You Make Good Money, So Why Do You Feel So Out of Control?

0:05Welcome to the Wealthy After 40 podcast, the show for Gen X women and couples who are ready to ditch financial stress and feel confident about retirement. I'm your host, Dailene Higgins, a money coach and retirement strategist to help you gain clarity and confidence with your money by creating a spending plan that aligns with your financial goals and dreams so you can spend intentionally, save consistently, and feel at peace about your future. Join me every week to understand your money, simplify your decisions, and take intentional steps toward the life you want.

0:49Okay, so you might be thinking, I make good money, but why do I feel like I am overspending or man, I just spend so much and you feel out of control with your money, even though there's no appearances of struggle, right? When you check your bank account, you've got money, even right up to payday, no worries. If you use your credit card, you have the money to pay it off, regardless of the balance jumping around. bills are paid, you're making contributions to retirement. So really, you're not in crisis, right? Like somebody else might have a stated pointed, I have way too much debt, or I can't make my bills, right?

1:40It's a different problem. Even as you're checking this, you have this feeling of why does it feel like I'm spending too much? I don't, if I could just get my spending under control, I would feel better. That's what I heard from a client I worked with. And I've heard it from several others. And I know last episode, we talked about spending, overspending with Spending Coach, and that looks different than what this is stating, right? Or than other problems that over quote overspending might lead us to. But if you think about, are you thinking when you swipe your card? Are you looking at the balance?

2:31How much did it truly cost? Oh, that Amazon package or the other package? Oh, I had to have those. Oh, did I really have to have those? You're saying yes to things with the girls, with friends, with whoever. You're like, yeah, we want to go do that. Yep, let's go do that. Without maybe checking your numbers, checking your situation, having those things balance the feeling. And there's a slight tension every time you log into whether you're looking at your credit card, or your bank, and you're like, Oh, is it still going to be okay? Because you have that little bit of worry, that little bit of I am overspending, oh, this is going to cause a problem someday.

3:19Right? So you have that little bit of anxiety. Every time you go to check, You're waiting for the flashing problem, right? You think if I just could figure out what it is, if I could just see what the problem was of why I feel this way. And you may have tried these things or you might be thinking these things that you need a better budget or maybe you need a budget. Maybe you haven't. You're like, that's what I need to do. Or the real common one. I hear this very often in all situations. I just need more discipline. Or you might just be telling yourself, I just need to stop spending so much. I just won't spend so much next time.

4:03Or I should have more control. I've never had control of my spending. It's common to just kind of like make this be like, this is the problem. This is why. And it's me. You're thinking, well, it's me. It's I should be in more control. I need more discipline. I need a better budget. So if I could just tighten things up, that's going to help me feel better. That is the solution. And like I said, this is really common. This is a common problem, common struggle that I hear from women and couples in their 40s and 50s, right? We're in our careers. We're making good money. We have done this journey for a while.

4:50and still not quite feeling like everything's in alignment. And honestly, you're not irresponsible and you're not bad with money. Because it is so easy to say, well, it's me. I make really good money, so it's me. I should be able to live off of this and this should make me feel good. That's really a common thing. if I just had this or if I just had that. But honestly, you can be financially stable, which is what I just described, and still feel financially unsettled. My client that I worked with, she had a nest egg, right? She'd worked a really high paying job for a good 10 years, saved a nest egg so she could pivot to still a well paying job, but a lower overpaying job and a different career.

5:47She just was, that's what she wanted to do. And when she came to me, she said, I just feel like I'm overspending and I need you to tell me if that's true. If you've been here long enough, that's not what I will do. But just the amount of intellectual she had, and all of my clients are very intelligent, very much professionals. they've held amazing jobs, but they have this little worry, and especially her, of, I am spending too much. I shouldn't be spending this much. I've got to get a control, even though my financial advisor said I'm okay. Oh, okay. So see, even getting an outside opinion still wasn't quite solving that feeling that she was having.

6:39So on paper, right, quote paper, looking at your bank accounts, paying off your credit card, not carrying over balances, you're good, right? You're good. Everything checks off. If anybody were to look at it that way, they'd go, yep, you're good. But why doesn't it feel that way? Why doesn't it feel good when I have to spend that much at the grocery store? Why doesn't it feel good when I choose to go with my friends? So if you think about that, you're still frustrated, you're still not feeling good. Are you avoiding looking at your numbers too closely? Getting in there and seeing those. Are you second guessing every single purchase?

7:29Like I just said, the grocery store, we have to eat. And yes, there's variances that we can do at the grocery store, but honestly, you shouldn't be questioning your grocery store purchases, especially when you've got kids and you're trying to feed them well, keep them happy. And do you feel guilt after every time you spend putting fuel in your car, getting gas, or I mean groceries, as well as buying that piece of clothing because you needed it for work or whatever it might be. You feel guilty after most times that you spend money. And it may not be in the moment, right? It might be a delayed, oh, I just doesn't feel good.

8:14And honestly, I don't believe you're trusting yourself. That was really big for my client. She had a lot that she was taking on her plate. And she was trying to raise her two children, do position into this new career, learn it. Very intelligent, yeah. But trying to, she wasn't trusting herself with the money. She wasn't trusting what the ideas that people had already told her. Okay? If this is you, are you thinking, if I feel like this, right, age 40, age 50, what does retirement look like? What does 10 years down the road look like? Will I ever not feel guilty? Will I ever not feel like I can just spend my money and be okay with it?

9:06A little heart to heart here. You're making decisions from uncertainty, right? You're not being irresponsible. It's just a place of uncertainty instead of clarity, right? Yes, we have to have these things, but if we're not dialing in, looking at them in a different way or slowing down, we can just be making these purchases and that's not feeling good. That's not rooting those purchases into something we already know. So as you think about your situation, if this is you and not every listener is going to feel that way, you might feel slightly this way. And I think everybody might have a little bit.

9:51But I want you to think about a deeper issue, that it might not actually be overspending. When we see a big number and we just pay it off and we think, that's a lot. I don't know what it is. I'm sure I'm overspending. That's pretty lacking in clarity because, I mean, I have some pretty big numbers, but I do have some pretty big expenses and requirements, right? So it might not actually be overspending. It could be that you don't have a clear system showing you what's okay to spend or showing you what you're spending on the regular. I think this is hard because there is seasonal spending. There are seasonal demands on our money.

10:43And having that makes it even more difficult to have that clarity around spending. Because if you are somebody that's putting in a garden right now, you're spending a lot of money, right? It's a lot of extra. And thinking about all of those different things, you're not spending that in November, December. However, you are spending on holidays. If you don't have a clear system showing you, It's okay to be spending that much on that thing. You're not going to have the peace about, I can spend on this. You don't fully trust your numbers. And honestly, if you're doing this without having a vision of what your money is supposed to be doing, I find that, and this might be even the younger ones, but a lot of people are like, I just don't know what I want my money to be doing?

11:39Or they haven't clicked that in, right? We know we have to pay bills. We know we have to eat and put fuel in our car. But other things on top of that, is that what we want? I always talk about, are we just building a life of bills? Or are we creating the way we're spending our money for pure enjoyment, right? So any of those issues can make it feel like it's a spending problem. When somebody comes to me, and like I said, with all the clients I've had come to me, and those who have said, I am overspending, I need your help, one, one was a true overspender. So if you listened to last week's episode, I'm grateful I have Marianne in my wheelhouse.

12:37If you are like that one, I can now refer you to her to help you get that problem solved because the spending problem might not be the real issue. What if it isn't about you getting more disciplined? I just got to be better. I just Just got to, what if the problem isn't that you are doing something wrong? We think we make good money. We should be able to have what we want. And that is true. I agree. But then you find yourself in this situation of I'm overspending. I'm overspending. What if the problem isn't that you're doing something wrong? What if it isn't about you being bad with money? What if it isn't you not having a budget?

13:33Because that might be true as well. Because if it was just about discipline or just about being more restrictive, wouldn't you have fixed it by now? Wouldn't those efforts that you put forward actually started to see something happen? So you, if you're feeling this way, it isn't because you lack control and it isn't because you're careless. It is because you've never been shown a system that works for you, that supports those spending needs or spending wants, right? You're trying to create clarity without a clear structure. That was my client. She's like, I looked at all of my transactions and I thought, what the heck am I supposed to take from this?

14:29I need your help. That's a lot of money. Okay, it can be a lot of money. Things are expensive. We have money to spend. We should be spending it. So you're stuck in there trying to create sense, make sense without that clear structure. There is a way to feel in control without restricting everything. And I love when clients come to me or on a call and I've already cut and I don't want to cut more. And honestly, that's not where I start. And there is a way for you to know what you can spend without any guilt or shame. There is a way for you to trust every expense that you have. Every time you say yes, you can trust it.

15:23You can lose that shame or guilt. And honestly, it has a lot less to do with cutting back. Again, that's not my philosophy. That's not where we start. And a lot more to do with how your money is organized. So in the next episode, I'm going to help you understand more what's actually going on here. So if you're like, yeah, this is me, or it's kind of me, or if you're like, oh, I hadn't thought of that way. I hope you'll join me next week. We're going to go and look at why this keeps happening, what's going to work, and I'm going to help you see what the solution is. If you are struggling and not necessarily financially on paper, but you don't feel good about it, there's something off, would you let me know what that off is?

16:23What is your true challenge? What are the issues you're having? And there's one of two ways you can do this. You can click down in the show notes. There's a fan mail link. It's a way to send me a message. I cannot respond to that one, but you can leave it anonymous. That's what's one good thing about that one. And just say, this is my challenge. This is my problem, or this is how I'm feeling. Or you can head over to Instagram and send me a DM over there. I can respond back. So if you're wanting a response back, head over there for that one. But I hope that if you're feeling even slightly this way, just know you're not broken or behind.

17:10And next week, I'm going to help you find a solution. Thanks for tuning in. I hope today's episode helped you feel a little clearer and more confident about your money and reminded you that progress doesn't have to feel overwhelming. If this episode was helpful, I'd love it if you followed the show, left a quick review, or shared it with another Gen Xer who could use this kind of support. And if you're ready to stop guessing and want clarity around what to focus on next, I invite you to book a free financial clarity call at elevatefinances.us backslash clarity. And remember, retirement isn't just a dream, it's a plan.

17:48Let's make it possible together.