My Husband Wants Gay Sex

5:30Graham Norton:that's what we gave up I said to my mum no this year it's opium I'm saying no

5:38Maria McErlane:have you got any E's Yeah.

5:41Graham Norton:I mean, I'll still do spliff, but no heroin.

5:45Maria McErlane:I kind of think that, how was I that old? I think the church was very late in changing to English. I'm going back to how old am I to have a Latin mass.

5:56Graham Norton:Do you think it was the last chapel in Britain to still be doing it in Latin? I don't know. Was it one of those renegade chapels with the very kind of harsh guys?

6:04Maria McErlane:How can it be a renegade? It's Catholic. The whole world was Catholic to me.

6:08Graham Norton:After they changed it and said, oh, all right, you can understand what's going on if you want to.

6:12Maria McErlane:Oh, you mean after the Reformation?

6:14Graham Norton:No, it wasn't the Reformation.

6:15Maria McErlane:What are you talking about?

6:16Graham Norton:It was called, what was it called when they made it all English?

6:19Maria McErlane:I don't know.

6:20Graham Norton:The Reformation was the Protestants. Yeah, yeah. It was something that happened at the Vatican. There was some agreement they did.

6:27Maria McErlane:I think what we've proved in this conversation is that we know nothing.

6:30Graham Norton:Well, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Yeah. There was a mad priest in Spain. Oh, yeah. who went, I've learned that Latin, I'm not going to stop. And they had to kind of make, okay, you're over there now. But people, they liked not knowing what he was talking about, so they would still go to the Latin one.

6:48Maria McErlane:Yeah, I think some people actually did learn the Latin as well. I mean, you know, if you were training to be a priest, as I like to call it, at the seminary where you train, then you did have to kind of learn Latin.

6:59Graham Norton:Urbi et orbi, is that Latin or Italian?

7:02Maria McErlane:Say it again.

7:03Graham Norton:Urbi et orbi. It's something to do with the Pope.

7:05Maria McErlane:I think that sounds like Celtic to me.

7:08Graham Norton:No, no, it wasn't Irish, for sure. It's either Latin or Italian. Orbe and Orbe, it was, I think, it used to be on telly. The Pope would come on telly and do it. I think it might be an Easter thing.

7:16Maria McErlane:Maybe it's the Italian.

7:17Graham Norton:Maybe Orbe and Orbe is happening right now.

7:19Maria McErlane:What's time flies in Latin? Tempus Fugit. Thank you. And what's, let's do an easy one, seize the day.

7:26Graham Norton:Fecky. Carpe diem. Oh, carpe diem, of course. What's fecky? That's just telling you to fuck off. I'm bored of answering. I'm bored of translating Latin. shall we get on well tell you what we can indulge in we can indulge in some dilemmas and there's one in our very news transport your senses with Sol de Janeiro's limited edition perfume mist collection at Sephora spritz on lush notes of rainforest orchid and crisp sea breeze with je fresco paraíso embrace a floral and fruity scent inspired by Rio's nude beach with cheeky bikini or capture sun-kissed bliss with limonada gelada where zesty Brazilian lemonade accord meets coconut milk and golden brown sugar.

8:08Graham Norton:Don't miss Sol de Janeiro's limited edition perfume mist collection, only at Sephora. K-pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Huntrix Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle.

8:24Maria McErlane:So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast

8:26Graham Norton:and give our meal the rest of the day. It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really, stop.

8:35Maria McErlane:You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

8:42Graham Norton:Participate in McDonald's while supplies last. Your future.

8:48Graham Norton:Wangers rejoice. You can watch us on your TV.

8:52Maria McErlane:Hooray. If you have a smart deli, you can go to YouTube or Spotify and search for Wanging On. Yeah, it's great. You can find our full episodes, all of them. So you can binge them all or you can watch us weekly, like a normal person.

9:06Graham Norton:This is the brave new world of visualised podcasting, Maria.

9:09Maria McErlane:I am all over it. Stream-wanging on, on your smart telly, now!

9:16Graham Norton:Maria, please open the envelope. Thank you very much. Tempest Fugit. Please read me a letter. Copy diem.

9:25Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, I long for a short letter. Can I just say that? I long for a short letter. They're all pages long.

9:32Graham Norton:Give up ink for Lent.

9:34Maria McErlane:Give up typing unnecessary words. Dear Graham and Maria, In 2025, I married my partner of 25 years and the father of our children. I'll cut to the chase, if only you would. We are quite open to a variety of sexual experiences in the bedroom with each other.

9:51Graham Norton:We're glad it's a long letter now.

9:54Maria McErlane:Now we're invested. Right on. Throughout our relationship, we have discussed whether or not we would like to get more adventurous with other couples, but we never have. We have discussed the fact that realistically, we prefer a monogamous relationship, as trust is very important to us. Moving forward to being married for only a few months, and now my husband drops into the convo that he would like to experience gay sex. Jaw on the floor. I mean, my eyes popped out of my head like, what the actual F? Am I stupid or naive? I mean, he wouldn't even let me put a butt plug up his bottom before now.

10:40Maria McErlane:Talk about oversharing. How was I supposed to see this coming? I want to scream from the rooftops, but also I'm mortally embarrassed and now feel slightly trapped. Help my little English, slightly prudish brain navigate how I best approach this so as not to distance him and potentially turn him to more nefarious ways of exploring his sexual desires. And that is from Anonymous. Now, that is thorny. That's a thorny issue right there. That is a dilemma.

11:10Graham Norton:That is a dilemma.

11:11Maria McErlane:That is, yeah. Listen, I think, Anonymous, you know, you've been very open about things before. You've discussed what you'd like. I don't think it's anything to do with being married. You've been together a long time. And God knows, it sounds like you've kept things alive, which a lot of people would be very envious of. Because for a lot of people, they just go, oh, sex doesn't actually work anymore because we're both bored with each other. Let's move on. So here's the thing that's screaming out at me. I don't think you need to get into a lather about this. He doesn't even want you to use a butt plug on him.

11:43Maria McErlane:So I'm thinking, OK, so he doesn't want anything near his exit. But wait, but he might want to have a man that he can do something to. Do you think? Is that what you're thinking? No. What are you thinking? I'm thinking it does seem that he's brought this up now where he feels secure.

12:10Graham Norton:They're married. It's all okay. I feel like he'd have felt before they got married that Anonymous, possibly and quite gladly, would have gone screaming to the hills if he'd brought this up. Now he kind of thinks, oh, look, we're committed. So now I'm going to bring it up. If I was Anonymous, I'd be annoyed too. That you've waited till now to bring this up. I find that's kind of a bit jarring.

12:37Maria McErlane:If I'm an anonymous partner, I'm saying, yeah, but I feel secure now. And we've always been very open in the bedroom. So I feel secure in mentioning this to you. What would you think?

12:46Graham Norton:Well, here's the thing. Before when we discussed this. Oh, yeah.

12:52Maria McErlane:We're getting a pointy finger.

12:53Graham Norton:Before we discussed this, it was about the two of us exploring sexual things with other couples. Now, you're going, bye, off from my gay time. and I'm sat at home, you know, watching Dickinson's Real Deal.

13:10Maria McErlane:Sounds like you got the better deal.

13:14Maria McErlane:But what about if she says, okay, let's introduce a third party into this, but I'm going to be there.

13:22Graham Norton:Oh, and also, yes, I'm sure there must be a website where you could find a bisexual and then he could, you know, have a bit of this, have a bit of that.

13:31Maria McErlane:I think it's kind of, I think it's one of those fantasies that he thinks he wants, but actually the reality. And I do feel that he'd probably need you there to sort of oil the wheels. Not a great metaphor, I know. I don't think it was a metaphor. Who's using wheels in today's world? But no, to kind of, you know, to facilitate this, because I don't know if he would be able to do this alone. Otherwise, he might just as well go off and do it alone. He's said it to you. So he's kind of testing your waters.

14:07Graham Norton:And I think Anonymous is correct. If you shut it down, you'll never really believe you've shut it down. You'll always kind of think, oh, he's out there now. You know, he says he's playing golf, but no. It's not the 18th hole he's after.

14:24Maria McErlane:I wondered where you were going with that. I should have known. I should have known that his putter was going to be involved. But I think, yes, you're right. You'll never know. But I think, you know, go with him on this is what I'm saying. Because I think a lot of us have fantasies that are good because they remain fantasies. Actually, if you put them into practice, it's not good.

14:46Graham Norton:I'm struggling here because you're kind of thinking whatever happens, it has the potential to just throw a hand grenade into this relationship. They've been together a long time though. Yeah, but this is different. And I feel like maybe they really should seek professional counselling because I think a couples counsellor might be able to navigate this in a way that we really can't. I quite like our role playing. I'm thinking like she could suggest they watch gay porn while they have sex. I just don't know. or you take a leap of faith and say, all right, off you go. And you, you know that thing, you know, if you love something, let it go.

15:34Graham Norton:And you hope that he goes back and go, well, I tried that. It wasn't very good.

15:37Maria McErlane:Yeah. I didn't like it.

15:39Graham Norton:I didn't like it.

15:40Maria McErlane:But she's frightened that he might like it too much. Well, it's just, it's just so strange

15:44Graham Norton:that after all this time and all the very open conversations they've had about swinging and...

15:52Maria McErlane:And also now she's gone a bit prudish about it, the whole thing, just because he's mentioned gay sex. You've mentioned lots of things before. Yes, but they were different because she was very much involved.

16:01Graham Norton:They were sharing fantasies and they were coming to the same decision. Actually, monogamy suits us. All that stuff sounds very exciting. But, you know, bottom line is we are quite prudish. We are. We like our trust. We like our monogamy. He's now going, oh, I know I said that.

16:21Maria McErlane:I just thought of something

16:22Graham Norton:Yeah, if you could sit there for, I don't know, an hour and I'm back Shall we?

16:27Maria McErlane:I mean, I think you're right I think they need to go and see a counsellor together to kind of navigate this without anyone feeling hard done by

16:34Graham Norton:Because it has the potential to absolutely destroy this relationship

16:37Maria McErlane:Or it could go very smoothly However, let's see what the wangers have to say

16:42Graham Norton:I dread to think

16:43Maria McErlane:Katie from Wiltshire says I think it's great that you're both so comfortable and open with each other that he told you this fantasy of his without hesitation. He could be hiding these thoughts or worse, pursuing them without your knowledge. So don't feel embarrassed. I say try pegging first, see how he likes it. Then possibly open up, excuse the pun, to inviting another male. It doesn't mean your husband is gay, simply curious. And if he doesn't figure out if he likes it or not, then he will be forever wondering.

17:15Graham Norton:See, I think if he hasn't had a butt plug up him.

17:19Maria McErlane:That's what I said at the beginning.

17:20Graham Norton:So I think he doesn't want his wife to have a strap on. He wants to be with a man. That's what he wants. He wants gay sex. He doesn't want, you know, it's not just anal sex. He wants to be with a man. And I think this won't, that won't quite do it. Satisfy it. Yeah.

17:38Maria McErlane:Well, that's good. Or bad.

17:40Graham Norton:Oh, yeah. Or difficult.

17:42Maria McErlane:I think there's a voice note from David. Is it from David? Yes.

17:46Graham Norton:Right, firstly, I don't think you're allowed to say you're prudish in an email in which he states he wants to butt-plug your reluctant husband.

17:53Maria McErlane:One thing that isn't mentioned in your letter is whether or not your man fancies being top or bottom, mum or dad.

17:59Graham Norton:If it's bottom, then it could be his way of saying, go ahead, I am now ready to be plugged. If it's top, then it could be his way of saying, he wants to wander down an alternative avenue with you.

18:13Maria McErlane:if you know what I mean. Thank you, David. I'm sure they've tried the alternative avenue together.

18:19Graham Norton:It sounds like 25 years, he'll have wandered down that avenue at some point.

18:23Maria McErlane:Yeah, and I actually think you're right, Graham. I think it's the whole gay experience that he wants, really, you know, not to do with the butt plug or pegging or whatever. Yes, I don't think he wants her there

18:36Graham Norton:is the bottom line.

18:39Maria McErlane:Claire in North Wales says, my concern is that you're focusing on how not to distance your husband and drive him into another man's arms. I have massive sympathy with someone who has had to conceal their sexuality for any reason and obviously equal sympathy for their partner who was unaware of their desires. But please remember that gay or bi men are still adults who have free will and can take responsibility for their actions. Whether your husband acts on these feelings or not, you are not turning him to nefarious ways. He might need some support to explore how he feels about his attraction to men and some patience while he works it out.

19:16Maria McErlane:But should he decide to act on it, you will not have driven him to anything. What about her feelings? Yes, I mean, here's the thing. You know, what did she say?

19:28Graham Norton:The thing about concealed their sexuality. You know, they've been together for 25 years. So 25 years ago, people could be gay.

19:38Maria McErlane:He hasn't concealed anything, though, because they've been so open in the bedroom. But this is the first mention of this, which is kind of, you know, I'm slightly baffled by it.

19:49Graham Norton:It is weird. I feel it's something to do with being married. He suddenly feels like that stability and that security has given permission to open this particular can of worms.

20:03Maria McErlane:Always panicking and thinking, oh, my goodness, I'm married now. That's it forever. But they have kids together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:08Graham Norton:They're so together. They're so committed. And also, not just that, they have chosen, over 25 years of talking about what sexy adventures they get up to, they have chosen monogamy. It was, they weren't forced.

20:26Maria McErlane:Have a family meeting and get the children involved. I'm joking. Kathleen in San Diego says, this is more common than you think, just not openly discussed as, say, a woman making out with her college roommate. The conversation of a third person in the bedroom allowed a safe space for him to honestly open up. For the love of God, please be kind because this is a very vulnerable space. If you're secure in yourself, you can guide him through it. It's a weird space for you, but I found it to be beautiful at the same time. One thing I did was I went to a gay bar with my partner so he could explore the energy and flirting in a safe environment.

21:01Maria McErlane:My partner's behavior told me everything I needed to know. Sometimes a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. Well, that's interesting.

21:10Graham Norton:I mean, that's great that Kathleen wrote in. I mean, it's so interesting that other people have been through this. They've been there.

21:17Maria McErlane:Yeah, and I think, as she says, it's more common than you think. And I think the whole kind of, oh, I'm freaked out, is not working here because you've had a different relationship thus far. So I think take a leaf out of Kathleen in San Diego's book.

21:31Graham Norton:Anonymous, thank you so much for trusting us with your dilemma. and thank you to all the wangers for their really considered responses. Hopefully Anonymous found some of them helpful. In just a moment, another dilemma. This episode is brought to you by Tilda Rice, the UK's biggest rice brand. Now, Maria, the working week can be so busy and sometimes we can rush through dinner or get stuck in the same mundane mealtime routine.

21:56Maria McErlane:You are so right, Graham, but I try and remember to make a bit of an effort to really enjoy dinner time. Sit at the table, maybe light a candle, feel a bit lonely.

22:05Graham Norton:I thought I smelled something. That's it. Sometimes treating yourself just means using the best quality ingredients and great quality rice can make a huge difference to your favourite dish.

22:16Maria McErlane:Tilda ages its basmati for up to 18 months, meaning the aromatic grains cook up all fluffy and separate. I mean, I am salivating just imagining it, Graham.

22:27Graham Norton:It's that kind of care that makes Tilda award-winning. Yeah, their pure basmati rice, fragrant jasmine rice, and their pure brown coconut and pilau steamed rice have all won the Great Taste Award. Great Taste Award.

22:41Maria McErlane:Well, talk about options, Graham. Tilda offers so many grains and flavours suitable for all sorts of occasions. Whether you're making your favourite chicken and rice bowl, enjoying a fake away, or using up leftovers, make an effort with dinner time tonight. Live like you mean it with Tilda Rice. Maria

22:59Graham Norton:Yes Another envelope An envelope I say

23:03Maria McErlane:Oh I'm very busy today Graham

23:04Graham Norton:Oh please I've got things to do The format relies on it Yes

23:09Maria McErlane:You sounded like Moira there from Schitt's Creek The format relies on it

23:15Graham Norton:Oh poor Moira Lovely Catherine O 'Hara Gorgeous

23:18Maria McErlane:Okay letter number two Dear Graham and Maria This year I've stepped into my first management role and I'm struggling with how to handle my second in department. He's well-liked, but he works slowly, lacks drive and doesn't meet the expectations set by me or my line manager. I've been told I need to be firmer and manage him more assertively. My concern is reputation. I'm new, I don't have many friendships yet, and I don't want to be seen as the arsehole boss for asking someone to meet what feels like the bare minimum, especially since he is so beloved by the rest of the staff body for being, in inverted commas, a nice guy.

24:01Maria McErlane:I've always worked independently so managing someone who isn't pulling their weight is well outside my comfort zone. How do I hold him to account without damaging relationships or my standing with colleagues? And he says, thank you, and that is from Harvey. Well, Harvey, presumably when you took this management role on you knew that you were going to have to manage in inverted commas. And that means, you know, if somebody isn't pulling their weight, then you have to chat to them. I think your concern about reputation, it's like maybe this is a test for you to see how you do this, to see how you manage it.

24:38Maria McErlane:Because if you're in management, you have to manage, you have to have difficult conversations with people. So I would say, you know, it's not a public thing, but you have to call in this person for a meeting and say, I'm really sorry, but you're not making the targets that we've set you. And I don't know if it's because you're taking it too slowly or you're finding the assignments, you can tell I haven't worked in an office. Or you're finding the assignments too difficult. But basically, please be my friend. I don't want to be unpopular. Just buck your ideas You can't say that. Please like me.

25:16Maria McErlane:I know. I was joking. For the last bit, I was joking. I had quite a lot of confidence in the first bit of what I was saying. But then I realised I have really no experience of office life.

25:26Graham Norton:Look, Harvey said yes to this promotion. Yeah. And part of being a manager is you're not everyone's friend. And you are slightly isolated. And you're slightly out of the loop. And it'll never be the same again, Harvey. And that's what you agreed to.

25:42Maria McErlane:And you're being paid. A bit more than everyone else because that is the job you've got to do. So I know you haven't made any friends yet. It will happen or it won't. Won't.

25:54Graham Norton:And no one's paying you to go there to be people's friends. They're asking you to manage things. But equally, you don't have to do this in a horrible way because it sounds like you're not being unreasonable. Your manager isn't being unreasonable by noticing this guy isn't pulling his weight. And here's the thing. everyone in that office. If you guys know that he's not pulling his weight, everyone in that office knows he's not pulling his weight. So they must be expecting this day to come. Now, they like him. So, you know,

26:24Maria McErlane:He's a nice guy.

26:25Graham Norton:He's a nice guy. They like him. But equally, they're all at work. You know, if it was just fun, they'd show up for no money. They're being paid to be there to do things. He's not doing the things.

26:36Maria McErlane:So if you're Harvey and I'm the one who's not pulling the weight, what, am I coming into a meeting with you? What are you telling me? I think I'm kind of going... Do it, do it, do it.

26:45Graham Norton:Well, this is difficult. This is difficult.

26:47Maria McErlane:Thank you. Yes.

26:48Graham Norton:But it's been brought... For me too. But it's been noticed. It's been noticed, not just by me, but actually by, you know, Beryl and Frieda, the main bosses, that you... They in ABBA. Yeah, they are. They are. Yeah. And they've noticed that you could be working a little harder. Things we asked you to do, they're arriving late so I'm afraid one I'm asking you to work harder but also this is a verbal warning I'm afraid I've been asked to give you this and next time it'll be a written warning and then you're unemployed and your children won't eat anyway thank you Merry Christmas fuck you Harvey I'm glad we've had this chat that was textbook I mean we can do a training course

27:41Maria McErlane:I felt you started well you slipped up in the middle and went a little bit apologetic and then you were good with formal warning I thought that was good

27:50Graham Norton:well there has to be some repercussions here you can't just you can't continually go buck your ideas up man you've got to go now I'm saying buck your ideas up or else and you know like I say you're not this guy's friend you like him and but that doesn't mean he's good at his job

28:07Maria McErlane:let's do that for every problem let's reenact every problem shall we maybe not the last one what the pegging one I so want to do the pegging one please let me do that to you shall we see what the wangers have to say

28:24Graham Norton:to this one wangers probably have jobs so they may be a little more qualified to advise Harvey

28:32Maria McErlane:I feel our office skills are really very very poor Ken in New South Wales says, forget about trying not to be the arsehole boss like ATM machine or pin number. Arsehole boss is a bit of a redundant term. If you are the boss, you're an arsehole. That is your job. There may be an inverse relationship between how big an arsehole you are and how good a boss you are, but you can never get to absolute zero arsehole and still be the boss. He likes saying arsehole, doesn't he, Ken?

29:00Graham Norton:Certainly he's made you say it a lot. Yeah, he has. even more than the first problem when I really thought it would have come up more I know

29:10Maria McErlane:I was very disappointed I'm glad we've made up for it frankly your reputation will suffer more if you can't handle someone who is not pulling their weight as long as you're respectful and fair to your underlings your reputation and standing will be okay thank you Ken too much

29:27Graham Norton:too many darsels but Ken's right yeah yeah he's absolutely right he is absolutely right

29:31Maria McErlane:Oh, I don't know why I'm putting that way. There's more things. Hani from Austria. Austria now. Says, nothing gets rid of a good team member faster than having to tolerate a bad one. Ah. Hani. I'm sure there are more team members who are also nice and full their weight, maybe even go above and beyond. Focus in encouraging the people that are doing well. Give them something that supports their behavior. Money works best, like a bonus. then find tasks more suitable for Mr Nice Guy and watch the crowd pull up his performance to match theirs. Let the group Dynamics do the work for you. That is brilliant, Hanni.

30:09Maria McErlane:Hanni's like a savant. I know, really, right? That's incredible. How is Hanni walking among us? Hanni has put their hours in, in office land, really.

30:19Graham Norton:That is, I mean, except I feel like, I think the main thing is absolutely encourage everyone who's doing well Yeah. And then, yeah.

30:29Maria McErlane:Because you're absolutely right. Everyone else will have noticed that he's very slow. Yeah. So you kind of just shift the focus to everyone else. It's a bit like Lord of the Flies, isn't it? Yeah.

30:38Graham Norton:But I think encouraging good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior is a good way to do this. It's a very positive way to move things forward. I mean, lazy lump will probably go, they're all working really hard. Yeah. I'm just going to do nothing till they fire me.

30:54Maria McErlane:I'm going to write to Hanni with my problems. He's very good, isn't he? Teresa in New Zealand says, delegate, no, find a colleague who really likes him and appoint them as his mentor to have regular meetings with him to help him meet his targets.

31:08Graham Norton:If they did that to me, I'd quit. Would you? Yeah, I'd go, I'm not dealing with lump.

31:11Maria McErlane:Yeah.

31:12Graham Norton:I'm out of here.

31:13Maria McErlane:Yeah.

31:13Graham Norton:Yeah, take that, Harvey. Well, no, because it's Harvey's job.

31:17Maria McErlane:Well, that's it. So I think delegating is really, you know, the reason Harvey is getting paid extra is because he gets to do the arsehole work. Sorry, I said it there voluntarily. Ricky, also in New Zealand, says, if he was doing his job and at least meeting the bare minimum, there wouldn't be any need to be firm or to micromanage. Addressing issues isn't being difficult. It's part of leadership, even when it's uncomfortable. Sometimes having the tough conversation early actually saves a lot more stress down the track. Trust your instincts to be fair but firm. And remember, you're not asking for anything unreasonable just for someone to do the role they're employed to do.

31:53Maria McErlane:Again, very good, Ricky in New Zealand. Yeah, very sensible. Why are we so hopeless?

31:58Graham Norton:Because we don't have a job.

32:00Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah, that's right. Nettie in Houston says, In my company, we're given an hour once a month with our manager to talk about our concerns and needs and then to listen to what management needs from us. Schedule one with him and inquire about how he feels about his role. He may be at a point where he's become complacent because he desires something different. By the way, it was kind of unfair of your boss to dump an employee issue on you. This could have been handled before you took on the management position. That's why he was given the management position.

32:32Graham Norton:Yes, to do it. I think, I'm listening to that, I think I'm so glad I don't work in an office. Can you imagine that hour once a month? And you're going, oh God, I've got to go in and talk to them now. As if this job wasn't bad enough. Now I've got to think of something to say about my role.

32:50Maria McErlane:Are my needs being met? Am I meeting your needs?

32:54Graham Norton:Needs. What are your expectations of the... Oh, it would just be awful, wouldn't it? Quit, Harvey. Just quit, Harvey.

33:01Maria McErlane:It's making me tired, yeah.

33:02Graham Norton:Learn how to play the guitar and busk around Europe.

33:04Maria McErlane:Or the violin.

33:06Graham Norton:Busk around Europe. Okay. Harvey, you literally had wangers from all over the world giving you advice there. And I'm sure if you scroll down to the comment section below, there will be more advice. Hopefully it will help you. Harvey, of course, emailed us. wangingon at listen.co.uk. That's where you can send your dilemmas. Wangers can offer advice. And it's also where people send, am I weird? And weirdly, that's the bit we're doing now. Oh, you're good at this. You are so good at this. Oh, my job review's in. Can I get a bonus?

33:38Maria McErlane:You have met your targets for this year, but we're letting you go. Okay, yes, am I weird? This week it's from Sally. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird? When I go out, even if it's just to the local shop, I tell my cat where I'm going and how long I'll be. I don't know why I started doing this, but it reassures me. I don't think he gives a toss as he's asleep most of the time. I know you are both animal lovers and you, Maria, have a dog. So maybe this is something you do too. No, I don't tell my dog where I'm going, but I think I do sort of chat out loud. I don't actually say, you know, I'm going out now.

34:17Maria McErlane:You'll be okay. I'll be back soon. Don't pine or don't bark. But sometimes I go, well, I suppose we'd better get you some food. I do that sometimes.

34:25Graham Norton:Look, Sally, it's a probably nice thing to do, chat to your cat, even if your cat's not listening, which is rude, frankly. Cats never listen, though.

34:35Maria McErlane:Cats are so indifferent.

34:36Graham Norton:I mean, that was her first mistake.

34:37Maria McErlane:Yeah, get a cat instead of a dog. Dogs at least will go, what? Did you say my name? What was that thing you were saying that I can't understand? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Tweet.

34:47Graham Norton:Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whoop.

34:48Maria McErlane:Blah, blah, blah, blah, squirrel.

34:52Graham Norton:It's I'm just going to the shop to get a squirrel.

34:56Maria McErlane:You're not weird at all. I think it's very sweet. You might be a bit lonely, but there you are.

35:01Graham Norton:Oh.

35:02Maria McErlane:What? She's not, she's got a cat.

35:04Graham Norton:I know.

35:05Maria McErlane:Doesn't answer back, but then neither does the dog.

35:07Graham Norton:No, but we believe they do.

35:08Maria McErlane:Yeah.

35:09Graham Norton:We project, I mean, that is the thing with you've got a pet. You project so much onto them.

35:13Maria McErlane:Which is why we're so distressed when they die. but so don't we got there quickly

35:19Graham Norton:we were having a perfectly nice chat going to the shops I'll be back in a minute oh you're dead

35:27Graham Norton:I guess I won't get any cat food

35:31Maria McErlane:I don't know how

35:32Graham Norton:I jumped to that

35:33Maria McErlane:I think I jumped

35:33Graham Norton:there was no warning just suddenly the pet's dead Sally's now listening to this

35:38Maria McErlane:sobbing I jumped to that because it's the end of the show and I thought it was a nice tyre and in the end

35:45Graham Norton:we all die

35:49Graham Norton:every solution ends in the same way and now a song

35:57Graham Norton:and before you know it Wanging On is over for yet another week

36:02Maria McErlane:our Instagram handle is at wanging on please go there for a link to proper professional advice Graham and I are anything but experts

36:12Graham Norton:but we are back here next Monday So see you then. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production.