Lou Teasdale Reveals The Reality Of Being On Tour With One Direction!

35:31I came to the UK in 2018. Right. um and when i got here quite honestly lou i feel as if caroline was one of the biggest names in the uk yeah that's that's how it felt uh because she had had uh when did she start love island i'm not sure she did about five years i think okay because from okay this is just my impression is that so I got here at that time Love Island must have been one of if not the biggest show yeah here and she was presenting uh for for Love Island I felt like she was everywhere you know in the press and from my impression is I always thought that she was beloved by the public.

36:24Yeah. You know, so that was my looking from the outside. I was like, wow, this is Caroline Flack. She's a superstar here. How did you see your friend? She was your best friend, right? I mean, describe how you felt like you saw her, but how did she see herself right around that time? I think that she was so popular because she was very good at putting across on TV that girl best mate character. And she did that on Love Island. She did it on X Factor as well. She could connect with the contestants like your mate. And she did that on Love Island. and she would keep in touch with all the contestants and she was just really very, very real.

37:22And that's what I liked about her. She wasn't like a celebrity as what you would imagine. She was very real. She would go to bed in her makeup and, you know, she was very open. I think, I don't know if it was to her detriment, but she would just post whatever on her Instagram. there was nothing really curated about it and she was controversial and sometimes she would then just let her boyfriend's arguments play out on there um which probably did affect things for her when it came to you know commercial deals or whatever but really she was very very popular because she was so real yes um and she was a really really good friend even when she was going through the worst of the worst of it right at the end she was still really considerate and making sure she got my right oat milk when I came round and like you know thinking of me and she's she um I think that just came across and that's why everyone loved her and then she I think she looked relatable don't think she she was beautiful but I think she didn't have that overly glam look She was who she was.

38:38She was really comfortable with who she was. And, you know, she had the most requested hairstyle in all the salons and everyone would just want her. Yeah. And that was just who, you know, everyone wanted her in their friend group. I think that's why she was. But we were lucky enough to have her in ours. Look at that. Look at that. Did you have anything to do with her hairstyle? I did her hair a couple of times, but I never really like working with friends. I'd get involved a little bit with advice or whatever with her look or when she's choosing outfits and things. But really, I think with girls especially, you need to be careful with that stuff.

39:22Yes, yes. So, you know, while matchmaking, my rule is I'll never matchmake a friend or family member. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of the same thing. It's like keep the profession. It's too stressful. It is, it is. It's too stressful. It's too much. So you two, right, were incredibly close. What do you believe was most misunderstood about Caroline? I think most people loved her. Everyone has something to say about her because I think people are judgmental of real women and women on TV. and she would let it affect her too much. I think that people would assume that celebrities can just brush that off and most of them can't.

40:09And she just wasn't as confident as you would think that she was. She was confident in a sense that she could walk into a room and tell a huge table of really important people a story and have everyone falling on the floor laughing. And I think was kind of my first experience of anyone like that. and I'm not like that at all but she behind closed doors she wasn't confident at all and she would just read all her comments too much and let them affect her and I think again she didn't have that secure base with her relationship and she was quite tortured by men and the relationships that she chose and i think if she was going home to a loving husband i don't think it would have happened wow well because i think she would have been able to cope okay so the only one who did she have who was her safe space so she did have like a really nice group of friends and we're all still really close and she she had really close friends in the industry that especially towards the end were really reaching out like everyone reached out and everyone with the best intentions reached out to her um and you know we were we were there consistently she was she was never on her own or anything like that she actually moved in to It was an apartment around the corner from mine so that we were really close.

41:48And her sister and mum were a little bit up north. So between us and them, we were kind of all doing what we needed to do. But she had criminal proceedings. She had the press. She had a relationship breakdown just all at once. Oh, exactly. Can we talk about this? So what year is this? So this was 29. She died in 2020. So 2019 was, it was like the beginning of COVID. Okay. Yeah. So 2018, I feel like Caroline Flack is on top of the world. And Love Island was huge. And she was doing a lot of big endorsement deals and things like that. And I think the fact that this happened at this point in her life as well made it more to lose.

42:37Okay. So then what happens between or what happens after 2018? So what happened was she had a huge blowout with her boyfriend where the police were involved and she ended up getting arrested. and I think from there everything she felt like she couldn't cope with the way the press portrayed her the fact that she couldn't see her boyfriend at the time because she had bail conditions um she then lost her job and all her contracts so this is she lost the job at love island yeah Yeah. Okay. Okay. I see. And so again, ITV were offering support and her management company were trying to get involved with support.

43:30But like I said before, I feel like there was so much stress, mainly from her, for things to not be public or get out. It was about making sure nobody knew what was going on. So, and I didn't realize this so specifically, she was then, was she let go from Love Island and then all of the contracts that she had were, all of them? Yeah, they'll essentially sort of say things are basically put on hold because you're in criminal proceedings. Okay. Okay. So at this point, for someone who's worked her entire life to get into the position that she was in, to now have lost it all, what did you believe was going on in her mind?

44:21I felt a great sense of pressure on the trial that was upcoming and I could feel that that's what she couldn't face I think of what was going to play out. She had to go into court one day to do her plea so she just had to say guilty or not guilty and then leave. But the prosecution started talking and went into a lot of information, which then just created a whole lot of press stories from one line that they had that made it sound really sensational. And that just made the whole thing worse just from going into court that one day. and I could feel we needed to get her to that because not until after that would there be any sort of journey for her to heal.

45:19I see. But there was this really, really intense couple of months that we needed to get her through, which was almost like babysitting and I feel like where she was attempting to end her life in that time and there was a couple of attempts, there wasn't any professional help. So during the court proceedings, I can't imagine what the articles that are being written. So I'd imagine that at this point, Caroline doesn't want to go out in public at all. But is she reading? She's reading the comments still? Yeah. Okay. are people sending I would imagine hate-filled commentary. She would even be like she would read the comments on the mail online like those awful comments like she would read it all and I could feel that a lot of people who would come in the room would be like stop reading that, stop looking at your phone as kind of advice which would almost make her push them people away because she would need to just sit on her phone and just read it and obsess over it and not want to hear it.

46:39So it was about kind of, okay, she's doing that and she's going to read it all and then trying to manage that from there was impossible. So a Guardian analysis during this time, a Guardian analysis showed that one newspaper published 99 articles mentioning Caroline Flack in the six months before her death. 99 articles. Just, it was just article after article after article. And she's reading the comments. Well, and as well, the way that they write articles, you know, they can use language that says one thing and they can use language that says something else next to a picture and they can basically make it say what they want.

47:29And, you know, an article with a picture with a lot of blood on it, which was hers because she was self-harming, but written with language that basically describes an attempted murder scene. You know, it's kind of, that's what the article basically said, even though they're really clever and they write it so that they're using language that suggests that with the picture. But really, that's what she's dealing with. Yes. Yeah. So this is in December after she was charged with assaulting her partner, Lewis Burton. Caroline received twice as many negative headlines as positive. So the trend then shifts from positive to negative headlines and she's consuming it all.

48:24How do you find out that she attempted? I was actually out on a date and my friend who was staying with her just called me to come to the hotel. And so I just attended to her. But I was attending to her pretty much every day around this time. and so both of them I attended once I'd realised what happened and I think that both of those attempts were very much like this is how bad it is and somebody needs to do something but what anybody could do I don't know that's the thing and I think that to be honest I think that a lot of people in criminal proceedings probably feel like that because it's really scary to face that.

49:21I haven't ever been in civil litigation, but even that makes you feel a little bit like you're going to lose everything and you're getting all of this correspondence that makes you feel like you're in the wrong. And you just can't, normal people just can't fight that. And so I think for her, it all playing out publicly was just too much. She just couldn't face the dare. I think that she could have dealt with the punishment had it been private. But not public. Mm-hmm. Not public. And just that, you know, she was pleading not guilty, and so they couldn't give her a caution or anything like that.

50:03They kind of had to do that. otherwise if she just said guilty in the beginning but then she needed to admit something she didn't want to um or feel she was guilty of so that's what that's how this is our country's set up that's how our justice system works they need to figure it out they need to hear evidence and you've got to go through that but most people if you worked in an office or even if you worked at this this production company you could probably go through all of that privately and no one that you have to face at work would know um really you could get it dealt with whereas for people in the public eye i suppose it's just too it's just too much and then the way it gets sensationalized every little detail yes so if you have done something that you might be ashamed of or being a human in an argument you know then it plays out for the world plays out for the world what and and i'm trying to figure out if the right word is responsibility, but to be honest with you, I don't know what the right word is, but what responsibility do you believe that you and everyone in her circle has for her life?

51:20Because to your point, you know, that you've made with, uh, previously is that you're not a psychologist. You're not a psychiatrist. Uh, you're not trained in mental health. You're a best friend who loves her best friend. So what are you to do? What did you feel like at that time? What did you feel like you were supposed to do?

51:48I'm always very, in this situation, think keeping somebody clear headed. So not drinking and things like that. I was trying to keep her in that headspace. And I think choosing to come to my house over maybe somebody else in her circle was her making a good decision and a safe decision on that respect because um I have an alcohol-free house and I often find people who struggle with that side of things come to me when they're trying to make a responsible decision and so I think that's she wanted to do that so that was good but for me it was about you know I was really trying to reach out and especially where there are any professionals there whether it was like paramedics when um she did attempt or any psychiatrist that some management had organized or whatever trying to I almost wanted them to take her because I felt like I wasn't handling it and I wasn't qualified to deal with it.

52:57But if she's not willing, that's actually not really a thing. They won't, especially where she was... I don't think she was in denial, her must be in denial. I think she was denying everything to the professionals because she was so worried what would get out. so sometimes she wouldn't even want to give them her real name because she would think it would just go straight to the press because they just get their stories however they get them and so she wasn't, there was no truth to anyone professional coming in or even for me to be able to say she's trying to do this, she's done this now this amount of times, that would actually anger her because she didn't want them to have the whole picture because then the whole picture could get into the public domain.

53:52Wow, so when the paramedics were coming to treat her? It was all played down, so they weren't going to take her. I see. Goodness. What I find really frustrating is she had a couple of physical injuries because from the night where she was self-harming and you know the amount they tried to push professional services on an injury she had on her finger um you know was annoying her they were trying to turn up at the hotel and stitch her finger up and all of this and she just didn't care she was just like leave me alone she wanted help for what was going on for her, which isn't the same. Yes. And I've always found, you know, if someone has a terminal illness or a really scary illness like cancer or whatever, they can go into a hospital and they get offered hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of treatment because without that it's fatal.

54:55Whereas mental health, there's nothing. There's just absolutely nothing to help with it. and they don't really know what to do. And one of the nurses had actually ticked on Caroline's form, thoughts of self-harm, and asked her. And she said none, and she ticked none. But she was bandaging up her arm from self-harm, you know. And the same with the paramedics. The forms had said she was completely fine and just ticking the boxes and nothing has escalated when it comes to people attempting. They just sort of deemed high risk, but then nothing else. And I think that's kind of the issue that we have, is that if it's not a physical illness, it's not really recognised as an illness.

55:49Professional people did see her. And a couple of times I had, you know, it's just a bit of get through the night, can you? You know, one of them was a bit of babysitting for you tonight, and then you can get back to your door tomorrow. And that was kind of it with a bit of an eye roll. And that's kind of why I want to talk about this because the services that do exist, which is what I'm working on, are very, very underfunded. You were, from what I understand, you were the last person to see Caroline live. Do you remember that moment? Yeah, so the night before she'd attempted and so the paramedics had sort of given me a big talk to get her through the night and I always felt like I needed to get her through the night and then in the day I could go home to my daughter and she'd be all right in the day.

56:45I was never that worried in the daytime so I'd get too panicky in the night to leave her. So that morning I was with another one of our friends and we left her and she wasn't in a good way but yeah, we went home. my parents had come with my sister's kids and was like come on have a day with the kids because you've got your own life and you know she's not going to do anything that kind of I think with suicide as well a lot of people kind of call a bluff don't they they give it that one where it's if she wanted to she would do it but she's not she's just doing you know so my parents had come and said, come on, come home, we're going to have a day with the kids.

57:29And Caroline's sister was going to come to see her. So that was all planned. And when her sister couldn't get in the flight, I just got panicky again and I just couldn't sort of stay away. I didn't think she would have actually done it, but I was worried that she had and I was worried that her sister was there on her own. and so in the end my dad was like, come on, we'll go and see if she's all right but we're coming back here and you're having a day with the kids, you know, like that. And so in that time was when she actually did it, yeah. So prior to her sister arriving? Well, the door was locked so she just couldn't get in.

58:16And then from what I understand you also discovered her body. And me and my dad went to see Jo just to... thinking we were going to just check she was OK and then leave her with Jo.

58:37And then we had to get a key because we just couldn't get in. We had to get in touch with the landlord and get a key so me and Jo were kind of sat there chatting for a bit before we could get in. still not thinking that's what she's done. What's the first thought that comes over your mind when you realise that she's taken her life?

59:07What was really apparent for me, you know, when you're watching a really scary film and there's something really scary behind you and you feel like there's something behind you and you're like this, it's really like something heavy, like chasing you or something it's really hard to explain it it's like an out-of-body experience really um and yeah i was just screaming panicking and glad my dad was there this time for him to deal with what needed dealing with because you have to deal with the practicalities of what's going on whilst you're feeling such intense emotion and panic and everyone texting.

59:53Is she all right? Have you spoke to her? Is she all right? Have you spoke to her? Even the landlady. Are you honest? Is she all right? Because I had to say we're really worried about Caroline and we need a key. Have you got honest? Is she all right? Just let me know she's all right. And everybody doing those texts and you just don't know don't know what to say and then trying to comfort her sister who was with us yes yes do you feel like you were ever able to properly grieve caroline's death no because i think i think suicides are really hard um death for people around to grieve for a start because it's it's filled with so many emotions and I think suicide is contagious one suicide creates a hundred more people's really susceptible to suicide because of the trauma from it and it's it's just not a case of being sad I lost her as a friend I don't feel like had any capacity to just be really sad and miss her ever really because I feel like we've dealt with so much and then obviously the the press off the back of then what she did do um but it was just such a like as well when I say about suicide being contagious you know it doesn't create an environment where like a lot of death brings a lot of people together it actually what I find is it it makes a lot of people really angry and want to blame and separate instead They just scoop each other up and makes people feel shame and guilt about their role in that person's life.

1:01:55And that's what it brings a lot more than, say, an illness that led to a death would bring. So it just creates such a hostile environment rather than space where people can grieve the person they love. Yes, yes. You know, one beautiful aspect I would say that's come since is the hashtag be kind, you know, going viral, making reference to one of Caroline's final Instagram posts where she wrote in a world where you can be anything, be kind. And what I notice is that there's probably not one day that goes by without me seeing someone use that reference. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah, and I think as well, like she was so clever with that because obviously she had such a negative side of social media that she was receiving.

1:02:53But there's a really positive side to social media as well. And we do talk about mental health more because of social media. And, you know, marginalized groups can have a voice on social media now and they just weren't heard before because there was no platform for them to speak. They were completely ignored. You know, I feel like that post, she went, I'm going to flip this on its head because this is toxic. And actually, and I think she really pioneered quite a lot of that movement where people spoke about being kind. And it's really simple. You can be anything in the world. Just do that first and foremost.

1:03:35Yes. And I feel like she had, I don't know, she had a bit of a marketing brain on her. But she just flipped the whole thing on its head and posted that out. And then, you know, it was the sort of ultimate, the ultimate FU, I think. Yes, yes, yes. A bit surreal, you know, that she posted that. I think she just wanted to say, like, I'm hurting and this is hurting me. Like, why is it not stopping? I don't think anyone was really listening. You were listening. Yeah, I think that the people close to her were listening 100%. And behind closed doors, she was great, even the day before. She was having a laugh and we were doing a photo shoot.

1:04:27And it was Valentine's Day, so she was thinking about her boyfriend and I was going on about mine. And it was, it's quite normal. Yes. Yeah. And it was. It was February 14th. Mm-hmm. So that day being Valentine's Day, you think there was something about. It was heightened. Heightened, yeah. And we would always spend like Valentine's Day. We'd spent Christmas Day together because we were like 40 and single. So we thought that was so hard for us and we needed each other like that. And so that's why I was there really. Okay. Okay. What about what you want the world to know about the experience that you went through with Caroline in that last chapter of her life?

1:05:18I think everybody likes to talk through what they're going through.

1:05:28and I think people are quite scared to ask a probing question because if we're very British and we don't do that and we keep it all surface level and actually, you know, especially like when you work with people and you've got time on your own with them and to sort of ask them about something that's maybe going on for them, you realise very quickly they need to talk about it and you just need to give them a bit of space to do that. I'm volunteering with this charity at the minute, which is really revolutionising suicide prevention and they have a six-month programme, which is really, really successful, which is why I've got involved with them because there's just nothing out there.

1:06:13And then it's forever support as well. They've been around 30 years and they've put about 700 people through this programme and not one have re-attempted. It's incredible. And it's really, really clever. It's DBT therapy, do you know it? Okay, yes. So it's a course of DBT therapy over six months, but alongside a really good community charity, so you become basically support, lifelong support. And they also offer a programme for their support, so their mum or their partner. I see. And that person in their life, because I needed support to be the support. And I was getting therapy myself and private therapy and paying for it, but a lot of people don't have that.

1:07:04And so they get involved with that as well, which is what really inspired me because I've never heard that before, where they can look at the whole picture and that's why it actually stops people attempting. and dbt therapy is you know they're not doing reflective therapy or talking therapy or going through their trauma with anybody they're not doing that there's no time for that they don't have the charity doesn't have the capacity for that they're just learning skills to regulate their own emotions and distress tolerance things like that and acceptance and skills that we all need and really struggle with i think things that we should be taught at school if if you ask me absolutely way more important than a lot of the stuff that they teach i'm completely with you you know to learn how to emotionally regulate is a hundred times more important than trigonometry exactly you know but are we taught that in schools absolutely not it's so old-fashioned Yeah, yeah.

1:08:09I'm with you. I'm with you. And so this charity, you mentioned the name, but I want to make sure that we... Body and Soul. Body and Soul. Okay. I just want to make a bit of noise for that charity because actually the way it works is it makes sense. It's really simple. They need lifelong support, not just support... Momentarily. ...in the crisis. Yes. Yeah. We'll help you make that noise. Thank you. Yeah, we'll definitely help you make that noise. Thank you. You know, you got it. You got it. You know, there's one area also that I'd like to talk about, and it's connected to what you mentioned around when you have a suicide, you have those who are who have loved the person who's passed begin to point the fingers and blame.

1:08:58So in the research, something that was shocking, and I don't know if this is a rumor, so you can clear this up if it is, but that Caroline's mother, Christine, that there was a falling out between you and her as it relates to Caroline and the care, if you will, for Caroline in the last few days. Yep. What actually happened between you two? yeah so my sister and I are really close with with Jodie her twin sister I actually saw her at Glastonbury and um and hopefully we'll stay in touch forever obviously we were together on that day and she knows who we are and where we are and I think what's really hard with with parents it does cause conflict because it's the worst case scenario for anybody for that's happened to your child.

1:09:59And all you're going to do is think whose fault was it, which I understand. And I think a lot of fingers get pointed at partners. that's happened a few times that I've known about as well and for me where I sat in the Caroline situation was I know what happened I was there I know what I'm comfortable with I personally just don't blame anybody and I panic about blame because it creates again another vulnerable person who has to take that on their shoulders and the trauma of that for the rest of their lives especially publicly um and so without going into anything private i personally have just tried my best to stay away from any sort of conversations about who who was in the wrong or whatever and I think that in this situation people kind of come together and do that as a way of trying to fight it and deal with it I suppose and as part of the grief process yes um but I had a relationship with everybody in that situation which became impossible really fair fair have you spoken with christine who's caroline's mother uh have you spoken with christine since caroline's passing no no so there's one more area that i'd love to talk to you about and then anything else that you want to talk about and that is you could probably guess it Can you guess it?

1:11:58Andy. Oh, yeah. My boyfriend. We can talk about Andy. Because you're football, no? Oh, yes. So you own Sutton. Absolutely. So what league are you? Oh, my gosh. Well, because we're Dagnum Redbridge now, so Andy's just invested. Oh, really? Yeah. So we're National League. Oh, we're National South. We're below you. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Look at this. And he's playing. Yeah, he's playing. And he's player and investor, which is actually one of the first in Europe. I tell you what. And can I say this about Andy? Can I brag on Andy a little bit? Mm-hmm. Because I thought this was the case, but I didn't know this was the case, is that your boyfriend, Andy, in 2011, he became the most expensive British footballer at the time when he was bought by Liverpool from Newcastle for a measly£35 million.

1:12:55Yeah, how good is that? Oh, man, come on, Andy. We met at a really nice time in both our lives. I think we were both really in the same place. He's got teenage kids, I've got a teenage daughter, and he's got some little ones as well. And we just really, like, look at... He has the same outlook as me, and I've never met a lover like that. I've got friends who were just on the same page, but I've never had a boyfriend like that. And I just found him really refreshing. I didn't think that he would be like he is. So do you believe that we will see a Lou marriage, a Lou-Andy marriage? I would really like to marry him, yes.

1:13:42So we'll see, but he is still married. oh my gosh he's still married yeah and yeah and I hope that's not insensitive as well but we we've had to try and take it slow and we were really in love and the tabloids again he brings a lot of tabloid drama that man they are obsessed with him yes everything he does you know what I find so interesting about you Lou is that you have lived this life that has been filled with the highest profile people like in the world literally you know when I was doing research I'd see you interviewing uh Kendall Jenner maybe like or Harry Styles like you you with all of these people um but yet you have remained like just super chill I'm quite private but and with social media so I've got a lot of followers but really you can control that it's not until the tabloid press get involved you lose control i've been spoken to by my agent about shows like celebs go dating and that kind of thing which would maybe put me in a celebrity category if i wanted to go that way with my profile and and probably make more money and that kind of thing or go to different different kind of things and i've never done it as much as I probably would have gone on maths because it's my favourite programme.

1:15:09For Obsess. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I don't need to now, but there was a point where I was like, I'd actually quite enjoy that experiment, I think. But I've never gone down that road. How would you compare the negative articles, say, on Andy versus the negative articles, say, on Caroline? now that I know him a lot of it is is really unfair on him too which does disprove what I'm saying um I think that with Caroline and things like things like Meghan Markle for example I find it so frustrating because you know they're talking about a man's behavior with with Meghan Markle but blaming the woman and it's and it just is still still going on like that even after what happened to their mother and what happened to her.

1:16:05They just still get away with doing it. And with Meghan, you're referring to which man? Harry. Oh, you're saying he's a behavior. Yeah. I mean, I love Harry and I think that what he's done is support his wife. But they're sort of trying to attack him for leaving the royals and abandoning the royals but blame her. I see. And I just find that crazy. Yeah. There's, you know, there's a double standard in every aspect of life. It's just baked into society. But I am optimistic on the future and where we're going. I don't know if we'll get there in my lifetime, you know. But I think that we'll get there.

1:16:56You know, I truly do. Can I ask you just one question of curiosity? You've met some incredible people in your life. Yeah. Who has pleasantly surprised you? Like a big star that you met and you thought, I don't know how this is going to go. And they just pleasantly surprised you. We were once in the dressing room and there was like a couple of kids. and I spent all day with this woman and she was so nice and then she left and I was just like, how nice was she? And I was like, doesn't she look like Cindy Crawford? And Harry was like, are you joking? And I was like, what? He was like, that was Cindy Crawford.

1:17:46And I was like... And I'm not normally that ditzy either, But I just was chatting to her as if she was just a normal person. Obviously, she is a normal person, but I didn't realise it was Cindy Crawford. I thought she was just a really pretty woman. Yes. And she was just so nice and normal. And I was moaning and just being like that and doing the same. And I think it was because I didn't know who she was, then I was probably, she was probably enjoying me. Yes. And my kids were there and stuff and mine was there. And that was me being really stupid. But I remember thinking she was really nice. Yeah, I love that.

1:18:30I love that for you too. Because you would otherwise, if you knew it was her, you would like. It probably would have been weird, yeah. All right, so what celebrity now do you believe has the best hairstyle? woman for my insper has always been zoe kravitz and now harry's going out with zoe kravitz and i just think they're so fucking cool aren't they i keep seeing like pub pictures of them and i'm like they are cool that's pretty cool that's pretty much as cool as it gets yeah it doesn't get any cooler so then final question okay if you think back through your life you think about all of the incredible conversations you've had which conversation was the most memorable who was it with what did you learn so when I first went into to into body and soul to tie it back to body and soul um I was doing a tour and they were showing me all the different parts and they have all different um like community aspects of the charity so they work with children who are adopted and families have adopted they work with um immigrants they work with um people affected by hiv and then also they have the suicide prevention so there's all the different aspects of the charity and um one of the guys that worked there he gave me this um like hand-drawn picture of a bison and um he was asking me if if i wanted it and it's like a sort of symbol for the for the charity and i so yeah it's lovely thank you thank you and you know they're all trying to give me things and whatever and he just said um basically um uh bison's one of the only um animals which and like their natural instinct when when a storm's coming um animals and humans will run away from the storm and the storm keeps coming and it kind of slowly gets to you eventually over time.

1:20:34Whereas a bison, they run into the storm and they're through it in five seconds and that's why the bison is part of the is symbolic for for their charity because it's just about just face it head on and I remember someone talking to me about facing things a long time ago and I can I can't even remember who it is but I do feel like I try and just face things and deal with it and I can cope and quite a lot of people who are spiralling and not coping is because they're running away or avoiding even though it's really scary and you naturally run away I think that that's that with me Be a bison I've got my little bison next to my bed Be a bison.

1:21:34Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I love it. You know, Lou, what I've loved most about this conversation is I'm walking away with so many new points of direction for my life. Like be a bison. Yeah. People who are suffering from depression and worry about the past and people suffering from anxiety worry about the future. and it's those that can live in the present and it's just about being able to do that and take you away from the anxiety and the depression and I found that really helpful as well. Yes, it's good. It's so good. It's so good and when you have these little nuggets, these little tips, these are the things that save our lives, literally save our lives and I feel like this is your work and I'm excited to see what the next chapter of your life looks like because I can see you now doubling down on your advocacy and literally your work will save lives.

1:22:39So I applaud all the work that you're doing. If there's anything that I can do further to assist, never hesitate to reach out. And I need you and Andy to come cheer on the Mighty Sutton United too. Oh, yeah, we'd love to. Yeah. We should do one of those because I'd love to see him at one of our matches. Yeah, we'd love to. Yeah, done. And when we get promoted, will we play in you? Or maybe we'll be promoted ourselves. Or you get relegated. Conversation over. Conversation over. Thank you very much. You know, there's one last thing. You know, we like to give surprises. Man. And gifts. Oh, do you?

1:23:22Yes. I like gifts. You like a gift? So I have a gift that I'd like to share with you. Yeah. Okay, you ready for it? this is it yeah if you could take a look at that and give that a read for us out loud please there's lou t so millions of followers and lou who was one d's hairdresser who was caroline's friend and then there's lou our friend don's sister for many years while caroline was juggling lou dropped everything to be there she gave all her time her home her loyalty and her energy until the very end. She's the person people go to when life has unravelled and needs somewhere to go, who feels unwaveringly safe.

1:24:01Over the years, I've lost count of the number of people who have ended up at Luz, friends in turmoil, people who need a break from life to talk to all night long. She has quietly carried people through their darkest moments. By being the cleverest and nicest person in the room, whether she's never met you before or she's your family, she will hold court on equality, fairness and justice with a softness and wisdom that leaves everyone listening. She unknowingly guides the people in her life, young and old, helping them make sense of the world and gives them confidence and perspective. When I asked for help with body and soul, I think I meant some Instagram posts, but she ended up training up in the therapy to work hands-on with the young people and be part of the team running the program.

1:24:42Program. Sidekick of dreams, we all need a loo. Is that from Emma? That is from someone closer. Well, I want to say closer. It's from your sister. Oh, it's from Sam. Don't because I'll cry. She's sat in there. We're twins, but we're never nice to each other. So she's never said anything nice to me, so that's really nice. But really, how does that feel to know that that's exactly how she feels about you? I know that she does and I know that she sees me but we just don't say it we're just a bit British like that yeah that's nice thank you I think that was a beautiful letter and I think what she was saying in it is I see you, I appreciate you and I love you

1:25:41you had to make me cry I did the whole thing without crying I now challenge you to say I love you. She knows, but yeah, it's unspoken. Andy actually told me this because we're both from up north in England and the northerners are so different to the southerners. I don't know if you realise this. Yes. But like as characters are so different. And he says that southerners will be nice to your face, but talk around your back. whereas Northerners are horrible to your face but really nice behind your back and they just can't do it face to face but really as soon as you're not there they absolutely love you, brilliant person but they can't say it to their face.

1:26:27Yes, yes. And I'm like that too. Okay, do you accept my challenge? Yes, thank you. All right, all right, done. I'd appreciate it. Thank you, promise. Yes, I'd appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you, Paul. Thank you. Lou Teasdale. Lou is the first person I've heard talk about the rise of One Direction in tandem with the rise of social media and how they were one of the first groups that could break a market without going to the market. I thought just from a nerdy music perspective, that was pretty interesting. From listening to Lou's perspective, it's hard to understand how she could have done anything differently.

1:27:16I thought Lou was very respectful for Caroline's family. And you could see it's because of the love that she has for Caroline in particular. I thought that there were many moments where Lou gave some great instruction to all of us in terms of what we could do, whether it is on just generally life when she talked about being the bison, but also with regard to our loved ones. And that is asking probing questions, checking in. How are you? How are you really? Don't give me the everything's fine. How are you really? I'm here for you. Holding space. I think that's something that we can all take, and that will help every relationship we have, is to ask more probing questions of the people we love.