I Had £60 Left When I Met The Love Of My Life: We’re Talking Love Stories

0:00Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, Lorna Luxe shares the deeply personal story of her relationship with her late husband John. From a chance meeting on a night out to a love that felt certain from the very beginning.

0:42Can we talk about John? Yeah. Because there's so many. I mean, let's talk about how you met John. Because I saw a video with John describing how he met you. Really? Yes. I must have seen this video. Yes. Well, technically, you were in it. Was I in it? Yeah. Yeah, you were in the video. But meeting John, what was that moment when you met him? Because you were still at Virgin. I was still at Virgin. Okay. And I'd done a four-night Antigua. I really liked the crew on that trip. And I remember there was a guy on the crew who was quite – he'd been there quite a long time. He was a bit older. And he was like, I'll set you up with one of my mates.

1:21You're going to be fine. You don't need to date that sports guy. He was a cricketer, and this guy loved cricket. Okay. And so when I told him I'd split up with this guy, he was like, oh, well, he was rubbish at cricket anyway. So you better off without him. And I thought, I like you. You're a good guy. And so that Saturday, that weekend when we got back from Antigua, me and a couple of the girls on that flight decided to go out in Brighton. And we went into a bar and I spotted the guy that was on the flight. Not planned. He just happened to be there as well. Okay. And he was with John. That was his friend.

1:49And the story, as John says, is that he saw me walk in the bar and he was like, I couldn't take my eyes off you. and so I said to my my mate said he knew he knew me and so he said to Steve can you introduce me to that girl and so he said yeah come on we'll go and chat to them and I couldn't understand why this guy was just talking at me and he was going through a divorce he was talking a lot of trauma dumping and like really like offload and I was like oh my god but very sweet and then we went to a nightclub and they kind of hung on we were like we're gonna go to the club now and they were like okay welcome and I remember having about 60 quid left in my bank account and I said to John and the other guys I was like can I get you a drink and I don't think John heard what I said so I just went and got them drinks and then when I brought the drinks back it was like 40 quid so I've only got 20 quid left now for the rest till Monday and I remember him saying no you didn't have to buy me a drink and I was like oh no I wanted to and I think he was really touched by that and so he said can I have your number?

2:54And I was like, no, but I'll have yours. And then that very night when I got in, I texted him and just said it was lovely to meet you. And that was kind of how we met. Look at that. Look at that. And then what happened next? Because I think that's the part in everyone's romance story that we want to hear. Because that was beautiful. Yeah, that was cute. That was cute. That was cute. That was cute. But then what happened next? Yeah. How does the relationship actually form? So he was quick on the texts. Okay. And so once he had my number, he asked me out on a date. He gave me options, which I now realize is a very John thing to do.

3:32It's not because he's not confident. He's just, you know, these are your options. So the text message was so long, it was like an essay. Okay. And I remember just replying back, Brown's, 7 p.m. And that was it. So he gave you options, different restaurants. Yeah. And I was being cool and like, whatever. and I liked that he was over keen and I remember I arrived early but he'd already been there an hour waiting and he'd got a bottle of wine not a glass and I liked that I was like this guy's confident and he's older he's 21 years older so he had an innate confidence about him that I just really was attracted to and he was very kind I mean that's the takeaway from anyone that meets John he's just genuinely kind and we just got into this rhythm of dating and every date we would always go back to his place for a nightcap and I would never stay over but when I left there would always be a gift he'd always gone to somewhere like he went to Space NK or he went to you know L 'Occitane or wherever and he'd always get me some kind of beauty or skincare goodies in a little bag and this went on for weeks and also the cab back to his was eight quid from Kemptown to Hove oh my Thank goodness.

4:45But he always gave me a£20 note when I got in the cab. And at first I just thought, oh yeah, I'm just dating this older guy, like it's a bit of fun, that kind of thing. I'm not really, you know, it's not going to go anywhere. But slowly I really started to like him. And I was like, well actually I do quite like this guy. And this was obviously fresh off the back of me splitting up with my ex-boyfriend, so I was looking for somewhere new to live. And he was going through a divorce, so he was looking for somewhere to live. and so I would go house hunting with him and he was looking at these extravagant beautiful places and then he'd come with me looking for these rentals that were like really bad and then one day he just said why don't we just buy together and I'll get now how long had you been seeing each other three months and he was like but I'll get my lawyer to put into writing that you can just if you want to walk away at any moment you need to take your money and it's cool I respect that and any equity that's in the property.

5:43And I was like, this is a good deal. And his lawyer as well was a bit like, John, why are you doing this? So then that was it. So I remember I expressly told him that when I bought my old flat with my ex-boyfriend, that that was my dream road. I loved that road. And I was gutted that I was having to move out and move somewhere else. So he found a really beautiful apartment on this road and he took me to see it. And I was like, my God, this is amazing. And he was like, good, because I've just made an offer. Should we buy it? And so he kind of bought my dream home. Wow. He wasn't playing games. He was not playing.

6:21He was like. Fellas, take notes. He was not playing. He wasn't. And he always says, like, I knew from the day I met you that you were it for me. That I was never letting this one go. And he was just so determined. Yeah. Which I really respect and admire. But for, I think, a lot of people, until my mum met him, she was worried. She's listening to these stories down the phone. She's up in Manchester. And she's like, who's this guy? I need to meet him. And then when she met him, she understood. Sure. But you know how, so it's interesting because I can empathize and sympathize with how John moved.

6:58Yeah. Because I didn't have those resources, but that's how I moved with my wife. Yeah. Very intentional, not playing around. I want to express how serious I am. and I felt like I was in love day one. Yeah. You know, I feel like that's exactly where John was. Oh, he totally was. But for a lot of people, they'll enter a relationship with someone who is love bombing them, you know, it coming from a nefarious position. So how did you know what John, you know, what he was doing? How did you know that that was authentic, that it wasn't an act? I didn't give it too much thought. I just really trusted him straight away and felt very safe with him.

7:41His brother is epileptic and is a year older than him, but has pretty much lived in an institution or a care home since he's been a kid. And the care that he showed his brother blew my mind. And that empathy he has for his brother, I think, has made him into the man he is today. So he's got a naturally caring way about him. Okay. And always wanting to do, he'll do anything for anyone. He'll give anyone anything he's got. And I liked that because I really saw that was quite an admirable trait to have. Okay. And it made me feel good to be with someone like that. Yes. It was just really quite a nice person.

8:24I like that word that you used immediately. I felt safe with him. Yeah, I did. Yes. And he would just protect me from everything. and I felt like this guy is just going to look after me and this is a solid person. Yes. And, you know, we quickly got engaged and quickly got married. How long? I think in total a year and a half from meeting to getting married. Okay, that is quick. Yeah. That's quick. Were there concerns from any friends or family members at all? No, I think I didn't have massive family and everyone that had met him seemed to really like him. My friends, they were just quite self-focused at that period.

9:11They were people that had their own lives going on, their own issues, quite dramatic, had quite a dramatic group of friends. So they weren't really bothered. They were looking forward to the party. The wedding was going to be good, right? So they liked, and also John was very generous, so they enjoyed being around John. Sure. He'd pay for everyone's dinners and there was always champagne in our fridge. So it was always, you know, we were a good, a solid friendship to have. Yes. And yeah, no one really expressed any concern. I think his dad a little bit did. And his dad's wife pretty much said to me, you shouldn't do this.

9:52You're not thinking this through. She was kind of keen to dissuade me. And I think maybe that came from experience because she was married to his dad and she was the same age gap. Oh, 21 years. I think about that, yeah. So I think she was trying to say, look, you know, it's great. It's all hunky-dory now and you're 25 and he's 46. But wait until, you know, you're 60 and he's 80. There'll be a big difference. Yes. And that's what she was in. And I couldn't really understand that. And I still can't, to be honest. You know what's so interesting about that is that there is research to suggest this, something like this.

10:31And what the research shows is that where you see a large age gap, so 10 years or more in either direction, what you see is much high satisfaction or higher satisfaction in the early stages of the relationship. Yeah. You know, it's not to say that the satisfaction level goes down, but it just goes to show that the satisfaction in the early stages is higher than if there's no age gap. I think because you're teaching each other things, right? And he said I made him feel alive and there was excitement and, you know, he's taken away on lots of trips. He loved my lifestyle. And he, in turn, made me feel really safe, really cherished and loved.

11:16And genuinely gave me the breathing space to try and figure out what I want to do in my life. And certainly, obviously, I was battling an eating disorder. But alongside that, I was also growing as a woman and growing in confidence. And, you know, he encouraged all of that. Yes. And it wasn't, you can't do this. He just wanted to help me do whatever I wanted to do. Yes. Now, you were, so at that time when you got married, how old were you? So I got married on my 26th birthday. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. So you were 26. So he was? 47. 47. Yeah. All right. 26, 47. Now, at that point, were you online at that point?

12:00Or no? I was on Facebook. You were on Facebook. So there was no one saying, look at this age gap. There was no one. No one. Okay. No one critical about that relationship. Okay. and you didn't feel you felt like it was it didn't matter because you're with someone who you love I had reservations in terms of I'd never other than my nana and granddad I'd never really seen a marriage last and I remember my bridesmaid saying to me outside the door before we went went in she said to me well at the end of the day if it doesn't work out you can just get divorced and I was like yeah no I'm not really worried and I in my head and I've told John this before That's how I approached it.

12:41I didn't see it as a lifelong commitment the way he did. I saw it as a, well, this will do for now, and it really suits me, and I really love him. But if that thing's changed, it's fine. And it's only as I've been married longer and longer, I recognize that actually that was a stupid thing to think. That's interesting. And it doesn't make any sense. This is so interesting to me because I believe that more and more people view marriage as you viewed it going in. And that is that this thing that we have is disposable. So we can walk into it and we can walk out. It was like a mortgage. Harder to get out of a mortgage in the way I looked at it.

13:23But then there's other people. It sounds like this is how John thought. It sounds like his thought was this is it. Yeah, he did. Now, you mentioned that he had gone through a divorce, so he was married previously. Twice before, yeah. Twice before. Yeah. So walking into this one, your thought is that he believed this was it. He was not going to be married again. He always said to me, I've never been in love before. I promise you that. And I believe him. Or at least the love he experienced with me, he'd never felt before. So I never felt as though it was, you know, for him, he likes wedding cake, you know, it's just another jolly.

14:06I really did believe he was committed to me fully. And I liked that feeling. Yes. There's something really lovely about having loyalty and that person that's never going to drop you. You know, I'm never going to be chasing after John down the driveway. He's always going to be there for me. And I thought I could see how important that was. And that's what I needed. Yeah. You just mentioned you'll never have to chase him down the driveway like you did your father. Yeah. Do you see any connection between your father walking out when you were four and your feeling of comfort with John being 21 years older than you?

14:49Do you see any connection? I actually see more of a connection with John and my granddad. Okay. Because my granddad was that saving person that cuddled me when everything was going wrong and I would sit and eat, you know, rubbish food within the evenings and watch snooker and crap telly. So he was my comfort. And when I met John, I always thought, because granddad had died by the time I met John, but I always thought, you're a lot like my granddad. You've got a similar personality. Yes. Calm, like very stoic, very, you know, reliable and charismatic. Yes. You know, he was, he ticked all those boxes for me.

15:29Yes. And even my mum has said, I can see, you know, those similarities. And so I never, I never put him in the realm of my dad. If anything, my ex-boyfriend reminded me of my dad. there definitely must be daddy issues going on here but i've i've always kind of like kept them away from john because i don't want to spoil what you have what i have because we've had it for so long as well now yeah i don't want to ever think badly of john or because it won't be it won't be him it'll be me but i don't want to tarnish what is a really good relationship yeah no i mean And clearly, you have love. Yeah, we have.

16:08We absolutely love each other. You have love. And you know what's even interesting, too, is that, you know, I think that you could read a lot about someone based on the images that they post online. I truly do. Even though we're all trying to present the best representation of ourselves, I think there are certain things that you could read into someone's profile. and it was it's interesting because my wife and I we were going through yours we did this long stalk of yours and I said you know one thing is clear she loves him yeah of course and he loves her yeah and I said and there and that there is no question no there isn't there's no question and um but I but I I when I think about your story I think there is a parallel between John and your father.

16:58I'll tell you this is that there's a researcher her name is Dr. Margot Mayne. Okay. She has a theory called father hunger. Oh God I know where this is going. Have you ever heard of this theory? I haven't but just those two words together. Where do you think I'm going with this? That craving for the perfect dad right so it's not the craving for the perfect dad but it is specifically when a father has abandoned their his family yeah typically before the age of what five okay the child craves safety, emotional connection, stability. And if they, if, if when the father leaves and that doesn't happen, they spend the rest of their life in search of that.

17:59And typically they end up meeting someone who's much older. Oh, God. 10, 15, 21 years. And immediately what they see in that person is different because there's other people that could see someone who's 20 years older and say, oh, look at this icky old man, you know, this perverted old man. Yeah. But there's others that quickly see stability, safety, structure. And I believe that's what you saw very quickly. I totally did. Yeah. And I loved those things. I mean, obviously, I still, like, I fancied him. He was a good-looking guy. We had a lot in common. Yes. Like, we loved the same art. We loved the same jokes.

18:44Do you know what I mean? We finished each other's sentences. He has his own language that only I can understand. So there's that. But a lot of that's built, right, over time. But there was an initial moment of, yeah, I felt immediately, this is perfect. this is what I need right now because it's not been the best couple of years. But I would do that all over again. Like that's one relationship that I would, you know what I mean? If I was given lots of different avenues, I would always do the same thing. Yes. Why not? I mean, it goes to show that when we go through trauma in our lives, that there's a silver lining cloud to it.

19:24There's a blessing that could come from it. and the blessing for you was that you've met the love of your life. Yeah. You know, who you may not have maybe formed as quick connection with if it wasn't for that trauma. True. And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week.

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