Chloe Ferry Exclusive: Reversing My Surgery - I Should’ve Done Things Differently

36:38Like you just existed. And when I met you, I thought, oh my gosh, she's so incredible. Yeah, I know. And that's what I want people to see. And I'm scared case I can't get this Jodie show stigma. like obviously I love I love how much like it's it's given so much in life and I don't regret it but I want people to see the real authentic me so what did you like what what were you seeing especially on celebs go dating that you felt is closer to the true depiction of you just showing us in like my normal funny bubbly self like my caring ways like with like with jodie they don't really show us in like a caring way like obviously like I wasn't really drinking as well I think we were like one percent all night which was freaking hard and they just showed us like my true caring self yes and I just and I loved it yes yes and part of your thought now is you you because you said this twice so I have to go back to it is that you said okay you're entering your 30s yes I've got like nine months I think until my birthday it's my final year of my 20s so this is where I'm like I want to work on myself I want inner peace and I want to love myself again so that's why I'm really just doing as much I'm on a journey at the minute and I'm feeling it I'm on such a journey and I'm just feeling like all of the emotions um like god he's a happy chance because I just know for a long time like I've knew that there's been something up but like to like make myself feel okay I've just put it at the back of my head but you can't do that forever so I'm on like such a like a journey I'm up I'm down I'm trying to discover what I like again like I'm I'm attaching myself to nature and just like all these different things that I would never normally do like I'm saying like a therapist like I'm just doing as much as I can just so I can like feel good before we 30th yes yes and I love this for you yeah I didn't know I love it for myself yes what what changed what was the moment or event that happened to make you more self-reflective because there's so many people watching listening right now who feel lost you know they feel lost um and they they're trying to find the motivation to start self-exploration what was it for you what made you change I think my main thing is that I just didn't love myself anymore like I looked in the mirror and I was like who who are you like you don't even you've got so much work done and you're just not even yourself anymore and I thought you know what it is like I'm 30 soon and I need to get back to being myself and that's why I decided I thought my bum it just my bum was absolutely massive so I thought I'm gonna get my bum reversed and I thought this is gonna be a step in the right direction to actually be and start looking like the old Chloe again.

39:24Start looking like the old Chloe? Chloe that's what I want to I just want to be the old Chloe that's all I want. Can I show you something? Yeah go on then. This blew me away. You ready for this? Yes I'm ready for it but I'm nervous. All right, I want you to take a look. I want you to tell me what you see. Okay, take a look at these photos. So...

39:50This is when I thought I was so gorgeous.

39:56What do you see? So beautiful.

40:03I see, like, I think I look gorgeous. I'm so skinny. No arse, which I want. I think I look beautiful, Paul. Yes. I'm so happy as well. There you go. Were you ice skating then? I was skating then, yeah. And I had my normal team. Yep. My normal team. A bit yellow-like. Could do with a dental strip. Yeah. Yeah, so beautiful. Okay, okay. I thought that would be a powerful reminder of, it's interesting how our past sometimes becomes our future. Yeah. And how that was the past, but you're trying to actually get back there. Yeah, I want to just get back there. I want to be here again. And I will. Yes.

40:57I'm just going through it at the minute. And I'm going to get there because I'll tell you one thing about me. If I want something, I get it. Yes. I'm a very strong individual. And like my therapist said, you just need to be patient. Go through all of these feelings and these fucking emotions because you're going to go through it. Yes. And I'm going through it. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I adore these photos. I do. I love them. Yeah, I adore these photos. You know, can we talk about the surgeries? Yes. You've been open about the surgeries. And this is one where I think it's incredibly important because we're seeing a massive increase in the amount of surgeries that everyone's getting, but in particular, young women are getting.

41:42Because we see the averages roughly between the ages of 19 and 40. So at 19. That's how old I was, 19. All right. So I have a list of these. The first you mentioned is there were comments around breasts. so you thought okay I'm going to get breast implants so immediately you went out got like I got an uplift okay I got an uplift because and um because obviously people were saying that my boobs were saggy okay so you got that then you then there's more comments coming in more comments yeah and it was just constantly about my looks and this is like the society that we're living because it was never good never you've got a nice heart or you're beautiful it was always negative about my appearance yes so so then from there rhinoplasty yeah nose job liposuction let's say like a bbl so a bbl is basically fat transfer where they take the fat from your stomach and put it in your bum because i used to always get told that i had like a flat bum um and like if you think that i woke up and thought that i look good and i was happy about my decisions i was never it was like it's surgery is like such a dark hole this is why i want to like make people away especially if you're young like please please think about getting surgery because like you'll end up like me like I want to go back to that girl that picture I would literally give all my money now my bank just to be that girl again because it is just such a dog hole surgery it's and I was now who was I doing it when press these people that I'm never going to meet these people aren't paying me bills and it wasn't making me happy and then also the danger of it so So let's look at BBLs for a second because the cost, okay, the cost for a BBL in the UK averages around 7 ,500 pounds.

43:29But in Turkey, 2 ,600 pounds. However, the risk of death in BBL surgery is 10 times higher than other cosmetic surgeries. So you think about how incredibly dangerous it is. so what exactly is a BBL and why do you think it's so it's so dangerous I didn't go into like when I was getting this work done I didn't think about like how dangerous it was I think I was just in such a negative mindset about myself that at this point because I was looking for perfection in myself and all these comments we're getting to is I would have went to any extreme to make myself feel better so I didn't actually think as a young girl that the dangers of how bad it can be like it can be like life threatening but at this age and this sort of mindset that I was in I did not care because I was just had so much like my self-esteem I just wanted like all these comments to go away and I thought that getting all this work done to improve myself would actually help it but in fact it made it a lot worse for us all right so so what so what what is the procedure because you said it's removal of the remove the fat and then any fat that they've got and they put it in your bum and like your hips to give you that like hourglass figure okay and I was never I was always petite I had such a petite frame all right so when you got your BBL did you say okay I wanted to look like this or this person over here or you just said doctor just just do it yeah just do it I wasn't even fit I wasn't even thinking I just I didn't even say I wanted this I just said just do it that's that's all it was I didn't have time to think because I was in such a like a bad frame of mind that i just just want to just do it just make us look perfect i want to be perfect okay but i never felt perfect i never i look i would look in the mirror and think like i feel like i actually used to get told off my friends and my family you've got body dysmorphia and i was like no i want more i want more things done all right and then you continued to get more so at least on here so uh uh lip fillers uh dermal cheek fillers veneers yeah so every time you're doing a procedure you're just saying doctor get this done you get it done you look in the mirror and you and you think what what why have i done it i don't feel better you never felt better at it from any of those procedures no just thought it's still ugly still was so I'd look in the mirror and say well that's next I was pinpointing stuff about myself and I never like before I got on tv I never ever did that I had so much self-love but I was going I thought I was give god I should wow so what about let's look at your instagram for example because your Instagram at one point is full of shots of body shots.

46:26Yeah. You, you know. Yeah, I was living it up, yeah. Throwing the butt out, you know. So when you look at those photos, what do you think? Not confident at all. Not at all. Not one bit of confidence. And that's why you should never judge a book by a discover because you never actually know what someone's actually going through. See, I never would have thought that. Never, never. yeah i was going i was going through it like i hated myself never felt pretty no self-esteem at all and that's why i've started to be a lot more transparent on my instagram about obviously like surgeries and like all the lumps and bumps were happening in my body and like like i feel like now because i'm entering this new era and i'm on this journey like beauty comes within and i've like i've realized that it does not matter what you look like at all and that's why i'm just doing like so much to myself and self-love because i just want to be i want to feel normal again I'm so far away from where I want to be to that picture that you showed is but I know I'm going to get there yes yes going back to the see I never ever would have thought that you were not proud of at least the BBL no I felt like that was like that was part of what you were known for and when I look at the press typically this is what you see on the presses you'll see you'll see you in you know a bikini etc so there was you're saying there is no point where you felt comfortable happy with any of those procedures the bbl was definitely the biggest mistake out of all the surgeries that i got the biggest mistake and why is that just it i looked like i didn't look normal i didn't look everything was just it i just my body shape wasn't me that's what made us look totally different was my BBL.

48:17And I was known for, I don't want to be known for having a big arse. I don't want to be known for a BBL. I want to be known for Chloe being amazing and down to earth and having a good heart. I don't want to be known for having a big arse. Okay. So now at what point do you decide that you want to reverse the BBL? When I was looking in the mirror and I just thought, I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know who you are. you nothing like the girl that first walked in that jolly show house and like and like i said it's my final years of being in my 20s and i really want to just be back to my normal self i think like self-love starting by loving yourself and looking in the mirror i didn't okay all right so because this is that is this isn't me like me breast my bum doesn't define who i am and i think a constant reminder every day you look in the mirror don't you every day and that's just day yes so every day you're looking at yourself in the mirror now what about the risk because we just talked about the risk of having a bbl done 10 times higher than the average cosmetic surgery so having the reversal of it is also extremely dangerous so did you contemplate that did you did you think about the risk yeah obviously i thought about the risk but the person i did a lot of research like the the doctor that i went to has done so many and a lot of people that have come from turkey and who've had botched jobs so obviously i did think i think about it for a very very long time and the main thing that i did i sat with me thoughts which i want to get across like if any younger girls are thinking about getting surgery don't just go ahead with it don't just straight away go like think sit with your thoughts talk to your friends talk to your family do your research that's the main thing and so when i did finally come to the decision i just know this is this is like on the path this is where I want to go this is the journey that I'm this is like the start of it yes so you decide to get it done do you are you all thinking what the impact is going to be well I wasn't even going to go public about it to be honest because some people were saying go public and some people said like don't but I've what I love about myself is that I've always been very transparent with my audience so like a lot of people in the public eye like if they get something done they don't ever like tell anyone about about sorry excuse me so a lot of people who are in the public eye don't really like tell it tell about it but i thought to be honest like i've always had like i've always been transparent with my audience and i thought i feel like this will open a new kind of worms for us i'm gonna like look i've made a mistake i hold my hands up i'm getting it reversed and i want to just go back to being normal like surgery isn't everything like i think like a lot of people search for clarification and search of beauty in surgery when beauty actually generally comes within yes it does a hundred percent it does it does like your aura like your energy like your personality like that's where your beauty comes from yes I also think what's what's very important and this is more so about self-esteem and I see this is where you're moving is that you no longer need external validation right so the moment that you realize I'm comfortable in who I am and I'm comfortable in other people being uncomfortable with who I am.

51:27And that I'm okay with. And if I'm okay with that, typically means I have a higher self-esteem. And it seems like you're moving to a place where you are comfortable with people being uncomfortable with who you are. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that's where I want to get. I feel like I'm, I'm such a people pleaser and I have been for a very, very long time. I feel uncomfortable in certain situations and stuff. And that's the main thing that I want to achieve. Yes, but you're achieving it. And I think this journey that you're on, do you realize how proud people who love you are about this journey that you're on?

52:04No, yeah, I've actually been reading some of the comments and everyone's been lovely. I think everyone's just like basically, everyone's been saying like, thank you for being so honest. Because a lot of people struggle with obviously like self-esteem mental health and i think it's so good that i can actually be transparent with my audience and people be like good because i'm just so used to be getting negative and how ugly i am how much surgery so it's actually so refreshing and nice to actually have people be like chloe like this is amazing we'll love this vulnerable side which i've hid for so long because i've had a mask on for so long i've been trying to chase like this person who i'm not for so long now so like it's like fuck i need i'm starting to be comfortable like in my own skin Yes.

52:43So someone left us a message to tell us how proud they are of you. Oh, me? Is it who? Ready to hear it? Go ahead. All right. Listen to this. Hi, Chloe. It's your mom here. And I know you're filming right now. But I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for going on this journey and making this decision to speak out about this chapter in your life. of being easy and to help other young women are going through the same thing I've watched you grow from a young girl into a woman and I'm so proud of everything that I have achieved just carry on being you love you loads and have a lovely night

53:34that hit deep it hit deep and I just feel like I want to do this all for me mam because like obviously it was a struggle for me but it must have been a struggle for me mam like saying it's broken and like getting all these surgeries like because obviously her era surgery wasn't really a thing it would have been hard for her to watch her daughter like not feeling self-worth or not feeling pretty I just want to like make me mam proud that's the main thing I want to give me mam the most amazing life but before that I want to just like fix myself Right, but it's also important for you to know that she's already proud of you Listen, listen, I know, I know I need to hear that, I need to hear that today Yeah, that's very important You know, when we're in the moment of change you know, it's important to know those who love us regardless of the change I know That's unconditional love Yeah And one thing that's very clear is that your mother unconditionally loves you I know I just don't know where I'd be without my mom.

54:36I do. I love her so much. Yeah. You can see that. And that's why this change that you're going through, know that she already loves you. So this change that you're going through is for you. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I just can't wait. Obviously, I know I'm crying a lot, but I'm like, it's happy to you. Because, you know, the main thing I think about a person is when you just go, you know what it is? I'm broken. And I'm going to fix myself. but when you've like hit it for so long and like me I've put it at the back of my head but now it's like a step in the right direction because it's like listen I hold my hands up I'm not 100 % yourself but I'm going to get there and that's why I'm just like I'm happy about it because I know I'm on the right direction yes yeah I mean without question you are you know and you're taking bold steps yeah to further yourself you know on that journey every episode of this podcast comes to life with the help of Adobe Express the quick and easy create anything app from Adobe, even if you don't have any design experience.

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56:49Because that pressure to get it right can really take the fun away. Let it go and see where your next date takes you. Whether it leads to a new friend, an entertaining story to add to the plot, or the start of something special, Tinder is designed for every type of connection. Wherever it takes you, it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today and see where your next date might lead. You know, the one part that we haven't talked about that definitely impacts our psyche, our self-esteem, our self-worth, are the relationships that we have. All right. So can we talk about Chloe? and the relationships that Chloe has had.

57:30And we don't have to name names. But I'm thinking that you mentioned that you were in your teens, late teens, when you started to, you know, have boyfriends. Yeah. which some people say is young some people say is not is is actually is actually not young but when you think about your experiences on tv those played out in front of many people how hard was it to maintain relationships to leave relationships what did you learn about yourself through the relationships that you had since uh geordie shore i think when i was like a lot younger like the mindset that i'm in now if anything like if my partner or a new partner was to ever fuck me over or i was to ever get a feeling you'd be gone straight away like i'm so mentally strong with like if it's a friendship and whether it's a boyfriend and i'm so like if your fuck is over you're gone now and that's shut.

58:36But back in the day, like, it was hard because if you think about it, we were living in a house and your ex-partner was there or your current boyfriend and there was loads of, like, drink involved and stuff. And, like, when you argue with a partner and stuff and you had to live with them or you've seen them obviously kissing another girl, it's just, it's like, you wouldn't ever go and live with your ex with you now and, like, it's so hard and especially when you're young because you don't really understand it. Like, when you break up with someone, you go your separate ways, you don't actually live in a house together.

59:02This is true. This is true. So you're saying that was an unnatural environment? Very unnatural environment, yeah. All right. But what you've learned is the moment that someone wrongs you, you're gone. You're gone now, yeah. And I never used to be like that. Never, yeah. Straight away. I am, like, my mindset at the minute is so strong. Like, whether it's a friendship or a boyfriend, like, if you do me wrong, you're gone and you're not getting back in. Okay. Which is fair. when we first met 2020 when we first met you were experimenting yes I'd say you were experimenting yeah I got a lot of dates didn't I loads of dates I was a lucky woman I was a very lucky woman very lucky or maybe they were lucky lucky but we were all lucky yeah yeah so you were dating boys and girls yes at that time so can we talk about that for a second so at what age did you begin to explore relationships with girls?

1:00:01I think I was always more into men, but, like, when I was younger, I used to, like, kiss my friends on a night out. Like, a lot of girls do that. Well, I think a lot of girls do that, but I used to kiss my friends on a night out, and I thought, oh, could this be more? But I always knew in the back of my head that I was always more into men. But, like, I used to look at girls and think, God, they're attractive. Like, ooh, that's my type, to be honest. It was more like a... More of an experiment. But, like, I know now that I'm, like, an older woman. and like I know that I'm 100 % straight. Okay, okay.

1:00:29So you're straight. You're currently in a relationship. Okay. What do you think the future holds for you and relationships? And when I say that is that, do you feel like you will be married one day? 100%. I know like what a lot of people won't know about me. I know I was put on this earth to be a man. I have got such like motherly instance. I'm so maternal. When I'm around my friends' kids or my nieces and my nephew, they always gravitate towards this because I'm so good at parenting. My ideal, I've got my kind of lifeline in my head, all mapped out. So this next two years, I want to really live my life.

1:01:11Really just go travelling, just do what I want to do, soul searching. And after that, I want to have 10 kids. I want to have 10 kids. I cannot wait. You know that I scroll down social media and I'll see like someone giving birth or like it's a baby's first birthday. And my heart sinks. I cry emotionally because I just can't wait to have that feeling. OK. I can't wait. So you're going to have one child every year from 32. Yeah. You're going to be like 42, 43 with the last child. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'll say 10. Let's say three. Well, three, yeah, ideally. What do you think it is that why do you want so many children?

1:01:51I just feel like there's nothing better when you see, like, kids when they've got, like, brothers and sisters and all the siblings. I just want a big family. You know when you see all them families at Christmas and there's loads of them sat around the table. I want to, like, look at me kids. I just want to be so proud of them. I want so many kids. Like, kids, like, they make us happy. Wow, wow. All right, so you want children, lots of children. I want to be married and a happy marriage. And you want to be married. Now, a lot of people today say, ah, we don't need the marriage. We can have kids without the marriage.

1:02:22Why is marriage so important to you? Because I want the wedding. I want the cake. I want the drink. No, I'm joking. Marriage, I think it's just like, it's a big, big commitment, isn't it? I think marriage is one of the most important things. A lot of people say they don't need it, but personally, I would love to be married. I would love to have my kids walk down the aisle. And it's like, it's the kind of a thing where you're like, right, this is the cutoff point. This is me and you forever. So marriage to me is quite important. Definitely want to be married, yeah. but I want to have my kids first before my marriage.

1:02:52Interesting. Why is that? Because I want them to walk down the aisle. I want my kids to walk down the aisle. I want my kids to see the mammy get married. Okay. Why is that important? Just because I just feel like it's not just for me and my partner or me and my husband. I feel like it's for them as well to see that. I think life is all about making memories and I think that will be such an amazing memory for your child to see. Okay. All right. This is fair. This is fair. can we talk about Chloe the businesswoman yes got me business um outfit on you look very you look like you were here for business business I am here for business today you are here for business so this is one area that also when I met you I was a little bit shocked on is I didn't realize how many different businesses you were running so right now what is the the Chloe Ferry business portfolio look like so i think my main thing obviously is like my salon i've had my salon now for five years and don't get us wrong on it it's had its ups it's had its down but the thing is about me like when i'm passionate about something and i i'm not a failure and this is coming from my ice skating days i like to succeed like there's been months where i've not took anything from the business i've just put my money in and kept going and going and going but my salon like is my everything it's my passion i go there and i'm i'm so happy about it because I think like, God, how have I done this?

1:04:12I've come from not even being able to afford bread to this. Like we're thinking about getting a bigger salon, like for training academy. So my salon is my absolute passion. I love it. I love going in there. I love like a woman's salon. You wouldn't have been in my one. I don't know, have you? Yeah, don't judge. This is a no judgment. Exactly. Well, you can come to mine. So like when you go to a salon, you get your head and your nails done. It's where you can just go and gossip about your husband or your boyfriend. and like everyone's gossiping. It's like where you can really let your hair down.

1:04:42It's just such a good environment to be in. Like everyone's getting their nails done here. I love making the cups of tea for the punters and stuff like that. Punters, that's a bar. I mean the clients. Yeah, but it's just amazing. A salon, I think what a lot of people don't realise is this is a major business that you are running. Yes. You are the CEO of a business that you've been running successfully for over five years. Yes. I don't know how I've done it because there's been times where I've wanted to give up and quit. Like, really, like, it's took such a toll on my life. But like I said before, it's, I never, ever, ever like to give up.

1:05:19I always want to put, what I actually think back to, I always think back to being that girl who had no money. And I thought, that's not me. Come on, you get one life, you get one opportunity, keep pushing. Because there has been times where I think, put this, I literally, I can't be bothered anymore. It takes so much away from us. But then I'm so happy that I've kept pushing now because the salon is doing the best that it's ever done like we want to expand to different places in england we're going to open a bigger salon the next six months so it's doing really really well wow i love that i love that what what do you feel as if is is your top lesson as not just a ceo but as a ceo who's a woman what is what is your top lesson so i think one of my top lessons definitely i'd say be very very careful who you let in your circle be very careful who you tell stuff to because a a lot of people around you aren't happy for you.

1:06:11Like, a lot of people are very, very jealous. And it can take a massive toll on your life because, like, with business, with friendships, with relationships, just be very careful who your real friends are and watch out for things because there's been plenty of opportunities where people who I fought were my friends and relationships, where they could have ruined us. And that's because I was a bit naive. Because, you know, when you're going through, obviously, a bad time and stuff, and you think, oh, they're so good to you, but you can never say clear. Yes. So just be very, very careful. Okay, this is good.

1:06:38This is good advice. So another area that I'd like to go to is I want to go back to when you were talking about getting the surgeries and you said that you had, I think it was family who said, I think you have body dysmorphia. Okay. The reason why I want to go back to that is because typically if someone does, and do you believe that you did?

1:07:06i don't know because i was never diagnosed with it but i would always look in the mirror and say i look fat i look disgusting i don't look pretty and always and i think i've said it that many times in my head that i've embedded it in my brain now so like for example like if you were to give me a compliment i would always try and change the subject because it makes us feel uncomfortable so i actually said to my friend the other day i said like what do you think my biggest like flowers she went chloe like you can never take a compliment let us say you look beautiful you go oh you fancy me then you'll change the conversation so i think that that is i just i just don't i don't feel like i'm gonna ever feel 100 beautiful again because i've embedded that much in my brain interesting so the photos that we talked about getting back to that's when you felt 100 yeah i felt so i felt go i felt gorgeous then but you don't feel as if you can get back to that I don't feel that I could get 100%.

1:07:59You don't think so? No. But then I'm still on this little journey at the minute. So I still don't feel like 100 % about myself. No. Okay. Okay. So then now this is a massive statement. This is a massive move that you've made where you've had the reduction, should I say, right? You've had the BBL reversed. So you know you're going to get comments. and you know many of them will be complimentary, but some of them could be negative. Of course, yeah. Are you prepared for those negative comments? No, I haven't really prepared myself, to be honest, but what I try and do if it is negative, I just try to scroll past it, because my main worry about coming on this show today, you know, I was very apprehensive, is because, like I said, I'm on this journey at the minute to try and find myself, and I just want to feel beautiful again.

1:08:52And my main thing that I said to my agents, I said, what if, like, I say something and I say, this is why I'm just scared about speaking one-to-one because I'm scared about saying the wrong thing. I said, I'm just a bit scared because I'm on such a journey at the minute that if I say something wrong and this airs and I get a lot of backlash, I said, I'm just going to knock this back. So that's why I was a bit like, fuck, do I do it or do I not? I just don't want to be knocked back because I've come so far now where I've just said, I can't be knocked back. I don't want anything to trigger it. I'm, like, nervous, that's why I'm getting emotional because I'm nervous about what people are going to say because it affects us still.

1:09:26That girl there didn't used to care. She wouldn't care. She could walk into a room and everyone could hate her and she wouldn't be bothered. But this one cares a lot. Yeah, cares, and I don't know why. I don't know why because I never used to. I just get so scared of saying the wrong thing. I think it's very commendable and vulnerable for you to say I'm scared to say the wrong thing and also I think it's very vulnerable to say I don't want to be hurt you know I just don't want to be hurt anymore because it's like you do so much working on yourself which I've done like on this journey and I'm like one one like one thing because I know from the past can just trigger you and just knock you back to start and I just don't want that Yes.

1:10:13Well, and I'm sure you've been told this many times and maybe this will be many times plus one, but it is incredibly important. Like I remember when I got to the UK, I never felt more negative commentary or negative press until I got to the UK. And how did it make you feel? It made me feel so. Initially, I was shocked because I was happy-go-lucky, super proud of what I was doing. I thought what I was doing was great. And to have this negative commentary that first year really pushed me back. But then I surrounded myself with incredible people here. and I would always go to my circle, the people who I loved, the people who I respected, and I would say, what do you think about what I'm doing?

1:11:05They'd say, oh, Paul, what you're doing is great. And I would then only rely and lean on them. On them, advice, yes. And every time I would get commentary that was negative outside of the circle that I respected, I would just, I wouldn't give it the time of day to the point where today now, or should I say now, is that I just released a new book. And this book is, you know, I'm saying a lot of things that are the opposite of what a lot of people believe. And there's a lot of pushback that the book is getting. And you know what? I love it. Yeah. Because I know that the people who love me and respect me will give me the feedback that I truly need.

1:11:52That you need, yeah. And I would say for you, it's so important to surround yourself. And I know that you have people here, some people here, right? Your mother clearly. But you have to surround yourself with people who love you for you regardless and go to them for feedback. And for everyone else, realize that those people, every time you lean on their commentary, you're leaning on their validation and you don't need it. Yeah. You don't need it. Yeah, true. I know. You don't need it. So whenever you get, because you will get, in the rest of your life, you're a young woman. Yeah. Okay? So in the rest of your life, you will have negative commentary.

1:12:34But the more that you surround yourself with those people who love and adore you, the less you will be reliant on everyone else. Yeah. No, that's very true. I need your mindset. That's the mindset that I actually need. You made so much sense there. this is just like therapy isn't it and I love it let's even talk about that because therapy is something that a lot of people would like to do now but find it very challenging to be able to even find a therapist yeah so how did you a know that you needed a therapist and then be how did you go about finding your therapist because my main thing is is when I'm going through a bit of a bad time or struggling I'm always that friend who people come to but I never ever speak to anyone if i'm going through something i'm that person who sits and goes through herself and i feel like one of my main things that i want to work on is actually like being vulnerable and speaking to someone so i'm going to go to this person who i've never met before and just tell her my full story she's no judgment and she tries to get at the root of like i feel like with every single problem for when you're a kid that you know child what's called kid therapy from when you're younger like she does all that just inner child in a child therapy so she's doing all of that for us like Like, my main thing that I want to get off all of this is just to love myself again.

1:13:48That's all I want. So in that work that you're doing, what have you, what has she been doing? And what have you learned? So even when you think back to you being a child, what was some of that work and what did you learn? So my main thing is that, like, I always doubt myself. And I'll always, like, look in the mirror and think, oh, I don't look that nice today and stuff. Like, I'll be very mean to myself. And I just need to give myself a break. The main thing is, if you imagine your younger self standing in front of you, just say you're five years old and you're calling yourself all them names, that hits deep.

1:14:19Once you said that, that really hit us. My younger self, I could have never imagined calling myself any name, so why would I be doing it now? And I think that's going to help a lot of people, that statement. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I know that in the research too, I saw that you felt as if you were going through depression. I did, yeah. How, I mean, depression is a serious word. So why did you feel as if it was depression? I don't know if I want to talk about this. I'm just trying to think how I can sing you. Sorry. Okay. Think on it.

1:15:04I just, I just like, because like with this sort of stuff, I like, I like put it to the back of me head. I've been rock bottom before where I felt like I didn't want to be here. But I just feel like I just want to forget about it. That's how bottom I was. But I just try and just, because I don't want to, I get scared of like going back to that mindset. See, these are things that I don't think people know. I know. I mean, I think, can we spend just a moment on this? And you stop where you want to stop, okay? Is you're on television. You've opened a salon. We see Chloe Ferry on Instagram. We think she has a great life.

1:15:54You just don't judge a book by its cover because you never know what anyone's going through. I would just be, like, really scared to go back to that place again. like I was bottom I was dark it was dark and I just and this is what I mean about like being 100 % myself and vulnerable with you because it's like I'm scared to say the wrong thing because I couldn't go back to feeling like that and this is why I'm trying so hard to work on myself because I don't ever I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through that feeling that I felt but is it the feeling but it was the feeling that was created by others a lot of a lot of things like the way I looked I didn't like myself anymore like relationships I didn't have any self-esteem I didn't have self-worth I didn't have a I didn't have um a purpose I didn't know my purpose that was my main thing okay okay who do you have in your life as your safe place to land I love being home I love that I love being home I love cooking for me mom like that's me safe place feels so confident and comfortable in me home okay and and your mom yeah you go your mom is your rock go have her arguments let us tell you that but I do I love me mama honestly couldn't live without me mom all right small circle of friends small very small very very counting on one finger you've got friends and you've got acquaintances in the tv world a lot of fake people who will just climb it to get where they want to be so so that's something that i wouldn't have guessed about you i would have thought that you had a wide no i used to i used to not now it was tv that did it why so yeah just because like people obviously just use you because they want to get in a club or they want to climb up yet to get where they want to be then they fuck you off and people with me they take me kindness for weakness but if you know it's on a deeper level you would because if you do that to me and I find you out you're gone and you aren't coming back let's just tell you that because I'm because I always think do I change being a nice person do I change but I'm thinking no because this is the way I've been brought up this is and this is me but I feel like selfish like you heard you heard the quote selfish people live longer like is that true because I'm thinking like I feel like I'm always getting fucked over all the time is it because I'm a good person do I need to stop being more strict but I'm thinking well I shouldn't change myself like do you change yourself this is what I'm still trying to work out and you feel like you're still in that zone but one thing is though is if your foot was over now this mindset I'm in you're gone you're not back in you're gone so these are industry industry quote unquote friends alright wow okay these are all new things and I could see how it's all layered on top of each other.

1:18:52So if you don't have the self-esteem, if you feel as if you have no purpose, if you don't feel as if you are safe, you don't have a friendship circle, et cetera, life gets miserable. Yeah. And you're crawling your way out of this. Yeah, yeah. I think the main thing if you're on a journey or if you want growth is cutting toxic people out of your life. You've got to have in your circle people who you trust. because you never know what people's intentions are and which I had for a long time. Didn't know. People were just using us. Yeah, yeah. You know, you walking around Newcastle must be a thing.

1:19:28Everyone must know you. I don't know. I think they do, yeah. Yeah. I don't know, maybe, yeah. Maybe. To be honest, I get quite anxious, you know, like going into like the city centre and stuff. Like busy places, I get a bit anxious because I feel like people are looking and judging us. but I think that I had a massive part of the surgery because I had such a bad backlash off it. So if you walk into a mall... Yeah, I feel a bit anxious. But if I walk into a club and I'm drunk, I don't really care. But if I'm sober, I always go with a hat on because I feel like people are looking and judging us.

1:20:05She looks disgusting, she looks wrang. Does that prevent you from going out? Yeah. On the night time, I'm not as bad because I'm having a drink but like I tend to go to like if I was going shopping I tend to go like a time when no one's really there because you feel as if people are judging yeah looking and judging look at her she looks disgusting what has she done and stuff like that that's you know my I guess my mind has been blown a few times in this because I assumed that you initially thought the procedures looked good no i had no idea that you never thought the procedures looked good at all the comments were always negative so like obviously if i was trying trying to look good sorry if i was trying to feel good obviously putting a picture on social media and then it went in the newspapers it was still always negative so that's why i kept on going so that's why i kept on going because i thought right so my first procedure when i had my boobs done i thought that's it everyone's gonna love us i've had my boobs done but then it continued going spiral down it's like surgery is a dark hole.

1:21:11God. You always want more. Like, what is perfection to you? Like, what is, there's no such thing as perfection at all. But I was trying so hard to be perfection and to make people like us and stuff and, like, stop the comments that I lost myself along the journey. Right. Because I was trying so hard to be something that I wasn't, that I lost myself. Right, right. But at that time, I keep going back, there's no social circle telling you, Chloe, stop. I wouldn't have listened. Or Chloe, slow down. I was, Paul, if people were saying that to us, like, I don't even know who I was talking to about it.

1:21:46I don't even know if I was. I was so just, like, I'm impulsive with my decisions. I was so focused on just getting to that end goal that I wouldn't have even listened to anyone. I just thought, just get it done. Didn't even think about the consequences. Just thought, get that done. Because I want it to just stop. And you'd get it done and nothing. Yeah. But if it was now, because I'm older and I'm, like, more aware of situations, I'd sit back and I'd think, do I really need this done? Pros and the cons, speak to me family about it, sit with me thoughts, do me research. The mindset is totally different to what I was when I was 19.

1:22:1719 years old, you don't really know what you want. You just want to go out and have... As a 19-year-old person, you don't know what you want your career to be. The support is different now. There's psychs. Psychs, yeah. You didn't really have that back in the day. You didn't get a lot of the support, which I think at the time would have been a lot better for us because as a 19-year-old girl and you're sitting, you're waiting for the TV program to come out, you don't expect to get all these negative comments. I wasn't aware that all this was going to happen. Yeah, yeah. So today, there's television obviously, but you see social media.

1:22:51So many people are influencers. Yeah. So many people are trying to monetize their look. So what is your specific statement to women and men who are conscious about their look and how they can monetize that. Because one part of this conversation we haven't had is that, you know, looks generate income. They do. So you think that if you do have a procedure, whatever that procedure could be, that could actually help you to land on so-and-so television show or help you to get the whatever deal. like those are facts right so if someone is aware of this and they're aware that beauty in essence is a currency yeah they want to try and yeah be perfect don't they but like i said like for me now that i'm older and i've been through it all with looks and surgery and hair and lashes and nails i think the main thing i think beauty which i think needs to be more established now especially that everyone's coming to influence as beauty comes within and it shouldn't be about what someone looks like especially when you get older like I don't care at all like I have like take me as an example I have been through it all to try and look this perfection state and now all I want to do is go back to that young girl so surely if I'm not an example I don't know who is like and I think if you are feeling a certain type of way about yourself try and work on it rather than straight away going to surgery because if I could go through this again and be young I wish I had someone saying work on yourself please don't just do this you're beautiful but at that time like mental health and psychs and stuff wasn't really a massive massive thing so if I could turn back time I wish I had someone there and just kept the normal me because I feel like now I would have been in a lot of a different mindset because now I've spent most of my 20s chasing someone that I'm not trying to look for this look at this who is this girl do you know what I mean now I've got to spend ages working on myself obviously I know it's a good thing because I'm going to find me 100 % myself.

1:24:57But I've wasted all of my 20s chasing this perfection girl who I don't even know to fit other people's standards. So I've wasted my life, essentially. You feel that way, that you've wasted your life? Yeah, because I have, because I've been getting so much stuff done to make us look like who I wasn't born to be. Like, who does that? Well, me, of course. I've done it. But I want to erase it now just so I can just be myself. That's all I want. Yeah, yeah. So then you're 30s. This is why you're like, 30s is your time. That is my time. Watch the globe, hon. Watch my globe. I am going to be the best version of myself.

1:25:37And that's all I want to be. Because like Paul, I've got such an amazing, I never rate myself, but I know for a fine fact I've got a good personality and I've got a good heart and I can make anyone laugh. Like, I just want to be funny old Chloe who doesn't care what she looks like because that's where my happiness is, It's making people laugh. All right. So, Chloe, you say you have a great personality. I am a bit funny, I know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. So if you were rating your personality, what do you rate your personality? I'd say 10 out of 10 if I'm on it. No one's a 10, actually.

1:26:08Let's be fair. I'd say 8.5. 8.5. Yeah, I know that I'm a good energy to be around when I'm at my best. All right. So this one will be harder for you. How do you think you look? I'd say 5. say a five out of ten at the minute yeah i don't feel the best today you think you were a five out of ten yeah i think that's quite fair halfway are you serious no i'd say about a five i'll say 5.5 actually 5.7 okay is that up or down from how you felt last year oh yeah it's god last year i'd say about i felt about a three but you would never know wouldn't have ever known that because i feel like when i'm putting these sexy pictures and stuff on social media, I'm doing bikini pictures, maybe that's just a cover-up.

1:26:55Maybe that's trying to, like, show the audience, all my social media followers, like, pretending that, like, this is the perfect girl. I don't know. That's something that I'm trying to figure out because you, like you've said, you would have actually never known that I felt like this. No. Like, if you look at my Instagram, you would think I'm the most confident person ever, but I wasn't. I used to, like, if you look at us filming and stuff, like, I'll always cover up. I'll cover my bum and stuff like that. But if I'm on Instagram, I can hide it because I can stretch out. I can get the best angle and stuff like that.

1:27:25Like try and hide my bumps, my lumps, my cellulite, my back fat. And now I'm like, I'm getting to the point now where posting a picture of my cellulite now, getting my bum reduced is like going in the right step of being me. Yes. Because I don't care. So I'm bothered about someone seeing a bit of back fat or I'm bothered about someone seeing a bit of cellulite. What? Yes. Why? Yeah. Yeah. That's why I think what you're doing is so courageous and important because you're normalizing normal bodies. Yeah. Or, you know, cellulite, you know, back fat, etc. Yeah. So as you think about even how you manage your social media.

1:28:03I'm changing it. It's all starting to change now. OK. How so? My posts. So like I'm posting now more realistic posts. So like I opened up the other day about I wasn't going to do it. I was really apprehensive. like I said going back I get nervous about being honest because I just I don't want thing I don't want to have backlash because I don't want to go back to a dark dark place again but I thought you know what it is I'm gonna I'm gonna just be transparent with me only and so one thing about me is like I'm very honest with stuff like this so I thought I'm gonna do it and I've had a really good response so I thought I'm gonna just start like to start loving myself again show people what I feel a bit unconfident about like obviously my cellulite and stuff like that so I posted that yesterday and and I feel better I would always hide I'd always edit my pictures I'd smooth out my skin oh really yeah yeah all the time i always get in an angle where like i'm stretched out like that just so like i look like long and slim but now it's just like i'm going to start posting more like organic content and not giving a fuck about getting on face that face to make me waist uh smaller did you do that yeah really yeah yesterday this is a great what what percentage of of uh you know celebs do you think are are doing this i think not even about just celebs i think the full of I think even younger girls as young as 15, 16, 17 are even doing this now.

1:29:17Is there, so this is just, this is terrible, right? This is terrible. No, yeah, yeah, it is. Because it's like, you're posting it and like, yeah, you might think it looks good, but deep down, that's not you. Right. So this is what I'm thinking, like the right step in the right direction for me is to start admitting my flaws. Stuff that like I am insecure about, showing that vulnerable side. And so like I put a post on yesterday about like my cellulite on my legs, which I've always been really conscious about. like if I was in a bikini I would have a caftan on because I was embarrassed so I think the right step for me is getting out there that's me that's who I am and if you're going to judge us for cellulite then you're not supposed to be around us do you know what I mean it's 90 % of women have cellulite and cellulite is so normal apparently if you have cellulite it's because you're a better person I have a better time and fun oh really apparently I don't someone said that but I don't know if it's true so if you have no cellulite you're boring so all the girls with no cellulite you're boring I'm joking and Igor, I hope no one believes that.

1:30:12Oh my God. All right, so then are you now saying that you will not edit any of your photos going forward? I'm going to try to. I'm not going to say never because obviously I'm still quite insecure. I'm still trying to find myself. I'm on this journey, but I'm trying as much not to. Like yesterday, I didn't edit my body at all. And that's a step in the right direction for me. Take baby steps. Yes. Walk before you can run. Yes. Do you think that not editing is going to impact television projects, influencer work. I want new work. I want new dreams. Like I said, I don't want to just be known for Chloe Ferry, drunk on TV, kick off Chloe, because that's not me.

1:30:54This is my new era. Not only am I working on myself, I want new work opportunities. I really, this next two years, want to just expand and just live my life and not live my life in someone else's body, basically. Right. But I think that so many people want the procedures, want the look, because they know that's going to help them to actually make more money on television or through influencer work. So is that something that you're concerned about, that you could potentially make less? Yeah, so hopefully, like, my story and being honest and vulnerable with you today is actually, like, people will go, well, actually, if she's had that much work done and just tried to change herself that much and she's still not happy and she's in a bit of a bad place, then surely I need to look at myself and actually take some more time and talk to me friends and family and think, do I actually need this done?

1:31:42Yes. Like, do you know what I mean? Yes. And I hope that I can help younger girls because I wish that I had the advice of someone when I was young saying this because maybe I might have listened. Okay. now do you believe there's ever a time to actually get surgery to get cosmetic surgery is it ever warranted it all it all depends on it all depends on yourself to be honest because if you're really really insecure about something even just for example if you're not on the public eye like if you're really insecure about something that's really really getting you down and you think it's going to make you feel better then maybe but i can't speak for other people obviously it's totally on them but like I said if you are a person and you are thinking about getting surgery and you aren't secure about something don't rush into it please do your research please ask your friends ask your family your family are going to be honest with your family aren't going to lie to you so just for example if you feel like you've got your boobs are flat or you have got a big nose like say like to your family do you think I need this done but your family are going to probably say no anyway but just always sit with your thoughts and don't rush into anything like I did Yeah.

1:32:47I always say that, you know, our village is really our superpower. Yeah. And we don't realize it when we have friends and family who truly love us and adore us. That's where we go. Yeah. And I always say, look at what the consensus says. It's the same thing with relationships. It's like if you have a partner, say you have a boyfriend, right? And you bring your boyfriend to your friends and family and he meets everyone. He spends time with everyone and you sit them all down. 11, 12 of your family down and you say what do you think about my boyfriend? I guarantee you if the majority of them say leave him, you should leave him.

1:33:21Yeah, 100 % I totally agree. 100 % yeah. So it's the same thing, I think you're saying the same thing when it comes to procedures. You know, rely on the feedback of your friends and family. Yeah definitely, I think that's the most important because your friends and your family, your true friends and family will not lie to you. Yes, they will not. Yeah, definitely not. They will not. And also I think about this as well Like if I was to have kids now and I could imagine my daughter saying this to her, I'm going to get this done to myself, I'd be absolutely devastated. I'd be absolutely heartbroken that my daughter wanted to change her looks because I would think my daughter was absolutely beautiful.

1:33:57So then on that note, this is an important question. What do you say to all the young girls who watch Chloe Ferry on Geordie Shore and looked up and said, I want breasts like that? i know or i want a button i know i know and that's devastating that i've like done that to myself because i do know that people do look up to us i don't know why like but people do like they do they do look up to us and i think i would hate to ever influence anyone to get cosmetic surgery because of me and that's why i want to just like step away from it i've made listen i hold my hands up i've made a mistake i got surgery and i massively regret it if i could turn back time i would but it's only because i was so insecure about the way i looked and because i I was getting pinpointed as a young girl about the way I looked, and I felt ugly.

1:34:44I had no self-esteem, no confidence, and I was in a position to change it. And I wish that I didn't. It's a mistake. And the thing is, you can't ever regret mistakes or lessons because you always learn from it. Yes. And that's what I've just needed to remember, because if I don't think like that, I'm going to just dive down. Right. Everything's a stepping stone. Yeah, yeah. But there's the new Chloe. New Chloe. And I'm excited to meet her. Are you? Oh, my God. I've already met her. I knew her. I knew her. I could tell you, I could pinpoint the moment. So we were in the mansion. There was one moment where you came in.

1:35:20It was Anne and myself and we were talking to you. And it was the first time that you talked about, of all things, ice skating. Yes. And you walked out of the room and I said to Anne, I said, oh my God, like she's, and I think I used the word, she's actually brilliant. Yeah. And it was one of those where I realized you were so much more than the person that you were presenting. Yes, 100%. And then I felt bad. Yeah, because a lot of people obviously do judges, which is life. People do, yeah. It actually, I mean, I should say I felt bad for the judge. It wasn't for the judge. I felt bad because I felt like you were intentionally playing small.

1:36:00What do you mean? I felt like you were intentionally playing this role of, oh, yeah, I'm kickoff, Chloe. And there was so much more for you to give. Yes. But it's almost, and I don't want to say this is what you did, but my impression was that you knew what, you know, the UK. You was for. What the UK knew you for. Yeah. And you said, I'm going to deliver it on this show. Yeah. And I'm not going to give you all of these other things. Like, here's this little sliver of my life. This is what I'm going to give you. But my life is so expansive. There's so many things that I love and I enjoy and who I am.

1:36:40And you reduced all of that just to give us this little bit. And that's when I said I felt sad. And that stood with me. And from that moment, I said, you know what? I'm going to keep my eye on her because there will be a time where she no longer wants to play small. And there will be a time where she's grown out of this. And this is exactly where you are now. Yeah, I definitely agree. I'm grown out of it, aren't I? Yes. I'm ready for new things and new beginnings. I'm ready to be the best version of myself. Yes. And I know it's coming, Paul. It's hard. I'm struggling. I'm up and down like a roller coaster.

1:37:17But I know there's going to be light at the end of the tunnel. And you know what it is? It's powerful. Yes. I'm a boss bitch. You are. All right. So then on that note, are there any other surgery plans? Because it seems as if you have lots of procedures, but now it's almost like we've started the reversal. Reverse, yeah. So are there any other plans? So because I feel so much more in proportion, I do feel like myself a lot more than what I did with my bum. Like I am thinking about doing something else as well. But obviously, like I said, I'm waiting for a bit. I'm going to speak to my friends and family about it.

1:37:57And then, like, who knows? I might be like Molly May. I'm joking. Yeah, I would love to. I just, I want to go, like, hopefully one day, like, fully back to natural. Okay. But I'm just taking each step as it comes. All right. Fully natural. 100%. I mean, I'll probably keep a little bit lip fill out, to be honest, because I had bum hole lips. When I smiled, it was just gum. So I think I'll probably keep a bit fill out, to be honest. Christ, we'll not go all the way. but I think when I've obviously healed and stuff from my bum, and then maybe I might go for the next step. Okay. Breasts? Maybe. Maybe.

1:38:34Maybe. Not saying I'm not happy with my breasts, but if I'm on this sort of journey now, why not just go the full shimonte? Why not? Why not? I've never heard of bumhole. That's bumhole lips. Bumhole lips. That was one of the comments. I know I can laugh about it now because it doesn't affect us as much, but someone used to say I've got bumhole lips. she used to say when I used to smile I just had gum because I had no lips oh my gosh these are the comments yes so some of the words like that's quite funny bumhole lips but it's like yeah basically that wild you should honestly some of the messages I get like not even about that like some messages I get Paul I wouldn't even want to say it on here yeah yeah I mean it's it's the fact that people I mean I know that we're going to wrap but the fact like I've never understood someone who, like the psychology of someone who will spend time, go on to your, say, Instagram page, find a post.

1:39:32Yeah, and comment. And comment negatively or send you a direct message. I know, I never understand it as well. You never, ever do. When I look, I think, but you know what it is, Paul? It's more on them because they must, could you imagine going on someone's picture and going, you're disgusting, you? I don't have time. In fact, I actually am so focused on myself now. I don't care what you're doing, quite frankly. I'm on my own path. So these people must be just sat at home with the 10 cats and literally just think to make them feel better. So it says more about them. That's what I think. I think they're so low and they've got no self-esteem and they choose not to work on their self.

1:40:06And that's where they're going wrong. They're the insecure people. And that's what I figured out. But back then when I was low and I needed all this clarity for all this surgery, I didn't know that. But now because I'm so much more different than what I was then, If I knew that information, then I wouldn't have got the surgery. But now I'm so much more educated on everything now. Yeah. You may not know this. When we first launched We Need to Talk. Yeah. There was an initial list of guests that I created, and you were on the initial list. Was I? Yes. But didn't reach out. I didn't reach out. Why?

1:40:40Immediately. Why? Because what I've learned about this show is that it's important to have people who are on the journey. Yeah. Yes. So they can speak about. So I view life as storms. Everyone is in one of three areas of a storm. You're either in a storm, you're either heading to a storm, or you're either coming out of a storm. all of us are in this zone and this is how we move through life yeah this podcast is about those who have come out of the storm we're coming out of the storm so they can speak about the storm yeah you are coming out of the storm do you think i know so i have no question that's why when i messaged you i said this is your moment now it is yeah it is oh god it's deep again i'm gonna get upset again but this but this is it this is vulnerability vulnerability is stepping out into the unknown yeah and that's the reason why you get emotional because you've never been in this space never it's in order this point it's like a really scary feeling is it because i'm so vulnerable now like normally i'd have my guard up and i'd keep and i wouldn't speak like this but is that because like i'm vulnerable with you is that why i'm feeling like this emotional side I think because you're experiencing some, so you were experiencing this before it was Chloe Ferry, the caricature that was created that you were playing to.

1:42:17Yeah. But you have stepped outside of that and you are now you. Yeah. And you are admittedly, you're being vulnerable. You're scared to be hurt. Mm-hmm. But that's part of, that's being human. Mm-hmm. You know, this is the right space for you. Yeah. But the key is you want to keep surrounding yourself with all these great people. And also you want to keep engaging in the things you love. Yeah. Like, what I'm walking away in particular from this conversation is how much love you had for ice skating. Yeah, I did. I noticed how upset I got. And maybe I should get back into that because that's where I feel like I'm at my best and my prettiest.

1:42:59Chloe, I was going to say, because I try to give homework to everyone, my only homework to you is put those ice skates back on again. Please. I know, I need you, I need you, I know. Can you commit to do that? Yes, literally I will do anything to help myself at this minute in time. So if I'm putting them ice skates back on, I will put them back on. Put those ice skates back on. And it's not just that you're putting it on for you. You could put them on and you could teach. I know I mean you can mentor I know I would love to do that that would be my absolute dream just want to like I'm excited obviously I know I'm emotional but I'm excited for this new era that I'm entering but obviously like it's scary though isn't it because it's like I'm standing alone I'm leaving that character behind that everyone thinks they know as us and I'm like entering this new womanly era where I want to do things different yes I want new doors and new opportunities to open and where I can really like be my true authentic self and you know what it is and I'm really here for it.

1:44:03Yes. So there's an exercise I used to do with my clients that I love to do with you real quick. It's called the ideal day. Okay. And in the ideal day, what you do is, let's think about a day five years from now. Okay. And I want you to think about you wake up and step into it. What do you see? What do you hear? what do you smell where are you and what's happening in that day so five years from now what's the ideal so i'll be waking up so the thing is with me paul i've got to have routine gotta have every morning wake up i'll have my coffee so i'll wake up so i'll have kids so my alarm will be set an hour before my kids wake up because i need to have routine i need to have my morning myself like i have a little coffee little scrolling bed love it and then i'll get my kids up I'll make them a breakfast I'll feed me dogs I'll take them to school then I'll go to the gym and I'll go for a nice walk and I'll put like some music on and then and I love cooking I'm absolutely terrible at cooking but I absolutely love it so I'll come back I give me boyfriend Sam Yonella but I still cook oh really nearly killed him oh my god yeah I know so my ideal world my ideal five years time I'm going to have kids I'm going to be married I'm going to be in a really good mindset hopefully going to have my own TV show back on the ice and probably if i'm if i've got kids smell what will i smell probably nappies yeah yeah yeah all right i love that chloe anything else you want to talk about i think i think that's it i think i don't have anything else to talk about i've just i tell you what i've let it all out i was gonna say i think you have addressed it all all right so on that note everyone gets a question here okay everyone and this is my favorite question right you have had some amazing conversations throughout your life right okay if you think back to the most memorable who was it with oh this is a brief yeah and what did what did you talk about and most importantly what did you learn i think one thing that someone said it was once that stuck with is is that don't ever care about what people are saying about you because these people don't pay your bills so that's but it's with me it's like because when i'm in a bad headspace i just it goes in one year and takes it goes out there goes in one year then goes out the other okay okay so the so so who was that with that was one of my friends oh okay and it stays with you all right but it's like at the time i didn't really like take it in when it went in one year and went out the other okay yeah definitely that all right fair enough fair enough on that note i have this to tell you chloe fairy i've always adored you and i remember when we met i thought there's something about her that i just like and like she's compelling to me she's special there's something special about you and i think that we all know this and that's the reason why you are loved i think that you are loved loved much more than you are loathed but unfortunately you probably don't feel that but you are and I think that there are many people who are like me who maybe weren't vocal enough in our love for you and this is where I apologize because I think over the years since 2020 so we've known each other for so many years yeah I never popped in to say Chloe I'm thinking about you Chloe I'm cheering for you Chloe like I love what you're doing with the shop there and I think I should have and for that I apologise and I'm going to show up as that person you're going to see, I'm going to be dropping you messages all the time you're going to be number one on me WhatsApp, you're going to be number one I love that I am and I would encourage everyone to do that for everyone else for all the Chloes in our lives.

1:48:10Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I never knew how hurt you were. Yeah. I never knew how down you were. And I feel terrible not having showed up. You would have never known because I kept it myself. So I don't want you to be upset about it. But thank you for saying that because that hit hard. So thank you. You got it. You got it. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Shall we shake? Forget to shake. Give me a hug. You know, Chloe, she's very passionate about what she says. There are a few things which I love. So the biggest is having a therapist. The fact that she was able to acknowledge that she needs one.

1:48:50And not just that she needs one, but she went out, identified one, and started sessions. The key piece for her is self-esteem. This is something that she's still working on and has to continue. Because without a higher level of self-esteem, she will fall back into her old ways. When she held her hands up and said, I admit, I shouldn't have done this, and I apologize. She's apologizing, not just to herself, but she's apologizing to all of those, especially young girls, who perhaps watched her go through this cosmetic surgery and then aspire or actually get the same cosmetic surgery. I am very excited about Chloe's next chapter in life.

1:49:31You can see that she is maturing, but she still has work to do. One thing in particular that I think she needs to do is fully identify what her values are and feed those values. So, for example, going back to the ice skating to make sure that she is participating in that. That's feeding her values and that will help her tremendously with her self-esteem and self-love. So that's definitely one. She says that she is close with her mother, but she said a few times, I want her to be proud of me. and I don't think she fully has embraced that message that her mother gave her and that is, Chloe, I'm already proud of you.

1:50:12And then last but not least, quite honestly, you could see she is proud of that business. She's proud of what she's accomplished with that and where she wants to grow that. I think that's a very healthy outlet for her energy and for her talent. So she's focusing on that. She's focusing on the relationship with her mother. She's focusing on these interests such as ice skating. I think she'll be in a much stronger position in the future. Can you believe that 80 % of relationships end in heartbreak or dissatisfaction? Do you want to know why? Because of the myths we believe about love. So much of what we've been taught is wrong.

1:50:50Like, true love means never feeling attracted to someone else. Myth. You should never keep secrets from your partner. Myth. And the big one, never go to bed angry. another myth. That's why I wrote Keep Love to debunk 21 of the biggest myths and replace them with actionable truths that actually help. If you're ready to stop believing the myths and start building a love that lasts, Keep Love will show you how to get there. This is where it starts. Get your copy now from the link below.

1:51:31Thank you.