My Bridesmaid is Too Pretty! Plus: A Dog with a Foot Fetish

6:30Maria McErlane:Still living writer of the year. That would be good. You can enter that. Yeah, good.

6:34Graham Norton:At the moment.

6:35Maria McErlane:Still living writer of just.

6:39Graham Norton:Yes, we're giving this prize as quickly as possible. It could change overnight. Please hurry to the stage. Maria McCurley.

6:48Maria McErlane:How many books have you had to read as a judge on Young Writer of the Year?

6:54Graham Norton:So many, I can't tell you. And it was fiction and non-fiction.

6:57Maria McErlane:Two different categories?

6:59Graham Norton:No, no. All in the one category. Oh, okay. So, yeah. You had to read a lot of books for it. You like reading? No, I do. And actually, what was interesting was, well, two things. Because young people, it turns out, really like writing about young people. So anyone who wrote about anything else, I find myself really enjoying those books more. Because it's weird, because it's not like reading in a way. Because normally, if you just read a book, you either like it or you don't like it. But this, because you're reading so many, you're either liking or not liking a book in relation to the other things you've read.

7:39Graham Norton:if you know what I mean. Yeah, I do. You know, so if I've just read a book about, you know, someone having a tough time at university, when I pick up another book and it's about someone having a tough time at university, you think, oh, for God's sake.

7:50Maria McErlane:But the clue is in, you know, young writer. You know, I know. Because they say, write what you know. Those young people don't know what it's like to be old crones.

8:00Graham Norton:They will. One day they'll be best living writer. Just. Just. But it's barely living writer. Talking of writing, dilemmas ahoy. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtuo Up, the latest in a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense, and taste in every single cup. With a three-second start, easy open lever, and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo up exclusively at Nespresso.com.

9:05Graham Norton:You talking to me? Kayak. Got that right. AI is incredible. It can teach you how to fry an egg and even write a poem, pirate style. But it knows nothing about your work. Slackbot is different. It doesn't just know the facts. It knows your schedule. It can turn a brainstorm into a brief. And it doesn't need to be taught. Because Slackbot isn't just another AI. It's AI that knows your work as well as you do Visit slack.com forward slash meet slackbot to learn more

9:44Graham Norton:Maria, I hear wanging on as quite the social media presence

9:48Maria McErlane:That we do, Graham, on our Instagram page at wanging on We post all manner of clips and dilemmas But what about Facebook? We're there too, Graham Give us a follow But, Maria, if I'm down with a youth and I'm on TikTok... We are there too, Graham. Again, it's wanging on, and we're on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram, whatever your social media platform of choice.

10:13Graham Norton:There really is no escaping us. Maria, please open your first letter.

10:19Maria McErlane:I will.

10:20Graham Norton:Oh, nice stationery.

10:21Maria McErlane:Thank you very much. I made it myself. Okay.

10:25Graham Norton:Busy, busy, busy. I know.

10:27Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, I am recently engaged and very excited to start the planning. I'm currently choosing bridesmaids. They consist of my nearest and dearest friends, who I've known for years. There are six ushers, so I should have, or I could have, six bridesmaids. I'm currently at five. My fiancé has said, maybe think about filling the sixth gap so it's all matchy-matchy. Why are you doing that face? We'll talk about it later. Okay. The only person I could think of is my cousin. We practically grew up together. I have remained close and we get along incredibly well. I absolutely adore her.

11:04Maria McErlane:All the evidence says bridesmaids. The issue is that she is very pretty. Very pretty. Extremely pretty. I would say I have a normal level of self-confidence in my looks. However, this cousin is gorgeous. Anyone would feel fat and ugly next to her. Not a statement, just a fact. She's a cross between Bridget Bardot and Grace Kelly, and tall and slender. On top of that, she's a lovely person. I know in my heart of hearts I just have to get over it, and after all, it is my wedding, and I won't think about any of this on the day. However, I'm also concerned that my other bridesmaids may feel insecure and I want them to enjoy themselves as much as possible.

11:49Maria McErlane:This will be particularly important when it comes to the bridesmaid dress fitting, which could be a minefield. One bridesmaid has already seen a picture of this cousin and has asked not to stand next to her in pictures. Said as a joke, but you could tell she meant it. Should I just get over myself and make her a bridesmaid or shall I be incredibly vain and not make her one? Kind regards, Anonymous. Oh, Anonymous, get over yourself. I'm really appalled that you should be thinking I'm not going to make her a bridesmaid because she's so pretty. I mean, you know, prettiness or ugliness, whatever, it's just, you know, it's a clash of genetic material, basically.

12:34Maria McErlane:It's not her fault. I can't even believe that you're actually thinking You love her. She's your favourite person. You grow up together. But you're thinking about not letting him be a bridesmaid because she's too gorgeous. This is Love Island madness.

12:49Graham Norton:I felt like really anonymous should be marrying her cousin. She seemed keener on her than anyone else.

12:57Maria McErlane:I mean, the prescriptiveness of this wedding, the six ushers and the six bridesmaids, it's already giving me kind of breaks.

13:03Graham Norton:I'm slightly freaked out by the whole... And also the fact that she's just loving the planning and, you know, which is good. Look, it's got to be your wedding and you are going to enjoy it, whatever. And you're right. Except if this is in your head now, I think on the day, every time you hear someone, oh, doesn't your cousin look lovely? It will be like a knife in your heart.

13:25Maria McErlane:No one says that on a bride's day. They don't say, doesn't that bridesmaid look lovely? She's really overshadowed the bride. No, no one will say that. But that's what she'll hear. But if you don't let her be a bridesmaid, Anonymous, you're going to think all day, I am so vain and horrible and self-absorbed that I wouldn't let my, you know, who I grew up with, who I love and adore because she's too pretty and too slender and a cross between Brigitte Bardot and Roland Ratt.

13:54Graham Norton:A point of order.

13:56Maria McErlane:Yeah, go on.

13:57Graham Norton:Do make her a bridesmaid because if she's not a bridesmaid, she'll look even prettier because she'll have chosen her own dress. and she'll look amazing at the wedding. Whereas this way, you can control it anonymous by putting her in something that doesn't suit her.

14:13Maria McErlane:Why are you joining in with this?

14:16Graham Norton:You're so horrible. I'm not horrible. She's a bridesmaid now.

14:19Maria McErlane:Why would you do that? She's a bridesmaid now.

14:21Graham Norton:She just hates her dress.

14:22Maria McErlane:No, so basically we've got to undermine her because she's so pretty and so slim.

14:28Graham Norton:All the bridesmaids are wearing balaclavas.

14:33Maria McErlane:I think I don't even know you what have you done with Graham Norton

14:37Graham Norton:look I think the problem is there are too many bridesmaids is the point well it's too late now I mean you'd have six bridesmaids like that is six dresses it's just it's insanity but anyway this is what you want I think you have to let the pretty person be a bridesmaid thank you for a reason

14:57Maria McErlane:finally showing up because you can't... I just feel this whole thing about beauty and how people look. You know, you've got confidence, Anonymous. You're getting married to the man you love. Everybody is different. But the photographs will last a lifetime. I'm really speechless on this one.

15:16Graham Norton:With people looking at the pictures going, ooh, who's she?

15:18Maria McErlane:Yeah.

15:19Graham Norton:And they're not pointing at you.

15:21Maria McErlane:Yeah, and in the fullness of time, your husband will go off with her.

15:25Graham Norton:And then you'll have something to cry about. Yeah.

15:28Maria McErlane:Then you can moan about how pretty she was.

15:30Graham Norton:Yeah, with six big dresses in your wardrobe.

15:35Maria McErlane:It's so many dresses. Look, people like to do a big wedding, don't they? They like to do a big wedding and it's going to, the first, the only time you're ever going to get married, dream on, you know. I'm guessing Anonymous is going to have at least three under her belt by the time she's 30. How old is Anonymous? I don't know, she doesn't say. But we cannot live in this world where pretty people are being discriminated against. I know pretty people get a lot of things, you know, handed to them on a plate. But it's not her fault. You can't discriminate on somebody who you love and adore or you profess to.

16:13Maria McErlane:And then you say in the next sentence, I'm not going to let her be my bridesmaid.

16:17Graham Norton:Well, no, she's not saying that. She's just conflicted. She's just conflicted. And I get, can you not accept that she's conflicted? You're allowed to be conflicted.

16:25Maria McErlane:Momentarily, but not in as much as you write to us about it.

16:29Graham Norton:But also she chose, listen, here's the thing. If I don't, what I don't quite understand is how this person, who's so amazing and so close to you, isn't in the top five. That's the odd thing.

16:41Maria McErlane:I think that's the reason because she, you know, she's gone, I must find at least five people without having to resort to her. And now the husband has said, oh, you might as well have six because there's six ushers.

16:51Graham Norton:Can I just say she's marrying the right man who's encouraging her to have another bridesmaid. That's incredible.

16:57Maria McErlane:I feel sorry for him, frankly.

16:58Graham Norton:I feel sorry for everyone.

17:01Maria McErlane:Shall we see what people say?

17:02Graham Norton:The good thing is we're not going. Okay, let's find out what the wangers have to say.

17:06Maria McErlane:I'm really appalled by that letter.

17:08Graham Norton:Yeah. I'm with you, Anonymous.

17:11Maria McErlane:Okay.

17:13Graham Norton:Find out when she's booked a holiday and then have the wedding then.

17:18Maria McErlane:Catherine says, Oh, it's just the bridesmaids being insecure. Ha, ha, ha. Nobody wants to be overshadowed by a pretty bridesmaid. I think that's why brides go out of their way to sabotage bridesmaids by picking unflattering dresses. What the hay? An easy fix. Find a relative or friend's daughter to be a flower girl or junior bridesmaid to fill the sixth spot. Catherine, no.

17:39Graham Norton:Have you ever been a bridesmaid? No.

17:41Maria McErlane:Well, now you see. I'm too pretty and slim.

17:44Graham Norton:See? See? Hey, guess what? Yeah. Kelly is going to speak to us using her own human voice.

17:53Maria McErlane:Wow. My main issue here, and not actually your dilemma, is the fact that you're contemplating six ushers and six bridesmaids. Six. That's 12 people. At that point, it's going to stop being matchy-matchy and start being the sound of music. So long, farewell, off we just say an adieu. Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. Enough now.

18:23Graham Norton:Thank you, Kelly. I feel like Elaine Page. I'm Annie Oakley with the Stratford Players.

18:31Maria McErlane:I like the small groan at the end. It's like, I can't take that back now.

18:35Graham Norton:Yeah, I've done it now. It's recorded. You could have sent it again. Thank you for your singing, Kelly. And also, I feel Kelly has a serious point. because, you know, the pictures are going to take forever. But this is not the dilemma. And the families aren't even in the pictures yet.

18:56Maria McErlane:Not your wedding. Who are the six stupid ushers?

18:59Graham Norton:Not your monkeys. Who are the six stupid ushers? Yeah. Oh, and which of them gets goddess?

19:06Maria McErlane:Yeah.

19:07Graham Norton:Yeah.

19:07Maria McErlane:Well, I think they should have a sweepstake for that, you know. All those matches, tiny matches, bigger matches, all of that. Anyway, Dave in Brighton says he's a regular wanger. Even if she is Pippa Middleton, she's there to make you look good, not to upstage you. You must trust her or you wouldn't consider her in the first place. All eyes will be on the bride on your special day. So, yes, get over yourself and make a joke out of it, if anything. Even if she's not a bridesmaid, she'll be there anyway. Do you really want her wondering why she wasn't asked? Dave, thank you for being on my side.

19:41Graham Norton:And here's the thing. It is interesting. I'd forgotten the Pippa Middleton moment. I mean, and that's, you know, the biggest wedding in the world. All eyes are on you. And Pippa Middleton, everyone was going, ooh, who's she? Pippa Middleton.

19:53Maria McErlane:It was her bottom, I believe. Yes, it was, yes.

19:55Graham Norton:Because she bent over to fix the veil or something. She was doing her job. And there's only one, actually, that's because Pippa Middleton kind of stood out because she was right there. Whereas if there'd been a gang of them, you mightn't have noticed her so much. So, yeah, disguise pretty cousin with your gaggle of ugly friends.

20:15Maria McErlane:The other five ugly bridesmaids. Yeah.

20:18Graham Norton:One of these bridesmaids is not like the other. We all know songs, Kelly.

20:23Maria McErlane:We all know songs. Well done. Raj says, it's your wedding and you're totally entitled to choose who does what. If your future husband seeks symmetry, just ask him to get rid of one guy from his lineup. Go on, be the bridezilla. I think everyone is missing the point here.

20:41Graham Norton:I love, people are really invested in this. Vanny has also sent in a voice note. Here we go.

20:45Maria McErlane:It's very simple. It's your wedding. You need to feel confident and gorgeous going in that day. So you don't need to get over yourself. Just don't have her as a bridesmaid. It sounds like people will notice her anyway, so you don't need to do anything extra for that. And you know what? Having five bridesmaids is totally fine. It doesn't need to be matchy-matchy. Life is all about things that are different.

21:05Graham Norton:But not too different. Not too pretty. Not different in a beautiful way. Any more for any more?

21:15Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah. Maria in South London. Not me. Says, having been a bridesmaid six times, I have no doubt...

21:21Graham Norton:Wow, it's really not from you.

21:25Maria McErlane:Having been a bridesmaid six times, I have no doubt this is a problem my friends have had. Jokes aside, the simple solution is something I've had to grapple with many times. An unflattering bridesmaid dress, decent enough to look good in your photos, but not her normal style. or make her get into hair and makeup first at 6am so then it's a pain to keep tidy or just suck it up and enjoy the day. You're the one getting married after all. Basically, she's trying to sabotage the pretty one. That's what Maria in South London is saying. So her makeup is running and in a bustle.

21:59Graham Norton:And the thing is you can't sabotage the pretty one because even if you put her in an awful dress, people will go, wow, you look really good in that dress.

22:06Maria McErlane:Despite that dress. Yeah.

22:07Graham Norton:And the other price points will then be in matching, terrible. Then make them look even worse. So, yeah, there's no way around this. The bottom line is, you know, I get your thing that, oh, why should she be punished for being pretty? But I think the thing that's coming through all of these responses is it is this woman's wedding day. She can do what she likes. You know, you can invite who you want. You can not invite who you want. You can have 12 bridesmaids. You can have one. You can have none. So the important thing is that you feel comfortable. I think the guilt of not having this cousin outweighs...

22:47Maria McErlane:Who you've grown up with, who you love and adore.

22:49Graham Norton:And I think it outweighs your insecurity. Yeah. So on the day, I think better to feel... And also, look, in the end, your pictures will be nicer because she's in them.

23:00Maria McErlane:Who's that pretty girl amongst all the other mingos?

23:04Graham Norton:Maybe also get a basket of kittens just to try and cheer the pictures up.

23:09Maria McErlane:I think Graham is right. You will feel this is something that you will remember forever. And if you don't do the right thing and also, you know, give this girl who is your favorite and you love her and she's lovely on the inside and on the out. What is she going to think? Why aren't I a bridesmaid?

23:25Graham Norton:Yeah, we have a huge response to this from the Wangers. And if you'd like to get involved, you can just go down to the comments. What do you think? Should this bride cut her beautiful cousin out of the wedding party or include her? Let us know. And in an instant, we'll be back with our second dilemma of the day. This episode is sponsored by TV Licensing. Maria, I am slightly obsessed by The Summit. Have you seen The Summit?

23:52Maria McErlane:I have not seen The Summit. What is it and who presents it?

23:55Graham Norton:It's so... So it's Ben Shepard, and he's bringing these people to the top of this mountain. And it's in New Zealand. The reason I knew about it was when I was in New Zealand. Did I mention I was in New Zealand?

24:10Graham Norton:When I was in New Zealand, oh, it was all they could talk about. I mean, Brad Pitt was there filming some movie with a dog, but no, Ben Shepard and the Mountain, that's where they wanted to talk, because they couldn't believe.

24:19Maria McErlane:Some movie with a dog, I want to hear about that now.

24:20Graham Norton:Oh, well, I'll tell you about that. Another time. That's another time. That's a story for a different time.

24:25Maria McErlane:But Ben Shepard is very fit, so he can get up the mountain.

24:27Graham Norton:Oh, he's skipping up the mountain.

24:28Maria McErlane:Real people, not so much.

24:30Graham Norton:I mean, no one's Ben Shepard. I mean, protein bars up the wazoo. That's not a good place to put a protein bar. Yeah, he's like a gazelle up that mountain, but everyone else very hard. And people in New Zealand were so impressed because it is a properly difficult mountain. What are you watching?

24:48Maria McErlane:I am watching Formula One because I have been a Formula One fan since about the 1990s when I had a boyfriend who was a driver, not in Formula One, obviously. No, just had a car. Just had a car, yes. Go faster, stripes. But also when I went to Silverstone to the actual Formula One. Oh, did you? With said go fastest right boyfriend. I mean, it is very noisy. Of course, everybody has to wear ear defenders. And the drivers are probably not much bigger than that. I'm just holding up my thumb and forefinger. Oh, yeah. They're really titchy.

25:20Graham Norton:Well, look, a TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk slash pod. Maria.

25:34Maria McErlane:Yes.

25:35Graham Norton:Word has reached me. You've got a second letter. I have.

25:38Maria McErlane:I hope it's not as contentious as the first.

25:40Graham Norton:The one with two on it.

25:42Maria McErlane:Okay. My best man is far too pretty. Dear Graham and Maria, I have a problem colleague at work who touches me inappropriately, but not in that way.

25:54Graham Norton:Read on.

25:55Maria McErlane:When I was new to the office, this woman committed me to lunch daily with the questions she asked. It was like the Spanish Inquisition, although that at least had the prospect of ending in death. I like this person. Yeah, I do too. She's so nosy, but I'm quite dull, so she eventually lost interest in me. This was all fine until recently when she was moved beside me. I wear headphones so that when working, I can avoid her questions and do my job. So, to get my attention, she now touches me across the ribs. Not a one-finger jab, but a slow four-finger side-on pat. This has happened about twice daily for a number of weeks.

26:35Maria McErlane:It gets more uncomfortable. I went for coffee with colleagues and she said something aimed at me, then a hand slid between the chair and me and across my lower back, in a way that I would expect from a companion of the intimate variety. She lingered for maybe two seconds and it caught the eye of my colleagues. How do I diplomatically end this? I clench my fists, tense up and recoil from her whenever she does it. So a hint is not enough. I have very conspicuously said I have a boyfriend. I am not a touchy-feely person. Uncomfortably yours, touched but not in that way. Well, anonymous person with a boyfriend, touched but not in that way.

27:18Maria McErlane:I think you are being touched in that way. I think this is inappropriate touching, however it is. You know, when you say not in that way, you mean in a sexual way. It's still inappropriate. This is still your space and And she is invading your space and touching you when you don't want to be touched. I just think you have to say to her, I have asked you not to do that touching thing. I'm really sensitive. You know, you have to make it a serious thing, not make a joke of it. Because it's annoying you so much so that you've written to us. I know. And God knows. What do we know about anything? Nothing.

27:54Maria McErlane:HRs or HR. I know. We never worked in offices. But no, I think you have to say this is not what I want from you.

28:04Graham Norton:Yes, I think whatever you've said so far has not been enough because it's still going on. The good thing is a colleague has now witnessed it. So whatever she says next, it has to be very direct. And, you know, it can't be open to interpretation. It can't be going, I don't, you know, I don't enjoy that. I'm not touching feet. All of those, you just need to be kind of going, this isn't good. and look, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want to have to talk to HR or whatever. So if you could stop.

28:35Maria McErlane:I mean, you're assuming that this is a woman. It could be she says, she or he says, I have a boyfriend. So, but either way, whatever, whether you're a woman or a man, this is inappropriate.

28:45Graham Norton:And we don't know. I mean, the thing is, I think there's a slight, towards the end, we get a slight hint that maybe they're beginning to think it is a sexual thing. But we don't know that. It could just be this woman has no boundaries and doesn't quite understand that you shouldn't do this. You would think in 2026, working in an office, you would know you can't just slide your hand around people and everyone think it's going to be a good thing.

29:13Maria McErlane:Any touching is inappropriate if it's unwanted. And it's clearly unwanted. And so, you know, you have to be very, very clear to her and say, no, this is not going to happen anymore. We can't have this. You don't want to involve HR. No, no, and I think you could say that.

29:32Graham Norton:I don't want to involve HR.

29:33Maria McErlane:But I don't know if you should even mention HR.

29:35Graham Norton:Oh, take a joke. Well, no, because I think you have to up the stakes here. Because, you know, they're saying they have said, I have a boyfriend, they have said, I'm not touchy. They've made it clear they don't like it, and it's still happening.

29:50Maria McErlane:No, by making it clear, it's clenching fists and tensing, which has not made a difference.

29:55Graham Norton:No, no, but they've said these things.

29:56Maria McErlane:Said, I've got a boyfriend, and clenching and tensing up. That's all that's happened thus far. Oh, so she hasn't said, I'm not a touchy-feely person. This is all that's happened. This, watch. Touch. I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. And I'm really happy about it. And I've got clinked fists at the moment. So, yes, be clear. This is not amusing to you. This is not wanted. You must make this woman stop. And if you don't shut it down now, it's just going to go on forever. It's a sort of bullying thing. It's very passive-aggressive to touch somebody when they don't want it. It's a power move, isn't it?

30:38Graham Norton:It's kind of like I own you. And it's kind of going back to the fact that she insisted on having lunch with you every day, which is a kind of a similar move in a way.

30:47Maria McErlane:I'm just wanting to find out everything about you and then moving into the chair next to you even though you have headphones on. This has to be stopped really now because it will escalate. Do you think some of the Wang gang have a job? I really hope so.

31:00Graham Norton:Some of them have been in an office once.

31:03Maria McErlane:Here we go. Chris says, I would say next time it happens, loudly and over the top, oh, you're very handsy and then calmly say, please respect my personal space. I don't like that. I'm not a touchy-feely person. If they don't listen, well, it's time to set up the hidden cameras and head straight to HR with the roaming hands footage. Then the last time they touch you will be the hug goodbye when they get fired. Let's not go to the fired quite yet, but I do think it's quite good to say something, you know, audibly so that the rest of the office, I'm imagining open plan here, Graham. Yeah, interesting.

31:40Maria McErlane:Most of the office can hear so that, you know, you have witnesses here.

31:45Graham Norton:Also, I would say hidden camera, not a good idea because then you will be fired.

31:48Maria McErlane:Why? For hiding a camera.

31:50Graham Norton:For filming people without their permission.

31:52Maria McErlane:Yeah. Just saying. Yeah, it's good. Nick says.

31:55Graham Norton:You could both get fired and then have different jobs in different places and no more touching.

31:59Maria McErlane:Maybe you could get together and get the same job. Nick says, my advice, stop wearing deodorant. Come on, Nick. Stop wearing deodorant. Eat lots of beans to encourage the breaking of wind. within a few days, she'll move on to someone else sorted.

32:11Graham Norton:I wonder if Sam's got something more sensible to say. Let's listen to Sam. I think man or woman, if she's making you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to tell her to back off. But I'm reading into the question. You say you're not interesting and you mention your boyfriend. Is he real? Or are you doing anything to lead her on for a bit of the tension? Maybe you're loving the chase. So I'm curious. I love that Sam has gone deep on the question. because what I liked at the beginning of the letter was, you know, the jokey thing about the Spanish Inquisition. And so I think she was joking when she was saying, I'm not very interesting.

32:47Graham Norton:Don't you?

32:47Maria McErlane:I don't think that's what's in question here.

32:49Graham Norton:No, but she did bring it up that like, she stopped having lunch with me because I'm so dull. Yeah. But I think that was a kind of a self-deprecating joke. I don't think she really believes that. No. Do you think there is a boyfriend? I don't think it matters. No, no, it doesn't matter. I just wondered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Sam was interested.

33:04Maria McErlane:I'm sorry, I don't mean to close you down. No, no, close me down. But shut up. Whatever, you know, whether she's fascinating or not, whether she has a boyfriend or it's made up, somebody is still doing something. But what he was saying is that you're leading her on.

33:18Graham Norton:Which I don't think that's true because she's managed to shut down the lunches successfully. Yeah. So actually, as bad as the touching is, they're better than lunch.

33:27Maria McErlane:That lasts an hour.

33:28Graham Norton:Yeah.

33:28Maria McErlane:Rachel says, In my 52 years of experience, I've discovered that if something really irritates me about someone, it's likely others have been irritated by the same thing as well. It may not be the first time she'll be hearing this and you absolutely need to tell her that you like your personal space and don't like being touched. What's the worst that can happen? You lose someone who you don't want as a friend anyway.

33:52Graham Norton:I like Rachel.

33:53Maria McErlane:I think Rachel is wise in your 52 years of experience. You have gained wisdom, Rachel. She has. Yeah.

33:59Graham Norton:I mean, it's taken 52 years, but finally the penny's dropped.

34:02Maria McErlane:Sherry says, I would simply say to her, I should have said this when we first met, but I really dislike being touched. I hope you can respect my boundaries. If she does not respond well to this or ignores your request, then I would go to HR. Well, there's a lot of, you know, say it and then go to HR.

34:19Graham Norton:Yes, but also, can I just say, I think, Sherry, the word boundaries is very good.

34:24Maria McErlane:To use?

34:25Graham Norton:To use, because it sounds semi-official. It sounds like a written warning. Yeah. boundaries. I like it.

34:32Maria McErlane:The other thing you could do is wrap yourself in barbed wire and go to work like that and say, are you getting the message now, lady? Too much? People do that in offices anymore? I don't know.

34:45Graham Norton:They so rarely do.

34:46Maria McErlane:In the 70s, that's what we did for handsy directors.

34:51Graham Norton:Touched wherever you are in the world, hopefully you'll manage to diffuse the situation. Thank you for sharing your dilemma. Now, Time for Am I Weird? Maria.

35:02Maria McErlane:Yes, I do have one that I'm just doing newsreaders.

35:06Graham Norton:The format remains intact.

35:08Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Linda, who is down under in Padstow, Sydney, Australia.

35:15Graham Norton:I was there last year, seven weeks. Did you have a nice time? I was really good fun.

35:20Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird that I let my dog lick my toes? Phew. Nobody knew how that was going to go.

35:29Graham Norton:Yeah, really. That was a, ooh, high stakes.

35:33Maria McErlane:When watching the telly, if I'm wearing socks, my dog will consistently tap my feet until I give in and take off my socks so that he can get to my toes for a good lick. My partner thinks it's weird and disgusting, but maybe he is jealous because it's only my feet that my dog wants to lick.

35:52Graham Norton:I mean, I wouldn't be jealous because, particularly your dog wants to lick your feet because they're the sweaty, smelly ones.

35:58Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think that's the thing, Linda, is that, you know, salty sweat.

36:01Graham Norton:Yeah.

36:02Maria McErlane:And also I think there's something, it's a bit like the last problem, sort of ownership about somebody when they want to... I mean, I had Dolly, who was a real licker of faces, which was horrible. But this new one that I have, I say new, three years old, Raffi. Raffi, who's normally here, but is busy having a manicure. Regular wanger as well. Manicure. It does like a bit of a toe lick.

36:26Graham Norton:Bailey used to like licking just that bit of your elbow. Sweaty bit again. Yeah, just there. Yeah. So I think basically what Linda is saying is that her feet honk. She's got really, I mean, I imagine, fungus and go-go.

36:42Maria McErlane:No, they don't swell.

36:44Graham Norton:Well, they don't because happily the dog's the closest to a wash they get. It's very warm in Sydney. Oh, I forgot that, yeah. She's wearing socks in hot weather.

36:55Maria McErlane:Yeah, why aren't you wearing your thongs, Linda?

36:59Graham Norton:A stylish sandal, Linda.

37:01Maria McErlane:A croc, maybe.

37:02Graham Norton:They're quite sweaty.

37:03Maria McErlane:Dare I say. Not the ones without the furry bits.

37:06Graham Norton:Yeah, no, I like the fleece. I like the fleece. You like the fleece.

37:09Maria McErlane:Let's not go back to the croc argument. But anyway, Linda, I don't think it matters really. It's kind of, you don't want to encourage it in company.

37:18Graham Norton:It's also, when Bailey was the dog that I've had who wanted to do it the most, and it gets to a point where it's not, you say, oh, stop it. just stop you know because in the end you're watching telly whatever and you just let the dog get on with whatever they're doing so long as it's not kind of chewing through the wall or chewing through the wires on your telly but it gets to a point where it's just oh get off me stop it so it's weird that Linda just lets the dog do it for hours

37:45Maria McErlane:if they could just go and then stop but it is kind of constant

37:50Graham Norton:but also like what does she do for a living does she kind of you know tread sausage meat like why is the dog why is the dog tapping her sock like what is so delicious it's in there I tread sausage meat for a living yeah you know sausage meat yeah

38:07Maria McErlane:I tread that yeah

38:08Graham Norton:they get it all soft and smashy it's me I do that I roll my trousers up and in I go

38:14Maria McErlane:I have to keep my feet very clean but luckily I've got a dog gets under the nails and everything yes

38:22Graham Norton:health and safety gone mad

38:25Maria McErlane:I tread sausage meat for a living. I'm going to actually say that next time somebody says, what do you do for a living?

38:30Graham Norton:I say, I tread sausage meat. Linda, Linda, Linda. You're not particularly weird and your dog certainly isn't weird.

38:38Maria McErlane:No, your dog is normal and natural. I think it's not something you want to encourage.

38:43Graham Norton:Or tell people.

38:44Maria McErlane:Or tell people.

38:45Graham Norton:Because clearly, I mean, it's no accident the dog is tapping your foot and not your partner's. Yeah.

38:52Maria McErlane:It doesn't mean stinky, it just means sweaty. and it doesn't start to stink for a while after you get a sweaty foot.

38:58Graham Norton:You've noticed.

39:01Maria McErlane:I can report for the front line of sweatiness. I pay close attention to personal hygiene. I mean, if your dog was kind of delving into your shoe, then that would be a kind of smelly problem, wouldn't it? It would be like in smell. But he likes sweat and it's he or she likes sweat and it's you and it likes your scent and all of those things that make you feel kind of affectionate towards your dog.

39:25Graham Norton:What are we saying? Linda, is she weird or not? Not weird. I'm saying not weird, but have a word with yourself. At a wash.

39:34Maria McErlane:Get a new job. Sausage meat stamper is not for you.

39:39Graham Norton:Not with the dog in the house. On that note, we end this week's Wanging On. If you'd like to get in touch for a future episode with an Am I Weird or a Dilemma, all you need to do is email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk.

39:53Maria McErlane:And if you need our Instagram, you can find us at wangingon. And that's where you'll find links to proper advice because Graham and I don't know very much, do we?

40:04Graham Norton:That is true. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production.

40:08Maria McErlane:See you next week, everyone.

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