Throuple Trouble!! Plus: Why Doesn't My Husband Fart?

4:02Graham Norton:Yeah. I mean, yeah, it is that terrible thing when people go, oh, can you just do this? And you're sitting there going, I can't now say, I've no idea. that with a PDF. Because clearly it's a very simple thing to do. Yeah.

4:16Maria McErlane:But we're of the generation that didn't really get any of that.

4:19Graham Norton:Whereas I think it's like the 100th monkey now. What does that mean? So there's a theory apparently that I think maybe it was a real experiment where they got these monkeys in a tribe, you know, or pack, whatever monkeys live in. Yeah. And they, you have to laboriously teach every monkey how to, like a skill, like how to open a bottle or something. Hoovering. Hoovering, that kind of, useful things like that. Delivering breakfast. You have to treat, laboriously treat each monkey. But apparently when you have taught the hundredth monkey, monkeys are born knowing how to do that thing.

4:56Maria McErlane:Get out of here.

4:57Graham Norton:That's what I hear.

4:58Maria McErlane:That sounds to me like a genetic mishap.

5:01Graham Norton:It sounds like a made-up hippie nonsense. Yes. But I chose to believe it in 1982, and I still do.

5:10Maria McErlane:That's like people saying if you leave monkeys in a room long enough, they'll be able to write like Shakespeare.

5:16Graham Norton:Yeah, that's unlikely.

5:18Maria McErlane:Well, I think this is unlikely that the 100th monkey, suddenly they'll know how to do the hoovering.

5:23Graham Norton:Well, except I think kids are born knowing, you know, like, you know, that people have that experience of kids, you show kids a book and they're trying to make the picture bigger.

5:31Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, I love that.

5:33Graham Norton:You know, all of that.

5:33Maria McErlane:No, but kids are on their phones now from the age of two and three. They're watching Miss Rachel on an iPhone. They're knowing how to, you know, stop that bit, play this game, play Candy Crush. What are you looking at?

5:45Graham Norton:Well, who's Miss Rachel?

5:46Maria McErlane:Well, you see, if you knew what the kids know, you'd know. When I mean kids.

5:51Graham Norton:Oh, is it for children? Yeah. Oh, just as well I don't know then. Yeah. I'd be arrested.

5:55Maria McErlane:It's very sweet. She's got one of those voices that babies really respond to. And she goes, hello, can you see mama? And babies all kind of, you know, they swivel, their heads swivel, like the exorcist towards the television. Wow. Yeah, Miss Rachel is worth a lot. She's a bit like... Is she a cartoon? No, she's a real person. Really? Yeah. Miss Rachel? Miss Rachel, you must look her up.

6:16Graham Norton:Does she have a podcast?

6:17Maria McErlane:I hope so. I hope she talks in that voice as well. Can you say podcast? I'm on YouTube. Can you spell it? You. Anyway, anything else to discuss?

6:34Graham Norton:No, we do not. We will commence with this week's Dilemmas next.

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7:31Graham Norton:Maria, without delay, please. Please read a letter aloud.

7:35Maria McErlane:This is a very small letter. Dear Graham and Maria, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man who I love. We've been together for over six years. The problem is he doesn't fart, or rather he does, but he absolutely refuses to acknowledge it and he finds the whole subject unbearably embarrassing. Over the years, a few slips have happened from both of us and each time he turned crimson red with discomfort. I find it both sad and funny. But the reality is I'm struggling. What? I end up holding things in, sometimes so badly that I go to sleep in another room under some pretext, just so I can finally let go.

8:16Maria McErlane:It's getting to the point where I'm dreading the bloating. And even though I love him dearly, I sometimes feel relieved when he goes away so I can fart freely in peace. I've even thought about getting a dog just so that we can blame it on him. But is that fair on the poor dog? What should I do? Is there a way to diffuse the embarrassment without making him feel ridiculed? Or am I doomed to a life of secret farting? That is from Lucinda. Is this for real, Graham?

8:44Graham Norton:Yes, I think it is. But I think what all Lucinda needs to do is ask yourself, Lucinda, do you love farting more than your partner? If you do, then...

8:55Maria McErlane:There's an answer.

8:56Graham Norton:Yeah, then be alone with your farts.

8:58Maria McErlane:No, the thing to do, Lucinda, is you both need to get over yourselves. This is a very normal human reaction. We have a build-up of gas, we have to let it go. I don't know what you mean. Yeah, and, you know, yes, I can see that letting great big loud farts go in the theatre or cinema is not socially acceptable. But in your own home or in the loo, I mean, do you not go to the loo sometimes and do a blow-off, as I like to call it?

9:29Graham Norton:A blow-off? Well, Lucinda makes it sound like she's letting go of a balloon when she goes into the spare bedroom. Well, she's been holding it in so long. Circling round.

9:40Maria McErlane:Poor Lucinda has gone weeks without farting. And I think also when we, even if we don't fart audibly, we do, you've heard silent but deadly. Sometimes it's silent, but not so deadly.

9:52Graham Norton:It's the thing when you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what's coming out, yes.

9:57Maria McErlane:But if you're connected with that element of your body, which everyone should be, because we all learnt not to poo in public or not to poo as soon as we felt like we wanted to poo, you know, to find a loo, to look embarrassed and go crimson. Do not go crimson into that sweet night, Greg. So you need to get in touch with your body, both of you, to go red with each other when you've been together for six years. It's insinia.

10:21Graham Norton:Well, I think this guy, it's obviously something to do with his upbringing. I think he'd one of those mothers.

10:26Maria McErlane:Oh, yeah, blame the mother, of course. Well, or dads. Yeah, thanks.

10:29Graham Norton:My parents, whatever. But anyway, parents. Always the women that get blamed.

10:32Maria McErlane:Well. Yeah, parents, you're right. There's been some issues surrounding farting and poo and general kind of unpleasantness.

10:39Graham Norton:The toilet activities. Look, eventually, you're going to grow old together. He'll be deaf. And then you'll have at it. You'll really enjoy your retirement.

10:50Maria McErlane:No, but I want you both to kind of be, get real here, and just understand that this is a normal thing. This is not dirty. It's not funny, even, although, you know, farts will always be funny. I think so.

11:03Graham Norton:But I think he's one of those guys who thinks it's kind of puerile and juvenile. And, you know, and actually...

11:09Maria McErlane:It might be, but it's a natural process that the body has to go through. You've got to get rid of that gas, baby.

11:14Graham Norton:Yeah.

11:15Maria McErlane:Wherever you may be, let your wind go free. As my dad used to say when I brought a new boyfriend home and listened from the loo. As we were getting down and dirty.

11:32Graham Norton:But, you know, that's why they're funny. I remember a friend of mine, he had a very posh aunt. She was terribly grand. And she was entertaining other grand ladies. in the drawing room. I think they were playing Gin Rummy or something like that. And there was this god-awful smell. And she decided to blame the dog. And she went, you know, Fifi, bad Fifi, bad Fifi. And she walked over and opened the door and Fifi walked in.

12:01Maria McErlane:Aha! Very good, very good. I mean, own it. This is the thing. We must own these foibles. It's so British.

12:08Graham Norton:Well, particularly in a partnership. I think, you know, if you're in company, it's different. No one wants to be the, you know, the toxic warrior. No, no. But if you're in a partnership, you know.

12:19Maria McErlane:And also, he goes crimson. Presumably that's because you pointed out. You point out and say, did you just fart?

12:27Graham Norton:Well, no, it's going to be an audible one. It's going to be an audible one that you can't pretend didn't happen.

12:31Maria McErlane:Yeah. But then you just say, excuse me, like you would if you burped. Do pardon me. Oh, excuse I. Excuse me, Lady Bracknell. I appear to have farted on Algernon.

12:43Graham Norton:As a pot plant is dying behind you. Ooh. Sandwiches are curling up.

12:52Maria McErlane:Must be that chili con corny I had for breakfast. Shall we see what the wangers say? Yeah, yeah. I can't imagine what they're going to make of this. Because it feels like it's, you know, the 1900s that we're living in when people write letters like that.

13:04Graham Norton:Well, but it is. I do think, you know, I understand that Lucinda has an issue with this, but ultimately it's a choice.

13:13Maria McErlane:Yeah.

13:13Graham Norton:Do you love farting more than him?

13:15Maria McErlane:I think it's more that the husband has an issue. But anyway, Heidi in Atlantic Canada says, Dear Fartless, after 27 years of marriage, my husband, without fail, the moment he leaps from bed, greets the morning with a single jovial and boisterous toot from his bare bottom as he makes his way to the en suite. It's a lovely image there, Grey, isn't it?

13:35Graham Norton:It's lovely. A lovely toot. Oh, Canada.

13:38Maria McErlane:For some reason, I still find it hilarious and stifle a giggle into my pillow because I don't want him to be self-conscious. Perhaps you could have a playful discussion the next time a fart escapes and reassure him that even the Queen has farted and so should he. Barring that, maybe you could designate a safe space in your home known as the farting closet, otherwise known as the bathroom, and jokingly excuse yourself saying, won't be long, I must use the FC. Yeah, you lost me there slightly, Heidi, but there you are. Some good advice at the beginning.

14:10Graham Norton:But also, I like the size of houses in Canada. He's farting on the way to the en suite. There's a separate wing for farts. Yeah, farting closet.

14:19Maria McErlane:Kirstie in Malton, North Yorkshire, says, why not try some DIY exposure therapy? Arm yourself with a whoopee cushion, some farting putty, what? A multi-pack of baked beans and some nice air freshener. Throw in some diet drinks and you could start off burping together and progress from there bit by bit. Establish a safe word, and I guess once you've achieved a Dutch oven without him gagging or having a panic attack, your job is done. Print off a certificate to frame and hang over the bed. The couple that farts together stays together.

14:52Graham Norton:Oh, Kirsty.

14:53Maria McErlane:Yeah, really.

14:53Graham Norton:There's a lot of words.

14:54Maria McErlane:I felt if that was the red chair after about one sentence out of...

14:58Graham Norton:I certainly wasn't going to get as far as print a certificate.

15:02Maria McErlane:Some people have too much time on their hands. A farty certificate. Christine, I've been with my husband for 20 years and we've always had an unspoken rule. We never pass wind in front of each other. But at night, when we're asleep, all bets are off. If I'm ever in dire need during the day, I'll just head into the kitchen and make a bit of noise to cover it up. It might sound funny, but this little system has worked perfectly for us over the years.

15:26Graham Norton:Well, there you go. Christine has the same issue, but... But she's found a way round it. Yes, she's decided to live with it.

15:34Maria McErlane:Joe in San Diego in California says, I'm assuming they don't have children, because if they did, yeah, there is no way on earth a kid is not going to fart at the drop of a hat. What the writer needs to understand is that bodily functions become much less predictable, as when ages were. And her partner's phobia about passing gas doesn't bode well for when they're older and one or the other needs care or help. She needs to sit him down, talk the whole thing through, and let him know he can't go on this way.

16:05Graham Norton:It is true. Older people and farting are hilarious, particularly because they're a bit deaf as well, so they don't know. They can probably feel it happening.

16:14Maria McErlane:There's so much to look forward to about getting old, isn't there?

16:17Graham Norton:Well, I'd say that is one of the things to look forward to. Is it? Walking down the street, letting rip.

16:25Graham Norton:Lucinda, thank you so much for sharing your gassy dilemma with us. And good luck. Let's go with good luck.

16:31Maria McErlane:Good luck is good, yeah. Let it out, Lucinda.

16:34Graham Norton:And listen, it's that kind of hard-hitting problem we welcome here on the podcast. If you'd like Maria and I to provide you with some non-expert advice, just email wangingon at listen.co.uk. Our inbox is waiting for you. We shall grapple with another dilemma momentarily.

16:52Maria McErlane:This episode of Wanging On is brought to you by Drambui.

16:55Graham Norton:Which means we get to answer a special bonus dilemma from our wangers. Maria is poised with an envelope. Mm-hmm, just like that. She has the notelet in her hand. I do.

17:05Maria McErlane:Here we go, Graham. Pay attention. Dear Graham and Maria, I love a good party. Drink, a chat, a bit of a laugh, but I cannot stand organised fun. Unfortunately, we have some friends who insist on turning every get-together into a marathon of games, quizzes, and hilarious activities. I see your face. We've just received an invitation to a murder mystery party. Oh, my gosh. Which, for me, is the absolute definition of hell. I don't want to spend three hours pretending to be Lady Plumtree of the manor. No, when all I really want to do is sit in a drink with my hand and catch up. Is there any polite way of asking if we can just come along for the socializing without the games?

17:44Maria McErlane:Or should I just keep dodging their invitations until they get the hint? And that is yours, Ami. Ami, I'm so with you and I think you are as well. Because I think it's people who organize games are people who are frightened of silence or something or frightened of chit-chat, frightened that something, you know, might turn political and they wouldn't be able to keep a lid on things. It's a sort of controlling element. And also, we're too old to be told to have fun. I would say to you, Ami, you know, if the invitation says 8 till 11, go along at 10. Yeah. Then all the Mrs Plumtree, Major Plumtree, Vicar from Dibley or wherever, will have been done and you can just have a drink and a chat.

18:27Graham Norton:Or volunteer to be the corpse. Want it to be bigger hops? Yeah, I'll do that. Fine. Kill me now, is what I'm saying.

18:36Maria McErlane:It's so hard because you don't want to upset people, but I think you say we've double booked. There's some reasons, double booked, but we'll come later.

18:44Graham Norton:See, my thing about it is, I understand why people do things like a murder mystery weekend or they do escape rooms or activity-based fun, because it's for people you don't know very well. It's like for works outing where no one really wants to be together. But if we do this, we might have a laugh and we don't have to talk to each other really.

19:04Maria McErlane:That's kind of team building exercise, isn't it? But if you're having friends around, presumably your friends know each other. They don't need a team building exercise. They don't need to be told how to have fun. People, you know, if you want to have fun, it's your responsibility to have fun.

19:20Graham Norton:I feel sometimes like sometimes at a wedding games can work. Well, no, they can because it's a lot of people who don't really know each other very well. So it's a way to get everyone kind of talking. Because people tend to stick to their table or stick to who they came with.

19:33Maria McErlane:I think the way to do that at a wedding is have a very short wedding. People have such long weddings now. Don't you think? Did you just go on forever and ever? Don't mind me. Yes, your wedding went on for a weekend. But that was good because we stuck in our groups and we never mingled. No, you've said it now. Now, yours was...

19:53Graham Norton:Well, you won't be invited to my next. Yeah, yeah.

19:55Maria McErlane:Well, I think your husband agrees with me that long weddings and weddings of a long way away where you're expected to travel and then be there forever. Yeah.

20:05Graham Norton:I know we had our way as well. Yeah, yeah.

20:08Maria McErlane:You know, it was great. But I think he even said that in the speech.

20:11Graham Norton:So, Ami, I would say, don't go. Just say no. Just say no. You don't have to, you know, just say we're busy that day, whatever. And also, maybe just find some better friends. Or like, when you're at these things, are you sitting there with your drink, kind of just bitching about your friends, going, dear God, why do they insist we do this? Because presumably, other people at these events are thinking, I'd like to just sit with my drink, chat, you know, catch up about things.

20:42Maria McErlane:But you're right, the people that don't socialize well are the ones who are kind of falling on these activities. is thinking, good, I don't have to tell people about my lonely life.

20:51Graham Norton:And also it's a release in a way, because I think if you work in an environment where you have to be very straight-laced and contained, then, oh, look at me. Yeah, look at me, I'm wearing a feather hat and I'm pretending to be, you know, Lord, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and they're kind of, they love the embarrassment of it and everything. I mean, it's a different sort of...

21:12Maria McErlane:Those kind of fancy dress parties where people arrive going, oh I know and everyone's going oh look at him look at Tom Tom look at him have you seen his legs that I mean that makes me want to cry

21:29Graham Norton:well Ami has really tapped into something here

21:32Maria McErlane:for both of us I believe

21:33Graham Norton:for both of us yeah Ami those are our thoughts but if you do decide to join in why don't you surprise the rest of the party with a bottle of dram buoy

21:42Maria McErlane:it's the perfect a compliment for every party, especially the way it's prepared here, which is a Drambui iced espresso.

21:50Graham Norton:They say this puts the ooh in Drambui.

21:52Maria McErlane:Ah, no. Ooh.

21:54Graham Norton:Yes, I say an ooh, that's lovely.

21:56Maria McErlane:Shall we toast to another dilemma solve?

21:59Graham Norton:We should. There you go. Cheers. Drambui iced espresso, the unexpected crowd pleaser.

22:05Maria McErlane:Please enjoy and share Drambui responsibly. Visit drinkaware.co.uk for more information.

22:12Graham Norton:The moment has ended. Maria, Maria, the people would like to hear another letter.

22:16Maria McErlane:I'm so sorry. And a cough. I had to cough. It's been building for some time. Much like a fart. Yeah, let it out. Dear Graham and Maria, earlier this year, my brother informed me via text message that he and his wife are now in a throuple. They've been married for many years. And while it feels a bit out of the blue, I love my brother and want to be supportive. The text message wasn't the ideal way to have such a significant conversation. But ultimately, I said I was happy for him. A few months ago, they visited us with my niece, leaving their new partner at home. We were having a lovely time until my sister-in-law started an argument.

22:56Maria McErlane:She was upset that I hadn't invited their new partner for the weekend. We hadn't met the new partner, so I explained that meeting in such an intense setting would be a bit much, and I'd prefer a more relaxed and neutral environment for an introduction. This was not acceptable to her. She became drunk and unpleasant. The next day when they were sober enough to drive, I gently asked them to leave rather than continuing to play happy families, as my sister-in-law showed no remorse for her behaviour. That was months ago now. I've tried calling my brother to talk, but he said he'd call when he's ready.

23:34Maria McErlane:As more time passes, I can't help but wonder if I might be better off without them and their drama. However, I do love my brother deeply and still just want him to be happy. Is there anything you think I can do in this situation? If you take the throuple out of this equation, it's just basically a family having a row, isn't it? You know, having a row and then somebody gets drunk and then someone gets told to leave and then it all gets a bit ugly. I think the introduction of the throuple is kind of complicated because obviously you should know more about this. I mean, you don't say whether the third wheel in this relationship is a man or a woman.

24:15Maria McErlane:Don't know. No? Do you care? No. But clearly this is something that they're dealing with and I don't think it's your issue. I would just say I've known a few throuples. I've never been in one, but I've known a few throuples in my time. And I have never seen one that works.

24:33Graham Norton:Yes, they rarely last the long, I mean, they last for a long time. Yeah, yeah, it can do. But eventually something happens because it's hard to keep three people.

24:40Maria McErlane:Yeah, and that whole saying, two's come to three, three's a crowd, is somebody's always going to feel a bit left out.

24:45Graham Norton:I think there's a few things going on here. I think you're being irked that the news came via text message, makes me laugh. like there's some sort of etiquette.

24:54Maria McErlane:For introducing a throuple? Yes.

24:57Graham Norton:You should have said, you should have really written to us. Or, you know, like, what's that about?

25:01Maria McErlane:It's quite a lot to introduce. You know, and the niece was there. So, you know, do you want the niece to, we don't know how old the niece is, to hear all about this throuple stuff? I don't know. But then the other thing I think happens is

25:13Graham Norton:that people in a throuple are looking for a reaction because it's quite a provocative thing to do, to go public with your throupledom. And it's like you want people to disapprove or they want you to react. It's a reaction, yes. They don't want you to just sit there and go, oh yeah, that's the one thing they don't want. So it's like the sister-in-law came looking for trouble because why didn't they kind of go, oh, is it okay if we bring our third? Because it's the first time they'd been over. It was up to them to kind of go, oh, don't worry, we won't need an extra bedroom. anything but uh there'll be three of us okay and then you either go no or you go all right then i would have gone all right then because it's your life do what you like yeah uh you know and

26:00Maria McErlane:there's no extra laundry you're right there is something prurient about this whole thing of being three people in a relationship and the last throuple that i knew of being in a throuple was the most interesting thing about any of them and I think that's often the case so I think you know it is what you say that it makes people seem like they're all hip or interesting or whatever

26:25Graham Norton:yes so they're very open minded and moderate

26:28Maria McErlane:I feel this will resolve itself and it probably will resolve itself sooner rather than later when the third wheel in this relationship is ejected or runs out of steam or I don't know if throuples ever last really long term. Especially now you've got children. You know, they've got children.

26:47Graham Norton:But I think the third wheel, even if the third wheel falls off, that relationship is damaged, possibly beyond repair.

26:55Maria McErlane:I think it was already damaged before they arrived.

26:56Graham Norton:Yes, I think so too because they came looking for trouble. And drink. Drunk and unpleasant, yes. But also, I like that she gently asked them to leave. Yeah. I don't think you can gently ask people to leave your house.

27:09Maria McErlane:How are you feeling? Not too hungover? No, we're fine. Well, can I just suggest that you get your things and feck off.

27:16Graham Norton:Yes, traffic gets very heavy around about half nine in the morning. So you better leave now. Yes, I feel for the brother because I think the brother is kind of between a rock and a hard place. Well, he's just stupid. Well, he's between two things anyway. Rock and a soft place. We don't know, we don't know. But I do think that, you know, I think you could work with your brother and, you know, maybe write him a letter or something and just say, look, this is what happened. I didn't know you were that serious about your throuple. You only sent me a text message about it. You know, if you'd wanted me to invite the stupid throuple person, you should have said.

27:57Graham Norton:And I would have been quite happy to some random stranger walking around my house in their pants. But you didn't do that. And so I didn't invite them. and you're married to a cow.

28:08Maria McErlane:Or you could be a bigger person and just say, sorry about last time, I wondered if you and your wife and your third person would like to come over for dinner. You're the bigger person and you're telling them that you're not judging them and then they can decide what to do. I mean, she might be feeling a bit sort of...

28:27Graham Norton:But no remorse. The next day, no remorse. No remorse. Before she was gently asked to leave.

28:31Maria McErlane:Yeah. Shall we see what the wangers say? Ooh, let's.

28:33Graham Norton:Here we go.

28:33Maria McErlane:Michelle on the Wirral says, I think you should treat this as any other family dispute. Your sister-in-law was... Yeah, I did say that. Your sister-in-law was rude and aggressive after a drink and you are well within your rights to argue your reasons for not inviting their other partner. However, asking them to leave may have been a bit rash, particularly as the niece was there too. If you want to maintain a relationship with your brother, then perhaps you should write him a letter explaining your feelings and apologise for asking them to leave. then the path is left open for him to make the next move.

29:05Maria McErlane:I think that's good advice, Michelle.

29:07Graham Norton:Felicity has been in touch with a voice note.

29:10Maria McErlane:Oh, we like Felicity. By not inviting their new partner to your weekend

29:14Graham Norton:it probably feels to your brother and sister-in-law as if you haven't actually accepted their new relationship. So if you want to move forward, maybe apologise and arrange a meet-up in a more neutral location and get to know their new relationship together. I mean, I don't know what you've got to apologise for. I don't think you need to apologise. It was up to them to say, oh, by the way, is it okay if I bring? Because this is brand new. So, you know, if somebody sends you a message like, oh, I'm dating someone now, then the next time you invite them to something, it's kind of up to them to kind of go, oh, is it okay if I bring my new girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever?

29:49Graham Norton:So we're adding that on to another couple. So I feel like they should have said something.

29:55Maria McErlane:Yeah, I don't think you need to apologize. And it is a bit like saying, you didn't acknowledge that we were doing something exciting and new. and it's a bit childish to expect you to just say, oh, and bring person with you. Buster says, yawn, yawn, yawn. They've obviously had problems in their marriage, hence bringing in a third party. I think your brother and his wife could be embarrassed by this, which is why they're getting tetchy about it. Let them get on with their crisis, especially if she's aggressive. How dare she attack you in your home? Just text your brother to say you love him and are always there for him.

30:30Maria McErlane:I mean, I think that's nice. And I don't know if it necessarily means they're having problems in their marriage. I'm trying not to be judgy. But it might just mean that they wanted to try something new. They wanted to spice things up, be exciting.

30:42Graham Norton:I think they've just been watching Channel 5 too much.

30:46Maria McErlane:What program on Channel 5? Is there a throuple program on Channel 5? Probably.

30:50Graham Norton:Certainly Channel 4. There must be a throuple one on Channel 4. Actually, if you want to see your brother, just keep watching Channel 4.

30:55Maria McErlane:Oh, you think he'll appear on it finally?

30:57Graham Norton:He'll show up.

30:58Maria McErlane:Truples that have failed. Marcus in Greenwich says, Oh God, your sister-in-law sounds awful. How were you to know you were supposed to invite this so-called third partner? I'd say be patient and with any luck they'll all split up and you'll never have to see her again.

31:13Graham Norton:I think that's probably the truth. I don't think you'll have to see the sister-in-law very much because I think that is on the outs.

31:20Maria McErlane:It's a shame though because she's got nieces and she probably likes the nieces.

31:24Graham Norton:Sorry to hear things are so tense. Hopefully it all gets resolved. And now, as is tradition on wanging on, we end proceedings with a submission for Am I Weird? Maria, let's hear this one.

31:36Maria McErlane:Yeah. Today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Jonathan Down Under in Sydney. Hi, yes. Hi, Graham and Maria. Big fan! Exclamation mark. Should we just leave it there?

31:46Graham Norton:Oh, it's nice. Yes, you are weird.

31:50Maria McErlane:Now, Am I Weird? I love watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos so much that I find myself salivating. oddly though and counter to this i cannot watch anyone brushing their teeth spitting or any other oral or dental routine without gagging well jing yang jonathan i mean you're not alone in finding dr pimple popper videos so compelling that is a massive hit on youtube but i find slightly i have watched a few it's the same thing isn't it? It's just a question of how much something you're getting out of a small area that pops. Yeah. And some are really disgusting and some are just kind of like, you know, blackheads or something.

32:36Maria McErlane:So I don't think you're weird in that. And I don't think you're weird that you can't stand the brushing of teeth.

32:42Graham Norton:How often do you have to watch people brushing their teeth?

32:45Maria McErlane:Yeah, exactly. It seems... I think it's his partner. Jonathan's partner is really giving him the ick brushing his teeth or spitting.

32:53Graham Norton:I mean, I hate seeing people spit. Like people who spit in the street. It makes me kind of heave slightly.

32:59Maria McErlane:Yeah, that's a horrible thing to do.

33:01Graham Norton:Yeah, it is. Really vile. People do that. And also, yes, if I turned on the television and there was a close-up of someone having an oral exam, I wouldn't enjoy it. I wouldn't go, oh, great, this is on again.

33:13Maria McErlane:No, but you know in dramas now, in the olden days, nobody used to do, A, go to the toilet or eating or brushing their teeth. And now you watch every other film and somebody's, you know, having a discussion with their husband in some Ralph Lauren pyjamas. I've gone, yeah, but honey, I really think if we take her to camp, you know, that, everyone's brushing their teeth in that. But you rarely, if ever, see them go into the thing. Yeah, they rarely spit. They don't spit. That is true. So obviously there is a sort of censorious thing about spitting.

33:43Graham Norton:It's funny they haven't combined our love of pimple popping into dramas. A couple's chatting while the wife pops horrible big pimples on somebody's back.

33:57Maria McErlane:I mean, oof.

33:59Graham Norton:Yeah.

33:59Maria McErlane:The pimple popping is making me feel a bit icky.

34:02Graham Norton:Yes. Here's the thing. Here is the thing, Jonathan, Danonder and Sydney. I would say you're not weird, but you should be. What, for watching pimples? Yeah, this should be weird behaviour. But it's not. You're right. It's very, very common, I would say. Yeah.

34:17Maria McErlane:I think there's a lot of other weird behaviour we should be more worried about first.

34:21Graham Norton:Yeah, I'm certainly not worried about Jonathan.

34:23Maria McErlane:No, or the pimple popping.

34:24Graham Norton:No, it's all good.

34:26Maria McErlane:Yeah, don't ever worry about popping pimples.

34:28Graham Norton:No, better out than in. Except you're not supposed to pop pimples, are you?

34:31Maria McErlane:I don't know.

34:32Graham Norton:Because I think they might leave scars on your beautiful face.

34:35Maria McErlane:You're not meant to go swimming two hours until you've had a meal two hours before.

34:39Graham Norton:No, no, that's been proven as rubbish, I think.

34:41Maria McErlane:Has it?

34:42Graham Norton:Yeah, I think that is rubbish. That is something that I don't know why we were ever told that as children. but I think it's rubbish.

34:48Maria McErlane:And you weren't allowed to go swimming on your period when I was at school.

34:51Graham Norton:Well, sharks.

34:54Maria McErlane:There were so many sharks in our municipal pool. I can't tell you. It was awash with them. I know.

35:01Graham Norton:Spielberg nearly chose your school pool for the setting for Jaws.

35:05Maria McErlane:The Fletchley indoor swimming pool.

35:07Graham Norton:Yeah. I mean, he went with Amity but he could have easily gone for that.

35:11Maria McErlane:I like that your first thing was sharks. Well, yeah, no, I see it. I didn't know why at the time, but then I was only swimming in a pool.

35:19Graham Norton:Yes. And I hadn't heard of sharks. They were educating you for the wider world. Because it might have been safe there. But once you left the confines of your pool.

35:28Maria McErlane:They were looking at the bigger picture, you're right. They really were.

35:30Graham Norton:One day, she might be in the Pacific. One day, she might be down under visiting her good friend Jonathan. Yeah. And in a break from pimple popping, she went swimming. That is it for this week's wanging on. Maria, any parting words?

35:45Maria McErlane:Please hit the subscribe or follow button on your podcast app of choice so that you never miss an episode of Wanging On. New episodes drop every Monday.

35:55Graham Norton:True that. And you can contact the show at wangingon at listen.co.uk.

36:00Maria McErlane:Or on social media. We're on Facebook, TikTok and Instagram. And our Instagram has a link to proper support services if you need those. Our handle is at wangingon.

36:09Graham Norton:Wanging On with Graeme and Maria is a Listen production. We'll see you next week.

36:13Maria McErlane:Goodbye. Goodbye.

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