"The Real Reason I Signed Up!" We're Talking Love Island with Shakira Khan, Maura Higgins and Megan Barton-Hanson

0:00So good, so good, so good. Spring styles are at Nordstrom Rack stores now and they're up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on Rag & Bone, Madewell, Vince, All Saints and more of your favorites. How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Why do we rack? For the hottest deals. Just so many good brands. Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Welcome to We're Talking. Today we're going behind the sunglasses and slow motion walks of Love Island with three women who lived it.

0:38Shakira Khan, Megan Barton Hanson, and Maura Higgins join us to share what life in the villa really felt like. The excitement, the pressure, the friendships, and the moments no camera quite captures. A quick heads up, some of the conversation includes suicidal thoughts, so please take care while watching. Without further ado, today we're talking Love Island.

1:14So now, career-wise though, because of your confidence back, bravado, what are you thinking you'll do? I want to score Love Island. I'm telling you. No. Are you serious? That was the goal. I'm telling you, this is hot. This is hot. Like, Love Island was hot. I had the water bottle. It was popping off. Yeah, this is 2018, right? 2018. Yeah, this is, was this Caroline Flack's last year? This is Molly Macy's, Tommy Fury. I wrote about Tommy Fury in my GCSE English paper. Did you? Like, this was the show, yeah? And my teachers were like, you're going to be prime minister. You need to be a lawyer. like that was such a sneaky and so like you'd be a good lawyer Shakira it's like a polite way of saying you're a bitch I'm saying you you've got a smart mouth is you'd be a good liar yeah I got those allegations and no I just wanted to do you okay okay all right help me understand so I know how big it was a matter of fact that was the year I came to the UK so I remember Love Love Island was everywhere.

2:25I watched Love Island that first year and I was like, wow, this is. It was big. Everyone's talking about Love Island. It was huge. So I understand the popularity of the show. And then also what then the catapult and what it does. What it did. To not all of the members of the contributors. The big stars. But help me understand why you, who could be the prime minister. Yeah. decided that that was your number one goal i loved the way it opened up so many opportunities for them molly may was doing youtube i love that like youtube was huge i'd grown up on zuella and this girl is here showing bath bombs and stuff she's getting all these millions of views and there's challenges going on on youtube and social media is so fun and it's so new at this point and I'm like what this is a career you can do this as a career I want to do that I want to be a YouTuber um we'd done like child modeling and acting and stuff I was five foot one like that was never gonna run I was like okay right not gonna be a model but I could be an influencer yes let's do this this is good um I just didn't want to do I just wasn't inclined to do the academics anymore yeah i didn't want to do the writing i wanted to be posting vlogs and videos and doing the fun stuff that everyone was doing so for all of the millennial the older millennials and the gen xers even the baby boomers who are watching this yeah they will have a hard time i think reconciling this in their mind yeah and if you can help them my mom did yeah yeah actually Your mom is this.

4:12Yeah. Is so – because YouTuber as a career – I remember when my son was going from year 60 to year seven, that was the number one career goal was YouTuber. You're looking at what everyone wants to be. People are like, YouTuber, YouTuber. Yeah. So what was it though? Was it the money that was coming from YouTubers? Was it the social status? What was it that was driving you? Everything. At all. Okay. Them as an end seal, that was what you wanted to be. You see them, they have these big flashy mansions and stuff, like Team 10 in LA. I remember Jake Paul and Morgan Paul, when they were first coming up, it was like, whoa.

4:55Obviously, looking back now, it's all stunning, but you're like, whoa, look at these people. They're so rich. They have such good lives. It was like a fast track to this amazing life. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, which is so stupid. Sounds so stupid. I. And I got voted most likely to go on Love Island. Are you serious? Yeah. There was a vote in school around. Like, you know, when you do leavers. Yes. It's not stupid at all is. So I was looking at, so obviously you mentioned Molly May, right? When Molly May left, she had a 500 ,000 pound brand deal with Pretty Little Thing. She went on to become the creative director.

5:33And PLT was hot. Oh, yeah. It was. It was hot. It was hot. She's gone on to do documentaries, et cetera, did a brand deal with L 'Oreal, right? I remember watching it all. I was like, whoa, she's so cool. Look at this. I can see when she left, the rumor is that she did a one million pound fashion deal. Oh, Polly. Oh, Polly. Yeah, look at that. So it's one of those where it is a fast track. you could argue it is one of the fastest tracks to that level of status that level of income absolutely okay absolutely and there was a lot of fit boys on there

6:18so that's the bonus yeah there was a lot of fit boys you know like all these celebrity crushes stopped being celebrity crushes and it started being like oh so-and-so from love island is like my celeb crush yes these were the guys like this is the best the uk had to offer on this show yeah that's what everyone would be obsessed with that is that is you you're absolutely right you know um when uh so in matchmaking a lot of matchmakers what they'll do is they'll take a client in and say who's your celebrity crush and i have lots of friends who are matchmakers in the uk and in the u.s and you're right it was always a-list actors or actresses yeah and then it shifted to love islanders so then i have to ask how in the world then do you get to love island my friend who's an influencer um went to an itv event and it was may last year which is by the way casting's done by that point yes and she goes oh um max spencer the big boss big boss at love island um he was doing like a talk on an ITV panel and she just walks up to him after and goes are you still casting for Love Island?

7:30She has no idea who this guy is. He's the big dog. Are you still casting for Love Island? I've got someone who'd be perfect for it. She's nothing like you've ever had before. And he's like okay show me her. And he's like brilliant. Send me her details. The day after they rung me up. Wow. So this is fascinating. This is last year. This is May. You're talking about this is May last year. May of 2024, when casting is pretty much done. Pretty much done. Yes. They ring me up. It's the 1st of May. Hiya. Do you want to come and audition for Love Island tomorrow? In London? You have to take the day off work.

8:08Come down. Go down. Audition. Casting and producers are like, who on earth is this girl? And what is the audition? You just go and sit and you talk. They ask you questions about your dating life and funny stories and what you're like. And you go in. and you get all dolled over, and you sit there, and you talk. And I was just being myself. And I just said to him, listen, if I'm ever going to do it, I'm only going to do it early on, because I'm never going to leave my job. I've got a good job. I'm not going to leave my job to go in, you know, something like Casa Amor. That's a big risk. It's a big risk, you know, to go in later on.

8:41I said, if I'm ever going to do it, I'm going to go in in the first week, and that's that. And they were like, OK. So everything's wrapped. They've got their OG cast. Everyone's sorted by them. And then they rung me up in January of this year and said, they loved you last year. And I'm thinking, he's lying. He's not doing all that palaver again. They loved you last year. He's top of our list. Please, will you audition? And this time I have to do the full thing. So I had to do a video, a form, Zoom call, like the full process. Then after I'd passed all that, then you go and meet the casting producer.

9:21And this time I went into a second room and the three exec producers were there and I had to do another audition. Which is sitting, talking, responding to them? Yeah, just chatting. And then the rest was history. So how quickly thereafter did you get a message back saying you're on? I didn't. I went out on a whim. So I did my press day. did my press day this is like the final steps where you're gonna do all your intros like hi i'm secure ready all that palaver and you still don't know at this point they could have like 100 people doing this i don't know it's quite select whoever does the press day whatever amount is quite select you still don't know if you're going on and famous words you will have heard it a lot you're not on the show till you're on the show you're not in the villa till you're in the villa that's the famous phrase so now shakira i didn't know this so you're telling me the love islanders have not said this phrase to you oh no no no that part i did know but the press day you're telling me the the day that you take the shots yeah so nothing's confirmed i didn't know that no so you do the all of those shots i'm sure there's loads of people from the uk who have done that press day and it'll just disappear into oblivion all that content my god yeah okay so you went to your press day I did the press day and then the execs pulled me for a meeting then and there at the press day and said you're flying out 100 % confirmed you're flying out don't mean I'm on the show but they're flying me out tell you work I was like shit weird this little Delulu fantasy I've had for years is is maybe a reality so I spoke to my boss and I said look this opportunity this doesn't happen for people like me small girls from a small town in Burnley Pakistani girls this isn't this doesn't happen I'm gonna do it will I still have a job it's a risk you know and he said go he said I'll fire you if you don't do it it doesn't matter if you're on there for a day a week if you do the whole thing in two years five years you'll always have a job that's all I needed to hear what have I got to lose what did I have to lose yes and this has been a dream this has been a silly a silly little dream yes since 15 which is incredible even if I'd said it as a flyaway comment you know but I always wanted to do it yeah but but now with that news how did your parents react my dad was a super fan of the show he's watched every series different when it's your daughter and i think they had their reservation my mum's never liked it i think she definitely had a perception of what the show was about like people having sex on tv people acting promiscuous and smoking and you know a lot of foul language blah blah blah on bimbos like she thought people who went on there were airheads and then nothing going for them that's what that was her perception of the show she never watched it this she just is what she'd seen from the press or like people's opinions about it her more her age group whereas like someone young it was like whoa this is a really cool positive thing like this is so good she never understood that and then obviously the year before my mum would watch that series because I might have been going on that year so she'd watched the series so they had a year to come around to the idea we had a year to have those conversations because of the last year and talk about what's acceptable what's not acceptable and I was trying to explain to her I was like you've raised me you've raised me I'm a good kid I'm a good person I've got my own morals and values I would never do anything to disrespect you or embarrass you like I'm never going to go and have sex on national television I was like you've got to trust me like you've raised a good person you've just got to trust that I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do you just got to trust that and you know there's certain things like that were big no-nos for my dad and yeah I respected that like in games like it's funny for him to watch strangers if it was his daughter his first born child his you know little princess that's very difficult when put the island he fancy most in a sex position was never going to run I was never going to do that because that would be mortifying for him like that's embarrassing like and I understand I think it's light-hearted and funny and no one my age would think or any any badly for someone doing that but he just wouldn't want me to do that and I respected that so I told all the boys don't you dare don't you dare do anything but what's so great is and i say great because you know i'm a parent right what it sounds like you had is you had your parents in mind and your objective was not to disrespect well that was one yeah not to disrespect them no matter what you'd walk from the show before you would disrespect them secondly is you called it for what it is which i appreciate because i've talked to i mean i've I have many, many, many friends who have done Love Island.

14:56And publicly, it is few that will say, that will acknowledge it's a fast track to influence her world. Yeah. Right? Let's state the obvious. Please. Like, you've got, you cannot tell me if you've watched the show, or you've seen the show, everyone in the UK knows what Love Island is. Even if you've not watched it, you know what it is. It's a household name, right? I'm pretty sure a 70 year old person would have heard of Love Island for someone to consider going on the show and go through that process you go through your site they ask you to evaluate the pros and cons of going on the show and at some point in that you've got to factor in that you're going to have some form of media attention or you're going to become a public figure against your will even if you don't want to be famous or an influencer So, yeah, you can go back to your normal job.

15:53People are going to know who you are and you're going to have some form of media attention. Like, I know there's people who've been paramedics before and gone on and they go back to being a paramedic. It doesn't mean they're not in the sun or they're not in tabloids. Or if they walk down the street, someone's going to know who they are. That's something you've got to take into consideration. Something I took into consideration. I don't think it was ever about, like, notoriety or being famous but i think a big factor for me is that i've always will want to be financially stable i want to have a nuclear family i never want my kids to want for anything um that's a big factor another big factor was representation I would have had a lot easier childhood And sense of identity If I might have seen myself in more places in the media And on my Instagram feed And on TV shows That might have helped insecure little me Who didn't have a sense of self Have a role model It's a big thing No one, no Pakistani female has been on that show or South Asian female and not being booted off.

17:12Shannon. There's a lady called Shannon Singh. She got booted off on the first day. We barely got to see her. Shame. I was so buzzing that year. I was buzzing. She was on, yeah. I was buzzing. I think she was Indian. I'll double check that, but she is South Asian. I was buzzing to see someone who looks remotely like me. That's a big factor. yeah so you've got to wear these things up you're very naive to sit and you're just a liar you're just a liar if you're going to sit there and say to me you didn't know you'd have some form of opportunity after Love Island facts, facts

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19:13Because epic walk-in when you came in. I went in there like guns blazing. Internally, I was so angry. I was like, I've just been cheated on. I was like, she's going to be trouble. This one right here is going to be trouble. Well, that's how you felt? All right, let's talk a little behind the scenes, because I've been in reality TV for some time. And I know that normally when you have someone who comes in late, they're there to stir things up. Yeah, I was actually meant to be starting lineup, and they moved me. I think when they got to know me a bit, they were like, oh, send her in a bit later.

19:51So you felt as if you were intentionally sent in there to stir things up. I think my first interview I was really drunk. Yeah, I was really drunk and I remember the brief said, dress how you would on a first date and I rocked up in a track suit and trainers and I was steaming, absolutely steaming. I did not care. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Strategically though, because at the end of the day, to stay, it is about audience voting, but it's also about you coupling and being in what feels like or what presents itself as a loving relationship. So does that become part of the strategy? You're in a house. You're in there for X amount of time.

20:35You're going to start liking people that you wouldn't normally like. Not to be mean, but you are. You're in there. I'm pretty sure it'd probably be the same on Big Brother. You're locked in that house. You're not seeing any other men. You're going to be like, oh, why not? you know so there was a bunch of why not men in there well yeah i mean they're not your dream man are they but like it's the aim of the game it is it is so there was no man in there that was a dream man it was they were all why not absolutely not that's fair yeah no could i say though what you're speaking is science actually it is called the law of proximity and also the law of propinquity oh wow where the longer you spend time with someone especially under stressful situations the more that you become endeared and connected to them yeah so this is this is why you drop anyone on an island yeah they're having sex they think they're gonna fall in love they think they are in love but they're not because the minute they go home they're gonna kill each other you know yes and this happens on love island all the time yeah it does so that series also happened to be, I'm sure you know, it was the most watched series of all time in the UK, series five of Love Island.

21:56What do you think it was? It was. When you got into that villa, the public wasn't on your side. No. Immediately, no. Pierce Morgan said on live TV that you should be dragged out of the villa by the head of your hair. And I was like, God, I love Pierce Morgan. I loved it. Oh, you loved it? Oh, yeah, I loved it. I just thought it was hilarious. Oh, my God. And I was branded a predator. I also found it very funny. I was like, I remember Mammy going, that is not funny. And I was like, that is a bit. Like, I'm not a predator now. Like, but it is funny. But, yeah, I was not very well liked. Obviously, I didn't know that.

22:43Thank God. No, but I know, I mean, you are without question, and I knew you would be this way before meeting you. Now I can fully say you're incredibly resilient. There's no doubt about that. You're resilient. Yeah. But it still must feel draining in a way to know and feel as if the public is against you or feels a certain way about you. I don't know. I really don't like it's weird like if I go on to the Daily Mail comments like I do it because I just want to laugh okay I don't really read the comments and go they don't know me sure they're not my family they're not my friends I don't really care interesting what are in the comments what do you see mostly I see she can't keep a man that's one of the lately that's one of the biggest ones like I think it's quite empowering to know when to walk away and not put up with that shit and I just won't put up with that and maybe I'll never have a man because of that I don't feel I need one do I want one?

24:00yeah that'd be nice I want a family, I'd love a husband I don't have a husband but I don't need one I genuinely don't if it doesn't happen I'm absolutely fine like I've got enough self-love so I'm like whatever yes yes so then take me to the moment that you walk out of Love Island because that's a moment that a lot of people you know on these on these projects look at because their life changes. Do you feel like your life changed when you walked out? Massively. How so?

24:43Very, very hard time in my life. Like, never spoke about it. I was just dropped to the UK. It was like someone just picked me up, dropped me to the UK, and I was in the public eye. I had nowhere to live. I had no friends, no family nobody I could trust and I'm a very very like I've done everything by myself I've been independent my whole life but that was a lot that was scary very very scary and I remember a lot of times I was faking a smile work was so busy I was getting barely any sleep I remember my girlfriend back in Ireland. I was in a hotel. I don't remember any of this because she had to fill me in.

25:42All of a sudden, I'm outside my hotel room. Door is shut behind me and I'm on the phone to her. I have no recollection of how I got there, where I was, what I was doing. And she was crying and she was going Maura are you okay and I remember going what the hell is going on she was like no Maura you're actually scaring me and she was like where are you and I was like I'm outside the hotel room what is going on and she went you were asleep I called you you woke up and all you kept saying is I'm not allowed to sleep I can't sleep I can't do this and I was I was like obviously just not mentally okay I think I was just so overworked and I just I'll never forget I'll never forget how many like what was your Instagram following jump I think I went in there with like 40 ,000 I came out with I don't know it must have been 2 million maybe I see See, I mean.

26:47Yeah, it's wild. It's just wild. So you have paps following you, etc. Yeah. You're probably being booked to do public appearances every week. So you feel like you almost had a breakdown. You did have a breakdown. I had a breakdown. I, yeah, I had dark thoughts. Very dark thoughts. People are probably looking from the outside in saying, she, like, she hit the lottery on, like, I wish I could trade places with her. I wish I could be here. And you're saying that you were in a very dark place. If I was to turn back time, I would have not taken on as much as I did. I didn't realize this waited so much on you, that period.

27:31How dark was it? Pretty dark.

27:40Is there anything, because you've come out the other side,

27:48Well, you know, I'm going to go there just because I think this is going to be helpful.

27:56When you say pretty dark, what is pretty dark? I didn't want to be here anymore. I thought that was going to be the best thing. I couldn't I couldn't keep I felt like there was there was so much expected from me and because I was there on my own I was like I've I've just nobody to help you know people say moving house is stressful moving house is very stressful moving country while being thrown into the public eye is terrifying yes in that moment you wanted to take your life so this is going to be so helpful to so many people how did you go from that moment of wanting to take your life to that space a year later talking to your mother and she said that you're back what were those steps my girlfriend back in Ireland um she called my agent at the time behind my back she's a queen yes and um she basically demanded that i come back to ireland for a break and i got to go home i can't remember how long for and i just had my home comforts you know my my mammy my family my family my best friend i slept i remember i shot a Grazia cover magazine.

29:33Okay. And I couldn't believe I got, I was like, I'm shooting a Grazia? Like, I was like, oh my God, how? Like, that was like, how the hell am I doing this? I don't remember most of it. I do not remember most of it. I was, I was falling asleep on a stool while I was getting my makeup done. I didn't get to take it in. I didn't get to enjoy it. I was miserable. Like, like, just yeah it's it's a lot of it is a blur yeah yeah it really is you're i mean gosh god bless your your friend what a woman i'm telling you she literally could have made the difference between you being here and not it was just a lot all at one i feel it i could feel it but i tell you from the outside looking in you would have never known never would have known i would have thought that was you were at the top of the world.

30:27I wish I was. I wish.

30:40You were invited to Love Island early and you decided not to go on or what happened? So the season before they wanted me on but as like a cast of a more girl and I was like still shy still too shy to do but i'm not trying to like go in there and be a bulldozer if i just physically can't as much as i did gain so much confidence i still am like an introvert like i don't want to be the center of attention all the time like go in and like fuck shit up is it oh oh it's a no it's a no it's too much pressure okay it come knocking again was it your objective to try to use this to then what propel everything only fans everything so i was i kind of got sick of webcam at this point so bear in mind i'd been at the strip club at 19 started i'm now 24 okay so that's what's the mouse five yeah that's why she's a stripper it's all good it's all good we all have different talents you know yeah quick months is a night so um yeah five years in the sex industry i'm over webcaming dancing just hearing men's comments on my body at this point i'm shy i'll be in there a week but my following is going to go through the roof and that means i can charge more for my only fans okay that was all i was there for now the focus was how can you grow more only fan subscribers make money because i don't really have a job at this point we're just trying to get the get the money okay fair so now real question here how many other people do you think on love island were there for the money as well 95 who would admit it one you right so 95 according to you right are there for the money but because of that because we know the industry right we know that okay so that means that you have to you know you you need a storyline right so did you go in thinking okay i need to really almost own a character the producers were like you and wes have like a little something why don't you chat to him was like no no no it's with laura like i don't want to do that like don't you think it'd be kind of iconic though if It did.

32:56I was like, yeah, actually, it would. So you were thinking, iconic. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But I didn't think, obviously, he was a lot younger than me. I was 24, he was 21. And I just thought, he's probably in here for the same sort of reasons I'm in here. To be famous, to be nine, for whatever he wanted to do as the end goal, I didn't know. And you couldn't really discuss on camera. But I thought we was on the same sort of page. done that i didn't expect to like catch feelings of him but i did it's weird i was in there for eight weeks and yeah i did fall in love which is kind of not annoying it was beautiful and i love it and i don't regret it but oh i just feel bad then people actually go in there for love and don't find it and there's me just trying to boost the old and i'm fans when i come out like oh my guide them in that and you fell in love yeah you fell in love do you feel as if so you love Wes you feel as if he loved you I think he did at I think to go through that sort of experience where you're both normal people and then you come out with newfound fame and opportunities and experiences that can be overwhelming and scary I remember doing things and I think if it wasn't for him the first time we walked through an airport there were crowds and paps and my hands were shaking and his hands were shaking i was like oh i'm so glad i'm not doing this on my own yes and i think for that i'll always like treasure like him and them times we had but i think really he was about 21 i think he's an amazing wonderful guy but age and life you know but but when you got out then when you both got out you're now in a relationship right you're trying to make it work But at the same time, your original goal was, I'm here to make money.

34:47I thought there'd be a bit of backlash for the sex work, the OnlyFans. But it was so much hate. So they called me Muggy Megan on the front page of The Sun. And it wasn't just about being a sex worker. It was about my looks and my appearance. And I really was like, it felt to me like public enemy number one. Everybody hated me. they were like headlabs saying her sleazy past this that i mean at that point i can't imagine how you're feeling because you had the this plan right and the plan is now just falling apart in in front of you uh and what and do you feel like the press was playing you're the bad girl wes is the good guy yeah but not even about playing me against him it's just me by myself like they don't like to see a woman that's confident goes for what she wants i don't think it was very nice of people to see that i was with a really respectable beautiful man like y 'all before and then things didn't work out with y 'all and then i got with wes they thought oh who does she think she is she's just a stripper like this bring her down a few notches maybe they don't like assertive women i feel no this is where i have i have some experience in this Right.

36:06Because, I mean, I've had countless articles, you know, written about me that are not positive, but never to the degree that I've seen articles written about you, especially like front page, you know. And what I also find interesting is that these were folks who were writing articles not about what you were saying, but about how you looked. It feels like we're right back at you in childhood. So reading those, how are you feeling reading that? Like awful, honestly. It was hell. and it was even before my feet had even touched down in the UK, was all allowed out after the final party to be in this holding villa.

36:58We put on YouTube to play music. What's on there? Megan, before and after. How vile she was before. And it's like the picture they'd used, I was 16 or 17. I was a child. Yes. So I'm just lucky that, like, God or whoever was just watching over me was like, let me give this poor cow a break and let her at least fall in love for a minute while she's going through this shit storm. It was the love that got you through.

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