Who Is The REAL Rose McGowan? I Was Raised In A Cult

0:00Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, I sit down with Rose McGowan, star of Planet Terror, Charmed and Scream, for a deeply personal conversation about growing up, moving from Italy to Hollywood, and trying to find safety in a world that rarely offered it.

0:28so through my adult life my entire adult life i have known of you right and it's interesting because i thought i knew you but clearly knew nothing about what was actually happening and so I think this is going to be an opportunity for me to indulge in fully unpacking and understanding you. Also, I had no idea. You were born in Italy. Yeah. I grew up in a thing called Children of God, but in Italian, Bambini de Dios, in Italy. At that time, when Children of God was labeled a cult afterwards, when they went into this, that was not the word for it. There was no word for that, right? And it was just, you know, the end of Vietnam.

1:21It was that my father was this wild artist and his father was pretty high up in the Navy. And my father did everything he could not to go to war to America. So they were here in the UK, but they were part of Children of God. The nascent, you know, thing eventually grew to 130 chapters worldwide. From what I understand, your father was considered in the earlier days to be a leader within children of God, right? So would you say that he was a part of, he was hypnotized in essence? I would say my father was very charismatic, check, very beautiful, check, wild, unique thinker, check, check, check, but also looked like a rock star and loved the ladies, check, check, check.

2:07And his ideals were really, I don't disagree with them. I mean, he was anti-capitalism, cool, But more interestingly, like we would go out, like my earliest memories of him, we would go out in the Tuscan hillsides and we would go hunting for colors. For colors. He was to me like, like it was just his mind was so unique and informed so much of how I see things. Right. And yeah, like we would go out and be like, oh, OK, now you have to find five different shades of blue. Now you have to find seven different shades of red or orange or what is the farthest you can see this light to. That was what we were – so instead of going the perception of hunting as he was raised doing maybe with a gun and with an animal, something that dies, it was transmitted into something beautiful and unique.

2:59I see it. So for me, that's kind of like how my – I see it. Yeah. And that was a big part of why he was so special. I think it really devastated him that the whole thing collapsed. And he kind of didn't know how to fit into regular society. But he was, I would say, my greatest love and greatest enemy for a long time. Absolutely. I could see that. Even in how you're speaking about him. I can even see how your voice changed ever so slightly in speaking about him. I could see now how he joined or why he would join because it was a place where he felt like he could fit in. He did this amazing painting after I was conceived.

3:40It's Henry VIII in this full regalia, and you could see how he did it. You could almost see the hairs on the fur that he put and the jewels and gemstones in this beautiful garden, but he also put an orange beanie on his head with a pom-pom and a big stein of lager. That was his perspective. So I can see what my mother was very much attracted to. Because there was a duke. That was my father's, like, kind of number two. Okay. And it was his grounds and his palace, Palazzo, that we grew up in. So that this kind of very unique, massive property. So didn't really kind of go outside too much. And I grew up, like, reading full books.

4:18And a lot of the books were from the 1700s, 1800s. So I had completely different names and information for things. And my first language was Italian. Yes. Yes. The performing piece, though, you were performing. Was it you were made to perform? Is that correct? So you were literally performing because you needed to generate a certain amount of money to bring back to the organization. What do you call it? Organization to the. LLC. No. To the company. To the company. I don't know. I know that we were in Malta at some point, and I know we were deported from there. I think they were passing out little pamphlets and things, and I think the Maltese were like, that's a no for us.

5:04Wow. So you were going out and performing in Italy. So that was the beginning of your performance career, technically. Yes. So you were literally, you remember having to, did you feel the pressure of having to make money? I remember more that I remember noticing what other children were wearing and their clothes versus us, which was kind of homemade. You could agree that this is not the atypical experience? Quite. Quite. Quite. One of the things, actually, when I met you, you said, what I really like is guests that are very relatable. And I'm like, oh.

5:54Well, this might not be my baby. But I think the feeling of the situations is highly relatable. And then when I went out to greater society where it's kind of a more watered down version of an intense cult. Yes. And intense relationship dynamics and intense. I saw the patterns of it. Yes. But I just saw that the people weren't actively aware that they were engaging in these patterns. Yes, yes, yes. And my father was very funny, but also sometimes not. He would call himself God with a small g. It was his way of staying humble. I see. I see. With a small g. Fair. God with a small g. I would imagine, though, an immense—because how old was your father at this time?

6:42Gosh, probably—it would have been 26. Young man, lots of responsibility. and so he's gone with a small g, right? But at a certain point, though, he decides that this is not the right... Yeah. This is not right. It's not weird. But what I'm curious about is, where did you feel safe as a little girl? Now. Nowhere. So there's nowhere that you feel safe by the age of five. I've been asked that a lot, quite like, do you feel safe now? And I, that was not a real word in my life that, and kind of even now, that's not, I've worked a lot on nervous system reset, things like that. But yeah, I don't think that was, I think I had moments, but I think I learned when kind of the rug got pulled out to don't trust that moment.

7:40Exactly. And would you say that the only person that you felt you can trust was yourself? Okay, okay. So your father then takes you, his second wife, your brother. Well, actually, my brother and I got sent to the U.S. without them. Without them. And I remember crying because they served us food. You know, I come from Italy, and that food was like when you start at that level, everything else. Then now you've got American 1980s food. Yeah, it was probably right out the microwave. It was shocking. Yes. My brother and I, we were in a supermarket. We'd never been in a supermarket. We'd never heard music coming in through speakers, so we'd kind of hug our ears.

8:25And then we also saw bright orange cheese, which we thought was the funniest thing in the world. We were like that. And then someone said, you're going to be living here now. Yeah. And we started crying. Look at that. The joke was on us. Oh, my gosh. But I can imagine, though, that you are, this is an awakening of, It's probably a nightmare that you're going through. But this was your father's family. Yeah. So then is that your first time learning English? No, I understood it. I knew English. I just refused to speak it. I just was like. It's beneath me. It's beneath me. Okay. I don't know why.

8:59I don't know where I got that from, but I did. I think it was also just the people that were like, you're so lucky we saved you. And I was like. And I just was like, oh, no. And that this kind of, I thought, arrogance that really bothered me. Yes. Still bothers me. Yes. A misplaced arrogance. Why the name change? And who was it? Was it your family? No. No? It was an administrator at the military base school. Really? And I kind of, I remember what she said, this lady. And I remember being very small and her leaning over. It was kind of like a scene in a movie. And her saying, and I remember it was just such a vile, I didn't understand what Mexicans were or what that great country is or their history.

9:48I didn't know anything about that. But she said, you don't want to sound Mexican. Oh, wow. That's what it was. Straight up. And that actually what a dramatic, almost sliding doors moment. I think Rose says a soft name. I think Rose, which isn't actually my name but is, sounds to me like a bit of a velvet fist with some spikes on it. Beautiful but thorny. It'll cut you. I think also I just – I think I never even as a child perceived myself as a child. People would say, how old are you? And I would say 73 ,312. How old are you? And then they'd be like, screw away. Right, right. But I just felt that old.

10:30I just felt ancient. I felt like I was like part of time somehow. And I think partially why I've kind of lived maybe a unique life or kept kind of that brain is because I didn't have that kind of groundwork from a very small child of the same kind of programming that others got. I got different programming. But it was so obvious I could reject it, most of it. Some stuck, but a lot I could push back on. But the other stuff was just, I was old enough to be like, well, that's goofy. I just can't. Not that I'm contrarian. I'm not. Like, honestly, I'm not that fluffed about that many things. But I just didn't, like, who would I be if I was, you know, and then later having to be all these different characters.

11:17That's when I got lost. But I did, luckily, had a strong sense of self, I think. I don't know if that's lucky or unlucky. Don't know. Yeah. I think it's blessed to have a strong sense of self, especially at that age, because I think about my children, what I want for them to, more than anything, is I want them to be kind, independent thinkers. You know, that's what I want. And it sounds like that's precisely who you were. You were a kind, independent thinker. What was your thought on where you wanted to go at 14? Well, from a very young age, before I'd even seen a screen, I knew I would somehow be on it.

12:00But not in a way that was like, that's what, it was just like, I know this. Okay. So I should probably study for this. I would watch any time an old film came on. And I would study their body language and their posture and how they would, you know. and how almost their faces moved with the light. And I would study, and then I would put, like, a sheet on myself and make it into a long evening gown. And I'm not the only kid that's done this, obviously, but I just knew I was training for destiny. So how do you go from a 14-year-old in Seattle, living with your father, to Hollywood? I saw a flyer that someone had posted for, like, you could be an extra in a movie for$35 a day.

12:49And I was like, all right. So I did that, and I wound up, funny, being cast as a... I've never seen this movie. It does look absurd. But it was some robot cyborg teachers, you see. Oh, really? As they do. And I was in a gang. called The Black Hearts, and I had a little drawn black heart on my little cherub face, this little round head. And it was funny because you could just, I have seen clips of it, and I had no dialogue, but they definitely made me a featured extra. And so like, being in this classroom scene, you just see my little head just kind of like. I was so dumb. So that was your first film?

13:38Yeah, and then I met this kid on it that was like a child star. and had been in, to me, one of my favorite vampire movies, Near Dark, and a movie called River's Edge. So how is it that you specifically get from or go from Seattle to, is it L.A.? An Amtrak. That's specifically how you do it. You ask. But by yourself. Yeah. I don't remember the leaving. I do remember feeling very badly. I told my little brother at that point I'd come to live with my dad and I, And I felt very, very bad about having to leave him with my dad at the stage my dad was in. But I also knew that I was either going to kill my dad with a chicken mallet or he would kill me.

14:23And I felt really bad leaving my brother, but I couldn't do it anymore. And I also knew this was my shot out. All right. My way out. Did you have anything lined up? No, because you're 14. Right. But I did have the child actor on the set that I made friends with and his mother, Susan Miller, who they were kind of ensconced. They were like from old Hollywood in a way, like the history of them. And they took me in. So I lived in this big house in an area called Hancock Park. Wow. And they got me an audition. And I auditioned. I got one line in a movie with Brendan Fraser and Pauly Shore called Encino Man.

15:06Encino Man, yes. And I remember being very upset that they wouldn't give a hot – it was a night shoot. It was nighttime and the extras were cold and they wouldn't give them hot coffee. I remember thinking – the producers – and I remember just thinking like – it just felt like there's some – and then I thought, oh, these people are not for me. These people are not cool. This is not my vibe. I love Brendan and that was cool. but no and then I actually my mom moved to to Los Angeles and we had a really beautiful I think it was like six or seven months together and I actually did like a semester at Hollywood High okay which is where some very famous people went to school and I did my one theater experience was there and I played Antigone who um you know yes I remember that was really powerful and that was cool.

16:03I really actually did well with those people. They were the first time I was around younger people because I'd also like at 14 in Seattle was like being photographed and had a boyfriend that was like 36 who would drop me off a block away from my dad. Boyfriend didn't understand. Later I'm like I didn't I just didn't so didn't relate to people my age I didn't know what You had a boyfriend who's 36 when you were 14. Yeah, I did not understand. Now I'm like, oh. Now I understood, obviously with hindsight, when he would take me to parties, people would be like... I just thought maybe they thought I was ugly or freaky because that was how I interpreted when people would look at me weird.

16:52Was that, at 14, was that your first boyfriend? That was your first relationship? And he would show me, like, you know, French films with like older men and like, you know, the classic grooming crap, but make it art. Yes. And now I'm like, no wonder my dad would have killed you. And rightfully so. Yeah. So that was, how long was that relationship? I mean, relationship. I don't know. I mean, six months. Six months. Okay. And then I, yeah. And then you left. Yeah. I tell you, though, I can see that your entire life was, it was not a 14-year-old's life whatsoever. So I didn't know where to, where do I fit, you know?

17:37And honestly, like, there were times when I would walk down the street and some of these places I lived, you know, when I was younger, and I would look at families through windows. not like in a creeper way but in a way almost um kind of especially around the holidays I would see like it just and I was like both um confused comforted and jealous at the same time because it was like this really like I know I've I've met some people that have been like well I can't compete with your life and I'm like no no you're like a more stable beautiful consistent safe that's exotic and beautiful to me that to me is highly interesting yes and um he I felt really bad for a lot of these Hollywood kids you know like um their parents were very wealthy working very hard but would uh kind of slip a check from the accountant under the door and like let that be it.

18:44That's it. No intimacy. Just, here's the money. These kids were like spoiled, obnoxious, rich, lonely, empty. Your mother, she must have known she was going to leave. Why was she leaving? Where was she leaving to go? She went back to, at that point I think she went back to Washington State and to my youngest brother who, you know, that was good. Okay. and had fallen for someone, and maybe it was job, too. I don't know that, but moved, yeah. Okay. But we had actually a great time for that six or eight months. It was really, I had a brilliant time with her. We had this really, really cute 1920s little bungalow right dead in Hollywood now.

19:31Like, I know, like, you wouldn't live in that area. It was like a sketchy area, but it was a real house. It was a really beautiful time, and I got to be with my mom. This is the first time that I can think from knowing your story all the way through to this age. So you are 15. 15. You're 15. This is the first time that you've had what would be considered to be a safe family environment, a safe home. Safe home. Yeah. So this is. So the fact that then your mother wants to leave, that must... That sucked. Yeah, that must be terrible for you. Yeah, that was not ideal. But I also, there was no place for me, like really, because my dad was as he was when I'd left him.

20:24And then with my mom, there was no... And I couldn't return to that world. I'd already been in this world you know I'd already been you know so I'd already been around like some quite famous um much uh now I knew they're like how famous these people were like from legendary older actors like from back in the day that would be at the Hancock Park house that I was staying out with them so I was exposed to you know a different level of um kind of unique fabulousness and again I'd been raised on these kind of classic films of this idea of classic Hollywood and that was kind of very much around me yes but by the time I was 15 and a half I'd I'd gone to court to legally emancipate myself I don't know what they call that in the UK but essentially divorcing your parents so you can have autonomy you can have a bank account you could you know I wasn't old enough to drive but I did that and I remember that I remember feeling I had gotten very few compliments in my life on my on my mind and I remember the judge saying you would make a fine lawyer so like wow look at that look at that nice confluent at 15 but you're emancipated now so you are responsible for yourself at 15 responsible for where you're going to live what's the next next film for you it was a wild movie it's called the doom generation and honestly it's super bananas crazy but i love it visually it's just it's so cool so cool so many um artists working on it like the crew and and like every level of department really amazing but there was um it also felt like really like kind of sexist too in a lot of ways behind the scenes like I was um some stuff was got like they laid me on top of uh it's not the actor's fault they laid me on top of his body face to face for the chemistry thing and he had an erection and that's not his fault you just laid a girl on top of him and then now say the lines for the camera there was no scene in the movie that was that, but I kind of floated out of my body.

22:26So I quickly realized, I was like, okay, no one's going to protect you again. And that was, you know, okay, you're on your own in a way, but I also still understood how to deal with, and then before the movie came out, I'm on the cover of Interview Magazine, a very famous magazine. So life really changes just like that. But even in that process, okay, help me understand this, because I think I understand Rosa. Yeah. Rose gets confused. Yes. But I feel like this is Rose almost. Because to me, correct me if I'm wrong here, Rosa would have walked away the moment that something went slightly awry on that set or didn't feel as if it was in her eyes as right.

23:19she would have said, I'm done. Yeah. I think something to do with the fact that I was homeless again and that when she asked me if I wanted to be, I said, well, how much money does it pay? And it was$10 ,500, and I realized a very small amount of money, but with that, I could get a flat. I could get an apartment. I could live somewhere. All right. That was why. All right. Makes sense. Makes sense. But then all of a sudden, I'm being sent around the world at film festivals. People, when it premiered at Sundance Film Festival, like, you know, like there was like a real, like some people walked out, like one person vomited, the director was like, yes, which I kind of thought was punk and amazing and other people really loved it.

24:02My father, I told him, don't go see this movie when it played at the Seattle Film Festival. And again, I didn't understand at this point, I knew because I had a topless scene. I think my character was like kind of like sad in a bathtub. and then my dad, I thought, I told him not to go, but he did. Then he chased the director out and tried to beat him up in the alley, which now I'm like, well, fair play. Did he? Did he? But he didn't tell me that, the director I told him. But my dad didn't. And he did say, like, well, congratulations on officially being a whore. That's what you thought. And we didn't talk for about five years after that, yeah.

24:42I think he saw and understood more about the machine of Hollywood than I did. But at the time, I was like, no, these are cool people. This is good. And so I was like, you know, pass. Right, right. And if you want to hear the full unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week.

25:13So

25:19you