Faye Winter EXCLUSIVE: I Was Scared Of Him Coming Home! The TRUTH Behind My Abuse & Love Island’s BIGGEST Argument

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38:52Yeah. So can we talk about Love Island for a second? But more so, how do you get to Love Island? because yeah how so weird how do you get scouted casted i had literally had like a thousand followers on instagram i was i was never in the industry i didn't even know what the industry was and i just got a message on instagram just said we're casting for a new show i think you'd be perfect um email if you're interested i'm getting the email and i was like what like all right god I'll email and you have no idea what show it is no you don't know what show it is no so I was with my best friend Katie at the time she was like yeah yeah you need to do it so we did it we emailed and I just kept going through these rounds and me and her kept laughing because I kept going I'm not getting on the show so it's all a bit of fun and games I've just gone up to London I'm walking I'm tottering through London in this tiny little mini dress with both my lungs hanging out high heels getting wolf whistled out left right and center i i was way out of my day i didn't know what i was doing these big extensions um and what was the cat what were those interviews like what were they asking you to do what was happening i they were they were just like conversations um like and it was always always very much about like who'd want a day what your type is um who'd what how would you react in certain situations i think they knew very quickly i'm very fiery like i will say what's on my mind um i i think i've put up a massive war now that i i won't take any shit like and i think i really loved that i always said like i didn't get on love island i know i didn't get on love island for the way that i purely looked i i would never ever put me in a lineup and say that i am the prettiest girl in the room but i know that i can do good banter I know that I can as I said on my thing I can tear people new ass I can do I I'm not easy to get into and I know that there's a lot of layers to me now um but I think they liked that they liked that can I ask so during that time what year is this 2021 this is 2021 yeah not that long ago no so 2021 you think your personality is 10 out of 10 yeah I think what they want well for what they want I think I'm this like gobby girl like I because I think I didn't really go out from the age of like 18 like I wasn't a party girl then I kind of let my hair down when I got to 24 25 like by the time I was 25 I was out all the time I was like a stray cat can get me in so I was just out and I think I'd built up this this false sense of confidence yes almost like a character it almost yeah like you built up I don't care I don't care what you've got to say I don't care what they've got to say like that's kind of what I had built up and that's what they like they like now you also said you if you put yourself in the lineup you wouldn't consider yourself the prettiest no so how pretty or not pretty did you consider yourself to be i remember in the in one of the challenges we stood around the fire pit and we had to rate ourselves out of like 100 i think i put myself down as like 65 all the other girls were like 90 92 99 and i remember one of the lads and i can't remember if it was toby and he was like faye what are you talking about and i nearly burst into tears stood up because i was like oh my god like shit like i really don't think I'm as pretty as these girls I'm stood here with um like I didn't I didn't see I still I just don't see I don't have that like ego about me where I'm like oh I think that I am I think we've all got flaws and I'm only recently well since I've come out of the villa really learning to love mine um I think I was really hard on myself I think I was really hard on the way that I looked um and I think obviously I tried to mask out with fillers I tried to do everything that I could with it but can I ask then because when you then were accepted right into Love Island you know it's Love Island yeah you know it's a massive massive platform yeah you're thinking I'm accepted because of my because of because of my this character yeah right Right.

43:23Physically, did you what were you thinking with regard to how others would look? Because it's a highly visual show. So what were your thoughts around visually what was going to happen and how everyone else would look? And did you even go for more filler? Did you go for more any any additional procedures going into Love Island? Yeah, so I remember when I went for my promo shoots and shots, I'd had the dodgy Botox, which my whole forehead had basically lapsed. And it was just real, I didn't have an eyebrow arch, my head over lids, it had really screwed my face up. And I remember having my makeup done and my hair done.

44:13And Ryan that does my hair now to this day is the guy I met on that shoot. and I cried and I cried and I was like this isn't how I want my makeup this isn't how and they're like it's fine like you look gorgeous and in that minute you're like you're so excited but also you're so nervous but you've never been put in the situation before like you've got like a whole crew around you you can't let those people down like also I'm like oh my god like this is something that I could go into and do and actually it's a massive fu to every person that's really hurt me and that's how i thought of it and then i did have some more filler when i went into the villa and i had the botox done and that was all just a mess i always remember thinking one i said to my mum and my dad and my sister i said don't worry i won't be on it very long i said they'll have me out in a week i said they won't like me they won't like my personality no one will pick me no one will fancy me don't worry about it i'll be back in a week i took a sabbatical from work i said don't worry about it i'll be back and what were you doing work-wise at that time i was state agent okay and i loved it and that was a thing i felt like apart from romantically every other part of my life was doing really well i had solid friendships i was trying to build up again from maybe losing them during relationships um i had my street rats we'll call them because i was also a street rat which i would go out with and the only thing that was really missing but I wasn't really looking for it either was romance.

45:45Okay so then what was the desire if you had all of those things going for you yeah right what's the desire to land to actually take a role on reality tv because this this is the question that I think yeah is always debated and for my involvement with reality tv I mean over the years I've been shocked, but now I'm no longer shocked as to why. But I find that everyone has different reasons. It's not always to try to get a massive Instagram following or to make money. It could be I just want to F you to two people. And that's the reason why I do it. So what was your reason, your core reason? I think mine was because no one had done it around me.

46:29It was all so new. And I think I did want to go on and I did want to do a massive FU. And also it was a bit of fun. And I would have loved to have found somebody. I would have loved for that. How amazing. What the biggest FU to any person in the world to be like, oh, yeah, I've found my forever. And it's been on national TV. And you've seen us shagging. And that's so fucking great for me. But actually, I think because I did genuinely believe I was going back to work. I didn't think I was going to be on it for the full six weeks. Not in a million years. So I was like, what an accomplishment. Like, it's fun.

47:08It's a bit of fun. I feel like I've been so serious for so many years that actually I deserve just to have a bit of fun in the sun and an all-inclusive holiday. Like, lovely. Why not? Why not? And your friends and family were supportive? Yeah. Well, my dad, not so much. Oh, really? But he didn't really understand it. He's fine. um so yeah it was it was funny because I didn't I just didn't really think that I didn't think of the other options I thought I'd go on be on there for a couple of weeks max because I had to go out for a couple of weeks to quarantine I'd be out there a couple of weeks I'll come back go back to work no everyone would forget about who I am and I can easily do that in Devon okay fair enough so now that you've been off that project for a while yeah and now you can look back yeah and really dissect it all what were what was your experience like like pros and cons not afterwards but just being there with that cast with that production that time of your life how how would you now a couple years removed how would you how do you view it I I loved the show I felt when I was on there I was quite in I felt it I was quite insecure like I didn't want to do the dances I didn't want to do the sexy dances I didn't know how to do my makeup I didn't really have any idea of how to do hair I didn't care about fast fashion I didn't care about what was happening afterwards I remember there was once a conversation in the dressing room where everyone was like oh I'm gonna go into YouTube I want to go into telly what do you want to do Faye and I was literally like um look after dogs I didn't I I didn't know what the doors were going to open and I didn't go in there with that mindset.

48:51So I think a couple of years removed, I was really out of my depth, a lot more so than I even imagined that I would be. I thought that I struggled romantically with new relationships. I always kind of thought that would be the case, that it was going to take a lot for me to go into that show and come out with somebody. But I didn't realise how that would be the same with friendships in there. and also from being from Devon how much I didn't have in common with people like I didn't watch TikTok I didn't know influencers I didn't follow influencers I didn't know I didn't use Instagram as a tool I used it as a bit of fun um so I I think I then really struggled because I was like oh Christ I'm out I'm out of my I'm out of my depth a little bit here but I'm just going to keep being me and I was me throughout that whole process um I never I never filtered myself I never tried to be something I wasn't um so I'll always be proud of her I'll always be proud of that girl um regardless of what happened and I'll always be really proud that she saw it through okay fair enough did you feel like you struggled with friendships um yeah I think I did I think I really did because as much as all the girls were lovely and they were really lovely I think and I still have friends I've got friends from it now which I feel like are more like real friends and their friendships that have grown but I found it quite clicky I suppose in a way and I did really struggle with that sometimes I didn't know who to sit with and I I did struggle a little bit more with that than I thought I would okay fair enough fair enough um so clearly there was a little argument that happened there there was there was a few arguments yeah there were a few arguments you know so what I did is I you know what I find interesting is how we in society, we attribute, we associate people with events, times, and many people associate you with one specific argument that happened.

51:25Now, from your perspective, I want to give you my thought on it, but I want to hear from your perspective, a few years removed when you think about that argument knowing what then transpired how do you view it

51:46i came out and i i didn't know at the time had no idea that obviously it had blown up to the point that it had um i didn't i was really i was really embarrassed when i felt like i was i and And I still to this day, I'm really embarrassed that actually, why didn't you just let people know you're really hurt, Faye? But, and I didn't do that. Like I, oh God, I think up until like now, the last like year, I would always rather people be able to say that they saw me angry than see me upset.

52:27and why didn't you just say like you were really embarrassed and it's embarrassing that playing out in front of people and rather than doing what you usually do where you your first defense mechanism is to get angry and to not let people see that they've really hurt you um so i'm annoyed I'm not annoyed because it's it's happened now and I've I've spent years owning it and apologizing for it and I've never given anyone a reason as to why it could potentially have happened and I didn't ever want people to think that I was copping out I that was my biggest thing when I came out I said I'm gonna own it and regardless of if that is the end of my career in tv I'm going back to a state agency anyway it's fine like i didn't want anyone to think i was copping out or making excuses for the reasons why that happened okay so i i did nothing but apologize for it and looking back i just wish that she had been more confident to be like you've just really hurt me and you really upset me i don't mind people laughing with me but don't laugh at me don't make a mockery of me um and i knew that it started the hurt had started when the postcard had come in and although everyone else on the outside knew that what had been sent in was a lie to me it was like all of my fears and everything that happened was happening again i remember my sister saying there must have been there was an eclipse somewhere i must have been something she said i could tell that you'd been really really upset but not once was it shown on screen that i was i was cried for the other girls and i was upset for the other girls but i never let it show on camera that i was upset um so i just wish that i she could and it's not a weakness to be upset whereas i really saw it as a weakness then I watched it several times, especially in preparation for this.

54:43I said, okay, let me really analyze this. I saw a young woman who was hurt and was in pain and was acting out all that pain. It's almost like when people say, when you get cornered, you feel like you're cornered. When you feel like you're cornered, you then lash out. Yeah. Because there's nowhere else for you to go. And what was worse is it felt like you were in pain, hurt, and alone. Yeah. That's what I took away from it. And then doing all of this research, going into this discussion, and now hearing your previous relationships, it's clear why you would act out the way that you did. Now, there were 25 ,000 Ofcom reports.

55:43So this is one of the most reported incidents in reality TV history. Yeah. And I tried to find the exact complaints. And it's hard to find exact complaints because they're private. But I know that Ofcom did research and they did their investigation and they found that that's within the expectation of that program. Yeah. So no issue. but the fact that there's 25 ,000 people saying that you were abusive saying that you were bullying I mean that must weigh on you I felt like

56:29I felt as though, like my whole life, my whole adulthood, that I was the problem. that's when I was like shit I was the one that I'm the abuse but I am the toxic one I am I didn't listen to individuals when they were saying it to me but I am that is me and I I think in that, I just think when that happens, I just, I put a wall off again. And I was like, no, it's fine. Like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's just TV. It's fine. But then at home, I'm like, really, I'm really struggling. Like, this is really shit. and I think when that happens and again I went to a very alone place and at this point I wasn't in Devon okay I was no friends no family around me I had nothing like I had no one and nothing I just and I remember like when you come out of the show and I just think it felt like there was 25 ,000 people against me but I also had to put on a brave face and just get on with life because life doesn't stop life doesn't stop with me like it doesn't I have to keep going and you're getting pulled from pillar to post and no one really even explained to me like what that meant like I don't even know I still don't know to this day like what would have happened if Ofcom did find me guilty of it I don't know I don't know what that would have meant for me but I just remember feeling like I'd let everyone down I'd let mum down let my dad down and let my sister down like everyone close to me I just remember being like oh my god I've let everyone down and I then need to try and find a way out of it I need to try and find my way through it but it got a hell of a lot worse before it got better you were you said that you were not in devon no so you had you moved in with your partner from the show yeah you two moved in okay so despite the argument you reconciled yeah like i think he was he was he was fine about it in the end like i had apologized i think also on the show it didn't me show like the way my full apology and the way that I had apologized to him for it I spent 18 months trying to make up to him and like prove that I wasn't that person and that I'm not somebody that's always on the defensive but at the same time I wasn't that I didn't I didn't trust him I was in just a real vulnerable vulnerable state yeah it from everyone I've talked to and of many friends who have been on love island that the the months afterwards yeah are just you know you can't describe it no the emotions being pulled to do various things so if you could your best just try to describe that because you're in a new relationship yeah this is now your third significant relationship but that happened on television so in a way you kind of get an f you kind of did send f you to to the two exes but then in a way not because of the public now yeah because like the tide is against you you didn't return to work so what what is happening in your life in those months after love island um i after love island it's you you're getting pulled you're trying to get management i didn't know that was a thing you get a manager i was like what does that mean how do you find one of them you get sent through a list um and it kind of feels like when you come out of love island you've already got a path that's been carved for you and it's very one-dimensional it's very fast fashion beauty hair and i didn't want to do any of that so i'd lost my career i was going to all these events which i didn't care about i didn't care about the people that were at the events i didn't care to impress anybody or get photos taken me or or get papped or any of that i was trying to do interviews um my dad got covid and we and he was in intensive care and then i just i i remember just feeling so lost i remember just feeling like what am i meant to do because none of this stuff that i'm meant to be caring about i care about.

1:01:40I don't want to be here, I don't want to be in this house, I don't want to be, and whereas my partner at the time, I would say he thrived on it a bit more than I did. Again, I went back to the person that I would rather be at home, but it didn't feel like home it felt really empty like all the pillars of my life were crumbling yeah that's the only way i can describe it and i didn't want to be here anymore i didn't want to be here you didn't want to be i didn't want to be here like i knew that i in my heart of heart everything would just be easier if i wasn't here and i know a lot of people go why do people say that when they've on reality tv why do it like why but also we're doing reality tv like this wasn't a thing 10 years like it just started out 10 years ago you're obviously going to get these people now that are going through it and realizing that some things need to change some things need to give but I just remember thinking like I don't I don't want to be in this house I don't want to be around these people I don't want to be doing this job I feel worthless and I'm alone again I'm alone at home and I am struggling with this whole concept of this world that I don't feel like I fit into

1:03:11so i remember saying i'm getting a dog dogs are saving you out here they're saving you yeah and i remember the time i was just getting the dog and that was that wasn't that wasn't in my partner's eyes that wasn't happening didn't want the dog did not fit into the lifestyle yeah Yeah, yeah. Because you say he's thriving off of it. Yeah. Because some people do thrive. Yeah. But I would say the majority end up in that situation that you just described. Yeah. Feeling lost. But there is the percentage who say, you know what, this is what I wanted. Yeah. I wanted to be out at this event. I wanted to be papped.

1:03:59I wanted the fast fashion deals or whatever. Yeah. So your partner wanted that. You didn't want that. Is that one of the reasons why the relationship didn't work? Yeah, I think certainly that was one of the massive reasons. There was always question marks over if I trusted him. And I know that I didn't trust him. And I know for good reason now that I shouldn't have. And again, being told that, no, you're wrong. it's in your head all and i've i just wish every time it happens to me i always say i just wish i trusted my gut every time i've trusted my gut it's been right if that's in a good or a bad situation she's always been right and i i didn't trust him going out in the end and i didn't and And then I would resent him for going out because I didn't know what messages or videos or anything that I was going to get by the end of that night.

1:05:08And that was a really shit place to be in. Interesting, because he's now a public figure. Yeah. So people are spotting him with other people, sending you messages, sending you videos. Yeah, and I didn't. And also I came out of Love Island and people were like, he's better than her. He'll see her true colours one day. Oh, that's true. Okay. We've had the argument, but also on an attractive level, I wasn't as attractive as him in many people's eyes. So I was fighting a battle of, in my own head, am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? but then at home I was also battling the fact that I knew I wasn't pretty enough and I knew I wasn't good enough because otherwise why don't you just want to stay at home with me and why don't you want to cuddle on the sofa with me and I'm really struggling and I know you're getting on really well and it's not about me bringing you down but it's about a support and right now it's not a partnership this isn't a partnership this is we're two separate people living together but you've got everything you love around you and everything you ever wanted around you whereas I've got nothing.

1:06:20I've got nothing at all. And I'm... Yeah, I just... And then I just remember that I was getting... I had said that I was getting Bonnie and I knew that I was getting Bonnie. And the night before I was getting Bonnie, and I think this was the moment I knew we were over, was he went out and I just knew that... he knew that getting Bonnie was so important to me that if I was important to him, he would have celebrated that moment with me and he would have wanted to have been there. He would have wanted to have done this as a partnership. Like, a dog is a commitment and I hope for 17 years, 18 years she'll be in my life.

1:07:10And I just, in that moment, I was like, this isn't how I pictured it, this isn't how I wanted it. And I stayed at home, I watched Happy Gilmore. And I remember I texted, have a good evening, like, have a lovely evening, if you want to pick it up, please let me know. And he didn't get home until at five o 'clock in the morning. And I had to be up at eight to go and get my new puppy. And I just knew in that moment that the life that I wanted wasn't the life that we were building together. we weren't going in the same direction and it's not what we wanted um so and then once I got born like she gave me that confidence again and I felt needed and I felt I had to look after I had something else bigger than me bigger than my life I had her life to worry about um and she's i'll say time and time again she saved me she saved me and i owe my life to my dog and then i've never looked back since i got her i got a bit like i got a bit of my confidence back i'd like lost so much weight and i didn't i didn't like myself i didn't know what was doing i didn't know what my purpose was but she was my purpose at that moment and she still is to this day wow so you got bonnie yeah uh you were able to split up yeah with your partner did you move back to devon at that point okay i mean back to devon everyone told me do not move back to get devon don't move back to devon your career is done like you can't go back to devon like you can't live in devon when all the work and everything is in london you have to live in london I couldn't have stayed in London I come up like today I come up I go home and for me that's that's perfect I moved back and I lived on my own just me and Bonnie and it's the least lonely I've ever felt in my whole entire life everything just started to fall into place and it was just like I never needed to try and change myself to fit into this world you'd fit this world around you I know that I've just been truly myself going back down to Devon and showing people as well that there is different parts of the UK that you can live in.

1:09:37You can do that. Right. It's not all in London. Yeah. And you don't have to be 70 years old to move to Devon, all right? We do like young people too. Although you said you just got Uber, right? Yeah. No. Oh, you don't even have Uber? Only Uber eats. But there's no Uber. No, no, no, no. No Uber. God forbid. No, I mean, I think there is Uber, but it actually is linked to just one taxi car. It's the same person. Yeah, it is one person only. It's just a slower way of life. Yes. And I think for me and the way my brain works, I need that. Yeah. You know what? We all need that. One of the things that I find really interesting that you're saying, and it falls in sync with everyone I've talked to in terms of the increase of their well-being.

1:10:22Yeah. is how important environment is in our well-being. You know, we had Jamelia on Popstar, right? And she talked about moving. And once she moved, that environment put her on the pathway to having stronger well-being. Yeah. And to your point, everything just falls in place. Yeah. Environment is everything. Yeah. it's like our environment either protects us from stress or magnifies our stress and it sounds like you get into your devon cocoon and it just is like a massive wall against stress but did you get help because did you have therapy as well going back did you get therapy yeah i had therapy when i came out of the villa i had therapy um you get given like eight sessions and then if you need it extending you need it extending and i needed it extending a lot so and i think therapy is one of the greatest things that no one should ever be ashamed to talk about or or go to or reach out for um yeah i was in it i was in it every week to the point because there was a point where i couldn't go to the shops on my own so i wouldn't i wouldn't leave my house i wouldn't leave um and my therapist would go to the shops with me she would get me out of the shop and there was one time that she wanted to leave me in an aisle on my own and I was like physically shaking like I couldn't let her leave me because of I think it was just everything I think it was I was worried that someone hated me and somebody was gonna say something do something I was worried that I didn't know where I was.

1:12:00I felt really lost. I felt not like lost just emotionally. I physically felt a bit lost. Like I always had to use my sat-nav and I didn't know where things were in the shop and I didn't really like wandering around looking lost. And so I had to do all of that. And then I moved out. Dev and I haven't had one therapy session since. Wow, look at that environment. Yeah. Look at how environment changed. Well, apart from this one. But you know, what I thoroughly enjoy about these conversations is they are therapeutic. Yeah. Because what I've noticed is that everyone who watches and listens, they see themselves through the guest.

1:12:38They have gone through similar experiences with partners, similar experiences in life or at their work, et cetera. And it helps them to understand they're not alone. You said you didn't feel comfortable going to the grocery store. You didn't feel comfortable leaving. You felt threats. I have specifically seen many of the words and the phrases that you got through social media. But I think we have to spend a moment there because people were proactively attacking you. And this was coming off of Love Island, but then it continued. Where people were directly into DMs, on comments. Were people telling you in person?

1:13:24Did you ever, were you ever at an event or walking down the street or did anyone ever verbally attack you? Not that I can really recall. I mean, there was things that would be like shouted at or there was a couple of times where I would have been with my partner and she would talk like I wasn't there. Or like, why are you still with her? And I would be like, OK, don't worry about it. And then I think that's when I just stopped really wanting to go out as much, but not really, not that I can recall that there was anything towards me. I wouldn't say that there was any like ever any like aggression from anybody, but also I wouldn't put myself in situations to be for that to happen.

1:14:12But the keyboard warriors. Yeah, they were there. They're still there. Like you can't ever, I don't think I'll ever get rid of them. like I still get comments like messages all the time I've just watched your season and I just want to let you know that I think you're the worst person walking planet I still get that and then but now more so I think to myself look like that's fine you think that you can think what you want of me but I know in my heart of hearts I try and put as much good into this world that I possibly can and that show exposed really dark parts of me, but I was able to work on them, and I've been able to work on them, and I realized that's not how I wanted to be, and that's not who I ever was.

1:14:56That's not who I was, and that's not who I wanted to be. So it's allowed me to now really push the parts of me that I want to do and where I want to be in life. Yes, and what you just said is poetic. that is that it exposed that was not who you were insecurity makes us think it's about who we are but it's actually about who we believe we are so when you change your belief you change the insecurity so one of the ways that you were able to change was through moving clearly you had therapy as well your dogs obviously anything else that you've done in your life that's really allowed you to gain that security and more self-acceptance I think any of the work I do around charity I do so much what I do more work for charity than I do any amount of paid work I just I love my charity work and if I could do charity work all day every day I would and I think I think I did like last year, I did like the Copperfield track and I went away with amazing women that they have been through cancer, going through treatment.

1:16:12They've got family members that they've lost to breast cancer. These women are going through major things that make my issues seem so small. And doing that was a massive eye opener. One of our first guests, Will Storr, talked about that. Talked about one of the best things that we can do in life in terms of gaining self-acceptance is to give. Yeah. Right? Give to others. And you've poured yourself into these charities. You know, it's interesting. I was doing an Instagram stalk of you. Oh. And I was like, geez, all she does is post about charities. Dogs and charities. Dogs and charities. Charities and dogs.

1:16:55That is me. Dogs and charities. And now the horses as well. The horses, they're in there as well now. Occasionally you'll get a little home re-model in there. Yeah, well, that's meant to be a separate page, but I mean, that's a whole nother... People don't realise it's such hard work to do that, but also I've never been somebody that can do like a lovely, posy, beautiful Instagram picture. I get so awkward about that, and unless I'm posting for a reason, I don't really want to be... I don't want to post. Like, I want my page to be about good things and things I do for a reason but I love my I love it and I would do it all day every day I mean recently like this week I put out a petition with Camp Beagle to stop animal testing and I didn't realize actually sometimes the power that I posted once and the people around me that obviously now know what I do and I do for good reason they everyone has jumped on it and we got over 100 found some signatures in 48 hours which was for me that's my biggest like they're my big achievements in life yeah if somebody turns around and says in a newspaper that i signed a deal and got a got paid 100 grand for it that doesn't enlight it doesn't enlighten my soul like it doesn't cause a fire in my belly doing things like that does and i think we're in a world where people are so driven by finance and money and actually when you get given it and you could take every penny that anyone wants to give you you realize it doesn't make you happy doesn't make you happy at all um and i think now i realize more than ever how important it is to give back because people have given me a platform and with that platform i want to be a voice for those that don't have one but when you think about how many people you know so my son uh my oldest he's 14 and one of the top professions that 14 year olds in the uk want you know what it is influencing YouTuber, influencer.

1:19:09I can imagine it. And so in a way, you have, I have, played this role of basically persuading the youth to say, this is what you should do. Yeah. So how do you feel about that? Because honestly, this is one of these where I talk about this with my wife all the time. What's your thought? I think I've always said that for as long as anyone follows me, I want if they can take something away from my page that they're going to use going for for the rest of their life. If that be donating an hour, donating five pounds a month, if it's that they want to go out and track or that there's even communities out there for them when they're feeling low.

1:19:58Or I've always wanted to be an influence on people for a reason. I could never want to influence anyone to buy the next new pair of jeans or the next launch of a dress. It doesn't, I don't feel like that is what I want to use my influence for. I think young people in general associate influencing with money. And I don't like that thought. I don't like that that's what people are wanting to do it for. I want people to do it because they're different and I want them to be able to use their difference and be proud to be different. Whereas at one point I was really ashamed to be different. When I came out of the villa and I was like, oh my God, what am I doing?

1:20:50Okay, I need to take a picture against a wall or against some stairs. I look back at that and I'm like, why are you trying to fit in? whereas actually people are more engaged in my life with my dog with my horses with being a woman that's on her own and doing it for her and actually to not be ashamed to use your differences to influence others yes well said yeah i think that's well well said well said influence doesn't have to equate money no you know uh well said that was that was that was poetic oh my god i've got a new i've got a drama poet yeah you are you you're a poet didn't know it um all right so you were back at devon but you then enter another relationship because you're busy busy you're busy but but but do you feel like that has been your life though is kind of going from relationship to relationship to relationship or did was there a gap of time after your love island partnership I call it um and then your that subsequent relationship was there a gap oh yeah I would still say that I've been this has been my single time I wouldn't say that it was more of a relate I would say that it was a couple of dates it wasn't really anything serious on my behalf so I wouldn't class it as a relationship after my love island relationship all right fair enough so i feel like since love island to now um i've been single well since that relationship ended i have been single so i did i i did want to start dating i wanted to be celibate for a year okay and i did that um very easy actually i didn't realize how easy that would be i thought oh my god um but yeah i i was i then i met somebody just out and about and it was he wasn't my usual type um he wasn't somebody i'd usually go for but i thought everyone else i've gone for in my past that's been what i would say is my type has not worked out so let's go for somebody for their heart rather than what they look like and i hope somebody will do the same with me one day and we i went on a couple of dates and then the next thing I know he's turning up my house and uninvited and invite yeah uninvited and not just once it was multiple times to the point that I felt unsafe he might have been seeing this as a really romantic gesture but to me I felt it was so weird I I've just felt so at odds with it so when he would show up yeah uninvited yeah you would just what knock on the door hey i'm here yeah so the first time that happened and my door was like a carbon door with no spy holes so i couldn't see if anyone but there was a panel of glass next to the door so i i looked out and i saw him stood there and i was like this is so it's it's weird um and by this point i'd said like i'm really sorry like this isn't going anywhere oh wow you've already told him this yeah yeah so i've been on a couple of dates okay i i'm not feeling it i'm really sorry this isn't what i want to do like it isn't something that i'm gonna be going forward with and he turns up at my house and i open the door and he's got bread busk and i was like okay like in my head i was just thinking what the puck to begin with but also oh he's turned up with a bread basket like it's sweet i suppose like i don't really know how to feel about it so he's can i come in and i was like no not really i don't it is not convenient i think it's like have you got someone in there with you i was like no it's not about that you're just not coming into this safe space so we spoke for a little bit and he just didn't want me to end the date in the situation.

1:25:01I said, we've only been on two dates. Like, it's not that deep. I don't, but I felt really awkward. Luckily, it was my mum's birthday. So really sorry, I've got to go. I'm going to my mum's for her birthday. And that was that. And then the next month, I got stuff sent to my house. Then he turned up again. And then he turned up again. my friend was there which was katie and i it was actually when i was moving out of my house because i was buying my other house so i was moving so it was all over the place katie had come and helped me pack some boxes up and i think because i'd put on instagram saying that i was moving it triggered him that he wouldn't know where i was going to be going to so he came down katie answered the door and she was shocked she was like i don't understand it i don't why you why are you here kind of thing um then he disappeared that she said oh i'm just looking after bonnie he tried to like say oh i'll speak to bonnie she was like no no it's fine bonnie's in the house i don't i don't know you so i'm really sorry no is fay gonna be back tonight she was like i don't know we we haven't made a plan she's had a bit of bad news and it was actually when my dog my family dog had passed um so she's a bit here there and everywhere which was true but she was really good at thinking on her feet because she could have just been like oh yeah Faye's in here Faye come out but she knew I felt uncomfortable around this situation and I was hid in my utility room in my own house and then did you feel you were in physical danger not at that point not at that point I just thought it was a bit weird I thought it was just a bit strange and I didn't want Katie to leave okay so i wanted katie to stay with me um and she did um and then he disappeared and then he came back and knocked on the door again that same night same day yeah and um he gave her some cookies and granted i put them on my instagram that they were like my favorite type of cookies but it was just at this point it was it was just all a bit strange and luckily she was still there and she was like this kid she was like thank you she was like i'm really sorry i don't know when faye's gonna be back shut the door um and then he sent some presents for bonnie for her birthday goodness and then and i mean this is now he's he is stalking you it was it was strange behavior yeah strange behavior yeah or or stalking i wouldn't know what the definition of stalking is to be fair but i would normally i would associate stalking with maybe when i'm out about like following me okay see i would i i haven't really thought about it like okay so i i had to do some research on this oh wow okay yeah this fae is clearly without question stalking There are five different, usually stalkers are categorized in one of five types of profiles.

1:28:14Right. Okay. One is rejected, someone who was rejected. Two, resentful. Three, an intimacy seeker. Four, an incompetent suitor. And five, predatory. So this sounds like this was an intimacy seeker. but also someone who's probably rejected as well. There's probably a couple in there. But this is specifically, specifically. So here's what stalking is. Stalking is two or more incidents that causes distress, fear, or alarm, including sending unwanted messages, a person awaiting outside of your home or work, or if you're being followed or watched. Wow. That is the definition of stalking. Yeah, he's a stalker then.

1:29:09At what point does he stop stalking? I moved house. So it was right up until the moment I moved house. So the last time it happened, I was actually at home alone. I'd just got back from my holiday with my friend. And I was sat on my sofa, no makeup on, watching Emily in Paris. and I just saw him walk up my driveway and I couldn't believe it because he lived hours away. It wasn't like he lived round the corner, he lived hours away from me. There was no reason for him to be in the area.

1:29:46And this one really did distress me because I rang my sister. Poor, my poor sister. Literally crying like, he's here. Like, he's here again. like why the fuck won't he leave me alone like what the fuck does he want and her and her boyfriend jumped in the car and we came up to my house um just to see if he was around and she was like don't open the doors i'm not opening i'm never i'm not opening the door until you get here um and he'd left a bone outside of my house and i assume it was for bonnie like a bone but it was just a bit weird and my sister was like that's good and we just put it in the bin and then my sister's boyfriend he jumped in the car drove around and i gave him his number so i gave my sister's boyfriend his number okay because at this point i've sent him i've sent him a text before the one before this saying this is now weird it has to stop i haven't spoken to you for months this has to stop i don't know at what point you realize that this isn't okay um i haven't responded we haven't spoken you're turning up to my safe space and this is now not okay um and then my sister's boyfriend took his number and i don't know what he done with it i don't know if he called i don't know if he messaged i don't know he's never spoken to me about it And I just choose not to ask because I just, it's a situation where I don't really want to be reminded of it.

1:31:18It makes my skin crawl when I think about it. Yeah. It's incredibly scary. You know, I, so it seems like you hear a story like this. Yeah. It's rare, right? But it's not. One out of seven people in the UK have been a victim of stalking. Wow. Think about that. That's a significant percentage. And it's a disproportionate amount, right? So a much larger percentage of women who have been stalked. That's crazy. It's mad. And it's one of those where this is one of those areas that is also not discussed. Yeah. But we need to discuss it. Because once you know that is stalking, you now know that you can, once you've defined the thing, you can do something about the thing.

1:32:06Yeah. And it seems like what you did was also what you did in the past, which was the right move, and that is tell someone. Yeah, and it's always my poor sister. It is. It's like your sister. Why did you give your sister? Your sister needs some good birthday gifts. She's doing great. I took her to the Maldives last year. She's fine. That's what I'm saying. Was it a private jet? She got business. She's fine. She's fine. All right. That's good. she's amazing but she is always that person that i call always but she probably does think she's such a problem child yeah but clearly she loves you oh she loves more than anything and the same i love her more than life so it's it's so it's just weird how it's always her bless her and it's the situation where you don't talk about it i've not spoken about that at all yes like it's it's fine over there and no i just hope that i don't see him again yeah again uh let's let's let's hope not uh but but if so then it definitely deserves to be reported yeah you know officially well if i find my new house and that is a problem yes yes can we talk about another area and then anything else you want to talk about and this is an area that i've found myself discussing more and more often with guests yeah i'm fascinated by it and that's cosmetic surgery oh okay yeah yeah yeah so i know a lot about yeah this is one and the reason why i'm so fascinated is because i have seen the trend where the trend a few years ago was bigger breasts bigger lips bigger butt right etc and then you see the trend now smaller breasts smaller butt etc and i say the trend the trend within certain circles, not all circles.

1:33:56Let me say that. Now, what do you believe is your responsibility? Being someone who was on television and was identified for breast enhancements or lip or fillers or et cetera, what do you believe your responsibility is, if any, when it comes to people's decision today to have cosmetic surgery? Cosmetics is actually something I will always speak about. I think that there is a taboo around it and I think that it's not so black and white as people want to make out. I think people get surgery for so many different reasons and one thing that I was very insecure about what they wear my breasts when I was growing up I always had small breasts um and I always knew that I wanted to have breast enlargement when I was in my teens I always knew that was something I was gonna get um I think my responsibility is to make people aware of the complications and also to make sure as I've been trying to do to get certain parts regulated I think we're in the UK where it's so unregulated it's scary um but also to educate people around it I I didn't love my body and I absolutely didn't and me having my breasts weren't down to the fact of a trend they were because of my insecurities and they gave me the confidence and I remember I'd done a podcast with my mum actually when I first came out the villa and my mum said when Faye had her breasts done for the first time her shoulders went back her chin went up I saw this confidence flow out of her um so I know it was the right decision for me um to do that but I would love to be sat here and say everyone should love their bodies and don't get any work done and you're beautiful as you are some people don't feel like that and it's okay not to feel like that and it's okay to go for your consultations and it's okay i think that we all deserve to be the most confident version of ourselves and if you've got to make a small change to do that who is anybody to tell you that you can't fair enough fair enough what about the identification though of reputable um physicians yeah and even and it seems like you don't even have to be a physician to do this.

1:36:26And then also this whole trend around running to Turkey. So once again, my son, I talk about him all the time because his friends now, they watch the podcast. They watch the television shows I do. And so they're constantly talking to me. They're giving me the, here's what the 14, 15 year old say. And I'll never forget, they were watching, I think they were watching Married at First Sight and they said it looks like everybody's running to Turkey now that's the place they're like that's the place to get your teeth done and I said why is that the place they said that's where you get the best teeth and I said really I mean I know that it's incredibly inexpensive to do it but is that the best place to do it so what's your opinion on how to source the best cosmetic I don't know because there's not physicians right i think i did a lot of research into mine and i had to look at what was important to me so at the time i knew i wanted to get mine done in devon because i wanted to be close to home in case anything went wrong um so and also i know it sounds silly but word of mouth i know that sounds so silly but i had my breast done and now i think most of my friends have gone to the same consultant that i went to yeah um do you get referral fees i wish yeah i know no i don't But he's amazing.

1:37:50And I always, always remember, because I turned 18 on the Friday. I went for my first consultation on the Monday. Wow. I knew I wanted my breasts done. And I had them done a month after my 18th birthday. Really? And can I ask, at what age did you know you wanted breast enhancement? When I was 14, I'd say. Maybe 13. Mind blow. This is, so I've asked several people, Catherine Ryan, et cetera, who have been on. This tends to be, that's the age. Yeah. Yeah. but I remember I went to him and I went with my mum for my first one and I remember him saying I wouldn't do anything to your daughter that I wouldn't do to my own and he was very straight up and honest with me he you are very small on top like that you probably aren't going to develop any any further or much bigger until you at least have children and at that point I was like I don't want children I don't want them no thank you um and definitely not if they're going to ruin my my lovely small breasts so um i and i remember him saying it so clear as day and my mum said i've i trust him i trust that he wouldn't do it and i only had a small implant put in i went to probably like a c cup um which is is small and then after my first relationship um i got the money from my house and then i went and got big old whoppers put in just because i just didn't want him to know what i looked like naked but that was my decision and that was on me so but again i don't i don't regret them i don't regret having them done i think there will be a point where i will have them removed i don't think that there is going to be a look that i want forever it's not going to be something that i'm i don't think i'm going to want fake breasts when i'm in my 50s or 60s and as it might be actually sooner than than that i think i'm so confident in myself now that actually there's it's a part of my body that maybe before made me feel sexy but now i just feel like they're in the way all the time interesting so now i feel like they're not i wanted them to look sexy for my younger days but now i'm approaching and into my 30s i'm not really looking going for the same look like they're never unless they're out in like a bikini i've never have them out all the time whereas i used to always have them out i'd always wear like a big push-up bra and um but when it comes to regulating the industry in regards to filler and Botox there is there is absolutely nothing out there there's no regulations at all and it's something I found myself in the middle of especially when I was going on to Love Island um and they would just were pumping me full of filler and it wasn't like a stop no think about it no nothing it's a massive money maker in the UK and it's not regulated and how are people finding is it through social media predominantly yeah lots of social media and then people that train other people to do it aren't even medically qualified so for me because a lot of people get angry and upset at the fact that I talk about this and and for me most good practitioners they wouldn't mind going for another for a year's course or some kind of medical course that you then could do this but you don't have to do it so why would they um but it is a real quick money maker and is not always for the right reasons yeah but why do people get upset with you talking about this with you actually spreading knowledge around this i think because a lot of people see as it's their income it's their way of life it's how they put bread on their table and i'm talking about it as if they shouldn't be doing it and i think i understand i can understand why people get upset because i mean if it was my industry and i'd gone into it and i can understand i'd be like we talk about don't don't close me down it's how i make my money um so i get it but at the same time i can't stop talking about it because i've been that person that's had the dodgy filler and botox i've been the person that has been gone home and cried for weeks and weeks because my face doesn't look the same i was the one that went on national tv and came off it and thought what the earth have i done to my lips i i was that person and i wouldn't want the younger generation now I want them to learn from me and I want to be able to help them um rather than just a lot of people go and have filler and have Botox and have cosmetic surgery especially in the public eye and their influencers for free to promote it which I think there's a danger in that as well yes you know so of course I had to do a little bit of research oh no of course had to do a little bit of research now this is this was the wild one this is a recent study 80 this is from bbc 80 of brits who get anti-wrinkle injections suffer adverse side effects including swelling bruising headaches and in some cases drooping of the eyelids yeah that's 80 percent 91 of people who received a procedure that went wrong they found their practitioner where social media yeah I can I can believe it 90 91 percent found on social media and it feels like what the eye what we do is go to social media look to see what influencers yeah have endorsed whoever and then how many followers that particular practitioner has and that's where people go yeah for sure I can see I can see I've done it myself like I know that that is the case and it's so sad that people can use any social media platform as kind of a register of who to use for what i know social media is an amazing platform and it can be used for such good things but also as well it needs to be it needs to be a regulated industry like there's no doubt about it and we are one of the only countries that has it unregulated which blows my mind interesting yeah we are one of the only countries that has it unregulated crazy and it also it would just it it would just make sense but also we're then putting pressure on like our nhs we're putting pressures on every other part because people are going to a and e because their filler is it it's blood it's burst a blood vessel it's it's not where it should be they and it's so there's a knock-on effect of it and then you've got people that are trying to fight one another to get the lowest deals and not using there's some brands out there that will only work with medics um and then some that will just do to anybody and botox you have to be a legal prescriber to be able to prescribe botox it's a toxin and so many people out there are doing botox without the patient seeing their prescriber which is illegal but people don't know it look at that so you have to keep talking about it i know but there's lots of things i'm trying to talk about and spin plates here and try to build a house so So maybe that one's dropped a little bit.

1:44:52Maybe I'll bring it back up. All right, fair enough, fair enough. All right, so then a question that everyone gets. My favorite question right at the end is, you've had many amazing conversations throughout your short life. If you think about the one that stands out the most, who was it with? What was the lesson that you learned from it? I reckon it will have to be with my mum when she turned around to me and said tell me a lie and I'll be your biggest enemy I think that conversation um will stick with me and I think that's where I get such a strong sense of loyalty from um so yeah I think be honest with those that you love the most and and actually tell people when they've upset you I think that's the biggest thing that's the best conversation but I haven't always lived by it Oh, my God.

1:45:45But yeah, I think actually it's one. It's something that I always say. It's something that I always think of in my mind that when I think about my mom and dad, it's something that they've always how they put me up. Yes. I love that. That stood with me. And I can see how that played out in your life. I could see how every part of your childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, early relationships, how it played a role in the next relationship or the next event in your life. And I think your story is one of true resilience. It is. Don't you think so? Yeah, maybe. It's of true resilience. And I think what it tells us is stop judging.

1:46:36Yeah. You never know what someone is not only going through, but what they have gone through. it's very true that is very true and when you think about your story you've gone through the storm yeah and you've come out of the storm right yeah and you're better because of the storm you know yeah and i will say i have loved this conversation i've loved learning more about you and i am very excited about your next chapter i can't wait to see what you do but i bet you it's going to involve dogs and your sister yeah yeah and the horses don't forget that they're part of the family no for true that is so true oh yeah as long as i've got those things i'll get for anything yeah yeah that's what i see i see horses dogs your sister i don't know what but it'll involve those so thank you

1:47:37loved it yeah absolutely loved it yeah i tell you what it blew my expectation it did and i think it was because i didn't know who faye was really i kind of just knew her as i had a massive blow up on love island but now i see like i i see the person behind that yeah and I think that's something, that's a story that many of us don't have. I think because I engage in so many conversations like this, I almost, I'm there, I'm empathetic, but I also detach and look at it from a, try to look at it from a holistic perspective. And I tried not to be pulled in emotionally, but I was pulled in emotionally on this conversation.

1:48:29And I'll tell you, the moment that it cemented for me was when Faye was talking about leaving Love Island and receiving all of those Ofcom comments. People calling her, you know, terrible words that we don't even have to repeat. But the point that got me was when she said, and I believed it. so her entire all of these relationships that she had prior were these toxic relationships that were destroying her self-worth and she was pointing the finger her her first major relationship she was abused physically and verbally abused her second relationship infidelity right happens so she's walking away from all these relationships feeling lower and lower self-worth, wondering, am I the reason why these people did this to me?

1:49:21She's on Love Island, and now the public is saying, yes, you are the reason. And she, for the first time, believes it. And I thought, how alone and hurt and in pain she must have felt in that moment. That got me. Every time I bring up her name, everyone reminds me of the argument between Faye and Teddy. So the fact that she's known for this one moment, it has to feel painful. And then to see how emotional she is, four years since that moment, shows how heavy that time was for her. But I feel as if this was an opportunity for her to get that weight off. and give us an insight as to what were her life experiences that led to that moment happening.

1:50:17You know, until this podcast, I was not aware of how prevalent domestic violence is. And we see now one in four within the UK have suffered at the hands of domestic violence and a very small percentage report. The question becomes, what do you do? And I think what Faye exhibited was something that many of us can do, and that is to reach out to someone who we know loves us and allow that person to be our lifeline. And that's what she did.

1:51:05Thank you.