Why I Had To Leave The Jungle! We're Talking: I'm a Celeb

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0:2818 plus terms apply. Hello, and welcome to We're Talking. For most of us, watching I'm a Celebrity is just a bit of fun. But for those who've lived it, the jungle is something else entirely. In this episode, past campmates reflect on what really happens when the cameras stop rolling. The fear, the friendships, and the bush-tucker trials.

1:02So I was just doing bits of presenting and I got off of the jungle and I thought oh I want to do it and Brian said to make a show of myself and I got Lou Walsh to convince Brian to let me do it. Okay. So then once you knew you were going to do it, how did that then, did that disagreement? No, I think he was still in Westlife at this point. he said because you know at the end when someone comes out and meets you when you walk off the bridge he said I can't come I'm going to be on tour fair enough I'll ask our Angela to come and meet me you know he didn't want really anything to do with it but I think that the more the show went on and the more that people saw a lot of thought because at the beginning they thought I was I got nicknamed the woman from Windjerk because I also did was cry I won't go home to my mansion I miss Brian I miss the kids I don't want to go home I can't do it, I can't do it, no.

1:57And I was having panic attacks. I was a mess. Yeah, but I'm a celebrity, right? That show, I think, is very hard. It's very challenging. At least, I mean, I've never been on it, but from looking at it, it seems like it's challenging, right? Yeah, you've got to find your feet. Yes, and the idea is to put pressure on these celebrities. Oh, that's why you get starved. And, I mean, you really are hungry. You really are hungry. Yeah. But I kind of went into it blind a little bit because I didn't really, I just thought, for me, Paul, when I get asked to do these things, I think, what a great adventure.

2:31This kid from foster home is doing these, you know, I don't go and sit and do a normal job nine to five. And I just think on my deathbed, I'm going to go, did it all. Oh, my goodness. Done it all. What a great, and that's all I can tech with me. I can't tech this, can't tech the Lamborghinis, can't do this. All I can tech is the memories I've created for me and my children. Yes. That's it? Yes. That's all you have? Your last thought when you close your eyes, that's going to be it. I came in this world with nothing, but I want to make sure I leave with every amazing memory I can possibly create.

3:04And that was part of your rationale for saying, I'm going to do, I'm a celebrity. Even though your husband was saying, don't do it. And me being told not to do something, Paul, doesn't really work out too well for a lot of people because they end up proving them wrong anyway. All right. And you sure did because you ended up winning. I did. All right. From what I understand, you were the first woman to win. Ice ratings I've ever had. I'm a celebrity. Okay. Look at this. Look at this. So then you win. And when you win, you're right. Normally there's someone that comes out from your family or friends.

3:41And it was supposed to be our Angela. Okay. And as I sat there, Ant and Deco, we got surprised. We got Brian on the phone. I was like, oh, are you, babe? You all right? How you doing? and then he came walking out. I was like, what? Oh my God, what are you doing here? Because I love you. Declared his love to me. And everyone was crying. It was a massive love story. And how did you feel in that moment? I was just over the moon. When you're doing a show like that, you don't realise the attention it's getting back at home. It wasn't that big when I, when we did it, that show made it so big. Don't forget we had Peter Andre and Katie Price in there.

4:16Yeah. Their love story. So we're just, we've got no phones, know nothing you know got johnny rotten in there i'm the youngest in there and i think i don't and i'm in vinyl i'm thinking what i'm like why am i in vinyl i actually thought i'll go in jungle right you go to australia you get put in the zycho hotel so i'll be the first one voted out i'll just go and piss with that and deck i thought don't walk wait till you get voted out because i was so close to walking i just wait just wait to get voted out and then at least you can say you did as much as you could i just kept staying and staying i'm thinking don't get this really i didn't get it at all but now from what i also understand is part of it is a bit of a popularity contest because it's the public that is supporting you right yeah that's what i didn't get but yeah so did you i didn't do i don't know what i did in there to have won that I don't know why I did Big Brother I was like 17 votes off winner, I was runner up I don't know what it is I did because I think I'm a bit of a knob Okay Maybe that's what it is No and I didn't because you had the Katie and the Peter story, they was always you know and then when I watch it back and then see Johnny Rot and say I want Kerry to win this I was like you didn't realise how big this was in the UK It took over everything.

5:44Everything. It was appointments. The mayor of Warrington opened up the house on the grounds and everyone who was... with a big banner with my welcome home carry. I was like, this is nuts. Wow. And I got off that plane, Paul, I've never seen press like it in my life and that's why it changed for me, Brian. And then, oh, OK.

6:16How does your television career really start? Is it I'm a Celebrity? Is that first catapult? Yeah. So I've done I'm a Celebrity twice. But the first time I did it, it just came left to field. It changed everything. I had nothing left to prove. But I think I just looked sort of just, I don't know, not very capable, I would probably say. like a bit small and dull like somebody said when I went in. And it was really nice to go in and just show that I'm tough. I am mentally extremely strong. And I don't think a lot of people probably think that. But I'm tough. So did you feel like going on to I'm a Celebrity the first time, right?

7:01I had nothing to lose. It was nothing to lose, but I have something to prove. I think I had a lot to prove to myself.

7:13everybody that knew me said don't do it bar a couple of people my best mate Lauren Lauren Laverne she said to do it did you go further in I'm a celebrity than you thought you would every single time someone picked the phone up and kept me and I couldn't believe it couldn't believe it and then when I got out it's really funny because I actually thought I was going to either get a rice commercial because I made the rice so they kept burning the rice you know I'm Asian I can I've got the rice like this I could do what are you all doing to the rice like my Filipino auntie must have been like what are you doing everyone puts too much water yeah and then they then kill it yeah so I got involved you didn't think that you would get a white bikini commercial.

8:04Are you sure? I was in there with Fina Arice, who was in a program called Footballers Wives, who looks like this Amazonian goddess. And I was in there with Faith, who, bless her, I am not well endowed, but Faith got the gift. And I thought that, you know, those shower scenes, I admit, looking from the outside, looking in, they look great. But what you don't see is if they just frame out a little bit longer you've got dean gaffney and toby anastis all waiting with their razors and their soap and their towels because you're in and then you're out and the next person's in and then they're out because that that that waterfall is on and off yes they decide when you're gonna wash and when you're not yes but but now if we could talk about that scene in particular because i've noticed um a lot of online chatter about those scenes it was the most googled i was top three during that time.

9:02Okay. It was a moment. It was a moment. It was a serious moment. Yeah. Honestly, I couldn't have written that script. It was written for me. I went in with a stripy bikini and I was told moments before, you can't wear that. It's going to strobe on camera. Go and get a plain bikini. You don't even have long. Go with the researcher because you aren't allowed to meet or bump into anybody else. get the plainest bikini you can find and i went into the shop and i said i need the plainest bikini you can should we have a white bikini i owe that girl i heard that guy i have your phone you owe her a lot i do you owe her a lot yeah so you would say then that as well as everything else the rice etc contributed to you you were runner-up i came runner-up that time now runner-up on I'm a Celebrity, especially then, right?

9:57That typically catapults people to the next. Do you feel like I'm a Celebrity moved you into a different perspective with the audience? 100%. It gave me a chance to be a person again. Okay. Honestly, and it was like going to Girl Scouts. I'd never been to camp. I'd never done anything like that. So I loved every second. You hear people who are just begging to get out. I was begging to stay in. Wow, look at that. Yeah. Look at that. It was unbelievable. By the time you left I'm a Celebrity, do you feel like you had found your voice? I feel like I'd found the confidence. Oh, God, it sounds so...

10:45To be me. But I felt it was okay to actually be me. Because there was no editing, because you don't know which bits they're going to use. so you can only be yourself. Yeah. Let's think about that. What year was that? 2006. 2006. So 2006 is the first time where you thought, it's okay to be me. Yeah. Wow.

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12:21So I'm a celebrity. Yeah. I could see why this is a good choice. Yeah. It's a massive show. Yeah. And, you know, there was interest in everyone, but let's face it, there was a lot of interest in you. Yeah. Okay, a lot of interest. Some right reasons, some wrong. Yeah. And I would imagine some people are like, okay, I want to see the disaster show up. Yeah. And others were curious about who was going to show up. And then you had fans and supporters. Yeah. So what was that experience like for you? Absolute rollercoaster. I couldn't put it in one word because some days it felt like one thing. Other days it felt like something else.

12:57Running up to it, even though I said, right, I'm going to do it, I was terrified. Like I was going to back out the week before. Yeah. Like I was sat on the phone to my manager and I don't think I can do this. I really felt like I wanted to, but I still had those weak moments where I was just terrified. What was terrifying for you? Being in the spotlight, being exposed, the fear of the people that have tried to set me up so many times, I'm going to draw attention to myself again, I might put myself in danger.

13:33The feeling of like when I'm exposed and I'm in the public eye too much to that extent, someone's going to try and tear me down, it's going to go bad. Okay. Yeah. Okay. reasonable yeah given what's happened in your life yeah so you're there right and for what everyone says you know all the reports but who knows but all the reports is like you were in there handling your business yeah i mean i was in in a lot of moments handling my business some of the things you didn't see though was i had night terrors for the first four days i was waking up out of my sleep and i was having anxiety attacks those parts not everyone knows so it wasn't completely smooth sailing from me at all um but i have a great poker face i really can turn it on and especially when i'm faced with adversity and the last thing i wanted to do was go in there and you know be the hot mess so if anything i'm going to be the biggest soldier there is so as soon as i'm set with a task you know and i'm going in and i'm jumping out of playing i'm going to look like a warrior because that is what i do i might sit and cry under a sleeping bag that's also a part of who I am.

14:45Did you? I mean I did cry in the BT at one point but I definitely had an anxiety attack off camera because I went to the smoking area to do it and even then I didn't want them to know that I was having an anxiety attack so I was trying to bring down my heart rate literally through my nose while I was like okay get the heart rate down, get the heart rate down. So I wanted to leave that day. I was like I can't do this. But it's not what I came here for. Right. I came here to stick it out and do whatever I had to do. And there were lots of amazing moments, really joyful moments, thanks to the people.

15:21It was the people that made those moments so easy. Yeah, they loved you. They loved you. And I loved them and their comedy and their fun, the way they would just uplift you. Very empathetic people really checked in on me. They saw at times I was having a little bit of a struggle. I was also a massive introvert. I am a massive introvert but I was really getting a little bit overwhelmed in there so I was probably the least um around in camp I would go and remove myself and go for walks or go and hide in the dunny I spend 90 % of my time alone the agoraphobia I was telling you off the back of the benzopines and being alone for so long I got super overwhelmed being around so many people um and they could see that and they were really understanding about that you know they had jokes like where she's gone to the airbnb that's it she's just and she'll be back you know and they haven't seen me so you're like what are you doing i'm like bro i've just been staring at a palm tree like i just needed that time away i needed a a minute um and when i came out i think actually the biggest thing for me that took me over the edge was introvert overload explain too much i had pushed myself into doing this and i was ready to overcome all the fears and being in the spotlight but being watched consistently so many hours a day nowhere to hide nowhere to run feeling so exposed everyone can see me and also this underlying fear probably irrational of being watched yes by millions but being watched from the mamood thing feeling under under surveillance it has it's like a subconscious thing in there i don't like being watched which they say don't go on there then because you know what you're getting into but part of this was no i'm going to go on and i'm going to face all these crazy ass irrational fears right right like that was part of the plan like i know i was going to go on there I feel super uncomfortable I was terrified but I wanted to push myself through that uncomfort so I could come out and feel over it yes and in many ways I do I'm like I did it you did I did it but when I came out I began to cry when I had my first moment to myself and the first thing I did when I spoke to the team they were like what's what's wrong and I said please don't put me back on camera i need to be off now too much i push myself to i'm i'm really proud of myself but i push myself too far too soon i need to go home and they allowed you yeah to to go they've been really good really good with me this this makes sense because i think the big question was where's talisa yeah where did she go yeah why did she go yeah but you've just given the answer yeah it's too much it's too much too soon listen i did it i handed it i feel like i did what i signed up for but i came out i processed i was feeling the way i was feeling there's 11 other really happy campers there that are really happy to be there happy to have the holiday and you know do it all with energy with smiles and you have someone that's sat crying in their hotel room in this current age that we live in it's like you want me to be there out of principle when I'm having a breakdown right now I need to go home and process this it's other people are not having the same experience as me they haven't had the same experiences in the past and they're all current people that are doing radios or they're on television.

19:11This is very much the norm for them. This, for me, was a psychological experiment for myself. Right. This is a very important point because you did this primarily for you. Yeah. So the moment that the experiment ends, you now are complete. Yeah. You don't feel like you owe anyone anything. No, exactly that. And I'm not trying to get anything more out of it in terms of, you know, in TV. Exposure, et cetera. Yeah, so I guess in a way I'm blessed to be that person that can say, if my mind isn't feeling healthy after everything that I have been through in this life, I am going to take care of myself.

19:50And right now I am done. Yeah. I'm not going to push myself anymore over any edges. I have been over enough edges in my life. Yes. I need to take care of myself. Yes. I need to protect me because no one else is going to do it.

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