My Husband Sleeps Naked... From The Waist Down?!

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0:59Winnie the Pooh happily as a children's character does not have a ****. No, no. But does it just does it just thoughtfully scrubbing original original drawings really massive ****. Have you seen an episode of Vera?

1:15Maria McErlane:You can't get a thing past her. No. She's all over everything. As you read that first line I started to drift off. I can see you drifting off. Tennis, have you? Huh?

1:35Well, let the bells ring out, rejoice. It's time for another edition of Wanging On. That is Maria over there. I'm Graham Norton, and for the next half hour or so, we're dishing out dubious advice. That's about the size of it.

1:48Maria McErlane:Yes, I'm Maria McCurley, and should anyone wish to book me? I thought I heard you doing an ad the other day. Yeah, really? Yeah, I was in the back of a cab, and I said to my husband, is that Maria? And he went, no, get your ears tested. Oh. Yeah, rude. It's probably AI. Oh, do you think? It's probably someone who bought the Eurotrash back catalogue and have fed you into a computer. Ah, yes. Do you know what the other day I had to do for my book, which is hopefully coming out soon? They asked me to do like the biog, and then a brief precy, and then a longer precy, and then where would I sit on the shelf?

2:24Maria McErlane:Other authors that might be similar, and who would I appeal to? What did you say, Jane Eyre? No, I tell you what I did. I put Jane Eyre. Very good. I put the entire 105 ,000 words into AI, which was stupid because they'll probably publish it now before me. Yes, you did just give your book to AI. I know, but... What did AI come back on? Oh, some twaddle. You know me so well. No, but like, what did... No, it came back with a list of people where I'm similar to, one of which was Lissa Evans, our old friend who used to produce. Yes, old baggage, etc. And a boy called Ove, which I never read, but that.

3:08Maria McErlane:And a couple of other authors. But was it able to do a pracy of the story? No, I pracyed it myself. Oh, okay. But I just put it through AI so that it could find out similar authors. And what did it, I mean, and you agreed with what it said? I did kind of agree. And also the really irritating thing, which made me go, AI is so frightening, is it took like eight minutes for it to digest 105 ,000 words and produce a list of similar authors or where it would sit. Apparently, it will sit in high-end book clubs. Oh, nice. We love a high-end book club. And women's literary fiction. Literary fiction. Well, they put that.

3:48Maria McErlane:I think it was just trying to... Oh, AI knows what it's saying. Also, I'm so, this is so new to me, I'm frightened by it. Yes, but then you are engaging with it. I know. Why did you? Because I wouldn't even know how to do what you did. Okay, well, I didn't do it. My friend did it. Oh, now truth will out. Was it a younger friend? Yes. My friend said, I said, how will I find out who's similar to me in the writing department? And he said, put it into a chat GBT or, you know, Claude, as is the case. and they'll tell you. He'll tell you. Wow. He's got a relationship, though, with Claude because we were doing something else.

4:26Maria McErlane:And Claude said to him, I see that you live in Hastings. Nice kitchen, by the way. Oh, Claude? I know. Yeah. I mean, that's not right, is it? This is the future, Graham. Yeah. We were asking... We'll have Claude. We'll be sitting in for your show. Please. We were... What were we asking? it, something about how to get somewhere in Ireland. Well, AI doesn't know how to pronounce a single Irish place. I like that about it, though. I do like that. Yeah. Well, I corrected it every time. And each time I went, thanks. Thanks. Thanks for letting me know. Thank you. I'll update that. Thank you very much.

5:03Maria McErlane:Is your partner, husband, better at kind of claudy technology than you. I mean, better, I feel, is an understatement. Like, is able. Yeah, yeah. Can, let's say. But presumably you have it on your computer or your phone or something. Well, you know, now Google is ChatGTB. Of course it is. And it is good, but it's not that much better. You know, in the old Google, all the results would show up. I would just have to sift through them and do it myself. Now it sifts through them and does that little paragraph with some highlighted bits. And you go, fair enough. So that has been useful. But again, you know, other things, more kind of interesting things.

5:46If you go down the results, you do find things that are more interesting or just, you know.

5:52Maria McErlane:So it's good. But now kids at school are doing, using ChatDpt for their homework, for all the research. It does make you think, don't make them go to school. well I think a lot of parents listening to this will be going oh what a great idea yeah yeah but also why are you going to school because what job are you going to get because clearly this fucking thing can do it all you know it can't sweep up and it can't do woodwork ah yeah it can probably print out a program for you to follow for the woodwork no but I think the big growth hairdressing I'll never be able to do hairdressing yeah what else can't it do It can't do plastering.

6:33You've got to say funeral director.

6:34Maria McErlane:No, I say few that it can't do hairdressing. I thought you said funeral directing. It can't do that either. I probably could. How? Oh, they were lovely, weren't they? You need boots on the ground to carry that thing. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm sure you get a little machine. One of those little robots. You just hope it doesn't fall over. You get 50 pounds from your head on the night. The little robot will say, grandad was a lovely person. He's a bit fatter than we expected. It's heavy. Weight inaccurate. Knees buckling. Dying now. Put me in with grandad. Batteries worn out. Somehow there's something very sad about a dying robot, isn't there?

7:24Maria McErlane:Do you remember those kind of sci-fi programs of our youth where... Yes. I think there was one called Lost in Space. Do you remember that? Oh, yes, I remember that. Yes, we had Hoover attachments for arms. It wasn't very high tech. Yes. You were like, I could probably make that in the garage. Give me 20 minutes and my mother's Hoover. I can make that. But there was something very sad about that. It was a mournful voice. And occasionally, I don't know, it had a catchphrase, didn't it? Danger. Danger. Danger, yeah. I experience that feeling every day when I look at my phone and it goes red, goes 20 % and then goes 10%.

8:01Maria McErlane:You know you have to let it go all the way down to zero. Do you? Yeah, before you charge it. Why? You're messing with your battery. Oh, I don't believe any of that. Okay. I don't. Because it's a battery. What does it know? It's, you know, it's not thinking, oh, I wouldn't do that if I was you. Don't top me up yet. You know what I'm like. I've got googly eyes on my battery. So I can treat it as a person. Yeah. I'm not ready to be talked. He doesn't like that. He doesn't like it. No. Give it, give it. Wait to 5%. Then he's ready. He's ready. Maria, this will not do. I was talking about AI. We are two people.

8:46Maria McErlane:I-A. We are. I-I. E-I. E-I-O. All I know is these letters need people to open them and people to give advice. And we're going to do that very quickly. Gray roots entering the chat? Uninvited? Garnier's got you. Garnier Color Sensation Root Retouch covers up to 100 % of grays in just 10 minutes. No ammonia, no mess, and the color lasts up to four weeks. It's as easy to apply as shampoo. Plus, it's vegan and cruelty-free. 10 minutes. Sensational color. Sensational price. With those savings, your next girls' night is basically free. Find your perfect match at Walmart.com or at a store near you. Evening.

9:29Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana.

9:54Maria McErlane:Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. soon.

10:27Maria McErlane:Now! Using your human hand to pick up the envelope. She's done it, goddammit. Oh, has she? These problems will not solve themselves. I am going to start putting them to AI, though. Actually, we should do a special AI edition. That's so exciting. Then we'll quit. We'll just go, oh, actually, that is very good advice. Yeah. Okay. No, but we want fallibility, which we both have. We really do.

10:58Maria McErlane:Anyway, shush. Dear Graham and Maria, we are a gay male couple in our 50s living in Spain. Whenever we go back to the UK, usually for Christmas, we always stay with my parents in my childhood home. My parents are both in their late 80s and they couldn't be more welcoming. However, after a few days, we start to struggle. The house is 300 degrees at night and then my mum likes to open every window, so it's freezing during the day. We have to watch Foil's War or Vera every night at full volume, and we all share one bathroom. We would much rather stay nearby in an Airbnb, but how do we do that without hurting their feelings?

11:41Maria McErlane:My parents have spent the last 10 years sleeping in separate rooms, and when we go back, they have to share just to accommodate us, so it would benefit them, but I know they would be offended if we stayed elsewhere. Any suggestions? And that is from Anonymous in case they watch, which they won't unless you're on UK Gold. Just started on UK Gold, yeah. They've just bought us for 14 pence. On Challenge TV also, we're on Challenge TV. And the ironically titled Living TV. Look, Anonymous. This is difficult, isn't it? It's hard. Oh, you think it's easy. It's not difficult. You come back for Christmas and these your mum and dad aren't going to be around forever and there will come a time when you long to watch foil i'm going to get emotional when you long to watch foil's war or vera and have 300 degree you know these are the things that your parents who brought you up and looked after you and made you who you are did for you and this is how they choose to live their life does it cost you so much.

12:51Maria McErlane:And also, I rather like the fact that they sleep alone most of the time. But when you come, they sleep together. And there's something kind of rather nice about that and fitting because the boy's here with his husband and you know, so I just think, suck it up. This is kind of how they've chosen to live their life. And you have a great relationship with them. Don't spoil it by saying we're going to stay in an Airbnb. They look forward to your visits and to you staying there and to you saying constantly, mum, it's freezing in here or mum, it's boiling in here, or we've seen this episode of Foil's Walk.

13:28Maria McErlane:You know, this is what you have to do. And they've been great with you. And I think you just need to be great with them. Yeah, I sort of think if you were going to do something about this, you needed to do it 10 years ago, because they're in their late 80s now, you know, they're not going to be in this house for that much longer. You know, we don't have much longer to live. But you know, one of the things is, you know, you coming to stay, it makes them feel like nothing's changed. We're still who we are. We're still your mom and dad. Oh, look, we're both in the big bedroom now because the boy's back.

14:06I mean, I get it. But even if you're staying in an Airbnb, you know, you'll still be in their house watching Fall's War and it'll be annoying. And, you know, they'll cook weird stuff for Christmas that you don't like to eat. And they'll think you still like those biscuits that you stopped eating 30 years ago.

14:24Maria McErlane:Nice biscuits. Absolutely not. Not very nice. Not nice at all. No, opposite of nice. I think in the great scheme of things, this is not a big problem. You don't stay that long when you're back for Christmas. You probably come once a year because you live in Spain. Maybe get them over to Spain before too long. Yes. Actually, that is a good idea. Maybe do one Spanish Christmas. If you haven't done a Spanish Christmas, do a Spanish Christmas because they sound like they are still mobile and everything. They're up and at them, opening windows and bed hopping. But this is a problem. It's a finite problem, you know.

15:03Maria McErlane:it's not they won't be there forever and that's the awful thing and you kind of feel that they will be but I'm here to tell you they won't yes and it's actually in a way it's almost sweet that Anonymous thinks that this is a problem to be solved as if this is going to go on for another 30-40 years I mean I like you all very much I like you Anonymous and I like your mum and dad and I like your husband come and stay I've got a lovely Airbnb Yes, I think the thing is, whatever, you know, even if you get the sense that your parents would prefer to stay in their own rooms and not do the bed sharing thing, there is no way of doing this without upsetting them.

15:52there'll be sniffing and kind of like, oh, oh, so not good enough for you. Oh, oh, right. Oh, I know, I know. Yes, the house isn't very nice. It's not up to your usual standard. Obviously, it's not as fancy as your villa in Spain. There'll be lots of that.

16:06Maria McErlane:Like Rhoda speaking. It's incredible. I'm channeling her. You just suck it up. And yeah, it's really hot at night. It's really cold during the day. And telly's a bit boring. Woo-hoo. You're back to Spain in a minute where you can't understand the television. You're assuming anonymous hasn't learned that. I have assumed that. I think pretty correctly. But also invite them over to you. Yeah, no, that's a good idea. Yeah. They can watch a Viro. Now do Foils Roar. Foils Roar. Foils Roar. I'm cancelling both of us now. Sorry, Michael Cucina.

16:49I think he is in it, isn't he? He is very much in it. Yeah, he's a big star in Spain.

16:56Maria McErlane:Massive. It's got an island. All right. Wangers unite. I can't believe the wangers are going to tell them anything different from what we did. Yeah. Let's see what they say. Chiara in the Lake District says, I think the Spaniard should just make something up. Like a friend of theirs near mum and dad's just so happens to be on holiday when they are in the UK and they've been asked to house hit. No, Kiara in the Lake District. These people are in their 80s and not unlike Vera herself. They can't be that hard to trick. That way you could enjoy time with them. Have you seen an episode of Vera? You can't get a thing past her.

17:38Maria McErlane:Oh, she's all over everything. Yeah, I'd say just like Vera, you know, they will see right through this. Yeah. Chiara's obviously very young. Yeah. That way you can enjoy time with them, taking them out to a nice meal and then drop them back off to their furnace after. No, I am disagreeing with you, Chiara, in the Lake District. I think there's going to be a big divide here between people who are little in our age group and younger people. Okay. Holly doesn't tell us where she is. Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. You're in your 50s. I think they can handle it. Why don't you just tell them in advance?

18:16Maria McErlane:I bet they'll be delighted. They can return to their separate rooms for sleep, make plans to spend daytime hours, meals together, all the fun things. But when Vera comes on full blast, hugs, we can't wait to see you tomorrow. I mean, in an ideal world, Holly, you're right. But my spidey senses tell me that is not going to happen. There'll be lots of kind of sour faces as you march out, kind of go, all right, yeah, you go. I agree with you. I agree with you. Stephen from Glasgow. My father was looking forward to watching this with you, but no, it's fine. We saved this episode, especially. We've been wanting to watch it for weeks.

18:52Yeah, there's a Spanish person in it.

18:54Maria McErlane:Wait till the boys come home. They probably know that Spanish person. Franco made a cameo. Franco. In Vera.

19:04Maria McErlane:Stephen from Glasgow says, as a treat, why not book an Airbnb in the UK that will accommodate everyone? Not a bad idea. Separate beds and en suites, It's one that doesn't have a TV. Make sure it has a complicated heating system with locked inaccessible windows they can't tamper with. I mean, too much detail there, but the basic idea is good. They all go somewhere. And then you're not in this house where, you know, it's unlikely the house you rent will be 300 degrees. That's a compromise, isn't it? But do you think they'll want to go? They might because, you know, it's a fuss. So long as they're with the boys, I think they'll be happy.

19:41you know who'll do the cooking though

19:43Maria McErlane:oh anonymous you know they'll say mum will say oh anonymous we've spent every year here at Christmas and you've been here every year and now you've brought Eduardo into our lives it's weird they can't remember their own son's name but they can the son-in-laws well they prefer Eduardo that's the thing that is the thing John in Woolwich sent us a voice note I'm afraid what you've described is Christmas Everything about this rings true to my experience. The older people you have to visit who enjoy living in temperatures that can only be described as reminiscent of Dante's Inferno, everything about the ITV3 watching Foil's War, all of that.

20:27So my solution here is put up with it, because they're not going to be around for that long, and you don't want to needlessly offend them for what is ultimately a few days of the year. Well said, John.

20:40Maria McErlane:I think he's kind of on our page, isn't he? But Gail says, both my parents are not here anymore. If I had the opportunity to watch Vera or any program, really, sit in a fridge or a sauna, I would be there, no questions asked. Appreciate what you have now and make the most of it. Suck it up by the cups. Aw. And honestly, I should say, there were a lot of writers who said suck it up. We're for balance. We kind of did those ones. but on most people's head. Suck it up as your parents won't be here forever. Wangers, in the comments section, what do you think? Do Airbnb or not Airbnb? That is the question.