DEEP DIVE: Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius) on Compassionate Time Management

0:00Heidi Raykeil:This Monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents. The agents wrote the copy and managed the timelines, while our human creative director made sure it all made sense. Easy. Create your own AI agent today on Monday.com. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Fresh Take from What Fresh Hell? Laughing in the face of motherhood. This is Margaret. And this is Amy. Today, we're talking to Kendra Adachi, better known as the Lazy Genius. She is the host of the Lazy Genius Podcast. She is the two-time New York Times bestselling author of The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen. Kendra lives in North Carolina with her husband and three kids.

0:43Heidi Raykeil:Today, we'll be talking about what Kendra calls compassionate time management and her newest book, The Plan, Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius. Welcome, Kendra. Thanks, y 'all, for having me. So good to see you. We're so excited. You are such a notable quotable on our podcast. I can't think of the number of times we've quoted you. People decide once. We've talked about that so much and we always throw it to you. But we say it so much, people think we said it. We're always like, no, that's a lazy genius. Decide once. But we do live that way. That's amazing. I love it. I love it. Thank you. I'm so glad to be just like a quiet little voice hanging out with decide once.

1:17That one's sticky, isn't it? That's such a sticky principle we love so much. Such a good one. It's such a good, simple rule for life.

1:25Heidi Raykeil:This is one of my favorite topics day to day for better and worse, which is time management and productivity. I love trying new ways to be productive, although a lot of them end up making me feel bad about myself. And Kendra, you point out in the book that there's a really good reason for that. There's a really good reason. Yeah. Like how many times have we read any sort of time management book and we finished it and we were like, man, I feel good about myself. I feel so good about myself right now. It just doesn't happen. Right. I'm already doing this. Exactly. Well, part of the problem is that 93 % of time management books are written by men.

2:02And men don't carry the mental load of the home. They don't have periods. And authors themselves typically don't have bosses. So if you are not dealing with a boss, a home to run, and hormones, it's a lot easier to look ahead and go, what do I want my life to look like in 20 years? and then reverse engineer that and have like this repetitive day all the time to serve this invisible future that you have built up. And that is just not the reality for women, nor do I think it has to be the reality for everyone. I just want there to be permission for people to not have greatness be the goal. Greatness and optimization and mastery of your time is the goal that is set before us by the industry.

2:52And I think maybe we need a different goal. Maybe that's part of the problem. It is that we have one typical type of lifestyle and person speaking into time management, but also like maybe the system's a little wonky for most people and we need to rethink what actually matters here. I wouldn't pick up a time management book if you bribed me with it. I mean, I just, we are so opposite in that way. And I will say, I read this book because it was a book that was going to be on the podcast. We obviously know and love you. And there is something for everybody in this book. I always think of time management as like the rise and grind people, people who want to get up and self-actualize.

3:34I'm like, I don't want to self-actualize. I just want to make it through my day. And I thought it was really interesting that one of the early principles in the book, kind of rejecting some of those ideas of time management? Because, you know, God bless you if you're making an income for yourself, but I got no interest. I don't even want to rise and I definitely don't want to grind. Right. Well, here's the thing that is kind of fascinating about this culture that we live in, in America in particular, is the American dream is rise and grind. Like that's what the country's built on in many ways, right?

4:08It's potential, it's striving, it's hustle. And there is so much beauty in that. It's lovely to have opportunity for people and follow your dreams and you have the chance to do that. But that has been conflated with this productivity industrial complex that we live in, which is, okay, you got to get it done. You got to rise and grind. But in order for the rise and grind industry to make money, we have to keep thinking that we're not doing it well enough. because of all these things that we've been reading so far were working, we would all just be rising and or grinding or a third and fourth and fifth alternative rather than keep going back to the drawing board because we feel like we're doing it wrong.

4:54And that's what I think there has to be space for people to be like, I'm not a rise and grinder or I have to be, I have to rise and grind a little bit in this season of life that I am in because of the responsibilities that I have or the commitments that I have that I've chosen to. But because that is what my season of life is now, I have to let some other things go. I can't rise and grind at everything. You cannot listen. You cannot make everything matter all at the same time, nor should everything matter to everyone across the whole of your life. Margaret, I feel like there are people who it's either you that they're like, I don't read time management books.

5:35I run for cover. Or people like me and maybe Amy who are like, can I have them all? Can I have them all? Because there's got to be something in there I haven't found yet. We got to figure out the formula. And both reactions make sense to me in this world that we live in because it's either like try hard or give up because it doesn't feel like there's a middle for us. Right. And I think the reality is that I do have a lot of things to do. I have three children. I have a job and a career and a husband and a large extended family. I suppose I could, you know, completely run away and live on a beach somewhere and pretend I never met any of these people, but that's not in the immediate plans.

6:15Whether or not you accept the call to rising grind, there's a lot of grind that's going to find you every single day. And you say, the goal is you want to make hard things easier and enjoy life more than endure it. I started a practice this year that I stole from someone off of TikTok of color coding my days. I put black for a terrible day, brown for a bad day. And then I look at it and it's kind of an interesting visual of 365 days of the year. Why were these bad days bad? Were they things that were out of my control or in my control? I don't want to endure my life. Even when things are hard and overwhelming, I want to get up and have mostly good days.

6:55Heidi Raykeil:Right. And I would just say that it doesn't mean you throw out all the books, right? The answer isn't like, who cares? Let's live your life. That's not it either, because then important things get dropped and you're in stress and catch up mode all the time. So some productivity advice is useful, but it's leaving behind some part of the guilt trip. Is that the point? I think what we need to start to explore is we need a different goal. So the goal in the industry in general is, yeah, be great, master this, optimize this. It's a little mechanical. It's a bit robotic. It needs to be very repetitive.

7:34It's kind of set it and forget it, right? But for the purpose of you want to be your best self and you're, you know, it's like a level, you're always leveling up yourself. And I'm offering, perhaps for some of us, The goal instead is integration, meaning let's be who we are, where we are today, no matter what the circumstances are, because we can't control a lot of those. Like, I love that line, the grind will find you. That's such a good, you need to write that down. That is such a good line because it is, it will absolutely find you. And so we, what I know happens for me, like if I were to color code my days and I were to look at those bad days, the bad days, quote unquote, are typically days where I did not accomplish all I set out to accomplish, or I didn't check off all the boxes mentally or on actual paper that I set out to do.

8:31And I kind of feel like I was not enough in some capacity that day. What happens is that the things that keep us often from doing all the things that we set out to do, some of those things are outside of our control. But if the goal of a good day is to like, I was very productive today. How many times have we said that? We're like, I was so productive today. And we have this lightness to us, but I think it's a false... We're getting sold short. That is what makes the day red or whatever the color is on the calendar, that you were productive, that you were good at getting things done because the industry sets it up that that's the goal.

9:16Instead, what if the goal, what if a good day was, you know what? I was kind to myself, even though everything fell apart. I didn't yell at this kid when he spilled his cup of milk as we're walking out the door, or I did yell, but I immediately recognized like he's rushed. I'm rushing. We're all rushing and things happen and I'm going to repair that relationship. It's being like who you are, where you are, compassionate and kind towards yourself, towards your people, as best as you're able with the energy that you have, honoring the energy you have, honoring what's on your calendar, but not at the expense of like your own soul.

9:53You know, I feel like that is a good day. That's a good day. That's something that we can like, I even struggle to use the word control here, but that is something that we can be aware of and have like Like we can be connected to who we are in those moments. We can, in a way that we can't really be as connected to those circumstances. It feels like we're just, you know, juggling all the balls of the things that are thrown at us. And who you are is not a ball to juggle.

10:22Heidi Raykeil:That goal of being more compassionate or viewing yourself as a ball that doesn't need to be juggled, that becomes your goal for your day instead of I'm going to return these 10 emails and then that happens or doesn't happen. I think that's where it needs to start. Y 'all, I got to read Amy's new book that comes out in January. Is that when it comes out in January? Yes, it comes out in January. Yeah. Talking about Amy's book is always allowed. Y 'all, it's so good. I figured that was true. Y 'all, it's so good. I cannot wait for you to read it. And also having read it, I'm not surprised that you're like, but I also have 10 emails.

10:55What are you saying? How can I get my 10 emails done? When we have so much to do, it can almost feel a little patronizing for me to be like, yeah, you just need to be kind to yourself. That's all that you need today. And that is not what I'm saying. It's not that's all you need. I think that's where you begin. I think that's where you begin. A principle in the plan is staying grounded is more important than staying on task. Staying who you are in that moment and taking even five seconds to just take a deep breath and go, I'm okay here. We can get a towel for the milk. The day is not ruined because of this thing.

11:31Just taking a moment and naming like literally what's happening, not letting it spiral out of control in your own head. And then you are able to move forward into cleaning up the milk or answering the emails or whatever it is with like a greater sense of connection to yourself. Our stuff disconnects us from ourself.

11:50Heidi Raykeil:We're talking to Kendra Adachi. Her new book is The Plan. And we'll be right back. Summer is definitely a time when you want to be able to throw something on just before running out the door while also somehow looking like you definitely didn't just do that. Oh, that's why we are so in love with quince. Quince makes elevated essentials using premium materials like European linen, organic cotton and washable silk without the traditional retail markup. Quince's 100 % European linen pants, dresses, and tops are the pieces you'll reach for all summer long. They're lightweight, soft, comfortable, and perfect for layering.

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15:24For real, guys, I'm loving Osea's Hyaluronic Body Serum. It's a multi-layer hyaluronic powered hydration for the entire body. And right now, we have a special discount just for you. Get 10 % off your first order site-wide with code FRESH at OSEAMalibu.com. That's code FRESH at OSEAMalibu.com. So Kendra, let's dive in to the plan. I think that Amy often says on the podcast, you need to slip a piece of paper, like this thin piece of paper between maybe your kid's behavior and your reaction or your constant fight that you're having with your spouse and how you're going to fix that. And I think that we kind of understand the concept of taking that moment to say like, okay, the spilled milk is not going to be the whole day.

16:18We're coming at it from the point of view of Amy, super geared towards productivity, myself, less geared to productivity, but also understanding that, listen, if I eat like nothing but Reese's Puffs and watch TikTok all day and don't exercise for five days, I actually feel terrible. So I want maybe a little more productivity, Amy, maybe not less productivity, Amy, not less productivity, but you know, just a little less stress, less stress, less stress around the not being enough productivity, right around the productivity. So let's start walking through the plan. And the plan, as I understand it, let me start with this quote, which I like You say living is painting a picture, but we've been taught it's assembling a puzzle.

17:03So how are we changing through the plan from assembling a puzzle to painting a picture? Because I love a meta. I think in metaphors, I live in metaphors, and this metaphor really worked for me. Again, I love people's reaction to metaphors because some people are like, now I get it. And others are like, this is not a list. What are you talking about? Please don't say painting versus puzzle. I'm a metaphor mind. But I agree. I love this metaphor. so much, the industry that we have grown up in, the way that we have been taught to sort of organize and orient our lives is like we're putting together a puzzle.

17:37We are matching the picture on the box. We are naming in our head in the front part of our journal that we, you know, our new planner that we get that we do on January 1st. And we're like, okay, what's my life going to look like? What are these things that I'm... Because we have been taught that if you're every single day is not moving towards that picture on the box, you're wasting your day. You're being undisciplined. You're being inconsistent. It's very shaming that if you're not moving towards the picture on the box, then you are the problem and you need to figure it out. The other thing about puzzles is like, think about the last time you put a puzzle together and there was a piece missing and how the whole thing was like, well, that was the biggest waste of time ever.

18:20Like the exacting completion of the puzzle is the goal. The process, you're like, well, the process is fine, but there's nothing responsive or creative about the process of putting a puzzle together. It's very mechanical and detached. This goes here. This is right. This is wrong. It's very linear. And again, it's matching the picture on the box. I don't know about you, but the thing that I thought my life might look like five years ago to now, you know, like if you look back at five years ago, Kendra, what's your life going to look like in five years? I wouldn't have been able to say all these things, 10 years for sure.

18:55Do you think 24 year old Kendra had any idea? Like we don't always know what it is that we want our lives to look like. We don't have full control over what that's going to be. There's some, but we don't have full control. So, and it also puzzling our lives together does not take into account the seasons that we're in. It doesn't take into account illnesses that we have or our family has. It doesn't take into account like there might be some sort of financial crisis in your own life that you have to pivot around and go, wow, this is changing a lot of things now. You get a job transfer. You have to move to a new city.

19:32A parent dies and you get hit with grief. There are so many things that change, can change that picture on the box. So instead of that, again, that being the goal that we're trying to put together this picture on the box, what if life was like painting? What if every day you brought the paints available to you, your energy, your schedule, your hormones, whatever is going on in the season of life that you are in. And there is fluidity and movement in painting. It is expected for paintings to be layered, to be blended as you go, for there to be movement in the strokes of things. Linear, like straight linear paintings, they don't necessarily move us in this.

20:28Like a paint by numbers is not going to move you in the same way that an actual painting with that movement and fluid and layering is going to have. So again, if you're a metaphor person, you might be like, oh, that feels really good. But let me say to the people, because this metaphor is brought up a lot in conversations I'm having. And there's one big pushback that I think is a good pushback that probably would meet you guys and your audience really well. What if you're good at puzzling? What if you're really good at logistics? What if, if you were not puzzling your family's life together, everything would actually fall apart?

21:02So it's like, well, don't take away my puzzle. That's my whole job is puzzling. That's what I do. My invitation to you is when you look back on that day, at the end of the day, when you're putting your color code in your day, or someone's like, how was your day today? Which is such a complicated question because there's so many things that happen in a single day. But when you look back, what you're looking back on is the painting. It's not the puzzle. Like the thing that you're sort of evaluating is how did I feel today with myself? How did I respond to these things? And if I lost my mind, am I gonna be kind to myself about that?

21:46Yes, I am. It's just coming back to the center of who you are you can honor the puzzle and you're going to bring puzzling into your life and we need puzzlers. So it's not like throwing out the puzzle altogether. But if again, that is the goal, if every day is in service to this picture on the box, there's no room for movement and change and pivoting and energy. And we as women need that. We need the freedom to be able to incorporate that movement into our daily lives. And I think there's another aspect to the puzzle that the picture, extending the metaphor, which I like to do, the picture sometimes is so unrealistic that like, I want to at this phase of my life, be active, because I know I feel better when I'm active a couple of days a week.

22:32And I like to challenge myself with new things. But if I make the picture on the box, JLo, at 53, who looks 20, I'm chasing a picture like I don't even have the pieces to make that picture, you know, and I, right. That's what the puzzle metaphor also speaks to me because I'm trying to paint myself. And I think maybe more so as women, sometimes we're trying to put together a picture that we don't even have the pieces for, but that someone else told us this is the right picture and this perfect home and this perfect laundry room that is covered and shiplap when mine is just full of dirty socks. Like that getting to your own plan as opposed to the internet's plan or Pinterest's plan or your mom's plan that was very important to her, but that you still have trouble fitting into as a middle-aged person.

23:25I'm just making this up, just pulling it out of nowhere. Who knows? But yeah, I thought of that. The puzzle metaphor, all I'm saying really works for me.

23:34Heidi Raykeil:Can we talk a little bit about the plan? You break down plan into P-L-A-N. It's very, for a logical puzzler like me, this does get very nitty gritty. So let's talk a little bit about the four steps of planning. Yes. So the plan, I call it the plan pyramid, even though it's technically a tetrahedron for you math nerds out there. But it's like a three-sided triangle. Okay. This is the framework that I think could be really helpful in moving us in this direction of integration being a goal and having compassionately managing our time while still getting our stuff done. Like we still got to get our stuff done.

24:09So the base of the pyramid is what matters to you in the season that you're in. So you got to name the season that you are in. It's like I currently have three kids in three schools. I'm in the car a lot. I'm managing, you know, like again, so many logistics to manage in my life right now. And just last night, it's Tuesdays are my long work day. And I planned to make a new recipe on Tuesday night. And I don't get, I'm taking one kid to clarinet and I'm getting home and I have 20 minutes before I have to leave again to get the other kid from marching band. And I got home and I was like, what was I thinking?

24:48So we got Popeye's because that's a better plant. That's a better choice for that night in the season of life that we're in. And so it's just going like, okay, what matters right now? It's not that we are going to be eating homemade stuff every single night. It's putting the things that are convenient and helpful for our logistics. So we're not all rushing and feeling crazy all the time. Let's honor the season that we're in. So what matters where we are? Okay. So if that is the foundation of how you're making your choices, how do you build on that? So plan, the acronym stands for prepare, live, adjust, and notice.

25:25Okay. The three sides of that pyramid are prepare, adjust, and notice. Here's why this is important. The industry teaches us to prepare. That's all it is, is preparation, right? It's setting us up for the future. It's making your list. Here's your systems, prepare, plan, prepare, plan, prepare, plan. Without teaching us and even honoring that adjustments, small adjustments as you go really lead you to systems that work for you so that you don't have what I call big black trash bag energy. I love that phrase. That really happens in your life or even in your organization where it's just like, we're done.