Fresh Take: Dannah Eve, STREET SMARTS

17:32Dannah Eve:And is it about trusting their instincts? Is there something that your teenager might be setting aside that uneasy feeling in themselves before they get to the point that they're sending pictures?

17:43Margaret Ables:Yeah, I mean, that definitely could be it. And again, that's where you say, if something doesn't feel right, then come to me and we can figure it out together. Have those conversations before you're giving them a cell phone. You know, yes, we discussed that you can get a cell phone. But before we do that, we're going to sit down and we're going to have a conversation because with this device comes great responsibility and it opens you up to a world that you're not used to. Knowing what's out there and having one myself and seeing, you know, what goes on in the world, we're going to talk about it.

18:10Margaret Ables:The education, the conversations, the open line of communication and empowering your kids that if something doesn't feel right, you can come to me. If you made a mistake, you can come to me. I am here. I'm in your corner and we're figuring out life together. You know what I mean?

18:23Amy Wilson:We were on a trip once with extended family and my nephews were there. Their grandmother was a pediatrician. At some point we were playing cards and she's like, do you all know not to send pictures of yourself nude to other people on the internet? It was the middle of a card game. Like what literally what are you doing like bringing this up it was a group of like 11 year old boys they all died basically they like one of them actually hit under the table but you have to say things out loud you have to actually give voice to uncomfortable things and there's never a good day to be like here's what you do if a weird person touches you on a train but when we skip those conversations, the kids don't know what to do.

19:12Amy Wilson:I mean, it's a very hard balance, I think, because we don't want to introduce urban legends, basically, like, oh, this is some really scary thing that's happening. A while ago, there was a thing called Momo. It was like a scary chicken puppet. You know, the Slender Man, all that stuff. Slender Man's not coming. But you may find yourself in a situation where you have to walk down a really long hallway to a bathroom where nobody else is, and you see a man who's walking away from the bathroom who turns around and starts walking behind you. What do you do in that situation? And so I think the balance now, because my kids do have friends on Discord and other places who they love and they discuss film or their special interests with.

20:01Amy Wilson:But I think it's just such a hard balance, I guess, is what I'm saying, of like finding, letting them live in 2026, but warning them against what's really going to happen, but not warning them against stuff that's really not going to happen. Do you understand what I'm saying?

20:20Margaret Ables:It's a balancing act. Absolutely. You know, something that it makes me think about is my own childhood. And my parents did this even when I was in high school, but it's starting to play the what if game with your kids. It allows them to think through situations in a safe and controlled environment. So if you see something in the news about sextortion without traumatizing them, having the conversations of, hey, I saw this, I want to know what you would do in this situation. Let's say you're playing a video game and you start chatting with this new friend and they take the conversation to say Snapchat and you feel like it's a friend that maybe lives a couple cities away and they say that they have this really cute new girl that moved to town and she thinks you're cute and she wants to see a picture of you.

21:00Margaret Ables:You snapped me a picture. And so then it starts with a selfie and then it progresses. And then all of a sudden he starts asking you for really inappropriate pictures of your private parts. What would you do in that situation? And now they're in it where they're, okay, this is maybe an uncomfortable conversation because now they're going to have to think there's something uncomfortable. But at the end of the day, they're doing it with you. And if they have questions, we're breaking a cycle. Like sex is such a taboo topic. And I think we're getting a little bit more comfortable talking about it.

21:26Margaret Ables:When you have the uncomfortable conversations, even if you as a parent feel that you're uncomfortable, know that that's you're doing something good. You're breaking a cycle and you're then sitting with your kid in a reality where they're going, hmm, I never thought about that before. And now if they find yourself in that situation, wow, mom had this discussion with me. Dad had this discussion with me. Grandma had this discussion with me. They're my safe person. I can now go back and be like, oh, I messed up. I knew that I shouldn't have done this. And I did help me out of it. Play the what if game, make your child the main character, and then let them think through a problem themselves and see how they would solve it.

22:01Dannah Eve:Are there red flags that you can teach your kids to look for before you get to the point, okay, now you have to send me a nude picture. I tell all your friends, what are the signposts that might be a little earlier on the road that kids could recognize?

22:12Margaret Ables:Red flags could be trying to move a conversation off to another app quickly, rushing a relationship, pushing, you know, putting a lot of pressure on the kid and having them feel like they might not be able to put their finger on it, but what's the urgency here? Why is this? Why are they asking for this so quickly? Or, you know, why are they calling me their best friend? Or why are they sending me gifts? You know, there's so many different things that could start to feel like, okay, this doesn't feel right. I don't know what. But if you start to have that feeling again, back to empowering their intuition, I don't know what this feeling is.

22:46Margaret Ables:But let's now sit in and explore it because something might feel off long before the picture sent where then either they make the decision on their own to not have that relationship with the person. It doesn't feel right. I'm not, you know, I don't like this person. I'm going to move on. Or I'm going to go talk to a safe adult about it.

23:02Amy Wilson:When my kids were five, I was like, never talk to weirdos online. That's not cutting it now that I have 15 year olds, but being really present. Like when I know they're on a discord chat, it's time to bring some laundry up and be like, hey, who are you chatting with? And they're like, oh, mom, I'm talking to my film friends. I'm like, oh, great. Oh, where are they from? just being present because I do think that if they are nefarious, people are turned off by the fact that there's a mom there. They know that there's an adult presence who is keeping an eye on what's going on. It doesn't mean there's 100 % nothing that's ever going to happen, but I try not to allow hours of unsupervised computer time.

23:49Amy Wilson:If you're on the computer, I'm just in and out of the room as much as I can be. And it's funny because my son's discord friends always make fun of me because they're like, is that your mom again? I'm like, well, it is the mom again. And I will be here every day, you little suckers.

24:03Margaret Ables:No, that's brilliant. I've had a lot of parents talk to me about they just have a simple rule, like no phones overnight in the room, because that's what nothing good's happening at that hour. That's it. That's it. That's a rule. That's a boundary that as a parent, you can absolutely set. But as you said, being present, that is so important and so underrated. And also you need to know what's going on in your kids devices. It's not just giving them a smartphone and walking away and going, have at it. If you sense your child's behavior is changing, if the phone comes to the table and all of a sudden it's, or it's not coming at the table and always it, or they're turning it over or something's going off and they're jumping at it and grabbing it quickly.

24:38Margaret Ables:If their behavior changes, that's a conversation. That's something we as parents could look for is the early signs of red flags, that something's going on in their world that you need to sit down and try and figure out. Go on their device.

24:48Amy Wilson:Let's talk a little bit about scams, because this is something that has just come up for us. The scammers are getting really good. It used to be that someone would call you with a very thick accent and be like, I am the sheriff. You must send me$5 ,000. Who falls for this? But now it's becoming much, much more sophisticated. Our kids used to have Apple Pay. So they basically had access to our bank accounts through their phones, which I realized pretty quickly was a bad idea because the scams work on kids because they're designed to work on people who are responsive to authority. We uncoupled that and gave them kids cards that were attached to their phone that had 20 or$30 on it if they needed a snack.

25:36Amy Wilson:But how do you talk to kids about how to figure out what's real and what's not. The rule that I've set is that you cannot send money to anyone for any reason without having a conversation with one of us first. But these scams often come in hot with like, don't tell anyone. That's the first rule of the scam. And there was a woman who wrote, I can't remember, maybe it was the cut, but like a woman who wrote for a major publication about digital scams. And she ended up handing a guy$50 ,000 cash. In a box.

26:07Dannah Eve:Yeah.

26:08Amy Wilson:In a box. Without Without telling her husband. Yep. Without telling her husband. These scams are hardcore. And again, you're not an idiot if you fall for these scams. These people have researched psychologists. Talk about Quantico. I mean, these people are incredible at knowing the weak spots of people and scamming them out of money.

26:27Margaret Ables:Talk about, I mean, it's wild. It's wild and it's infuriating and you think you've seen it all. And then something else comes through and you're actually impressed. Like there are times where there will be a scam and it's like an AI voice clone. And I'm actually like, that's impressive, a talent. Talking to your kids, having the boundary. If anyone asks you for money, the answer is no. And you come tell me immediately. You're not going to be in trouble, but you need to come tell me immediately. And there's certain, again, red flags that are very important to teach your kids. And that starts young.

26:56Margaret Ables:I am starting now with my son, that if anybody keeps a secret or asks you to keep a secret, if you hear the word secret, I need to know. If somebody says your mom and dad can't know, I need to know. If somebody says, don't tell your mom and dad because I'm going to hurt them or kill your family, whatever it is, you come to me immediately. So that when they start hearing those, God forbid they don't, but if they start hearing those phrases or someone comes to them or it's an online chat and they're saying your parents can't find out about this, that flag goes up and they're like, oh my God, mom talked to me about this.

27:25Margaret Ables:Dad talked to me about this. I need to now have a conversation. and what if I did send the money? I know that I can go. They might not be thrilled with me, but they're going to say, thank you for coming to me. I'm going to, you know, I have a safe space there and now we're going to figure it out together. But it's having those conversations early and teaching those red flags and then having the boundaries. We're not sending money to anyone under any circumstance unless you come and talk to me. But just know that, again, they just, it can't come from fear. It has to come from empowerment and education.

27:52Margaret Ables:So they're not afraid if they do make that mistake, but you want to empower them with the knowledge and the tools that they start to detect these things early. And then they can make the decision for themselves. And they might even not have to come to you because they're smart enough to know that, oh, this is a scam. And then they tell their buddies about it. And then because of one conversation you had with your kid, their entire friend group avoids the scam. And then another thing that I love and something that I grew up with, a family code word is an absolute must. And it could be something as simple as banana, something that you could, it could be an emoji that you text.

28:24Margaret Ables:And when I tell you a family code word comes in handy in so many different phases of your child's life, it can save them from an uncomfortable situation. It could help them save face with friends. It's brilliant. My dad had one growing up and we actually used his code word when I was growing up. So, you know, let's say they're your child young and home with a babysitter and the babysitter starts to make them feel unsafe because of a conversation that you've had with them. They're asking to see something that they shouldn't. They're, you know, just making your child not feel safe any longer. They could pick up the phone and go like, hey, mom, like when are you coming home?

28:55Margaret Ables:Whatever it is. And then slip in, say, oh, by the way, can you make me banana pancakes in the morning? It sounds so good. Now that parent hears the word banana, that parent then knows, OK, something's wrong. And they're at a sleepover with a friend. Same thing. They pick up the phone or they text you that code word. Now the parent knows they're the bad guy and your kid can save face with their friends.

29:13Amy Wilson:We're talking to Dana Eve, the author of the book Street Smarts, and we'll be right back. Parents, if you see your kids struggling with reading and wonder what you could do to support them, you're not alone. And there is a way forward that doesn't involve yet another night of tear-filled homework battles.

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31:15Dannah Eve:There you go. Monarch is built to make you proactive when it comes to your money, not just reactive. In fact, in a 2025 survey, Monarch users reported they saved over$200 per month on average after joining.

31:27Amy Wilson:I can verify. Set yourself up for financial success in 2026 with Monarch, the all-in-one tool that makes proactive money management simple all year long. Use code FRESH at Monarch.com for half off your first year. That's 50 % off your first year at Monarch.com with the code FRESH. One of the things that we have talked about, and I think it's really foundational to this, is play. Like the way that you teach in play, one of the things that was a rule in our house is the minute anyone says no, the game is over. So if somebody says no, that's the end of the game. And it doesn't get attached to a larger lesson about like consent.

32:11Amy Wilson:And this is how this is going to play out in your life. But boundaries and self-empowerment can really come just through the way that you play games and like having a yard full of kids. And, hey, I heard very clearly that that kid said they don't want to play anymore. And you kept going. That is not OK. And so that a lot of this establishment doesn't only have to be at the dinner table being like, don't send nude pictures to weirdos. You know, it can come through kind of the fabric of the way that you teach kids to feel confident and empowered.

32:54Margaret Ables:I love that. And it's funny that you say that because we have a rule in my household. We stop at no, literally hands up. We stop at no. So if we're playing and I'm tickling my son and he's like, mommy, no, or mommy, stop. Okay. And then vice versa, like it's the same thing. So if he's say pinching me and I'm like, buddy, stop. He knows, hands up, like we're not doing that. So it's teaching that boundary at a young age. And you're right. It doesn't have to be that deep. It's just, it's like a household rule. It's how we play. If somebody says no, we're done.

33:18Dannah Eve:I wanted to ask a little bit about a stranger danger and the ways that that is sort of an outmoded way of teaching our children interpersonal safety. The babysitter in the house that's making the kid uncomfortable that you were talking about before. is not a stranger, but is asking inappropriate questions. So what's the more 21st century way to talk to our kids about being aware of their safety around adults?

33:41Margaret Ables:I actually hate stranger danger. And I teach tricky people over stranger danger. Tricky people got it. Tricky people, tricky behavior, because it's not just a stranger. It could be, but it's typically not when it comes to child abuse and things like that.

33:53Amy Wilson:I think that's so important to underline for people. statistically the reality of the people who hurt kids the most are people they know it is extremely unlikely i had i knew somebody who used to make his kid bike down the street and then he would try to grab them in the car and like teach them to hold on to their bicycle because that's what he was most afraid of someone's going to snatch them and i'm like oh my god you you are teaching the wrong skill, my friend. Like you got to teach him how to know if the soccer coach is a tricky person, not how to hold onto his bike when someone tries to snatch him off the street.

34:33Margaret Ables:And that goes back to the conversation. It's the red flags. It's if somebody says to you, don't tell your mom and dad, that's a flag. If somebody asks to see your privates, that's a red flag. If somebody makes you feel uncomfortable and you don't necessarily understand why, but you don't feel safe being alone with Uncle Bob, come talk to me. Tricky people, tricky behavior. The theme of all of this is empowering your kids to trust themselves and their feelings that more than anything, and understanding what tricky behavior looks like, what adults should never ask of your child, and then having that open line of communication, where if they find themselves in that situation, they're coming to you.

35:08Dannah Eve:The message I think that you want your reader to take away from this book and from all of your content is a sense of empowerment, not a sense of overwhelm, not a sense of there's danger around every corner. We certainly don't want our kids to feel that way. This is about empowerment, right? So can you give us maybe the person listening who needs sort of one actionable step that she can take that would make this feel empowering rather than more scary for her and her kids? What would you suggest?

35:33Margaret Ables:I mean, that's a great question. And honestly, I would say it's as simple as being aware of who and what's around you. A distracted person is an easy target. And And if you move through the world with awareness and you walk with power, you walk with purpose, you're not going to look like an easy target. If you live aware, you live empowered to live your life. And that's exactly why I do what I do, why I wrote this book, because it's so true. I don't want you to be scared. I want you to go out there. I want you to go have fun. I want you to live your life. But if you do it with a street smart and aware head on your shoulders, you're going to be able to handle life as it comes to you.

36:06Amy Wilson:Dana, tell everyone where they can find you, where they can buy the book.

36:11Margaret Ables:you could find me online all of my usernames are just dana d-a-n-n-a-h underscore eve e-v-e and then please go get your hands on street smarts honestly my goal is to get this in every single woman's hands just because i know how powerful the information is and again my goal to just make you feel empowered in the world that we live in so you could buy this book anywhere that you buy

36:33Dannah Eve:books called street smarts we will put the link to buy the book on bookshop and the link to dana Eve's social media in the show notes for this episode as well. Dana, thanks for talking to us today.

36:44Margaret Ables:Thank you so much for having me.

36:45Dannah Eve:Thank you.

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