. Yeah, that's very orcs. Especially as he seems to be so kind of resistant to any of your criticism, you know, constructive criticism and advice in order to get this published.

12:16Maria McErlane:You know, I mean, you've got to be able to say, yeah, you're right. I think actually that bit is a bit boring. I need to get rid of that and develop this. And he's saying, I'm not going to do it because they've rejected it. Well, they've rejected it for the same reason Chuck sort of has rejected it.

12:31Graham Norton:But in a way, though, the friend on one level is right. OK, nobody likes this novel. I've got reams of advice from Chuck about how bad it is. No literary agent likes it. I'm going to throw it in a bin. I've got to chuck it. But the amazing thing is that, like, was he using AI to go up with novel number two? Because, you know, even writing a bad novel takes a lot of time.

12:54Maria McErlane:It does, yeah. Well, we don't know the time frame.

12:56Graham Norton:Yes, but anyway, there's now another novel. What I would say, Chuck, here's the thing. As someone who has interviewed many, many writers about their books, it's very easy to frisk a novel, particularly a bad one. You know, read a bit at the beginning, dip in, a few little bits there, there, get to the end. and then just send a vague thing, kind of like, yeah, it was a bit better, I enjoyed the blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah. Don't go into that and just leave it. They will, you know, if there's a quiz and he kind of, what about the bit with it and you don't know.

13:30Maria McErlane:About that big rabbit that appears on an episode.

13:32Graham Norton:You just go, I don't remember that bit. You don't have to do what you did the first time, Chuck. You know, just give it a little frisk and then say something vague and then it's done. You're over, you're out.

13:44Maria McErlane:It's a tough one though, isn't it?

13:45Graham Norton:But he's going to give up on writing quite soon, I think.

13:48Maria McErlane:What else is he doing?

13:49Graham Norton:Who, the friend?

13:50Maria McErlane:Yeah. I don't know. Nothing. Nothing, okay. That's why he's written a second novel for quickly.

13:54Graham Norton:His life is empty.

13:56Maria McErlane:I kind of feel that Chuck's friend has possibly retired or changed his life in some way, given up his job to become a novelist.

14:05Graham Norton:Ooh, that was a big risk. Maybe he has, I don't know. Yeah.

14:08Maria McErlane:Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

14:11Graham Norton:Reading. Not chucking. Actually, we find out what wangers think of this. Yes, let's do that. Yeah. Okay. But also, can I just say, Chuck, very good friend. Yeah, very nice, Chuck. And actually, except slightly diluted, because no one wants that level of feedback.

14:28Maria McErlane:I know, I was just about to say.

14:30Graham Norton:They just want you to say, oh, I really liked it.

14:32Maria McErlane:And I think you can say, I really liked the bit about the doodah, but the bit about the library bored me a bit.

14:39Graham Norton:Yeah, I felt maybe there were two endings. You need to decide how you're ending the book.

14:44Maria McErlane:I like that one.

14:45Graham Norton:It sounded true, didn't it? It was like I'd read a stupid book. Yeah. Yeah.

14:50Maria McErlane:I remember when I wrote my memoir and you said, you gave me some sort of quote and then you read it and you went, hey, I think I'm going to change my thing because I've read it now.

15:04Graham Norton:Sadly, it had long gone to press.

15:07Maria McErlane:Okay. Marianne, the librarian says. Oh, she'll know. Yeah, yeah. The person sounds like a twat.

15:16Maria McErlane:She's a librarian. Yeah, she knows. She knows what she's talking about. When you took the time to read and critique his work, he ignored your feedback. Just say that unfortunately you are busy and don't have the time you would like to dedicate to reading. You can lightheartedly mention how long it took you to get through his previous manuscript. Life is too short to waste reading this trash. Ooh, Marion is pulling no punches there.

15:41Graham Norton:She really is. Yeah. He's a twat who writes thrash.

15:46Maria McErlane:Very good. I like that.

15:47Graham Norton:Oh, the voice note. Beth, Beth has been in touch. Come on, Beth, talk to us, talk.

15:51Maria McErlane:I would just copy and paste the manuscript into ChatGBT and then just ask it to give you a synopsis and then a few little bits of feedback about how to improve the script and then just say you've read it, stick the feedback into an email and send it back. It sounds like they don't really want any real feedback anyway. They just want you to say, yeah, it's great. So just do that. That's clever.

16:19Graham Norton:I mean, I couldn't do it, but it's clever. I couldn't do it either. I would know how to do that. But I feel if you put it through chat GBT, it will come back and go, I wrote this. Yes.

16:30Maria McErlane:But wait. I cannot correct what is already brilliant. Yes.

16:33Graham Norton:I enjoyed this when I wrote it a few months ago. That was very funny. That is clever. That is clever, but I don't know how you do it.

16:42Maria McErlane:Beth, that's good. Jono in Elgin, Scotland says, I love this dilemma. Great. I love reading. I love writing my own screenplays and adapting ones in my spare time. And I do force my poor boyfriend to read what I do. And he loves me, so he does. But this is just a friend and you don't owe him anything. I'd maybe just say that you know of places online where he could send this. There's surely online communities on Facebook, Reddit, scribble-o-file, etc., where people would love to help and read it. Love the show, as always. Lots of love. Hope you yell this part out, Maria. Love the show, as always.

17:22Maria McErlane:Lots of love.

17:23Graham Norton:You've made a dream come true. There we are. You really have. I did it.

17:26Maria McErlane:I did it, Jono.

17:28Graham Norton:That is good advice, because I bet you there must be, you know, all those, not good reads, but, you know, there must be amateur versions of that where they'll slag off your book for you. Yes. Because you're not going to get, I bet you none of that, you don't get any good feedback from any of those places.

17:47Maria McErlane:No, because most of the time, I think people are frustrated writers who do read those things. Yeah. So they're so eager to find the bad. Yeah. So do that. Yeah. Yeah. I would say do that. Okay. Steen and Nicky, a gay couple from Denmark, they put in brackets. Okay. That's good to know. Yeah. Steen and Nicky, thank you for listening. Offer to read one or two chapters, his choice, and that way you are not saying no, but also not yes to all of it. I'm with you, Steen and Nikki, on that one.

18:15Graham Norton:That's so gay couple in Denmark, isn't it? Is it?

18:17Maria McErlane:Is it, though?

18:18Graham Norton:That is very gay couple in Denmark.

18:22Maria McErlane:Cosmic Foxglove. Have we had them before?

18:24Graham Norton:I don't recall. No.

18:26Maria McErlane:Cosmic Foxglove says, This reminds me of a piece of advice. Never be too good at something you don't like doing. Your mistake was to give him a detailed and constructive response the first time. This time you can say you don't have a lot of time, but we'll take a quick glance at it. Then give a very half-arsed, rushed response so he never asks you again.

18:48Graham Norton:Cosmic Vox Club has got it in one.

18:50Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah.

18:51Graham Norton:Except I wouldn't even say I don't have much time. I would just pretend you've read it, but do give half-arsed.

18:57Maria McErlane:Yeah, I'm going with Beth's response, which was put it all through chat GPT and then ask for a synopsis.

19:03Graham Norton:I know that is clever, but I just resist doing things like that because...

19:08Maria McErlane:You don't know how to do it.

19:09Graham Norton:Well, no, but also once you do it once, then I wonder, will you ever read a book again? Or will you just, every book you get, you'll just put it into ChatGPT?

19:16Maria McErlane:I've just deleted ChatGPT from my computer.

19:19Graham Norton:Wow. Yeah. So you were able to do that.

19:21Maria McErlane:I was, yeah. It's because I had to, you know, I had too much fullness. It was full. My storage was full and I had to realize what I could get rid of. Okay. My novel, 100 ,000 words.

19:34Graham Norton:Don't need that. That's rubbish.

19:37Maria McErlane:I sent it to him to read and ignored his critique.

19:42Graham Norton:Well, Chuck, a lot of advice there. Some of it may even be handy. I think some of it was quite good advice. I thought it was very, very good.

19:48Maria McErlane:Thank you, wangers, for that.

19:49Graham Norton:If not, Chuck, you could always scroll down where the wangers have added their advice below this. There might be some gems of wisdom there. Maria, we will have a second problem in but a moment. This episode is brought to you by TV Licensing. And Maria, I've been watching the new 2026, you know, the 2012 W1A. Yes, we love Hugh Bonneville. Well, and again, it's one of those shows where you kind of think, oh, I'm not so sure. But because they've changed it so much, it has kind of refreshed it.

20:19Maria McErlane:They've made it in America.

20:21Graham Norton:It's in America for the football. And also, Hugh Bonneville, he's so good because in the beginning, you could imagine, oh, he's just going to play the character. But now that we all know the joke, I think the temptation as an actor would be to play the joke. Yeah. And he really doesn't. He really sits back on it.

20:38Maria McErlane:He reigns it in. And also, I do love his assistant, who is from all the other series.

20:43Graham Norton:Yes, Will.

20:44Maria McErlane:Will, who's the actor's name has...

20:46Graham Norton:Hugh Skinner.

20:47Maria McErlane:Very good. Is that right? Yeah.

20:49Graham Norton:What have you been watching?

20:50Maria McErlane:Well, on a slightly more serious note, I have been watching the wonderful Sheridan Smith in The Cage.

20:55Graham Norton:Oh, that's on my list.

20:56Maria McErlane:And also, I think Michael Socher is his name. I mean, it's a sort of double-handed. They work in a casino and they're stealing money. No spoilers here. But she is consistently good. You can kind of watch anything with her, is my feeling, and think, I believe you.

21:10Graham Norton:She's such a bankable star.

21:12Maria McErlane:Isn't she, though?

21:13Graham Norton:And she is a gift to those TV channels. If you can manage to sign up Sheridan Smith, you're okay.

21:18Maria McErlane:And, you know, she's so, she can do everything, is my feeling. And she's a brilliant musical performer as well. But there's not enough hours in the day to watch all the episodes that are available.

21:29Graham Norton:No, because remember, a TV license covers you to watch over 400 channels. I know, right? And everything on BBC iPlayer. And to find out more, go to tvl.co.uk slash pod. The moment is now up. It's time for a second problem.

21:44Maria McErlane:Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah. Dear Graham and Maria, I've been with my husband for 17 years, brackets married for 12, and we have a very happy life. He works in London, usually for two or three nights, and we share a home in North Yorkshire where we look after our little dog. And I work as a theatre lecturer. We argue about one thing and one thing only, money. It has become less of an issue, but he earns more than double my salary. So I often feel awkward spending money on myself, as he tends to pay the mortgage as well as renovating the house bit by bit, which we are doing totally ourselves. He goes for expensive haircuts and buys more expensive clothes, but does pay a lot into the relationship.

22:26Maria McErlane:I spend£15 on my hair and adore a charity shop bargain. I pay all the bills with my wages and pay for things like Netflix and the RHS. I booked in a back massage and a foot treatment for myself on a day he was due to be in London. I lied to him and said I had a meeting with a colleague that morning. However, the company emailed my massage and foot appointment to my email calendar, which my husband had connected to his. So I messaged him the truth and apologised. He said he was disappointed. I had lied so easily to his face and said I could use my money however I wanted. I've since realized I've grown accustomed to these monetary lies without realizing and I've actually done it a lot.

23:10Maria McErlane:Just because I feel some kind of shame that we don't earn the same, I've always felt I was on the back foot always trying to keep up. Never quite good enough. It's the only thing in our relationship that doesn't work. So how can a relationship work successfully when one partner earns way more than the other, and that is from Anonymous. I feel I know everything about Anonymous' life there.

23:31Graham Norton:There's a lot to unpack, isn't there?

23:33Maria McErlane:But mainly what I unpack from that is where is the argument with the husband? The only thing we ever argue about is money, and yet I'm seeing no argument other than you lying to him and him saying, you spend your money how you like.

23:45Graham Norton:I'm going to a hooker tonight. And don't lie to me.

23:52Graham Norton:I think the key to this is, you know, how can a relationship work successfully when one partner earns way more than the other? The key word is partner. Yeah. You're partners in this. And I get it. You know, I think early doors, this can really be an issue if you start dating someone and they earn a lot less than you or a lot more than you. But 17 years.

24:13Maria McErlane:17 years. I mean, you know, I think it's your problem, by the way, Anonymous. I think it's entirely your thing that you feel guilty that you don't earn as much as your husband does. But 17 years have gone by. You've managed so far. I'm not seeing an argument. I'm seeing that you had to lie to him for no apparent reason.

24:35Graham Norton:And also, I think, Anonymous, you need to kind of go, yes, so there's money. There's money that's there. But there's also about who's putting in what into this. So long as you're putting the weight in the relationship and in your life. So, you know, if you're doing all the renovations by yourself, are you just watching him do that? Yeah, yeah. Or are you sanding something?

24:58Maria McErlane:She says we're doing it ourselves. I'm imagining she's getting her overall done and a bit of 100 grit sandpaper occasionally.

25:05Graham Norton:So I just feel like if you're pulling your weight in the relationship and in, you know, around the house, the dog, the da-da-da, making sure everything in North Yorkshire is working smoothly and, you know, when he gets back from London, everything's as it should be. You know, all that sort of... I just feel like it's a partnership.

25:21Maria McErlane:And there's something martyrish about Anonymous saying, I only spend£15 on a hairdressing and shopping charity shops. You don't have to do that. You are earning money. There's just you and your husband and the dog. He earns twice as much as you. There is money coming in. Buy a nice dress. Stop being a martyr about it. Stop feeling quite so inadequate about the fact that you're in North Yorkshire, so probably the salaries are a little bit less than they would be in London.

25:46Graham Norton:I know this is often a thing.

25:48Maria McErlane:Yeah?

25:48Graham Norton:I think anonymous is a man. Oh, do you? Well, because I think a woman can't get a hair done for£15, even in North Yorkshire, surely.

25:55Maria McErlane:I think you can. Shampoo and set on old age pension a day.

26:01Graham Norton:Okay. She gets the gardener to do it.

26:04Maria McErlane:You think it's a man. Does everybody think it's a man? Yeah. It's a man?

26:09Graham Norton:Yeah. It's something to do with a little dog. I felt the little dog in North Yorkshire. I just felt, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, buy in my stress by all means and knock yourself out. Yes.

26:26Maria McErlane:I think you can spend a lot more on your clothes than you perhaps normally are doing at the moment. Buy a nice shirt, pair of trousers or whatever.

26:34Graham Norton:But also, I think, you know, it's one of those classic things where this has become an issue for Anonymous, sitting in North Yorkshire, kind of over-analyzing it. Meanwhile, husband down south, making all the money, not thinking about it.

26:51Maria McErlane:No.

26:52Graham Norton:Not thinking about it.

26:53Maria McErlane:Because they're partners.

26:54Graham Norton:Yeah, and also is now really upset because, you know, you've betrayed, you've kind of undermined the trust because, you know, you lied so casually about something so stupid. I just, yeah, I just think there's a conversation to be had here. After 17 years, I think, in fact, being caught out in the lie is quite a good way into the conversation where you just go, you know. We need to talk about this. I'm really sorry about that. But I want to explain where that lie came from and, you know, how it happened.

27:31Maria McErlane:What's been bugging me for 17 years? I mean, really? I mean, also anonymous, you could get a second job. Yeah.

27:36Graham Norton:Where's your ambition, anonymous?

27:39Maria McErlane:Just because it's North Yorkshire. Everyone needs a cleaner.

27:46Graham Norton:Bronte tours.

27:48Maria McErlane:I love that. I had. This is where Charlotte and her teeny tiny writing. Shall I see what the wangers say? Well, go on then. Attractor. I love that name. Attractor. Where do you think Attractor is coming from? Ireland. Yeah.

28:00Graham Norton:I mean, but an attractor, I don't know, like I wonder how old Attractor is because when I was a kid, there were, all the people called Attractor and Conceptor. Yeah. Yeah, they're all gone now apart from this Attractor. Yeah.

28:12Maria McErlane:So we think Attractor is quite old.

28:13Graham Norton:Oh, she's about 90.

28:16Maria McErlane:Attractor is from County Mayo. She could be my age. And says, I have a solution to this problem. Have a joint bank account. Both people put in the same percentage of their wages. For example, 70 % each. This would leave each person with 30 % of their wages to spend on themselves. She's done the maths. This way, both parties are contributing equally. It's not about both partners contributing the same amount of money, but rather everyone contributing the same percentage. Stop saying contributing.

28:43Graham Norton:Or percentage.

28:44Maria McErlane:Yeah, or percentage. I think Attractor's much younger.

28:47Graham Norton:She's just left school.

28:49Maria McErlane:Me donating€100 ,000 to charity would affect me more than if Brad Pitt donated€100 ,000. However, she's lost me now. However, if myself and Brad both...

29:01Graham Norton:I feel like it's a TED talk on taxation.

29:05Maria McErlane:However, if myself and Brad both donated 10 % of their wages, that would be more of an equal gesture. Yeah, she's lost me now. Thank you, Attractor. No. I know what she was saying.

29:14Graham Norton:In a kind of, you know, logic sense, I see what you're saying. But a partner in North Yorkshire who's left with 30 % of a small wage, you know, that's not much. No. That's pennies. Whereas one in London, 30 % of his wage, woohoo.

29:31Maria McErlane:So a tractor's argument is null and void. I mean, kind of.

29:35Graham Norton:I think a joint bank account is a good idea. Yeah, no, definitely. Where you just, it's all in there. and clearly, like, anonymous feels bad about not earning as much, but you have chosen to live in North Yorkshire. Your husband is happy with that. You are a theatre lecturer who's never going to earn, you know, a vast sum of money. And also, it's not like if this is a joint bank account, this anonymous person is going to go mad and, you know, spend it all on suites and Ferraris. You know,£15 for a haircut.

30:08Maria McErlane:I like the notion of sweets and Ferraris. That's what when you're young and you thought, if I'm rich, I was going to spend all of my first wages on sweets. And I did.

30:19Graham Norton:And still do.

30:22Maria McErlane:Ella in Copenhagen says, my girlfriend and I set up a system when we moved in together four years ago.

30:28Graham Norton:I hope she explains it to us.

30:29Maria McErlane:What do you think? We agreed that personal money is kept on separate accounts.

30:40Graham Norton:Oh, it's a call online. Martin Lewis.

30:44Maria McErlane:But shared expenses like food, rent and bills live on a shared account.

30:48Graham Norton:I mean, if she says so.

30:50Maria McErlane:We also agreed that the amount either of us pay is determined by what we each earn currently. We've got a percentage coming up, Graham. At the moment, I pay roughly 80 % and have absolutely no issue. So, we find this system quite comfortable and frankly, the only fair way to do it. I do think it's a bit worrying that your husband is living this hyacinth bucket lifestyle, bouquet lifestyle, while you opt for cheaper haircuts and charity shops and still feel guilty about going for a massage. Maybe the best advice is to become a lesbian and see how much better life is.

31:23Graham Norton:Now she's talking. That's the sort of advice we're looking for here.

31:25Maria McErlane:We could have done with all of the percentages.

31:28Graham Norton:The percentages are making me think he should just continue to lie. Anything's better than getting a calculator out.

31:36Maria McErlane:Percentages. faithful wanger Luke in Wicklow.

31:39Graham Norton:Oh, he wrote our little jingle. And my weird jingle.

31:44Maria McErlane:Yes. Thank you, Luke. This isn't a dilemma, nor is it about your relationship with your husband. It's about your own relationship with money. Your husband doesn't care about the money. He cares about being lied to by the person he should trust the most. I suggest getting a little therapy to finally convince yourself to let go of the fear around spending money and enjoying yourself. Good. advice there, Luke.

32:08Graham Norton:Yeah, but don't get over the fear too much. Okay. Because you don't want to suddenly go hog wild. Yeah.

32:14Maria McErlane:Ferraris and sweets.

32:15Graham Norton:Yes. Exactly. You don't want your husband to come back and go,

32:18Maria McErlane:Why is his Ferrari

32:20Graham Norton:filled with sweets? And whose Ferrari is it anyway? I won it in a raffle. I had to guess the number of sweets in the Ferrari. And I own it now.

32:34Maria McErlane:Guess the number of sweets in a Ferrari. Come on, write it down. Send it in. Send it in. It's a game show.

32:41Graham Norton:It's a game show.

32:42Maria McErlane:Yeah, and that and just a whole show of penalties. Oh, yes. I think you're cooking this morning on gas.

32:50Graham Norton:Yes. Formats, formats, formats. Any more for any more?

32:53Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. Anthony in Nottingham says, sit down with the husband over a cup of coffee and a plate of his favourite biscuits and explain how you feel. If the husband is a decent guy, I am sure he will be able to reassure you. Sunlight is the best disinfectant and honesty is the best policy. Come on.

33:09Graham Norton:I didn't need honesty is the best policy because I've heard that before, but I love sunshine is the best disinfectant.

33:14Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. Please don't tell any more fibs. It's a slippery slope and lies are the mother of distrust. That sounds like my mum, frankly. But no, the wangers are good, aren't they?

33:26Graham Norton:I love that sunshine is the best disinfectant.

33:29Maria McErlane:That's good.

33:30Graham Norton:You know, just let the light in. Let the light in.

33:33Maria McErlane:Oh my goodness, I'm moved. I am moved by Anthony in Nottingham.

33:36Graham Norton:Okay. Anonymous, thank you so much for trusting us with your problem and hopefully you found some of that advice helpful. And like all Dilemmas, that one came into the show via email, wangingon at listen.co.uk. There you go. That's also the address you use if you'd like to ask the question, am I weird? Am I weird? Courtesy of Luke in Wicklow.

34:01Maria McErlane:Yeah, thank you, Luke. OK, this Am I Weird comes courtesy of Anne in Hammersmith, who says, Hello, Graham and Maria. Love the pod and your ever-judicious advice.

34:12Graham Norton:Hello.

34:13Maria McErlane:Am I word? Am I word?

34:17Graham Norton:Yes.

34:18Maria McErlane:You had one job, Maria. Say the words properly. Am I weird? Were you to delve into my handbag, you would find the usual items, diary, keys, a few cosmetics, phone, etc. But you would also find a sheet of extra strong kitchen foil measuring around 12 inches by 12 inches. Carefully fold it. Love it. This is for when I go to a restaurant and find I have too much usually meat on my plate to finish, despite the meal being delicious. So discreetly, I pop a chicken leg or half of my steak or perhaps a lamb chop but never fish into the foil, wrap it up carefully and put it in my bag ready to go into the fridge when I get home.

34:56Maria McErlane:usually for lunch the following day, Graham. God is in the details. I know many restaurants will put any leftovers in a doggy bag, if you ask them, but this tends to be in a more sizable container and less easily transportable in one's bag. So there you are. Am I weird? Thank you, Anne in Hammersmith. I'm liking hearing about your life, but I think when you say it's less transportable, what they put it in, when you leave a restaurant of an evening, presumably you're going straight home, Maybe in a taxi, maybe driving.

35:27Graham Norton:She might be going clubbing.

35:28Maria McErlane:There's not that far. You don't want a piece of fish in your bag for that long.

35:32Graham Norton:No, no, no.

35:32Maria McErlane:No, no, no.

35:33Graham Norton:That's why, because she's going clubbing.

35:35Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. You don't want a lamb chop.

35:36Graham Norton:Just want to smell the club out. I'll just check my lamb chop into the cloakroom.

35:42Maria McErlane:Have you got a refrigerator? Yeah. Could I put my bag in a fridge?

35:47Graham Norton:It's delicate leather.

35:49Maria McErlane:I don't think Anne is going clubbing after. I don't think there's a clubbing thing.

35:53Graham Norton:But anyway, all I'd say is, as someone who worked in restaurants, love Anne.

35:56Maria McErlane:Oh, you like that?

35:57Graham Norton:Nothing is more annoying when you're a waiter. You go,

35:59Maria McErlane:could I get this wrapped up

36:01Graham Norton:to take away? You know, just eat it, just stupid.

36:05Maria McErlane:Can I just say, Graham, let it go because you're not a waiter anymore. I know,

36:09Graham Norton:but it still irks me.

36:10Maria McErlane:Yeah, but also in the olden days when you were a waiter, doggy bags weren't so prevalent.

36:16Graham Norton:Yeah, but also I think the reason why restaurants put it in a big styrofoam is to shame you. And a big bag is to go, right, you want to go, home, take it home. Yeah, go on then. Yeah.

36:29Maria McErlane:We've got a wheelie bin thing for you. One

36:32Graham Norton:of those granny shopping bags.

36:34Maria McErlane:I did see Taylor Swift and her fiancé Travis Kelsey coming out of a restaurant in New York the other day, a photograph, and they had a doggy bag.

36:42Graham Norton:Really?

36:42Maria McErlane:Yeah. Well, sort of, you know, I mean, I'm sure they were delighted, the restaurant, because it was logoed up, but they had a doggy bag to take home. Right. I suppose she had a lettuce leaf or something, and he obviously had cow pie, and then, can I have some cow pie to go, please? And that's what was in the bloggy package.

37:01Graham Norton:Wow. Good to know.

37:02Maria McErlane:Yeah, good to know. I spend too much time looking at photographs of Taylor Swift, don't I?

37:08Graham Norton:Yeah, talk about, yeah, that's a deep dive to be seen.

37:14Maria McErlane:Why?

37:14Graham Norton:Travis and Taylor carrying takeout. It was relevant to this problem. had they just got takeaway?

37:21Maria McErlane:No, they'd been to a restaurant. I could tell you the restaurant's name if I think about it hard enough.

37:26Graham Norton:Go on, Maria.

37:27Maria McErlane:She calls...

37:28Graham Norton:I can't remember.

37:31Maria McErlane:But anyway, Anne in Hammersmith. Oh, yes.

37:33Graham Norton:Anne in Hammersmith. I love her.

37:34Maria McErlane:Graham thinks it's a good idea. I think it's a good idea too. So I'm going to say no, not weird.

37:41Graham Norton:Not weird at all.

37:43Maria McErlane:But maybe before you go out for dinner, Anne, don't have all those sweets because, you know, it's affected your appetite so you can't finish a whole steak.

37:50Graham Norton:Yes, I must say, like, restaurant portions, particularly these days, they're not that big. No. No. I love it when they are.

37:58Maria McErlane:We don't know where Anne is going for her evening meal.

38:01Graham Norton:I mean, it's a nice meal if I feel slightly sick afterwards. That's a good one. That's a good one, yeah.

38:05Maria McErlane:I don't like that feeling.

38:06Graham Norton:Oh, I love it. Too full. Oh, yeah. Money's worth it.

38:11Maria McErlane:I used to quite like it when I went out for a meal and I had to go home and lie on the floor that I was that full.

38:17Graham Norton:Is that great? I remember once, there was nothing in the house to eat. And there was only potatoes and pasta and a jar of pesto. So I just cooked the pasta and potatoes together. And then when they were done, stirred in some pesto, then esses. And then I had to kind of crawl to bed. I was like that snake that had eaten the hat. I would just lie on the bed to digest a bit. That's a lot of carbs there.

38:43Maria McErlane:But then you see, you like, whenever I come to your house for food, you always do different lots of potatoes. It's a very Irish thing. So you have mash and roast potatoes. Potatoes.

38:55Graham Norton:Potatoes. You're making up for the famine. All this talk of potato is very hungry. We must wrap up this episode of Wanging On. That's it for this week.

39:05Maria McErlane:Yeah, believe it or not, we are not experts on anything, really. So if you need genuine help with any problems, please seek it out from the proper channels. And there's a link in our Instagram bio at wangingon.

39:17Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a platform media production. And due to unprecedented demand, we will be back next week. Till then, goodbye. Goodbye.

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