In short
Two listener dilemmas are discussed: (1) how to handle a 17-year-old son’s porn use after finding adult web addresses/search terms, and (2) how to address a “gentle giant” friend who repeatedly leaves feces on the toilet seat after using the bathroom. The hosts also trade live-radio bloopers and give “Am I Weird” travel advice about bringing a personal duvet.
Guests
No podcast guests appear. Hosts are Graeme Norton and Maria (Curling).
Guest backgrounds
Not applicable (no guests).
Key claims
Porn isn’t the same as sex; parents should explain porn-vs-reality and avoid shaming. For the toilet-seat issue, the friend should be told directly once, with cleaning supplies available (e.g., wipes/poster) and possibly “delegate” the conversation to someone else.
Notable examples
“Car chats” for sex/porn conversations; using incognito/private browsing; “leave no evidence behind” posters; “Bob” as the suggested name for the toilet-seat offender.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOLive Show Mishaps
1:36 to 3:31
Graham shares a humorous story about a live show experience.
“It's time for another episode of Wanging On with me, Graeme Norton, and a nearly dead Marie Curling.”
Navigating On-Air Blunders
3:31 to 5:35
Maria discusses her own on-air blunders and challenges.
“So we're being delayed because there's a news, there's a news, there's going to be a news flash from Rome, you know, one of the judges was an Italian dancer who threw himself against a wall.”
Royal Coverage Protocols
5:35 to 7:40
The hosts recall experiences covering royal news and protocols.
“And then he just turned to me and said, Maria, what are your thoughts?”
Listener's Dilemma: Toilet Etiquette
7:40 to 9:43
The hosts discuss a listener's problem with a friend's bathroom habits.
“When we were last here, I got off the train and there was the announcement saying, is Mr.”
Addressing Sensitive Topics
9:43 to 14:00
The hosts suggest ways to approach a sensitive conversation with a friend.
“I mean, we're giving advice if you can't unfold paper.”
Toilet Etiquette and Family Dynamics
14:00 to 18:42
Discussion on toilet habits and addressing embarrassing situations in families.
“Hey, Bob, you know, when you go to the loo, I think you're doing a little bit on the back of the seat, just to let you know.”
Listener Advice: Addressing Awkward Bathroom Issues
18:42 to 20:08
Listeners share humorous advice on dealing with toilet mishaps at home.
“This could be elevated erudite chat compared to what's coming.”
Navigating Teenagers and Pornography
20:08 to 25:53
A mother discovers her son's internet history and contemplates discussing it.
“You could just email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk, and we will promise to give you some so-so advice.”
Discussing Pornography with Teens
25:53 to 28:01
The hosts discuss the challenges of discussing pornography with teenagers and suggest ways to approach the topic.
“I doubt that she will be comfortable, you're right, bringing up the subject of porn and how it misrepresents sex.”
Navigating Teen Curiosity About Porn
28:01 to 34:31
Learn how to approach conversations about teenage curiosity regarding porn and sexuality.
“and then they normally say, as it was, no questions.”
Show all 11 chapters
Am I Weird? The Duvet Dilemma
34:32 to 38:25
Explore the quirky habits of travelers regarding hygiene and comfort while on holiday.
“Today's Am I Weird, Graham, is an anonymous submission.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency. When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more.
0:31Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app to bank, borrow, and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow-up with the SoFi High Yield Savings Account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash Spotify. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank NA. Member FDIC. Terms apply. I could see no way that I could have a baby. So I just assumed, well, I can't be gay because there's obviously some physical difference.
1:06Maria McErlane:Oh my God, Graham, that's just making my heart hurt.
1:09Graham Norton:Porn isn't the same as sex. Do you know what I mean? The way that people have sex in porn isn't that... Don't expect sex to be like that. When you go to public toilets, I'm always amazed. I always go, wow, somebody walked out of this cubicle going, there you go. That's good. Yeah, done. Done and dusted.
1:33Graham Norton:Hello. Oh, you're just in time. You nearly missed us. It's time for another episode of Wanging On with me, Graeme Norton, and a nearly dead Marie Curling. You made me jump. I put the heart across you. You did.
1:47Maria McErlane:You did put the heart across me. Graeme, the other day I was watching that clip. Do you remember that taxi driver that went to pick up somebody at the BBC was mistakenly taken for somebody who was there to talk about tech news. Yes. And then he got wheeled into the studio. Why didn't he say, no, no, no? I love it.
2:05Graham Norton:Because his little face, I just love the expression on his face when he realizes, because I think up until they asked him the question, I think he still thought he was going to get a passenger. Yeah. I thought, wow, they're making me sit on this sofa in front of cameras. Are you Sophie? Are you Sophie? Are you Sophie?
2:20Maria McErlane:Yes, Guy Gomer, his name was. And it still makes me laugh, even now. It is. So I wanted to know from you, because you've been doing this for a very, very long time, what sort of gaffs have you ever done on air?
2:35Graham Norton:Because I do so little live. I mean, Radio 2, when we were doing a similar thing to this on Radio 2, sometimes we'd have a sad problem, you know, and then we'd play a really inappropriate song afterwards.
2:50Maria McErlane:I know, because we would be... Living in a box or something. We would be trying to stop ourselves I was weeping and then living in a box would come on.
2:57Graham Norton:Yeah, sorry. We apologize for our choice of song. My favorite one was my first ever live show on the BBC. It was a program called Strictly Dance Fever. It was kind of a non-celebrity version of Strictly Come Dancing. And so I'd never done a live show. It was my first BBC show.
3:20Maria McErlane:You got the earpiece in and everything.
3:21Graham Norton:You got the earpiece in. It's all going great. We've rehearsed it. It's gone really well. We're about to go live. And the Pope died. Selfish, Pope. I know. So we're being delayed because there's a news, there's a news, there's going to be a news flash from Rome, you know, one of the judges was an Italian dancer who threw himself against a wall. I hope they got that on camera. Sadly, no. I hope they got that on camera.
3:54Graham Norton:While we're kind of getting ready to go on, post-newsflash, they're saying to me, okay, there will be no applause. What? And then they go, okay, there will be applause, but no cheering. In your opening a bit, go focus on the excitement and the tension of the competition rather than... So I'm like, whatever we're doing, we're having a dancing competition and the Pope's dead. That's what's happening. We cannot ameliorate that. But what no one had kind of figured out was the opening sequence of our show, okay? So there's a man in a suit, dark suit in Rome going, you know, Pope John Paul, blah, blah, blah, dead.
4:36Graham Norton:And then it fades to black with just, you know, Pope John Paul, blah, blah, blah, and the dates. And then it goes to black because the opening of our show is a black screen onto which me in a white suit, Clippy Clops walks on. and pulls down a big lever that starts all this neon going off. You're the new pope.
5:00Maria McErlane:That's how you got ordained.
5:05Graham Norton:It made me laugh. It was a baptism of fire. You've done a lot of live radio, I know.
5:10Maria McErlane:Yes, I did. I don't think Alistair Campbell has ever forgiven me for once. I did his show, and he was talking about it. It was a two-hour show at midnight, so nobody was listening, Talking about the unions and there was a rail strike and I wasn't really paying attention because it was midnight and I was thinking, you were probably very, very attractive when you were younger, but you're looking a little bit drink-addled. Even though you've given up. And then he just turned to me and said, Maria, what are your thoughts? And I had to say, really sorry, Alistair wasn't listening. And he just looked like he wanted to kill me.
5:46Maria McErlane:Well, because he did. Yes, yeah, no. He must have been thinking, who booked her?
5:51Graham Norton:Yeah, no. Who thought this was a good idea?
5:53Maria McErlane:This is all fair comment. Do you remember when we did Virgin and we used to do our little chitty chats and they said to us, when the queen died, no chitty chats of hilarity, but can we do some stories about the queen? Did we? We had to do stories about the queen. And luckily, one of my gay friends was an underbutler at the palace. Oh, yes. And so told me lots of stories about, you know, doing the Gay Gordons.
6:18Graham Norton:And you spoke very movingly about our late Queen.
6:22Maria McErlane:Did I? No! Well, we were just, we were telling nice stories about the Queen, what a lovely lady she was, and how her dresser Angela used to get the shoes.
6:32Graham Norton:I saw her on a stamp once.
6:35Maria McErlane:Her dresser Angela used to get the Queen's shoes and wear them in for her. So they went ouchie.
6:41Graham Norton:Oh, that is lovely. Yeah, she'd have been so happy those stories being told on the radio. Just before we played Earth, Wind and Fire.
6:52Maria McErlane:The sex pistol gong, let the queen, the fascist regime.
6:57Graham Norton:No, I must say, I was very happy, though, that we were at Virgin when she died, rather than at the BBC. Because the BBC, it's so difficult.
7:05Maria McErlane:Well, the BBC used to constantly run kind of dummy days where if one of the royals died, they'd know what to do. I mean, you know, wear a black tie, be a bit solemn, really. But they would have run-throughs, and I think they still do that, run-throughs of, you know, if this person dies, if that person dies. And there was a level of sort of solemnity for each one, with obviously the Duke of Edinburgh, who died first, and then the Queen being...
7:31Graham Norton:Yes, we used to come in some of the day on a Saturday, and we'd go, oh, there's a lot of people here, and it would be, yeah, we were rehearsing the worst possible day.
7:38Maria McErlane:And they had sort of code names for it as well, didn't they?
7:41Graham Norton:Yeah.
7:42Maria McErlane:When we were last here, I got off the train and there was the announcement saying, is Mr. Sands in the building? Is Mr. Sands in the building? That's a fire thing. I always thought that was a fire thing.
7:54Graham Norton:Unless there's somebody called Mr. Sands, then that's very unfortunate.
7:57Maria McErlane:I would change my name.
7:59Graham Norton:Yes, if you're Mr. Sands, you shouldn't really work in the theater because...
8:03Maria McErlane:Well, they use it everywhere, don't they? It's like a generic term. And I think everyone knows that don't let everybody get panicky. But Mr. Sands, everyone knows that term. But nobody seemed to rush anywhere. And then I didn't say it on the news. I was just thinking, that's selfish. I've got to get home later.
8:19Graham Norton:Oh, no. Not a fire. Guess what, Maria? Yes. We are going to, hopefully with no terrible errors, try and give some so-so advice.
8:31Maria McErlane:I live for the errors.
8:32Graham Norton:Well, letters are incoming shortly. This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest. It's time to achieve your financial ambitions. Earn more on your savings with a SoFi Bank high-yield savings account. Ditch your higher interest credit card debt with a SoFi personal loan, or start investing on an easy-to-use platform with SoFi Invest. Wherever you are on your financial journey, SoFi has got you covered. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify.
Read the full transcript
9:06Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app. The sooner you start investing, the more potential you have to build your money. Even for beginners, SoFi makes it simple with an easy-to-use app to get you going. SoFi is offering up to$1 ,000 in stock when you open and fund a SoFi self-directed brokerage account. Learn more at SoFi.com slash Spotify. Brokerage offer through SoFi Securities LLC. Member FINRA slash SIPC. Terms apply.
9:39Graham Norton:First letter, here we go.
9:41Maria McErlane:Yes, thank you very much. Here we go.
9:45Graham Norton:There we go. I mean, we're giving advice if you can't unfold paper.
9:53Maria McErlane:Don't start with me this early. That's all I'm saying. Okay, here we go. Dear Graham and Maria, we have a dear friend who not only is great fun to get together with, but is also an amazing cook. He will literally spend 48 hours preparing food when he organises a lunch or dinner for our small group of friends. And it seems that every time he improves on the prior delivery. That is not the dilemma. We are selfishly happy with that part of the story. Good for you. Now, the real problem lies in our friend's toilet manners. He is quite a tall and big chap, so when he goes to the potty, he tends to leave quite an impression.
10:33Maria McErlane:We can live with the temporary odours, which ventilators were invented for, but the crux of our problem is that he consistently will leave a mark behind on the seat. Not inside the toilet, but on the rear of the seat. He either does not notice it or refuses to clean after finishing his duties. We have found ourselves having to clean behind him, both in our house, where we have politely nudged him to use the restroom in the basement, and in his own flat, which only has one bathroom. We simply don't want other guests to think it was us creating the brownish work of art after we used the restroom.
11:15Maria McErlane:How would you approach this sensitive topic? His food is too good to miss, and he is really a gentle giant. Single before you ask. No shit, Sherlock. There are lots of shit. We eagerly await your help. And that is from Mark and his wife in Chicago, Illinois. She doesn't get a name check, I'm afraid.
11:38Graham Norton:She's begged him not to name check her. She's busy cleaning a toilet. I must say, I've lost my appetite. I'm not sure I'd want his delicious food.
11:48Maria McErlane:Well, you know, if you put the two together, because I'm thinking if he's not going to clean up that, he's probably not washing his hands.
11:55Graham Norton:No. But also, okay, do you know how he's leaving this? mark yes i do oh do you yes i thought does he have a tail no yes and that he hasn't mentioned
12:08Maria McErlane:to anyone yes mark hasn't thought to pop that in yeah he just curls it up and pops it back in his pants because he's tall and quite big what he's doing graham is he's this is fact i can't wait
12:19Graham Norton:to hear this okay no it's genuinely i am interested because it seems to me so mysterious okay i've
12:25Maria McErlane:Done it myself. There, I said it. You sit too far back. You sit too far back for the trajectory of the poo to come out. So it sort of either crashes into or deposits on the back of the seat. Because instead of kind of sitting over the area, I'm having to demonstrate this, over the area.
12:47Graham Norton:With actual shit.
12:48Maria McErlane:Yeah. Well, I haven't been this morning, so if you don't mind. instead of going over the actual toilet bowl, you're sitting too far back, largely because he's big and tall.
12:59Graham Norton:Well, he'll have a very long knee-to-hip ratio.
13:01Maria McErlane:Very long knee-to-hip ratio and also probably quite a large buttock area.
13:06Graham Norton:And he eats all that rich food.
13:10Maria McErlane:So therefore, but how you don't know that, most people, would you say, turn around and check? Either that everything's in order or, Wow, that's a big one.
13:22Graham Norton:No, but also he must be covered in it.
13:25Maria McErlane:Well, that's what I mean. It doesn't really bear thinking about. I mean... Maybe he's a non-wiper.
13:31Graham Norton:Mark and wife, I don't know if in Chicago you have Deliveroo, but I'd go that route and just dump him.
13:39Maria McErlane:It's a dilemma because the food is gorgeous, Graham, and we really enjoy it. And every time we come, he makes a bigger effort in both areas. Yeah. Wow. Listen, I just think this is something that you have to hit on. And if you're hit on head first, if you're good friends, you have to say, hey, let's call him Bob. Hey, Bob, you know, when you go to the loo, I think you're doing a little bit on the back of the seat, just to let you know.
14:07Graham Norton:I mean, isn't it the thing where, and it's awful, because if you bring it up, it will, hopefully he'll be mortified. Hopefully he'll be really embarrassed. But it's once. You just say it the once.
14:19Maria McErlane:And then he's looking forever.
14:21Graham Norton:And then hopefully he'll never do it again.
14:23Maria McErlane:I think also British people have a much more direct approach concerning anything to do with poo because we're quite fond of that notion. You know, when people go on holiday, they go, have you been today? Like Americans wouldn't think of checking whether or not you're regular. So I think it's more of a horrible thing for them to say than it would be for us.
14:44Graham Norton:Well, you don't need to ask a friend, do you? Have you been today? You know he's been.
14:48Maria McErlane:Yeah, but no. You know that we are quite obsessed. We like farts, we laugh a lot at fart jokes, and poo, we also find funny. So you do have to just say, look, Bob, you know, this is a bit embarrassing for me to say, but you are leaving something behind on the actual toilet seat, not in the ball, on the seat. Just thought I'd tell you that once. Anyway, I'm just off to wash my hands.
15:10Graham Norton:Yeah, which you can do if you'd like.
15:14Maria McErlane:Especially before you make us that delicious food. But I can't believe that they still want to eat his food
15:19Graham Norton:when he's smearing crap all over the toilet and then staggering out to do some chopping.
15:24Maria McErlane:I can't believe that he goes to do a number two so late in the day, so consistently. Oh, wow. Okay.
15:32Graham Norton:Thanks, Mum.
15:35Maria McErlane:It's like every time they're around for dinner, he's leaving something on the...
15:38Graham Norton:Well, this rich food goes straight through him. You know what he's like?
15:41Maria McErlane:Shall we see what the wangers say? I don't think they're going to be very sympathetic to Mark.
15:45Graham Norton:Can I just say, I don't think we got that graphic or disgusting during that. We've been much worse than this.
15:50Maria McErlane:Stephen in Glasgow says, does the private dining experience outweigh the clean-up afterwards? If it does, then get the clothes pegs out and start scrubbing. If it doesn't, then go out for a meal so he can shit on their seats.
16:06Maria McErlane:Then at least someone will be getting paid to clean that up. Not enough, frankly. Nobody needs to do that for someone else. Isn't it funny? When you go to public toilets, I'm always amazed.
16:18Graham Norton:I always go, wow, somebody walked out of this cubicle going, there you go. That's good. Yeah, done. Done and dusted. I find that baffling. Yeah. That people kind of think that's okay.
16:31Maria McErlane:When you say people, you mean men.
16:33Graham Norton:Well, and you.
16:35Maria McErlane:Only in my own home. And no, I didn't walk out going, that's okay. I went, oh my goodness, where's the bleach? and then I fell over because I was drunk.
16:46Graham Norton:You drank the beach and were hospitalised.
16:51Maria McErlane:Donna, in America we say, holy crap, and in this case it fits the dilemma perfectly. What a tough one. However, it does need to be addressed. Place disinfectant wipes in the bathroom so there's something readily available for clean-up. Well, that's no point if he doesn't know that he's doing it.
17:07Graham Norton:You can pop a poster on it. These are for you, Bob.
17:10Maria McErlane:We're calling him Bob.
17:11Graham Norton:Yeah.
17:11Maria McErlane:I think, yes, what about a laminated form just above the toilet thing, cistern? Oh, yes. Saying, please check the loose seat before leaving.
17:22Graham Norton:Yes.
17:23Maria McErlane:And use these.
17:24Graham Norton:If you're called Bob and very tall. If your knee to hip ratio is the same as Bob's, please check you haven't shat on the toilet seat.
17:34Maria McErlane:Rachel says, hey, my cistern has a really weak flush. Can you just make sure? Oh, she says, say this. Hey.
17:43Graham Norton:I thought Rachel was just telling us about her cistern. Yes, I did not. Wow. So what do we look like, plumbers?
17:49Maria McErlane:Rachel says, say, hey, my cistern has a really weak flush. Can you just make sure you use the brush if the poop sticks? Yeah, but it's not in the bowl.
17:59Graham Norton:Let Rachel have it.
18:00Maria McErlane:Okay, okay. If your friends have a sense of humour, say, be like MI6 and leave no evidence behind when you go to the loo. Make sure suitable equipment is in the loo for use. And if you find he ignores this, I suggest you get acquainted with the Uber Eats. Very good.
18:17Graham Norton:Yeah, I'm so with Rachel.
18:19Maria McErlane:And Richard says, what a shitty problem. A relationship literally on the skids. It's a really crappy thing.
18:32Maria McErlane:Do not tease Richard. It's a really crappy thing to have to deal with. But just tell him. In all seriousness, this is a man-to-man conversation. No disrespect to you lady listeners, but us men can handle poo.
18:48Graham Norton:And then make food.
18:52Maria McErlane:That is quite a yucky one, isn't it? To kick off with, frankly.
18:57Graham Norton:We don't know what letter two is. Number two. We don't know what it is. This might be the highlight of our day. Oh, my goodness. This could be elevated erudite chat compared to what's coming. Mark and wife. I like the anonymous wife. Nameless wife. Yeah, she's in a witness protection program. Never say my name again. Maybe there's some helpful advice in that. I think really all the advice is saying you've got to say something. It's horrible. I do think maybe leaving some disaffected wives, and even with a note on them, you know, don't use his name, but just say, you know, we've had some...
19:38Maria McErlane:I think it's a conversation that you have where you say, Bob, just come with me for a moment, and then you say, listen, I think because you're so tall, you're not... Anyway, it's on the loose seat quite often when you go.
19:52Graham Norton:Yeah.
19:52Maria McErlane:So you kind of point to the area because he might think, ooh, do they mean I'm leaving sort of skiddies in the bowl? But it's not. It's on the seat where people will sit afterwards.
20:01Graham Norton:That's so mysterious. so I just don't really understand it. Hey, if you've got a problem like Mark's, well, not exactly like Mark's, dear God, then you could get in touch. You could just email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk, and we will promise to give you some so-so advice. Now, I am told that I'm in a position to guarantee that our next letter has nothing to do with poop. Hurrah! Evening, buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.
20:39Graham Norton:So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. This one goes out to all my ladies, All my multitasking mamas who need energy to show up at work and at home. All my empty nest explorers who need a little gut health support for the journey ahead. AG1 is the daily health drink designed to support whole body health with over 75 essential nutrients and pre and probiotics. So you can make the most of every day and every decade.
21:20Graham Norton:Learn more at drinkag1.com. In a moment. Maria, Maria, how do wangers get these episodes as soon as they drop?
21:30Maria McErlane:Oh, well, you see, Graham, you can tap follow on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube or your podcast app of choice. Totally free. Plus on Spotify, you can tap the little bell icon and then you get notified when a new episode drops.
21:46Graham Norton:They really have thought of everything. What a world, Maria.
21:49Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.
21:51Graham Norton:Have you noticed there's now a fly? We've just talked about shit and a fly's arrived.
21:55Maria McErlane:Exactly. That's why I'm looking around thinking, when was Raffy last here?
22:00Graham Norton:He left a deposit. He didn't even in a drawer. Forgot. Oh, I haven't seen that dog in months.
22:07Maria McErlane:Hello, Raffy. Oh. Oh. Say nothing. Say nothing. Say nothing. No one will notice. Okay, letter numero deux. Dear Graham and Maria, I recently borrowed my son's laptop to do some work while mine had a flat battery. I had been on it for less than five minutes when I found two adult web addresses in his history and some pornographic search items in his Google bar. He's 17 and such a good boy. I've never had any trouble with him. I'm just so surprised. And it feels really weird. I didn't click on the porn sites, so I don't know what he's watched, but his search terms didn't look problematic as such.
22:49Maria McErlane:I can't get it out of my mind. and he'd be mortified if I asked him about it. I have no idea what I'd say anyway. Am I supposed to just forget about it? Impossible. Or try and sit him down for a chat? Awkward. Part of me thinks I should delegate this to his father, but then he likes to avoid uncomfortable conversations even more than I do. Gelsa please. Help, please. And that is from Beth. Beth, you might have been using the computer. Nobody told you to check his history. But she has now. Yeah, she has now. Also, he's 17. You know, you either find a magazine under his pillow with... Like the olden days.
23:33Maria McErlane:Like the olden days with ladies and men's bits.
23:36Graham Norton:Some hieroglyphics. Some really naughty hieroglyphics.
23:41Maria McErlane:They were doing it in the caveman era. Oh, yeah. Mammoth.
23:46Graham Norton:Look at that hairy mammoth.
23:47Maria McErlane:I think he's 17. He's almost an adult, you know, he's going to look at porn sites. That is inevitable. That is kind of a given. You can't do anything about it. And it just proves he's a healthy young man that needs to, you know.
24:03Graham Norton:I mean, I think it's sweet that Beth goes, I'm just so surprised. Don't be. I'm surprised that you were surprised. You've got a 17-year-old young man living in your house. You know, porn will be accessed. I think the only thing you can do as a parent, given that you're saying his search terms aren't problematic and all that sort of stuff, is to somehow, I think the thing to tell a young person is that porn isn't the same as sex. Do you know what I mean? The way that people have sex in porn isn't that, don't expect sex to be like that.
24:38Maria McErlane:And I think a lot of young people do worry, both men and women, worry that what they see on porn sites is how it is, and it's so not how it is.
24:46Graham Norton:And also, don't be like that with women when you actually have a real woman in your life or a real man, whatever he's looking for. And I think there's a way of having that conversation that never references that you saw his search history or that you know he's using porn. Like, you could be watching something on TV and it might come up. or just there's a, I think there's a way.
25:09Maria McErlane:Beth sounds like a person though that doesn't really want to broach that subject at all and her husband even less so. So, you know, I mean, some people find it very difficult to talk about sex to their children because in their heads, that little boy who's now 17 is still a little boy. My little boy, you know, who's kind of unsullied by all of that stuff. You need to get over that, Beth. He's going to watch porn. If you want to have a conversation with him, just say, by the way, just remember porn films are not like real life and be kind to women, not like they are in the porn films. Yeah.
25:42Graham Norton:And it will, yes, and it will ever be, don't expect it to be performative in that way and all that sort of stuff. But you're right, because Beth is genuinely surprised her 17-year-old son is having a wank, I doubt that she will be comfortable, you're right, bringing up the subject of porn and how it misrepresents sex. Maybe you could make the father step up to the plate or something. Or maybe, do they talk about this stuff in school? You feel like they should. Don't think so. In some sort of, you know, don't they do some sort of sex education?
26:14Maria McErlane:Well, I think he's a bit old for that now. At 17, normally you have that sort of conversation when you're about all that teaching.
26:22Graham Norton:Why was the teaching happened way after you all knew what was going on anyway?
26:25Maria McErlane:Well, yes, but I mean, we had a bit of stuff about, you know, birds and bees. And if mummy really loves daddy, then a thing happens. but we didn't have any graphics on that.
26:36Graham Norton:Yeah.
26:36Maria McErlane:It was just a thing happens and he will put a baby in mummy's tummy, which freaked me out even more. It's like, where did he get the baby from?
26:43Graham Norton:Well, I can remember a teacher once asked us, was telling us a bit about, you know, birds and bees and lying down with each other.
26:51Maria McErlane:Lying down.
26:52Graham Norton:And people have been asking him questions and he obviously didn't like, he wasn't enjoying this conversation. So he wanted to move on. So somebody raised their hand and went, oh, can gay people, or probably homosexuals, can homosexuals have babies? And he said yes. But in a kind of like, I think maybe he went that, you know, they're fertile, like, or, you know, a lesbian woman who can have a baby, or a gay man is a man who produces sperm, da, da, da. But in my head, I thought, oh, right. Okay, so they're like a third sex. They're kind of the fact that gay people can have babies. and I could see no way that I could have a baby.
27:33Graham Norton:So I just assumed, well, I can't be gay because there's obviously some physical difference.
27:37Maria McErlane:Oh my God, Graham, that's just making my heart hurt.
27:40Graham Norton:Well, all I would say is teachers need to be very careful what they say to stupid children like me.
27:44Maria McErlane:Well, and also by kind of not mentioning the full thing and sort of going round the houses where mummy and daddy really love each other, sometimes they lie down and then a baby comes and you just think, what? You know, they have to be clear because there will be more questions and then they normally say, as it was, no questions. I will be taking no questions at this time.
28:06Graham Norton:Before the gay people have babies, I can't remember what his story was, but it was something about a flower bed. That was the bed he was talking about. Flowers? Flowers. I guess it was, I don't know.
28:19Maria McErlane:Was this specifically only for gay people to be in a flower bed? No, no, no. Everyone's in a flower bed before a baby comes. I think something like that. I love that you thought that through and thought there's a third sex.
28:29Graham Norton:Well, because he said they're going to have babies and I was like, well, I can't have a baby. You were thinking where could it come out? Out, yes.
28:36Maria McErlane:Shall I see what the wangs have to say?
28:38Graham Norton:I hope they're all very kind to Beth because Beth seems to me like a very sweet woman who has, I feel for Beth because for her, 17 years have flown by. Of course. They have flown by.
28:50Maria McErlane:He's still her baby.
28:51Graham Norton:And now she's having to face this moment of, oh, he's a grubby man.
28:56Maria McErlane:Yeah, get with the program, Beth. Get with the program, lady. Oh, my God. Yes, there it is. OK. Andrew the barge dweller. Oh, yes. Not, in brackets, in Amsterdam. He is almost a fully grown adult. His behaviour is normal. Any advice you might have sensibly offered about porn and sex should have been given years ago, Trudet. Try minding your own business, as you should have done in the first place, not nosing about in his history. You finding the knowledge difficult to live with is a small punishment for your inability to grasp his autonomy and respect it. Ooh, Andrew is pulling no punches there.
29:36Graham Norton:I think, Andrew, you're being a bit unfair. You know, the laptop was there. It was open. You know, it's not like reading a diary, you know. It kind of is. I don't think so. Not if it's open. You know, obviously, this isn't the first time they've ever used each other's laptops. And he uses it at school. You know, other people are going to look at this laptop. So don't be surprised if somebody sees your search history. Johanna in Malaga says, you've got nothing to worry about.
30:04Maria McErlane:He's a teenager and he's got the internet and curiosity about porn is normal. I'd be less worried about the porn and more concerned that he doesn't know to use incognito browsing or to wipe his search history. So make sure to explain the need for private browsing for searches of a personal nature. and make sure he also knows that school, university and future workplace computers are not okay for this. That's actually quite good advice.
30:32Graham Norton:That's really good advice.
30:33Maria McErlane:Why didn't we think of that?
30:34Graham Norton:Isn't it funny that both our problems have come down to wiping?
30:40Maria McErlane:We're obsessed. We are obsessed. Very good joke. That is very good advice. Yeah, no, that's good. That's the way to approach it, I think, just the same. Oh, by the way, you know, going forward. Going forward. Who are you again? Oh, my son.
30:56Graham Norton:As you wank into the future.
31:00Maria McErlane:V says, he's simply curious. It's okay. If you're uncomfortable, delegate this to his father. But someone talked to him about porn versus reality at least. Nothing wrong otherwise. True, true.
31:14Graham Norton:Damien's going to talk dirty to us. Okay, so as a father of two boys of a similar age, I think this is perfectly normal for them to be exploring their sexuality in this way. and you have to ask yourself, who is the conversation for? And if you're trying to get him to stop doing it, I don't think that's going to work, and could potentially make it worse if he thinks sex is a bad thing. Instead, have an open and honest conversation if you want to have one, and pick the person who's best able to do that. Gender doesn't matter. Keep it short, sweet, get it over with for all concerned, but let him know that he can always ask questions if he has any.
31:53Graham Norton:That's not bad advice because you don't want to shame him. No. But I do think it's just, I think explaining what porn is and what it's for is a useful thing to do.
32:04Maria McErlane:I do think that there's a feeling of, I don't want to sully my relationship with him in some way because by bringing sex into it, because you don't want to acknowledge that this little boy is now grown and, as you say, has turned into a grubby man. Yeah. Kate in Pembrokeshire. Oh, yes. As a mother of three daughters, age 22, 20 and 18, I implore you to get over the awkwardness and have open conversations with him. Your son is 17. Perfect. You can do this while you're teaching him how to drive or when he's a passenger in a never-ending taxi that you're running. Car chats work. This is good advice.
32:44Maria McErlane:They're much easier than face-to-face and he can't escape. We're very lucky to have an open and honest relationship with our daughters. I cherish our chats. I've encouraged friends who are mothers of boys to talk to them about consent, contraception, and porn. And without exception, they've said it was a positive experience. It's a privilege to be a parent, but it's a responsibility too. And it's our job to bring up decent humans. That's all very true, Kate.
33:10Graham Norton:Round of applause for Kate in Pembrokeshire. Also wise. A little bit smug. No, the car chats, the car chats are... Maria hates her because she's nice. and clever, and insightful.
33:23Maria McErlane:No, I think... I cherish the chats I have with my daughters. I know, I'm being mean. Yeah, you really are. Sorry, Kate.
33:31Graham Norton:No, I think Kate's absolutely bang on the money because, you know, it is a responsibility. It's a pleasure to be a parent, but it is a responsibility. And I think car chats is genius.
33:43Maria McErlane:Isn't it great? Anything can be discussed in the car because you're both looking forward going, I'm not going to look at you, I'm not going to look at you.
33:50Graham Norton:Yeah, and you can't slam a door. You can't run up the stairs.
33:53Maria McErlane:You can't get out of the car. Well, you'd be silly if you did. No more porn for you.
33:59Graham Norton:Yeah. Problem solved.
34:03Maria McErlane:I mean, there will be a bit of, Mom, don't talk to me about that.
34:06Graham Norton:When one door opens, a window closes.
34:12Graham Norton:Beth, thank you so much for sharing your dilemma. I hope you enjoyed that advice. I thought it was really thoughtful and great by the wangers. So thanks to them as well. And just in case Beth is reading, do leave your advice in the comments section below. We'd all like to know it. Right, coming up is Am I Weird, which is denoted by this very jingle. Am I weird?
34:35Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird, Graham, is an anonymous submission.
34:40Graham Norton:Oh, it's got to be a good one.
34:40Maria McErlane:Say that. Hi, Graham and Maria. When I go on holiday, I like to take my duvet with me. It's a single duvet, and I like to put it on...
34:52Graham Norton:The anonymity's making more sense now.
34:55Maria McErlane:I don't know why. And I like to put it in its own hand-luggage-sized suitcase. When in hotels or an Airbnb, I sleep on top of the duvet that they have provided and snuggle under my own. For shorter trips, I don't take it, but longer trips and ones where we're using a car, I like to bring it along. am I weird?
35:17Graham Norton:I would say stay in nicer hotels.
35:21Maria McErlane:Yes, is it about hygiene, do you think? Because she's sleeping on top of something that's riddled with nastiness.
35:27Graham Norton:It's worse to sleep on top of it, I'd call. I feel that too.
35:29Maria McErlane:That's going to crawl up and inside you. But I think sometimes people do feel a bit kind of like hygiene. How many people have slept in this bed before me? How many, you know, all of that. So that is obviously giving Anonymous a false sense of security by taking her own duvet.
35:48Graham Norton:But also, it's a weird thing, is that like the people take their own pillows on trips.
35:53Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, really.
35:53Graham Norton:I mean, I guess if it helps you enjoy your trip, if you're having a nicer time because you brought your duvet or your pillow, then good luck to you. I'm just very glad I don't have this problem.
36:04Maria McErlane:Yeah, I don't have this problem either. And I think I've always tried to avoid all of those things because seeing people who take their own pillows and kettles and tea bags on holiday, You know, you see them on the plane with them. Yes. We bought our own tea bags and we bought some Bovril as well. I kind of think, please, God, don't let me be one of those people.
36:22Graham Norton:I know someone who, when they travel, they bring their own plate because they can only eat eggs off that plate.
36:31Maria McErlane:Well, you see, that is weird.
36:33Graham Norton:I'm hoping they ride in.
36:34Maria McErlane:Yeah. We mustn't ever let these things creep into our psyches because it's a slippery fly.
36:42Graham Norton:It's Bob's shit fly.
36:45Maria McErlane:Bob should fly. Yeah, I think it's to be careful because it will be a duvet and then next it will be a bowl or something like that.
36:54Graham Norton:It's in your hair now.
36:55Maria McErlane:Don't. It'll never get out with that much lacquer in.
36:59Graham Norton:Yeah, it's heavy. It's got heavy little feet now.
37:03Maria McErlane:I'm a fly, but I cannot fly. I heard some people talking about shit. I thought I'd pop my because I'm a shitty fly. what are we saying to the weird um i think it's just one of those things that becomes a habit um we must try and avoid those things i think if if you don't have to do it on short trips
37:24Graham Norton:i would try to wean yourself off it because you know luggage is is luggage is the greatest bore about travel and you're giving yourself literally extra luggage uh so i think try and wean yourself off it. You're not weird, but I think you're making your life more difficult, not better. Yeah. I would say.
37:44Maria McErlane:You're absolutely right, Graeme, because it's not necessary every single time. It's not saying I can't actually sleep unless I have my blankie. Yeah.
37:51Graham Norton:My own duvet.
37:53Maria McErlane:Single duvet.
37:54Graham Norton:Oh yeah, single duvet.
37:55Maria McErlane:In its own suitcase.
37:56Graham Norton:I mean, it would have been much worse in the olden days when she had to bring blankets, sheets and eider down. Now it's just a duvet.
38:05Maria McErlane:Duvet. Do you remember the days of sheets and blankets. Yes, I do. Oh my goodness. Yes, I do.
38:11Graham Norton:They were exhausting.
38:12Maria McErlane:I was a chambermaid and had to deal with sheets and blankets.
38:15Graham Norton:Ooh. And shit. Oh yes, and Bob's big brown streak.
38:20Maria McErlane:There's nothing I ain't seen, Graham, while I was chambermaiding.
38:25Graham Norton:And on that disgusting note, we end this episode of Wanging On with Graham and Maria.
38:31Maria McErlane:Do remember, we're not experts and nobody thinks we are, ever. So if you need genuine help, seek it from the proper channels. You can find more information on my Instagram bio, which is at wangingon. You'd think I'd know it by now, but no.
38:44Graham Norton:Wangingon with Gran Maria is a platform media production. I got it in one, goddammit. We'll see you next week. Goodbye, everybody.
38:59Ouch.
39:00Graham Norton:This knee is killing me. But I can't stop training. The marathon is in two weeks. Let's get on ZocDoc and find a doctor to take a look at that for you. Okay. Here's a review. Dr. Craddock really takes his time. No, I don't have time. What about Dr. Charles? His patients say he can help find a quick fix, and he's in network. Great, now we're talking. Book it. Booked. One mile down, 19 to go. Bring it on. You've got options. Download the ZocDoc app today. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay.
39:45Graham Norton:Or not.
39:47Maria McErlane:We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other.
39:52Graham Norton:FX is the bear. The final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+.
From the publisher
Graham and Maria tackle a listener dilemma about a teenager watching porn, leading to a chat about sex education and why, as Graham puts it, “porn is not the same as sex”.
They also share some hilarious memories of their worst on-air bloopers and gaffes!
All that plus terrible toilet hygiene and the creature comforts you take on holiday.
📧 If you have a dilemma for the show, email WangingOn@listen.co.uk!
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Platform Media.
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📲 Follow Wanging On on social media for clips and dilemmas: - Follow us on Instagram: @wangingon - Follow us on TikTok: @wangingon - Follow us on Facebook @wangingon
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⚠️ Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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📖 Chapters: 00:00 Coming Up...00:33 Worst Bloopers and Gaffes!07:38 Poo Missing the Toilet 🤦🏻♂️18:51 Porn in his Browser History?31:31 Duvet Cover Time!
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