"I'm Not Going To Let Them Win" Jamelia & Bre Tiesi on Being Unbreakable

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0:30Jamelia:Welcome to We're Talking. This International Women's Day, we're celebrating all aspects of womanhood with Brie Tisi and Jamelia. In this powerful episode, we dive deep into their personal stories, from overcoming the hardships of miscarriage to embracing the transformative power of motherhood. Join us as we explore the importance of challenging expectations and finding the courage to become stronger than ever.

1:07Jamelia:Can we talk about motherhood? Sure. Because you, from what I understand, you've gone through a miscarriage. Yes. Several miscarriages.

1:18Paul C. Brunson:Yes, I did. I had several. And actually, when I got pregnant with Legendary, I had just had one, probably like two months before. Oh, wow. So at this time, they told me I couldn't get pregnant for at least six months. Like, you know, and I was like, fuck it. I'm going to Europe then. I'm leaving for the summer with my girls. Like, I can't deal with this. I'm out. And I was at the point where they were like, you're going to have to do in vitro. You're going to have to do something else. And I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I just don't feel like that's the way that I want to bring life into this world.

1:48Paul C. Brunson:That's not my vision of how I want to do it. And I had an all natural birth, no drugs, no anything. I'm just not, it's not my thing. so I went to Europe and I went for like a month and then I came back and we went to film while and out and I found out I was pregnant and my doctor was like how are you pregnant and I was like I don't know like is it I'm peeing on the steak it tells me I'm pregnant and so we were shocked but I also like wasn't gonna get excited about it because I was like I've already had a few so I was just like all right well we'll just see what happens and I feel like I was actually very detached from my pregnancy because I was like, well, if I lose it, it's going to be too much.

2:28Paul C. Brunson:So you're like, okay, I'm sure I literally was working and like working out like I wasn't pregnant. And everyone's like, you need to sit down. I was like, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. And I was, I had a fucking fantastic pregnancy, but I was also like,

2:42Jamelia:Emotionally detached. Yeah.

2:43Paul C. Brunson:Like I was like, and even in my birthing video, when I had my son, I couldn't hold him. I was very like I just need a minute given I was fucking exhausted. It was like 10 plus hours of labor no drugs no anything nothing.

2:59Jamelia:What do you call that that type of birthing that you do? Like a home birth? Home birth. All natural home birth. Was it is it hypobirthing? What is it?

3:06Paul C. Brunson:Oh hypnobirthing. Hypnobirthing. Yes. Yes. I had an aspect of that but I feel like that went right out the window when that really started active labor I was like fuck. There was no hypnobirthing anywhere in sight. I was like, fuck your mantras, get him out of me. And I was just done. And like, no, that was gone. I love the thought. I tried. You tried. But no. Fair enough. Yeah, the anger, the old Brie came out in that one. I was like, he's got to go now. And I was 42 weeks. I was huge. I was way past due. And it was, he was like almost 10 pounds. So it was so rough.

3:40Jamelia:It was rough.

3:41Paul C. Brunson:I had my whole family there. Like it was like a whole, all my friends, I call my family. So, you know, my dad was there. You know, everyone was there and we were celebrating. It wasn't like I was chained to a bed in a hospital with people coming in every five minutes. Like it was an awesome experience. But I think that because I had been so detached and it wasn't real to me and I was so exhausted, I was just like, I just need to recalibrate for a second. And then we had an incident. He didn't cry. Nick panicked. I could tell he was panicking and I immediately shut off. Like I was like, oh, he's not going to live.

4:15Paul C. Brunson:like I was like okay I'm done I've checked out I'm out and then it took like I don't know two minutes before I was like she's gonna say he's done I was like oh my god I was like sitting there like okay all right and then he starts crying and I was like okay and at that moment I was like oh my god I'm a fucking mom like what the fuck I'm a mom and it was like I'm emotional it's the only time I've ever like been like what is happening like this is my life I have a baby like what do I do and I don't have a mom and I don't have like that figure so I was like oh shit I have to figure this out like right now because I've been pretending like this isn't happening so now I have to like figure it all out sitting here can you describe the first moment

5:01Jamelia:because you you said you couldn't with your child yeah actually what was that the first moment with your child like?

5:07Paul C. Brunson:It wasn't really until I had already had like my little pass out whatever moment and then I laid down in the bed. It was probably, I want to say it was like an hour later, honestly, Nick had him and they were checking his vitals and all his stuff. Most people get those crazy shakes after you have a baby and I just felt like I had no control of my body or anything and I was just like, I can't hold him. Like I can't. And then, and like I literally couldn't even get up. I couldn't do anything. And so after the little episode, I felt so much better. And I was like, OK. And then my grandma was like reassuring and, you know, all of that.

5:42Paul C. Brunson:So it was just like a, it took me a second.

5:44Jamelia:Yes.

5:45Paul C. Brunson:You know, most women are like, let me see him. And I was like, eh.

5:48Jamelia:You needed a moment. I did. What do you think it was about your grandmother, though, that gave you the ability?

5:54Paul C. Brunson:My grandma's my mom at the end of the day. Like, she raised me, you know? It's like so and I had sent Nick's security at the time to go get her in Vegas. So like when I had started labor 10 hours earlier, I was like, you go get her now. So I went and got her and she got there right after. So she missed it. But she didn't totally miss it because obviously she came in right when I had him.

6:16Jamelia:And then Brie becomes a mom.

6:17Paul C. Brunson:Yeah.

6:18Jamelia:So weird. Incredible. Yeah, it's crazy. Incredible. Did you suffer from postpartum? Absolutely.

6:26Paul C. Brunson:like all the time and you know there was a lot that transpired and I had a lot of awful people around me at that time like new people like most people in my life have been around for literally a decade like everyone in my circle is solid and this is right before I started the show when I had just gotten with Nick and I had some people around that should not have been around and I think it even it worsened it even more and my postpartum was so bad to the point where I was like, what if I just smother him in myself? Like it was, it was bad. And like, people don't talk about it because it's like, as a mom, you feel so much shame.

7:05Paul C. Brunson:You're like, why would I ever say that? Why would I ever think that? And I'm like, I'm not going to hide that from people because I think that I found like this really weird community on TikTok, honestly, it was like seeing all these videos of like, I think because, you know, your phone picks up on your conversations. I was having like real conversations with people I thought cared about me at the time. And they, my phone was picking up on it. So I was getting all these like postpartum videos. And I was like, oh my God, this is, I'm not crazy. Like, so I'm not totally fucked up. And like, I felt like, I felt crazy.

7:39Paul C. Brunson:And when I saw them, I was like, oh, this is a real thing. Like, why don't people talk about this? Why does nobody tell you this before you have a baby? Like, why is this not a prerequisite to having a child to learn how to like see these things and how to deal with them and how to prepare for them and how to like have the right support like why do we not have that right it's not like oh well two percent of women like this is like majority of women and it's i was like i'm not gonna keep this to myself i'm just not who i am so i was very honest about my about that but women are also scared because there's a chance that you could take my child you know what i mean like if you say the wrong thing to the wrong person and you could lose your kid, even though you're just hormonally fucked and stressed and scared and all of the things that we go through.

8:25Paul C. Brunson:So it's like a really sad, it's a really sad place because it's like, where are women supposed to go? You tell us to, the first thing your doctor asks you is, how are you feeling? And you're like, I'm fucking great. Please don't take my kid. Like, that's so scary.

8:38Jamelia:Yeah, you don't want to be transparent. You can't. But what are you? I mean, you know, this is important for the guy, right? It's like when you think about the low points, what were you thinking, seeing that you were scared to talk about?

8:54Paul C. Brunson:It's just more expressing like how you feel in that moment because think about it. You're sleep deprived. Like you're not sleeping at all. Your body just went through something so traumatic that is so downplayed that it's actually offensive that people act like this is such a normal thing. Like it is so normalized that we are not getting enough love and support and like real attention to like what just happened. I created this human. I brought it into the earth. I literally killed myself nearly. Women die in labor. Like I don't know why this is so like okay and normal. It's like women lose their lives to bring life into this world.

9:31Paul C. Brunson:And you're telling me I should go to work in two weeks? It's insane. And you're saying that after everything I've just went through and everything like I should just be okay Like I'm not okay, and it's okay to not be okay, but there should be more support for for women And I think that one thing I loved about Asian culture Which was one of the things that was coming across was they have these hospitals and they take care of the mother That's that's the forefront of it because the mother is gonna take care of your kid right right now We just need to hold you skin to skin and and breastfeed and that's it We need the love.

10:06Paul C. Brunson:We need to be supported. And we don't have that, especially in America. It's a fucking joke.

10:11Jamelia:And then you have to kind of go home and deal with it yourself.

10:14Paul C. Brunson:And they give you nothing. Like, they don't even give you, like, a booklet. Like, you get nothing. It's just like a, here's your baby, good luck. That's crazy.

10:22Jamelia:How did you deal with it?

10:24Paul C. Brunson:I didn't. I literally was just like, all right, well, I read a lot. I read a lot during my pregnancy as well. and I kind of I feel like your natural instinct just kicks in and then obviously immediately I loved him after I was like the next day and then it was like okay I'm fine you know but filming

10:44Jamelia:filming took me out yeah which which I mean we have to definitely go there because I'm curious because you immediately go into filming but yeah but but just almost like a full stop on motherhood is that I find this to be such an interesting arc in your life. Yeah. Because I can imagine there were many years where you never thought you would be a mom.

11:04Paul C. Brunson:Yeah. I went back and forth a lot. I was like, maybe I won't have kids. Maybe not. Maybe I'm selfish and I don't need kids. Maybe I'll just skip that whole chapter along with getting married. But there was a big part of me that always knew I wanted to be a mom and that I wanted that legacy and I wanted that opportunity to have that love and bond that I wanted as well. So I think there was a bit still in there of the selfishness, but I was like, I can do this and I could do this better and I would genuinely love my kid. And this would be like my bestie, which he entirely is and will forever be.

11:40Jamelia:You know, is it almost fair to say that, you know, throughout your life, you wanted to be loved so much that you created someone that you could love? Of course. To the same degree. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

11:53Paul C. Brunson:Yeah.