To Tattoo? Or Not To Tattoo? Graham and Maria consider...

3:09Graham Norton:It was an accident waiting to happen. They didn't know me, really.

3:11Maria McErlane:I did that thing once when I'd done something and spilled some on the chair, on the cushion. And I thought, nobody will ever know. And I turned the cushion over and there was another big splotch on the other side. It had already been done.

3:25Graham Norton:No, I must say, I am looking forward to party season. I like it. You know, because there is that weird thing where, you know, you dread a party. You get invited. You get invited and you're excited. You've got to go, oh, yes, go. It'll be good. And then the day arrives. And you're like, oh, I don't want to go. But then you get there and they're usually fun.

3:44Maria McErlane:Yeah, this is true. But I do quite like to have an exit strategy.

3:49Graham Norton:The Irish exit.

3:50Maria McErlane:Yeah, the Irish or the soft exit.

3:51Graham Norton:Yes.

3:52Maria McErlane:I mean, they used to call it a French exit as well. French, Irish, I don't know, but a soft exit. So you don't actually say to the people, hello, I'm leaving, goodbye.

4:00Graham Norton:It takes forever. It takes forever to do that.

4:02Maria McErlane:And also, if anybody else sees someone leaving, it means that they go, oh, is that the time maybe we should leave too?

4:08Graham Norton:The spell has been broken.

4:10Maria McErlane:This has been broken because that's the power I feel I have. Yes. That I can make a party die just by leaving.

4:16Graham Norton:Once they notice you're not there, they're like, why are we here? What's the point? What's the point? It's the point of life. The good times have left. Let's not do it.

4:26Maria McErlane:I like an Irish exit or a soft exit or a French exit. But do you know what? Our sponsor, Drambui, is known as the unexpected crowd pleaser. What sort of unexpected things will we see in your party?

4:40Graham Norton:An unexpected crowd pleaser. I mean, I think often at parties, there are things that you don't think you'll enjoy. Such as? Certainly live music gives me the ick. Because, you know, because you kind of think, oh, I can't talk while that's going on.

4:58Maria McErlane:Well, the tribute band to Robbie Williams is in. Yes.

5:01Graham Norton:You know, whereas if it's a CD, you kind of think, I can chat on now. But then, here's the thing, the unexpected bit is I often really, really enjoy the live music there. And also I think dancing to live music is great. It is different than dancing to CDs and stuff.

5:16Maria McErlane:Yeah, because I think the band pick up on that energy too and it makes them kind of, you know.

5:21Graham Norton:Yeah, they're all in the groove.

5:23Maria McErlane:But unexpected. I quite like it when, you know, the groom and the, I've been to a wedding where the groom and the groom both had rehearsed a dance. Yeah, that was kind of hot making. But ultimately, I suppose, quite sweet.

5:40Graham Norton:Yes, I was at a wedding once when one of the grooms, who wasn't a singer, decided to serenade the thing, but with a slightly dicky mic where there was a short in the wire.

5:55Maria McErlane:That would have given me so much joy to have witnessed that.

6:00Graham Norton:I did nearly wet myself. It was very, very funny.

6:02Maria McErlane:And were they a wet... I had to be aware. But it was,

6:06Graham Norton:I'm sure there was some sort of wedding planner running around trying to fix it. It was like, you can't fix it. It's the mic. It's not that end. It's that end. Yeah.

6:16Maria McErlane:Rehearsals, guys. Always have a rehearsal. Yes. We know because we've been in showbiz.

6:21Graham Norton:Oh, showbiz. That's a long time. Well, please stick around. Maria and I will have a problem very shortly.

6:32Graham Norton:Maria, the time has come. a dilemma if you please.

6:35Maria McErlane:Yes, Graham. I will open my envelope forthwith. Dear Graham and Maria, me and my BF went to our friend's party a few weeks ago with two other couples and we all had a lovely time. However, in amongst this big group chat, he expressed a desire to get a tattoo. He's never mentioned it before. He hasn't mentioned it since. And in fact, he didn't really say it to me that night. I was just in earshot. Neither of us have tattoos and I can't bear them. I just think they're such a turn off. We've been together for 18 months and I assumed we were on the same page about this. I feel like I just need to ask you and the wangers this question for my sanity.

7:16Maria McErlane:Am I allowed to ask my boyfriend not to get a tattoo? And that is from Jasmine. How long have you been with your boyfriend? 18 months. Oh, 18 months. She said that and I said it out loud. Yeah. See how much I take notice of what I'm reading.

7:33Graham Norton:Letter, letter, problem, problem.

7:37Maria McErlane:Solve it, solve it. Goodbye, Graham.

7:41Graham Norton:Okay, I think what you are allowed to ask your boyfriend is, are you getting a tattoo? Yeah. I think asking him not to get one is kind of controlling and it's just that will make him, right, I'll show you. And suddenly he'll have a full face tattoo, of a spider web. And a teardrop. Oh, yes. I've killed people. I have a teardrop. Yeah, and peace around his neck.

8:06Maria McErlane:It's very good for the wattle that comes later in life.

8:08Graham Norton:It really is. Anyway, I think you're allowed to say, do you want a tattoo? And then discuss, because, you know, not all tattoos are created equal. You know, when she says, oh, I hate tattoos, yeah, some tattoos you're allowed to absolutely hate. You know, if you don't like a full sleeve and you don't want to kind of, you know, a raven flying, back to the Tower of London on his back.

8:30Maria McErlane:You've thought this through, haven't you?

8:31Graham Norton:Well, you haven't seen me in some time, shirtless. I'm looking forward to that. I remember once I was dating this guy. Well, it was one of those, it seemed really romantic, right? Because we'd met in a club or something. And then I can't remember, we got separated, whatever. And then, you know, you'd think you'd know more about it. But then I remember I saw him on the tube once and the doors were just closing. and he was in the carriage and I was on the thing. Off he went and we recognized each other. Sliding doors moment. Sliding doors moment. And this was before mobile phones or anything. So then we did meet again and it felt like, you know, the fates had brought us back together again and it seemed meaningful.

9:14Graham Norton:So we had a very kind of intense week. So keen was I, on our first Friday together, I brought him to a party, right? And he revealed at the party that on the Monday he was going to have a tattoo done, right? Yeah. And I'm thinking, well, that's odd he didn't mention. You know, because we've been together all week. I thought that might have come up, that on Monday he's getting a tattoo done. And, you know, well, that's odd. And then somebody said, what are you having? Not your name. No, it was worse than that. On his bum, he was going to get a tattoo of Winnie the Pooh holding a balloon. we never saw each other again.

9:59Graham Norton:Is he dead now? Well, no, he's not. He's not. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. My friend Darren then bumped into him. And asked to see it. No, no, years later. This was years later. Like literally about 10 years later. So the balloon has shriveled by now. Oh, no. So Darren said, oh my God, I remember you from that party. Did you ever get that tattoo? And he went, oh. And he went, yeah, they started to do it, but it was so painful I made them stop. So all he has on his bum is the outline of a balloon. It looks like he's got permanent ringworm.

10:35Maria McErlane:Is it a red balloon as well? I hope so, I really hope so.

10:39Graham Norton:So Jasmine, I'm really relating to your problem. Yeah. So I think that the key thing is what is the tattoo and where is it? And also I'm confused, Jasmine, because he hasn't said it to you. You overheard him. You might have just been trying to make conversation with someone. Who's got lots of tattoos. Oh, I'm interested in tattoos. But he's not really. So I think Jasmine...

10:59Maria McErlane:What about if she says to him, you're not going to get a tattoo, are you, darling? Because I'd have to dump you then. No, but if you say that after a sexy time when he's all in that kind of lovely glow, then he'll go, no, of course not.

11:12Graham Norton:And then he will.

11:12Maria McErlane:Would you hate me if I did? Would he say that? Would you mind if I did?

11:17Graham Norton:But then she'll be in sexy glow time and she'll go, no, I don't mind.

11:21Maria McErlane:And then he'll get a tattoo. And I don't know why you've written to us.

11:25Graham Norton:Look, the thing is, Jasmine, if he wants a tattoo, you cannot stop him. Because it's totally about him. It's about his body and what he wants on it. You might just see a bit of it, but not that much, presumably. Unless it is, you know, some weird tattoo, in which case it is a double-balled fence.

11:45Maria McErlane:Have you ever thought you might get a tattoo?

11:47Graham Norton:I thought I'd get one when I was about, like, 85. Well, I just think if you get one before that, the chances of getting bored of it are quite high.

11:56Maria McErlane:And also your skin will go no further south, really, at 85, will it?

12:00Graham Norton:Oh, yes. I could do something lovely. Like I could do a bit of...

12:04Maria McErlane:You could have a full shopping bag in your tummy area.

12:06Graham Norton:Or sand where the tide's gone out.

12:11Maria McErlane:It's funny how people think, you know, I mean, it's body art and I really, some of it is so beautiful, but it's never really appealed. No.

12:18Graham Norton:It's odd because you've tried most things. I'm really surprised you don't have a tattoo.

12:21Maria McErlane:Are you? Yeah.

12:22Graham Norton:Because you seem like the sort of person who, when you were like 21, would go, yeah. Go on.

12:28Maria McErlane:I did that. Duncan, they had a belly button tattoo. Oh, really? Yeah. A belly button tattoo? No, no, sorry. I did that. I had a belly button piercing.

12:36Graham Norton:Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

12:38Maria McErlane:And then when I had to have my appendix out, it had to, it ripped a hole. Oh, no.

12:44Graham Norton:What, did they take your appendix out through your belly button piercing? Yeah. Yeah.

12:48Maria McErlane:Where I had the piercing, they went in with some tweezers and the piercing was, but they ripped it all. And so, and I keep thinking, shall I get it put back?

12:57Graham Norton:Yeah, Maria, get a belly button piercing again. Shall I? Come on, do. Hey, listen, I wonder what our wangers are going to make of this. What do they have to say?

13:06Maria McErlane:Kelly says, I can't stand tattoos. This is all in capitals. Wow. Very, very vehement about that. I know that every man, woman and their dog is wandering around these days with something scrawled across their arms, legs, faces and even fingers. But I just don't like them. All right, Kelly. So, I do understand your horror. And yes, you are absolutely allowed to state a preference, but you're not allowed to forbid it. If he does decide to go ahead, the question becomes whether that's a deal-breaker for you. If it is, better to know now before he strolls home with a full back tattoo of a wolf howling at the moon or Wayne Rooney with his mum.

13:40Graham Norton:Is Kelly old or newly kind of issuing a young conservative? because I feel like tattoos, you know, when we were kids, if you were to tattoo, you were a sailor or a former prisoner. That was the only people who had tattoos. Now, now, anyone can have tattoos. They're very, you know, people's attitudes are so different.

13:59Maria McErlane:Well, it's body art now, isn't it, really? It's a way of expression. Yeah. And it's also very addictive. David Beckham has said it's very addictive.

14:07Graham Norton:Really?

14:07Maria McErlane:But then Mark Wahlberg had to get them all taken off

14:10Graham Norton:and he makes his kids come with him for the laser thing. Yes. So they can see how painful and awful it is.

14:16Maria McErlane:People have said to me that actually taking them off is more painful than getting them put on.

14:23Graham Norton:Yeah, so Jasmine, say that to your boyfriend.

14:24Maria McErlane:So Jay says, I think you can most definitely ask him not to get a tattoo and explain that you find it a turn off. But at the end of the day, it is his body and if he wants to go ahead, there is not much you can do about it. Personally, I don't like tattoos, but I really wouldn't let one tattoo ruin a relationship. I like that.

14:42Graham Norton:Don't let one tattoo ruin the relationship. I'll pop that on a tea towel.

14:46Maria McErlane:Kate says, you're either a tattoo person or you're not. And for me, they're a big no-no. If he'd had one done when you met, it would be different. But this definitely needs discussing. I would just ask him what he meant at the dinner party and then just say, you love his skin as it is.

15:04Graham Norton:Oh, there's a bit of Silence of the Lambs going on there, isn't there? hanging in your closet Nicola says

15:10Maria McErlane:I totally share your dislike of tattoos we haven't got any people that are pro tattoos here where are the young people I don't know where are they

15:16Graham Norton:where are young listeners and viewers

15:19Maria McErlane:Nicola says I totally share your dislike of tattoos I too am really not a fan but the little things really aren't important in the grand scheme of things true if the relationship goes a distance in time believe me there will be a million other things that will annoy you more than his tattoo good For instance, I suggest listening to him eat. And then if you don't want to murder him during mealtimes, then he's definitely worth persevering with, even with a Tweety Bird or anchor on his bicep. Nicola sounds like she's been married a long time.

15:51Graham Norton:Yes. Yeah. She's been through it.

15:53Maria McErlane:It's Jackie and Eleanor say, maybe he was just saying it to be one of the gang. Ask him what his plans are, then you can decide. If this guy is special, do not throw it all away because of a tattoo. In the grand scheme of things, we all need a bit of yin and yang. Very wise, Jackie and Eleanor.

16:09Graham Norton:And of course, yin and yang tattoo, very popular.

16:11Maria McErlane:Taking Jackie and Eleanor, two of them to say that. Ying and yang.

16:16Graham Norton:Jasmine, whatever you decide to do, do let us know. And if he has the tattoo, send photos, please. Hey, this party's not done. Another dilemma's on the way. Maria, while you reach for that envelope, I might reach for some crudités. Do. These carrots are calorie free.

16:32Maria McErlane:I put it all out for you, Graeme. I'm very upset that you haven't been eating it. You've been chopping most of the morning, as you can see.

16:39Graham Norton:This carrot feels like it was chopped in about 1971. I think it came from prop storage. Is it actually a carrot? I believe it was.

16:52Maria McErlane:Would you like pepper instead? No! Anyway, dear Graeme and Maria, you're not going to like this, but I don't like dogs, really. I'm not going to go on, am I?

17:04Graham Norton:Ripping a letter up. No, keep going. Come on, we're open-minded.

17:06Maria McErlane:Yeah, Gail says, you're not going to like this, but I just don't like dogs. I'm allergic to them, but I can't explain to you just how much. I detest them. They make me feel physically sick when I see one, but there is nothing worse than saying to a dog lover, I hate your dog, because it's like their baby. My partner and I have been invited for Christmas dinner at his family's, and they have nine dogs. That's just stupid. The idea of someone cooking dinner... It's like she's manifested this. Yeah, really. The idea of someone cooking dinner, having nine dogs around their feet, and petting them as they are peeling the potatoes or making the stuffing, fills me with dread.

17:44Maria McErlane:How can I get out of going and not upsetting the family? They are lovely people and I don't want my partner to miss out. I wouldn't mind just him going if it meant I didn't have to go. And that is from Gail. Well, Gail, you've got the perfect excuse because you've said I'm allergic. Presumably.

18:00Graham Norton:Is she allergic? I feel like when she says, you know, in Ireland we have to think I'm pure allergic. And it just means I don't like it. Oh, okay. Yes. So I think maybe she's not actually, because if you're actually allergic, you can't go to a house that has nine dogs in it. So I think she just doesn't like dogs.

18:16Maria McErlane:I mean, presumably she's been to the house before. And I'm thinking that's why she knows they've got nine dogs. But that is the perfect excuse to say I'm allergic. But then when people say that to me about my dog, I'm allergic to dogs. I say, well, this is hypoallergenic.

18:30Graham Norton:And then they're really annoyed. And then they hate me. The weird thing is, and I was, I think, I find Gail's letter interesting because there is, I totally get why you wouldn't like dogs. You know, they slobber, they're a bit smelly. Well, nine of them.

18:46Maria McErlane:I think one you can keep correcting.

18:47Graham Norton:Their feet, the paddy paws are on the ground and then they're on you. I mean, there's a lot about dogs to disgust you and yet I adore them. Yeah, yeah. And so I totally get why Gail wouldn't like dogs. But I think because you have this kind of, you know, real antipathy to dogs, allergic or not, I think it's quite reasonable for your boyfriend to say to his parents, of course, I'll love to come to Christmas, but Gail, you know what she's like about dogs, so she doesn't want to come. And then Gail, you know that all Christmas Day, they'll talk about you, you know, very unreasonable. I can't believe she doesn't like dogs, blah, blah, blah.

19:22Graham Norton:And as long as you're all right with that, then that's fine. and then just, you know, get on with your dog-free life. It must be hard not liking dogs.

19:28Maria McErlane:She's going to be a bit lonely on Christmas Day, though. She should get a dog. Oh, no, she's not. I mean, nine dogs is, for somebody who doesn't like dogs, one you can kind of cope with. But they might also say, we know Gail doesn't like dogs and she's allergic to them. So we decided to put them in the barn or in the west wing or in the spare room.

19:48Graham Norton:And those dogs are in there plotting. Yeah, yeah. And the minute they get out...

19:52Maria McErlane:They're like the hounds of the basketball.

19:53Graham Norton:They will find Gail. Who doesn't like us? Who is it?

20:02Maria McErlane:Very good dog impressions. Humping Gail. Because I think sometimes you want someone to say, don't worry, I'll put the dog away. Have you ever put the dog away? You have actually put the dog away when guests are coming.

20:14Graham Norton:Well, when we had Madge, who was vicious. Killer. Killer Madge. We would put her behind glass. and children would go and look at her snarling. I miss her. I know. And before anyone comes back, she never got a tooth in anybody.

20:32Maria McErlane:No, she didn't. She just liked to snarl at people. She liked to kind of... No, she would have liked to bite them. She flexed her muscles quite a lot. So, yeah, this is difficult, but, you know, you're going to be on your own for Christmas and you can say to them, it's unreasonable to expect you to put the dogs away for one day of the year, so I can't come.

20:52Graham Norton:Isn't it weird that the son of this family has ended up with a woman who hates dogs? Because clearly he grew up almost like a puppy himself. I mean...

21:01Maria McErlane:He walks on all fours. She went on to say that.

21:05Graham Norton:The television party doesn't like dogs. She has to put paper down.

21:13Graham Norton:But isn't it odd that he grew up in this family where they clearly adore dogs, nine of them, And he's ended up with this woman who hates dogs. And on Christmas Day they'll say, you can't marry her.

21:24Maria McErlane:Yes. You can't marry her.

21:25Graham Norton:Well, because, yeah, I feel like that would have been a deal breaker early doors.

21:30Maria McErlane:Yeah. But no, no. But I think actually what the answer, Gail, to your dilemma is that you say, I can't expect you to put the dogs away, so I'm going to have to say no, but he'll come and I'll be alone.

21:44Graham Norton:Yeah, and they can buy her a jumper knitted from Dog's Wall as a lovely Christmas gift.

21:51Maria McErlane:I think they should do a funny thing when they put lots of chocolate in poo bags and then give it to her as a Christmas present.

21:56Graham Norton:She'll love that. No, that would be delightful. Hey, Wang Gang, have they got some advice for this? I'm sure they have.

22:03Maria McErlane:Donna says, if you're allergic or really uncomfortable around dogs, it's OK to skip the gathering. Be polite and honest, frame it around your health rather than your dislike. Support your partner if they want to go and keep your explanation brief and firm. There's no need to over-explain. Loving Donna.

22:19Graham Norton:You know, Donna's absolutely right because, you know, there's no reason why your partner can't go there for Christmas because it's his family, his dogs, so he's delighted to go. And, you know, you would prefer to be alone at home than with your partner and nine dogs. Yeah. So, yeah.

22:36Maria McErlane:I think that's good. No need to over-explain. Gin from Johannesburg.

22:40Graham Norton:I love Gin from Johannesburg.

22:41Maria McErlane:I adore you now. He says, who on earth is petting a dog while peeling potatoes and making stuffing? Despite what you may believe, people with dogs don't actually like consuming fur and slobber either. It feels like you may be overreacting here or that you just don't trust this family's hygiene in general.

22:58Graham Norton:Does Gin know anyone with a dog? Because there's a lot of hair and slobber in our food. There is.

23:03Maria McErlane:And I don't think everybody, you know, washes their hands after they pet their dog. No, who does that? No, no. Dianne. Dianne says, really sorry about this, but it's their house. Soothe their rules. This is your partner's family. Will you never visit them because of the dogs? This may be an issue for your partner. You need to discuss this with him. If you have no intention of ever going near your partner's family home because of the dogs, then perhaps you have the wrong partner.

23:29Graham Norton:It's tricky, isn't it? Because you do, when you meet someone, in the beginning it's just them. But if it is going to be a long-term relationship, it does kind of involve an extended family. and if some of that extended family has paws, like nine of them. Nine paws, no, nine times four. Four, yes, whatever that is. 36. Is it?

23:53Graham Norton:So I think it could well be a deal breaker. Do you know what? Let's find out what Yvonne has to say. Yeah.

24:00Maria McErlane:Hi, Graham and Maria. I don't think anybody should be expected to go to dinner with nine dogs. I don't even know why anyone would have nine dogs unless it's a team of huskies that you need to bring a sleight to get you to the shop

24:10Graham Norton:that's miles away. Nine dogs? No. Bad enough having to put up with your family. Say no, just say no. Wow. Do you think Gail is in fact dating Santa's son?

24:21Maria McErlane:Santa Junior, you mean. I like if I'm going, nine dogs? No. That's funny.

24:30Graham Norton:If they are a team of huskies, then at least they'll live outside.

24:33Maria McErlane:Yeah.

24:33Graham Norton:Yeah, but it will be quite chilly in the igloo.

24:37Maria McErlane:Gordon says, personally, I love dogs and always have done, but nine dogs, that's verging on madness. Utter madness and filth and paw marks and the smell of damp, nasty fur. Nobody can be reasonably expected to put up with that chaos and bedlam and smell. So tell your partner politely but firmly that you're not going to be staying in that house.

24:59Graham Norton:Fair enough. Do you know what? As Gordon describes all that, I'm thinking, well, that sounds lovely. the smell the damp fur the fur the paw prints everywhere it's gorgeous

25:10Maria McErlane:Jana says dogs aren't going anywhere they are part of modern day life get a therapist who works with phobias to see if they can help address the root cause otherwise you'll end up isolated from family and friends I don't know if therapists are needed here do you Graham?

25:25Graham Norton:well it might help because you know in the because there are so many because I was thinking when Gail was saying about how much she hates dogs I was thinking how do you leave the house because there are dogs everywhere. You can't move for dogs.

25:38Maria McErlane:Lockdown meant that the dog population kind of like tripled almost overnight. Wow. Everyone has dogs. But also, you can get through life without interacting with dogs. Dogs are generally on leads unless you like to sort of amble around the parks on your own looking like a nutter.

25:54Graham Norton:Yeah, and I always feel people walking without a dog look crazy. I said, what are you doing?

26:00Maria McErlane:Why are you out?

26:01Graham Norton:Where are you going?

26:03Maria McErlane:You're getting from what? A to B? No. But what are you going to pick up?

26:09Graham Norton:Well, Gail, wherever in the world you are, good luck with your problem and thanks for sharing with us. This party is nearly over, but there is time for an Am I Weird.

26:19Maria McErlane:This one is courtesy of Rebecca. Oh, yes. Dear Graeme and Maria, whenever I'm invited to a party, I can't help myself. I do a little research. By the time I walk through the door, I've Googled every other guest, scrolled through their LinkedIn and maybe even had a peek at their Instagram. I'd like to know who I'd be meeting and what we might talk about, hobbies, holidays, even what their dogs look like. It makes me feel prepared, but my partner says it's a bit creepy and that normal people don't arrive at parties armed with someone's CV and recent holiday snaps. Am I weird? Yes.

26:56Graham Norton:Really? See, I do this a bit.

26:59Maria McErlane:What? Yeah, I do like to... Like dinner parties. So if there's a party of sort of six, you want to know who's there. Yeah.

27:07Graham Norton:And also because if somebody tells you who's going, you kind of think, why are you telling me who's going? Like, because I would never ask who's going to be there.

27:14Maria McErlane:It's rude to ask who's going to be there.

27:16Graham Norton:So I would never ask who's going to be there. But if somebody tells you, I'm having a small dinner with you and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you think, am I supposed to know who blah, blah, blah, blah, blah are?

27:28Maria McErlane:Oh, and then you look them up.

27:29Graham Norton:I look them up. And then I find that, oh, yes, I used to date you. No, I don't.

27:33Maria McErlane:And then you say, I can't go. So if somebody says to you, yes, we're having dinner for four, sooty will be there and sweet. And then you go home and you Google. Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah.

27:43Graham Norton:And their dietary requirements, things like that.

27:45Maria McErlane:Yeah. I mean, that kind of takes the joy out of spontaneity and meeting people for the first time saying, oh, you know, I mean, I hate that question. What do you do? It's very lazy. But, you know, by Googling them, you say, So how is the world of finance?

27:58Graham Norton:No, no, I don't do that. So what do you do? I would never reveal that I Googled that.

28:01Maria McErlane:Oh, I see. So you still go through the motions of pretending you have no idea who they are.

28:06Graham Norton:No, but sometimes if it's like, you know, if it's someone like an author that you have never heard of or never read, you can go, oh, you just put your new books out. How's it going? I like it. That kind of thing. Then it is kind of useful. Yeah.

28:22Maria McErlane:And then they say to you, yes, I do have a new book out. can I come on your show and talk about it?

28:27Graham Norton:And I go, I'm so sorry, I'm not in charge of the bookings.

28:30Maria McErlane:And I've never heard of you. I had to actually Google you before I came in.

28:35Graham Norton:And even then it was slim pickings. One book, you say? Wikipedia? I don't think so.

28:43Maria McErlane:I think it's weird. Do you? I think if it's a big party, if she's Googling 20 people or upwards, then that is mad. But if it's a small gathering for dinner, and there's two people that you're finding out about. But I do still feel it takes the joy out of putting your size nines in your mouth, which you will undoubtedly do.

29:03Graham Norton:And also, I think one of the problems is because if you're invited via paperless post, you can see who else is going, which I think is a kind of a modern thing. Whereas before, you'd never know who was going to a party. You'd just rock up and there they are. And whoever they are, they are.

29:20Maria McErlane:Because seeing who's going to be there makes you kind of go, I don't think I'll go. I don't like any of those people. Whereas it might be pleasant. In fact, I can only just about open paperless posts, let alone see who's going.

29:34Graham Norton:The other reason why I would sometimes go is that thing of people who are just on the cusp of being famous or in my consciousness.

29:42Maria McErlane:Yeah.

29:43Graham Norton:Because you don't want to offend people. Because people do believe. Once people get a little bit famous, they think that everyone should know who they are. And they start talking. And I said to Robin, and you think, Robin who? I don't know what you're talking about. But they just assume you do know everything about their life. And, yeah, that way, a bit of research helps.

30:02Maria McErlane:I like that thing where you can go to somebody at a dinner party. So you're on the cusp of fame, is that right? Yeah.

30:10Graham Norton:Well, I get people coming up to me at things, kind of, you know, I don't watch television, so I don't know who you are.

30:15Maria McErlane:Why do people feel the need to say that? Yeah, you're f*** off.

30:19Graham Norton:F*** right off.

30:21Maria McErlane:Oh, that's clearly grinding your gears. Well, you just got to think, why bother crossing a room to tell me that? Because they want to make contact with you. I mean, it's the psychologist behind it is very easy. I know. Because they want to make difference. And I said to Graham, I went up to Graham Norton, and I said, I've no idea who you are. Who are you? I don't watch television.

30:41Graham Norton:He was furious. And then I hate myself because then I was forced to kill again.

30:48Graham Norton:and I really I promised myself

30:50Maria McErlane:you've got very good lawyers who cover it up

30:52Graham Norton:every time Graham so I I'm saying Rebecca not weird but you're saying I'm saying weird and that brings us to the end of this edition of Wanging On thanks to everyone who got in touch with the podcast and if you'd like to share a dilemma with us then email us it's wangingon at listen.co.uk

31:10Maria McErlane:please note we are not experts on anything at all and if you need genuine help with any of the problems we've discussed today, you should seek it out from the proper channels. There's a link to support services on our Instagram page. That's at wanging on.

31:24Graham Norton:And thank you very much to Drambui for sponsoring this episode.

31:27Maria McErlane:Remember, if you want to create some great memories that are a little unexpected this party season, try serving up one of those Drambui iced espressos. Cheers, Graham. Cheers, Maria.

31:39Graham Norton:Wanging on with Graham and Maria is a Listen production. We'll be right back.