In short
Five summer conversations for parents to have with kids: (1) digital life/screen limits and manipulation, plus scam safety; (2) respect, consent, and boundaries (including “no stops the game” and what to do when boundaries aren’t honored); (3) kindness and inclusion (talking about race, differences, sexuality, death; using play/TV moments); (4) naming emotions and prioritizing mental health (modeling feelings without “getting on the roller coaster”); (5) mistakes/challenges and recovery via growth mindset (belief you can improve, tailored to each child’s starting point).
Guests
Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson (hosts; parenting podcast “What Fresh How? Laughing in the Face of Motherhood”).
Key claims + examples
phone limits (e.g., put phone away/in another room); scams via Instagram money requests and spoofed health portals; “anything you put online” pictured in a principal’s office; “no stops the game” and walking away; fawn response/grooming and telling someone when someone says “don’t tell”; inclusion through dolls/TV casting; emotion examples like disappointment after a failed midterm; growth mindset examples using mustard/food challenges and trying new activities.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOConversations to Have with Kids
0:01 to 0:21
Discussion on the important conversations parents should have with their children during the summer.
“That's why customers have enjoyed Progressive's Name Your Price tool for years now.”
Conversations to Have with Kids
0:46 to 1:12
Discussion on the important conversations parents should have with their children during the summer.
“A podcast that solves today's parenting dilemmas.”
Online Communication and Scams
1:13 to 3:16
Hosts share experiences with online scams and the importance of educating kids about digital safety.
“Amy, apparently there's a conversation you need to have with me about the way I pronounce things.”
Screen Time Guidelines
3:17 to 5:28
Advice on setting limits for screen use and discussing the impact of social media on kids.
“I recently had an experience where one of my kids had someone reach out on social media and say, I'm a kid from your class and I'm stuck somewhere without my wallet.”
Respect, Consent, and Boundaries
5:29 to 10:29
A deep dive into teaching kids about respect, consent, and boundaries in various contexts.
“Are we talking about guidelines for screen use?”
Navigating Difficult Situations
10:30 to 14:00
Discussion on handling challenging social situations and reinforcing the importance of personal boundaries.
“This is a conversation that I think is, I think all these conversations are a thousand conversations.”
Discussing Consent and Safety with Kids
14:00 to 16:30
Learn how to have conversations about safety and peer pressure with your children.
“That's a very natural instinct, possibly more so for women.”
Discussing Consent and Safety with Kids
17:43 to 19:10
Learn how to have conversations about safety and peer pressure with your children.
“Now available in Canada and the UK, too.”
Modeling Emotional Awareness
19:21 to 28:01
Understand the importance of naming emotions and teaching kids emotional health.
“I wanted to say something about the fawn response and in particular grooming.”
The Importance of Inclusion Conversations
28:01 to 30:44
Learn why discussing inclusion and difficult topics with kids is crucial.
“But you can't lie down in the middle of the ice cream store and kick anyone who walks by.”
Show all 13 chapters
Six Types of Moms Explaining the Birds and the Bees
31:35 to 37:09
Explore different parenting styles in discussing sensitive topics with kids.
“I'm sure you've heard lots of things at school, but we're just going to talk it out, okay?”
Talking About Values and Challenges
37:09 to 42:03
Understand how to communicate family values and address challenges with children.
“people in seventh grade who aren't popular because it brings you down socially.”
Discussing Growth Mindset with Kids
42:03 to 44:42
Learn how to engage your kids in conversations about challenges and growth mindset.
“And like, where are we and talking about it?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why customers have enjoyed Progressive's Name Your Price tool for years now. With the Name Your Price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So whether you're picking out your first policy or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options. Visit Progressive.com. Find a rate that works for you with the Name Your Price tool.
0:25Amy Wilson:Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. You don't ever want to get on the roller coaster car with them. What fresh hell. Laughing in the face of motherhood. You're going to be staying in random hotels, you know, for the next three years. With Margaret Ables. And Amy Wilson. In this family, we laugh and love and, you know, love people. A podcast that solves today's parenting dilemmas. So you don't have to. The kid that is too young to explain. It's disappointment mostly, but it's also a sense of loss.
1:02Amy Wilson:Hello, everyone, and welcome to What Fresh How? Laughing in the Face of Motherhood. This is Margaret. And this is Amy. Today, we're talking about the conversations you need to have with your kids this summer. Amy, apparently there's a conversation you need to have with me about the way I pronounce things. I come to you from our Facebook group. And I will say, sometimes people say things about me on the internet that are not nice, such as why do you have such a big forehead? You know, those kind of critiques, not helpful. But then this one was in the Facebook group and it's, it's not nice. I felt strongly this came from a place of love and I'm accepting it from that place.
1:37Amy Wilson:Kat says on the What Fresh Health Facebook group, I'm mostly a new listener. So forgive me if this has already been discussed, but I weirdly love how Margaret pronounces also. It's almost like it's an also and i find it so endearing can you tell me the i guess also doesn't have an an l at the end of it no people are arguing say it like also you just said it you just how she pronounces also it's as well as like it's pronounced also yeah also you've been doing it for for uh also for 10 years i mean i could do it the other way but it's also yeah i don't know i never realized i said that word with an l on the end of it but now that i hear it, it is exactly how I say that word.
2:18Amy Wilson:We get a shout out from Kate. I love both of their voices. They were meant to be podcasters. That's nice. But then, uh-oh, it comes around. Nikki says, ha-ha, totally agree. I giggle every time she says it. Leslie says, this has never been discussed, so I'm glad you brought it up. And then Sarah chimes in, add to this, hello, everyone. Everyone? everyone hello everyone everyone okay everyone i don't know now sometimes people point things out i can't unhear it i was just talking to somebody i live near a town that is spelled new and then the second word is r-o-c-h-e-l-l how do you say that town new rochelle yeah the correct pronunciation is no rochelle no rochelle uh-huh and um someone's like what words are you even saying i'm like i'm saying no, Rogel.
3:06Amy Wilson:But anyway, that's how I pronounce things. And I'm glad you like it because I'm too old to change my ways. I'm very glad we had this conversation. But we're going to move on to talk about conversations you should have with your kids. I recently had an experience where one of my kids had someone reach out on social media and say, I'm a kid from your class and I'm stuck somewhere without my wallet. I need you to send me money. It was on, I believe, Instagram. So when this scam came in, when this email came in, the kid immediately was like, happy to help. Let me send you money. Try to send money.
3:41Amy Wilson:And because of the way we have our card set up, got denied because they're not allowed to, I don't know what their limit is, but let's say they're not allowed to send more than$50 to someone. Thankfully, it got caught. And when I looked back at it, I thought I could definitely see it's the person's profile. It's their picture. And it led to a whole conversation about scams. I recently, this is a crazy one, went to log on to my health portal, typed in my health portal's name, got sent to like a fake website with a phone number and called it. And then they were suddenly asking for all this information.
4:18Amy Wilson:And I was like, wait a minute. And it actually, that time it did turn out, it was totally fine. But people can spoof all of these things. It gets very confusing very quickly who you're talking to online. Let me tell you, I feel like it's such a PSA to tell this. This is an elder scam, but it really could happen to any of us. A friend of mine, their parent lost a huge chunk of their savings this way. The first person called and said something like, you need to send money to this, like a clearly scammy thing. And their mom was like, oh, I caught you. Clearly, that was fake. And then there's a second call where somebody says, did somebody just call you and pretend to be?
4:53Yes, they did. Like, oh, thank God, I'm calling from your bank. We're going to fix this, right? I'm here to help. And that person's a scam. Now give me all your information. And it was all one big scam. So I think it's crucial to talk to our kids about these things and sort of model like here's when I knew it was a mistake or here's when I started to wonder if it was real.
5:11Amy Wilson:Yeah, I was very worried about Instagram for like, don't send inappropriate pictures, don't get involved in bullying, don't, you know, hook your self esteem to putting a few pictures of yourself. And this one kind of caught me by surprise. So let's start with digital life, media and technology. We're going to talk about this summer. Okay. All right. Are we talking about guidelines for screen use? I think that's a great place to start this summer. And I'm thinking about it. I want to say all of these conversations are ages and stages, but some kids are out of school already. Our kids are not yet out of school.
5:44Amy Wilson:It's a great idea to have an early in the summer conversation where we're saying, let's limit ourselves to, I don't care if it's five hours a day on screens. Because by the time you watch a movie, and you hang out on social media a little bit, and then you watch TikTok for an hour, like, five hours is like that, you know? And so I would probably start pretty broad, and then see how we're doing and see if we need to adjust it in either direction. You know, something that's really, really useful here is to come at it from the point of view of, can you believe how these, not just these scammers, but these social media apps try to trick you, that there's the algorithm that makes you stay on.
6:23You can appeal to at least your tweens, if not your teens, their idea of they're trying to make you think that you need to keep going, but you don't, and make them aware of how they're being manipulated by their devices and their apps. It makes them more likely to want to put limits around it. I just saw Angela Duckworth, who wrote the book Grit. I just saw a clip of her doing a graduation speech, and she talked about, and I thought this is the perfect example of this, she was telling these college graduates that they needed to put their phones away when they were working, like not just put them on the desk next to them, but put them in another room, put them in a bag, because studies show that when you have the phone next to you while you're trying to do your math homework or whatever, you're making these constant small decisions to exercise your willpower and not check your phone, which are taxing you.
7:12They're taxing your cognitive abilities. People do better on tests if their phone is down the hall or put away. And teaching kids that your phone is going to call to you. So you're going to want to overcome that by being like, not today, phone, I'm going to put you across the room.
7:24Amy Wilson:I think the first conversation that we're going to have this summer is what are our limitations around phones? How many hours a day are we expecting to use them? And where are they when we're not using them somewhere away from us? I like that. And then one of the things I've been thinking a lot about is like things I don't say out loud. And one of them is whenever anyone asks you for money online, come to really dad. I don't I mean, I would fall for scams to and show that to one of us before you because maybe it's a friend who's doing a fundraiser for dogs. That's great. Give your$10. Great. But whenever anyone asks you for money or information about yourself online, you have to check that with us.
8:03These scammers activate your sense of emergency, whether it's you or my friend's mom or your kid, right? And so you're caught up in the emergency. There's a puppy that's in danger, right? And so I think it's a good idea for any of us when we're like, should I do this to always, always go talk to anybody? I'll call you, I'll talk to my husband, I'll call my brother, anything before I give a bunch of money to something that even might be suspect. Because just that little bit of separation between that person didn't get the panicked text from somebody who sounds like their friend, and they're able to see it accurately in a way that you aren't in the moment.
8:33Exactly.
8:34Amy Wilson:Then we have the don't do online categories. And this used to be a lot of like, for me. Like, don't this, don't bully people. Don't send naked pictures of yourself. Don't this, don't that. Oh God, online. This is the phrase that pays in my household. Are you ready? Yeah, sure. Anything you put online, I want you to picture me sitting in your principal's office while she shows it to me or reads it out loud. That covers a lot of ground. And I feel like it's very useful. Because if you say it in a text message, if you put it on Instagram, if you write it in an email. Can you picture me sitting in your principal's office while she reads it out loud or shows it to me?
9:12Amy Wilson:That's a really good catch all for what not to put online. Yeah. Again, for all of us, right? I think we've all become more like, do I really need to like put my take on this new act being considered by Congress? Does the world need to hear this? And does this come back to haunt you in a job interview three years later? Like, I think It's something for all of us to think about and certainly for kids. And I also think it's time to start talking about AI. I think we may have to do a whole episode on this. But let's chat GPT feedback loops, the way that you can now talk to your phone as if it's an actual person is becoming hugely problematic for a lot of people.
9:48Amy Wilson:We'll do a whole episode about it. But like read a little bit about chat GPT, about chat bots, about how people are interacting with them and why it's problematic, because I think it's fascinating. But it's not something I've ever talked to my kids about. And I was like, hmm, I want to talk to my kids about that. Yeah. And they know. I mean, maybe not your six-year-old, but your 12-year-old, they know what Touchy PT is and OpenAI and they're using it more than we do. I'm going to share in the show notes a bunch of episodes that we've done about online. Do we share too much about our kids online?
10:17Amy Wilson:Our experience doing a screen-free week, which we really enjoyed. And two episodes about gaming and talking to experts about gaming. So hopefully those will help have those conversations. Amy, let's talk a little bit about respect, consent, and boundaries. This is a conversation that I think is, I think all these conversations are a thousand conversations. None of these are like, we're going to sit down and talk about sex and be done with it. These are things that happen a lot. But especially as I start to send a teenager, female teenager out into the world, for both sides, I have boys and a girl.
10:52Amy Wilson:I think a great place to start this is, again, ages and stages. No means no. starting at the playground. You don't touch people who don't want to be touched. And you can say no, if someone's playing in a way that you don't like. No stops the game. So in our house, and believe me, when you have a bunch of kids, no, don't. Okay, I heard no, stop doing it. You will hear from the participant. Oh, no, no, no. I was just saying no, I like it. Well, no stops the game. So from both sides, no stops the game. That's a great way to start. We respect no. We don't make a judgment about whether or not no is real or not real.
11:29Amy Wilson:And we can even acknowledge that sometimes no is real and not real, but no stops the game. And so that's where we're starting to talk. I don't think your three-year-old is ready to have a conversation about sexual consent, but I do think all kids are constantly learning. Kids on the spectrum struggle with this more. You're way too close to that person's face. You're pushing that person in a way that is inappropriate, even though you have no intent towards inappropriateness. We deal with behavior, not intent, because no means no, and other people can tell you no. And whether or not you intended it to be hurtful, I don't care.
12:07The other side of this is having your no, when your no isn't honored or respected, what do you do next? Because that's a tough one. When really tough, your kid is playing at the park in the sandbox with some other bratty kid and your kid's telling them no and using their voice and using their body to do whatever Bluey said they were supposed to do. And the other kid is still hitting them over the head with the plastic shovel, right? And the other parents doing nothing or not even watching. And those are tough moments, too, to teach your kid how to set the boundary and keep a boundary. And then what happens, right?
12:38That you don't have to go along with something you don't like because your no isn't being acknowledged.
12:42Amy Wilson:I think it's super important. I think we can also model that it's okay to just leave. It's okay to slink away, walk away. Like you don't always have to find a huge reserve of inner strength. You have told a story on the podcast, right? About being sitting next to someone on a train who exposed themselves to you. Yeah. And he pretty clearly, yeah. And going back, like I, like he wanted to sit next to me, even though there were plenty of other empty seats on the train and I clocked that, but I'm a nice girl. I mean, I'm talking like I'm 19 or 20. Sure. And so I moved my bags. He could sit down even though there are plenty of seats.
13:15And then And I look over and he's, yeah, he's doing what he's doing. And I horrified. I mean, I got up and I got off the axe. The good news is I got up and immediately got out of the situation. And then like went to another train car where the conductor scolded me for having moved because my ticket was back at the old seat. And I think I just kind of froze a little bit, but I wasn't now if it happened to me now and it wouldn't happen to me now because I'm sure I give off the vibes of like, oh, I'm going to read you up and down. Yeah, yeah. But he went after somebody who seemed like she was intimidated and vulnerable.
13:47Amy Wilson:They call that the fawn reflex, fight, flight, or fawn. So fight would mean you punch the guy in the face. You chose flight, which is getting away from him. Fawn is a third reaction, which is like you would sit very quietly, pretend it wasn't happening. That's a very natural instinct, possibly more so for women. Talking about that fawn, that's a reflex. It is something that your body is telling you to do for safety. So I think it's very important to say like I have been in situations. I was in a situation where I fell asleep on a train. I guess all the pervs are running around on trains. I fell asleep on a train.
14:26Amy Wilson:I woke up to the guy next to me like touching my leg, but I was kind of waking up from sleep and I wasn't really sure it had happened, but I knew it had happened. Right. But then it's like, well, I don't want to make a scene. like really having those conversations with boys and girls that like, because I think with boys, it happens more like if you're really a man, you'll drink this whole fifth of vodka, you know, or if you're really a man, you'll jump off this cliff, even though you every inch of your body is telling you it's not safe that like why it's hard to say no, what makes it challenging, practice the options.
15:02Amy Wilson:And I want to say about all these conversations, they can happen while you're watching something on TV, while you're reading a book, while you're driving in the car, and you think, oh, it was so fun to watch you off the dock. I had an experience once where these people were goading me to jump off of something. And even though I knew it wasn't safe, it was hard for me to say no. These are not conversations. We're not suggesting that you're like this summer, corner your five-year-old and talk about consent for three hours. It's not going to work. But these are conversations to keep in mind and where they come up.
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19:15That's code hell at heypolo.com slash hell. I wanted to say something about the fawn response and in particular grooming. Grooming is gradual. It elicits the fawn response because it's like, was he touching my leg? Maybe I imagined it because that would be definitely weird if he did, but maybe he didn't mean to. Right. It gets extremely. People do it on purpose. Gradual. Right. And I think something we can teach our kids, it's very comfortable and cut and dried is this whole idea of like, if anybody is saying to you, nobody can know about this, or this is just you and me, you must tell somebody that it's definitely a bad idea.
19:51Just like scamming. So many of these scams, including my friend's mom, they somehow loop in like you can't tell your spouse or your kids because then they will be in danger, right? We're going to move all of your money to this unmarked treasury account, but you can't tell anybody. And you're so far in at this point that you just go along with that part too. But it is, it's the clearest tell that something shouldn't be happening that is happening when you're being told that you can't tell anybody what's happening.
20:18Amy Wilson:And I think what came up for me when thinking about these conversations is, well, I don't want to bring up something bad. We're having fun. It's the summertime. Like I don't want to suddenly, and you don't do it that way. But I think that sometimes my instinct is to skip the point where I'm like, do you know, do you actually know that whenever anyone makes you feel physically uncomfortable, it's them, not you, and that you should tell someone. Have I said that in that many words? You know, I think I've said things like, if you ever feel uncomfortable, and this has already happened with my kids, call and say, did you say it's dinner time?
Read the full transcript
20:54Amy Wilson:Oh, yes, it is. I'll come get you like whatever it is like, and these are conversations that hopefully come up, but you may have to go out of your way to make them come up. Have you seen the guy on Instagram? His handle is like Big Texan or something like that. And he does a series of videos you can save to your Instagram and then you put them on speakerphone when you're on in an Uber or whatever. And it's just like, oh, what time you'll be home? Oh, good. I see. Oh, I'm checking your location. And then it sort of puts on the screen what you're supposed to be saying. And it's you can play it out loud in the car whenever you're feeling uncertain, which for our teenagers who were traveling by themselves in Ubers, that's a really good thing to have in their back pocket.
21:31Amy Wilson:And just reinforcing, I trust your instincts, so you trust your instincts. I got your back. We have an episode called Setting Boundaries, which we will also link to, a great refresher on having this conversation. Here's another thing that I think we talk a lot about, but do we always put a fine point on? Naming emotions and prioritizing mental health. So talking to our kids. And I think that for some people, these are easier conversations, and some of these will be harder conversations. I think emotional and mental health, maybe because my mom is a therapist, like we talk a lot about it in my household.
22:08Amy Wilson:But I think it's a useful one to put on because I think sometimes we get stuck with like, how are you feeling? Fine. You know, I have teens and one right now is in that stage. You know, who used to I think have I used to have more open conversations with and we're a little stuck right now with like, nothing, fine. Okay. Like, I don't know that I need to dig deeper than that. But I do know that I want to start a lot of conversations that name emotions. Give an example. I'm not sure I understand what I mean. I agree with it, but I don't know what you mean. I think what you're feeling right now, I know you're acting out.
22:44Amy Wilson:I think you're feeling really disappointed about the fact that you failed the midterm. like trying to help people name the source of what's going on or just you asked that girl out and she said no like how did that make you feel like do you feel angry do you feel embarrassed do you feel too bad so sad I'll get the next one to say yes like what are you feeling in response to what you just told me helping kids put a really fine point on like what's the source I mean there are certainly adults who can't really name their emotional states right or who can name too. I'm angry or I'm not angry instead of I'm disappointed on this, I'm hurt.
23:24So much of this
23:26Amy Wilson:is modeling and modeling and helping the male figure in your house name emotions. This is something that I think maybe boys are more starved for a little bit. I can definitely remember, and I think this was how I was raised and it wasn't harmful in any way, but the idea that my parents had any kind of inner life other than like making me meals and helping me study was completely foreign to me. And I remember once my mom said, Oh, I was so disappointed in myself. I was like, Whoa, wait, what do you mean? You were disappointed. I just my mom was such an icon and a paragon. And I think being a very strong figure who our kids feel safe with and feel like they can cling to is great.
24:12Amy Wilson:But I think that also modeling, like I'm having a really hard time, you know, I'm really scared about what's going on. I often people often say, don't hand your kids stuff that's too heavy for them to hold. But it's okay to show them who you are as a person. Right. And these emotional states, I just really felt hurt and disappointed. That sort of exploration, I think is best done about something that doesn't involve you in the kid. Like when your kid told you, you know, I hate your face, mommy, you know, I really felt like this. Like it's that stuff is sometimes they need to hear it, but that's not going to help.
24:44That's not going to give them the safety to explore their emotional range. But to hear you had this experience, it isn't about them, right? Isn't them doing anything right or wrong. And you're just talking about how at first you felt this way. And then you realize you really felt that way. That isn't like on them.
24:58Amy Wilson:Well, you said early on, on the podcast, and I think about it all the time, They're on the roller coaster. You're on the sidelines. You don't ever want to get on the roller coaster car with them. You're there to give them a hug when they get off or yell to them like, it's okay when they're on it, but you don't ever want to get on the car with them. So I think when you're naming your emotions, you don't want to be like, I'm also terrified. It feels like the world's falling apart. That's getting on the car with them. I think that's not great. But modeling, coping strategies, normalizing, asking for help, naming emotions, like just leaning into these conversations over the summer, see how it goes, you know, see how it feels.
25:39Do you remember, I think it was way back in the pandemic, we were talking about mental health. I don't remember what the term was, but it was a metaphor of say, like, you're in an enclosed space with a snake that you don't know it was dangerous or not, right? And I'm inside looking through a window at you with the snake. And I have a very different point of view on how scary this is, right? And how important this is. And like, the snake is actually pretty small, and it's probably fine. It's your kid is the one with the snake in the room. And that remove, just like the scammer, that's like, I am in jail, and I need$100 right now, like you at that remove, or anybody at that remove from that intense situation provides perspective.
26:19In that case, when you're like, I really felt this way. And then I felt upset. It's almost like your kid is looking through the window at you and thinking, huh, I guess I would feel that way or maybe I wouldn't.
26:26Amy Wilson:I had a therapist once say, like, you're driving the car and it doesn't have a speedometer and it's very hard to tell how fast you're going, but I'm standing still. So I know how fast the car is going past me. Like, it's much easier for me to tell you're in the car. I mean, if you've got a three-year-old, you may not be using these metaphors, but you may be starting to help them name their emotions, to let them see that asking for help is okay. Like you're modeling how you cope with things for a three-year-old, but maybe for a 13, 14-year-old, sometimes you just want me yelling through the window, that is as scary as you think you are, a snake, oh no.
27:01Amy Wilson:But sometimes you want perspective, you know? And I think we can have these actual conversations with our kids. We have an upcoming Fresh Take with Danielle Bettman, who's a positive discipline parenting coach. And the whole technique, it seemed to me, was a lot of helping your kid name their emotion when your kid is, I don't want to go to bed. You know, right? That you're saying like, oh, I understand. You're so frustrated because you love seeing Aunt Kelly, but you need to go to bed. That you're naming the emotion for the kid that is too young to explain. It's disappointment mostly, but it's also a sense of loss.
27:37Like they can't do that. And so they pound. And then I think on the flip side of that,
27:41Amy Wilson:which we talked about on the episode is you're also the guardrails to be like, you can't behave however you want just because of how you feel. This goes back to our respect, consent and boundaries idea. There is a difference between feelings and behavior. You can feel so mad that you dropped your ice cream cone and so disappointed. Yeah. But you can't lie down in the middle of the ice cream store and kick anyone who walks by. We're going to work on the difference between those two things. Yeah, that makes sense. Amy, our next conversation, kindness and inclusion. They're kind of two different ideas, but I'm using them together in this case.
28:19Amy Wilson:We have a lot of episodes about inclusion. Oh, we also have a bunch of emotions and mental health, which we'll link to. We're going to link to these by category so that you can kind of listen to a playlist and get ready to have these conversations. But inclusion, we talked to Dr. Ibram Kendi, who made this point, which I thought was really useful for me. When you don't talk about things with kids, they often assume it's because those things are secret or bad. So if you don't ever talk about race or physical differences or sexuality and differences and different family forms. Or death. Or death.
28:57Amy Wilson:Or all the things you don't. Right. Because you don't talk about things generally because they're like too scary or too heavy. And so we want to be incorporating conversations so that our kids don't get any idea that we are not talking about these things. Therefore, they must be bad things. Right. And also they will create a narrative. They'll create their own narrative and we don't give them an explanation. They will also tend to put themselves at the center of that narrative. Absolutely. Mommy and daddy got divorced because I'm really bad. Right. So I think inclusion is not just like, let's be nice to people with different skin colors, limb differences, and sexualities.
29:37Amy Wilson:It's really about what are we talking about? What are we not talking about? And do we know why? And another thing in this category I'm going to share with you as soon as we get back from this break, Amy. Amy, you know that in our relationship, you have historically been the one to care about skincare. But let me tell you, Osea Skin Care is an award-winning bestseller for a reason. Osea has been delivering results you can see and feel for 30 years. And after several months of using Osea's Dream Bioretinol Body Serum, I myself am a true believer in. I also have the Dream Bioretinol Body Serum right there next to my sink so I can use it at night and right after getting out of the shower.
30:18Like everything Osea makes, it's deeply moisturizing, but also silky and non-greasy, absorbs fast and works fast. I'm really seeing the difference on my chest or, as we say, in the skincare world, on my décolletage.
30:32Amy Wilson:Also, the Dream Bio Retinol Body Serum smells like lavender just the right amount, which puts me in the space I need to go right before my sleepy times. Give your skin a little TLC. Go to oseamalibu.com and get 10 % off your first order with code FRESH. That's O-S-E-A Malibu dot com code FRESH. This Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. Reese, our content agent, wrote the copy based on our best practices, like mentioning Monday.com three times. That was the second. Johnny, our coordination agent, built the timeline and kept everyone aligned. Olivia, our human creative director, stayed in the loop because agents are great, but they don't always know when a joke lands.
31:18She had one note. Tell listeners it only takes minutes to build an agent. So minutes. Create your own AI agent today on Monday.com.
31:28Amy Wilson:And now the six types of moms explaining the birds and the bees from the What Fresh How podcast. The playing it cool mom. Listen, guys, this is no big deal. It's something everyone does. I'm sure you've heard lots of things at school, but we're just going to talk it out, okay? No pressure, no weirdness, just a chat ski with the old momstress. Nice and easy. The, I'm not going to make this awkward, awkward mom. I know this seems really awkward. Oh my God, when my mom talked to me about this stuff, it was so incredibly awkward. I'm not going to make this awkward. The, let's lighten this up, mom.
32:06The old bird and the bees. You know when a bee mates, don't you? When she finds her honey, get it? buzz buzz and flap flap. I mean, could this be any weirder talking to your mom about this stuff? The professorial mom. Gather round, children. I have a PowerPoint presentation that I will begin once everyone is seated. We will begin with the urethral orifice before moving on to the glans majoris. The having trouble getting started mom. So I wanted to talk to you about something. What's the word? It's sensitive, but it's not bad sensitive. In fact, it can be a wonderful thing. I mean, really one of the most wonderful experiences there is.
32:44Okay, wait, where was I? The let's just get this over with mom. Okay, so mom and dad, they love each other very much. Sperm, egg, ba-da-boom, ba-da-bing. Nine months later, hey, look, a baby. And we're out of this. If you have any questions, your father will be home in an hour.
32:59Amy Wilson:This has been six types of moms explaining the birds and the bees from the What Fresh Hell podcast.
33:10Amy Wilson:One of the things we talk a lot about on the podcast is values. Think of the like, home goods, like in this family, we laugh and love and right, and you know, love people. And yeah, we have chalkboard writing that says our value, which I think could be corny. But I also think that saying your values as a family out loud is super useful. And it also is a nice check on whether or not you're living your values. Because if you say like, the most important thing to us is family, that is the most important thing to us. But we have nine kids who are playing four different sports, and we're never together.
33:47Amy Wilson:Maybe that's because it's a busy season. But you are telling your kids something different than what the value you're practicing is. So if you're in a busy season, our value is family. And unfortunately, for this year, we're not going to spend as much time together as we want to because we're doing these sports things or dad needs to be away because he's deployed or mom is working overseas for six months. Our value is family. And this is different than that. And let's discuss that. That's fine. Right. I think I'll give a specific example because I just talked to somebody about this today, a friend of mine who's entering the travel wrestling with their older kid.
34:25Sure. And I was like, good luck. You're going to be staying in random hotels, you know, the next three years on weekends. She said, yes, it blows our weekends. But you know what? My younger daughter, she loves to stay in hotels. She loves that they have a pool. We've just decided we're going to go and we're going to make fun family weekends out of them. So you can either accept this is not something we're going to be able to emphasize right now because this is the season we're in, or you can find a way to turn that season into something that does serve your value if you're aware of what that value even is as you go along.
34:52Amy Wilson:I think it's giving voice to everything. My husband's family talks about they all played a lot of sports growing up, so they made breakfast their family meal because they wanted to have a family meal. So family meal was breakfast and everybody ate breakfast together. And then they went to their various parts and they often went home for dinner. But I think that saying your values out loud or sitting down with your partner or spouse and saying like, what are the five things we value and our actions meeting with these values is super important. And then when it comes to inclusion and kindness for your kids having conversations.
35:29Amy Wilson:Children learn through play at this age. And so it just what comes up in play and what conversations are we having about it? Maybe it is. I love how all these dolls look different and come from different backgrounds, but they play so nicely together, you know? Or maybe you're watching a show. My daughter and I were watching a show that I won't name. And I was like, I think it's very unusual that this is a show that happens in a fantasy realm. and yet there are no people of color in this show at all. Why is it all white people who only live in this place or space? Like, I just think look for opportunities to have any conversations about inclusion.
36:07Amy Wilson:So if you're playing dolls and it's like, hey, one doll comes over, hey, can I play? No, you're ugly. Oh, that hurt my feelings. Like, how are you just playing out any scenario? I tell you what, if you want to impress your teens and tweens with inclusivity versus less, Have them watch any TV show, movie, or music video from when we were their age because they always howl at this, I don't know, Beverly Hills 90210 say, right? Yeah. Like, everybody's white? Like, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it was the 80s and 90s. Yes, everybody was white and everything. Yeah. Yeah. They think it's hilarious. But I think just giving voice to stuff.
36:43Amy Wilson:And I don't care what your values are, your values. And so whatever you feel, it's just, are you giving voice to those values? Are you saying out loud when you talk about people at school, like, are there any kids in your class who don't seem to have any friends? What do you think's going on with them? What do you think that feels like for them? You don't have to solve every world problem and your kid doesn't have to solve every world problem. It's just giving voice to like, well, you know, I think it can be really hard to include people in seventh grade who aren't popular because it brings you down socially.
37:14Amy Wilson:but like what does it feel like for them what are the choices we're making it's really just are we making choices that we understand or not i think sometimes is the heart of this conversation does that make sense it's not so much telling your kids like you have to include every kid and i don't care if they're annoying like let's talk about the choices we're making and why we're making them and do they align with what we think we're trying to do these are conversations that go on through your whole life. And we have plenty of podcast episodes on this topic. Beth Leepholz, we talked to on teaching inclusion.
37:48Amy Wilson:We'll link to Dr. E. Byron Kendi's podcast. And we just released an episode, Can We Be More Inclusive Parents? And we'll link to all of those. Amy, our final conversation, how we make mistakes, how we judge mistakes, and how we recover from mistakes. This is growth mindset. This is back to Angela Duckworth. Yes. It's all things Angela Duckworth today. Growth mindset is that you can get better at things, changing my own. And that change is possible. The opposite is called fixed mindset, which is I think fixed mindset can be a symptom of kids on the spectrum, kids with ADHD. And kids with difficult situations.
38:27Amy Wilson:Kids with ACEs, adverse childhood experiences. Right. And so I don't love the focus on growth mindset because I think that growth mindset can sometimes just mean like a neurotypical kid who hasn't faced a lot of adversity. Fixed mindset happens for a reason, I guess is what I'm saying. But it is better. It isn't better. It's more useful to have a growth mindset when you face a new challenge. You are more likely to meet that challenge going away to college when you're the first kid in your family to go to college. Believing that this is possible and that you have what it takes, even if it will be hard sometimes, that's a growth mindset.
39:03And that kid will be more likely to do well when they get there than if they have a fixed mindset that this probably won't work and I'm not ready and this isn't for me.
39:13Amy Wilson:Moving incrementally from where your kid is, that it's not like, oh, growth mindset, great, fixed mindset, bad. I think some of them are more set and fixed in people's personalities. But I think having conversations, the summertime is a great time to have this conversation, I think, because you're trying a lot of things, right? and maybe I mean I certainly have a kid who I might have to say you have to try one of every six things we do you don't have to try every single one of them you know a kid who like goes to the zoo looks at one animal is like I'm good let's leave very understandable to me I get it but I want you to keep trying things that I put in your path and for certain kids that is tremendously harder than for other kids.
39:58Amy Wilson:Sure. And so just thinking about like, how do we I mean, I'm calling this section mistakes, but I'm thinking of it in a much bigger way, like challenges. How are we meeting challenges? Right. It's easier to meet challenges. It's just easier to meet challenges with the belief that you might have what it takes to overcome them, then this will probably be terrible. And I probably will hate it. Like, it's just easier to go through life with a sense of possibility than a sense of impossibility. That doesn't mean that you're a bad person if you a sense of impossibility or if that wasn't hard earned.
40:27And I still think it's worth walking them towards that.
40:30Amy Wilson:Yes, but I think you have to know your starting point. So like for me, we talked about this in picky eaters a long time ago. I have a kid for whom like an eating challenge is like, do you want to try the escargot? And I have a kid who's eating challenge is, can you be in the same room as someone who has mustard on their food? And like, those are very different starting points, you know? And so I think knowing where your kid is starting is a big part of knowing what a challenge is for them, you know, how they're going to face the challenge. And it's great to challenge kids. But like, if I was like, you have to eat this hot dog with mustard on it, like that kid's not doing it, or they're going to be tortured to do it.
41:08Amy Wilson:But for them, a challenge is like, can you sit in a room where there's an open mustard container? Right? Well, that's where their starting point is. Growth mindset isn't, here's lots of challenges for you to face. It's when you are facing a challenge, like you go to a party and there might be mustard at it at this cookout. And how will you feel that there is something you can do about it besides not go? And I think this is a great place to have conversations. I know I got a couple six-hour car rides coming up. I got a couple of kids who are going to be trying new things this summer. It's thinking about challenges as something to give voice to and knowing what your take is on challenges.
41:44Amy Wilson:And like, I'm very adventurous, and I love a challenge. But like, maybe dad isn't as adventurous. Or like, think of Aunt Gretchen, you know her, she like goes mountain biking and jumps off cliffs, and she's so adventurous. And then I think of, you know, Uncle Bob, who really doesn't like a challenge. And like, where are we and talking about it? And how do different people face challenges? What do you find challenging? Right? How does it make you feel? How do you recover from it? Not everybody likes to go mountain biking. I might hurt myself. No, thanks. No broken collarbone for me, speaking for myself.
42:19But I wouldn't have a problem, oh, I don't know, like walking up to somebody I didn't know and talking to them. So there's different kinds of comfort. And like, everybody's comfortable in some places and less comfortable in other places. And I guess, is growth mindset about giving it a try? Or I think growth mindset might be more about like, and some things will fail and some things won't work out, but that's okay, too. Like the failures built in and you can pick yourself up from stuff.
42:42Amy Wilson:Yeah, I think this is a really good, I mean, these are just five conversations that I was thinking about looking back at some of our previous episodes. And I think they're just five things that you can think about like, hey, let's make sure we talk about these at some point. You got whatever it is, 10 weeks or something. You got a lot of car rides. You got a lot of challenges coming in. You got a lot of like socializing in camps and meeting different people. And so I think it's just worthwhile to think about like, how can I think about having these five conversations at some point over the summer with my kids?
43:19Amy Wilson:And what are the issues that I want to clarify for myself before these conversations happen? Yeah. But please do not corner your kid and be like, Margaret told me it was time to talk to you about growth mindset. That's not quite how these work. We want them as much as possible to come organically or be things that maybe you're pointing out that was really tough at camp today when that kid bullied you. Like, how did it make you feel? What were your emotions? Who did you look for for help? These are the kind of organic conversations we're talking about. No cornering the children. You know what we'll do?
43:53We'll put together Spotify playlists for all these different groups of conversations. Great. We have we've been doing this a little while. We have episodes on all of these topics. But I like the idea of a playlist like, okay, I'm really going to drill down on online safety, say, and we have a collection on that. So we'll make some Spotify playlists for
44:10Amy Wilson:you for easy listening. Check out our show notes, which will link to those. Always check out our show notes. They're chock full of links. Every once in a while, we forget the link someone on our Facebook group is like, where's that bad game you told me about? Don't forget to remind us if We forgot to put something in the show notes, but our producer Erica does such a good job linking to all of the things we talked about. Check those out. Check out the Spotify playlist. And I'm going to spend the summer trying to remember there's no L at the end of also. Growth mindset. Growth mindset, people. We'll talk to you next time.
44:43Amy Wilson:So long.
45:06Amy Wilson:Thank you to Osea for sponsoring the show. Go to oseamalibu.com and get 10 % off your first order with code FRESH. That's O-S-E-A malibu dot com code FRESH.
From the publisher
In this episode, we break down five essential conversations parents should be having with their kids this summer. From online safety and media limits to emotional health and growth mindset, Amy and Margaret offer practical ways to open meaningful dialogue with your kids—without cornering them for awkward lectures.
You'll learn how to talk about:
📱 Digital Life & Safety: Scam-proofing kids, screen time sanity, and talking tech boundaries.
🧠 Emotions & Mental Health: Helping kids name emotions, normalize asking for help, and express what they're feeling.
🚫 Respect, Consent & Boundaries: From the sandbox to social situations, how to model and enforce personal boundaries.
🌎 Kindness & Inclusion: Embracing diversity, talking openly about difference, and reinforcing family values.
💪 Growth Mindset & Resilience: Teaching kids how to face
challenges, recover from failure, and develop a sense of possibility.
Here are the themed playlists we've curated for each of these topics:
Talking to Your Kids About Media and Technology
Talking to Your Kids About Growing as a Person
Talking to Your Kids About Kindness and Inclusion
Talking to Your Kids About Emotions and Mental Health
Talking to Your Kids About Respect, Consent, and Boundaries
Here is Angela Duckworth's advice to the graduates of Bates College about phone usage.
Here is an example of the pre-recorded conversations Amy mentioned that kids can use during ride shares.
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:
https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
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