BEST OF: What Fresh Hell Is Back to School?

20:18I gave up and wrote back like where, where on the portal? And anyway, it turned into a very funny conversation about like, why is this website the hardest thing to navigate everybody has ever seen? But I feel like it's true for any school.

20:28Amy Wilson:I'm going to tell you that if I can't find it on the portal, it's my fault. But if you can't find it on the portal, it's the school's fault. Thank you. Like if I can't find it on the portal, it says it right there and I just haven't seen it correctly. I mean, I just had this with my kid where, could you grab my wallet off of my desk? My wallet, you've seen it. My wallet is about a full foot wide and about six inches thick. And it has a very bright floral pattern. It's like a fold over wallet. You know, it's a trifold giant. It's about the size of your average red brick. That's the size of my wallet.

21:00Amy Wilson:Because there's a certain culling of receipts and like old hotel room cards. Because there's so much money in it. No, no, that's not why. It's because it's full, yes, of nonsense. And it's also because I lose things. Like I need the cement block, you know, bathroom key at the gas station version of a wallet. Like it has to be the size of a brick. Otherwise I lose it, right? They're always advertising like the smallest. My husband wants the smallest, thinnest wallet ever. And I'm the opposite. I want one the size of like my arm so that I can't lose it. He wants the like ones with like the truck drives over them and nothing happens.

21:35And you want one like a truck would drive over it and like the rims would fall off.

21:39Amy Wilson:And the truck would be total. Okay, correct. It's one way of remembering. But I sent my son in, could you get my wallet off of my desk? And I don't know how he couldn't have seen it. It's a giant floral cement brick in the middle of a fairly small desk. And he's like, I couldn't find it. I've given birth to myself. The parent portals, I mean, they just the places they put things like their nesting systems are so weird and the way the things they get put behind. Anyway, I'm not explaining it particularly well, but do I need to? Everybody who has a school portal knows I can't find anything on there, including the stuff you really needed to know.

22:14I had to order books for my kid. He's in high school. And I finally had to go on the Facebook page for the whole school and be like, where are the books? How did you guys know that there were books to order? And somebody was like, first you click on calendar, then you click on, oh God, forms and permission slips. Like, come on, really?

22:30Amy Wilson:Yeah, of course. We just did this with laptop pickup. It's laptop pickup day. And I'm always team sort of like, if we can get there, great. If you can ride your bike over, even better. But otherwise, they'll just give you a laptop on day one. I guess they don't want everyone to do that. But I feel like, you know how people are always posting the thing of like, back in the old days in the summer, we just drank from the hose and ran around all day and drank bug juice. But I feel that way a little bit towards school. My parents never received an email from the school. They received two things. They received report card and an envelope twice a year.

23:02Amy Wilson:And that was all the contact. I assume you felt like handing it to them and they remembered to ask. Yeah. Okay. I think they did send it so that you couldn't, you know, intercept it. But I mean, I don't feel there needs to be daily communication between me and the school. I don't check the portal. I mean, maybe I'm a nightmare for the teachers, but I don't want to make anyone's job harder, but I also really feel strongly that this shouldn't involve me. I feel like the book list is live and your kid does need to have books for the first day of school. Don't make it a like scavenger hunt on the parent portal.

23:33Just say like the book list is live, everybody. And here it is like you can blast people. I don't want them blasting me every day, but blast me when there's something I need to know. Yes. Yes. Maybe that's it. Or my kid needs to know, but my kid's probably not going to bother. So I need to know. I need a little more communication that's not behind.

23:50Amy Wilson:Behind 86 different walls. Behind walls that aren't, exactly. It just shouldn't be a full-time job as a mom for your child to go to school. It just shouldn't be. It should not involve you that much. What else have you got for me, Amy? Have we hit all of the fresh house? No, I think I have a good one. This is mostly for younger kids, but the memory still wounds. I can still recall. Wounds. Oh, the burning. Something that experts call scholastic transference, which is when there is an assignment for your kid to do at school that very much involves the parental involvement, sometimes to a much greater extent than the kid's involvement.

24:26And what I'm thinking of is when my kids were very little, like nursery, pre-K, for the first day of school, you have to make a poster with 10 family photos on it, all about me. You have to make the all about me poster.

24:39Amy Wilson:Yeah. The involvement of the dongle is always a problem. Like when you have to somehow get photos off of your computer onto some sort of, you know, plug-in dongle and then take that to CVS? Like what's happening in your very life? I hope that you just email those in, but I don't know. I used to just print them. Like we do have a printer at our house. No, no, no. I used to have to put them on the little flash drive and then go to CVS and plug that in. I mean, I had three children in four years. Oldest child's What About Me poster because we still have them somewhere. Yes, that's right. I do want to say they're adorable.

25:13Amy Wilson:I still have them like stuffed in the top of the closet. It's adorable. Let me tell you, second child's like maybe one photo. Lots of filled in information. Third child, drawn pictures. Drew a picture of herself, drew a picture of the family. And I'm like, it's fine. Yes. Doesn't always have to involve us. Yes. Now, like language skills aren't that developed. So I guess it's nice for them to be able to point to pictures and have the teachers understand about the kids. Like, I get it, but it's a real pain. Yeah. No, I mean, it's a real pain. And I think what happens, and we've talked about this all the time, because we're not trying to give anybody grief.

25:44Amy Wilson:And like, everybody's trying. We love teachers. We keep saying it. But everybody has a cute idea or everybody needs just one thing. And the fact is, by the end of it, you're getting 40 things. And so you end up feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by like, the ready confetti because it's one of the 450 things on your list. That's not ready confetti's fault, but it is a little bit. I'm overwhelmed by all the things. Yes. So here's where I get stuck. I guess you're like, forget it. We're drawing pictures. I want to drop out. I'm full of resentment that it's the night before school and I forgot that I have to print a dozen photos and make sure that like I have one of each grandparent and make sure that, you know what I mean?

26:21Like all the important adults, you're scrolling through your 25 ,000 photos to find one of your sister because she's in on the poster yet. But the idea that I can just not do it, I get a little stuck there because everybody else is going to have one or it'll be great and my kids won't be as good. It isn't that I want to be better than the other parents. It's that it seems like a really important assignment.

26:39Amy Wilson:You don't want to be significantly worse. Right. Yeah. See, I've had to let go of that, Amy, in my life. I'm just like, no. I remember a really good friend of mine in town. The moment I fell in love with her, her kid was like, I can't believe we're late, mom. And she was like, well, honey, if you don't want to be late, you'll just have to get a new mama. And it just I was like, I love that. Like, yeah, we're just the late family. Sorry. We try. We don't want to be annoying. We don't want to make it more difficult for people, but we are kind of the late family and I don't know what to tell you, kid.

27:11Amy Wilson:That's really refreshing. I know. I need that chip in my brain a little more. Yeah. And you can, listen, the teachers can't have 20 late families. They can't have it all go wrong all the time. But I do think that you can have... I think it's that. I've thought about this a lot because I'm trying to like to change how I do some of these things. And I think sometimes I over deliver on the, you know, all about me back to school poster. And then you get there and you walk your kid into the classroom. You see like, oh, nobody did that. Everybody knows like that's dumb and you don't have to do that.

27:42I think it's not that you never do anything and you're always like, who cares? It's just that you have a much more developed radar for this thing actually matters. Like if I don't get this permission slip in, he's not going on the trip. But the about me poster is optional. I feel like none of it's optional.

27:56Amy Wilson:And definitely having three makes it like I actually can't do all of these things. It's not possible. Yes. I have to triage at a certain point. That's right. And I'm not just like, I don't care about anything. I'll never go to my kids sports. Like I'm not really like that. But at a certain point, I am sort of like, okay, since I need the perspective here, because I can't be three places at once, let me remind myself that my parents were never in any of these places, never. And I did not grow up injured by that. And speaking of that, we have an interview coming out Friday with Linda Flanagan. She is the author of a new book called Take Back the Game, which is all about the sort of mania of sports culture and how it's like eating our kids childhoods and eating our weekends.

28:35And do we have to do that? And she makes that point so saliently in the book that this whole expectation that you give every night and weekend and family dinner that you have over to the nine-year-old's travel lacrosse schedule is new and optional and something to be queried, let's just say. So watch for that on Friday.

28:53Amy Wilson:Make your own choices about it. I think that's right. All right, more fresh hell back to school when we come back. We wanted to share a terrific new children's album with you. It's called Magnificent, and it's by Lachi, a Grammy-nominated musician and author. Lachi's work focuses on inclusion and helping kids feel confident in who they are. It's one of those albums that parents can enjoy as much as their little ones. Lachi's playful songs celebrate difference, diversity, self-expression, and imagination. There's a gentle message that runs through the whole album around on confidence and emotional well-being, but without ever feeling heavy or lessen-y.

29:31Amy Wilson:Magnificent is the kind of music you can put on during your morning routine, in the car, or wherever your kid needs a little bit of a reset. Let me tell you, I am always here for catchy, thoughtful songs for kids that parents won't mind hearing again and again. Magnificent is streaming now on all major platforms, Spotify, Apple Music, wherever you listen. We'll put the link to Lachi's album, Magnificent, in the show notes for this episode. Just click the link and it'll take you straight to the album. Or search Magnificent by Lachi, spelled L-A-C-H-I. Amy, let me tell you about a magical place that is so exactly designed to be enclosed space, year-round fun for the whole family, that I bet you already know what I'm going to say before I even say the name.

30:21Amy Wilson:Let's say it together on three. One, two, three. Great Wolf Lodge. You got it, Amy. My kids loved Great Wolf Lodge when we went. You probably already know that it has a huge indoor water park with a wave pool, lazy river, a bunch of massive water slides, but then your pack can hit the other attractions because wait, there's more. Great Wolf Lodge has adventure packed attractions like Magi Quest, a live action game kids can play throughout the Lodge, plus the Northern Lights Arcade spent some quality time there. So your kid who loves the lazy river and your kid who loves fantasy games will both have a great time.

30:58Great Wolf Lodge also offers great dining options and complimentary daily events like nightly dance parties, all under one roof. Unpack the car once and you're settled in to have fun. And with 22 lodges across the country, you're always a short drive away from adventure.

31:12Amy Wilson:We've both had such great times at Great Wolf Lodge. So bring your pack together at a lodge near you. Learn more at greatwolf.com and strengthen the pack.

31:26Amy Wilson:And now, homework hell for every age from the What Fresh Hell podcast. First grade reading. Sound it out. Sound it out. That's great. No, you can do it. It sounded, oh, for God's sake, it's worm. Worm. Algebra. Okay, let's see. Determine the inequality of negative two is less than three X plus one is less than 13. Sorry, kid, you're on your own. Spelling. Sure, honey. I'd love to turn off this episode of Real Housewives and listen to you spell engagement 19 times. All about my family poster. Ooh, let's see. So you said mommy's favorite thing to do is drink beer. Okay, new policy. You show everything to me before handing it in.

32:17Amy Wilson:Nonsensical holiday-themed project. Wait, you have to decorate a pumpkin to look like Theodore Roosevelt? That makes no sense. The essay. Okay, this was assigned last Thursday, and it is due tomorrow, and you were just telling me about it now? Word problems. If Caitlin has 27 crayons and James has 2.5 times fewer than Caitlin, then how many... Okay, wait, I can tell there's going to be crying. Let me grab a Kleenex before we get started. Science fair. Okay, family spring break is canceled this year. Instead, we are all going to be working full-time on this potato light bulb.

32:58Amy Wilson:All right, Amy, we like to find solutions in part three. Hopefully you have some for us. I saw this article recently. Phyllis Fagel wrote it for the Washington Post. She's a parenting expert. We've talked about her work on the podcast before. She wrote an article called Five Ways Parents Can Help Children Have a Better School Year, which before you're like, is this like five different kinds of ready confetti? No, it's and it's actually some of this is for us as well, which is why I really liked it. Five different kinds of ready confetti. A big bucket of ready confetti. No, she basically comes at it from the last school year was really hard.

33:32The school year before that was a dumpster fire and the end of the school year before that. And so the 21-22 school year, Anya Kamenetz made this point when she was on the show that by any other set of criteria, the last school year was like pretty not great, but it was better than the one before, right? So we're all hoping that this school year is going to be the return to normal that our kids deserve, that we deserve, that it's going to be just better. And she's suggesting, Phyllis, that because we've had these last couple of years that have been characterized by so much uncertainty, that there are things we can do to make it better, to make this year better.

34:07Do you want to hear a couple of them?

34:08Amy Wilson:I guess I do. Am I available to learn, Amy? Let's see. She says that kids, they expected last year to be normal. September of last year, we were... 2021. Yeah. So we were back to school, but still in masks, for sure, in New York. Yeah. Right. I mean, depending on where you were and still in outbreaks and still like, well, that's weird. And but we were under the assumption that, OK, this is normal. We're going back to normal. And she argues that it isn't just like if your schools didn't close or whatever, it was normal. Like it was still disrupted in other ways. Like my kids were in school the whole year, but with the windows open in the wintertime.

34:43Right. And what she really drills down on is this idea of like it wasn't normal for our kids because they were just getting back to school and things were hard for them that they didn't expect and that the teachers didn't expect. I have like 32 kindergartners who don't know how to share. I have, she gives an example in the article about some, like I think like fourth graders were playing dodgeball and like the seventh graders came over and like took over the whole game. And the teachers were like, why are the seventh graders playing with the fourth graders? Well, because they miss fifth grade and they kind of miss sixth grade.

35:13And so they want to run around and be little kids. You know, there was a major resetting of being like, oh, these things that we didn't expect are the things that our kids find hard. So the idea is that we can sort of own that and say, okay, this year is a restart. This year is a real reset, an opportunity to redo things how you want them to be. And then a teacher can address this with her kids and that we can with the kids at home, be like, okay, like your homework corner in your room. What can we do to make that look extra special? You know, put the aloe plant there. I don't know. Like a little something.

35:47Reset it. do something to make your kid excited about their space and the things that they're returning to is something that they're good at.

35:54Amy Wilson:Okay. I see that. I mean, I guess I think the thing that I take away from it a little bit more, first of all, I think that back to school is a back to one. You're right. Back to school is a drag and let our kids have that feeling. I have one kid who's truly like, he is like in cement shoes every day, like dragging his feet. He does not want to go, And that's fine. That's a legitimate feeling. But that it is a back to one, new pencils, new books, getting to see friends again, and really appreciating for myself when I'm trying to focus on the alarm going off at 645 and my entire body being like, take me back to the lake where I was happy, trying to focus a little bit on, we are getting back to a routine that feels really normal.

36:40Amy Wilson:And there's something really great about that. It is nice for my kids to not be in masks and to see their friends. I mean, obviously, COVID is still around. People are still getting it. But it's not the thing defining their school year this year. That's what I'm hoping. Yes. At least we hope so. Right. And that is meaningful and good and a positive. The other thing about the COVID thing and coming out of it is it's a thing to kind of celebrate in a way. We can be overly reductive about it or tweet tweet or whatever that like, well, that was hard, wasn't it? But we got through it. You know what?

37:11I'm kind of glad. But there was a pandemic. Like, no, I'm not. And I'm not for our kids. And I'm not for me. I don't need to silver lining this. But this professor named Christopher Emden, he's a professor of education at USC. And he wrote a book called Ratchetdemic. So I'll link to that. He says that we need to sort of equip our kids with the knowledge that they did get through something hard. Not that it wasn't that bad. No, it actually wasn't a kind of fun. No, that it was really hard. that it was really tough and it did teach you resilience and fortitude. And I'm sorry you went through it, but you can get through making new friends at your new school if you got through a pandemic.

37:48Amy Wilson:Yeah. I mean, I think that's right. We've talked about this before. Hard things have something to teach us and appreciating that it's a little easier is sometimes a helpful part of saying, hey, we're back to the routine. This is one difference. I don't think I have to convince my kid of that, but I have to have confidence in it myself. My kid who is really struggling to be back to school, he's mama's son. He just likes the freedom and the free time. He likes to fill his days and he loves animals and he would rather be walking around the yard like finding animals and honestly playing video games than going to school.

38:22Amy Wilson:But that I know that it's good for him to be back to a routine and I know that the summer comes again. I don't think I have to force that perspective on him of like, well, it's not as bad as doing it at home in front of a computer during a pandemic. I don't think that's interesting to him, but I think it's interesting to me to remember for myself. Yep. Everything has a season and some seasons are, you know, dancing seasons and some seasons are plowing seasons and back to school is the start of a plowing season and it's hard, but I kind of see the perspective of like, it's not as hard as that plowing season where the dirt was all rocky.

38:58Amy Wilson:Or there were refrigerator trucks outside hospitals. Yeah, where there were crows attacking us or whatever. But I think that we have to be careful in trying to layer on a lot of perspective for kids and school because I have a kid who loves school and is very glad to be back. But for a lot of kids, school stinks. And I think, okay, I get you. Well, you certainly, you don't want to introduce a storm cloud into a kid who's like, I just can't wait to meet my new teacher to say that. But first, let's have a talk about the pandemic. I want you to know that I acknowledge how hard the pandemic was for you.

39:30No, don't do that. But if your kid is like, I have a kid starting a new school this fall. It's hard. Will I make friends? I don't know anyone. I mean, you know, the kind of stuff any kid would do, that that might be a way into like, if you did this, you can do that. You know how to do hard things.

39:45Amy Wilson:Yeah. I have a kid who's now starting high school, really trying in every circumstance to allow them to lead in the problem solving. Something came up, they were assigned the wrong class, came to me, you need to fix this. And I said, let's see if you can fix it. And this kid sent an email. It was to the wrong person. You actually need to email this person. I don't understand. Okay, you just follow the next step. The next step is you email the right person. Okay, they want to meet. Okay, great. Here's your bike. There's the school. Go meet and figure it out. They were able to fix this problem on their own.

40:22Amy Wilson:For me, as my kids get older, leaning out is the most challenging thing rather than like leaning in and being like, let me give you this perspective, kind of saying like, yes, school stinks for you. What's the solution to that? Do you think you need an hour of play afterwards? What if you rode your bike there? What if you walk there? What if you met a friend for a half hour beforehand and played? You start thinking about what these solutions look like versus I always figure out what these solutions look like. Yes. I think that's a really good point. And I want to make sure before we close that we do an actual true slow clap for the teachers because we're talking about how hard this year has been.

41:01I just wanted to be sure to say that at the end of an episode where we're goofing on ready confetti that we get that teachers have had to go above and beyond. And maybe some of them are dreading back to school and maybe some of them are excited. and we just want to thank you for everything you're doing to help our kids get back to school.

41:19Amy Wilson:And listen, the fact that you're still trying, the ready confetti is only a sign that you're still trying. It's a sign of life. Well, the rest of us have just died inside. So God bless you. Absolutely. Be kind to the teachers. Remember, there's 30 of you and one of them. Give these teachers a break. Who is having a harder time at back to school than our beloved teachers? Not many, Amy. None. None more. The answer is none more harder. Well, we didn't solve it. We didn't solve the back to school fresh hell. Hard to disagree, Amy. We solved it because now we know what fresh hells we're facing and we're facing them together.

41:54Amy Wilson:I feel we solved it. Back to one, back to school. I'm calling it a solved it. If anyone needs school supplies, hit me up, okay? Info at whatfreshhellpodcast.com. I'll send you some graph paper, okay? You know what I'm going to do a shout out to this week is episode ideas. We get them. You guys send them to us and We love them and we consider them all. You can email us questions at whatfreshallpodcast.com. You can drop something in the Facebook group. You can message us on Instagram. We see them all eventually. So keep them coming. Keep them coming and keep listening. Tell your friends to listen.

42:26Amy Wilson:And with that, friends, happy back to school. We'll talk to you next time. So long. Bye-bye.

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