Farrah Abraham: What Fame Did To Me After 16 & Pregnant

28:55It's interrupted by Derek Soldier's sister who demanded to know if that was his child. Block the casket. She shouldn't be here. All this to her stepdad. And I don't know where his dad was. I don't know where a lot of his family was. I'm sure it's been a long, a long hours. It affected the whole community. It wasn't just Derek who died. It was also another friend and another person was in there. The stepdad saying to be quiet, stop, da-da-da. So I sat for a second with Katie and Brianna and they were just like, this is ridiculous. Like, you shouldn't even be around this. Like, we're so sorry. We're happy that you got your time.

29:36And I got, you know, one of the books from the visitation. It was insane. And she never told anyone in her family that she behaved like that. Yeah. Look at that. So you had to leave. So I did leave. What a story. You know, especially given everything that's happening to you. What actually surprises me the most are your two friends. You said Kelly and... Yeah, Katie and Brianna. Katie and Brianna. They, oh my gosh, they're the MVPs of this. Yeah, they were like God's little angels. I love them. So in that time, Farrah, that level of grief that you were going through, what was your biggest learning?

30:15I think like maybe what I went through was I call it like a widower narcissism. And I know that sounds almost bad because it has the word narcissism in it. But you have to understand, I really had to figure out I had to give myself a quest to figure out why I cannot stop being a certain way about loss that I didn't have in the ways with other losses. OK. Like you could have healthy loss, but then you get crazy brain and you got destructive loss. Like you got a loss. Like, are you going to come back for this or are you going to freeze at a moment in history and never move on from it? And I also just didn't want to, you know, hate the world when I go outside because I see a new bridge is built.

31:05They tore down our old school, you know, all these new things and the world's going to keep changing. but I would hate it. And I would hate if I like saw another man who reminded me of him and a girl was like holding their hand. Like, I'll tell you how crazy shit got. Okay. And it was not fun. And God, my heart goes out to every man and woman who deal with like a widow or narcissism grief because it's just a wild hair that's just always going. But I never got that with so many other, I've had so many people die around me. So uncontrollable crying was happening. I was getting kicked out of college classes.

31:48I couldn't handle any other stress. Like it was a very miserable place. And I was also put on a suicide watch. I had to start a bunch of medication. My goodness. It's just not fun. So I challenged myself to get up and out of that. I see it. I see it. Yeah. So at this time, you are shooting a TV show. Oh, yeah. Right. So this is 16 and pregnant. 16 and pregnant. Okay. This is what year is this? 2009, if you remember it. Like MySpace, probably going to get into Facebook. Okay. So this is reality TV has been doing its thing for a little while. However, this is a different concept, 16 and pregnant.

32:32Yeah. MTV, you've got a major channel there. Yeah. So with the concept, what I'm curious about is already you being pregnant, how did your parents respond to that? Oh, well, I told my mom in her office. I had to present this sheet that said I was only like a couple weeks and I only had to like the seventh week to fill out this sheet to get the plan B. So I needed someone who was 18 to say yes to that, which was my mom. And then I'm like, I don't even think I say I'm pregnant. I'm just like, I have this sheet. I need you to sign this. She gets very quiet because I think she had to put like what the form was for why I'm busy in my office.

33:20Is quiet. And then starts crying. Oh, wow. And then she says, I'm not going to kill anything, Farrah. And that's my mom. So it was like, what has my mom's experiences been for one? How really heavy of this situation is this that I'm unaware of? Because I'm in like survival mode. Like, just sign this so I can survive. Because my mom raised me to feel like, and she would, you know, talk negatively towards young teens and like pregnancy and stuff like if you do that you're out of the house I can't believe that there's always a lot of negative negative um so I thought I was going to get kicked out of my house so I was trying to find the solution I see it I see it I see it I see it so then when the show comes about how did your parents react to you saying you wanted to do this show 16 oh yeah crazy right so we're not signing a sheet of paper no plan b everyone um miss karina does you know she sends you those things ends up everything goes through with the casting they want to now talk to my parents and i basically and they sent me the contracts to get to get to know us and to get started and to maybe come out and film the next little steps and i was like you are going to sign this i think very much from that plan b not being signed that I'm like, I'm not really giving you any more of a yes, no, because I have to try to drive a car of my life.

34:57And I don't know where I'm going. And I need some freaking help. So this is what I knew innately I wanted them to sign was to the show. So I was just like, you are signing this. I am doing this show. Okay. Now, what was... Like, how am I going to make it? Yeah, you're not messing around. So what was your expectation of what was going to happen? Like, were you thinking you're going to make some money? You'd get some visibility? No, but that's not what I thought. What did you think? And a lot of people do just get to those points. But I really was like, they're going to give someone an opportunity to actually make it.

35:36As a teen mom, you're going to make it. Like, you're going to get through this. Like, you're going to be a great parent. They're actually going to give someone that opportunity. And I know like when I say that, it might sound so small, but really when you like look back at everyone from the show, they didn't make it out okay. They didn't – they don't have a good relationship that I have with my daughter. And so I think like my promise and my hope and my fantasy was I get to have a good relationship with my child. Okay. But how so? How did you think this show was going to give you that opportunity?

36:14I just knew like I was this is me making it. So like keep in mind, I don't know anything about television and I don't know anything about what's going on. But I'm like. I get to show how to overcome every obstacle. I see. Because, oh, one of the questions of me, this is why I had this grandiose thought was what can people learn from watching you? And I answered that on our own. And by the way, it was very interesting. I was like, oh, my God. Like when I got to watch back and see when they publicize our casting tapes, all the casting tapes. Sorry, am I like, oh, it's just all these memories in my head.

36:56When I see Amber, Macy, Caitlin, they're all saying the same thing as I said. And I'm like, what kind of deja vu, trickery? Yes. But none of us knew each other. No one knew about anything until it was released in 2009 or something, the show, later on that year. But that's the crazier thing. We all set out thinking we are going to show how we overcome all the challenges of parenting. But for some reason in my head that meant I had the opportunity to be the greatest parent and they're going to make a will and a way so that I can be this. I see it. I see it. So I don't know. I latched onto that belief and I got in alignment with that and I had a little promise there.

37:41Okay. We have a lot of big conversations on this show. And yes, they sometimes get challenging, but they're always worth having. So let me ask you this. Is perfection getting in the way of your piece? If so, it might be time to take off the pressure and add some ease to your routine. For me, ease looks like getting in my essential nutrients and vitamins with our sponsor, Huell's Black Edition Powder. It's not a protein shake. It's a complete meal in just two scoops. With 40 grams of protein, high fiber, 26 essential vitamins and minerals, no intense meal prep or cooking needed. In an ideal world, we'd all be operating at 100%, 100 % of the time.

38:23But I know that's not how it goes. And if you're being honest with yourself, so do you. Having Huel as my backup in my kitchen makes for an easier choice on those tough days. It's nutritious, and it doesn't make you less ambitious. It just means you're human, just like everyone else I speak to on this couch. To try Huel for yourself, use code WNTT to get 10 pounds off at uk.huel.com slash WNTT. Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation.

39:03Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN-recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use as directed.

39:23What I find so interesting is that that show, 16 and Pregnant, then lent itself to another show. Teen Mom franchise. Like, who would have guessed? The Teen Mom franchise. Yeah. And just to speak to, I'm sure you know how big the show was. 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom had more views than the Winter Olympics. They beat Jersey Shore. Like, it was the biggest and most popular thing. This was a ginormous show. No matter how much I went to bat, I was always difficult. I was always like it was always, you know, fair as a problem. And I think looking back, everything that I did to protect myself from not calling them like a family to me, I think that was my gut protecting myself.

40:10Are you open to disclosing what those payment bumps were? Because I think, you know, this is also a time, it's interesting, we had Spencer Pratt on, and he was giving us a breakdown of how much he and Heidi were making. Yeah. But how it basically started from nothing. But even at the heyday, it was still a lot less. Oh, it was still nothing in my eyes. And I knew the truth. I knew the truth. I would go, God, there was someone I was dating who was working with Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest would just start telling me, like, Farrah, you need to fight. He goes, I am seeing these ratings. Why would I have you on my radio show if you weren't doing well?

40:56And I'm like, I don't know. You just wanted to talk? No. So, like, Ryan really got me to pipe up. A lot of people got me to pipe up. And they also looked at me like I could be so much more. If I knew what I had to work with. And I just, I think I like got to the realest point in my life, guys, where like I couldn't get any realer because I'm living in my car, not sleeping for two days because I'm working, going to school, watching my kid. So you were living in your car. I did. While you're filming this hit show. I think three of the female producers who came out that time, they knew how horrific everything was.

41:33It wasn't a joke. They said, we are not, we are going to call them and we are going to demand that you are paid right now. This is crazy that you're living like this. Yes. So, and I'm curious too. I can't believe you were living in a car, working all these jobs. What was the most? What did you finally get to in terms of payment? Oh, sorry. I am so sorry with my ADHD. Yeah. When did you actually get money? Yeah. Did you make anything? How did you make it? Yeah. I just ran in circles. did charity work. I just did charity work. So it was only$3 ,500 from that first one. And then I think I only got$25 ,000 from Teen Mom.

42:15Then I had Caitlin and Tyler call me. This is when I was like so depressed that I was like, I would need a boob job to make me feel better. So we were doing this scene that's on Teen Mom that's like, oh, I think I want to have a boob job. They ask. They say they're making $10 ,000 an episode. And again, I'm only making like $25 ,000 in total. And I hear what they tell me. They're making$10 ,000 an episode. And I get so upset. After, like, they just made me do a scene, like, talking me out of getting a boob job or whatever that I feel that I need. And I'm like, okay, for one, they don't have their kid.

43:02I do. I'm doing this on my fucking own against all odds, literally. Like, who's really supporting me? No one. Okay. That I then make up and I say, oh, yeah, I'm actually making$15 ,000 an episode because I was so hurt. So you just made it up? I just made it up out of spite, out of anger. And I was like, oh, well, I'm sorry that you're making less money than me. Da-da-da-da-da. So nothing was fair. And I don't know if it would ever be fair. But they then switched it one season. I think it was season three because it was doing amazing. They switched it to say, oh, well, we're actually not getting a new season.

43:42We're just going to extend season three. We're going to keep extending it. Every time that I am sitting with fans and supporting this show and I'm watching, you know, season four, season five, season whatever. Right. Because I'm like, I'm just stuck under this contract. That's really how I lost so much money. I just couldn't stand sitting there anymore sacrificing my child's life. But I hope to, like, create my daughter's own shows. I hope that we get to do, like, something in true crime. Or, like, she likes goth and I like law. And so I hope, like, there's this whole new thing that keeps coming up, you know?

44:15Yeah, I'm sure there will be. I'm sure there will be. But when you think about the good times, right? Yes. I mean, this was a 16 and pregnant and Teen Mom. It's an international franchise. what was what were the good times like in that franchise what did that give you man the good times I feel like I only made them like I was trying against all odds to have good times like literally I think I'm the only teen mom who like did huge club tours huge nightclubs like you name it I'm like I'm going for it and I'm traveling and I would argue with the producers of teen mom I'm on my front lawn. I'd be like, I am going to go do Celebrity Big Brother.

44:58I am going to go do this other show. Like, I fought for those really fun times. And I still fight for those really fun times because I want to have fun with people who I work with. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah. Because you're very visible. Do you feel like you're the most popular person from that franchise? Look, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to, like, say I am, but I probably am. Fair. This is fair. Yeah. So now you just mentioned, though, that you had to go out and find other sources of income. Yeah. And this is a place where I'd love for you to give some clarity because there was a lawsuit that came about because I believe they thought that you were getting into adult entertainment.

45:45But why did you hire me back when you knew I was dealing with that? Okay. And that's a weirder thing. every time they'd fire me, I'd get hired on another like MTV X on the Beach. Like I'd get hired on another MTV show, but they would continue to fire me on the teen mom show. And so like I had a little fun. I took some time off. I got a manager and she was just like, you are so popular. Like, you know, everyone knew because they worked in entertainment. They lived in Los Angeles. This was their lives. They knew what to do more so with someone like me than I knew what to do with myself or my parents or anyone around me.

46:23But I didn't know really where her background came from. It ended up being in porn. And one thing led to another of depression, you know, wanting sex and not being like all over the place, but then kind of being wronged, which ended up turning into a celebrity sex tape. Okay. Can I mention his name? Sure, of course. Is this James Dean? Yeah. Okay. So this is, you are how old when you - Was I 20? 20. Yeah. Just got back from Miami. Just got back from Miami. You weren't dating anyone. No. I mean, but there was crazier sex life things there, like a guy like inviting me to orgies in Miami, like dating other celebrity friends of mine.

47:10Like it was wild down there and it was too wild then. So I came back to Iowa. Okay. Okay. But, but so you and Jane, James. Yes. You had - Met through Gina, my manager, at the time. Okay. But she knew so many porn stars. It wasn't just like, here's James. And she was really on a thing of like, well, let me be your mom. And I do feel like she knew my vulnerability was that I obviously didn't get along with my mom. That was all over. Right. And she was like, I think you should move to LA. Like, you could be my daughter. Keep in mind, her daughter is like on these calls and hearing this. And I'm just hyper aware of the jealousy probably from my sister, my grandma, my mom growing up.

47:52Yes. And I think it like really, you know, yes, I probably needed comfort. I needed someone to hold space for me because no one is. OK. But I think I was just in a very I had to do sex trauma therapy about this sex tape that we're talking about. And I look at this thing and I see me being so sad and just needing like a touch, a touch of love so desperately. And I think sometimes when you're so desperate, you need to just go get mental help and not go for sex and drugs and alcohol or Coke or whatever you want to reach for. Right. Go get some 12-step therapy. But that is what I sadly reached out to at a very vulnerable time.

48:32And I did have a chin implant that I didn't ask for. I woke up to it when I got my nose job in Miami. And then the doctor was like, could you please just wait a year? And then if you don't like it, we'll take it out. But that was one of the worst years of my life, the most desperate, the most insecure, the most need of some kind of motherly love, some kind of a physical touch. And I always just say, like, face dysmorphia is a real, real hard thing to overcome. Even like the producers that I started working with, again, the sex tape came out, the production wanted to continue to work through this mess that I was going through.

49:12Wow. Well, and even I mean, I could see how this year. Do you recall what year that was that we're talking about? 2013. All right. 2013. OK, so 2009, my life changed. Then 2013, it changed again. Yeah. And I could see, too, is you are a household name. 2013. Yeah. Lots of attention. I was not ready for that or couldn't be in the headspace to be available for that yet. Yes. And then to what your point earlier, which I thought was well said, is that a lot of people were hate watching you. So I would imagine, not I would imagine, I remember you were in all the tabloids. Yeah. You know, so it becomes, what did you feel like people just wanted to see you feel?

49:55Yeah, for sure. So with you and James. Yeah. When that whole thing happened, were you, did you know that it was being filmed? Did you know that? Well, for sure. I was like, I want to make a sex tape. I just want to have fun. All right. And I just like want to remember this because like I want something for me. There was no problem with me having my own like footage and like me exploring. Right. There was a problem when he wanted to lie about things. There was a problem when he just went around me without my consent and made like his whole like a press press release. Like someone meet me here with a camera and I'm going to talk about Farrah and I'm going to say that we did a porn.

50:39Like if that was consensual, I messaged him immediately after I saw that. I said, why would you do that when you didn't ask me? Never text me back. Continues his charades of press and all of his attention. And of course, I'm yelling at the manager who's like, oh, he would never say anything. Like he has sex all the time. He's a porn star. He's a professional. All of that. And so I literally was just like, yeah, I think that's really screwed up. So, yeah, that was really hurtful and a lot to unpack. And I did have to do sex trauma therapy on that. That's why I could talk maybe as good as I'm trying to about it today.

51:19No, no. I mean, you're painting the picture. And I think what is important for me, at least, is that what you were attempting to do at this time was to have agency. Agency. Sorry if I couldn't get that word. Oh, no. Yeah. Agency. Like, it's your sex life. Where is that for me? I was really fumbling the ball and trying to find it. Yeah. And so then part of that was you then sold the rights to it. Yeah. Part of it. So the rumor always was that you sold it for a million, for over a million. Yeah, but that's not accurate. I still own it till this day. Okay. I'm still an owner until this day. All right.

52:01So then what then led to the firing then? Was it that? I was asking for my daughter to be paid more on MTV as an equal because they're not paying her dad. They're not paying anyone else. My parents were filming less. They kept saying that they were taking away, you know, if you're feeling less, then you get paid less. And like Sophia is always here. She's always filming. You guys need to pay her more. they refuse fair nations or you know all they yeah favor nations all the kids need to be paid the same and i'm like we are not all in the same situation and i am not going to continue to hear this and i do open up sophia's own children's boutique and store for her to earn more money i open up my furniture store i open up a frozen yogurt store i do like three other tv shows that are around the world.

52:52And I also signed two contracts. I think it was like for 50 ,000 apiece for me to just show up on a live cam company website for an hour and talk to fans. That was that cam company was an adult company, but they wanted celebrities to be there to make it more mainstream, obviously. So I just said, yes, I needed the money. I'm a single parent into the state, no one can get in the way of me earning money because I need that as a single woman, as a widower. So I'm going to do work. They don't want to pay me more. They always argue. They always fight. You went to 2026 about money. And I'm going to go ahead and do it.

53:33Morgan comes and flies in on my day off to fire me, making me work, making me found. I do it anyways. I always do everything in good faith. They don't. Fires me at my dad's house. And Morgan is from? New York. New York. From? Production. Production. Okay. Yes. So he says, I'm the only girl out of 10 girls who's difficult. I just say that he should have handled it better. So he just didn't want to hear it. And he wanted to say, okay, well, you're going into adult entertainment. And he orchestrated that in scenes with Caitlin, Tyler, Macy, everybody else. So I don't have to agree with what any man tells me about who I am, what I am, what I'm becoming.

54:13and he never let the teen mom, the woman perspective ever come out. And I think that is a disservice to the 16 and Pregnant franchise, to the teen mom franchise. And I just think it's a disservice for other men to follow in those footsteps. And that sadly is what attracts to me, is what happens to me. And them always allowing other cast members to attack me like on our specials. So I've been attacked multiple times when I've gone out here in Hollywood. I had a guy handcuff himself to me. And it was because I was on the face of the commercials at the time. And so hate TV creates hate in real life.

54:52And people really need to be held more accountable for what they're doing to women. And I don't think any other woman would be as strong as I am to get through what I've been through. Yeah, because on this, too, is right around this time, you were arrested several times. Yeah, doing nothing. Yeah. So what happened during these arrests? One was at Beverly Hills Hotel. I was standing up for my girlfriend, and I just wasn't having it. And I was like, stop touching her, stop handling her. And I was there all day. They claimed on the news that I was trespassing when I was there all day with my daughter at the pool.

55:29But anyways, just held me in jail, tried to find something on me, and never did. Is it what? Because did you get physical with them? Was that it or no? I basically like smacked him and said, get your hands off my girlfriend and she doesn't need to stay with you. And I tried to leave and they took my belongings and my stuff. And when I got out of jail, you see the girl throwing me my phone. And yeah, my lawyer was so upset that a friend would do that to me. It's sad. It's a sad world that we live in. Like the lies, the insanity, like I'm really always just so blessed that I'm alive. And I think like that last attack, I had severe PTSD.

56:08I couldn't act right. And so the producers of Teen Moms sent me to an intensive trauma center. That's how I found my way back to Austin. Okay. Okay. You know, then, Farrah, if you could go back to that moment that you first found out about 16 and pregnant. When I was pregnant or, yeah, I was like sad just trying to make it – please my parents. Yes. Be a people pleaser. But knowing everything that you know, would you still have joined the show? Yeah. Hands down. But we've got to take a second breath. I think I can't regret anything that I've done or said or chose or, you know, the losses that I've had, the insanities and rebuilding my identity.

56:54Like, I can't go back and say anything yes or no because, like, that's just like, what if I didn't even have my daughter? You know, it's like, who would I be right now? So I am really just grateful I stood in the hard times and came out. Yes. Yes. Yes. Now, what then becomes the relationship with your parents? Where did that land? Yeah. So I think we did this great show called Family Boot Camp. And I think in the end, you're tasked as a child of your parents that are with you to choose one or the other or yourself. And I chose myself. And I think both of my parents were sad, but it sent a loud message that I'm not going to be the ping pong in between you both anymore.

57:46And that took up a lot of my energy and my power through my 20s. Okay. So you said you've selected yourself. So do you talk to your parents? I do talk to my parents here and there. Okay. I have really kind of, you know, detached with love is all I can say. I have shown mad gratitude for every moment that I could spend with them. Even if it's a hard moment, I have mad gratitude because I know I don't get it. I know I won't get it. And so, yeah, you only get a little bit of love sometimes from your family and you got to keep it moving. Yeah. But it sounds like you still want it, though. Can't keep putting them on a pedestal.

58:32So. Yeah. It's hard to grieve the love that you just don't get. Yeah. I feel so incredibly sad hearing this because I can see that what you have been asking for, looking for, begging for is just love. It's that feeling of, and we all want and need this, this emotional safety. I think we all need some love. Okay, we do. I give it. I love giving love. I love making other people's day, and I love volunteering. I love my daughter saying that she gets the love that she wants. Yes. So if I could help that for someone else, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah. I'd say what is so beautiful, though, is to see how you have really leaned into motherhood.

59:34Yeah. And we're going to go there. Yeah. By the way, if you ever need it, there's a tissue right there. Okay. I'm like, I think I just need a second. Hey there. I just want to say thank you for choosing We Need to Talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life. And I want to continue to share it with you. So hit follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast.

1:00:06I think that one place of healing that we haven't talked about yet, but you've been mentioning it in our conversation, is you mentioned facial dysmorphia. Oh, yeah, that's real. And then we can talk about body dysmorphia. Yeah. So we talked a little bit about you correcting a bump on your nose, but you said that when you went to that surgery, you woke up with a chin that you didn't ask for. Yeah, legit. How does that happen? So the doctor beforehand had mentioned, okay, so I'm going to just shave your nose down. And then he's like, well, what about your chin and what about all this? And I was like, no, my chin's fine.

1:00:48I never even brought up my chin. Like, I'm totally fine. I don't need anything. But here's the thing. I was awake for two days before the press thing that they wanted to do for the surgery. Okay. And the nose surgery was so like had me anxious and like maybe because it's on my nose and you're breathing out of it and so anxious. And I was so swollen. So like I was so naive. Like when I woke up for two days before this pressing, no one told me that I had a chin implant. And I found out when we were doing press because the reporter's like, so why is all your face swollen, Farrah? And I'm like, oh, my God, he gave me a chin implant.

1:01:32And I was so like, what the fuck? Like, what man would do that? When I talk about it now, and now they're doing TV shows where people are removing their plastic surgery because the surgeons have gone so far. And they even interviewed me to create one of the shows that's out. because I knew about this with me, with this whole chin dysmorphia problem. And I have to say, like, I can't even believe that someone who I rooted for to get a TV show and everything for this plastic surgeon, that he did that to me. So you go in for one type of surgery. And I say no, no, no, no, no to everything. And my mom was calling me a witch in that year because of a chin implant.

1:02:14I couldn't even again be I was just so mortified of myself like I even like was cheating on the boyfriend that I had for three years on and off of course and then I did like my own like private sex thing that I wanted to do because I didn't feel comfortable doing it with my boyfriend that I had on and off for so long and then that turned into a whole problem but I can't ever describe it how awful that year was for me. And nothing like that has ever happened again since I've removed the chin implant. Okay, okay. All right, so then... Crazy. So, yeah, that's bizarre. It's unbelievable. That's bizarre.

1:02:54That's bizarre. You know, if something's going to make you happy, go for it. But I will say I did all of my surgeries out of a depressive, grieving state. And, yeah. Yeah. Again, I told you on the photo, you showed me of Derek and I, happier than ever. Exactly. Happier than ever there. Also, something that stands out to me so much based on what you just said, why you did your surgery, is we had Dr. Terry Dubrow. Oh, he worked with me. Yes. He was sitting right there. And I know that you were on Botched. Yeah. And one thing that I remember, I watched your episode. Yeah. And there was a statement that you gave.

1:03:37It's profound. It said, you said, I did all of my surgery to please other people. Yeah, probably. It was for other people. Yeah. Think about that. I do. And then, you know, the boobs, I've had to end up getting done three times. Just my body just kind of like fights them. But, yeah, I think I even said the other day, I'm like, I just take my boob implants out. Am I just like, if I'm happier, then like less is more. Like, I don't know. That's just really me and my thoughts at the end of the day when I'm home on my own, which is always. And I don't, you know, like what are boobs? Boobs are a selling mechanism for, you know, kind of like adult stuff.

1:04:27And I do hear, you know, other husbands, you know, say negative things towards their wives, like when they remove their boob implants. And I think in the back of my head, it's shunned really in society, like remove your boob implants, be less feminine. A man's not going to love you if you don't have them. So like those are real concerns of my insecurity to be loved is what you've learned about me. I want love so bad. And the reasons probably of why I still have boob implants. Did you just say that your boobs are a selling mechanism? Well, they are. You know, if I don't have double D probably in my profiles online, are all my teams, you know, 20 plus people who work for me, are they all going to sell more?

1:05:14Probably not because it's not a big boob page, right? Like, look, this is the world I was born into, not what I'm creating. Right. But I'm letting you know how a single woman survives in life through this wide world. Gotcha. Okay. No, I hear you. I'm just being honest. No, no, I hear you. I hear you. And I appreciate the honesty. But so it sounds like what you're also saying is that. I do love that Derek loved me with no double D's, my regular nose. That literally the world of me and I have the messages that I cherish in all the work that I do when I recreate. I mean, I read it one yesterday just because I wanted to read it and feel good about myself.

1:05:56Like, what a gift. Yes. And what was that that you wrote yesterday? Oh, that he wrote. or he wrote to me in 2001 ever 2008 or something and it was just saying like everything about me was perfect like he loved me he thought that I was so mature compared to other people without me in his life like he wouldn't be him and he loves me so much like he wrote me the most beautiful letters um not to compare to anyone but I just and other people wrote me great letters too But there's just something about authentic Farrah being loved that other people don't authentically love. Like they just love like big boob Farrah or whatever, a teen mom Farrah at a certain time when I was super depressed.

1:06:45Don't want to go back to that. So I love when I'm loved and I'm just loving. I just like that whole love. I like that love. Yes, yes. But that seems to be more of an authentic love because it seems like you – well, let me ask. Have you been in love since Derek? I think I tried to love someone and I think I give love. I think I give love, but I don't think I'm in love. Like, so I can't say, like, I was in love with my ex three years ago. I'm just like, I gave him love. He didn't know what to do with it. But I'm not in love with him. I think sometimes I was just not capable. I think where I'm at now is I am capable.

1:07:35I do want to love. But I also know I will not get in love with someone if I don't see all the signs that they can reciprocate. Okay. Okay. So can we talk about you in dating? Yeah. Because something I read, and you need to tell me if this is the truth. I've done a lot of work in dating. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've done a lot of work. You've done a lot of work. And you have a lot of, I think, requirements that I have never... Your requirement list. What kind of requirements? I saw that you require men to sign an NDA. Is that rough? Have an STD check. Well, thank God. And sometimes have a vasectomy.

1:08:18Well, thank you. God, is that not a dream or what? But that's your list. That is great. This is your list. Sign me up. I'm ready to be in love. But this is it, really. Shit, don't tell me for a good time. That sounds like a good safe time. Yeah. It does sound like a good safe time. Oh, geez, sounds like I should be dating there. Tell me where the club is. Really? But is that truly your requirement list? I feel really good with that. Okay. I am still being honest, yes. Yes. Makes me happy. So how do you approach that when you're dating? It's like, okay, I need you to sign an NDA and I need an STD check.

1:09:01Well, I know if you're not going to sign an NDA, you're not going to be honest and trustworthy. Don't care a million years down the road. If you have an issue with it, then you don't want to be authentic. I'm going to be straight up authentic to you. And it's not going to go anywhere. And I'm sorry, like I just had a million people make a million excuses of I would never do that or professional or this or this or that. Then they go and do some bad stuff. So I don't play about my piece. We got to sign an NDA. We got to be on the same page. What was the thing? STD test? STD. Are we kidding? I need, after being sexually assaulted and doing a rape kit and all that other craziness and blood work for six months and making sure that I am clean.

1:09:43Yeah, I'm going to do some STD tests. Say the same to my daughter. Are you playing? We are not playing with that. Okay, okay, okay. Vasectomy? Vasectomy? Look, we've started out without a vasectomy, but then we realized the grass is greener with the vasectomy. So, yeah, vasectomy all the way. Okay. Why is the grass greener with the vasectomy? Because you take the fear and anxiety out of your sex life. Mmm, okay, okay. So now? I didn't have any fear and anxiety before I had a vasectomy. Did you ever get a vasectomy? Who, me? No. No. No. Free balling. All right. Literally. Literally. Literally. But I think you're also in a space that you're not having fear and anxiety in your sex life or your partner and your family and those things, which is a beautiful thing.

1:10:35But other men who are out there dating, they're like, oh, my God, I got to pull out. Oh, my God. She's gonna act like she's pregnant and like stick me to herself or like, you know, all these things and I'm just like No, I'm gonna tell you to just go get a vasectomy and save your sperm have a baby when you want consent to it Get your right partner and I'm not trying to do anything bad to you. I just want a good time. I want to Have fun with my person my partner like let's go crazy But that's I think I'm just getting rid of any doubts towards me Okay, so then walk me through this though. I am the right pick Okay.

1:11:09Okay. All right. I'm not going to argue on that, right? Okay. So have you had men who've said, no, I'm not going to do the NDA or STD check or - Totally. And I'm like, that's great. Don't do it. I'm not going. I won't meet you there. I won't be there. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So this is definitely a boundary for you. I have definite boundaries. Yeah. Especially with like crazy cases and stuff that I'm dealing with. So yeah. I mean, and it was kind of just like also like dating someone. My last year's relationship, when it came to kind of like harder legal battles and courts and things like that with me, like I realized like some men are just not capable of handling the things that I have to go through and get through sadly at this time in my life.

1:11:54Maybe if they met me, you know, a year after or a month after everything was all roses and like all the attacks were out of my way, then maybe like those relationships would have worked out. But some men are just not down for the long haul. So I just know like I got to have a guy who can really have a good time. Yes. Yes. No, I and also I would imagine, too, is you need a peer. You know, now you are a public figure. Yeah. Right. Do you need a man who is also public figure or you prefer them not to be? I think I'm really into like businessmen. I mean, but you could be a public figure and a businessman.

1:12:35You know what I'm saying? All right. Best date that you have ever been on, Farrah? Oh, it's a very love bombing date. Oh, really? Girls are going to be like, no, it's not a real date. Uh-oh. I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it. So I do think my dreamiest, because he was trying to be so dreamy, so love bombing. He pulls up a one-of-one car on the tarmac, has his private jet, and meets me here in Los Angeles. And wild fun on the jet. And then we land over in Las Vegas to a one-of-one historical boxing match. And we're front row. And then it was just like, you know, little Romeo. He, like, saves me.

1:13:19He has a Rolls Royce. He's got the villa. And, you know, it's a love bombing dream. And I tend to find myself in those. I attract them, actually. Like, you know, if you're a guy with a Ferrari or, God, what's another car that always is attracted to me? Rolls Royces and Ashton Morton. I feel like if you're one of those men, you're definitely going to love my energy. But now that I have just really come to wake up to every day loudly, I just don't like love bombing. I hear you. Yeah. I hear you. so then what would your worst date be oh my god my worst date was when i was filming a tv show they wanted to put us on dates and i think i was staying at my mom's at the time in between like trying to find a house or something they put me on a date with a man who for reals lives with his mom full time to have him help him raise his kids and i was like look guys i am gonna endure this estate but in no world that I live in would I ever go on a date with a man who cannot somehow live on his own and provide for himself just because I'm like staying at my parents house I think it's like a kind of a different thing and I'm also like filming with them it was just like a difference like I don't sit here like a crutch like I don't just sit if I wasn't like filming um so I think like that was a little I don't know what they were trying to do with that day it was a little off.

1:14:46It's a little off. All right. Now, in either of those two dates, did those men sign NDAs? Hmm. No, this was before my rolls. Oh, really? Both? Yeah. They could just, you know, have STDs. They could blab their mouths, which I knew the one with the job was not going to do that. And I knew he wasn't going to have sex with me. And what was the other situation? Oh, well, the sex we didn't need to go there. Okay. All right. All right. Fair. Fair, fair. All right. Can I show you something else? Yeah. Ready for this? Okay. All right. This is one of my favorites. I'm going to go to here. Ready? Okay. Tell me what is happening in this.

1:15:27Oh, my God. What is happening is this is Sophia's dad's sign that Grandpa Jerry bought for him in loving memory of Derek Underwood, her dad. We got to visit Grandpa Jerry. We visited his gravestone, his cemetery in Missouri. Okay. So this was that. I was still a little struggling, a little depressed there. But Sophia was so happy. And I let her at this age stay for some of the summers. They would go fishing, all the grandkids and grandpa. All right. It made her so happy. Yes, yes. So look at that. You are struggling in this, but you acknowledge how happy your daughter is. Yeah, for sure. In this.

1:16:14And now you're also ensuring that she knows who her father is. For sure. Always. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Love it. I'll hold on to that one. Yeah. So can we talk about motherhood? Let's talk about motherhood. All right. So the world really saw you grow as a mom. Yeah. Which is unique because you every mom and every father, right, fumbles a little bit. But when you look at your journey. What would you say that you are most proud of as a mom? That I showed my daughter love and that she knows what love is. okay i think that's a super powerful thing to find and know and be able to find when you need it within yourself and that my daughter has yes yes now the relationship between you and your daughter seems to be incredibly strong i'd say so but but also too is it seems as if you two are friends is that fair to say I'm some really a mom you're really okay interesting so you don't associate being a friend with being a mom I think my I heard my daughter the other day describe me and she says that I'm for sure her mom I'm sassy I'm fun and I just show her a lot of love so I think like that maybe is what my daughter thinks of me I I will say like compared to some of my other mom friends I'm making my daughter do her chores I have a whole chore board on the kitchen counter because I just refuse to repeat myself you know I can only do so much I am a mom um and I can only do so much as one person and so I very much am structured um But I'm fun and I let things go because I have my ADHD and I forget stuff.

1:18:27But I mean, I don't know if I'm too much of it. I mean, look, the kids, Sophia has always known that all of her kids, kid friends love me. I'm like the young mom. I'm fun. I'm like the coolest, you know, don't tempt me for a good time. But I also have to be a real parent. And sometimes I am very much more accountable and mature than some of the other parents around me. So I don't know if I can just be like I'm a friend. I know it looks like in photos that I'm like little bestie, but I can't help that I'm just a teen mom. I am very much a mom. Well, you got serious there. Yeah, I think I think a lot of people think I'm just a friend sometimes.

1:19:07And I'm like, no. And I think like a lot of men have challenged me when dating me. and they always act like I just give my daughter everything and to put my foot down and even my dad's wife when I was last with them a couple months ago was behaving like that and that really got to me and I just have to like say to anyone and everyone like I take I look at my daughter differently than I am she was born as a public figure she also has different rights and different things that I need to be respectful of. And I am not going to hold her back in any shape, way or form because of my way I was raised.

1:19:51So like, you know, she wants a brand new car and it's the sports car. And like she has the money and she's worked her whole life for it. And I worked very hard to invest her money so that she can have what she has. She's going to get it. And some people look at me as like, you're treating her like a friend. You're not putting your foot down. You should go buy her a used old piece of whatever. You know, I'm not going to go against my daughter's wishes. It is her stuff. It is her life to consent to. And I take that real serious right now. Yeah, I see it. I see it. You know, and I also know, you said your daughter was born a public figure.

1:20:24Yeah. She's had to also manage everything, you know, the storm around you. Yeah. You know, the public storm. It's a lot for her. Yeah. So when you talk to her, how do you help her to manage that? Well, whether it's supporters of the show, fans or haters, whatever it may be, and they want to interject, they want to obviously get us off of our focus of shopping or whatever we're doing. They need a photo. They need whatever they need. You know, Sophia didn't really take that lightly at first. More like, no, I'm going to keep going about my life. And like, they don't like, let's just ignore them. But like that's not real good social skills.

1:21:07We just go through everything and we think, well, how do we want them to feel once leaving us? Do we want other people to feel like they didn't matter? We are selfish in our own stuff. Like, do you want to just set the boundary of this is what I can do and then I need to give back to what I do want to do? And there's this fine rhythm and dance to life. And I think that's all I was doing was showcasing and reasoning with my daughter of how do we want to do these things? How do you want to get the like through this or like the finished look at this? And I think like that's really just been something for her to gauge and see.

1:21:46I see it. I see it. So also. It's not just telling someone what to do. OK. You know, blind. I feel like what a lot of people are raised with like I was is just like blindly being obedient. And I think, you know, some people do that in religion. I think they do that in their lives. You do whatever you want to do to get through it. But I do not teach my child to blindly believe me, blindly be obedient to me, blindly anything with me. And I also don't treat her like I'm going to blindly believe her. And I think that is holding others accountable, which my parents did not have, you know, whether it's a belt for why am I being belted?

1:22:25Because I couldn't read a Bible verse. Like blindly obedient. I'm in the Antichrist because I'm not going to agree with you, but yet I am sharing what I'm feeling and you don't want to hear it. So she hits me in front of everyone on TV. Wow. This is your mother. Yes. So I don't do the blind obedience. I will do the reasoning. I will talk through it. And I tell you what, my daughter will sometimes catch herself trying to be all holier than now sometimes. She thinks she's right. And then I'm like, well, if I were to reason that and I say this out loud, what does it sound like? And I'll just like reverberate what she's saying.

1:23:01And she's like, OK. And I'm just so grateful that I could be like that soundboard for her. Yes. Yes. Something that I believe you've done a great job in as a parent and something that I see in your daughter is her ability to lean into who she is. Yeah. And own that. Be proud of that. And that's something that I wish more children were able to do. Yeah, I'm really happy for Sophia, for her finding that, really. I'm like, Sophia, did I just not notice? It's like everybody acts like it's such a big deal. And I'm like, but I think maybe you were just doing it anyways. Like sometimes she would just wear black.

1:23:41Like I have pictures of her when she's little just wearing black and having fun. But like she tells me all the time like something about my legs to my butt ratio. And I'm like, what do you want me to do? go suck all my fat out I'm like I worked very hard to get this fat I guess so I'm gonna just let it be yes like let me be yes um and I just like let her know that she can let be and like if she needs help with any of her stuff like you know don't be insecure about it like lean into it like figure it out um and I think you know her body is different than mine and I'm just again grateful to let her learn about herself because like she's gonna be her biggest advocate like if I'm not there.

1:24:23She's got to know how. And I think I could send my daughter into like a war zone and she's going to be OK, which I did kind of do that for a summer camp with no phones, no AC. It was all outside. It's one of the most prestigious summer camps that the kids can go to Camp Longhorn in Texas. And literally, she thrived through it. She made so many friends. She was like the only girl at all of the dances who was like, no, I don't need a boy to go with me and all of her girlfriends we've been to concerts together around around the nation here and I was really happy she survived it she used to act like oh my god I can't live without my phone and all my all my extra stuff but she did it see look at that look at that and she did it in part because of you yeah right so she was like okay I can now do stuff now she likes to do more stuff and be independent because she was very non very codependent on me and i was like no i think you should go do stuff with the kids like or your friends or like new friends or like new kids you know yes um but yeah we do enjoy it so much of our time together yes yes but we're not besties we enjoy our company fair enough fair enough what do you believe you mean to her

1:25:42I don't know strength comes to mind but I don't know if that's what she would say okay all right fair enough so then that means this last surprise I have is very important for you okay I'm guessing right you ready you ready yes I have this for you oh wow you think you could you could open that up and read it for us yes and I like the handwriting Whoever wrote this, I like the blue. I like the blue. Loving the blue. Okay, let's read this. Okay. This is a letter, everyone. Okay, my mother, I would not want to go through every impact. Hold on. Who wrote this? Is this my daughter? My mother? Okay.

1:26:26I'm like, my mother. All right. I would not want to go through every impactful moment in my life with anyone else. aww you have endured for more devastating events than you deserve oh my god it's so great

1:26:44do I have to read this? I just am like oh my god

1:26:51this is so great like would you like me to read it to you? can you read it? otherwise I think I'm going to cry if it's for my daughter I'm like oh my god I will read it to you okay Okay, so my mother, I would not want to go through every impactful moment in my life with anyone else. You have endured far more devastating events than you deserve, yet you choose to stay strong and guide me, helping me avoid getting lost in life and make the right decision so I don't have to go through anything worse than you did. you my mother have shown me the world and also shown me the impact we have on it you have shaped my life in the best way although growing up with millions of eyes on me my focus has always stayed locked on yours i have always trusted you and you've always been by my side no matter how hard people tried to tear us apart.

1:27:55Even through the toughest years of my life, you helped me back up and taught me how to properly work through mental struggles and help me flourish. And even though my father is not here, you have given me the love, guidance, and support that most mothers and fathers cannot provide combined. I am very grateful that you and I got to grow up together I admire your strength, responsibility, and your incredible work ethic. And I wouldn't change anything about you. I am so proud of you, and I'm very happy to be your daughter. I love that so much.

1:28:45I'm going to frame that. It's coming home in my office. All right. I'm going to give this to you. I'm going to give you all of your gifts. I'm like, I'm leaving this with that. Wow. What an amazing podcast. What a gift.

1:29:02Oh, God. That made my whole year, my whole life, my whole heart. I thought that was so beautifully written. I can't even believe it. My daughter just, again, just amazing. Yes. It's just amazing. And you know what's so interesting is what she said, It echoes everything that you said. I'm like, what? I'm like, who wrote this? And it's so crazy that it's from my daughter. Yes. And I was like, just make sure you write a letter to Chrissy because Chrissy was asking her for some letter. And then she was cooking dinner. And I don't know. She was just so quiet after her letter. She's like, yeah, I already sent it or something.

1:29:44And I was running around packing and fixing the pet stuff. And then she was cooking dinner and stuff. And she was just like, I wrote the letter. I hope you like it. Like she was just like teasing about how great it was. But it really is amazing. I'm going to do something extra with her this weekend. I love her. There you go. I think you need to buy her a new car. Basically, she chose my car that I just bought. That you just bought. Yeah. All right. So here's the last topic.

1:30:16You and running for office. Oh, yeah. I'm so grateful that I could. So I know that you formally announced that you would run for mayor of. I know. And I messed up. Of Austin. Right. Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas. Go Longhorns. Yes. Yes. Yeah. My brother lives in Austin. Go Austin. Yes. Yeah. So we had Spencer Pratt. Yeah. Sit right here on this couch. Yes. And do you know that this was the first place that he announced that he was running for mayor of L.A.? Oh, my God. Before his press conference. He said it right here. Yeah. So, yeah, you just have to have that justification within yourself. And I, you know, just had a flood and a fire at my house.

1:31:04I was staying at my dad's. And something innately overcame me. And I had thought about doing this in 2020. Okay. and of course, COVID and all this other junk happened. But I was like, even though I planned on running for it, and I know this fire and this flood happened and all this craziness, I need to step in and help the city. I just know that things are getting wild. All my friends are moving out of here. The rents are getting too high. All this other stuff, they can't figure out if you are self-employed, how to get your own house, how to find credit unions and all that stuff. Even for my birthday post this year, I'm like posting how you can finance your car of your dreams and these things because people are like, oh my God, the car prices are going up.

1:31:53And I think by leading my life, advocating, learning how to advocate for myself, testing the limits of the city, the state, our nation, and showing my daughter how to survive it and thrive it. I just to know like if I'm in a grocery store, if I'm dress shopping, if I'm everything, even if I did mess up on the first, you know, mayoral, the votership, mayoral, I guess it's just a document. It's not official yet. Right. But announcing that I would like to run, announcing that I have interest in the mayor position, people always say I'm going to vote for you. I'll be leaving the airport even probably when I get home from here.

1:32:38and some gentleman who's working at the airport will stop me and be like, Farrah, I am going to vote for you, even if you messed up. Like, you know, and it's just like I think I would love to be perfect at administration work, but I'm not. But I do know that fiercely I can advocate for people. So if it's starting at local district, which now they basically switched it because, I don't know, in a history of always having mayorship every two years. They just don't have it on the year that they allowed me to be approved for it and announce it to press. Okay. And that's when you keep saying, I messed up.

1:33:17That's what you're saying. I messed up, maybe. Is that you announced. Well, I allowed someone to guide me who didn't have the best interest. Okay. And so this was at the top of this year. And it was the city of Austin. Okay. And you have to, you know, fill in all your forms, get an approval. And I thought that they were guiding me properly. And now I just kind of advocate to say, like, even the city doesn't know what they're doing. And I think that we really need to keep looking and holding people accountable. They can't just all be volunteers. We can't just not know what's going on there. And there are very much a lot of, like, silent rooms and closed off.

1:33:54Okay. And I do feel like a public figure, maybe like Spencer Pratt or, like, anyone else who's running. I think Kid Rock is now running for mayor in his area. I think the more you have public figures who fill a stance, maybe innate calling from God or something that is bigger than themselves, those are the proper people to help advocate. I'm not doing it because I'm best friends. I'm not doing it because my family has already done this. I'm not doing this because I'm a lawyer and I can have control trips like some of the people who hold the seat right now for District 5. So in July, I'm officially continuing with the local district seat, District 5.

1:34:33I think that's the proper way to start so I can understand all these administrative issues that I have been caught up in. And then I would love to continue for mayor of Austin. And I think I still can because I started early. Yes. Wow. So you're saying so you're officially running for District 5. Local. Local in Austin. Yes. And then in 2028. Yes. You will be running for mayor. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything wrong with even running early. I don't know why everyone made it out such like a big deal that I announced two years early. Like, didn't they do that for like running for presidency and everything else?

1:35:11I mean, these are big things. OK. It's like overtaking my life. So this is interesting. I had to ask Spencer. Yeah. I had to say, so you're serious. Are you running? So you're saying that you are. Yes, I am. And I was literally at dinner with a friend who was taking me out to a new place. There was a woman who was running for a primary seat, which we've already completed our primary elections and those type of things locally. And she goes, Farrah, the day literally sitting next to me at sushi at this like only like five couples can be in the room. God has me sitting next to a woman who was running for office.

1:35:49she's like Farrah I texted the mayor of Austin the day that that press came out and everyone would like could not believe that this was happening that you were announcing this and she's like good for you and if you want help and support even though I'm like of a different party and everything she's like I'm here call me wow and I think like that's what I love is it's not about what party you're in it's not about your hate one way or the other it's like I'm doing the common good and you can trust me. Okay. And like, I'm not going to get off of that. You have a lot going on, Farrah. And I always think I need to.

1:36:25Yeah. Yeah. You have a lot going on. I'd rather serve people and give back. That really makes my heart happy. Okay. Final question. Yes. Final question. Everyone gets this question. Okay. You've had some incredible conversations in your life. Yeah. Which one stands out as the most memorable? Who was it with and what did you learn? I think I learned a big lesson when I had my last in-person conversation with my grandfather who wanted to choose to die in a hospital. And the nurse was calling me and saying, is he married? Is he not? You need to come here. and she knew me obviously I because of high school she knew me from high school she knew that this was my grandfather I come in I say hey the nurse is saying that you're not taking your medicine you don't want your painkillers you want to die so I'm going to respect that if you tell me to my face that that is what you want I'm not going to keep calling up here saying the opposite and working against you I'm not going to do that and if that is how you feel like I think this was just so big of me because it was hard for my emotions and just not knowing what was going on.

1:37:48But I just had to say, because he just looked at me like, no, and that's how I feel. Yeah, that is how, like, he felt like he was protecting death. Like, I want to die. No one's letting me die. And I'm like, well, why do you want to die, grandpa? Because I'm just like, you know, Sophia's little. She's running around. He helps watch her sometimes. And he's just like, for what? Why live for what? And I think I had learned at that point, you can love someone. He advocated for me in my life. I feel like I'm here because of him. And he does not want to continue on. And it's not everything is lesser than.

1:38:32It's just he hasn't found his reason to continue on and I don't need to work against someone on their last days. And so I hugged him. I said, I hear you. And I just wanted to say, thank you for everything that you think it's going to bring me to tears, but thank you for everything that you've done for me. Thank you for shielding me from abuse when I needed it. Thank you for picking me up. thank you for taking me home with Sophia just thank you and I think that is all I can do when someone wants to check out and I have to respectfully detach yeah and that is the last time I hugged him the last time I ever talked to him like really directly about anything and then literally Sophia and I did call him on his birthday because my mom my mom wasn't respecting that he wanted to die.

1:39:31And so my mom's over there on his birthday and she's like, I'm singing happy birthday to grandpa. And I want you to just sing it with and all this stuff. And I just said, Hey, grandpa, happy birthday from Sophia and I remember I have already hugged you. I've already given you love. I respect your choice and I love you. And I don't want you to think like I'm disrespecting you, but happy birthday. And I still love you. He said, love you. And he literally died the next day. And so I just know like that is so important to kind of have your peace with someone who has made the world, the world to you.

1:40:13I think that has been a very hard lesson in my life is let other people make their choices. I don't know why that's so huge right now. I'll have to figure that out later, but it's been pivotal for me. I'm so cried. I'm so full of joy right now. It's like, I don't even know. I get overwhelmed. No, this is one where you don't have to apologize. I like you in this zone. Yeah, I do. I feel light. Yes, because I think you've been incredibly reflective. And not only have you talked about these moments in your life, but you've brought us literally back to the moment with you. I feel like I've lived part of your life.

1:40:57Yeah, they're beautiful moments. Yes. Yes. Farrah Abram, I appreciate it. I appreciate you. And thank you for all these beautiful memories and this wonderful, like a blessing of an interview. So thank you. I'm happy you're doing your podcast, your show. This is like one of the best, if not the best, probably. I shouldn't, you know, don't want to take anyone else's award away, but one of the best, if not the best, you know. Wings, snudges, you know, don't hurt people's feelings. That's why you're going to win mayor because you're a great politician already. I see it. I see it. I see it. Thank you for the compliment.

1:41:37But truly, though, I truly, I really appreciate you letting us in. And I'm going to give you all of these gifts. Yes, I'm going to steal that letter if you don't give it to me. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm like, that's my daughter's letter. You have the letter. Let me put this back in here for you. Oh, my God. What a gift. Yeah, she, she, she. I'm going to sleep with that next to my pillow tonight. I'm going to hug it. Really? You know, I like you framing it. I like the idea. Yeah, I do. I like to just frame really good, meaningful things. Man, Farrah Abrams. she's like a controlled tornado you could see how losing Derek her first love the father to her child how that has stayed with her through today and I think it's important for us not to look at grief or the healing of grief as a one-off moment it doesn't just happen it's a process or should I say it's more of a continuum.

1:42:38It never ends. And she's proof of that. And I like how she acknowledges that. I was aware that she felt ostracized by her family, but I didn't realize that part of that was because she literally felt as if she looked different. And, you know, it Honestly, it touches me personally because in my family, it's interesting, I was much, I am, much darker complexioned than my parents and my brother. And so that was something I dealt with to the point where people would say, like, where did this guy come from? You know? And so I really, I resonated with that. Oh, wow. She's had some dates. I like... where Farrah is now as far as, I'm just looking for someone to do nothing with.

1:43:36You know, it shows that she's moved on from a place of appreciating these grandiose acts that truly mean nothing. This fire starts coming now closer. I'm like, do I die? Do I stay? Now I'm watching my actual house burn to the ground on the security cameras. Growing up around just A-list movie stars, I wanted to be rich. Jonah Hill was in my class with Kate Hudson, the Jack Blacks. How in the world do you then get on the hills? Oh, my God. Really? You're making me cry right now. Stephanie, you're making yourself cry. I thought I was the puppet master, but I was just full puppet. I remember once a car goes by and girls are screaming, ,, flicking.

1:44:23I was like, oh, wow. But at the time, I was like, dang, I'm so famous. Like, you know, like... Can we talk about your relationship with Heidi? I wouldn't be married if it was not Heidi. I was gonna be a player. That was the plan. But at the same time, I know somebody reached out, wanted to, like, give Heidi and I our own show, and I sabotaged that. Why? It was January 7th. I see the fire so far away up in the mountains. I'm like, oh, we are so good. They're gonna come with the planes and the water. But I don't realize nobody's coming. This is what has inspired you to run for mayor. 100%. I am winning mayor of LA.