In short
Graham Norton and Maria McCarlin return to their “advice in the loosest sense” podcast, joking about forgetting guests’ names and discussing TV culture, then answering listener dilemmas. Main advice segments: (1) A fiancé’s friend keeps recognizing his face from gay adult performer/porn days; should they tell the wife? (2) An Irish friend (“Kate”) cancels a France visit due to “glandular fever,” but the listener later learns Kate planned a road trip with an Italian man—should she confront or let it go? (3) “Am I Weird?”: a 52-year-old woman vents with repeated C-word expletives in her car after work.
Guests
None. The episode features hosts Graham Norton and Maria McCarlin, plus advice from multiple letter-writers (e.g., Matt in Orlando; Ella; Danielle from Australia; Lisa; Bianca from Brazil; Helga the Horrible; Roz; anonymous in Brisbane).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOCelebrity Encounters
0:08 to 0:31
Graham and Maria discuss the unexpected meetings of celebrities and fans.
“Donna Born in Roma Eau de Parfum is a feminine fragrance featuring juicy blackcurrant, central jasmine, woody cashmere, and warm vanilla.”
Celebrity Encounters
1:00 to 2:36
Graham and Maria discuss the unexpected meetings of celebrities and fans.
“Because let's face it, June Brown was probably never going to go to a Lady Gaga concert and certainly not pay extra for meet and greet.”
Historical Celebrity Guests
2:36 to 4:10
A humorous debate over which celebrities could have appeared in 1898.
“See, he'd have been a bad booking in 1898.”
Weddings and Celebrity Invitations
4:10 to 6:12
Graham shares a story about a celebrity he met at a wedding and their potential appearance on his show.
“And I don't think I've seen their name anywhere.”
Show Dynamics and Guest Selection
6:12 to 7:24
Discussion about the dynamics of having various celebrity guests on the show.
“Sometimes the best shows are kind of, you know, young kind of British people on and they're just having a laugh.”
The Challenges of Hosting
7:24 to 9:14
Graham talks about the challenges of remembering names and handling live shows.
“So do you get back in September and think, yes, let's do this again after 30 ,000 years?”
The Challenges of Hosting
10:50 to 13:03
Graham talks about the challenges of remembering names and handling live shows.
“And Maria, Gogglebox on Channel 4, it still really delivers.”
Advice for Matt's Dilemma
13:10 to 14:01
Graham and Maria tackle a listener's question about a sensitive family situation.
“And it's very short as well, which is hooray.”
Navigating Awkward Situations in Friendships
14:01 to 18:04
Learn how to handle sensitive revelations among friends.
“Do we quietly tell my friend's husband or let him continue to work it out and accidentally out himself to his wife?”
The Nature of Gay Porn and Its Storylines
18:05 to 22:43
Explore the nuances of gay porn narratives versus straight porn.
“I've never met Jeff Stryker, but I have a big, and it is big, Jeff Stryker doll.”
Show all 15 chapters
Public Perception and Personal History
22:44 to 26:30
Understand the implications of a partner's past and its impact on relationships.
“Your friend's husband could have an aha moment and blurt it out without realizing the potential impact.”
Ella's Dilemma: Friendship and Loneliness
28:17 to 31:11
A listener named Ella writes in about feeling abandoned by her friend Kate while living in France.
“Hey, if you have a smart telly, you can go to YouTube or Spotify and search for Wanging On.”
Graham and Maria's Perspective on Ella's Situation
31:11 to 35:08
Graham and Maria discuss Ella's feelings of betrayal and loneliness and offer advice on how to handle her situation.
“Oh, Ella, I'm really sorry that you're having such a lonely time, but I think all that's happened is that has magnified the fact that your friend Kate is not coming.”
Listener Reactions and Further Advice
35:08 to 38:21
The hosts read listener responses to Ella's dilemma, providing varying perspectives on how to approach her friendship.
“If you hate the bit you're in, you know, at the weekends, go see another bit.”
Expressing Anger and Physicality
42:37 to 44:30
Explore the importance of physical activity in managing anger and stress.
“Boxing club and go and biff some of this frustration out, which is very, you know, good exercise and also really good for the brain to kind of get that fury out.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This episode is brought to you by Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino Beauty, the iconic fragrance duo. Donna Born in Roma Eau de Parfum is a feminine fragrance featuring juicy blackcurrant, central jasmine, woody cashmere, and warm vanilla. Its masculine counterpart, Huomo Born in Roma Eau de Toilette, has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, spicy ginger, and mineral salt. Shop at macy's.com. gray roots entering the chat uninvited Garnier's got you Garnier color sensation root retouch covers up to 100 % of grays in just 10 minutes no ammonia no mess and the color lasts up to four weeks it's as easy to apply as shampoo plus it's vegan and cruelty free 10 minutes sensational color sensational price with those savings your next girl's night is basically free find your perfect match at walmart.com or at a store near you.
0:59A lot of times the celebrities are glad to meet kind of unexpected people, people they would never have met. Because let's face it, June Brown was probably never going to go to a Lady Gaga concert and certainly not pay extra for meet and greet. Sometimes I'd be like, I see them coming. Who the f*** are you? Who are you? I had a convertible for a brief moment and I would constantly forget that the roof was down and you'd be doing all your, I f***. And then you're, oh, Actually, everyone can hear me.
1:31Hello, hello, hello. It is time for your weekly appointment with me, Graham Norton, and my trusty pal, Maria McCarlin. And it's wanging on. It's an advice podcast in the loosest sense of that term. How are you?
1:43Maria McErlane:I'm good. I'm ready to wang this morning. Are you? Yeah, yeah. You're in the right spot, baby. I'm in wang mode. Uh-oh. Look out. I set that on my computer. Wang mode activated. ee ee ee ee emails a go go and another thing that's right have I told you now I'm quite excited by the fact that your chat shows it feels like it's been away for ever it's been away for half the year which is what we do we do it on for half and what I find so strange because next year no next year the year after we started in 98 so 28 will be 30 years 1898 1898 Before television, you were sitting in that studio, thinking, when are they going to invent television?
2:31I was going to make a joke about who the guests might be, and then I thought I have no idea who was alive. Charlie Chaplin. Who was alive in 1898.
2:38Maria McErlane:Charlie Chaplin. Was he? I don't know. He wasn't famous in 1898. 1898. Oh, no, I have no idea. No, thank you very much. See, he'd have been a bad booking in 1898. Jack the Ripper? Yes, very good. Come on, Jack, tell us how you did it. Was it you? Oh, come on. Just between us now, Jack. Come on. Yeah, there are no cameras. Can we really only think of one person from 1898? Jack the Ripper was the only celebrity booking in 1898.
3:08Oh, surely Charles Dickens was knocking around, or is he dead by then?
3:11Maria McErlane:No, he's 16. Oh, no, he, no, Charles Dickens, I think. All right, I'm trying to think of a... I think he might have been dead. What about a woman from the music hall? Mary Lloyd? Mary Lloyd! No, I think she's at 1900s, isn't she? I don't know. Again, she might have been a bad booking. I might have heard the up-and-coming Mary Lloyd. And now a little songbird here. You haven't heard of her. You've never seen her. Florence Nightingale? No. No. Maybe. Crimea War? Crimea River. So now let me ask you something. As your star has risen up the stratosphere and as you went to T.S.'s wedding all those months.
3:49Maria McErlane:I know. Whatever. where like every celebrity in the world was there. Most of them have been on your show, but there must have been a few there that weren't. Did you go around going, yeah, here's my car. Do you want to come on my show? No, I did not do that. Why not? One big star who's never been on the show, but I can't tell you who it was because I'd have to tell you that they were at the wedding. And I don't think I've seen their name anywhere. Okay. So I'm not sure people know they were at the wedding. But he, I'll give you that, he came up and said, oh, I've been meaning to come on your show.
4:21Maria McErlane:Is it somebody that you... I say that, I was quite drunk. Is it somebody... And I know he said something about the show. So he might have said, I've never come out on your fucking show. Oh, okay. But my drunk brain went, he's talking to me. That's not an arch. That's not an arch. Now I'm obviously desperate to know who it is. And then I got sick in my mouth and had to walk off. And then did you go like that to him? Yeah, you got a bit of carrot in your face there. So this year's stars on your show then, are we expecting a kind of, even though you get big stars on, are we expecting more of the same?
4:52Maria McErlane:Because everyone seems to love coming to Britain at the moment. All the Americans. And also because a lot of things are filmed here now. Because even at, you know, the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford, you know, Helen Hunt, famous Oscar winner and American actress, she's rocked up. It's a bit like when you see Americans at Edinburgh, you kind of think, did you know, have you ever been to Stratford before you signed up for this? Because it's quite a long winter, I would have thought, in Stratford. Well, I mean, you know, everybody in the summer was over for kind of Wimbledon. And, you know, we had lots of Nicole Kidman in the Royal Box.
5:26Maria McErlane:Formula One. Formula One is another one. So it's kind of like sport has become another area to be seen for the Hollywood stars. And your show, indeed, where they can be seen and do some talking, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Wanging even, if they're very het up, they can do some wanging. So give me your ideal guest that you haven't had on. I'm trying to get who this was. Apart from him. We've never, I mean, we've never had any royals. We've never had a Harry or a Kate or a William or a Meghan. You can probably get Harry now. I think in the end, you just want to make a good show because we tend not to kind of flag up who's coming on because you want people to watch the show.
6:09Because sometimes the best shows aren't the stariest shows. Sometimes the best shows are kind of, you know, young kind of British people on and they're just having a laugh.
6:19Maria McErlane:I mean, it's those ones, I think, where you get an odd mix and you think, oh, how is this going to work? And then it goes brilliant, like Lady Gaga and, God rest her soul, June Brown from EastEnders, which was lovely. And Lady Gaga seemed to be absolutely entranced by her with her handbag and her cigarettes. Well, I think a lot of times the celebrities are glad to meet kind of unexpected people, people they would never have met, you know, because let's face it, June Brown was probably never going to go to a Lady Gaga concert and certainly not pay extra for meet and greet. And Miriam Margulies, who was that that she was on with that was kind of spooky?
6:58Maria McErlane:Well, it's kind of anyone she meets. She always says, are you gay? And mostly she's right. Yeah, yeah. No, Miriam is a kind of a special person. She's a kind of break glass in case of emergency booking. I know. I think I've heard you say that before. And you can't have her on any couch. You know, sometimes you've got to think, oh. We need a quiet couch now. Because, oh, no, we need them to talk and not Miriam. Well, and also I think she might scare the horses sometimes. Yeah, with her farting. There's that. So do you get back in September and think, yes, let's do this again after 30 ,000 years?
7:33Maria McErlane:I do, weirdly. and particularly on the day. Like going back in the office is a bit of a bore. Why? Because it's an office. Oh, okay. Have you not read any of our letters? No. Offices are hell, Maria. Yeah, but you own the office. You're the boss of the office, surely. It's so horrible. You still don't want to go to it because it's very like work. Yeah. Whereas the next day in the studio, then it's show business. Then it's show business. But you've got to get all the backstories to the stars so that you can weave your magic and get all the stories in and remind people of the things they've told researchers.
8:08Yes, I feel like talking about this is a tempting fate. Jinx in it, okay. And I forget all their names. I won't know what movies they were in.
8:16Maria McErlane:Have you ever? You know, at the end, I always think, oh, what a great show. Now he's going to mess it all up when you have to go, thank you, everybody, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. And I think one day you're going to go, and him. At the very end of the show, the thing you see on telly when I'm going, you know that's all we've got time for tonight please thank that's written down oh so even I you know I mean my eyesight's not what it was but I can you normally the shape of the word suggests who it was can I suggest a good eye surgeon but then but then after the camera stopped rolling I've got to do some trails and I say to the audience you know we're going to hang around we're going to do some trails but for now please one more time this great couch and I'm standing behind them going da da da da da you have to say it again without the autocue.
9:04And then sometimes I'd be like, I see them coming. I'm like, who the fuck are you? Who are you? It's bad. But I've never actually blanked. And you know, when you... But I've come very close to blanking.
9:19Maria McErlane:If you do blank, will you think, I can't do this anymore? No. My mind has gone. No. There's a brilliant clip. I hope he doesn't mind me talking about this. No, but presumably you've got someone in your ear not at that point. Seeing, oh. No, the show's over. Okay. So I'm helpless. But I don't think you'll mind me talking about this. There's a clip of RuPaul at the screening of his movie, Stop That Train. And he's introducing the director and he's a big fan of the director. He directed him in a whole series called AJ and the Queen for Netflix. And he was an executive producer on this show. They loved working with him.
9:55And he's talking for a very long time before he introduces this director. I can't remember his name. And you suddenly become clear he does not know his name. and he's turning and he's looking at the big poster behind him. Hoping it will be on it. Hoping it says directed by. No. Oh, no. Oh, it's bad. And I feel, I know that will be me one day. Who was the director? Do you know? No way. I never worked with him. I'm allowed not to know who he is.
10:24Maria McErlane:And did the director come up? It was Adam something, I think. Okay, did the director come up and say, I know you forgot my name, but... I didn't watch the rest of the clip. Oh. It wasn't interesting after he rocked up. Who cares? Mr. Nobody. Hey, do you know what we should do? Do some letters. Yes, we will. We'll get to our first problem in but a moment.
10:46This episode is sponsored by TV Licensing. And Maria, Gogglebox on Channel 4, it still really delivers. You kind of think that format, surely you'd have run out of steam by now.
10:59Maria McErlane:It's very funny, but they mix it up too much now. I quite liked the old regulars, and they're getting lots of new people now, which I don't like. They have to get new people. Of course they do. And then it's sink or swim, because sometimes the new people, you watch them slowly peter out, and then finally they're gone. Yeah. Now they're just watching Gogglebox. It's a cruel mother, showbiz, isn't it? It really is. Sink or swim is the optimum, really. I find it really makes me like kind of Britain, if you know what I mean. If you go to think, that's a cross-section of society. The way they react to programs, the way they react to the news, I just think they're very kind of sane.
11:38Maria McErlane:It's every man, isn't it? Yeah, but they're very sane. Every woman, every person, I should say. And they've got no time for bullshit. They can really spot it. Yes. I like them. I've been watching Bluey Graham, a children's program. It's about my age group. You can watch that on BBC iPlayer or on CBeebies. I was just... I know. I was intrigued as to why this is so popular. People love Louis. It is mahusive. And I think it's because, A, it's really garish. You know, like Teletubbies was kind of like garish. And also, it sort of has a moral to it in every episode. So the children kind of learning out how to make decisions and how to kind of morally judge what's right and what's wrong.
12:22Maria McErlane:I just thought this was more popular with my children, when I say my children, my friend's children. Bluey was really, really popular with them. It's funny because the animation's not very sophisticated. Not at all, but the colours and the voices, I think. I mean, who knows what children love? I don't know. Who knows what they're seeing? They're probably receiving messages from the dark side. You were lucky to get out of there alive. But I found it sort of quite captivating because of its garishness and also because of the message. I quite like the message. It's simple, you know, it's not a complicated message.
12:58A TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels as well as everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk slash pod. All right, there's an inbox. She's rustling towards it. Yes, she has. She's got it in one.
13:14Maria McErlane:I forget every time. And then I remember. Just peeking out, winking at you. I know, so exciting. And it's very short as well, which is hooray. So marvelous. Dear Graham and Maria, after six years together, my fiancé and I have finally run the immigration gauntlet and brought him here to the US so we can get married. As you can imagine, introducing him to all of my family and friends has been a whirlwind. After meeting him in person, my dear friend's husband keeps going on about how he knows him from somewhere, or I recognize that face. Until now, my fiancé has lived his entire life in Venezuela and Colombia.
13:51Maria McErlane:There is only one way the husband can recognise my fiancé from his time as a gay adult performer online. Hello. Do we quietly tell my friend's husband or let him continue to work it out and accidentally out himself to his wife? And that is from Matt in Orlando. That's a good, good problem. It is. And I could, it was only the end that I got, because I kept wondering, I wonder if it's a gay friend, what does it matter? Yeah, yeah. But no, bad that it's a... Well, I just think, you know, this is 2026. Is it still 2026? I don't know. I don't know. We're not here for dates. No, that's true. That's true.
14:35These episodes are timeless. You can lay these down like wine. Really?
14:41Maria McErlane:I don't think so. No, I think, Matt in Orlando, you do nothing about this. You absolutely do nothing because, you know, people watch gay porn who aren't necessarily gay. Women watch gay porn. I mean, it's like you don't out people for watching whatever they watch. And I don't think it matters unless you want people to know that he was an adult gay entertainer in Venezuela or Colombia or wherever. But I just think, leave it. At some point, he's going to stop saying, Where do I know your face from? Where do I know? You know, you could say, oh, he used to do porn in Venezuela. That's, you know, if you want, but I would just let this go.
15:21Maria McErlane:I don't think it's a big issue. What do you think? You're looking at me as though you think that there's a way around this. Well, I don't know. Because if you just let him continually do it. Well, he won't continually. But if he stops, then the wife might go, oh, have you figured out where you know him from? and he'll have to go, no, he looked like somebody else I saw once. That's right. Well, you know, we always go through, you know, who's that person? I'm sure I've seen you before and it's just you've met someone at a work stew or whatever. There's a lot of that goes on. Not everybody was an adult gay performer in Venezuela.
15:59Not everyone's that lucky.
16:01Maria McErlane:No, exactly. Not everyone's lived the dream. So I think maybe one of these days, maybe he's going to, you know, ferret away in his own old VHSs and kind of go, there he is. But then he'll kind of have to fess up. VHSs? Well, that's what I'm saying. How old is his fiancée? No wonder he's given up and moved to America. He didn't retire voluntarily. His old 8mm. I mean, I just... I don't think you need to say anything. I feel like it might be a kindness just to tip him a wink and just kind of go, you might have, you don't even have to say you probably wanked over him. You just say, you know, you might have seen him online.
16:50Believe it or not.
16:51Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, no, no, that's not good. But anyway, the other thing I want to know is who looks at people's faces in pornography? That's not what you're looking at, surely. These are very artistic. They're beautiful. There was a lot of story. Was there now? There was a lot of story about the problem with the plumbing before they got to it. That's why he watches them. He watches them for the story. No, but wait. He likes the quiet drama. Is gay porn about plumbing as well? Because straight porn is always about, you know, a window cleaner coming around to do the windows, or the plumber coming around to the washing machine.
17:22Maria McErlane:Oh, no, my bra's falling off. I don't think gay porn has window cleaners in it much. No. I think it's more aspirational than that. But there isn't a story. Oh, I think some gay porn stories. I saw a Jeff Stryker thing where he was in prison. There you go. And then there was a... What happened, Maria? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm going to tell you. There was him in a cell and then next to him... The tension's unbearable. Next to him in another cell, but they're only separated by bars, bars, bars. Oh, I know what you can get through a bar. Yes! You've seen it. And it's not a file.
17:59Maria McErlane:Jeff Stryker could barely get his through the bar. He was known for it. There are dildos in the Jeff Stryker name, I believe. I've never met Jeff Stryker, but I have a big, and it is big, Jeff Stryker doll. And it's anatomically correct, Jeff Stryker doll. And it's signed to me, you know, dear Graham, much love Jeff Stryker. But I have no recollection of where it came from. Answer on a postcard, please. You did used to get quite drunk in the olden days. That's right. Of course, I'd have worked in Venezuela and poor. so I might have bumped into him then that's where you came across him
18:37Matt in Orlando I say say something you don't have to be all like oh I've got I think if you are going to say something what you don't want to come across as I've got one on you now or like I might emotionally blackmail you just be really oh you might know yes I think you need to do it very delicately I think doing nothing is I think you're letting your friend's husband possibly, you know, it could go wrong, I feel. I feel it could go wrong.
19:08Maria McErlane:But do you say it in front of his wife? No! Okay, well then don't say anything at all if she's not allowed to know. Well, I don't think the husband would want to know unless she's not watching the porn with him or she'd go, don't you remember, darling? It's the man who brought the pizzas in that lovely film we watched. He added extra hot sauce. That's the one, yes. And do you remember, yes, he spilled the sauce on himself and had to take all his clothes off. Yeah, that's right. No, I just think it's, you know, let it go. This is a new life for him. You don't want to drag that around with you, or maybe you do.
Read the full transcript
19:44Maria McErlane:Get on. He'll soon forget, or he'll remember. It'll come to him one night in his dreams. Yes. And also, it's a delicate one, because I wonder if Matt Norlando, if he and his fiancé want the big friend group to know. That's what I'm thinking. I think they might do. Or they want people to know. I think there's some, you know, some... A frisson. Yeah. Well, there's something to be gained. You know, it's an anecdote or two or six or nine. And, you know, he doesn't want to blank out his past. He's not ashamed of it. No. So why not? But I think this might be delicate in that particular situation. I think in different groups of friends, you might want to be open.
20:26Maria McErlane:but also it's not important. Wangers, speak. Yeah. Julie says, absolutely let him work it out for himself. When he does, ask him if he still watches. That's quite good. For an R. Roz says, I've recently joined the Wangers gang and as my first response to a dilemma, I'm glad to say this is an easy one. Next time your friend's husband makes reference to your partner's familiarity, simply laugh and say, oh, maybe it's from his porn star days. Everyone will think you're joking, but it will plant the seed in his head, and that is, in fact, where he knows you from. You'll all just have a laugh, but he will stop saying that he finds him familiar.
21:04Maria McErlane:The crisis has been averted. Well, thank you, Roz, as a first-time wanger. I think that's pretty good advice. I feel that could go wrong, too, because the husband won't be able to control his face. So if you go, maybe you know from his sports nowadays, you go, ha. And then the wife will go, oh, that's a funny reaction to an amusing joke. I like the fact that you have decided that the husband can't control his face. Well, because you'd be shocked. You'd have an inner shock. I've got a, oh, God, it's him. You internalize the shock. You go, no, I'm in porn star. You go. I still saw it there. You saw it?
21:39I saw it. I saw it.
21:40Maria McErlane:What about the tinier one then? Porn star days. I don't know. I don't know. I'll do it to you now. You might remember him from his porn star days. What?
21:56Maria McErlane:There's a reason you never made it as an actor. Anyway, Derek Ross, you delighted us. You delighted us. Now, Slorco. Is that Slavco? Slaw. S-L-A-W-K-O. Slorco in Portugal. I think it really comes down to one question. How comfortable are you and your fiancé with his past, especially if it comes up unexpectedly? He has absolutely no obligation to justify or explain his past. His choices were completely valid. But he's the one who could be put in an uncomfortable position. If someone else...
22:36Maria McErlane:Grow up. I'm just annoyed I didn't do that. If someone else were to bring it up.
22:46Maria McErlane:Your friend's husband could have an aha moment and blurt it out without realizing the potential impact. If you and your fiancé are already open about his past and feel prepared to handle that scenario, then I wouldn't bring it up beforehand. On the other hand, if it's something you'd rather not have discussed publicly or on someone else's terms, It may be worth quietly mentioning it to your friend's husband in advance to avoid an awkward surprise later. You see, he's not ashamed of his past. I don't think so. I don't think. But then, if we're talking about it, if it's an open thing with all the friend group, then the husband should have figured it out by now.
23:25Yeah.
23:25Maria McErlane:Well, it's not an open thing, but it's not closed either. I mean, I think it's just that was then, this is now. He's got a new life now in America. key and maybe he wants to leave that part behind soon he'll be back doing it i feel yes do you think maybe he didn't make porn maybe he was like a cam boy what does that mean you know the you go online and they kind of you know take the pants off and dance for you oh like only fans yeah okay maybe it was that does it matter which well because then that's kind of uh maybe that's a more hidden past because there's no record of that you're not going to you know find him in, you know, porn films.
24:05Maria McErlane:Okay. Is that what it's called, a cam boy? I think so, because I only know this because... You know. Oh, you know. I do know. Because I watched... And no one saw this bloody thing. Okay. And I really hope they make a season two of it. It's called Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. It's on Apple. Okay. And it was so good, and it kind of went without trace. And Murray Bartlett was in it. You know Murray Bartlett, the Australian guy from White Lotus? He was in it. and I can't remember anyone else who did it. Julia Louise Dreyfus' son is it. Oh, okay. Can we name check that again? Because I'm going to have to look that up.
24:42Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. And is it porny? It starts with a camboy and the murder of a camboy.
24:48Maria McErlane:Oh, okay. And it just spirals. It's great. Okay. It's really, really good. One series. So far. And so unless people hurry up and watch it, please watch it. So that'll be a season two. We were meant to be asking, one of the wangs. Oh, all right. Go on. Megan in Glasgow says, This is so juicy and I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he finally finds out or when the penny drops. Do you know how open your friend is in their relationship? Maybe his interest in gay porn isn't a secret and she might watch it too. Depending on how your relationship is with them, this is maybe something you could play with and drop hints in a playful way to watch it unfold.
25:24Maria McErlane:If they don't seem the type and maybe wouldn't be open to the teasing or the hints, maybe best to just leave it and see what happens. I mean, totally, leaving it is the easiest thing to do. Yeah. I think just don't make a big deal of things. There's nothing in life to make big deals about. But, no, I just... Porn star pass. No, no, but I just see, I can somehow see it becoming a thing. If it's a big surprise. Yes. When they kind of go, oh God, that's how I know you. And suddenly the wife is freaking out. You know what I mean? I think you could just diffuse the situation. Any more for any more?
25:58Yes.
25:59Maria McErlane:Danielle from Australia says, Here's a question. Who's remembering the faces of the performers in the porn they've watched? Really not the point of porn, is it? Now, please stop with the conspiracy theory about your friend's husband secretly being gay. I used to see a lady at the shops who looks just like my niece. This sort of thing happens all the time. Maybe your boyfriend has a similarity to an old friend or workmate who he no longer sees. I'm wondering if secretly you just want people to know you hooked up with a porn star. Quit the drama and move on. No nonsense from Danielle I love Danielle from Australia That's very good That's really good Yes, maybe it's nothing to do with wanking The husband just, he looks a bit familiar Maybe it's the cashier in Mr.
26:45Maria McErlane:Byright I mean, your solution, Danielle, is very dull But it's more likely, isn't it? Yeah, yeah I like Danielle, thank you very much Do wang in again please do Matt thank you very much for sharing your dilemma it was a good one juicy juicy we did we liked it and don't forget if you'd like to share your dilemma we'd love to hear it you could email us wangingon at listen.co.uk we'll be knee deep in another problem in just a moment grey roots entering the chat uninvited Garnier's got you Garnier colour sensation root retouch covers up to 100 % of greys in just 10 minutes no ammonia no mess and the color lasts up to four weeks.
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28:11Find your perfect match at walmart.com or at a store near you. Wangers rejoice. You can watch us on your TV.
28:21Maria McErlane:Hooray! Hey, if you have a smart telly, you can go to YouTube or Spotify and search for Wanging On. Yeah, it's great. You can find our full episodes, all of them. So you can binge them all or you can watch us weekly, like a normal person. This is the brave new world of visualised podcasting, Maria. I am all over it. Stream Wanging On on your smart telly now. Maria, I believe there's a second later. I know, there is. Ding! Oh, the posts arrived. Two pages. Two pages. Oh, not the second letter. You're going to have a long one. That should be the first letter when you have energy. Okay. I'm taking a run up here.
29:06Maria McErlane:Here we go. Dear Graham and Maria, firstly, thank you so much for your wonderful podcast. Your valuable entertainment has been a great help over the last few months. And I'm hoping you can provide some meaningful advice regarding my following dilemma. I'm all ears. Yeah, thank you. I studied French and Spanish at university, meaning I'm lucky enough to spend the third year of my degree abroad. For six months, I studied at a Spanish uni and loved it. I especially got close to an Irish girl. Let's call her Kate. I consider her one of my closest friends, and we both shed a tear when we had to part ways and leave Spain.
29:41Maria McErlane:Since then, I've moved to the south of France and not been so lucky. I find myself fighting mosquito bites, bad sunburn, and a lack of social life. In order to relieve some of my loneliness, Kate booked flights for an extended trip to France, and I was obviously very excited about her visit. However, a fortnight before she was due to fly out, I received a message explaining that she had come down with a bad case of glandular fever and therefore could not come. I immediately texted back, offering bucketloads of sympathy and wishing a speedy recovery. A day after her cancellation, I happened to be talking to a mutual friend of ours.
30:20Maria McErlane:She mentioned that Kate had booked flights to go and visit an Italian guy that we all knew in Spain. I knew that Kate and this Italian man had a casual romantic relationship, but I didn't know that it was serious enough to book an international flight. Our mutual friend went on to explain the two lovers planned to do a road trip of his home region on the same dates Kate was planning on visiting me. I know I may not have the same allure as her Italian fella, but we made plans and reserved flights well in advance, and it seems rather unfair of her to cancel and then lie about it. I was already feeling alone in a foreign country, and this has only made things worse.
30:58Maria McErlane:Please help. Do I pretend I don't know anything and let this one slide? Just be a bit cold until the relationship fizzles out, or do I confront her? Any advice? Welcome. And that is from Ella. Oh, Ella, I'm really sorry that you're having such a lonely time, but I think all that's happened is that has magnified the fact that your friend Kate is not coming. Listen, she had the chance of some sexy time with a lovely Italian fella and miserable you being lonely and fed and mosquitoes. What are you going to choose? I'm sorry, but that's the truth. You have to grab the bull by the horns and go out and get a social life, the same as you had in Spain.
31:39Maria McErlane:You can do the same in France. You've got to just pick yourself up here and go, I am a bit lonely, but I am the only one who can rectify that. No one coming to save you, not Kate, not anybody else. You have to go out, introduce yourself. You've done it once in Spain. You can do it again in France. Well, don't bother because it'll be over in a minute. What? The Italian? She's only there for a few months. You know, you had a nice time in Spain, horrible time in France, came home. End of. Yeah. I mean, the trouble, I mean, I totally agree with you, Maria. I think Ella's problem is that she's having a miserable time in France.
32:14And so she has turned this incident. It's not even a problem. It's an incident into a huge thing because she built the visit up in her head. My saviour will come. Yeah, my saviour is going to come. Everything's going to be different when Kate's there. All that would happen is Kate's there bitching about the mosquito bites and the sun and how horrible it is. So look, Kate tried to do a nice thing and then she got a better offer. That's what happened. And in a way, Ella, you're right. The friendship is clearly not what you thought it was.
32:46Maria McErlane:Well, it was in Spain. It was in Spain. But things don't travel sometimes. Yeah, exactly. So I think don't overthink it. Don't confront her. If the relationship fizzles out, I mean, your friendship fizzles out, then so be it. You're young. This was a, you know, you bonded on holiday. And when you bump into her in 20 years' time, you'll go, oh, my God, you're the Irish girl from Spain. I remember. Yeah. Still haven't forgiven you. Yeah. How's your Italian man still with him? Oh, you killed him. Oh, good. He killed you. All right. I mean, I think Kate did a nice thing in as much as she probably knew and could feel the intensity of your need.
33:24Maria McErlane:So she didn't want to say, look, I'm going out with this Italian bloke. Do you mind if I don't come? She had to invent something because she was trying to not make it seem so pointed. So her lie was a white lie, both to cover her own back and also to let you down a bit. But probably your messages to her haven't been that appealing. I must say, I quite like the Irish friend, Kate, for coming up with glandular fever. Yeah, no, that's quite good. Which was a good one. Yeah. I like glandular fever because it's very serious, but at the same time, it won't have lasting impact or anything. You will get over it.
33:56Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah.
33:59Maria McErlane:Not if Ella has anything to do with it. I've still got glandular fever. Here's the thing, Ella, though. if you want this friendship to survive, do not bring it up. Do not confront her. Because if you do that, she will double down and she will hate herself because of what she's done to you and she'll have to turn that on you. She'll blame you somehow for making her feel bad and it will be the end of the friendship. So I would just, I would let it slide because it is a thing. I mean, stupid of her to lie. You could have just said, oh, actually. But when you're young, you do that because you don't want to confront a horrible thing.
34:36Maria McErlane:You don't want somebody to be upset with you. So you think, oh, just lie instead. But I think, Ella, you should just use this as a kind of, you know, kick up the ass to make you go, well, I'm either going to continue to have a horrible time here or I'm going to pick myself up and go out and meet people and have a nice time here. That's what I did when I was in Spain and I'll do it again here. And as Graham says, in a minute, it will be over. Yeah, in a minute, it'll be over. And also, you know, are you chained to a bit of furniture in France? Like, travel a bit, move around. You're in France. If you hate the bit you're in, you know, at the weekends, go see another bit.
35:12You know, spend your time.
35:14Maria McErlane:Shall we see what the Wangs say? They will have a lot to say about this. Do you think? Do you think, Graham? They'll be very invested. Lisa doesn't tell us where she is, says, Life is not fair and people are complicated. I wouldn't play games with Kate. I would wait until she returns from her trip with the Italian guy. then ask how it went. This will let her know you're aware of her last minute change in plans. Remember, she lied to you about being sick and that's not the basis for a healthy relationship. C 'est la vie. Okay, Lisa. Lisa's been around the block. She's been hurt. I think she has.
35:45She's been hurt before.
35:46Maria McErlane:I think she's got a little bit of bitterness that remains in her soul. There's been a Kate in her life. Yeah. I think quite a few. Bianca from Brazil says, oh, come on. Brazil, come on. We've never had Brazil before. I know, right? I know. And also, alliteration, Bianca from Brazil. Hey, Bianca from Brazil. Oh, come on. She shouldn't have lied, but something tells me she knew you wouldn't take it well. Felt kind of guilty and didn't want the confrontation. You can be the bestest of friends, but you're talking about a romantic time with a handsome guy in Italy. If she were to turn him down to go and be with you, she'd resent you the whole time.
36:25Maria McErlane:Be happy for your friend and let this one go. You'd hope she would do the same for you. Good advice there from Bianca in Brazil. I mean, there's alliteration, but also balance. She's very balanced. She's very, very sensible and sane, Bianca. I think she'd be a nice friend. And also, I think everything you said is true, that if she had gone to the Italian bloke, oh, damn. I've got to go and see this Dullard in France. I've got to see Ella in mosquito-ridden Camargue. Camargue. In the Camargue region. So many canals. then she would have just sat there kind of, you know, sipping wine, going, Jesus, I could be riding an Italian man right now.
37:08Maria McErlane:Riding is such an Irish thing. Ridy-riding. She is Irish. Sure, he's such a ride now. Oh, what a ride. I mean, also sometimes friendships are good where they start and then they must be like, you know, there's no guarantee that a friendship will travel well. No, no. Beverly in Ontario, Canada, says, Sorry Kate bailed on you, but she had a better offer. Wink. I suggest in a couple of weeks you reach out to her and let her know that you learn she passed on visiting you to visit this other fellow. Tell her that although you were disappointed and had looked forward to seeing her, you hope the trip went well for her, and that in future you'd be okay with her honesty.
37:45Maria McErlane:That's again, it's like... You don't need to do this. No, no. I think you just let her go. Yeah. Who cares about stupid Kate? Helga the Horrible, a regular wanger. Oh, she is a regular wanger, yes. Yeah, yeah. I mean, normally good advice. Yeah, yeah. Ouch. This dilemma is so heartbreaking. Count your blessings to have seen how Kate really is before you got too serious with her. Tell her what your common friend told you. Wish her well if she was sick, but tell her you can do better. Then move on. Buy yourself good sunscreen and 40-deet mosquito repellent and get out there. People will not come to you.
38:21Maria McErlane:The only action against loneliness is to initiate human contact. Good luck. That is true, Helga the Horrible. Absolutely wise. One, I think the sunscreen and the oscuro-repellent. And to initiate. Yeah. Rather than wait for something to happen. I mean, people may scream and run away because you're bright red and covered in bites. Yeah. It's a look. It's a look, and I think she can probably pull it off. Yeah, if anyone can. It's Ella. Wangers, have you got further advice for Ella? Do pop it in the comments below. Oh, should she end the friendship with Kate or should she forgive her? And Ella, thank you very much for writing in.
39:01Just time before we go for another dollop of Am I Weird? Am I Weird? Mmm, today's?
39:09Maria McErlane:Yes, today's Am I Weird is an anonymous submission. That's already promising. Yeah. Hi, Graham and Maria. I'm in Brisbane, Queensland, and love you both. Your podcast is a real treat that always gives me a little boost on a Monday. See, I thought in Australia it would come out on a Sunday. Oh. Because of the time difference. Time difference. Because they live in the future. You know the past. Oh, do they? Or future? Oh, it should be Tuesday. It comes out on Tuesday. Tuesday. She doesn't say Tuesday. No, it says Monday. That's what it comes out here. That's true. Interesting. And you say interesting.
39:43Which aspect of it? Has anyone got a pen? I want to write this down.
39:49Maria McErlane:Okay. A little boost on a Monday. Am I weird? Every day after I leave the office and get into my car, I let out a stream of expletives, as many as I can think of to describe the people I work with. I don't shout, but just firmly say them out loud, and I instantly feel much better. I need to learn more obscenities so that I can really get out all my frustration. I usually end up repeating the C word over and over, as it is the most delicious. I have never used this word in front of anyone in my life, and I really only embraced it about five years ago. I am a 52-year-old woman, so no more explanation needed.
40:29Maria McErlane:Now I use it constantly and almost exclusively in my thoughts and in my car. Am I weird? Warm wishes from Australia. No, not weird. Menopausal. Well, I think the weird bit is you've only started this age 52. Well, only using the C word. Yeah, I mean, but like, this is, I think, your car is such a great safe space to just vent fury. And I'm really kind of like, that you didn't know, that you don't know any more obscenities. There's very good books from the Victorian era of obscenities that you might want to, you know, learn something about and use in your car. Yeah. Because the C word can get a bit repetitive.
41:11Maria McErlane:But also something about saying the C word or ranting, normally it's kind of other people's reaction you need. You need somebody to rant at or to rant to. And so your car, while lovely, is not really absorbing any of these insults. Oh, I think the car is perfect, the perfect place to do this. I would also suggest, Anonymous in Australia, that you maybe book yourself into after work like a boss. Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy, 30 minutes of Scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season.
41:49We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs premieres Wednesday on ABC.
42:00Maria McErlane:And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. Hello, Superman. Hello. Look what TJ Maxx dragged in. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu. We are digital. We are downloadable. We are streamable. The fashion event of the year is certified fresh. Pull yourself together. We have work to do. Critics say it's smart and witty and the perfect sequel. That's all. Get runway ready for The Devil Wears Prada 2 on Disney Plus and Hulu. Rated PG-13. Boxing club and go and biff some of this frustration out, which is very, you know, good exercise and also really good for the brain to kind of get that fury out.
42:49Maria McErlane:I don't know what it is that you do, Anonymous, in Australia that makes you so furious. He's a boxing coach. That would be so good. That would be so good. But, yeah, I think you should go and do a bit of boxing. that would be really helpful for exercise, getting the bad chemicals out of your brain. And, you know, if people listening to you as they walk past your car, I wonder. I mean, that is the important thing, I think, because, you know, being angry in your car is one thing. But then I remember I had a convertible for a brief moment, and I would constantly forget that the roof was down, and you'd be doing all your, I have fucking, and then you're, oh, actually, everyone would hear me.
43:32I must stop
43:33Maria McErlane:Do you do that just generally or people driving? Kind of generally When I'm driving everyone annoys me Yeah, yeah Like pedestrians you know people on the radio everything I just Yeah And do you shout at them? I mean you can shout and not get cancelled as well Oh, in the car? Yeah, yeah Because I sometimes shout at things I think Oh, I'm cancelling myself now Should we stop this soon? Let's stop this very now before we actually start saying the things you've said No, I won't say it So I'm saying not weird. I mean, the only weird thing is, as I say, that it's taking you this long to develop this habit.
44:10Maria McErlane:Of the C word. Yeah. She was 47 when she started using the C word. That's a good title for a book. What a waste of 47 good years. I know, right? I started when I was four. So I'm going to say no, not weird. I'm probably menopausal. And I think you need some physicality to get that anger out as well. Well, with that foul language, we bid adieu to this episode of Wanging On with Graham and Maria. We're not experts, as you have probably worked out, for genuine help with the problems we've discussed today. You should seek it out from the proper channels. There's more on our Instagram, at wangingon.
44:45Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a platform media production, and we will see you next time. Goodbye.
From the publisher
Graham's chat show returns for 2026: he spills the beans on dynamite guest combinations, and if he ever forgets his guests' names after interviewing them for an hour. Spoiler alert: he does.
Also: what if somebody recognises your husband from his secret pornstar past? And should you stay friends with someone who fobs you off for a sexy weekend with a hot Italian? Dive in and Wang On about all this and more in this week's episode!
📧 If you have a dilemma for the show, please email WangingOn@listen.co.uk
Wanging On with Graham and Maria is produced by Platform Media.
----- 📲 Follow Wanging On on social media for clips and dilemmas: - Follow us on Instagram: @wangingon - Follow us on TikTok: @wangingon - Follow us on Facebook @wangingon
----- ⚠️ Disclaimer: Graham and Maria are not qualified professionals and do not offer professional advice. The topics discussed on this podcast are based on personal experiences and opinions, and should not be taken as expert advice. If any of the issues raised affect you, please seek support from appropriate professional services such as your GP, NHS services, or relevant charities and helplines, including these: https://platformmedia.uk/helplines/
----- 📖 Chapters:
00:00 Coming Up...
00:31 Graham Norton Returns to his Chat Show!
09:46 Graham and Maria Love Gogglebox and Bluey
12:07 Do You Recognise My Pornstar Husband??
26:45 "A Hot Italian Ride" 👀
37:04 Do You Swear in the Car?
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