We're Talking CHEATING: Is Once A Cheat ALWAYS A Cheat? "I Had Death Threats After Cheating"

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0:27All right, guys. Welcome to our very first episode of We're Talking. Every Thursday, we're dropping the most unforgettable moments from We Need to Talk that sparked debate, stopped you in your tracks, and lit up the group chat. This week's episode is inspired by one of the most talked about moments in my house. And that is the viral Coldplay clip where Chris Martin called out those two. You know exactly who I'm talking about. the two who were hugged up on each other and then the moment that the camera panned to them, ducking like they had just seen a ghost. Turns out they weren't just colleagues.

1:05Cheating is one of those topics that gets everyone talking because we've all got different definitions of boundaries and beliefs around it, right? So if I were to ask you, is once a cheat always a cheat? What would you say? Can you come back from betrayal? What are the boundaries around cheating and not cheating? This is why this particular conversation is so important. So what we're going to do is bring you the best of conversations I've had with previous guests on cheating. So let's get into it. Today, we're talking cheating.

1:54one question i have to ask you so katie oh no now what no no this is good this is good so the question is is is once a cheater always a cheater now i have to say when someone cheats then it can be in a spectrum of other things because then they can say oh i've got sex addiction i've got this and that that this is what i've had to deal with with one of my relationships he wasn't just a cheat he did it with my best friend two of my best friends of 25 years then it was the nanny then it was the housekeeper then it's this person that all people I knew because it was easy for him to cheat. I think he must have a problem.

2:38And then other people, I think they cheat. This is what for men. I'm not saying women are any good because women are just as bad as men. And I think alcohol is no excuse. But I think if people are out and alcohol and it's easy, it's the fuck it button. And then they'll probably regret it after. So there's so many situations why people cheat. Or if they're not happy in a relationship, they want the attention from someone else and get it. And then before you know it, you're enrolled in the conversation to the point you either meet or you don't. Then you do and then you cheat. I've seen so many spectrums of cheating and what I've been through as well.

3:18Can I say, even from an academic standpoint, you just said it perfectly. Oh, did I? There's four main categories of physical and emotional cheaters. Right. One is someone who's like a sex addict. Yeah. It's repetition, repetition. People have to remember, sex addiction, they don't care who it is. It's to do with the adrenaline and they feel shit after. And the higher the rush and the worse situation it is, the more heightened it is, the better the thrill that they feel shit after. Okay. So you said one of your former partners? Yes. Sex addict, right? So that's one category. Another category you just said, you said the alcohol, it's called situational.

3:56Yeah. A third category is conflict avoidant. Because there's conflict, they're trying to avoid potential conflict, they're trying to get out of the relationship. And then the last category is revenge. Yes. For me, revenge, see I'm not into one-night stands, I'm not a one-night stand person. So when I hear of people who do the one-night stand thing for revenge, I'm like, that's not going to make you feel better, that's going to make you feel schnicked. So do you think, though, once a cheater, always a cheater? Right. So when I say if I cheated, it's been at the end of a relationship, like my ex who cheated on me with everyone and like, yeah.

4:38And so then I start getting attention and then I would go out and have dinner or meet them. Okay. But it doesn't mean I had sex with them. But it was still a cheating. But that's still a cheat. That's what I'm saying. People have to remember, sex doesn't mean it's cheating. Texting. And you know it's wrong, it's cheating. If you know in your head, oh, I shouldn't be doing this, think to yourself, would you like your other partner to do it? And if you're already questioned, is it right or wrong, you've crossed the line. There you go. So then I have to ask, you tell me. So once a cheat, always a cheat.

5:11They've done it once. See, I've been burnt so bad with it. Depends why they cheated, but I would say if they've done it once, they're capable of doing it again. Wow, look at that.

5:35Your romantic relationships played out across TOWIE. Fucking did they. Now, some people would ask, were those real? Mm-hmm. They were real? Yeah, of course they were. I mean, at the beginning, I didn't know what I was getting into, so I was just myself. And I made a million mistakes, and they played out all across the UK for millions of people. You were a relationship with Meghan in particular at that time. That's one of the first times, you know, people are seeing something like this ever in their lives. When the breakup happens, and I guess ultimately it was you... Yeah, completely. Yeah, you cheated.

6:08Yeah. When that happened, what was the reaction to you in the public side? Oh, I mean... I... I have never experienced... I mean, it's really hard when I look back on it to think about how bad it was because at the time, you're so caught up in it. I was going through a breakup with Megan that everyone kind of knew the ins and outs of. It was laid out there. I was getting death threats daily. Death threats? I was fully fully death threats I had people spit at me in the streets I had people send me videos of the dolls they'd made hanging from trees that they were burning like burning effigies I had a lot at the time it was I felt like I was a national hate figure like public enemy number one but all I was bothered about was at the time was was Megan and the fact that I'd kind of lost Megan and I'd upset her and and and I felt so guilty so so guilty um but with that on top I again I was just I was all over the shop but that it you know it is what it is and and and the annoying thing is is people say you know if you're in the public eye you put yourself in for for this sort of stuff and completely you put yourself in a position where you know you allow people to make judgment and you allow people to have opinions but um you know even i've just done strictly i was getting death threats through strictly for still being in the competition because there were better dancers leaving and it does get to the point where yeah of course you put yourself in in in the position to for people to pass judgment i don't think anyone really deserves death threats and all the rest of it it does get a bit fucking silly but that was my first experience of it back then and then like now i kind of go and fucking it's ridiculous but then yeah to get to get a death threat i mean yeah unfortunately i've i've received a death threat so so i i can i can empathize and sympathize with it the first time that it comes you you're thinking oh my god hell do you know what i mean yeah and and don't get me wrong like i was in the wrong um and always held my hands up about that and but it's something that it was between kind of megan and i and obviously we were on a show so then it became between megan and and and the UK but um but I never meant to hurt her and obviously I did but the death threats and everything else that comes from it you know people go through breakups and people you know cheat and do whatever else and it's fucking horrible and there's no right or wrong for it but the the attention that that got the me and Megan kind of thing and what that brought with it I was just dumbfounded.

9:10I just didn't know what to do. Yeah, I can't imagine because at this point, this is where your notoriety across the UK is. I mean, it's everyone knows you, right? And you've now just broken up with the UK's darling. Yeah. Right? You're the bad guy. Yeah. So the press begins, right? the press begins and it's relentless how do you think that that has impacted your relationships since then oh um i think it's made me very wary of the press i were fully of the press um but it's made me also kind of wary of people it's made me more private with enough and i know I've done reality TV and you know but I've always that's when I think from that point I became kind of two peeps there's the Pete that is on TV which is still Pete and it's still me I've always done everything as me right wrong or whatever else but then there's the very private me that my friends know and the people who know me not on a camera know and that is I mean really the difference between those two people despite the fact that they're kind of the same is that the one that is off screen is soft as shit but the impression that I gave across with I was you know pretty hard miserable it couldn't really affect me type thing because it became a lot easier for people to hate that person than it did for people to hate the kind of real me that was a bit more vulnerable so the real Pete is vulnerable fucker yeah yeah

11:11Are you feeling very alone at this point, before Love Island? Yeah. Yeah. Are you dating anyone? Are you seeing anyone? I was for a few years. And he cheated on me multiple times. I was contacted for Love Island like a couple of years in a row and I always said no I really really like this guy and they had came again this one year and I was like no you know I'm so happy and then I was like I need to go through his phone I just need to check I just need to check which I know a lot of people don't agree on whatever but look I'm glad I did now. Yes. Because I found more stuff than I ever thought I'd find.

12:06Like multiple women. It wasn't just one, two, three. Jeez. Yeah, it was honestly, my heart was thumping. Jeez. Yeah. You know, when something like that happens, I know that there's also a debate of, okay, do I tell them or not? Do I tell my partner or not? What did you do? Did you confront him? No. You didn't? No, I was in his house in LA. I called my girlfriend back in Ireland told her everything she was like oh my god you need to go up and kill him and I went no no no no I went that's too easy it's too easy to just shout at him what and then that's it nah stayed in his house a few more days cuddled up to him told him I loved him he went to the gym I called back Love Island I was like I'll do the show then when I flew back I did all my interviews and picture things and everything for the show while still downed upon to him I love you miss you so much baby it sounds psychotic but it was my way of dealing with it and I actually wanted to go into the show without telling him so I had spoke to the producers and they were like oh how long have you been single and I was like I'm not I'm actually not and they're like what and I was like well the guy is cheating on me at the moment so and they were like I just don't think you should do this because when you're in there he could say whatever he wants and you know they were looking out for me so I was like okay so I had to call him and I dumped him over the phone I mean he didn't deserve respect in my eyes um and then all of a sudden I think it was like very close to me going on love him like maybe a a week before going on the show I get a message and he's in my hometown he flew the whole way from America and he wanted to meet me I brought my girlfriend with me she sat there listening to the whole thing and I just said straight away I was like can I see your phone and he went sure and I just remembered one of the women and I said where's all your messages from her and he said never even heard of that girl and lucky to god when i went through his phone crazy crazy girl i videoed everything on my phone did you yeah yeah am i crazy no no you know what i was going to come back but let's let's just say that now is that uh the negative self-talk you have to stop right you've called yourself psychotic you called yourself crazy you called yourself greedy all within this conversation oh my god yeah you have i didn't realize that you have multiple times you can't do that okay you can't do that words are powerful yeah they really are i think you're brilliant i think what you're doing is all the right that's right yeah you're documenting evidence come on now yeah that's what you're doing right because otherwise it sounds to me at least from your story yeah he's gaslighting you that that is that is we often misuse words but that's a gaslight right there that's official dictionary i've got the evidence like come on yeah so the fact that you had the evidence that's that's brilliant but now let me ask you so he had flown there to win you back clearly he doesn't win you back no okay so he He goes back?

15:41He asked me to go to Paris with him for the weekend just to talk. Just to talk. And I was like, absolutely not. Like, it's not happening. Okay. Because you're going to Love Island. Well, I'm going to Love Island. So now. And I just wouldn't. Even if the show wasn't there, I will not forgive that. No, not at all. I'd never trust him again. I would always be watching my back. Just say, for instance, he went out with his friends. I'd be thinking, what is he doing? Why isn't he replied to me? I don't want to turn into that girl. I don't want to be that girl. But I just feel like, apart from my best friend, every guy has just let me down.

16:21So I kind of, I go into it, no one, well, I say no one, but I expect to be let down. There you go. And you can never be in a healthy relationship. If I'm expecting that. If you're expecting to be let down. Yeah. You know it. already yeah so that's something that you have to work on for yourself but it also could be about how you're choosing your partners and who you're oh i can choose them you could choose them oh yeah very badly there you go it's about who you're allowing in your life i told mammy the next one has to be a serial killer no no no that's what i told her she was like what i was like mammy come on no not at all

17:14What do you believe informed that behavior early on to always be looking for infidelity? I always just had male friends. That was always who I connected with the most. I had female friends, but the problem I always felt is that they would always enter an element of competition. Not because I'm so fascinated or anything like that. It's just that it just so happens that it would lead to that direction. And I blame myself. There must be something in my energy that causes some people to start being a bit on their back foot. So unless the woman was really happily married, which I have really happily married friends, when there was any element of them still on the mark, anything, it would always just turn a little bit negative.

17:52And I would always kind of lean into my male friends and be like, oh, I don't know what happened here and I don't know what happened there. And what would happen is because I felt a bit safer because I felt like there was no competition and I don't care if somebody fancies me. It doesn't affect my, because people are like, oh, how can you be friends with boys? they're going to want you and they're going to want to be with you so I don't care that's their problem so because I never let that bother me I was totally vulnerable with them I always felt like and they were vulnerable back so what I'd learn is all the tricks of cheating in the process so they would be like oh yeah yeah I sometimes just put my girl's picture on my whatsapp picture so she doesn't get scared but I still message other girls or sometimes I'll go to the club and I'll always tell my location but I still do what I want when I'm there so I realized that oh they actually they lie a lot they lie a lot and whereas with girls they don't tell you if they're lying like they would never expose that if they're having an affair boys would tell you oh yeah I worked with this girl and yesterday I went with that girl so I learned this behavior that was like oh my god is this what you guys do and in that moment of realization I thought okay I I've got to be one step ahead of guys and then also being young and then you know being around lots of men what would happen is I would see them risk their own relationships to try and talk to me or their own relationships trying to be with me so I learned that men are not as monogamous as you think and they're not as faithful as you think particularly the men I affiliate with I'm not saying all men but I tend to go around men who are very confident have a lot of access to women who you know don't struggle with women I realized that it's not that easy they can be madly in love with you but still sexually attracted to somebody else and that realization was the opposite of what girls would always tell you they say oh when he loves you he'll never touch anybody else I'm like But when he loves you, he sees a good pair of tits.

19:33He still might want something. People used to say to me, he would never cheat on you. You're amazing. And I was like, you can be amazing. But you might have one thing that they're missing or they really crave. And they can go elsewhere. So I went in with that mentality. Like, oh, no, you're not going to trick me. I know the situation too well. And that's where it came from. Wow. You know what? That makes sense. Does it actually? I feel like I just went on a roller coaster. No, no. Well, I mean, for someone who has been researching it, right, now I begin to better understand why you have certain positions.

20:08Yes. Right. As a result of your childhood, as a result of having many friends who were men. Yeah. Right. And then also having a husband who then changes your perspective. Right. I see that, you know, it's not black or white for you. You live in the gray. Yeah. Right. Which I think we all should live in the gray. Objectivity. What I've learned from these conversations and coaching couples for years is that cheating isn't always the end of a relationship, but it's always a turning point. And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page.

20:41Drop a like, leave a comment and hit subscribe. That's it for this episode. And I want to leave you with my biggest takeaway. Just don't go to a Coldplay concert. See you next week.

20:56Thank you.