Born With No Limbs: I Didn't Want To Be Their Poster Child! Briel Adams-Wheatley

28:32We've talked about some of the bad, right, in terms of how you felt, your identity. What was the good that was happening to you during that time? I had a lot of really cool experiences that I am really grateful for because of having a disability. It gave me a lot of chances to do things that kids my age or my siblings didn't get to do. I was constantly getting free gifts. I was constantly getting invited to events for free. I was constantly getting invited to front row things. And I mean, sometimes my siblings were reaping the rewards of that also, which was nice because then we could share those experiences and they didn't feel as left out.

29:15But I know for my brother, who's the same age as me, for the longest time, he felt like he was living within my shadow. And I, for the longest time, I mean, even still to this day, I feel bad about that. because he really was a really, really, really good brother to me. And he was the only brother that would stand up for me. And he was the only brother that was there when other kids were being mean to me. Or he'd go to parties so that I could go to the parties and not feel left out. And so there were a lot of really good things, despite things that I was feeling mentally and emotionally internally going on.

29:55Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see that there was a real love that you had for your brother. And I could see the light and the shade that came with early life for you. I'm curious about, because I was reading about even you learning to swim. And I was, matter of fact, I'll tell you what was happening. He says, I was reading about you learning to swim. And I was sitting next to my wife. And my wife said, if I was her mother, she probably never would have learned to swim. And that's why I was saying there's nobody built like my mom. Because she saw what I was physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually capable of doing, despite what everyone said to her.

30:52and the things that were said or the feelings that were said towards her and how she treated me, she still made sure that I am the person I am today. Yeah, yeah. So how did your parents teach you to swim? Honestly, we showed up at the pool one day, and my dad just threw me in. And he's like, okay, swim. And I just sank to the bottom. And then finally, after a minute, he jumps in after me, and he's like, okay, well, if you want to go to the pool, you're going to have to learn how to swim. and so we spent probably two and a half years going to the pool every summer and we started with learning how to float and making sure that I could roll myself over underwater and everything or when I would jump in the water I'd have to make sure that I was ready to come up with my face first instead of my butt first so that then I could get air and then we learned how to propel myself through the water and so my dad just taught me how to swim kind of like a dolphin just up and down, up and down, up and down.

31:51Yeah. I mean, that's tough love in action. You know, I honestly, Brielle, I don't know how I feel about that. And I'm saying it where I see the result of it. Maybe I'm just not built that way as a parent to just throw my child in the water knowing they're going to sink and and and but i can see your appreciation definitely for it um and at the end of this conversation my wife then pulls up a video of you swimming honestly you're a better swimmer than me you know a much better swimmer and so the result is there you know the result is there during this time period i understand that you were a dancer yes okay all right so tell me about you and becoming a dancer so it all started in the seventh grade i was once again just trying to find my own independence my own voice and so one day i saw a flyer of them promoting that there was a talent show audition.

33:12And I was like, I'll do the talent show audition. And then in my head, because I used to talk to myself all the time, I was like, but what am I going to do for the talent show? And I was like, oh, I'll just dance. And so then I choreographed a dance in my head to, what song was it? Apologize. Okay. Okay. Yeah. and I had my cousin go with me and I did the audition and then I got done and I went home and I told my mom and she's like what did you do I was like I danced and she's like no really what did you do though and I was like I danced and she's like okay show me this dance then so I show her the dance and she's just sitting there and I'm like oh what and she's like that was the worst thing I've ever seen.

34:05Wow. I was like, what? Really? And she's like, yeah, we need to clean this up now. And I was like, oh, okay. But it's because my mom had a background in dance too. So she definitely knew what she was talking about. And it really was not the greatest dance. All right. So she was telling the truth. Yeah, she was telling the truth. That's the one thing that I do love about my mom. She said to me, you don't want people to applause you just because you're handicapped. You want them to stand up and applause you because you actually put in the effort and it's good you should never just get a stand innovation because you're disabled that's ridiculous and I was like okay you're right I don't want to be applause just because I'm disabled that's not what I want and so we choreographed a whole new dance to Cody Simpson unfriend you because oh no it was grace and chance actually okay I had a crush on Cody Simpson oh you did at the time yes you know so you know cody i saw in that exact i know i saw you had him he was in that exact chair right there i had the fattest crush on cody's i mean i still do sorry to my husband but i do um but it was to grace and chance unfriend you okay and i get done with the dance and i had gotten a standing ovation from everyone all my siblings were there my parents were there and you can see in the youtube video at the very start my mom knowing that i had really bad stage fright and that i was super scared to go out and that i was probably going to forget the dance and so you can see my mom running to the front of all the kids and everything to make sure that she's right there in the very very front sitting on the ground and you can kind of see her head doing the dance with me to make sure that i don't miss anything and when i got it done just Just seeing her face made everything worth it to me because in that moment I knew that she was proud of me because I actually put in the work like she said.

36:04Wow. When you think about the relationship with your mom, how would you define it now? You know, especially reflecting back. I think now she is honestly one of the best people on this earth. regardless of her tough love and everything, she as a person, to let alone have 13 biological children of her own and to have an adopted one with a disability and a husband that didn't make that much money, she somehow made it work and made every child feel loved and seen in some sort of way, capacity. And what do you believe your mother thinks of you? I don't know. I hope she's proud of me. Because I do feel like I did go off the beaten path of what they really wanted for me.

37:01Because I know that they really, really, really wanted me to be that spokesperson. And then for me to go against Dan's road all the way to do what I wanted, I think was a huge slap in the face for them at some point. You know how we could find out what your mom thinks? I have right here a letter that I have not yet read. Okay. That is written by your mom. Cute. Okay. Can I read it to you? Okay. We're going to discover this right now. Okay. Together. I'm like already wanting to cry. Okay. Okay. Dear Brielle, even before you came to be part of our family, God began to whisper to me of the things that you could accomplish.

37:56I know that he wanted you to become the very best that you could be, and he did not want you limited by what I thought you could be. As always, God is far wiser than any human, and I am thankful for the gift God gave me of allowing me to be part of your life. Even with all of the whisperings and ideas that came to me over the years of how to help you, you have blown my expectations out of the water. You've created a beautiful life full of love and happiness and continued growth. You are so inspiring to me. You don't let anyone or anything hold you back. If you think you can do it, then you do.

38:42You don't give up. You just keep trying until you reach your goal. You can do more without arms and legs that many people in this world can do with them. But I think my favorite thing about you is how you handle the constant criticism you face. You see what others do not. You are willing to look past that criticism to see the pain, the hurt, and the suffering that others are going through or have gone through in their lives as a reason for their lashing out. And you are generous in your forgiveness. Brielle, you are brave. Brave enough to face it head on and keep going when people judge you harshly.

39:27I know that this too was a journey of overcoming both mentally and emotionally. And your attitude has been the same with these challenges as it has been with your physical ones. If you think you can do it, you do. You just keep trying until you succeed. I had no idea that social media was even going to be a thing when you came to me at only eight months old. I had no idea that millions of people would watch you, be inspired by you, and learn from you every single day. Keep working at becoming the very best you can be. Keep helping the world to be a better place. Keep inspiring me. I love you. Goodness.

40:20That's cute. Yeah. That was beautiful. You know, it was beautiful. And to me, it articulates very well how much you mean to her. Our sponsor, Huel, sent me something new to try. They're light ramen noodles. I've seen healthy noodles advertised before, but it usually signals that you're about to eat something that tastes like... compromise. But Huel is a brand I love and drink a lot. So if anyone was going to make healthy noodles that I'd enjoy, it's going to be them. Let's get into this. It does smell great. Hold on. Genuinely, it's good. It's light, but still filling somehow. And each pot has under 230 calories with with 25 grams of protein, vitamin C, B12, iron, magnesium, high fiber, and 26 vitamins and minerals.

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41:52Now, you said it was 21 that you came out. I came out at 20. 20. Publicly. Publicly. Okay. So even that decision, can we talk about that? That must have been challenging. you were also a practicing Mormon at that time. How were you able to get to that place where you were able to come out? Well, flash forward a year before that when I was 19, I was still going to church because I was living with my parents. And the way that the church was working when I was still going, you would have Sunday school, and then you'd have a testimony meeting and sacrament, and then you would have young men's young women's really studying but um i had just gone to my two classes i had already gone to sunday school and i had already gone to sacrament meeting okay so for me i was like i've done my time it's time for me to go because if i go into young men's they're trying to tell me i need to go serve a mission or i need to get ready to go to the young single adult's ward and find me a wife and get married and i knew that's not what i wanted that's not what I was going to do.

43:05I wasn't going to trap someone into a marriage, let alone have a family with them and create even more problems, not only for myself, but for them, let alone children. So I was like, no, I'm not playing this game. I'll go do my time. And then I'm leaving. Well, my mom, she sees me leaving. And she's like, where are you going? And I was like, home. And she gets up close and she whispers in my ear and she's like, well, I think you should pray about it. And I I lost it. I still left. And then on my way home, I sent her a text and I was like, I'm gay. I've always been gay. You know I've been gay. I'm done hiding it.

43:45If you want a relationship with me after I move out, that is up to you. But here from this moment on, if we don't have a relationship, it's because you chose not to have one with me because you don't like that I'm gay. You taught me my entire life to be myself and to be true to myself. But the second I try and do that, you try to double down and tell me that I'm damning myself to hell. Also, you're not God. You don't get to damn me anywhere. He will do that at my last days, not you. Live, laugh, love you. And I go home and it's tense in the house and she comes home, She's sobbing. And next morning she comes into my room and still been sobbing.

44:29And she says, can we talk? And I was like, yeah, sure. And she's like, I just want to say I'm sorry. And I was like, it's OK. And she's like, no, it's not OK. I don't know how I could have been so oblivious to the way that I'd been making you feel all these years, putting this pressure on you to be someone that you're not. I want you to know that if you decide to marry a man, I want to be at your wedding. If you decide to have a family with a man, I want to be the grandmother of those children. If you decide to live your life gay and proud, I still want to be in your life. Please do not kick me out.

45:06I love you and I'm sorry. Clean slate from then on. My dad comes in 10 to 15 minutes later, pretty much the same spiel, but from my dad. He doesn't understand it. but he wants to understand me moving forward. He gave a speech at my wedding. It drove half of my siblings crazy because they're like, how is he giving a speech at your wedding when for so long he was so against you being gay? And I was like, it's not about that. It's the fact that he was even willing to come to the wedding, let alone speak at the wedding. What do you think caused your parents to make such a quick U-turn on their stance?

45:48I think a part of them was probably worried that I was going to get onto some stage and say that my parents no longer support me and that that would crush and ruin the whole image and everything that we had built all these years. That's so incredibly sad to me. because what I hear you saying is that they it was a performative acknowledgement of your identity and and maybe it wasn't I don't know true but that's how it came off true I mean this is your story Brielle you know and it's what you remember through your experience and that to me is what, that's what I'm feeling. In the moment, is that how you felt in the moment?

46:51Definitely in the moment. Now, no. Okay. Now I know 100%. They fully love me. They accept me. They love my marriage and they love where I'm at in life regardless the stage, the publicity, the social media. They could care less. They just want to see me happy. But now with you then telling them, then was it a year later that you then publicly came out? Okay. And you came out on, was it, you said Facebook? Everything. Oh, across social media. Okay. Okay. So I know a concern that your parents had at least is that if you were to come out, it would negatively impact your motivational speaking career.

47:41Did it? No, I was still fine. It was up until Curl Dread. Okay. One thing that is really sitting with me is earlier in the conversation, you said, I don't even consider myself motivational. So you were giving these motivational talks, but you didn't believe that you yourself were motivational. I would black out the second the curtains would open or I'd have to go out on stage and I would just do what I was trained to do. And then I would get off the stage and I would start hyperventilating, but then I'd have to turn it right back on to do the meet and greets. and there was one time I was here in California in San Diego with my dad and we had just got done doing a big conference it was in front of 10 ,000 people and I was doing my meet and greet and this guy comes up to me and he whispers in my ear and he says I feel like there's something you're not being honest about and I was like what do you mean okay and then he's like I just don't feel like you're being yourself and I feel like you're lying about something and I was like the mask is slipping they know they know and that was before I had even come out publicly Right.

49:11Right. So that incident right there had already ruined public speaking for me because I was like, my mask is already slipping. It's only a matter of time before they actually see him. Yeah. Yeah. What also, too, is so this was you said that happened when you were 18, 19. So that's before you've come out. So also before you come out, what do you consider your identity to be? Because I say that our identity is the story that we tell about ourselves. And I feel like many of us right around that 18, 19, we're really trying to figure that out. What was your identity at that age? Who were you? If I were to meet you at 18, and I said, tell me, who are you?

50:01What would you have said? I probably would have given you the fakest persona of myself I possibly could to protect myself at that time and made you believe the whole story and I for the longest time would look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day and not even know who I was looking at because I didn't even like who I was or who I was putting on to be I don't even know what I was putting on at that time because I just didn't even know. I just was doing what I was told and what I was trained to do. I saw photos of you roughly at that age, and you always had a massive smile on your face.

50:49So was that a lie? Yeah. And my brother Landon would call me out for it all the time and be like, your smile is so fake. You look so fake when you smile. own. But it's because I was performing. Yeah. And so what you were trained to do, so who was it that had trained you? It was what between, was it your parents and the church? Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. And then also, and I'm just so fascinated by the motivational speaker and you not believing you're motivational. What were you saying on stage? What was your spiel? I would tell my beginning story and I would come out on stage in the very beginning I'd come out and I'd fall over on stage and the audience would be like oh my gosh and then I would say sometimes in life we fall down but we have to decide to get back up and then I would stand up and then the audience would oh my gosh and then I'd go into my story of how my mom got me and then I would talk about the bullying in junior high and that in life it's hard but we've got to figure out who we are and that's where dance came in for me and then I would do a dance but my talk was written informing by somebody else too.

52:19And you gave the same talk over and over and over. How many times do you think you gave that talk?

52:30Dozen million times. Yeah. Like if I really sit down, I could literally do it off the top of my butt I had right now. I see. You said it was written for you. Did your father write that for you? My dad wrote it with another person. I see it. And now I understand even more when you said that you would black out because you know you're getting ready to go into this spiel that you don't want to give, that you have to give. I didn't even realize that you're dancing on stage. Did it feel humiliating at all to go through that? The talking part, yes. doing the dance no because that was 100 % mean and that's what I loved and that's what I wanted at the time and I fought to get that into the speech and everything and make it more engaging and a chance for me to kind of take a break from being at the pulpit and do something that I can actually speak to but through movement I see and that allowed you to tap into a passion so you were dancing in front of thousands.

53:45Yeah. And I really, really thought that I was going to be doing it till the day I died. Pretty much. I'd watch 65-year-old men get up on stage and do their spiel. And I would see them two months before and it was the same speech. I'm like, is this really what I have to live for? I don't want to keep doing this. Please. Please, something. Take this out so I don't want to keep doing it. And then the pandemic happened and I was like, perfect. let's find something else for me to do but then oddly enough I did get on social media and it wasn't to be motivational and prove anything or do anything it was literally just having fun okay I never wanted to be an influencer I still don't claim myself as an influencer it was literally just pulling out my phone one day my sister had been hounding me and this was back when TikTok was called MusicLY.

54:41And so I was like, yeah, I'll post some stupid video on there, I guess. So I posted one. It was Halloween night. And then I think by midnight, the video had had a million views. And I was like, wow, that's weird. That's crazy. And so then I was like, let's keep doing the dancing videos. So I kept doing dancing videos. And then I had met my husband and so I did little cringy content with him when we were dating and then I decided I love makeup I started doing makeup for dance why don't I just do a little get ready with me video and I would only show from the chest up in these get ready speed videos you would have to watch my other video to know that I have no arms legs but if you're just seeing this one get ready with me video I don't show at the very beginning that I had no arms and legs intentionally just randomly just randomly okay because that's what all these other influencers were doing was just going straight into the makeup they didn't have like a hook or a grab or anything at the time i see and so i just went into doing it and all the comments were like why aren't you using your hands why aren't you using your hands and i'm like oh it's because i didn't show in the beginning that i don't have hands or feet so why don't we try doing that with the video.

55:55I do that and it took off. I mean, Brielle, you should brag on this because it really has taken off to a whole nother level. So how, in terms of viewership and following and reach, what's your content getting now? I now have 9 million followers across all social media platforms. I get videos well over a million. I just did one for a brand and I got over 130 million views, which is insane. It's insane. Absolutely insane. And it's just a video of me washing my hair. I'm not trying to be motivational or inspiring, but people just see it and they find it motivating and inspiring, which is nice because I'm, in a way, I guess I am still a motivational speaker in a way, but I'm doing it on my terms and in my way.

56:51And I'm not having to do all the speaking and telling a story that was written by somebody else for myself. There you go. There you go. You've written the story now, right? How does it feel to know that your content is resonating and connecting with so many people? Honestly, that's why I keep doing it. I love the messages that I get from other people within the disability community or the LGBTQ plus community or parents of a child within one of those communities. wanting to understand and finding acceptance for their child or within themselves later on in life.

57:41For me, that's what pushes me to keep making the content that I make, no matter how cringy or how funny or stupid it may be. And I love doing that type of content because it's resonating with those people. Yeah. So I would imagine, Brio, there must be a makeup line in this. No. Not for me, no. No? No. I feel like the makeup community is so oversaturated. Okay. That what is there that I'm going to come out with that's so unique and amazing? A lot of people say, well, why don't you come out with something for accessibility? I could do that, but that would only fit a very small, small, small market.

58:25And what I may find accessible for me isn't accessible for the next person. so I don't know what I would love is a makeup collaboration where I come out with like a palette or a lip shade or an eyelash and have my name tied to something like that or be the face of beauty campaign there you go that's my end goal there you go there you go all right that's it that's let's let's put that on the vision board yes all right all right I believe that's going to happen. I hope so. Literally be a dream come true. I put it on my vision board every year. Oh, do you? I do. Have you ever noticed how many of your friends are sitting on great business ideas?

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1:00:09Hey there, we have conversations just like this one every week. So if you haven't already hit subscribe and I'll see you for the next one. I'd love to talk about your fully coming out. Because from what I understand is that the process was you first identifying by being gay. Then it moved. So it was a slower process. Then it was non-binary, right? But can you walk me through that process? but in particular how your family and community responded to you in each of those steps. I always knew I was some form of a girl. I'm not saying God made a mistake on my body. I'm not saying any of that because I don't believe that for myself.

1:01:04I think he put me in a body purposely knowing the trials and tribulations that I go to to make me more stronger for where I am today. that being said I knew that for those around me they didn't think or feel that way about gay people non-binary people or trans people so for me in my way I had to tell myself if I'm gonna be myself at some point I have to string all these people along for these different stages so they can get used to and ready for me to be my actual self. Wow. Okay. So you methodically took everyone on this, all those in your community on this journey with you. Okay. Okay. And what was the reaction at each phase of that, at each stop of the journey?

1:01:59Coming out as gay with my parents was rough because I first came out to them when I was 13 and I had gotten caught having a boyfriend and then it was being told to keep it hush-hush stop acting on it and then it was coming out as non-binary as 22 and then at 23 I fully came out as trans and I had already come out to my husband before we had even gotten married and telling him that I had feelings that I was trans and everything, but making sure that he was okay with it and he didn't feel like he was getting trapped because a lot of people online like to speculate and think that it was after the fact that I waited till we got married that then I could just trap him and pull the wool over his eyes.

1:02:50But that's not what happened. And that's the dumb thing about Sashameda is that people think that they know everything. And so for my husband, he was calling me she or her at home, but then in public and around other family members he was still calling me he him and all this other stuff so it was kind of a mind trick on him sometimes to be like wait where am i who am i around interesting so so he was doing that to protect you among your family and and friends so he knew so he knew so then how did fully when you said look i'm a trans woman to your parents who had such a difficult time with you coming out as gay, what was their reaction?

1:03:42Funny thing is, is that when I came out as trans, like I said, I had told Adam the year before. But when it came to telling everyone, I ripped that Band-Aid off so quick. And I did everyone at once. and so I made a post on Instagram TikTok and it was some sound that was going viral at the time and it was like this is the story of a boy and then the sound like scratches out and then it's like this is the story of a girl and then it's me transitioning and it blew up instantly within my family group chat and publicly my DMs news articles had already started posting about it like 10 minutes after I had posted.

1:04:28I was like, whoa, I was not expecting that, but okay. And honestly, I think since I had cured everyone up for that moment, they'd already seen my content leading up to it. I was already wearing wigs and dresses. It was just a matter of time for me to just state the obvious of what's actually there. Having that reaction, that's much different than the reaction that you got earlier in life. So that was welcomed. Yeah, everybody was more so wondering what I was going to do with my body, if I was going to get surgeries done, if I was going to start hormones, if I was going to grow my hair out, if I was going to do this or this.

1:05:08Now, I've been on hormones for almost three years, and I will say being on those has cleared my mind in a way that I can't even explain. Oh, wow. Like, I feel so more myself confidently. It's insane. And when I don't take it, I go right back into feeling the way that I did before I ever came out as trans. And how would you describe the difference of feeling for you? When I'm on it, I'm so much more happier. I'm more cool, calm, collective. I feel safe. I feel confident. when I'm off of it, I get stuck in my head really easily. I get more depressed, more angry, and more sad. Okay, okay. So hormones have been a life changer for you.

1:06:06Okay, okay. Just a heads up, this next part includes discussion of sexual assault. If you or someone you know needs support, we've included resources in the show notes. Please take care while watching.

1:06:25Can we talk about your dating history? Yeah. Because it's, one is you're smiling. I'm like, my husband needs to wait. Yeah. I mean, this is where we have to tread carefully. Your husband is in the building. Right. So but. If we could go back to the very beginning, when you began to date, right, when you began to, you know, we all experiment when we're younger, what was that like for you? In the seventh grade, I had a boyfriend. And was he the great one? No. But then I went from that boyfriend, then another boyfriend. And then I realized I don't want a boyfriend in person because I'm nervous about being hurt physically.

1:07:24I'd rather be hurt mentally and emotionally by them rather than physically. Can you expand on that? Yeah. So I had been sexually abused before in my life, and I told myself I never wanted it to happen again. And so that's why I moved to dating online exclusively and only online. I've heard you talk about an assault that happened. Was the assault that you're talking about, did it happen in the seventh or eighth grade, where this is a different assault? Different time. This is a different – so I didn't realize that you were assaulted at a young age. Okay. So when you moved online, is this – when you met up with someone, is this when this particular – so you moved online to be safe and you weren't safe at all.

1:08:23Are you open to talking about that moment? Yeah. moment. I mean, you don't have to give us the details, but just what happened in terms of how you went from having a relationship with someone online to so quickly being within physical proximity to them? So I had made my relationships online after being sexually assaulted in the seventh grade by one of my friends at their house. And so after that moment, I was like, yeah, I don't ever want to be anywhere near a man physically again. And so I moved everything to online. We were getting ready to move to St. George. I was a junior in high school. looking more back at the story it definitely was an appropriate relationship this man was a little bit older and I had just thought it was going to be an online relationship so I was like it's fine it's cool when he found out that I was moving to his city he's like we should meet up and I was like uh no I don't think so and then he's like no we should and I was stupid and naive and I went and met up with them and that's when it all happened again.

1:09:47And then it wasn't the last time, it happened several other times with other people. And so I was always on and off again with online relationships. I mean, that's why I met my husband through Tinder is because I was doing on and off again relationships with people online to try and protect myself. Okay. When these assaults that happened, and I didn't realize this has happened multiple times to you. Did you talk to anyone? Did you confide in anyone? Yeah, I would either call one of my friends or talk to one of my sisters about it, but then I would swear them to secrecy and be like, you can't tell anyone.

1:10:30But the one that you heard about on a different podcast, I told my mom about, I think, a few months after it happened. And I even told her, like, you can't say or do anything. Like, what's been done is done. I just want to move past it. And she's like, okay. Okay. Okay. Those assaults. That, I can see how that level of trauma then would push you far away from any type of dating, any type of relationship. What then made you go back, because it was a dating app, right? What made you then go back on to the dating app? Maybe it's just the search for love. Yeah, honestly, I was just searching for someone different and that was going to treat me different.

1:11:29And it really wasn't until I had gone on my first date with my husband that I realized that there are good people out there. And so when I first had met my husband, it was hard for me to accept his kindness and his patience and his love to the point where after two weeks of dating each other consistently, I was the one where I was like, I need a break from you. Oh, wow. And he's like, what? Did I do something wrong? And I was like, no, it's not you. It's me. I need to go do some soul searching with myself on why I have a problem with you treating me so kindly because I'm so used to guys being so disrespectful and disgusting and rude to me that I just don't know how to process this right now.

1:12:19And then what did you do? Did you just give it space with him? I tried to give it space, but then I told my mom and my sister-in-law that I had done that. And they both were like, are you stupid? You finally have a man that wants to be around you and you're going to tell him you want space? No, he's coming over to dinner tonight. And I was like, oh, okay. And so then he was there. What was it about what he was saying or doing that made you feel like green light, no red light? You know, oh, this is good. Oh, no, no, this is not good. For starters, it was the fact that he wanted to take me on an actual date.

1:13:01Other men would want to, they would say it was a date, but it was really just a ride in their car and then try and get freaky deaky in the backseat or the frontseat of their car. Where with Adam, it was, no, let's go get coffee out in public in the open. Like, I want people to see that I'm on a date with you. and then we can see what happens after that. So I was thinking it was just going to be coffee. But then he's like, no, I'd love to be more of your family since I was living with my brother and my sister-in-law and all their kids. And then my sister-in-law was like, you should stay over for dinner.

1:13:38And so I was like, you don't want to do that to him. Please stop now. Don't scare him away yet. Wow. But he was like, yeah, no, I'd love to. And so then he came in and he was already playing with my nieces and nephews, which was big to me. But most of these people you were dating previously, they wouldn't even want to go on a date, right? Do you think that there was a level of fetishizing? Definitely. Yeah, yeah. How soon did you believe you were in love with Adam? I think I said I loved him after three or four months of dating. Okay. Okay. had you ever experienced a love like that before in your life no so I think also for me to really truly love him probably took a year but I knew that I was in love with him by four months okay at what point did the relationship progress to talk of marriage I think it was probably seven months in.

1:14:46And it was more me, but it's because it's Utah and everybody's married around our age. I mean, Adam was 27 when we got married. So for him in Utah standards, he was a very, very, very late bloomer. We got engaged nine months. Nine months. Okay. Yeah. For anyone watching who has gone through severe trauma, in previous relationships, and they feel as if they can't trust. It's something that they cannot do. What was it about Adam and your relationship with Adam that allowed you to trust again? What's the lesson that you have there? I think for instance, I started wearing makeup a lot more when Adam and I started dating.

1:15:38And one day I had done like a really bold look, and Adam straight up said to me, I don't like that look. And I was like, oh, well, that's too bad because this is my makeup and this is my face and my body and I'm going to do my makeup how I want, not to please you. And then he goes, oh, yeah, you're right. If that's what makes you feel happy and confident, then I'm okay with that. Right there in that moment, I knew that he was going to always have my back, even if he didn't agree with me in the moment. he would somehow get on board with me. Yeah. It's a great story, Bruno. Because it also tells me, too, about his willingness to adapt and adjust and listen all in that one moment.

1:16:27Definitely. I mean, even from our first date, when we had gotten to the coffee shop, it was a coffee shop where you play games. And he just instantly said, I'm not going to do anything for you. You just tell me what you need. so that you're comfortable and i was like perfect i don't want you to just do it for me so i love that and he had already come pre-thought pre-aware and pre-ready yes sometimes people say their wedding day is one of the greatest days of their life all right how was it for you

1:17:01i not gonna lie i kind of blacked out halfway through the wedding not because i was drunk or anything i didn't drink anything i didn't take anything either i was sober but i blacked out on just being so nervous that the day was going to go well. And it went perfectly well. You and Adam, you've been together for how long now? We've been together for six years, coming up on five years of marriage. All right, coming up on five years of marriage. And I understand that there could be another wedding in the cards. Yes, we're actually doing another one in three weeks. Okay, so you're doing another wedding in three weeks.

1:17:38And why are you doing another wedding? We are doing one because I transitioned two years into our other marriage, I should say. Yes. So what are you going to call it? Was it your other marriage? Not even our other marriage. But the first time we got married, I hadn't become my full self to where I am now. Okay. And so we had always talked about redoing our wedding photos. and we kind of were just going to do it, just the two of us, super low key. But then I had said something online and someone's like, no, you've got to do like the whole thing. We want to see everything. Like you need to walk down the aisle again.

1:18:21You need to get your necklace. So, yeah. So you're getting it all again? So we're doing it all again. All right. I like it. You're inviting everyone else back? Yep. Everyone's coming back? Yep. Everyone's coming back. Okay. Okay, all right. I love it. It's literally going to be deja vu, but me in a dress this time. I love it. And it sounds like you probably won't black out this time. No. No, this time everything's going to go smoothly that I don't even need to worry. Yes, yes. Do you know what I have for you? Another letter or a photo? I have... Ready for this? Yes. I have another letter. Oh, yay.

1:19:00And this is a letter from Adam. Perfect. And I have not read this letter yet. Okay. So we're going to hear about it together. It's like the color of my office that he painted. Oh, wow. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that. All right, Brielle, here we go. Okay.

1:19:22Brielle, falling in love with you was the best experience of my life. The second best has been watching the world fall in love with you too. I'm so lucky to be part of your life and feel even luckier to spend the rest of it together. You've changed my life simply by showing me what real strength looks like. Not the loud kind, but the everyday kind. The strength to be vulnerable, to reinvent yourself, to keep loving people after being misunderstood, and to walk into rooms exactly as you are without apologizing for it. I think one of the most beautiful things about you is that through your actions, the social media posts, you give people permission to believe there's still space for them in this world.

1:20:15Whether they're different, insecure, struggling, or trying to figure themselves out, they see you and feel. Just imagine how much more strongly you've done that for me in person as your husband. I've watched you choose courage over fear again and again, and I've been part of the hardest moments you didn't share with the world. You taught me what authenticity really looks like, and that changing your mind and growing isn't abandoning or rejecting your past. It's accepting it as a part of who you are. I'm endlessly proud of the life you've built and the impact you've had on so many people. But more than anything, I'm grateful that I get to experience those quieter moments with you.

1:21:07The laughter at home, the late night reality TV, the boring daily routines nobody else sees, those are my favorite parts of you. The impact you've had on my life is impossible to fully explain. You've made me a better partner, a better listener, and a better person. You've taught me to laugh louder, care less about what other people think, and live more honestly. I'm endlessly proud of you. And no matter how many people know your name, I'll always feel lucky that I have the whole you. I love you Rat Boy That's his nickname Did you give that to him? I did

1:21:59How did he come up with Rat Boy? Because I call our dogs Rat Girls And he's always with them So I'd always say Rat Girls and Rat Boy And he's just my Rat Boy He's just your Rat Boy What did you think of that letter? It was really cute. I love them so much. Yes, yes. I see. It's interesting. He mentioned there how many people you touch in the world, right? Do you feel like this is what you were put on earth to do? Definitely. I mean, going back to the Mormon church, we get a thing called a patriarchal blessing. it's something that you have to be somewhat worthy to receive and wanting and willing to receive and you go in and get it by a man you've never met he doesn't know you you don't know him and he lays his hands on your head and says a blessing that comes straight from God and in mine, within the first few paragraphs, it says that I full willingly knew what life I had signed up for before I came down to this earth, knowing all of the things that I would have to deal with in this body, and I still said yes because I was willing.

1:23:24So currently, are you a practicing Mormon? No. No. I feel like church is wherever you are and whatever you make church to be. At what point in your life do you then walk away from Mormon faith? I walked away at 19. I'll still go if my parents are giving a talk or a niece or a nephew is getting baptized or if there's a wedding. It's not that I have a problem with the church. I feel like the church has a problem with me. And so I have just distanced myself for my safety and for my own standpoint that it doesn't create conflict. Okay. You live in Salt Lake City currently. And you, I mean, you know, you're everywhere in terms of social media.

1:24:24what do you aspire for the next chapter of your life i would love to be a parent at some point it's my dream i would also love to write a book by the time i'm 30 okay 27 right now so time is ticking yes yeah i know i say i don't like being a motivational speaker but i do want to keep being visible enough that people are still learning and seeing and feeling something when they see me so that then when maybe someone else who looks like me comes into their path, they can be more thoughtful. So here's what I find to be so interesting about your story, right, and you, is that you are someone who the world, I feel, is if the world has its currently structured, it's not structured for.

1:25:27Definitely not. Right? And you've come in and you've said, you know what? I'm going to make a way. I'm going to create a way, right? And by creating a way, you've become incredibly inspiring to many people. Do you see that then as motivational? Definitely, yeah. Okay. So you do see... I definitely see it. I just don't want to believe it sometimes for myself. Why is that? I don't know. I think it's just because to me, it's just my life. I feel like I'm just doing what anybody else hopefully would do if they were in my situation. I've been outside of the States now for the U.S. for eight years. But I mean, I was born here.

1:26:20I have family here. I keep coming back. When you think about even the political climate now, being a trans woman in the United States of America today, right what do you believe tomorrow will look like for you

1:26:46honestly that's a really scary question because I don't know I just have to have faith in knowing that there's people around me that are willing to help stand up and what's right because what's going on in the world is not right for anyone no matter what community you're in it's not right for anyone it's not safe it's not enjoyable nobody is winning and everyone is suffering and together we have to stand up together no matter what you believe about the other person we all need to step in together otherwise nobody's gonna win yeah i remember growing up in um in new york and i remember being in fear of different things.

1:27:36And it was when we moved from the city of New York to Long Island was when I was first confronted with what I would call a very severe level of racism. And it was the first time that I became fearful of being somewhere because of my race. right um and as i got older i thought you know what that's the past that's like that'll that won't happen like things will just get better right and for a while it felt to me felt like things were were getting better and if i could go back and tell myself of what today the day and age that we live in, what people are experiencing, I wouldn't have believed it.

1:28:32Because to me, it feels like not only have we not progressed, but we have regressed in so many areas. And so do you have any level of hope about the future? Yeah, definitely. I feel like any time in life, you have to hit rock bottom in order to grow up. And I feel like right now as society, we're hitting rock bottom. So I think it's just a matter of time before things hopefully start going back up. Okay. Okay. I hope so because I want to bring children into this world and I don't want to bring them into something that's going on right now. Okay. Okay. What would you say to anyone who is currently struggling with gender identity?

1:29:23I would just say I hope you have someone around you. that you can confide in because it's not something you should take on your own and it's not something you should have to ever go through alone either. And if not, that there are places out there that are willing and accepting and ready to hear what you have to say and what you're going through and be there for you. So it's about who you're surrounding yourself with, who you feel I was emotionally safe with. And you're not alone. I know you get in your head and you think that you're the only one that feels this way, but you're not. There are so many other people who have or will or did feel the way that you have felt in this very moment and that there are people around ready to help.

1:30:12You just have to look and find. Okay. And do you feel like you are now becoming a voice or you have already become a voice, but almost a voice of refuge and safety for many? I hope so. My DMs are always open too. So if you ever want to reach out to me personally, please reach out. So you're responding to them all? Yeah. I try to for the most part. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I would imagine that feels incredibly rewarding to know that you are a source, that people do reach out to you, where they may not be able to reach out to anyone else. The last question, everyone gets this one, is you think about how many incredible conversations you've had in your life.

1:31:14Which conversation stands out the most? Who was it with and what did you learn? I'd probably have to say with my husband. Okay. I feel like we have lots of good conversations because we spend so much time together. but I think one of our most recent ones that has been really eye-opening for me would probably be the one that we have pretty often actually and that's what we always talk about if one of us dies what would we do and I think my favorite thing that he says that he would do if I were to die before him is he would turn me into a necklace and into a diamond necklace and wear me with him every day of his life moving forward.

1:32:03I think my lesson would probably be just to keep living a impactful relationship with him where our love never fades and moments never go dull and we keep having hard conversations even when we don't want to because in the end it just makes us stronger. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a great lesson. You know, it's one of those where I have written about how the tough conversations help to increase the quality of our life. And I believe it's because of what you just said. And I always look at the strength of a relationship based on the couple's willingness to have hard conversations. and almost always the couples who are able to have harder conversations are stronger.

1:32:56And I can see that you and Adam, you have, I mean, clearly, you have some very challenging conversations and that shows me why your relationship is so strong and your love is so strong. Yeah. I will end on the one note that you probably don't want me to say at all. And that is how inspiring you are. Thank you. Yeah. And I think that, as you said, deep down, you know it, you feel it, but you just don't want to acknowledge it. But I think it's important for you to acknowledge it because in that way you walk in your truth. And I think that your just mere presence changes lives. and my hope for you is that you're able to have that conversation with your birth mom, right?

1:33:55And you're able to extend her that grace that you open this conversation with. And to me, immediately when you said that, it showed me your level of maturity because I think some people could look at that and say, you know, I would tell her A, B, C, whatever it may be. But the fact that you would immediately tell her, not only do I forgive you, but I'm appreciative, I'm thankful, shows you how evolved you are, right? So you're incredibly, incredibly special. Thank you. And you have to continue to, I think, share your voice and your presence with the world. Sure. Yeah. Brielle thanks so much thank you for being here of course I've learned quite a bit thanks quite a bit one of the things I've learned is I need to learn to swim better like you don't want to see me swimming I'm like you don't want to see it Brielle incredible incredible human being I know she doesn't want to be titled as inspirational or motivational or aspirational or instructional, but I see her as all of the above and more.

1:35:18And I think it goes back to the conversation we had with Dr. Amir Levine, where he talked about attachment style and how secure partners heal us. I can see that's, you know, I would suspect a lot of that happened with Brielle's relationship with Adam, where she was healed through his love. And when I say his love, like his consistency, he drove her from Salt Lake City 10 hours here specifically for this conversation. They're about to jump in a car tomorrow and drive 10 hours back. He did that for her. Love is an action. I would only hook up with married straight men. I had a folder of boobs on my phone because it was the only way to protect myself.

1:36:09I didn't want to be gay by any means. You go from the NFL to the Bachelorette. How does that happen? Please welcome Colton Underwood. I always joke that I was bred, not born. Like, my mom was an all-American volleyball player. My dad was an all-American football player. But the NFL want to talk about their wins. They want to talk about stats. They want to talk about jersey sales. Like, they don't want to talk about somebody's sexuality. All of the coaches in my life at some point said something homophobic. Was your father one of those people? Oh, yeah, I was. But The Bachelor was at like an all-time high.

1:36:38I was so naive of like what this show was gonna do to my life. I just needed to get out of there. What happened? The scary part is I had somebody following me and taking pictures. And then that's when the blackmail happened. So it became much easier for me to take more pills, to not have to look that direction. Was it abusing painkiller drugs? Every day, I was taking Xanax during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Meeting Jordan, getting married, having a kid, all of those things change you. But you were on Celebrity Traitors. Yes. And what I understand is that you literally received death threats.

1:37:10What I would say is that is 15 versions of me ago. These blatant lies have to stop. Would you do another reality TV show?