Unwanted Nudes and Age-Gap Flings

5:22Maria McErlane:The more you try and stop me, the more I'm going to say it. The sort of yellow fizzy stuff. Do you ever get that with a dog?

5:28Graham Norton:That comes out of the mouth or the pee-pee? No, no, no. Where does it come out of? Mouth. Mouth?

5:32Maria McErlane:Yellow kind of fizzy sick.

5:33Graham Norton:Does your dog have rabies at all? Yeah.

5:34Maria McErlane:I looked it up and it can be if they haven't eaten enough and obviously as you know I'm keeping Raffi on a supermodel diet cigarettes and Coca-Cola Diet Coke obviously but also if they have too many fatty foods and I realised that Raffi had found his way into a bag of hula hoops

5:54Graham Norton:quite fatty and salty and is that that special artificial fat that gives people anal leakage

6:01Maria McErlane:oh does it?

6:02Graham Norton:Do you know this? Is it called a Lestra?

6:05Maria McErlane:But that's not fat. That's the sugar substitute that gives people anal leakage. Oh, okay. It's a great name for a band.

6:15Graham Norton:Yeah, I mean, you've got to feel for dogs because they can't tell you, oh, by the way, just so you know, I feel a bit sick or, you know.

6:24Maria McErlane:But also they don't care.

6:25Graham Norton:Yeah, they're animals.

6:26Maria McErlane:They don't care when they do a poo in the middle of the restaurant, which I've had a dog do that. Oh, really? Yeah, and I was with my sister and her husband, both of whom don't like dogs.

6:36Graham Norton:Did you blame them?

6:37Maria McErlane:And we were in a very pot restaurant and the dog just went off. And it wasn't just a poo that you could go. It was bad, you know.

6:44Graham Norton:Well, because the dog would only do it inside if it had to.

6:47Maria McErlane:Yeah.

6:47Graham Norton:How long have you been in that restaurant, Maria?

6:49Maria McErlane:Two years. No, that was a terrible thing. And I had to apologize to everybody else in the restaurant. Wow. I had to go around the table. I mean, I didn't mind because I would be furious if I was paying a lot of money for a lovely meal and a dog came sort of, you know, two minutes away from my table.

7:08Graham Norton:I remember I got caught once on a bus in Turkey where this was an ex-boyfriend. We were on a holiday in Turkey and we went out for dinner the night before and we ate exactly the same thing. And in the morning, he was just ashen and he was going, oh my God, I had an awful night, my stomach, da-da-da. I was thinking, idiot. You know, and also I was thinking that's so weird because we ate exactly the same thing at dinner. We had exactly the same thing.

7:34Maria McErlane:But you've got a constitution of iron.

7:36Graham Norton:Well, apparently not.

7:37Maria McErlane:Oh, what?

7:38Graham Norton:Because when we got to the bus station to go from wherever Izmir to Pamukkale.

7:45Maria McErlane:Oh, I've been there. I've done that journey.

7:48Graham Norton:With the stains on the bus. On the seat. It was awful. It was just awful.

7:55Maria McErlane:It's also when you have a really bad tummy, the smell is much more intense than just a regular toilet visit, isn't it?

8:03Graham Norton:I don't remember this. I just remember being in agony and sweating bullets and just hanging onto the seat in front, clenching everything.

8:11Maria McErlane:Oh, you didn't actually really?

8:12Graham Norton:Just going, I'm in bits, I'm in bits, I'm in bits. You didn't release? It's just awful, awful. There might have been a little bit of leakage.

8:19Maria McErlane:Anal leakage.

8:19Graham Norton:Who knew we'd say the word leakage so much today?

8:22Maria McErlane:I think it was inevitable, really.

8:23Graham Norton:given our age

8:26Maria McErlane:we've been dying to say it for years and now we can legitimately say leakage yes so we've covered sick and anal leakage I think we can start don't you

8:35Graham Norton:I believe we've done our best to put people off listening to the rest of the podcast do you think there's a graph of listeners that starts quite high and then just plummets

8:47Maria McErlane:I can only apologise but I use this as therapy so what can I say Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:52Graham Norton:Hey, another week, another bulging postbag. We will rip into some listeners' letters in an instant.

9:21Graham Norton:Follow through 4A. While supplies last, selection varies by location. Soil Offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. The UPS Store is making packing and shipping Easter gifts quicker than ever this year with UPS Air. How quick? Quicker than a walk around the park. Quicker than eating all the Easter candies. Quicker than finding a golden egg that you know is stuffed with cash. When you ship UPS Air at the UPS Store, your items arrive on time or your money back. Guaranteed at no extra cost. Exclusively at the UPS Store U.S. retail locations. Send Easter joy on time at the UPS store. Visit the upsstore.com slash air guarantee for full details.

9:57Graham Norton:Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks.

10:02Maria McErlane:Big news for your kids' lunchbox. Welch's Fruit Snacks are now made without any artificial dyes. A snack parents can feel good about and the same delicious taste kids can't get enough of. All made with no artificial dyes. Try Welch's Fruit Snacks today.

10:22Graham Norton:Right, let her want to go-go. Off you go, Maria.

10:24Maria McErlane:Here we go. Dear Graham and Maria, a friend and colleague who was previously married to a woman and has two teenagers has recently left his wife and come out as gay. Everyone is really pleased for him. However, he's now joined certain online groups, has been commenting on lots of men's photos and even uploading his own. He's completely oblivious that all of this is visible for his existing friends to see. It's all becoming a little bit awkward and it's getting tougher to look him in the eye, especially as we've seen almost every other part of him online. Should I say something? And that's from Chris.

10:59Maria McErlane:Chris, hold on. Rewind, rewind. Everybody is really pleased for him. Now you're monitoring him on certain groups. Why are you looking at those photographs? Because they show up. Yeah, but they show up on the Grindr list. No, no, no, no.

11:13Graham Norton:I don't think Chris is on Grindr. Chris is obviously on Instagram and Twitter or X, whatever.

11:19Maria McErlane:You don't put things, you know, you don't put Rudy bits on Instagram.

11:23Graham Norton:People do. You can get away with kind of bums and bits and, you know. You can't get away with front bottom. Oh, no. No, nobody wants to see that. No.

11:33Maria McErlane:Well, clearly some people do, but on specialist sites. Well, you go to X for that. Front bottom sites.

11:38Graham Norton:X and Twitter, you can do whatever you like on there. Can you? Oh, yes, front bottoms and go-go. You can't move for them.

11:44Maria McErlane:I mean, this is just a mixed message from Chris. He's very happy for this man, but then he's a bit... He's censorious of him.

11:51Graham Norton:No, I don't think this is a mixed message at all. I think, we're delighted for you, I don't want to see your cock.

11:56Maria McErlane:No, but we're not seeing his C-O-K-K. I think they are.

12:01Graham Norton:I think they are on Twitter and stuff. And look, here's the thing, Chris. I think just unfollow your friend. All you need to do is unfollow on everything. and then if he notices because he's clearly spending quite a lot of time online and says, yeah, Chris, do not follow me anymore. Chris just goes, well, no, I didn't. I stopped because actually I don't need to see that much of you. I like you as a friend. I'm not attracted to you. I don't need to see your post-workout shirtless shots or whatever, all that stuff.

12:30Maria McErlane:Shirtless shots, I think, fine. But anything that's sexual, I didn't think it was allowed on those sites.

12:36Graham Norton:I think what he's talking about is kind of thirst trap stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, just, you know, a towel or, you know, Speedos or whatever. It just, you don't want to see it. You know, it's fine. You are happy for him. He's living his authentic self, blah, blah, blah. But you don't want to engage in that part of his life.

12:55Maria McErlane:So should he tell him? Should he say to him? No, I wouldn't bother. Rather than unfollowing him, why don't you just say, listen, mate, really happy for you. It's great. And I can understand that you're really exploring every avenue of your new life because you've been suppressed for a long time and you've finally broken free. But it's a bit much to send my mum a card with first trap shots on it. Whatever.

13:17Graham Norton:That moon pig was really inappropriate.

13:20Maria McErlane:A bending over moon pig, no.

13:23Graham Norton:Yeah, the birthday candle should never go there.

13:28Graham Norton:Actually, now you've mentioned that, of course, I am thinking maybe you should say something, Chris, because, of course, if you're seeing all of this, probably his ex-wife and his teenage kids are seeing it. And that's kind of like, again...

13:41Maria McErlane:That's rubbing salt into an open wound. Well, not even that, but it's just kind of like,

13:44Graham Norton:even they could be happy for their dad that he has, you know, found his truth and all of that. But again, no teenager wants to see their dad as a sexual being or their mom as a sexual being. That you just want them to be your dad or your mom. That's all. End of.

14:03Maria McErlane:So should he say something like, you know, I think for your kids, this might be a bit much, mate?

14:07Graham Norton:Or just say, I just wondered, do your kids follow you on whatever you're following on? You know, that kind of thing. Because, you know, and listen, he may take umbrage. Almost certainly. Where he'll go, what, am I not allowed to live my life?

14:20Maria McErlane:Yes, you are, but in the right places. Yes. And there are places for that. There are places you can insert all of those bits of picture. But not on, as I say, kind of...

14:31Graham Norton:What? What are you trying to say, Maria? I don't know. You're looking for the right slot.

14:36Maria McErlane:I'm just feeling sad for his children and his wife. It's a lot for people to come to terms with, and it is a little bit like he's now going, I'm flying, I'm free, I don't have any more responsibilities, but you do still have responsibilities. Yes, the trouble is, what he has done has been so difficult for him.

14:55Graham Norton:Yeah. Because, you know, you have thrown a grenade into your family and all of that. And actually, it sounds like as well as these things can go, it has gone that well. But you're right. It's now he's kind of like, oh, that's it. Done. Done with old life. Now on with new life. And it's not quite that simple, I don't think. And also, if that's what Chris is seeing, imagine what Chris isn't seeing. You know, that's the scary bit. And of course, people take screenshots and they won't be able to resist showing his kids or his wife. Have you seen this pornographic thing that he's put up somewhere else?

15:35Maria McErlane:So I think, are we saying to have a word with him, this friend, have a word with him? But there are ways to have a word with him without squashing his authentic self, etc. Yes. Just by reminding him that there was a previous life and there are people's feelings. you know, like in every element of life, whether you're gay or straight, there are people's feelings to take into account. Yes.

15:56Graham Norton:And I feel like, you know, clearly now he's possibly making up for lost time. But I think there must be a way for Chris to say to him, look, getting your end away is marvellous, but it's not more important than being a dad, which you still are. You are still and you also have all your friends who have been incredibly supportive, but, you know, I don't want to know your body better than parts of my own kitchen.

16:27Maria McErlane:That's a sexy thing to say, isn't it? I know your body better than I do parts of my own kitchen. No, that's good.

16:33Graham Norton:Yeah, mug tree.

16:35Maria McErlane:In fact, I think we should use...

16:40Maria McErlane:Ooh, four-piece toaster.

16:44Graham Norton:Now you're talking. Look, let's throw it to the wangers, I think. What do they have to say?

16:50Maria McErlane:Yeah, they have to say Lisa in Massachusetts. Say what now? Yeah, that's America, don't you know? Oh, wow. I don't actually think you should say anything. Okay, Lisa in Massachusetts, keep your big nose out then. He's having fun with his newfound freedom and living his best life. You don't have to look at these pictures online if it makes you uncomfortable. There is that.

17:09Graham Norton:No, that's true. but then I wonder, I just, I just, is he aware of the impression he's giving? It sounds like no. Yes, I think he's caught up. He's just caught up in this new online life where he's getting likes and, you know, people going, oh, guapo and whatever those words are.

17:26Maria McErlane:Is that what they say? I think a few months down the line he's going to look back on this and be a bit embarrassed himself is what I...

17:32Graham Norton:Well, no, I think like all of us, in a few months' time we look back, wow, I look good then.

17:37Maria McErlane:Who is that?

17:38Graham Norton:Wow. Wow.

17:39Maria McErlane:Madge says, yes, yes, and yes. While it's great that he's living his true life, he really should take the feelings of his previous partner and more importantly, his children into consideration before uploading. Have a gentle word, possibly in a jokey way. Yeah. I think I'm kind of with you, Madge. Luke says, it's clear your friend is going through a sexual awakening after years in the closet. I don't know his age, but this is likely an outlet after many years hiding his true self. What you describe is probably more common than you, assuming you're not gay. Realise. Beautifully read. And so long as he isn't doing anything illegal, let him be.

18:15Maria McErlane:If you feel comfortable and indeed compelled, just tell him to be careful who he's speaking and sending messages to. And Jay says, I think, yes, you should definitely say something. Suggest he does a little bit of self-reflection rather than criticising him. Coming out is a deeply personal, often difficult journey, and it's important you acknowledge the courage it has taken. But maybe he should take a moment to reflect on how to balance his newfound personal freedom with a tad more dignity and respect for his family and friends. Let him know you are saying this because you genuinely care. I think the wangers have been marvellous on this.

18:52Graham Norton:Well, also, but again, I think the trouble is he is going to be immediately defensive. Of course. And sort of, you can't tell me what to do and da-da-da-da, that's who I am now. And actually, I don't know how you put it to him best.

19:09Maria McErlane:What about if you say to him, I'm telling you this before your children do?

19:12Graham Norton:Yes, that's good. Yes.

19:16Maria McErlane:Andrew says, should I just finish this one? Yeah, go on. Andrew in West London says, you absolutely have to say something. We've all made social media blunders at one time or another. So throw this guy a bone. That's the last thing he needs.

19:31Maria McErlane:so throw this guy a bone and let him know that all of his posts are visible for the world to see I assume you've already tried dropping subtle hints like asking him what brand of skimpy trunks he was wearing in his latest post I think you've just got to bite the bullet here and say it like it is without the skimpy underpants all of that just say mate

19:50Graham Norton:I don't want to see it

19:52Maria McErlane:just say mate I'm telling you this before your kids tell you

19:55Graham Norton:by the way for those of you watching on YouTube or Spotify do feel free to wade into the comments below. What would you do if you're in Chris's position? Would you speak up? And Chris, thank you very much for getting in touch. We liked it. And we'll hear another dilemma.

20:27Graham Norton:Sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross-Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.com. In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet. Then there's Mr. Pibb. Sweet cherry, bold outbursts. The kind of flavor that gets attention. Bold kick of cherry. And you're Mr. Pibb. It's the Paradise Podcast. I am your host, Ryan Michelle Bethé.

20:53Maria McErlane:With my husband, Sterling.

20:55Graham Norton:What's up?

20:55Maria McErlane:Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney +, where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise. I'll be getting all the secrets from Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson, and Sterling Kelby-Brown. Paradise, the official podcast, is now streaming.

21:14Graham Norton:And stream Paradise on Hulu and Hulu on Disney+. Shortly. All right, Maria, time to hear our next dilemma.

21:23Maria McErlane:Yeah. Dear Graham and Maria, here's one for you. Oh, good. Anything that starts with that, I want to tear up. Exactly, Rafi. Yes, thank you. What's going on out there? Shush. Excuse me.

21:35Graham Norton:Oh, is that masked man with the axe back?

21:39Maria McErlane:Yeah, you told him. Thank you. Why don't you come up here? Out of harm's way. Here's one for you. I'm 33, he's 53. We've known each other for over a decade, but only crossed the romantic line recently. Since then, the connection has been intense, emotionally but also sexually. We've explored so much together. I honestly think he's...

22:04Graham Norton:I think I know what you're saying.

22:11Graham Norton:He's never done that before.

22:15Maria McErlane:We've explored so much together. I honestly think he's learned things about himself.

22:24Maria McErlane:that he's never had the chance to explore before. That's just been a finger up the bottom, hasn't it? Yeah, dark side of the moon.

22:31Graham Norton:Yeah, absolutely.

22:33Maria McErlane:That's why it feels so hard to just shut it off for either of us. But he's also been consistently realistic. He doesn't want more children and he believes our age difference makes our relationship impossible long term. I'm not sure I want kids or not, but I haven't fully decided. We're not monogamous and I am seeing other people, but nothing compares. I can't connect deeply with anyone else, not because I'm not trying, but because he's still so present in my heart and in my head. So I guess the question is, when love and desire feel so powerful, but logic says it's not sustainable, how do you know when to hold on and when to let go?

23:13Maria McErlane:And that's from M in Chicago. I think, Em, in Chicago, my advice to you, I mean, you're 33, just enjoy it for what it is. And in a minute, before you have to decide about children, he won't be able to get it up anyway.

23:29Graham Norton:Oh, I don't know. I feel sad for you, Em, because I feel like, oh, this guy is calling all the shots. You know, we're not.

23:38Maria McErlane:Well, they're not monogamous. I wonder whose decision that was. Yeah, he is, obviously.

23:42Graham Norton:You know, he is enough for her. And clearly he is just messing around with her. And he's not taking it seriously. He's going, you know, I'm not going to end up with you. I've got my kids. I've had that. Now I'm just... Playing the field. A bit like the last guy, except, you know, this guy's come out as a shagger. I'm putting it out there. I'm putting it out there. Yeah. So, Em, you... Was it Sylvia Plath who said... I like this reference coming in. If you sleep with a log often enough, you'll fall in love with it. and I feel like that's what Em's done in Chicago is she's had sex with this guy, they've done things.

24:19Maria McErlane:Well, I think that's what worries me about this. This whole thing, like he's discovered things about himself that he didn't know before and we've done things together that we've never done before. No, you haven't.

24:29Graham Norton:Well, he hasn't. I mean, he's just, I feel like he's just sort of using this woman and kind of manipulating her in a way. And I know you've been friends for a long time, but crossing that line and now making it physical I'm afraid you're going to lose both things you're going to lose the friendship friendship and the relationship and also you can't really complain because to a fault he's been up front with you

24:55Maria McErlane:yeah that's what makes it even more appealing yes I will change this man I will make him fall in love with me I will make him want my babies and that's kind of like it's like a game but he's adamant about this and this whole thing about we're not monogamous. I mean, you can go and do whatever you like and you can have babies for the next, goodness knows how long, probably 10 years. But for now, I would just play him at the same game and just enjoy this for what it is and keep exploring things.

25:23Graham Norton:But you can't, I feel like Em's heart is now in this and that she needs to extract herself because he has told you, he said, this is not long-term, I am not monogamous, we're not having kids. He has absolutely been up front with her.

25:39Maria McErlane:So if she can be up front back and just go, OK, I'm going to do it for what it is. But look at the letter. It's too late for that. I know it is. And the very fact that your heart isn't in it with anyone else means that you are being monogamous.

25:51Graham Norton:But the sooner you end this, the better. Because the longer it goes on, the worse it's going to be. I know, you're a harsh man. But also, isn't that that horrible thing? that she won't even get the satisfaction of breaking up with him because he denies their going out. You know, it's just, nothing about this is going to be satisfying to you. It's all a disappointment.

26:19Maria McErlane:You seem to be very adamant about this, and I think maybe you're right, and that she should actually do the thing and take back the only bit of control that she's probably got in this relationship and go, that's it. you're not giving me enough you're giving me things that I've never done before and we're experiencing things that we've never experienced before but it's not enough

26:39Graham Norton:yeah because if he was committed to you actually the age difference what is it 20 years yeah doesn't matter you'll be fine because you're not a kid you're 33 but I feel like the fact that he is you know being totally honest with you and saying you know no monogamy no commitment nothing no kids and it's not going to be long term da da da you need to listen to him Em and get out of Dodge because your heart is just going to be beaten to a pulp by this man.

27:09Maria McErlane:It's really a shame, isn't it? That whole self-esteem thing that people quite often just think, I will change him. I will make him love me. I will make him want all the things that I want. And you never do.

27:22Graham Norton:And also it's that weird thing, you know, Em will be thinking to herself, oh, oh, I've met the right guy, but at the wrong time. No, you haven't. You've met the wrong man at the right time. Because you're 33, you still have lots of living to do.

27:36Maria McErlane:Oh, my goodness. And there's so many people to fall in love with.

27:39Graham Norton:Yeah.

27:39Maria McErlane:And to fall in love with you properly. Properly.

27:41Graham Norton:Yeah. Who will say, I want a life with you.

27:44Maria McErlane:And I want children. Well, she doesn't know she wants kids.

27:47Graham Norton:She probably does. But, you know, you do need to sign quite soon. But, I mean, you're young, but. But no, I just, I worry for you, Em, and I hope she's got the strength to get out of this before she gets really, really hurt.

28:05Maria McErlane:I think we know the answer to that, don't we? I know.

28:07Graham Norton:Hey, what do the Wangers have to say, Miriam?

28:09Maria McErlane:Miriam in Newcastle says, I was ready to say, sod the age gap, go for it, until you mentioned the having kids thing. If he's definitely not up for having more children and you're undecided, that is a recipe for disaster. You may think he'll change his mind, but he won't. this intensity won't last that is true it'll fade and the frisson you feel now will turn into regret when you decide that you do want children or latterly when you become his carer

28:37Graham Norton:wow miriam way to kill the romance yeah we've done things we've never done before like change

28:44Maria McErlane:his nappy it'll fade and the frisson and now i'm your carer

28:51Graham Norton:Remember what I used to do back here.

28:59Maria McErlane:Shall I try it again to hear if it works? Or something in the way. Oh, no. Anonymous. Anonymous says, helping him discover things about himself sounds a bit self-delusional. She's really not that special. or none of us are, and it sounds like he might want to talk about his feelings a bit more than she should indulge. He's not in it for the long haul, and she might be a little bit, I dare say, impressionable. If she wants the physical relationship, then she should stick it out while the riding is good. Going is good. Shall we say that instead? But don't be deluded into thinking it is anything more.

29:42Maria McErlane:Grace says, people put so much pressure on relationships these days. You're having a good time. Just carry on and see what happens. don't overthink it. She is an overthinker though. That is the problem. She's written to us. She's overthought. Well, like I said,

29:55Graham Norton:it's just that thing. If the sex is good, I think you, in your head, you can fill in the gaps. You know, you kind of draw a picture on that person of who you'd like them to be. But he isn't that guy. And he's told you, at least you're in a kind of good place because he's not leading you on. No. Like so many women in this situation would be going, hmm, he's the blah, blah, blah. But no, this guy's said no, none of the above.

30:24Maria McErlane:But don't you see how appealing that can be to someone? Yes, yeah. I mean, it's a clever sort of psychological trick. Nick says a 20-year age gap is okay, but if you're unsure about children and he definitely doesn't want any, why don't you sponsor a polar bear or a snow leopard instead? Hello, where are you coming from? You all get regular pics, a soft toy and a poster for you both to coo over. No responsibilities and zero university freeze later in life. Hope that helps. Yeah, go back to smoking your little reefer there, Nick. Do you think, has Nick had kids and hate them?

30:57Graham Norton:Or is Nick definitely not having children? I don't know. One of them.

31:00Maria McErlane:I think Nick is trying to be very, very funny. That is a difficult one. Because I want her, now I want to meet this man of 53 as well. Well, no, I kind of have nothing against him.

31:11Graham Norton:Because, like I say, he has been totally, you know, transparent with her. but Em can't help herself. She has kind of embroidered something onto a bit of sack. Yeah. You know, it's just a bit of scrap material to him. A bit of burlap. Yeah, and she's tried to turn it into something collectible and lovely. No.

31:33Maria McErlane:Harsh, Graham, but probably fair.

31:35Graham Norton:Listen, Em, as ever we hope we've been of some help, that's where we leave our dilemmas of the week. But we turn to Am I Weird? Maria.

31:44Maria McErlane:Yeah, today's Am I Weird comes from Peter.

31:47Graham Norton:Hello, Peter.

31:48Maria McErlane:Hello, Peter. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird? I love putting salad cream all over my roast dinners. It stems from when I was a small child putting salad cream on my greens, as it was the only way I could manage to eat them. Now, at the age of 56, I still love to put salad cream all over the roast. But when I tell people this, they turn their noses up in disgust. Am I weird?

32:13Graham Norton:You're single.

32:16Maria McErlane:I think that answers that

32:18Graham Norton:like it's fine when you're a kid but I think there's some things you need to grow out of

32:23Maria McErlane:I mean it's a bit like am I weird I still suck my thumb and I'm 62 it's a bit like that it's like yeah you've got over the thing of greens being horrible now you don't mind greens you're sophisticated you know which wines you like with which food so salad cream I mean yeah

32:39Graham Norton:at least have mayonnaise I was going to say

32:43Maria McErlane:and makes it sound really horribly middle class.

32:45Graham Norton:No, because, you know, I remember loving salad cream as a child. Have you tasted salad cream recently? It's horrible. It's really quite hard to eat. It's just like vinegar. It's so sharp. Like, there's nothing, like, I don't know what's in it. It must be a very cheap way of trying to make mayonnaise. Yeah. I don't know.

33:02Maria McErlane:Even mayonnaise tastes too vinegary to me.

33:04Graham Norton:Oh, no, I like mayonnaise.

33:05Maria McErlane:Oh, do you?

33:05Graham Norton:Oh, good.

33:06Maria McErlane:But I think also, I think, Peter, this is a kind of, again, these things am I weird it's a bit of a way of getting attention yes

33:15Graham Norton:it's a bit novelty tie

33:16Maria McErlane:yeah it's a bit novelty drawing attention to people and a sort of conversation piece but I think you can do better than that Peter I think there are better conversations to be had than oh I know I'm weird I have salad cream on everything even chocolate well you know

33:31Graham Norton:it's a bit like you know my I was so drunk stories you know

33:36Maria McErlane:haven't heard any of those for a while well exactly because now I miss those Graham

33:40Graham Norton:Because now I'm 60-something. And, you know, stories that are funny when you're in your 20s and 30s are a bit tragic in your 50s and 60s. And I think putting salad cream on your roast dinner when you're 56 is a bit tragic. Is that harsh?

33:55Maria McErlane:Well, it sounds ageist, doesn't it? No, no, but it's true.

33:59Graham Norton:Like, a young guy missing teeth could look raffish and sexy and a bit devil may care. But, you know, turn 50, well, hello.

34:08Maria McErlane:Or drunk who fell over.

34:09Graham Norton:Yeah.

34:10Maria McErlane:But I think that's quite a lot different to having salad cream on your greens.

34:15Graham Norton:It's part of the same family.

34:17Maria McErlane:If you say so, Graham. So are we saying this is weird or not? I'm saying Peter should stop this. I'm saying there's better things to draw attention to yourself by having a full set of teeth and no greens stuck in them.

34:29Graham Norton:No. And no salad cream down yourself.

34:33Maria McErlane:No salad cream down your tie. Down your comedy tie.

34:36Graham Norton:And Maria, just like that, we have finished this week's round of wanging.

34:40Maria McErlane:Good. Now, for actual expert advice on any of Lifestyle Lemmas, there's a link on our Instagram page at wangingonalloneword. And while you're there, give us a follow. We post lots of clips and memes, I'm told, and especially of the dog. Oh, I've got more to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're even on TikTok and Facebook too.

35:00Graham Norton:Yeah, just face pictures though, just face pics.

35:03Maria McErlane:Face pics, yeah.

35:04Graham Norton:Yeah.

35:04Maria McErlane:No, you won't. Nothing. Nothing below the table. Nothing that compares to your kitchen. Or whatever it was that you said. Okay.

35:13Graham Norton:A big thank you to Chris, Em and Peter for getting in touch with us. Plus all the wangers for sharing their advice. Wanging On with Graham and Maria is a Listen production. Have a lovely week and we'll see you next time. Bye bye.