“I Had No Confidence” Perrie Edwards: The Shy Girl Who Became a Pop Star

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0:38Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, I sit down with Perry Edwards to look back at the childhood that shaped her and the X Factor moment that changed her life.

1:06What I didn't realize is that you moved around quite a bit. A lot. When you were younger. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we make fun of it now. Like me and my brother make fun of my mom and she's like, it's not funny. And we're like, no, but it's great. Like it was an adventure. But I think from the early age, I think I was about six months when my dad left. and my mom was like a single mom growing up. She had two kids. I think she struggled a lot, but we just moved here, there, everywhere, like basically in South Shields. There's like loads of areas, and we lived in all of them. So we moved to Weymouth.

1:44I remember going to school for a while. We lived there for like a year or two, moved back to South Shields. My mom's partner at the time, my stepdad at the time was a Kiwi. He was from New Zealand. So we ended up moving to New Zealand. Okay, that's how you got to New Zealand. Yeah. And how was that experience for you? The best experience of my entire life. Really? It was like everything you could imagine it being, it was that. It was beautiful. It was like serene. It was peaceful. The people were incredible. Our lifestyles, like mine and my brother's lifestyle, completely changed because we'd never been used to something like that.

2:22And I think we had school, we made friends, we were out and about all the time, but my mom she just felt really lonely so she didn't work out there so she she got into baking gained a lot of work because all she did was bake and she was like I don't know if I can be away from my family then my granddad got really sick so I just remember coming home one day and my mom sat me and my brother down and she was like we're moving back to England and me and Johnny were like no please no we love it here and she was like I know but granddad's poorly and I can't bear being away like Like, I'd never forgive myself if anything happened and I'm not there.

3:00And when you're a kid, you're like, you're ruining my life. Like, this is so unfair. And my brother was so, like, popular and, like, because he was British. It was just, like, one of those things. Yeah, he was cool. Yeah, he was so cool. He was, like, pretty emo back then. He used to wear a top hat and eyeliner. Like, he was the sickest dude. He still is. And I just remember being heartbroken thinking, please, can we just stop moving around? Like, I've had enough. Yes. We're at the other side of the world. and then we went back now that i'm an adult i see it completely different when i was a kid i used to think oh my mom's dragging me back to england i don't want to go back to england i've got a life here now and i've got best friends i've got crushers at school and like it was a whole lifestyle and then it was just gone and then we moved back we had to live with my nana for a while in her little bungalow because we had nowhere to live for a while um and then we eventually found our house in Whiteleys, which is where I basically grew up from 12.

3:56Wow. So all of that that you just described happened before you were 12. Yes. That's a lot. When you reflect back, how do you think that entire period shaped who you've become today? Well, one, it made me good at meeting new people, I think. But I think it's because I had to. Yes. But like all of this was going on. Not only was my mom a single mom and were we moving around so much, but I was really badly ill as a child as well. which I've spoke about a little bit in the past, but not like in massive detail. Okay. Can we talk about that? Yeah, of course. I spoke about it recently. I did a show with Alison Hammond.

4:34Yes. And she gets right. She is the nation's sweetheart. She's a goji hun. Love her. She just has me cackling all day. But we did like, we went back to South Shields and I told her a bit about like hospital and growing up. But I spent a lot of time in hospital. um but basically when I was born I had something wrong with my esophagus and that's obviously your food tube so where food goes down every time my mom would feed me milk or whatever I would just project I'll vomit the milk back out and my mom was like something's obviously not right this isn't normal so she took me to doctors nobody could find anything wrong with me they were like maybe she's just a sicky baby it's the way she is my mom's thinking nah this is this is off but okay so I guess I'll just monitor it.

5:21I got to about, I honestly can't remember, I was probably seven when they discovered there was actually something seriously wrong. But I was severely undernourished. I couldn't eat a thing, couldn't keep food down. My mom had to blend my food for years. Like Sunday dinners were in the blender. Goodness, goodness. Soup, mash, all that kind of thing. And she went to doctor after doctor after doctor. And I'll never forget it. We went to see this specialist. right and went in did the blood tests they tried to put a camera down my throat to see first time they'd even tried and this is yeah couldn't get it in and they were like right the camera bearing in mind it's tiny it's a little wire with a camera at the end that goes down and they can see it all on the screen they couldn't even get that down my esophagus because you know so so i was i was researching this so this is esophageal all right you're gonna have to pronounce it for me is it Yeah.

6:16Esophageal atresia. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. You're probably better at it than I am. And I was looking at diagrams of this and it's incredible because to your point is that your esophagus next to your stomach. Yeah. But your esophagus did not connect. It basically when I was a baby, it's like your windpipe, I think, and your esophagus are like one. When you're born, they kind of separate. And usually it's quite common in boys. It's not really seen in girls. Also, it wasn't 32 years ago when I was born. So when it kind of separated, it came with like a saddle on its back almost. And it had like a curve in it.

6:50I see. And it was just like something was wrong, but they could never find it. And then finally they found it. And I remember someone saying to me, darling, are you hungry? Do you want to eat? And I said, I'm starving. I really want to eat. I don't want to eat food out of a blender anymore. I want to eat food. So they sent me to a head. she was incredible miss lawson dr ann lawson my absolute queen and she um basically saved me but i was in hospital every other week look at that for operations yeah look at that shows you the importance of asking the right questions it was so bad like the doctors were like if you didn't persevere with your daughter this would have been it like there was i had nothing left to give i was just skin and bone like it was wild yeah and then that is then resolved yeah you're able to get nutrition so yeah probably feel alive yeah almost it got worse before it got better because then the acid from my stomach came up and burnt a hole in my esophagus and then that was a whole new ball game but i feel like luckily i was in the perfect hands the care was incredible i was there like every other week for an operation so i was used to being put to sleep i used to like sing to them.

8:02They'd be like, sing us a song. You know, instead of counting down from 10, I'd be like, off I went. Loved it. Was that the first time that you remember singing? Yeah, I've sung forever. I've sung forever. It's just something I've done, but both my parents are singers. So I thought that was normal. I thought everyone just sung until I heard people who were tone deaf and I was like, that's not right. And it really threw me i'm fascinated by that yeah all right so you would sing yourself to sleep basically yeah i sung myself to sleep every night in and out of the hospital yeah right and i i did not know this about you i would imagine this is also impacting how your character shapes yes and now when you reflect back how do you think those moments have impacted who we see today i think you know i i have therapy every Friday absolutely love my therapy and we got to the point in one of the sessions and I kept saying like sometimes when I'm feeling anxious and I'm in a car and I'm in traffic or I'm in certain situations I start to feel a bit trapped and we kind of discovered that my whole upbringing and my whole childhood I was in a body that wasn't working and that must have felt like it was almost a little bit claustrophobic being in a body that wasn't doing the right functions but I couldn't escape it and I couldn't help it so I think part of it kind of comes from that part of the maybe the uncertainty and the unsteadiness comes from moving around so much so I think like so much of my upbringing has a part to play in one why I'm so robust but also why I probably have a few little issues going on but isn't it so incredible to be able to do that reflection yes so now that you can pinpoint those things yeah does that make you feel now?

9:54It made me feel kind of like, ah, okay. I never thought of it like that. I never thought of like, because when you're a child, you just crack on with it, don't you? You don't really think about things. I wasn't sat in the hospital being like, poor me. I was just like, oh, I'm in hospital. Okay. This is my life. I just was what, it was the cards I was dealt. So I think as a kid, you just crack on with it. But now that I'm an adult, now I've got a child as well. I can't imagine being in the shoes that my mom had to walk in for all those years being a single mother trying to keep us afloat whilst also spending every other day in hospital and i was a clingy child as well like there was never a time where my mom wasn't sat in that chair in the in the hospital because i would just be terrified without her yeah so i'm thinking how did she do it yeah and when you and now because you're a mother right i'm a father and uh i the majority of my day is spent thinking about my children absolutely you know so you think when they are I always say that as a parent tell me if you feel this way is that the limit of my happiness is my child's happiness yeah I agree and so if my child is sad yeah I'm inevitably sad I echo their emotion yeah so I can't imagine having a child who is in and out of the hospital and you feel like there's nothing you can do you know you think about you know how incredible your mother was yeah it's just next level she's such a badass yeah she's the best yeah she really is you're blessed to have her no i know i couldn't do life without my mom like i'm attached to the woman's hip she's here somewhere she's with me all the time is she literally here yeah she's literally she's like here in the studio yeah you know when people say it takes a village it doesn't it takes steps like for me it takes steps deb's does everything she's the handyman around the house she helps me with axel like she's my queen of life wow yeah well look at that she's epic look at this she is i'm gonna have to meet her she's the best ever so when did you find out about the is it congenital insomnia of not being able to smell that came later in my life look at that you're gifted i was like whoa i'm special there was two occasions which is straight i don't know how i got my whole life i was in secondary school probably about 13 years old maybe but i don't know how i got through my life not knowing that i couldn't smell until then but there was two occasions one i remember being in school and like you know there's like misty sprays that all the girlies were into and it was like a thing and you'd wear like your victoria secret mists or your blue jeans or red jeans or whatever it was the thing the girlies did i remember the girls like spraying it be like oh my gosh now smell this one and i'll be like thinking i really don't get it like i don't understand what what you're doing and they're like well don't you think that one smells nicer than that one and i'm like i guess like i don't know interesting weird then our kitchen sat on fire once and there was like smoke and i couldn't smell it until i started coughing and then i was like oh hang on something's not right but i couldn't smell any burning, couldn't smell like the burnt toast or whatever it was, just went straight over my head.

13:15And another thing, actually, when I was a kid, my brother would be like, oh, mom's making bacon sandwiches. And I'd be like, how do you do that? Like he would just know we'd be upstairs and he'd be like, oh, mom's making a roast dinner. And I think, how, but how, and he's like, I can smell it from up here. And I'm like, smell what? So then I thought something's not right. So I went to the doctors. and how old were you I think I was about 13 I must have been so I was secondary school okay see I was 13 and then we went to the hospital again off I go I'm like the regular and um I don't think I can smell and they run tests and it's really strange because I can taste everything but normally they're connected yeah so I think there's like a disconnect between my brain and my sense of smell or something but I had surgery didn't work and they were like we'll probably have to do the surgery again.

14:06So I think they lazed like loads of stuff away in my like nasal passageway. Okay. And it was a horrible surgery and the recovery was horrendous. So when they suggested a second one, I thought, you know what, hon, I'm good. I'd rather not smell anyway. And I've never had it. So I don't know what I'm missing. Are you? So you cannot smell to this day? Nope. Still can't smell. It didn't work. Oh my God. Really? Yeah. So for a minute, when you walked into this room, you couldn't smell this. There's some beautiful scented candles. Oh no, I'm so sorry. It's wasted on me. It really is. but I can't smell a thing not a thing okay so help me understand this yeah I mean because I can see there could be some advantages to this yes helpful for Trumpies pumps and what not yes you could just go in and do it yep so I've often read that when you have one sense that's diminished yeah another one will try to overcompensate yeah hearing sight yeah so did you feel like that happened for you?

15:03My sight is really good, touch wood. Okay. And my taste is really good. Like, I feel like if you blindfold me and you give me something, I'll tell you the ingredients. This is why you're a foodie. Yeah, this is why I'm a foodie. Also because I couldn't eat it for my whole life. So now I'm like, gobble, gobble, gobble. Yes. So now I can eat. Okay, so the taste, but probably all the scents as well. Probably feel. Yeah. You said your sight, right? Yes, I love, I see, like I'm a visual eater as well. I love food to look good. Like I eat, I love when it looks all artsy and gorgeous. Like whenever I dish up, even if it's beans on toast, I make it pretty.

15:39Do you know what I mean? Yes. Make it a bit fancy. Yes. I eat with my eyes and I just love food so much. But I think it's because I was deprived of it for so long. My dad always says, you're making up for lost time, darling. Because I can put it away. Like all you can eat buffet, hate the same makeup. And I've got hollow legs, I think. Oh, you might. You might. I love food. But wow, that's so fascinating to know that you cannot smell. but you are no longer interested and it was because of the pain of the surgery yeah i just thought it's not worth it if i had it like people through covid lost their sense of smell right that's true and it really like traumatized them or affected them and they didn't like it and it was like a change but because i never had it i thought what's the point if it was taste i'd probably be like send me under let's get my taste sorted out but smell i'm like what do i need it Or you need a form.

16:29You know, so on that note is I didn't realize how like how prevalent this is. But there's a significant percentage of the population who lose a sense, we'll say, and then literally have to exist. Yeah. You know, with without it. So this just it's just so interesting. And I think maybe I'm looking at it from a place of privilege, knowing what it's like to have it and lose it. because during COVID, I remember getting COVID, losing my ability to smell. It impacted taste as well. Yeah. And I just, it was so unbearable. Mm. But it's because it's different. It's not what you're used to. It's like a shift.

17:10Yeah. Yeah, I'm totally cool with it, but I find it crazy when, you know, I'll be doing whatever and my little boy will be like, oh, that smells nice. And I'm like, you're gifted. I find it fascinating. because I'm like, how can he smell? But I can't. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.

17:56From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub, followed by ice-cold Pepsi. Add a couple of friends, and now that's next level. Suddenly, the laughs get louder, the stories keep flowing, and the food tastes better. Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. And Alex is like, because people smell, babe. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't. He could have ended up like me. But when I do the washing with him, I'm like, is this fresh or dirty? And he's like, stinky, Mama.

18:35I'm like, thank you, darling. Like, he helps me with the washing and, like, all that stuff. He's so funny. And he can smell everything. He's so good. Oh, heaven forbid we go to the supermarket and the fish is laid out on the ice. I hate that smell, Mama. Please, not the fish. Hates the smell of fish. And I'm just pushing him in the trolley thinking, now this is sick. This is so cool that you can smell. Look at that. It makes me so happy. It makes me so happy. So I'm like living vicariously through him and his smell. And it shows you how much appreciation we should all have. Yeah. The ability to smell.

19:08Exactly. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I love it for him. All right. So then if we can talk about singing. Yes. Okay. So this is 13, 14 when you're dealing with scent. Yeah. Right. But between 14 and 17, it sounds like you've already started singing as a passion. Yes. Right. At what point do you begin to think, I want to do this beyond just a passion? Oh, gosh. That one took me a while because I was quite shy. Like, I was painfully shy, but I loved singing. So I was the type of kid that would lock myself in my room for hours until I could hit like the Christina Aguilera notes, the Celine Dion, the Pink.

19:52Like I'd sit in my room for hours. It was like homework to me. If I heard a song and it had big notes and riffs in it that I wanted to kind of replicate, I'd be like, I'm not leaving this room until I get it. Like I would sit for hours and hours by myself just singing. It was just the best feeling. like it gives me a feeling like inside that just makes me feel like giddy especially when I hit the notes that I've been like practicing or whatever so singing was just a passion that was like undeniable in my life I just loved it so much did you ever and I'm sure you've thought a lot a lot about this is have you identified what the the catalyst was right because talking I've talked to so many incredible musicians, Youngblood, Jamelia, right, Cheryl Lloyd, right?

20:41Yeah. And what I've noticed is this commonality around almost escapism. So almost a I'm singing to not do this or I'm singing because I don't want to be involved in this. Yeah. Or I'm singing to express myself because I can't do it over here. Yeah. Did you find that there was any link between your singing and something else happening in your life? I think just anything. Like I wasn't academically bright at school. I wasn't interested in learning. Sounds terrible, but I wasn't. If it was music and dance and drama, I was like A star student. I got A's and B's in that. But maths, English, science, forget it.

21:29I was like. bore off i'd just sit with a bunsen burner and have a bit of fun do you know what i mean but i couldn't help it it just wasn't there i didn't have i tried it just wasn't there whereas i knew singing was like my escape it was my thing it was what i was really good at so i found that quite early on luckily but then i started to worry thinking like i remember sobbing that i filled my gcses and my mom was like it's okay darling you're gonna be a singer and i was like why are you such an irresponsible parent. I'm never going to get a job. And she was like, but you're not going to need a job.

22:03You're going to be a singer. And I'm like, stop saying that. You don't know that for sure. Like she was so chill. And I remember thinking, how am I not getting a bollock in right now off my mom for failing school? But she was like, babe, like it doesn't matter. It's not the be all and end all. They're grades. I get it. Yes, I wish you did better and you probably are good, but you're so gifted and I know you're going to make it. And I'm like, how many people say this to their children? And do you know what I mean? Wow. So I thought nothing of it. But isn't that interesting that you didn't, so when you failed those, which I didn't realize you did, right?

22:35Yeah, I did. I mean, you know, it's one of those where I could see you being scared of prospects, career prospects. Yeah, yeah. And you're probably, what, 17, 16, 17? Yeah, well, 15. I'm like a young, I'm a summer baby, so I went to prom and everything when I was 15. Okay, so 15. Yeah. But your mother believed in you to the point where she said, no, you're going to be a singer. I thought she was nuts. At what point did you actually believe her? I think I like, don't get me wrong. I can't sit here and be like, oh, I didn't know I was that good. I knew I was gifted with the singing, but I had no confidence whatsoever.

23:16so like singing in school shows or talent shows like I would sing with my friends and it'd be a thing but I would never I was never one to grab the mic and be the center stage and be center of attention that was my worst nightmare I hated that yet my mom was constantly in the background like pushing and pushing and pushing and I remember she took me to an audition in Sunderland for a West End show because I love musical theatre like I'm such a musical theatre geek and she wanted me to audition and I was like I don't want to do it I'm embarrassed I don't want to go I'm really scared like I'm terrified I'm not into it bearing in mind musical theatre is so over the top and confident and you walk in a room and everyone's me me me me me la la la la and I was just like I remember getting my sticker with my number on I remember thinking get me out now and I came she dropped me off two seconds later I'm stomping out the door and I'm like I'm not going in she's like what do you mean you're not going in I was like you can't force me and she was like yes I can and I was like no you can't and then we had a bit of an argument on the stairs and then she was like you have this gift and you don't want to share it with anybody you're so talented why can't you see that this is incredible your gift is it's mind-blowing you don't see it and i'm like i do see it but i want to do it in my bedroom i don't want to do it with people staring at me and then x factor dropped the age because at the time you i think you had to be 16 17 or something to audition and they dropped the age that year my mom was like i think you should go for x factor and i was like not a chance well she's like look if they tell you you can't sing and you don't make it we've tried I will leave you alone forever I won't make you sing if it's not what you want to do fair enough but please can you just try so that you can hear from other people that you're good rather than me she's like because you don't believe me when I tell you that you're great and I'm curious was there anyone in your life at that point also saying that you were great at singing or was it only your mother my dad being a singer himself he knew that I had a great voice my brother always knew I was a great singer but it was kind of just like us friends would be like oh my god maybe I was such a good singer but it wouldn't be anything it wouldn't be like this is great like my mum was my biggest cheerleader so she wanted the world she wanted me to showcase it interesting but it sounds like you didn't fully believe her no I didn't at all you thought she'd just be a mum everyone tells their kids they're special I tell Axel he's special all the time which he is but I was like mum you love me regardless like you think I'm great but I might not be that good I know I'm good but I don't know if I'm X Factor winning material good yes and then just before the auditions Newcastle cancelled and she came in my room at four o 'clock in the morning and she was like your bag's all packed we're going to Glasgow and I was like I beg your pardon she went we're going to the X Factor auditions in Glasgow and I thought oh she's still at it she's still trying to push this.

26:21So I thought, oh my gosh, rocked out of bed, put a big jacket on with a big hood because I thought if any of my friends see me on TV, it's game over. So I put my hood on, went to the auditions, got through all the stages, got to the judges and I was sung like Larry the Lamb. I didn't know I had such vibrato in me. Really? I was that nervous and I've never experienced nerves vocally where I'm trying to sing something and my voice is doing something different. And I remember thinking, oh, God, I sound awful. So I don't know how I even got through, but I think they could see something in me maybe.

27:01And then the further I got, and I remember, I'll never forget it, I got through and I got a no at boot camp. And I remember ringing my mum and I was like, Mum, come and get me, I hate this. Everyone's so confident and I'm just not. I want to come home. I've given it a go. Please let me come home. And she was like, oh, darling, I'll come and get you. Where are you? Like I had to tell her where the house was in the middle of nowhere for boot camp. She was ready to come. And I rang her back and I was like, ma 'am, I'm back in. And she was like, what? I'm like, they've told me I'm back in. I don't know why.

27:37Maybe they're going to start making groups or something. And my mom went, do you know what, darling? If you're lucky and God is watching, you'll be put in a group. and I was like thinking oh cheers you don't think you've pushed me here and now you're saying I'm not good enough that's what I was thinking I thought you're cheeky gal but I knew what she meant now because she was like you're so gifted but you have no confidence like I did not have it so she's like if you're lucky they'll put you in a group so try and get in a group and I was like all right then and I remember getting put in the group and I was like this new lease of confidence just came out of me.

28:16The moment, though, before your mom gave the prayer around you getting to a group, you had been denied, right? So you were going home. Yes. How did you end up staying? So we got called back into a room and they were like, we're looking at maybe doing groups this year. Like we're really keen on finding some groups, whether we have to make them ourselves or whatever. so we think you're all talented but we're just trying to like work some things around and we were in two different girl groups originally so me jesse and two other girls were in a group jade leanne and another girl were in a group both auditioned again we were put through so much on x factor we were here there we were thrown here there and everywhere it was a lot it was definitely a learning curve for me yes um and again someone who's not very confident i was oh my gosh like what is going on and yeah we eventually we got nose again i thought i'm coming i'm going i'm coming i'm going and then they called four names on stage and it was me jesse leanne and jade and they just said do you want to be in a group and we were like yeah and then we won look at that it's wild look at that and if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page.

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