Wanging On is Going Live!

6:33Graham Norton:You'll be in the wings Applying makeup I will be preparing myself For 24 hours I'll be doing

6:43Graham Norton:So a live show. Yeah, yeah. Obviously it's going to be much bigger than this.

6:47Maria McErlane:Yeah, big theatre. Yeah.

6:49Graham Norton:What can people expect?

6:50Maria McErlane:Very gigantic furniture to fill the space. And really, very much, as we do now, we'll be wanging.

6:58Graham Norton:There'll be some interaction with the audience. Yes. There'll be partial nudity, but tastefully done.

7:03Maria McErlane:Yeah. I will be doing some contemporary dance. Of course.

7:06Graham Norton:Yeah. People love that.

7:08Maria McErlane:It's my signature.

7:10Graham Norton:I mean, people would leave disappointed if they didn't see any contemporary dance. And I'll be doing some close-up magic.

7:16Maria McErlane:I can't wait for that.

7:18Graham Norton:It's mostly card games, sleight of hand.

7:20Maria McErlane:That works very well in a big theatre.

7:22Graham Norton:They love it. They love it. So if you fancy it, come along. We're joking about the nudity and the contemporary dance. Are we? I hope we're joking about that.

7:32Maria McErlane:I'll sing a number.

7:33Graham Norton:Oh, dear God.

7:37Graham Norton:We're trying to sell tickets.

7:39Maria McErlane:You take the high road and I'll take the low road.

7:45Graham Norton:Gilda Balloon on the phone. We've got negative ticket sales. People are trying to return tickets they haven't bought. Wangers, do join us at the Edinburgh Festival. It's the 7th, the 7th of August. It's a Friday. It's the first day of the Fringe. So, hurrah. Tickets go on sale this Wednesday, April the 29th. So to get yours, just head to gildaballoon.co.uk. That's gildaballoon, all one word,.co.uk. And tickets are limited, you know, because it's a building. So book early to avoid disappointment.

8:20Maria McErlane:I thought we were doing it in the open air.

8:22Graham Norton:We'll put big screens outside and just sell them unlimited. Just keep selling them. Yeah, be like the Pope visiting somewhere. Big screens outside.

8:31Maria McErlane:Yay! I do remember going up to the open.

8:35Graham Norton:You can be like Rachel Zegler in Evita and just go to the balcony, wave down at them.

8:39Maria McErlane:Don't cry for me, Edinburgh.

8:43Graham Norton:Okay, shall we get on? Maria, time is marching on. There is a dilemma in our very near future. It's up. Pepsi Prebiotic Cola, an original and cherry vanilla. That Pepsi taste you love with no artificial sweeteners and three grams of prebiotic fiber. Pepsi Prebiotic Cola Unbelievably Pepsi Membership means more with American Express Business Gold Earn four times membership rewards points in your top two eligible spending categories every month, including eligible U.S. advertising purchases and select media and U.S. purchases at restaurants including takeout and delivery What are you waiting for?

9:24Graham Norton:Get the card that flexes with your spending every month. Terms and points cap apply Learn more at AmericanExpress.com slash business dash gold. MX Business Gold Card. Built for business by American Express. Next.

9:40Graham Norton:Maria, Maria, how do wangers get these episodes as soon as they drop?

9:44Maria McErlane:Oh, well, you see, Graham, you can tap follow on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube or your podcast app of choice. Totally free. Plus on Spotify, you can tap the little bell icon and then you get notified when a new episode drops.

10:00Graham Norton:They really have thought of everything. What a world, Maria.

10:03Maria McErlane:That's every Monday, by the way.

10:05Graham Norton:All right, Maria. Yeah. The first problem, please.

10:08Maria McErlane:Yeah, here we go. Here we go, Graham.

10:10Graham Norton:I'm excited for this. Very excited for this.

10:12Maria McErlane:Dear Graham and Maria, I'm a 22-year-old British student currently doing my master's in Belgium. As someone who is looking for love, I downloaded Tinder. I ended up chatting with this guy and it seemed to all be going very well. We even arranged to go on a date. The night before the date, while we were messaging, He sent me a picture of myself from Tinder, followed by three messages in Dutch. I immediately thought this looked like a mistake and translated the messages. They read as follows. Gosh, not that handsome, but I still think he's cool and he's friendly. Upset, to say the least. I decided it was best just to leave it on read and not reply.

10:54Maria McErlane:The next day, I received the following messages from him. Hey, hey, I'm sorry for yesterday with the picture. I think we probably shouldn't meet up. Sorry. So, oh, my heart is breaking for this poor guy. So my dilemma is this. After making me feel so upset, do I block him, just ignore the message, react minimally, or say that I hope he finds a more handsome guy? And that is from Matthew. Oh, Matthew. You know, that was clearly a mistake. But the good thing here, I think, Graham, is that the guy realised he'd made a mistake and got in touch. He didn't ghost you. He didn't think, oh, no, I've sent the message to him and it was meant to go there.

11:36Maria McErlane:He owned it. He owned his mistake, which is a good thing. Yes. And I think, Matthew, listen, it wasn't, it could have been so much worse, frankly, couldn't it?

11:46Graham Norton:Well, that's what I think. I think that's the thing about being 22. Matthew thinks this is something worth being upset over. Yeah. People are going to say much worse things to you, Matthew. Let's start now. No. No, I think Matthew, you know, yes, he said you weren't that handsome, but he thinks you're cool and friendly and he still wanted to meet up. So...

12:08Maria McErlane:No, but he did say, I think it's best we don't meet.

12:11Graham Norton:Yeah, but that's because of the egginess of sending this message.

12:14Maria McErlane:But he did still want to meet up, even though, you know, not that handsome. But anyway, you know, the whole thing about Tinder is it's like this kind of single dimension of a person. Yeah. And once you're in the space, if there's chemistry, if he likes your personality, there's so much more to it. But that is Tinder and that is the swipey left, swipey right. And that's the thing.

12:35Graham Norton:That's what Matthew's doing all the time to people. Yeah. When you're on Tinder, Matthew, you're swiping left, swipey right. And a lot of the things you think about those people you're swiping left or right on, you wouldn't like them to see. You weren't meant to see this. It was a mistake. The guy owned the mistake, apologized. And that's it. And I think don't dwell on this too much, Matthew. This guy, you're not going to see him now.

13:00Maria McErlane:See, I think he should still see him. I think, you know, it's a good talking point. It's a sort of anecdote, beginnings of an anecdote. You may have chemistry, you may not. But even if you don't, nothing's kind of lost from going to meet him. You're going to meet him anyway.

13:15Graham Norton:Yeah, but I feel like to go in knowing that he doesn't think you're good looking, you know.

13:22Maria McErlane:Matthew may not think he's that good looking either

13:25Graham Norton:but you know I think you probably do date lots of people who don't think you're that good looking but they haven't told you that and that's kind of the bad bit of the beginning I think look Matthew this is just an accident nothing terrible has happened here you know and certainly do not reply with the I hope you find a more handsome guy then you just seem like bitter and weird and really upset and angry maybe you are upset and angry but you shouldn't be. You should just roll with the punches. He didn't say anything terrible about you. I mean, I dread to think if people saw things I'd said about them.

14:01Graham Norton:Actually, people have seen things that I've said about them. Have they what? Yeah. I remember leaving. Well, I was messaging someone on Facebook and I was talking about someone and that person, the someone, my laptop was open and they saw it.

14:18Maria McErlane:Oh. Yeah.

14:19Graham Norton:What was it? I was incredibly, I think I just said they were very boring or something.

14:24Maria McErlane:See, I think that's worse than saying not very handsome.

14:27Graham Norton:Oh, yeah. I mean, certainly the person thought it was quite upsetting.

14:32Maria McErlane:Reader, I married him.

14:34Graham Norton:No, I did not. But I was very unapologetic. So you owned it? No, because I thought, well, that message wasn't for you. Obviously, I wouldn't have messaged you saying that because that would have been very upsetting. but now you've been sniffing around my computer. Look what came of that, you moron. Stupid and boring.

14:56Maria McErlane:Would you rather be called not handsome or boring?

15:01Graham Norton:Neither of them are great but boring is worse.

15:03Maria McErlane:Boring is way worse. So I think what this guy said and that he owned it was but he's kind or nice. Friendly. Friendly. And cool. Friendly and cool. I mean, come on. And so you have the opportunity if you do decide to go and meet him to prove that you are all of the above and more.

15:21Graham Norton:I just think this is done, Matthew. Tinder is a great big thing. Just get back in there and stop swiping again and hope this doesn't happen next time. You know, you will match with more people. And if you're meant to bump into this guy again, you will. And then you'll go, oh, you're that guy. And you're right, Maria, you might laugh about it then. But I think...

15:44Maria McErlane:It might be an anecdote to tell the kids.

15:47Graham Norton:I can hear the children's eyes rolling from here

15:51Maria McErlane:I think it's quite a good way to start a date to laugh about something that happened and then you can say I've done it too and if anybody read my messages about people they'd be horrified I was actually pleasantly surprised that it wasn't that bad and you said that I'm friendly and cool

16:08Graham Norton:I mean I think Matthew you just need to put yourself in this guy's shoes You know, you, Matthew, I am sure, have said more judgy, horrible things about people and would be mortified if they read them. So actually, this guy, he didn't say anything very bad. What did he say? Not that handsome. That's not saying ugly. No. He could have said ugly. Maybe your Google Translate didn't work properly. Maybe it was Dutch for ugly and Google Translate was just trying to be kind.

16:40Maria McErlane:I don't think Google Translate does that. Not that handsome is still a bit handsome. Yeah, you know. See, OK, the two things you can do, which is what Graham says, it's just, you know, forget it, move on, don't let it linger in your brain. Or, see, I just would want to finish this anecdote and I would go and meet him.

17:03Graham Norton:What, and have sex with him? Probably. Just finish the anecdote. Yeah, probably. Yeah. And then...

17:08Maria McErlane:And then say, after all that, he couldn't get it up.

17:11Graham Norton:Because I'm so ugly.

17:14Maria McErlane:Because look at my face. I've been hit with a frying pan.

17:22Graham Norton:A Belgian waffle iron. I think the wangers are going to be very interested in this.

17:29Maria McErlane:Waffle iron. No, no, no, no. Okay, here we go. Sophie from Cheltenham says, while this may have stung a bit, it seems like a genuine mistake. Beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, but it is also something that changes once you get to know a person. Someone who originally appears stunning can become repulsive and someone who may not have blown you away at first can become the most beautiful person in the world to you. All right, Sophie, we get it. He seems like a kind and mature lad who has recognised the more important things about you, i.e. you're kind and cool. If I were you, I'd make a joke of it, put him at ease and suggest you meet up anyway.

18:08Maria McErlane:Yes, Sophie. If you don't click, then you've lost nothing. But it could end up being a funny story you're telling in decades to come.

18:17Graham Norton:I'm sorry. I'm looking for better anecdotes than this to be telling in future. And then he said I wasn't very handsome. Anyone? No. Anyone? This normally kills.

18:28Maria McErlane:That's not the end of the story. You've got to get the end of the story. So you've got to meet up with him to get the end of the story. And then I killed him.

18:36Graham Norton:And the funny thing was...

18:38Maria McErlane:He died immediately.

18:42Graham Norton:I think if you suggest meeting up anyway, and then he goes, no, then you have something to be upset about. So right now, it's all, you're in a kind of a golden thing. He made a mistake. He apologised. He's stepped away. Leave it at that. Don't go looking for trouble. You're a serious sensitive soul, Matthew. And to be rejected twice will be worse.

19:07Maria McErlane:That is a good point you make there, but I think I still would have to feel that. Be rejected twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I would. I'm, you know, it's a Catholic thing. OK, Kirsty in York says, oh, we've all done something like that at some point. Well, I know I have anyway. I don't think the comment was that bad. They just weren't attracted to you physically. The rest was actually pretty positive. It wasn't meant to be hurtful, so I would just ignore it or wish them well. As things stand, you come out of this the better person. If you make a big drama out of it, it won't change the fact that your feelings were accidentally hurt.

19:41Maria McErlane:You'll just end up looking petty. Move on. Find someone who is worthy of your attention. Okay. That's you.

19:48Graham Norton:Hey, guess who lives in Rome?

19:50Maria McErlane:Who?

19:51Graham Norton:Rita.

19:52Maria McErlane:Has she phoned us? She has. Oh my God. I would block him and I wouldn't waste any more time with this person. You're young. You're at a university in Belgium. I'm sure it's near Brussels. It's such a great place to be for a young person. and it's really vibrant. The nightlife is excellent. I mean, I'm sure that you can get out there and you can meet people and just, you know, forget about it. Don't waste any more time on it.

20:16Graham Norton:Well, Rita's lived, hasn't she? Yeah. In Rome now. She's only in Rome because she ran out in Brussels.

20:23Maria McErlane:Bit of geography there from Rita. Yeah. But, you know, good advice, Rita.

20:28Graham Norton:Yeah, she's had her fill of more fruit.

20:32Maria McErlane:I've got another message from Gabrielle in the Netherlands, Graham. So cosbolitan. The Tinder comment might sound harsh, but it's Tinder. People use it like they're grocery shopping. True. Personally, I'd rather be described as cool and friendly than just handsome. I see that as a real compliment. As a Dutch person myself... Of course she'll know. I know we, brackets, and our Dutch Flemish-speaking neighbours, can be brutally direct. It's a completely different communication style compared to the British politeness. He took the time to apologise and cancel rather than just ghosting, which is something.

21:07Maria McErlane:I would suggest a simple, classy exit. Thanks for your honesty. I wish you all the best and then just move on. I think good advice there from Gabrielle. Yes.

21:17Graham Norton:Maybe. Yeah. Well, even that though, thank you for your honesty, it's a bit loaded. I feel like it gives him...

21:23Maria McErlane:What about if Matthew says, oh, no problem, I found it funny. Be massively confident about it. No problem, I found it funny because I am the hottest thing you'll ever know. you'll ever not know this.

21:35Graham Norton:You're not the first person to tell me I'm not that handsome. So there. Yeah. I haven't had sex with loads of people.

21:47Graham Norton:Matthew, look, all you can do is just keep your chin up, keep swiping, keep swiping and you will meet the right guy. Don't you worry. And thank you very much for sending in your dilemma. Wangers, what do you feel? Comments below. Have you ever sent the wrong message to someone? I'm sure you have. We've all done it. Tell your stories in the comments. We'd love to hear them. Another dilemma, fast approaches. We'll dive in next. This episode is brought to you by Sky Ultimate TV. Now, Maria, don't you just hate TV FOMO?

22:17Maria McErlane:I hate it, Graeme. There's so much good stuff to watch. Endless recommendations from friends and family. And I really do hate missing out.

22:24Graham Norton:Well, breaking news, Maria, because Sky have solved the TV FOMO problem once and for all for the first time ever. Sky TV, Disney +, HBO Max, Netflix and Hey You are all now included with Sky Ultimate TV so you can get all your favourite content together in one simple subscription.

22:42Maria McErlane:Finally, all this great content in one place, easier to manage and with only one bill. What shows will I be able to watch, Graham?

22:49Graham Norton:Well, I'm glad you asked. There's the new Saturday Night Live UK on Sky, Bridgerton, of course, on Netflix, The Pit on HBO Max, Grey's Anatomy on Disney +, and Below Deck on Hey You. plus loads of others.

23:02Maria McErlane:The shows that everyone is talking about. No more Telefomo for me, Graham. And you can even put them all in one handy playlist. Exactly.

23:09Graham Norton:You'll never feel left out of a conversation again.

23:11Maria McErlane:Well, not one about TV anyway.

23:13Graham Norton:Get Sky Ultimate TV for£24. That's over£20 worth of streaming apps included. Visit sky.com slash TV.

23:21Maria McErlane:Prices may change during the 24-month minimum term. New customer joining Skystream with Sky Ultimate TV only includes Disney Plus, Standard with Ads, Netflix, Standard with Ads, HBO Basic with Ads and a taste of Hey You. For full terms and conditions, visit sky.com forward slash TV.

23:39Graham Norton:Maria, the floor is yours.

23:41Maria McErlane:Yep, yep, yep, yep. Dilemma numero deux. Nice.

23:46Graham Norton:Well, because people abroad are listening and watching this. It's so important they understand three words.

23:54Maria McErlane:Go away. Dear Graham and Maria, I split up with my boyfriend of four years around six months ago. It was a difficult decision, but after the unexpected loss of my best friend, I was struggling to maintain a supportive role in the relationship. And as I was the one that needed supporting emotionally, let's just say he didn't take the split very well. Now fast forward to officially buying him out of our home. I would really like to close this chapter and move forward with life and grief. however my spare room has bags of his belongings he asked to store them here until he gets the keys to his new place now i know he has the keys now but no word on when he will collect his stuff i feel so anxious about seeing him and friends have suggested i just drop the bags at his parents but i don't know what to do for the best love the pod it's my calming escapism before bedtime Thanks in advance.

24:52Maria McErlane:That's from Emily. Oh, thank you for your kind words, Emily. Not anymore, Emily.

24:59Graham Norton:I'm sorry. What do you have to say to Emily, Maria? What's calming before she goes to bed?

25:06Maria McErlane:Sorry, Emily. This might not be the thing you wanted to hear. But no, I feel for Emily because I think when you split up with someone, you want to kind of make it clean. He's having trouble with it. And I think a psychologist will tell you, you know, leaving his stuff in your spare room is like still being there, isn't it? And it feels like that to you. I don't think you need to involve his parents in this. I think you're both grown-ups. You know he's got the keys. Do you know where he lives? That would be the thing because I would just send it round in a taxi.

25:39Graham Norton:Look, I think Emily did. Isn't it interesting? I think a lot of people break up in bereavement.

25:45Maria McErlane:Yeah, yeah, because you suddenly go, why am I doing this?

25:48Graham Norton:Yeah, I think it gives you such clarity, doesn't it, grief? Grief, you really look at your life and see what matters, what doesn't matter, what's important. And so, Emily, you've done the really hard bit. After four years, you went, actually, this isn't working. Clearly, you thought it was going to be working because you bought a place together or rented a place together. So it's been a shock for everyone. It's a shock for you, a shock for him. But you did the hard thing. This bit is the last hurdle. and I just think you need to, I know you're anxious about seeing him, you're going to see him and so just rip the band-aid off and go, look, I hear you've got the keys, what are we going to do about all the stuff you've left in my thing?

26:31Graham Norton:And yes, you are going to meet up, it's going to be awkward and weird but it's better than having a room full of his belongings with you 24 hours a day for months. So it's, yes, it's not going to be easy, you're going to dread it, He's not going to want to engage with it. But like I say, you've done the worst bit. So this bit just needs to happen.

26:55Maria McErlane:I think Emily also has to remember that you had the grief of your best friend and also the grief of a relationship after four years. And, you know, the house situation, you had to buy him out of the house. These three things are the most stressful that you can have. A sort of a divorce, a death and moving house. You haven't moved house, but you've still got all his stuff. Presumably you have had conversations about this, Emily, with him about his stuff in the spare room and he's dragging his heels. I think maybe you could say to him in the next email or whatever, however you contact him, I have a friend coming to stay.

27:30Maria McErlane:I have a friend coming to stay and the room is still full of your stuff. Can you come and collect it? If he doesn't respond to that, you have to say then I can't have your stuff anymore. I will leave it outside in bags. Or if you give me your address, I will send it around. I mean, you don't actually have to see him. We don't know how much of this stuff there is. But if he's not taking responsibility, I think. Are you listening? No. Yeah, I am. If he's not taking responsibility.

27:56Graham Norton:Come on, Rafi.

27:57Maria McErlane:If he's not taking responsibility for his stuff, there's a point where you have to withdraw. Except, well, yes, if he's not taking responsibility,

28:05Graham Norton:then I think you are allowed to send up an ultimatum and kind of go, look, this stuff is moving. Do you want me to send it to your parents? Do you want me to send it to your house? Do you want it to show up when you're not there? You know, you've got to engage with this because this stuff is not staying in my house. We have broken up. But I think there's lots of steps before you get to that.

28:27Maria McErlane:But how many steps? I mean, I think... Not many, but I do think... Look, I... It does sound like they've had conversations about this. While his stuff is there, he is still there.

28:36Graham Norton:Yes, and I think breaking up with people is, it's terrible from both sides. And there is that thing where you'd like them to vanish off the face of the earth. So you need never...

28:47Maria McErlane:Which is why I find it best to kill them.

28:49Graham Norton:Yes, I know.

28:50Maria McErlane:But that's why I had to move house because my garden was so full.

28:53Graham Norton:Yes, you are known in Hastings as the Black Widow. So look, I think there's really not a lot of advice to give, Emily. it's that you have to just grow a pair a bit and and make contact you will have to talk to him you probably will have to see him and it but like i say you've done the worst bit the the horrible bit of ending this after four years which must be just but at least the i think the good thing in a way when you ended it you were in absolutely the right place you were you had the grief of losing your best friend. You knew the relationship wasn't working. You had clarity. So you were able to end it.

29:35Graham Norton:Now, those feelings have slightly gone away. It's got a bit muddy. It's got a bit muddy now and now you're having to deal with it. So, but you do have to deal with it. And as we're saying, when you do, one, it won't be as bad as you think it's going to be. And two, you will feel so great afterwards. I think both of you will feel so great afterwards.

29:54Maria McErlane:Yeah, I agree. Should we see what the wangers have to say?

29:56Graham Norton:Yeah, it's a big one. And I think a lot of us have been through this. So this should be good. Here we go.

30:01Maria McErlane:And also, Emily, you have to be kind to yourself because you've been through quite a lot. So this will help, I think. Wes in Brighton says, the ex may not be ready to end this relationship and in desperation is using this storage issue as a way to delay the inevitable. You've clearly made some tough decisions to move on. And I would say getting rid of his belongings isn't another one. He needs an ultimatum before you ask his parents to collect. Put a deadline on this too. If the deadline passes, then take the belongings to a skip or a worthy charity shop on the high street. Whatever you do, do it with dignity and be sure in your conviction.

30:35Maria McErlane:Don't take any nonsense. He needs to move on like you have. Stacey says it's a sad situation all round. He's probably as anxious about seeing you as you are about seeing him. Nothing wrong with dropping his bags off at his parents. It may feel awkward, but at least then you'll have more space in the spare room for new, hopefully happier things. A baby. His final gift to you.

31:04Graham Norton:I thought those black bags were a reminder.

31:07Maria McErlane:Oh, one more belonging.

31:10Graham Norton:That's my impression of a baby. Jono, I don't think it's my husband, has left us a voice note. My advice would be get them gone. Message him, your ex, or a mutual party like pals you know or his parents saying that he has till a certain date to collect the items and if not, just be honest, be like, you don't want them anymore and you'll be putting them to the skip. It's not that hard, really. Thank you. Bye-bye. Wow, my husband's mad for the helium. He is, isn't he?

31:38Maria McErlane:I really don't think the skip is necessary at this stage. No. But don't let too many stages...

31:44Graham Norton:But I feel like don't be too aggressive in your ultimatums. No. You know, because actually there are things you, you know...

31:49Maria McErlane:Well, that's why I'm saying, just saying I've got a friend coming to stay in the spare room and there's no room for her. So Jake in Bournemouth says, he's got his keys. Your spare room isn't a storage unit. Time to return the bags and close the chapter. Best way, box everything neatly, bring a friend, pick a dry day, then dash it to the door. No lingering. This is a swift drop and go. Knock or don't, leave it with a note or not, and go, go, go. Take a quick photo as proof. Send one message. Your things are outside your parents, then block his number and all social media. Delete, move on. No reason for further contact.

32:23Maria McErlane:wishing you an efficient drop-off and a beautifully reclaimed spare room. Quite harsh, Jake. I feel Jake has broken up with quite a lot of people.

32:31Graham Norton:Yeah. And he's normally the one to do the dumping.

32:34Maria McErlane:I think he's got an app about it, hasn't he? How to break up and get rid of all the stuff.

32:40Graham Norton:Jake's a pro. Like, box it neatly. Pick a dry day. Dump and go.

32:47Maria McErlane:Take a photo.

32:50Graham Norton:He's a professional. Emily, look, we hope you get proper closure whatever you decide to do Emily sent her dilemma to us via our email Oh yeah, what's that then, Graham? It's wangingon at listen.co.uk Yeah, and you can as well It's also the email address to be used for Am I Weird Guess what we have now?

33:12Maria McErlane:Do we have a jingle?

33:14Graham Norton:We do Am I weird? I'm bored of it already, but anyway, go on

33:20Maria McErlane:Also, it feels a bit sort of like it needs some bass.

33:25Graham Norton:It's all about the bass. Yeah. The bass.

33:27Maria McErlane:Anyway, today's Am I Weird comes courtesy of Kate in Shanghai. Get out of here. No, we are worldly with our reach, Graham. Yeah. Hi, Graham and Maria. Am I weird? I love nothing more than plucking the whiskers from my chin and sometimes my neck. Now, I feel if she was on your red chair, you would have already flipped her.

33:51Graham Norton:No, I'd have been looking very closely at the screen.

33:57Maria McErlane:Kate says, it's my way to relax in the evenings. I'm a woman in her perimenopausal phase. And while my whiskers have always grown regularly throughout my adult life, now they are even more spiky and there are many, many more of them. I could take action and get some electrolysis to sort them out. but it would take away a very simple and satisfying pleasure from my evening routine. Oh, really, Kate, you need to get out more. Shanghai is a happening place.

34:25Graham Norton:Shanghai surprise.

34:27Maria McErlane:I really look forward to getting back from a long day at work, put the kids to bed and then getting to work with my tweezers until my chin is as bald as a coot. I also like, oh, no, too much now. I also like to brush each plucked whisker across my cheek to see how stiff it is, the stiffer the better. What do you think? Well, you know,

34:51Graham Norton:Chinese television isn't all that.

34:54Maria McErlane:I think the amount of detail in Kate's letter sort of tips her over into weirdness. I mean, it's not weird to pluck your chin hairs at all, but, I mean, the detail of taking and seeing how stiff they are and looking forward to getting home from work, you may have just been embellishing for our sake. We thank you for that.

35:14Graham Norton:But the shock to me is that there are children in all of this. So presumably there was a man at some point who, you know, was quite happy to kiss old bushy tail, bushy tail, whatever her name is, Kate.

35:32Maria McErlane:I think you could put the whiskers under your children's pillows.

35:36Graham Norton:That's a lovely idea.

35:38Maria McErlane:And say, has the whisker fairy been?

35:41Graham Norton:Has the Shanghai witch been tonight?

35:45Maria McErlane:And they'll say, no, mummy, you're the Shanghai witch.

35:49Graham Norton:Get out of my room. Yeah. Oh, I've got stubble rash again. Get off me, mummy.

35:58Maria McErlane:Are you mummy or are you daddy? I don't know. I don't think you're weird.

36:03Graham Norton:I don't think you're weird. And look, if it gives you pleasure, what a very sweet pleasure. You know, some people are taking heroin. Kate's just plucking her chin hairs.

36:12Maria McErlane:It's a slippery slope, Graham.

36:17Graham Norton:The opium dens of Shanghai. It started with my whiskers. Now look at my arms.

36:28Maria McErlane:So I'm going to say no, not weird, but maybe have other things in your life.

36:35Graham Norton:Yes, I think it's not weird, but don't talk about it. Well, it's too late. I know, that's what I mean. and be like, don't, it's fine. You've written us this letter. Let's hope that's got it out of your system. Don't bring this up at parties, Kate.

36:46Maria McErlane:She's very proud of it. I mean, perimenopause, or wait till the real thing happens. And you'll have something to talk about, Kate.

36:53Graham Norton:Then you can join a circus.

36:57Maria McErlane:Yeah, there'll be all manner of shit going down.

37:01Graham Norton:Kate's Whiskers draw another episode of Wanging On to a Close. Maria, could you remind everyone that we're not experts?

37:06Maria McErlane:Yes, we are not experts. I fault you much. And for genuine help, but for any of Lifestyle Emmas, please use proper channels. There's a link on our Instagram to start you off and that's at wangingon where you can find, you know, proper people.

37:19Graham Norton:At Wanging On with Graham Maria is a listen production and you can bet your bottom dollar we'll be back next week with a vengeance. Till then, goodbye.