Swingers Parties and Orgasms at the Dentist

5:54Graham Norton:Yes, but I sort of look at it and I go, I think my eye is good enough. I know where to put this nail in. Of course you don't. Picture there, picture there. But then I fix it. what really makes me well it sort of humiliates me and it makes me laugh like when uh if they're coming in to redecorate a room and they have to take the pictures down they discover the hellscape behind the pictures how many holes did you need i've also wadged up bits of newspaper to make a nail bigger so it'll go up kind of half an inch i've quite often done that thing where you drill

6:28Maria McErlane:into something. I can do this, spirit level. Right drill bit, excellent drill. Hit something like, you know, concrete or something that is the wrong drill bit. A neighbour. A neighbour. A neighbour's skull. Sorry, Betty. So you drill, drill, drill, and there's still that much left of the screw to go in, and I just think, oh. I know, I'll just put some glue around that screw. That will hold that massive cabinet up. Yeah, not a problem. Quite a few things in my house like that. And you think, please don't let there be a big wind tonight.

7:07Graham Norton:The cabinet's not going to hold. Lying in bed, just in the glasses.

7:15Maria McErlane:Back to the little man. Can you come and fix my cabinet and buy me some new plates?

7:20Graham Norton:Yes, a lot of ceramic glue. Thank you very much. Well, talking of DIY, we are going to help some people in just a moment. Dilemmas. Yeah, yeah. They're on the way. I understand.

7:32Maria McErlane:DIY dilemmas, I hope. When you want your spring break to feel like... And your kid's pool day to feel like...

7:42Graham Norton:And your hotel bed to feel like... Ooh, and room service to feel like... Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like... Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels? It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton, for this day. This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtuo Up, the latest in a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense, and taste in every single cup. With a three-second start, easy open lever, and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo up exclusively at nespresso.com.

8:31Graham Norton:This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross-Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.com

9:21Graham Norton:everything. What a world, Maria.

9:23Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.

9:25Graham Norton:Maria, the time is ripe for some envelope tearing. Please grab one.

9:28Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, okay, here's my question. I'm 42 and in a situationship with a 22-year-old. When we're together, it's fireworks, but he blows hot and cold and is still figuring out which gender he actually wants. I think he's also messing around with his female flatmate. He keeps it quiet, but I'm not even bothered. The thing is, he keeps wanting to do more with me and has invited me to a local swingers' night. I'm gay, so the idea of being surrounded by a mixed-gender free-for-all is not exactly my fantasy. But since I'm moving away soon, maybe it's my one shot to say, why not? And never have to look anyone in the eye again.

10:08Maria McErlane:So, podcast fam, podcast fam, am I just wasting my time here or should I grab my car keys and throw them in the bowl? That is from Will in Yorkshire. Will, look, you're 42. He's 22. This is not going anywhere. You're moving away soon. I think for both of you, the idea of discovering swingers possibly is not a bad idea because you can do it together and keep each other company and laugh about it. And you probably never do that on your own. And by the sounds of it, neither will the 22-year-old. He's working out which gender he is. So for him, it's a process. For you, it's curiosity, shall we say.

10:53Maria McErlane:So I would say, yeah, I mean, do it. Why are you snarling?

10:57Graham Norton:I'm just going to think, I don't know why he told us all the stuff about the 22-year-old and the situationship and da-da-da, because really what he wants to know is, should I go to a swingers party? You know, and the answer is, if you want to, do. I don't care. I know, but the thing is, we're here to help people. But he can just help you. I mean, Will is 42. He's a grown man. Yeah. You know, I would suggest if you're 42 and have not gone to a swingers party yet, you probably don't want to go to one. Yeah. So don't.

11:28Maria McErlane:But he's interested in the process.

11:31Graham Norton:Seeing his neighbours naked.

11:33Maria McErlane:I mean, I haven't been to a swingers party, have you? No. Neither would I want to. Well, do you know what I mean?

11:39Graham Norton:It's such a kind of hot idea, you know. Is it though? Well, you know what I mean? Like, you know, the whole kind of orgy, blah, blah, blah thing. But the reality is it's going to be people from the queue in Sainsbury's with no clothes on. And they're only interested in one item.

12:01Graham Norton:I just, it just, the reality of it is going to be grim. You know, there's going to be shower curtains down on the sofa and, you know, you'll be going, God, that's their carpet while you're, yeah.

12:16Maria McErlane:I mean, look, you're 42. You could go with a 22-year-old to keep him company if he's trying to figure out whether he wants to be gay or straight or what his interests are and where they lay. You could keep him company. I don't think there's going to be anything in it for you because it will generally be a straight swingers place, unless you can get gay swing. Of course, you can get anything.

12:39Graham Norton:Yes. Well, I mean, the idea is they're swinging, isn't it?

12:43Maria McErlane:Well, normally you swing with the gender that you like. Or do you swing? I mean, I don't know.

12:47Graham Norton:Well, I suppose if it's a kind of a free-for-all, you can always, you know, put a hand in. But I don't know. I just feel like you don't sound like you're that keen, Will. And I feel if you're going to a swingers party, you should at least go in keen and come out feeling a bit nauseous. But going in, kind of thinking, really?

13:09Maria McErlane:Yes, as Graham said, you should throw your hand in with some gusto, I think. Yeah.

13:15Graham Norton:And also, this guy is 22. I mean, he wants to go to a swingers party aged 22. That seems incredible to me.

13:25Maria McErlane:Well, I think he's trying to kind of, you know, He's probably only recently discovered. Or maybe not, no. But he doesn't know where he wants to be in life. Well, I think he's trying to spice up 42-year-olds. Oh, is he? Well, they go at it, apparently. Like, you know, it's very hot together.

13:40Graham Norton:Well, I mean, 42-year-old thinks it's a firework. 22 may think it's a bit of a squib. A damp squib.

13:46Maria McErlane:A Catherine wheel that no longer spins. I would say definitely, I don't really know what your question is, but I would say definitely go. because you probably won't get the opportunity again. You're not going to go on your own, Will. So go with the...

14:01Graham Norton:I don't think you're allowed to go on your own. Oh. I think you have to go with someone, don't you? Oh. Isn't that the idea? Otherwise, it would just be lots of straight men standing in the hall.

14:09Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah. Wanking over Tracy upstairs. She nearly finished. Tracy upstairs on video cam. I'm afraid the bedroom's full. You'll have to stay in the hall. Okay.

14:23Graham Norton:It's the overflow.

14:28Graham Norton:It's all going on in Yorkshire. I blame Wuthering Heights. So do I, Jacob Elordi. Elordi.

14:34Maria McErlane:He's got a lot to answer for. Shall we see what the wangers say? I can only imagine.

14:38Graham Norton:I feel bad that we've even exposed the wangers to this problem.

14:43Maria McErlane:Well, I don't think you and I are being helpful in any way, shape or form.

14:46Graham Norton:Because there is no help. There is no help to be given. Go or don't go. Go or don't go. No one could care less.

14:53Maria McErlane:The wangers do. Okay. Dear nearly swinger, life is short, go swing. Anne is a swinger, isn't she? Go party, go live your best firework-filled life. You're in your prime, hold nothing back.

15:07Graham Norton:Oh, she so is.

15:07Maria McErlane:Take it from someone who let those chances go by. Oh. She's found it later in life, though.

15:13Graham Norton:Oh, no. Anne is sitting in the car looking at the pampas grass thinking, I should be in there.

15:18Maria McErlane:Yes. Shall I ring the doorbell? Hello. Neve says, your partner has no idea who they are or what they want, which makes sense given they're only 22. It sounds like you're interested in something happening, but down this road lies heartache. Oh, down every road lies heartache, doesn't it, Graham? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. End it now on good terms. Find someone who wants the same things you do. I don't think that's the question, Neve. Well, I know.

15:41Graham Norton:I think Neve is kind of right. I think somehow, although he's saying, you know, oh, I don't care. Shall I go swinging? To even use the word situationship makes me think, oh, you protest too much.

15:54Maria McErlane:It's going nowhere, by the way, Will. Yes, it is absolutely going nowhere. And you're moving in a minute, so how can it go anywhere?

15:59Graham Norton:So, yes, I feel like Niamh's not wrong. It's like he does want more from this relationship than it will ever provide.

16:07Maria McErlane:Well, he's moving away. Is he going to take the 22-year-old with him?

16:10Graham Norton:I don't think so. No.

16:12Maria McErlane:Do you care?

16:12Graham Norton:No.

16:13Maria McErlane:No. Emily says, I think the question you should be asking yourself is why you're happy to be involved with someone who is blowing hot and cold. Perhaps answer that question before blowing, I mean going, to any clubs. No. Before going to any clubs or doing anything further with this person. If you've had no desire to swim before, then you will purely be doing this to satisfy this guy. He seems to be pretty good at keeping himself satisfied, so leave him to it. Emily's very sensible, isn't she? Yeah. I like Emily. That's good advice from Emily. Neil in London says. Oh, yes.

16:45Graham Norton:Oh, he's in London. He'll know all about this.

16:47Maria McErlane:While you write that you're cool about your situationship, I question if you actually are.

16:53Graham Norton:Neil, you're so insightful.

16:55Maria McErlane:I don't want to focus on the age gap, but can't help but do exactly that. He's 22 and clearly still exploring his identity. Just don't confuse fireworks for a solid foundation. As for this Swingers Night, if you're genuinely curious, want a wild story for the road, then sure, go. toss those keys in the bowl and chalk it up to a life experience. But if not, then skip it. You don't owe him that kind of exploration. I mean, that is the only reason to go, really, isn't it, for anecdotal value?

17:23Graham Norton:Yeah, and also because the kid wants him to drive. Yes, designated driver. I don't have got keys to throw in the bowl. I've got to bring this old lump.

17:34Maria McErlane:I can put my bike chain in.

17:38Graham Norton:A bike lock.

17:42Maria McErlane:Now, Susie from Farnham says, as we say, we regret the things we don't do far more than the things we do.

17:48Graham Norton:I think when it comes to swinging parties, that does not hold true. Well, Susie wouldn't agree.

17:54Maria McErlane:She says, grab your car keys and throw them into the bowl with abandon. What have you got to lose? Given you'll be leaving soon, yes, and your situationship will be ending, yes, don't overthink it, just go and have fun. but also, just to be serious for a moment, do make sure that any fun is had safely and with full consent.

18:13Graham Norton:It's all going on in Farnham as well.

18:15Maria McErlane:Yeah. Do you think that swingers parties, they have consent forms at the door?

18:19Graham Norton:Oh, on the way in.

18:20Maria McErlane:On the way in, yeah.

18:20Graham Norton:I think anything goes, doesn't it? I think you probably have to sign a waiver saying if you damage furniture, you've got to pay for it.

18:26Maria McErlane:I might go to a swingers party and then fall down the stairs and then put a claim in. Oh, yes.

18:32Graham Norton:You slipped in some lube.

18:35Maria McErlane:At least I think it was lube. It was very busy that day. Was it wood lube? There was an overflow on the stairs.

18:44Graham Norton:Well, please do let us know what you decide, but spare us the gory details and send no photographs. Will sent his dilemma to wangingon at listen.co.uk, and you can too. In fact, that's the email address for any of your messages, and there's another dilemma in the offing up next.

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19:43Graham Norton:Only at Hotels.com.

19:44Maria McErlane:Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on hotels with members' prices. Other terms apply. See site for details. Maria, do you have another unopened envelope? Well, you do.

19:58Graham Norton:Could you open it, please?

19:59Maria McErlane:I preempted you there. Dear Graham and Maria, I have a lady who needs a few teeth taking out, and when I did it the first time, I told her that there would be some pressure but no pain. She makes noises of what some would call discomfort, but they are bordering on orgasmic. I'm not sure if she's having too much fun. Is this letter sent to us? Or the police.

20:27Graham Norton:I feel like there's been a mix-up in the Royal Mail

20:30Maria McErlane:I'm not sure if she's having too much fun It's really off-putting And my nurse has to leave the room trying not to laugh As a gay man, I'm not really sure of the female orgasmic sounds But I feel like I'm in a tennis match with Serena Williams at match point Grunting away while I twist and push The thing is, oh my God, this poor woman I have 12 more teeth to remove Is he a vet? And I'm concerned that this woman may be enjoying the extractions a bit too much. How do I approach this? Do I try to distract myself, pass her to a female colleague? I feel like I'm potentially losing my golden gay status.

21:12Maria McErlane:Oh, also, I'm a dentist for context, not just a weirdo pulling teeth. And that is from Dr. Pete. P.S. Love from Perth, Western Australia. Graham, I saw you live in Perth. Good job. I love the pod and listen on the beach.

21:30Graham Norton:And that was the last time Dr. Pete ever listened to the podcast.

21:36Maria McErlane:I didn't even say I listened on the beach.

21:38Graham Norton:I thought it would be fun. And then they ripped me apart. But first of all, Dr.

21:44Maria McErlane:Pete. Oh, here you go, Dr. Pete. First of all, Dr.

21:46Graham Norton:Pete. Put down the suntan lotion.

21:48Maria McErlane:You've already taken a few teeth out, and you've got to take 12 more. How many teeth do we have in our head? 24?

21:55Graham Norton:I don't know. Dr. Pete would know.

21:56Maria McErlane:What is going on with it? It's a lot of teeth. It's a lot of teeth. Yeah.

21:59Graham Norton:I mean, she's going for dentures, presumably. Or implants. Oh, yes, of course, modern world.

22:06Maria McErlane:Modern world implants, yes. Dr.

22:07Graham Norton:Pete may not do that, though.

22:08Maria McErlane:Oh, I'm sure he does. He's a gayer.

22:10Graham Norton:He carves them out of wood on the beach. He's on the beach whittling her teeth now.

22:14Maria McErlane:There's a lot of money to be made in implants, frankly, and I think Dr. Pete is doing that. Maybe she is, you know, some people pleasure, pain, pain, pleasure, etc. I think it's kind of off-putting for you to be making orgasmic sounds, yes. It's giving your nurse a bit of a laugh and, to be fair, you, Dr. Pete. Why don't you, when I go to the dentist, they give me headphones to listen to music?

22:42Graham Norton:Oh, classic FM.

22:44Maria McErlane:Well, no, Graham.

22:45Graham Norton:Funk, hip-hop.

22:48Maria McErlane:Rap. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dootchy. I like listening to Dootchy on my phone. So I... Why are they laughing at that? I do listen to Dootchy.

22:59Graham Norton:No.

22:59Maria McErlane:I do. I do.

23:01Graham Norton:That's very ageing, Maria.

23:02Maria McErlane:What, listening to Dootchy? Why?

23:03Graham Norton:None of the kids do.

23:05Maria McErlane:Why not? What's wrong with that? I have no idea. Are you understand?

23:08Graham Norton:I think we should take it very seriously. I know. Wait a minute. But that's me clinging on to my last vistas of youth. It's the only thing I talk to young people about.

23:18Maria McErlane:Yes, give her some headphones so that she can be singing along to that rather than making the orgasmic sounds. However, I do think that she probably likes the attention, Dr. Pete, and is making these sounds deliberately to kind of put you off or to make you think that she's a hot bitch.

23:37Graham Norton:I would just give her more anesthetic. Is that dangerous? I mean, I'm not a trained doctor myself, Pete.

23:44Maria McErlane:No, but when you're having teeth out, you don't have, it's not like gas and air like you had in the olden days, in the Victorian days.

23:50Graham Norton:I would say go back to those days, just knock her out. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah, just knock her out.

23:54Maria McErlane:But they can't do that anymore. It's too dangerous to put somebody out. So they just do localised areas. You have to have a doctor in tow now if you want even IV valium. Really? Yeah. What's gone wrong with the world? I know.

24:07Graham Norton:It's all gone to pot, Graham. What are we saying to Dr. Pete, though? I think, look, there's 12 more teeth to go. and I would say it's a bright spot in your day.

24:16Maria McErlane:I would say take the money and run because you're doing a lot of extractions which means you'll also be doing some insertions.

24:26Graham Norton:Into his bank account.

24:27Maria McErlane:Into your bank account and into her gums. It could be a lot worse. She could be crying. Yeah, I mean, it's obviously how she,

24:37Graham Norton:yeah, she's responding to this in a certain way. I imagine it's involuntary because, you know, you were saying, oh she's doing it for attention and wants to do it but I don't think it's that because you know in that moment you're just making whatever sounds you need to make to get you through this experience I'm trying to think

24:51Maria McErlane:when you say Dr. Pete that there's pressure but no pain because she's obviously all anaesthetised around here where are the two coming out so maybe she's just going ah ah just to get do you do that?

25:03Graham Norton:I've never heard of female orgasm but

25:04Maria McErlane:no it's not like that

25:06Graham Norton:Dr. Pete thinks it is and also the nurse is leaving the room It must be unusual. It must be unusual. But also, I feel like the nurse should be staying in the room.

25:17Maria McErlane:I feel the nurse should be operating the tape recorder. Then you can play it back to your patient. Say, I'm not sure if you know this, Beryl. I'm calling her Beryl for legal purposes. I'm not sure if you know this, Beryl. But these are the sounds you're making. These are the sounds you're intending to make?

25:33Graham Norton:Yeah, I mean, you don't want to embarrass poor Beryl.

25:36Maria McErlane:I would. Okay. No, you want to make her laugh.

25:39Graham Norton:I would just say, Pete, enjoy this. It's a bright spot in your day. And, you know, she's paying you for the privilege.

25:44Maria McErlane:Yeah, being a dentist is very boring anyway.

25:46Graham Norton:Did our dentally challenged wangers...

25:48Maria McErlane:They did.

25:49Graham Norton:The fangers.

25:52Maria McErlane:How long have you been thinking that up? Just this second. Kat says, dear Dr Teeth, do you think you could join her? Every time she groans, you could moan ecstatically in reply. Either she'll stop or you'll be up on harassment charge, problem solved. Quite like that from Kat.

26:09Graham Norton:But Janna has been in touch with a voice note.

26:12Maria McErlane:Oh, wow.

26:13Graham Norton:She's opened her mouth and used her voice.

26:14Maria McErlane:Oh, wow. Hi, Graham and Maria. It's Janna here, and I'm an ex-dentist from Down Under. I have two words for our frustrated dentist with a grunting patient. General anaesthetic. Knock her out, whack them out, and your golden gayhood will remain intact and shine as it should.

26:34Graham Norton:Now, see, I think what Janna's suggesting is there are different standards in Australia. Yeah, I think so. You're still allowed to get a big jumbo elephant injection and stick it into somebody's neck.

26:45Maria McErlane:You can probably use kind of kangaroo ketamine to do teeth extraction in Australia. But I think that's a good idea. But, you know, why spoil the fun, Dr. Teeth? No, what's his name? And also... Dr. Pete. Calling him Dr. Teeth now. Dr. Pete. Dr. Teeth. Anyone else? Any more? Caroline in London says, how about having a radio on in the background or giving her headphones with some appa. Oh, you said that. Or music of her choice. Encouraging her to sing along. We don't want singing when you're taking teeth out with a rhythmic groan to Waterloo while you work. Just make sure you don't put Ravel's Bolero on.

27:20Graham Norton:That's a good old-fashioned...

27:22Maria McErlane:I know, but I'm trying to think why. Because it's the Dudley Moore, Bo Derek movie.

27:27Graham Norton:What was that called?

27:28Maria McErlane:Ten. Ten? It's from Ten. I know, but why not put that on?

27:33Graham Norton:Because they're having sex, George.

27:34Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's a long time ago that film came out. Yeah, don't put that je t 'aime on. Put some d 'eau-t-she on. Do that breathing.

27:51Maria McErlane:That's my impression of d 'eau-t-she. It just made me cough. Donna says you may want to speak with the patient privately before the next visit, either by phone or briefly before the appointment with an assistant present. And explain. Explain that...

28:06Graham Norton:I love that Donna's taking this seriously.

28:09Maria McErlane:Louder vocal reactions can be distracting in the treatment area and upsetting to other patients. Framing the conversation around maintaining a calm clinical environment helps keep the message neutral and professional. I think that's quite good advice. It's frightening people in the, you know, they think you're being murdered. Oh, yeah.

28:26Graham Norton:You're frightening people. Yeah.

28:28Maria McErlane:I've got two more people that want to talk about Dr. Pete. Can you... We asked for people to get in touch. We did. Gordon in South Woodford says, this has to be one of the most bizarre problems you've had to date. This man is presumably a professional dentist, so he must be used to the sounds of patients grunting. Tell him just to think about all the money he's going to be making from this woman and to leave the moaning to the patient. He might want to put a towel down, however, However, if he's going to be extracting 12 teeth, the woman will likely go into orbit. Sean in Dublin says, ask her out.

29:09Maria McErlane:He doesn't want gummy. He doesn't want to go out with gummy, does he? Imagine going out with gummy. Should we go for a steak? Ask her out. See if there's a spark. Maybe you'll discover you're by. Her gummy smooch might be just what you've always needed. Now I must go and floss.

29:27Graham Norton:Really? Wanger's in the comments Do you make orgasm sounds When you're in the dentist's chair? I doubt it But do let us know And Dr Pete Thank you very much For getting in touch With that problem Time is marching on though Maria And it's time for Am I Weird? Yes it is Who have we got this week?

29:45Maria McErlane:Today's Am I Weird Comes courtesy of Harry the Hobbit Yes In West Yorkshire

29:54Graham Norton:I mean really Just when you think you know your demographic.

30:00Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. When I'm organising a meet-up with friends or a social event, I always make a little poster and send it into the group chat so that people have all of the information, often theming each poster. Do you need me to go on? No, please do. For example, every Halloween, our house becomes pumpkin cottage, and I like to do a film festival in our living room, So I make little movie posters in the style of a film festival and send it out to the people I've invited.

30:30Graham Norton:I see there's more.

30:32Maria McErlane:I also do something called a Hobbit barbecue. Nothing at the barbecue itself is themed around Lord of the Rings, but I do make a Lord of the Rings-themed invite with AI versions of myself as a Hobbit. I think it's sweet and funny. my partner thinks it's very weird.

30:54Graham Norton:I think we're all thinking the same thing.

30:59Graham Norton:Astonishing this problem involves a partner and friends. You know, I was just going to say that.

31:04Maria McErlane:I thought he was going to say my dog thinks I'm weird. Or my goldfish thinks I'm weird. I mean, look, it takes all sorts to make a world, Harry the Hobbit. And if it gives you pleasure, it's not hurting anyone. It's quite boring.

31:22Graham Norton:Well, not to Harry is not. And also, you know what? I think people would appreciate, I mean, they might be slightly, you know, perplexed by it, but they will appreciate that he takes so much time and effort. Do you know? Because the rest of us kind of going, oh, we're having a barbecue at Saturday. Do you fancy it? He's putting together, you know, these posters, these AI-themed things. It's extraordinary. And so it's kind of, it's nice that he would go through all the efforts. Yeah. But if your partner thinks it's weird, maybe listen to them. Would you like Harry the Hobbit to be your friend? Yes, I would.

31:54Graham Norton:No, you wouldn't. I long to see a hobbit being barbecued.

31:59Maria McErlane:But all those little posters he's making, he's putting on group chats, and you know that everyone's going, ugh, Harry's just sent another message. How often can I ignore it before it becomes rude?

32:10Graham Norton:Oh, no, I think you ignore all the messages. But you still go to the party, because people obviously like the parties. Film nights. Halloween, pumpkin pot, cottage and everything. a hop of barbecue. Look, this is your thing, Harry. And myself and Maria are lazy and would never do this. Cynical. And cynical and unmoved by your passion. But equally, equally, I see that you really enjoy doing this. I love this.

32:39Maria McErlane:You're a professional chat show host. You can really tell because you're trying to spin this into something good.

32:45Graham Norton:Well, I'm trying not to hurt his feelings because, yes, you know.

32:47Maria McErlane:Since when have you cared?

32:48Graham Norton:If somebody sent us this, we would roll our eyes and go, sweet Jesus in heaven, of course I'm not going to that. But these are Harry's friends. It's Harry's partner. He likes doing it. And as you said, it doesn't hurt anybody.

33:00Maria McErlane:It doesn't hurt anyone. So let him get on with it. It's not weird. But I feel, Harry, that your time could... You're very creative, obviously. Yes. I feel your time could be spent better doing something that might bring you greater reward. Well, we don't know what he does for a living.

33:16Graham Norton:But, you know...

33:17Maria McErlane:He's a hobbit, professional hobbit.

33:22Graham Norton:There's not so much work around these days. No, that Lord of the Rings reboot didn't do so well. Very sad. Look, he says himself, you know, he doesn't make people endure a Lord of the Rings-themed barbecue. Thank the Lord. It's just the invite. So it's a tiny thing, really. and maybe Harry is a little short or maybe he's a little hairy of foot. Oh, hobbity. And so he enjoys the idea of being a hobbit. Okay.

33:54Maria McErlane:So I'm going to say, Harry, thank you for sending that letter. I don't think you're weird, but I think your time could be better spent. I don't think it could. See, after all that, I've ended up being the more positive one. You were trying to be professional chat show hosts and be really kind. And then you said you don't think it could.

34:17Graham Norton:Harry, good luck to you. I don't think you're weird either. I just, you know, I think you're creative and you've got your little groove and your passions. So good luck to you. And Harry the Hobbit brings us to the end of this week's edition of Wanging On with Graham Maria. Thanks to Harry and everyone else who got in touch with the podcast.

34:32Maria McErlane:Yes, and a reminder that, of course, we are not experts. If you need professional advice or help Hobbit-y or otherwise, please go onto our Instagram page at wangingon to find out where you can find professional help.

34:47Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graham Maria is a Listen Production. We'll see you next Monday. Bye-bye.