In short
“Wanging On” episode mixes ads with listener dilemmas. Main segments: (1) a husband complains his wife’s increasingly heavy fake tan stains bedsheets; hosts discuss why people get hooked on tanning and practical/softer fixes. (2) Abby’s dilemma: she earns more than her best friend and wants more “grown-up” holidays (hotels/spas) without ruining the friendship. (3) “Am I Weird?”: Eli says he’s in his 30s, never been to London, and has no intention of going.
Guests
No named guests appear; hosts are Graham and Maria, with their toy poodle Rafi. Listener correspondents include Ed (Chelmsford), Lou (Perth), Emma, Angela, Bill, Abby (Cambridge), Morgan, Ryan, Ruth, Pete, and Eli (St Ives).
Key claims/examples
Fake tan can become a confidence “crutch”/dysmorphia; advice includes using non-permanent tan, higher-end products, or “separate beds.” For holidays: “drip feed” treats, do a half-and-half (boogie/budget) approach, or keep budgets/trade-offs (staycation, split trips). Eli is judged “weird” for refusing London; hosts cite culture/museums/theatres and joke about “Flix bus” danger.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOSeasons Changing
0:00 to 0:52
Discussion on the transition from summer to autumn and its impact.
“For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.”
Seasons Changing
2:14 to 3:06
Discussion on the transition from summer to autumn and its impact.
“It's a podcast from myself and my good friend Maria McCurlin, attempt to solve your dilemmas with mixed results.”
School Days Reflections
3:06 to 4:52
Graham and Maria share their experiences and feelings about school.
“Long nights and, you know, cold days, no.”
Parental Expectations
4:52 to 6:10
Exploration of parental pressure regarding academic performance.
“What age were you when you started realizing that?”
Missing Telly and the Past
6:10 to 10:01
Graham reminisces about his childhood and the impact of television.
“You can't be any brighter than your genes allow.”
Missing Telly and the Past
10:04 to 10:40
Graham reminisces about his childhood and the impact of television.
“When you're 7-Eleven's hottest fire chicken sandwich, people think you're intense.”
Advice on Fake Tan
10:40 to 14:01
Discussion on a listener's dilemma about his wife's fake tan use.
“Okay, dear Graham and Maria, I love my wife.”
Discussion on Tanning Dilemmas
14:01 to 19:58
Exploration of various opinions on tanning and its social implications.
“You give people a gift of a makeover where they would go and have, you know, makeup done.”
Navigating Holiday Budgets with Friends
20:08 to 28:01
Advice on balancing personal budgets while traveling with friends who earn less.
“With pickles or spicy mayo and jalapenos.”
Navigating Holiday Dilemmas
28:01 to 31:54
Explore different holiday options and friendships during travel planning.
“I know, but we didn't give up with an actual slogan.”
Show all 12 chapters
Am I Weird? A Letter from Eli
31:55 to 35:38
A discussion on the notion of being 'weird' for not wanting to visit London.
“Okay, a reminder, if you have a dilemma and you want us to help, then the address is wangingon at listen.co.uk.”
Am I Weird? A Letter from Eli
38:03 to 39:05
A discussion on the notion of being 'weird' for not wanting to visit London.
“And the UPS Store is here to help you ace arriving on campus.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them and liver problems may occur.
0:40Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit Tremfierradio.com. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.
1:08Maria McErlane:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast! An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, man. Bye. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT Security Systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry. so you're always supported during an emergency.
1:52When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. You spent a million pounds, and you're staying in a youth hostel in Barcelona.
2:05Maria McErlane:Who are these people who are writing it to us? Oi, you. You look like a poop emoji.
2:13Hello, and welcome to Wanging On with Graeme and Maria. It's a podcast from myself and my good friend Maria McCurlin, attempt to solve your dilemmas with mixed results. Hello to Maria and your small friend.
2:25Maria McErlane:Yes, this is Rafi, the toy poodle. Thank you for joining us, Rafi. Doesn't seem that interesting. No, he found he had nothing else on, so he thought he might as well. At a loose end, as twer. There's obviously a mouse over there or something. He'll dart off in a moment. Maria? Yes, darling? Is the summer over? No, please. Please don't say it's over. It's only September. The nights are drawing in. They are, but we do normally get in the nice September. People have been saying that for the last few years, and it's not true. I think it's just to stave off the onset of winter. I mean, this is my least favourite, least favourite sort of season, even though we don't have seasons anymore.
3:02Maria McErlane:Autumn, really. We're going into autumn, aren't we? Do you not like putting out your sweaters? No. Your winter wardrobe? No. Long nights and, you know, cold days, no. Well, of course, and you live by the seaside, So it does become a bit drach. Drach. Yes, it does. Which you don't notice as much in London. I always say to people when they move down to the seaside, summer is lovely and you'll think, why didn't I move here earlier? And then once the winter comes, you look at the sea and on day four, you fill your Wellington boots with stones and walk into the sea. It's that sort of advice we'll be dishing out today.
3:41Don't you worry. Yeah.
3:44Maria McErlane:I always like to look on the bright side of things. So I always tell people, you must go back up to London to, you know, Selfridges and other shops. Selfridges and buy big boots. Just, you know, remember that it's not all C, that's all. Yeah, not all at C. Isn't it funny, when I was a kid, I used to hate this time of year, but now I quite like it. I like getting back to work and things being busy and everyone being back in city again. You're weird. No, but it's good. Whereas when you're a kid, you don't want the summer to end. Well, always the school started again on the 5th of September. Really?
4:17Maria McErlane:Yeah. Always remember. For me, I always remember that. And that was, you know, it's like Sunday nights multiplied by 100 in terms of fear. I bet you were popular at school. Popular. You were, weren't you? Gotta be popular. Yes, thank you. That's enough of that. Thank you. Yes. We've established popular. I was quite popular, but I was very naughty and disruptive. Yes. You? No, I head down. I would have hated you at school. You wouldn't have noticed me. Really? No, no. I was just getting through it. I knew if I could just get through this incredible, awful, boring patch of life, things would be much better.
4:59Maria McErlane:What age were you when you started realizing that? Eight? Yeah, probably six, seven, eight. I'm sad for you. Was there any joy to be found? I don't remember much fun. Oh, Graham. You know, I liked television. That was nice, coming home and turning on the box. And were your parents quite strict about doing well at school? Not really, no. I mean, you know... Your mum is quite a sort of hard taskmaster. I can imagine her not letting you get away with anything. I cite the appendix operation that you didn't need. Well, I always remember when I was doing some exams or something, my mother gave me a good luck card.
5:39And inside it said, remember, you can only do your best, but do it.
5:45Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. That is an Irish mammy right there. It's good advice, though, isn't it? Well, it is, yeah. But it's also there's something kind of a bit chilling about that. You could have left it at that. You can only do your best. And we love you regardless. Yeah. But no. But I think it's important to remember that you can only do your best. But, you know, do push yourself. Be the best person you can be. Yeah. But you can't be a different person. You can't be clever. You can't be any brighter than your genes allow. You're only as clever as you are. You see, I managed to get under the wire because I was a sort of third child.
6:24Maria McErlane:Obviously, no one was paying any attention. No one was paying any attention. So long as she had a uniform on and left the house. That's right. Well, no. And I did used to leave the house. And one day we had somebody staying with us whose parents were horrible to them. So they kind of camped out with us. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, that was nice. And I decided I was going to stay with her that day and not go to school. So I hid in the cupboard. Well done. Yeah. And then by lunchtime, obviously really bored and a bit hot. That's the thing. Yeah. When people talk about, you know, playing truant or hooky from school, it was like, yeah, not abandon County Cork.
6:57School was more interesting than wandering the streets of abandoned County Gork for the day.
7:02Maria McErlane:So I was really bored by lunchtime and a bit hot, and so I went into the little box room, as our house had, and jumped out of the window and then went in the back door and said to my mum, oh, I thought I'd come home for lunch today. Ah, and was she pleased to see you? No. Who are you? Yes. Which one's this? What have you done with my daughter? Do you know what I do like about this time of year? Oh, don't what? No, no. My favourite thing about this time of year is when you're out walking a dog, you know, the... You don't have a dog, by the way. I might do by now. See, I do. Rafi disagrees. We just said dog, that's all.
7:39Maria McErlane:We didn't say there was one. Oi! Yeah. Does Rafi really know the word dog? No. Dog. But he knows some people have arrived. Oh. And they're probably coming in to kill us. The Manson family are behind the curtain Oh no It could happen Not again Yes When you're out walking your dog So cross Is that thing where The nights are drawn in People don't pull their curtains But they turn lights on And you like looking in Oh I love looking in all the houses And do you wish to be in their houses? Do you wish to have their lives? Years ago I used to I used to too But now I like my own life. Yeah. And my own house.
8:23Maria McErlane:Yeah. Yeah. It's good that you've finally come to that conclusion after 60 years on the planet. Yes. Well, I remember. Two years, I think. No, I remember someone had broken into the flat and television was stolen. Whose flat? Whose flat? Your flat? My own. Yeah, my own flat. This was years ago. And I just remember walking past the houses and looking at the television. Is that mine? Flickering in the thing. Just thinking, oh, I wish I was in there watching that. Oh, look. Oh, you had your telly stolen? Yeah, no telly. How long did it take you to get another one? A long time, actually. Really? Yeah, a long time.
8:53Maria McErlane:Is that when you determined, I will be on that television that I don't have? Yes, one day. It's only a matter of time. Soon I won't be able to see myself on television. I must write the script now for when I'm on television. For when I am. Okay. All right, first problem coming up. Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next.
9:36Visit your nearest croc store today. Go further with the American Express Business Gold Card. Earn three times membership rewards points on flights and prepaid hotels when you book through amextravel.com. Whether your destination is a business conference or a client meeting, your purchases will help you earn more points for future trips. Experience more on your travels with Amex Business Gold. Terms apply. Learn more at americanexpress.com slash business dash gold. Amex Business Gold Card. Built for business by American Express. When you're 7-Eleven's hottest fire chicken sandwich, people think you're intense.
10:15Well, yeah, I'm hot! Oh, yeah, intense. Want to see if you can handle the heat? Then try me. With pickles or spicy mayo and jalapenos. Oh, and it's all just$4.99. That's a deal almost as hot as I am. Almost? Sweets? No. Spicy? See for yourself. $4.99 and only at 7-11. Ballad through 825-26. Participating stores only while supplies last. Visit store for full terms. Very shortly.
10:44Maria? Yeah? Pop your glasses on. Read that.
10:47Maria McErlane:I am going to open a letter. Yes, it's the first letter. Do you know it's the first letter? Ravi seems very interested. Did they send meat? Yes. Okay, dear Graham and Maria, I love my wife. Whatever. I love my wife. We've been together for over ten years. She's drop-dead gorgeous and the centre of attention in any room she walks into. Goodness. Sounds like he's punching up, doesn't it? But over the last couple of years, she's started to use more and more fake tan. What's worse is what it does to our bedsheets. I hate waking up next to all these gross smudges and stains. She's clearly happy looking so unnatural.
11:30Maria McErlane:So do I really just have to put up with it and shut up? That is from Ed in Chelmsford. I'm here to tell you, Ed, that people are dying in the world. But there you are.
11:43Maria McErlane:Ed in Chelmsford, it's almost like he hasn't noticed this and then he has. I feel that this has been a cumulative thing, hasn't it? Surely, you know. Yes, I think many coats. One has a fake tan. Many coats, exactly, like creosote. Yeah. But also it's that thing slightly of when people start to have their lips pumped and then the day after they've had their lips pumped, it's quite swollen and they like that look and then it goes away and gets, I'm told this, I haven't had mine done. You might notice I have no lips. And then they like the swollen look, so they go and have more. It's a bit like that with the tanning.
12:18Maria McErlane:You just think, it becomes a crutch. I just need a bit more tanning. If I was a bit browner, I would have a bit more confidence. These are all confidence boosters, aren't they? It's about a mask, surely. A mask. I think that's what Ed should be focusing on, that obviously your wife, as drop-dead gorgeous as she is, obviously doesn't feel that inside. And she feels like she's got to, you know, look like a DFS sofa to go out into the world. DFS sofa? Are they all that brown? I mean, it does feel like the cumulative effect of this is the build-up. She probably needs a bit of a power wash to get back to where she was.
12:57Maria McErlane:That would make her feel naked. But I think she needs, rather than a power wash, yes, that power wash, but also a power boost. I think, you know, Ed, you're writing to us and telling us your wife's drop-gorgeous. Tell her. You know, remind her that you still find her really beautiful and lovely. But quite often, women do things not for their husbands, not for other men, but for other women. I think this is a popular misconception. Yeah. Because women are so judgy. And what is it? Am I fatter than her? Am I browner than her? Am I lips bigger than her? There's an awful lot of that that goes on. Is there some sort of dysmorphia where when she looks in the mirror, she thinks, I'm still not tan enough?
13:36Yeah, absolutely.
13:37Maria McErlane:And I think that's the same with plastic surgery because you have one thing done and you think, that looks good. But now that's made my nose look a little bit off. Now I have to have that done. So, you know, it's again, it's an addictive process. And it's all because we are never told that we're enough. So the tanning thing is symptomatic, Ed, I think. And you have to step up slightly. Do you think? Remember, it used to be a thing. You give people a gift of a makeover where they would go and have, you know, makeup done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you still do that? Can you still do that? Because they might take some of it off.
14:11Because if some of it came off and then he really goes hog wild on, oh, my God, this is the best you've ever looked. You look amazing. But I don't know how you get to the point where she takes some of it off because she's not going to want to hear from you, Ed, if the news is you don't look good.
14:29Maria McErlane:I think maybe get some of her friends involved, Ed. I know that's difficult, but I know. And also, I don't know, like friends aren't going to want to say that. Oi, you. You look like a poop emoji.
14:46Maria McErlane:And you smell like one, two, yay. Another bottle of wine. Hooray, have we told her she looks like Criacet lately? I don't know what the answer is to this. I kind of want to hang out with your wife, Ed, for a moment. Well, and just get a wet wipe and attack her. Yeah. That's not going to come off easily, though. That's going to need nail varnish remover. In an aerosol. There you go. Now, just a reminder, if you want to be one of the privileged wangers who get an early look at these problems, just email us, wangingon at listen.co.uk. These people did, and these are their advices. Yeah, I hope they're better than us.
15:25Maria McErlane:This is Lou in Perth. I think she's a regular. I know. Her problem is she's got very little going on in her life. She's got a budgery card. Oh, yeah, she's got that loud budgie. Do you remember? Lou in Perth says, a few ideas. Joe. Joe the budgie. Yeah. It's probably dead by now. The neighbours killed it. She knitted her a new one. Lou in Perth says, a few ideas. You could treat it to a tanning salon appointment. You could make a comment on the smell, which is basically chemical biscuits. It is, actually. You could sleep in another room. or, last resort, move here to Australia where you get a natural tan just putting out the rubbish.
16:00Maria McErlane:Well, thank you, Lou, in Perth, but not sure any of that is particularly helpful, is it? Not really because she'll still end up very brown. Yeah. And I think his problem is she looks too brown. Yeah. She's gone beyond nature. But there is something about natural tanning that is so much better than that spray tan. Yes. Especially when you build up on it, you know, like layers of paint. Yeah, but I think also out of the fashion change because now I think people don't want to be tanned. You know, you look at all those people living in California and they all look like they've been living under a rock.
16:29Maria McErlane:Oh, they're all quite white because the sun is the devil. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. Emma speaks to us. Oh! Most fake tan all has the same sort of active ingredient in it. But if you're getting it, if it really stinks and it's staining sheets and stuff like that, it suggests it's a cheap one. So my advice to you would be go and get some really nice high-end products. We're talking a bronzer palette. We're talking tanning mitt and a really high end. So you want to look at the expensive end of the shelf of fake tan. And your wife's going to look great. She's going to be so appreciative. And it's going to solve all your problems.
17:03Can I just say, we often say on this podcast that we're not experts. Yeah. Emma's an expert.
17:09Maria McErlane:No. Emma knows what she's talking about. Emma's just saying chuck money at it and get a higher end of fake tan. Yes, but then it won't come off on the sheets and it won't stink. I think the thing is what we need to get your... I don't think that's bad advice. I don't think that's bad advice. I don't think it's particularly helpful, but I think what... Wow. Sorry, Emma. I'm with you. Finally, finally, somebody knows what they're talking about. No. Not needed here. But what we could do is get her to use a tan that is not permanent. I think maybe that would be good, because you can get things now that make your legs look all lovely and, you know, your arms, and then it washes off at the end of the day.
17:44Maria McErlane:That's kind of where we need to go here. So that could be a suggestion for Ed to say, cheats are, you know, taking a bit of a battering here. Can we try the one that washes off in the shower? And could you wash? I think that's really, because it clearly does come off this. Yes, exactly. She's just not doing the shower bit. Now, Angela says, sadly, women in their 30s and 40s seem to want to look 18 again. Really surprised me. Angela's one of our younger listeners. Yeah. Being too tanned makes girls look a bit tacky and overcooked, in my opinion. I think you should just tell your wife it's no tan or it's separate beds.
18:26Maria McErlane:Your choice. Oh, Angela is taking no prisoners there at all. No, I mean, that's... I don't think you should end a marriage over this. No. I mean, that would be foolish, wouldn't it? Yeah. Bill says, it's fair to be annoyed about the sheets and to chat to your wife about that, but I don't think you can ask her not to tan. She needs to be allowed to look how she wants. Well, that is true, Bill. But, um... But I think... But nothing. I'm just playing with the dog. Oh, I thought you were doing that, meaning he'd done something horrible. No, no, no, no. I'm just playing. We're having a lovely time over here.
Read the full transcript
18:55Oh, yes. Silly orange wife. Oh, yes. Silly orange wife. Oh, da, da, da, da. Ed, God knows if we helped or not. But we do have a second problem coming up. Yes, Raffi, we do. Mommy's going to open an envelope in a minute. Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Go further with the American Express Business Gold Card.
19:40Earn three times membership rewards points on flights and prepaid hotels when you book through AmexTravel.com. Whether your destination is a business conference or a client meeting, your purchases will help you earn more points for future trips. Experience more on your travels with Amex Business Gold. Terms apply. Learn more at AmericanExpress.com slash business dash gold. Amex Business Gold Card. Built for business by American Express. When you're 7-Eleven's hottest fire chicken sandwich, people think you're intense. Well, yeah, I'm hot! Oh, yeah, intense. Want to see if you can handle the heat?
20:18Then try me. With pickles or spicy mayo and jalapenos. Oh, and it's all just$4.99. That's a deal almost as hot as I am. Almost? Sweets? No. Spicy? See for yourself. $4.99 and only at 7-Eleven. Valid through 825-26. Participating stores only while supplies last. Visit store for full terms. Minutes up. Here comes the envelope.
20:40Maria McErlane:Okay, here we go. Right. Problem number... What's mommy saying? What's mommy saying? Problem number two. Are you listening? No. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're going to bite my face in a second, aren't you? Yeah. Go kill a mouse. Go on. Go kill a mouse. There you go. Dear Graham and Maria, My bestie and I have holidayed together for a few years now. It's become quite a tradition and we've been on some great trips and made many memories. The thing is, as we approach our 30s...
21:15I must have spit my coffee out.
21:17Maria McErlane:That would have been funny if you'd have done one. As we approach our 30s, I'm starting to earn more money. But she isn't. so she still wants the charm of staying in hostels and getting cheap coaches everywhere. I feel like I'm growing out of all of that. Frankly, I can afford not to holiday on such a tight budget anymore. She's so important to me and I do love our adventures together but I work really hard and my holidays are precious so I want to treat myself when I go away. How can I have the holiday I want with a friend who can't afford it? And that is from Abby in Cambridge. Well, Abby in Cambridge, I'm thinking, you know, you've made lovely memories.
21:59Maria McErlane:You've had great trips together. She's a fantastic travelling companion. You're earning a lot of money. There's a solution there. You can upgrade her. You don't have to pay for it all. But you can say, hey, I've just decided that we need to stay in this hotel that has a pool. And I will, you know, make the difference. Yes, I do wonder how Abby wrote the sentence, how can I have the holiday I want with a friend who can't afford it? and not have it dawn on her how she could do that. You subsidise your friend. You don't, like you say, you don't offer a free holiday, but you just kind of go, ooh. And also, you can do things.
22:34I think you can do things like, let's do the first three nights in a hostel, and then look, my treat. I found this lovely place with an infinity pool looking over the sea.
22:45Maria McErlane:And a spa. Yeah, and you can't afford, but it's there. I mean, you're absolutely right, and this is lovely, and you're very good at all of these things, but it does change the dynamic. I think we just have to sort of address that. It changes the dynamic for Abby in Cambridge because they've been equals. They've been, you know, going to these terrible hostels but laughing about it and having a lovely time anyway. So, you know, I don't know how your friend will feel. People are very proud about these things. So I think you're right. Do the hostels for a couple of days and then do, if you want Abby in Cambridge.
23:20Maria McErlane:I mean, you can't do the whole holiday in poshly Toffingham land. No. And also, don't expect your friend to be grateful. No good turn goes unpunished. The friend will slightly resent you. Well, that's what I'm saying. How do you do it with good grace for both of you so that it doesn't change the dynamic, which maybe it's inevitable? You can't swan in and change the whole holiday. No. I think you've got to say, ooh, apparently there's a lovely restaurant, my treat tonight for dinner. or, you know, that kind of thing. I think you drip feed your generosity through the holiday. And, you know, and hopefully, as you approach your 30s, other friend might get a better job.
24:01You know, so I think it's good to kind of start to have more adult, more slightly affluent holidays. But, you know, your friend is at a different level than you right now, but maybe not forever.
24:13Maria McErlane:The thing is you could do is you could still go on those holidays with her, but also have some posh holidays with a friend who is equally as affluent or indeed on your own. It's a very difficult one because this sounds like a really good friend. She might work in the public sector. She might be a nurse or something. And of course, she's never going to, you know, match you probably salary wise. But I think if you drip feed it, Graham, then every time you drip feed a sort of treat, this restaurant is mine to pay for, you have to acknowledge it. So I think if it could be done once and then never mentioned again.
24:47Maria McErlane:Not happy. I said never mentioned again. Sounds like he's over there somewhere. No, he's under the table. Oh, I see. All right, mutton Jeff.
24:56Maria McErlane:Actually, I made that noise. I'm training as a ventriloquist. Very clever. We're having to go mad. Mum, he's talking to me, but I can't understand it. What's he going to say about this problem? Once, if you can do it once. If you can just say, I'm not going to mention this again, But as I'm earning a bit more money, I think I'll pay the extra on that hotel and I'll take you to the, you know, Polly Dolly Doodah restaurant because it's a special treat and they will have the taste of menu of 15 courses. Yeah, which sounds awful. And I think here's the thing, Abby, I really think about this. What is it you like about these holidays?
25:31It's your friend. Yeah. And it's the experience and it's the being on the back of a boat doing, you know, it's all of that stuff. And yes.
25:41Maria McErlane:And the memories you've made together. Yes, and it would be nice to maybe, you know, go for a fabulous spa thing or whatever. But actually, will it be as fun? Will you ever have as much fun on your spending holiday as you had with your friend kind of mucking around in these hostels? And you probably won't, I would say. Yeah. Or are you just being a bit romantic about poverty there? No, I think holidays are different. Obviously, in Abby's real life, she can start living in a castle and her friend is dead to her. But when they go on holidays, I just think try to remember what you want from the holiday and what you enjoy about the holiday.
26:23Maria McErlane:And it's her. It's none of the other stuff, really. I kind of think it's where you go. You're very wise this morning. I don't know why. Is it still morning? I have no idea. Here in our pod home, there are no windows. There are no days or nights. It's like before Fashion Week where they black out all the windows so the poor little sewers don't know if it's day or night. I think I've been sewing all night. Miss Versace. We are slave potters. Miss Versace. Donatella. Oh, Versace. Abby's ears pricked up. Yeah, I know. Versace. I can afford Versace now. Yeah. She can't. Hey, dedicated wangers have had their eyes on these problems.
27:05what do they have to say?
27:06Maria McErlane:What they have to say is this, Graham. Morgan says... Good morning, Morgan. Simple options. One. Options? Options. Who the hell does Morgan think she is? I don't know. Could be a he. One. Do a holiday lottery. Spin the wheel on hotel times, city or beach, etc. Abby can afford a wheel now. That's the first thing she splashed out on. Yeah. A big glittery wheel. There are also websites that do some lovely mystery holidays. Morgan, where are you coming from here? It's a worthy gamble. Sorry, I don't want to be Martin Lewis here, but we need to investigate those websites immediately. Mystery holiday?
27:46You spent a million pounds and you're staying in a youth hostel in Barcelona.
27:52Maria McErlane:It's a worthy gamble, Morgan says, or two. Let's see what number two is. That was all one option. That was all one option. The wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the mystery holidays. Two, do a half and half holiday. I kind of said that. Yeah, you did. Half boogie. Bougie, sorry. I thought it said Joe. Budgie. Half budgie. Half budgie. Half budget. Oh, no, that's clever. Yeah, yeah. Half boogie, half budget. But we kind of said that as well. I know, but we didn't give up with an actual slogan. Half boogie, half budget. Morgan should be formatting game shows. He's got a wheel. He's got a catchphrase now.
28:26Maria McErlane:Probably is. Yeah. Speak three. That was only two options. Wow. Number three, speak to your friend openly. Probably the best option. Okay. Which afterwards can lead to options one and two being spoken about. Or option four. Oh, dear God. Option four is do a solo holiday. Oh, we got there in the end. Yeah, I mean, I'm really loving that you've thought it through, Morgan, so kind of intensely. Half bougie, half budget. Yeah, I think you've scored a winner with... I'm putting that on a T-shirt. T-shirt. Option two, half bougie, half budget. Sounds good. But thank you for your effort there, Morgan.
29:11Maria McErlane:And good luck with the game show career. Number two is Ryan, who says... As in Ryanair. I think we know what Ryan's going to say. All budget. Why not tell this friend that you have a fun idea for the next time you go away together? You can pretend to be Phileas Fogg. and she can be passport to who are these people that are writing it to us? This way you can swan around all holiday spending your dough while she launders your clothes. I like Ryan. And generally waits on your every whim. Sleeping on the floor next to your comfy floor poster. That way everyone's happy. You're welcome. I kind of sense that Ryan is taking the pee somewhat.
29:55I'm not sure Ryan's taking this problem totally seriously.
29:58Maria McErlane:No, but I think we know how he feels about Abby in Cambridge. He's kind of, you know, he's dissing her. Ruth says, go on two smaller holidays a year instead of one big one. Who said they went on one big one anyway? Have a break with your friend that is on the cheap side, where you get to spend some quality time with her. Then treat yourself to a luxury week somewhere later in the year. No need to rub her face in it. Just make the expensive holiday your little thing to look forward to alone. But you know what? Abby's going to be bored. She's going to be there. Yeah, because she won't have anyone to make memories with.
30:31She'll be in her splendid hotel room thinking, but there's no one to be jealous of me.
30:37Maria McErlane:Ah, yeah. A lot of Insta. A lot of Insta. A lot of Insta. And going to the bar and crying into your martini probably. Oh yes, and then being picked up by a gigolo. Suddenly she's in the Daily Mail. Look at me. Yes, Abby's horror. Yeah. How I was fleeced out of all my money. I thought I'd bought a house in Albania, but look. Pictures of the Albanian builder. Okay, we digress. Amber says, I'm not sure how much money you earn, but if you want the best of both worlds, why don't you offer to pay more towards the cost of a nicer hotel? We said that. Or a few fancy meals for the two of you. If I was your friend, I'd bite your hand off.
31:20Maria McErlane:Delicious. Good. And Pete says, this is about trade-offs. If you and your friend have always had a set budget for your holidays, keep it that way. But instead of flying abroad, make it a staycation. Then with the money you've saved on flights, for example, you can splash out on a fancier hotel. We're in Bournemouth. Just think outside the box a little bit. No, no one's got to thank you for that. Stay in the box. Stay right in that box, Abby. And just get a more expensive box. I think that's the thing, isn't it? I think that is the thing. Abby, whatever you decide to do, we hope you have a wonderful holiday.
31:54Bon voyage. Okay, a reminder, if you have a dilemma and you want us to help, then the address is wangingon at listen.co.uk. That is what this next person did with Am I Weird? Who's asking that today?
32:09Maria McErlane:Yeah, you say that, Graham. I noticed that they've given you lots of the things to say that are important, and I just sit here, not saying anything. Actually, I know where it's from Ellie, or Eli? Eli in St. Ives. So what does Eli have to say? Well, you say that, but I'm trying to find where Eli is. You're on that front. Oh, yeah, there we are. Hi, Graham and Maria. They can cut all of that out because I just make... No, no, that's why people tune in.
32:37Why you've never held down a proper job, I don't know.
32:41Maria McErlane:It's a mystery. Okay, Eli or Ellie in St. Ives. It's Eli, isn't it? Yeah. It was Ellie. There'd be two L's and an E. Yeah, Eli. Dear Graham Amir, am I weird that I'm in my 30s? Yes, you are weird that you're in your 30s. Most people are approaching them, I find. And earning a little bit more money than their friend. Am I weird that I'm in my 30s and I've never been to London and have no intention of going? It seems dangerous and crowded and overrated and I've just never been curious. Sorry, Londoners. Well, I think weird, perhaps. No, Eli. I'm going with weird. Well, there's no sense of adventure.
33:25Maria McErlane:I mean, curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity, as my grandma used to say. And to not be curious about what is outside of St. Ives shows a lack of character, I feel. Well, what I would say to Eli is, right, I have assumptions. I make assumptions about, say, dives. I assume it's pretty but very boring. but that wouldn't stop me from wanting to go there. A lot of art, a lot of art. Oh yes, of course, those artists went there to enjoy the prettiness and the boredom. The light, the light. Oh yeah, the light, lovely for light. Eli, big fan of light. Yeah. So I would still want to go, I'd still want to see it.
34:01So I just think, you know, to have something in your head where I'm never going to go to London, really? Your life plan is to not do something.
34:11Maria McErlane:No one cares that you're never going to go there. Because, you know, London, whatever you think about it, Yes, I'm sure it is very busy, and it can be dangerous. It can be all of those things. But it's also got some wonderful experiences. You know, iconic landmarks. Theatres. Culture, museums. Restaurants. Oh, yes. Muggings. People to get off with. Yeah. Shoplifting. The possibilities are endless. Oh, yes. It just shows a lack of character, I think, Eli. It doesn't make you weird, but it just makes you a bit dull. Because, you know, you want to make your life bigger, not smaller. You want to have other things to talk about other than what's going on in St.
34:47Maria McErlane:Ives. I feel like having an ambition where it's based on something you're not going to do just seems very reductive. I think if you put that character in a book, you would know immediately that you didn't want to go back to that character ever again. Yeah, you realise they're not going to be the central character in the book. They're just someone you bump into in chapter two. Very much on the sidelines, probably killed off by chapter three. Because St Ives can be dangerous as well. Yeah, yeah. In a terrible bus accident. Isn't it ironic that he didn't want to go to London because it was dangerous?
35:22Maria McErlane:And then what? Yes. He was in St Ives. A megabus from London hit him. A megabus in Chapter 3. The danger came to Eli. An out-of-control megabus in St Ives. What are the chances? What's a Flix bus? I've never heard of them. And then yesterday I saw three of them. No. They're green. Have you ever heard of them? Flix bus. And they've got, you know, what do we call it? The registration is like Flix 14 or something. And did you see people on it? Were they just go dancing or anything? They seem to be coming and going from London. I was in the Victoria coach area. Why? Because I was on my way somewhere else.
35:59Okay. Back off.
36:02Maria McErlane:I know how you like to hang around crowded areas. It's so dangerous. Shoplifting. I love it. But yeah, no, I'd never heard of these buses. and then I saw three or four of them. Big, huge green bus. Why I thought of it was with what I mentioned, a megabus. I think maybe megabus buses don't exist anymore and they are now Flix buses. Megabusses don't because of the height. Oh, is that one? Yeah, very high. I mean, you know, bridges. We have a lot of Victorian... But we used to always have bridges. I know, and a lot of them... Wait a minute, they kept running into bridges and they're going, these megabusses are probably too mega.
36:35Maria McErlane:No, it just limits your route because presumably when people are doing the routes they go, uh-oh, Victorian bridge. only three foot high, can't go that way. I mean, I didn't measure the Flix bus, but it did look quite large. Was it big? Yeah, mega. Mega bus? We're going to have to investigate. We really are. I'm going to use the Google machine. Meanwhile, Eli, I think you're weird. What are you saying? I'm going with weird too. Yeah. Just because I think he deserves to be hit by a Flix bus. Maria, I have news. We've reached the end of this episode of Wanging On. Wow. I know. Who knew this day would come?
37:07Which day is it? If only there was a window to look out.
37:11Maria McErlane:A calendar. We've got this set and no calendar to mark it off. Done. I'll just scratch the wall. How long have we been in prison? Scratch the sideboard, mid-century sideboard. There'll just be a little skeleton. Because we are mid-century. A little skeleton dog sitting on the table. I think we've been in here too long. Have you got things to say? I think you do. Yeah, I think I have. I've got to say, usual caveats apply, which I am obliged to say we're not experts and you should head to our Instagram if you're looking for information on how to get proper help. Our Insta is at wangingon. Quite easy to remember.
37:49Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production. Many thanks to Ed and Abby for sending in their dilemmas today and of course thanks to everyone else who sent in their advice. We'll be back next week for more. Until then, buh-bye. Aw, a round of applause from Rafi.
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From the publisher
Question: How do you get your wife to look less orange? Graham and Maria weigh in. They also remember their school days, and advise on the awkward situation of a listener who earns far more money than her best friend - how can they keep holidaying together?
If you enjoy your weekly fix of Wanging On, tap the 'Subscribe' or 'Follow' button in your podcast app to never miss an episode.
Our email address for your dilemmas is: WangingOn@listen.co.uk
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Listen, a Platform Media label.
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Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
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Chapters:
0:00 Coming Up
0:14 What were Graham and Maria like at School?
7:14 Too Much Fake Tan!!!
15:38 Earning More Money than your Mates...
26:56 Never Been to London?!
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