Why Comparing Your Finances Is Keeping You Stuck

0:00The turning point isn't having more money, it's choosing to focus on your own path. When my client stopped comparing and started working with her numbers, she finally felt peace and power around money. You don't have to keep spinning. Success with money starts when you stop measuring yours against someone else's and start getting support for what you need. Welcome to the Wealthy After 40 podcast, the show for Gen X women and couples who are ready to ditch financial stress and feel confident about retirement. I'm your host, Dalene Higgins, financial and retirement coach, helping Gen Xers master their money and create a personalized retirement plan so they can stop spinning their wheels and step boldly into their dream retirement.

0:53If you're feeling behind, don't worry. Continue listening to this podcast, as well as be sure to grab your free guide, 5 Must Do Steps to Start Retirement Planning Now at elevatefinances.us backslash must do. And remember, let's make retirement possible together. there. Welcome to today's episode. I'm excited to share with you how my client found comfort in her finances. She came to me feeling so unsettled. And as we worked, she finally found comfort and movement, momentum moving forward. She was comparing why she couldn't do and why she couldn't find success because she was comparing herself to others.

1:46And she had a list. She had a list of why she couldn't be like so-and-so because of this and why she couldn't be like this other person because of this. Their life was better or their money situation was easier, but she was so stuck in comparison mode that she was not able to make any forward movement with her finances. Now, this was a very smart individual running her own business and doing very well. Yes, if you listened to the last episode, a lot of clients that come to work with me are very successful entrepreneurs. And for whatever reason, they can't quite make something click to find success with their personal finances.

2:43One of the reasons why so many successful women are stuck, stuck with their own personal finances, is because they are silently comparing their behind the scenes was someone else's highlight reel. And we need to remember that when we look at somebody, no matter how close they are to us, we are only getting their highlights. We don't know the actuality. And honestly, it does not matter. So my client, like many, was running a successful business. But when it came to her own personal finances, she felt like she was failing. Now she had had life events that had happened that had created her own storm.

3:39She felt very chaotic when she came to me. So, you know, we kind of termed it as this storm that she had built. But really, as we got looking, it was just survival mode. Things happen in our lives so differently from others, and we have to make choices. We have to make those choices and live within our storm that hopefully we can calm down over time. And of course, we feel bad when things happen and we wished we could be like somebody else's. And this was where she was stuck. Well, if I was like so-and-so, then I wouldn't have had this or I wouldn't have to worry about this. And so instead of feeling accomplished, she was consumed by what others had, knowing about their retirement accounts, knowing about their debt-free status, watching them take some fancy vacations, all of this kept her frozen.

4:46And honestly, it made her feel like her progress didn't matter. And she also didn't know where to start. But the comparison blinded her from her progress. So when you're busy measuring your money against someone else's, you lose sight of the only numbers that matter. And those numbers are yours. So whether you have a storm brewing or whatever it is, those are yours. And you don't need to be stuck in comparison mode. My client didn't need more hustle. She honestly just needed permission to let go of everyone else's journey and start honoring her own. How did I help her do this? The very first thing we did was we, number one, we got her numbers, but I helped her to see the progress she had made.

5:51I helped her understand her situation and why she was there, thinking back through all of the choices she made. I helped her own her own situation. She would look at others and measure compared to them instead of measuring her progress from where she had been. Once she stopped looking around for that verification from others, that's what we're trying to do. Well, if I'm like them, or if I'm like them, then it'll be okay. but we need to stop trying to mimic what others are doing. As my client did this, she was able to dig her heels into her own situation. And like I said, she found comfort there.

6:41She found progress there. What we did was focus on her numbers, her vision, and her goals. And we evaluated her current numbers and compared them to her six months ago. This is the correct comparison. Where were you six months ago? Hopefully you're moving ahead. Hopefully you can chalk up some ideas for progress. And once the noise of comparison was quieted, she could take action. And her first little steps of action created momentum. She also realized that the skills she used in business could be brought into her personal finances. But first and foremost, she had to stop seeing herself as behind.

7:37Our journey, it's not a race. And there isn't a clock ticking down. You need to be striving for your own success. and my client was able to learn this and discover this and found comfort in working through her situation. It didn't miraculously change overnight, but because she quit comparing herself to others that it didn't matter, she was able to then compare for herself. How can you begin to find progress for yourself. If you feel similar to my client, and maybe you're stuck in comparison, maybe you do it occasionally, I'm going to give you two steps to kind of reverse that and help you find your own progress, your own success.

8:32I think evaluating that is a way to then get us moving forward. Step one, I want you to find if you are caught in the comparison trap. Are you focusing on someone else's outcome, what it appears their highlight reel, instead of your own progress, your own success? And like I said, you might be feeling like my client and it might like a storm, but in what ways have you quieted that down? Bring the focus back to your numbers, your timeline, and your values. Look at where you are today, whether that's your savings amount, how much debt you owe, how much you're earning. There's lots of different ways to look at it.

9:23I want you to go to six months ago. What did that look like? A current client I have, so separate from the one I'm talking about, I had her do this and reflect six months ago as well. And she realized the changes and the progress she had made. Reflecting back and comparing our now with our six months ago is what we want to do. We can see we're making changes, But we feel stuck and we don't feel successful because we're trying to achieve one thing and the one thing has not happened yet. We've got to remember there are little progress milestones, steps that are growing, things that are better, even though ideally you want one thing to happen overall.

10:15And that is why you keep getting stuck. And then instead of comparing your six months ago, you're comparing somebody else's situation. They don't have the same life events. They don't have the same anything. So you've got to stop doing that. Once you realize if you're caught in the comparison trap, and hopefully then move to your comparison, and you've reflected back to six months ago, what is your next best financial move based on your current season? What can you do to make a change for the next six months? When six months, when you're looking back and comparing to yourself, what is it you hope to have done?

11:04These small shifts can be setting up a savings bucket for one thing. Maybe you want to make sure income is greater than expenses. One aligned action with where you're at and where you want to go. And you don't need to wait until you feel ready. Just find something that you're trying to do and do that small step today. if you are stuck and like I am not even sure, be sure to book your free call. Let's chat about it. Let's see what I can help you with. You don't have to do it alone. My client didn't and that's what helped her finally move forward. She was able to then have complete control of all of the things she was trying to do and understand how to measure her own progress, how to find these aligned actions, how to keep track of them and make sure that they are still moving her forward.

12:09If you're stuck in that comparison mode and you're unable to move forward on your own, you're not alone. I have several clients that have come to me with similar situations and you just maybe need to have somebody else look at it with you, help you determine what those aligned steps are. And your first step is a financial reality checkup inside the Retirement Roadmap session. Let me help you see what your real situation is and the exact steps you can take to begin moving forward. Just like my client, we created those aligned steps. She was able to do it and had the support, and we kept measuring from paycheck to paycheck, from month to month, so that she could see her growth.

13:03Now, if that feels like a big leap, you're not ready to jump into a session, I would love for you to sign up for my Make Retirement Possible Masterclass to help you go from unsure and behind to aligned and ready in just three days. Visit elevatefinances.us backslash masterclass to learn more. And I'll be sharing more about what we're going to be doing inside and how that reflects of how I help clients just like today's episode. Be sure to tune into future episodes to learn more about this masterclass. But I would love to have you join and learn how to take steps on your own. I thank you for listening to today's episode.

13:50and be sure to join me in the next one.

13:55Thank you for spending this time with me. If you're not already following the show, be sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And I'd love to stay connected with you between episodes. So come join me inside my Facebook community, Retirement Ready Hub for Gen Xers. It's where we're having real conversations about money, sharing wins, working through challenges and building a clear path toward retirement. and remember retirement isn't just a dream it's a plan and you get to make it possible