In short
Episode topic: Interview with Glenn Henry about his book Father Yourself First—positive, present fatherhood; “proof” over polished parenting talk; self-compassion and retraining the inner voice; and the need for community/mentorship. It also addresses child abuse, suicidal ideation, race conversations, grooming/sex education, and navigating hard family discussions.
Guest background
Glenn Henry is the creative force behind the YouTube channel Belief in Fatherhood. He promotes positive parenting and modern fatherhood through social media, workshops, and speaking. He grew up in Baltimore with a single mother; his father lived in California.
Key claims
Parents must be the first line of communication on race, sex/grooming, and safety. Skipping these talks cedes “relational equity.” Father yourself first means giving yourself the grace you give your children and rebuilding your inner voice. Mentors/community are essential—“each one teach one.”
Notable examples
A youth pastor with five daughters showed him a harmonious home; 2020 conversations about police and race; a playground incident where kids screamed “the black kids are coming”; and parenting moments like teaching kids “who are you becoming?” plus humorous “scorpion/snake” pest-control chaos.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Reluctance of Fatherhood
0:00 to 0:22
Glenn shares his initial reluctance to become a father and the influences that changed his perspective.
“And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds.”
The Reluctance of Fatherhood
1:25 to 4:07
Glenn shares his initial reluctance to become a father and the influences that changed his perspective.
“So the first chapter of your book is called I Never Wanted to Be a Father.”
Creating a Supportive Environment
4:07 to 5:23
Discussion on fostering an open and comfortable home for children.
“I mean, we could use a couple of minutes of bedroom.”
Navigating Difficult Conversations
5:23 to 6:08
Glenn explains the importance of having tough conversations about race and societal issues with children.
“So it's really hard to imagine, even if I look at Jesus, the disciples were able to walk with him.”
The Impact of 2020 Events
6:08 to 7:40
Glenn reflects on how societal events shaped his parenting approach and the conversations he had with his children.
“I've heard an expression a lot and it is preach the gospel, use words if absolutely necessary.”
Learning Moments for Parents
7:40 to 11:21
Discussion on the responsibilities of parents in educating their children about the world and societal dynamics.
“oh, just because he looks a certain way, certain people are going to see him differently.”
Learning Moments for Parents
13:18 to 14:28
Discussion on the responsibilities of parents in educating their children about the world and societal dynamics.
“That's why there's therapy, which is something anyone can benefit from no matter what their current situation is.”
Learning Moments for Parents
14:42 to 15:05
Discussion on the responsibilities of parents in educating their children about the world and societal dynamics.
“It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks.”
Father Yourself First: Understanding the Concept
15:05 to 24:52
Explore the meaning of 'father yourself first' and its implications in parenting.
“So let's talk about this phrase, father yourself, first.”
Father Yourself First: Understanding the Concept
25:31 to 25:53
Explore the meaning of 'father yourself first' and its implications in parenting.
“As people get older, much like their music tastes, their health needs change.”
Show all 14 chapters
The Importance of Parenting and Mentorship
25:58 to 28:04
Discuss the critical role of parents and the value of mentorship in breaking negative patterns.
“One of the things we were talking about on the break, and I loved about this book, is the importance of the role of the parent.”
The Importance of Mentorship in Parenting
28:04 to 31:19
Learn how mentorship influences personal growth and parenting effectiveness.
“And so he's teaching me different things about communication and life that I don't even think about.”
The Realities of Parenting Challenges
31:20 to 33:50
Explore humorous and challenging moments in parenting amidst wildlife encounters.
“You have a manager at work, all that stuff.”
Key Takeaways from 'Father Yourself First'
33:51 to 35:18
Discover the core messages of Glenn Henry's book and its impact on readers.
“I'm like, I've seen that with those mean teeth.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college pc.
0:30Amy Wilson:Today's interview with Glenn Henry involves discussions of child abuse and suicidal ideation. Please be warned if those topics are difficult for you. Enjoy this excellent conversation with Glenn Henry. Hello and welcome to Fresh Take from What Fresh Hell? Laughing in the Face of Motherhood. This is Margaret. And this is Amy. Today we're talking to Glenn Henry. He is the creative force behind the beloved YouTube channel, Belief in Fatherhood, where he champions positive parenting and redefines what modern fatherhood looks like. Beyond YouTube, Glenn connects with audiences through social media, workshops, and speaking engagements, encouraging dads to show up with love, purpose, and presence.
1:14Glenn has become a leading advocate for strong families and meaningful father-child relationships. Today, we'll be discussing his new book, Father Yourself First. Welcome, Glenn. Thank you so much for having me.
1:27Amy Wilson:So the first chapter of your book is called I Never Wanted to Be a Father. Yeah. So start there and talk to us. It's so interesting that now you have a book about fathering, a social presence all about fathering. So take us to why that is the title of your first chapter. So I grew up in Baltimore, Maryland with a single mother. My mother lived by herself with me and my little brother. And then my father lived in California across the country. And one thing I got for sure was that being a parent was inconvenient. There was just so much that had to go into communicating with the child's father or mother.
2:05I had to keep quiet. I had to stay in the child's place. It just didn't seem like I belonged in the house. I was just something to tolerate. And I got that message early. But once I started to get a little bit older in that teenage area, my friends started having kids. and it was like the death sentence. You know what I mean? Like, oh my gosh, you're going to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life. You're going to have this kid. Your life is over. You suck. Ha ha. But let me know if you need anything. And so once we got to that point, I kind of just was like, yeah, I'm not doing that.
2:36That's stupid. Why would I give my life away? Until I saw proof of good fatherhood. Another man let me inside his house. He was a youth pastor at a church and almost one of the youth leaders. And he just allowed me to come over and hang out. He had five daughters. And I expected such a different home than what I experienced. I saw harmony. Everyone seemed like they belonged. There was like a comfort and no one was like out of order, you know? And I'm not trying to say that they weren't misbehaving, but even their misbehavior was allowed. And I just felt that, oh, I could do that. Like I could create that space and actually want that space for me.
3:15And so that was the first time I was like, OK, I think I can do this. I saw another social media content creator recently talk about what it is like to be a living room parent when you grew up as a bedroom child. And what she was talking about was how when you grew up feeling that the only place that you could really be safe to be who you were was in your own room. And then to be parenting differently and have kids who can be who they are all over your whole house and be living room kids is kind of a strange experience as a parent, but also deeply rewarding because you're creating just what you were saying, that space where everybody can be who they are.
3:52Yeah. My wife and I both are bedroom kids with living room kids. They love to be around us. They love to be in the same room for now. You know, I know things kind of change when they get a little older, but we often are trying to be like, OK, well, can you guys go or are you guys going to just sit here?
4:09Amy Wilson:I mean, we could use a couple of minutes of bedroom. We don't want you to live there, but you could visit. There is a point where sometimes my wife and I will just sit and be talking and doing our podcast and our daughter will just sit down, just watch us. You know, I think the issue in my mind is that I've never experienced that type of desire. So I have a hard time figuring out what to do with it. You know what I mean? I'm like, would you like something? Are you hungry? What do you need? And she's like, no, I just want to sit here and watch. And that right there, that's a beautiful thing that I didn't really get to see that.
4:43But here's why this is important. We are proving to her what it looks like to walk out difficult seasons, to have hard conversations. She gets a front row view of that. But the challenge I say in the book is that there's power in proof. So if we want to see lives change, if we want to see marriages change, if we want to see family restored and kids be accepted for who they are, you kind of got to show that you're going to have to allow people in your home. You're going to have to allow people from your neighborhood in your home. I'm not saying you got to start a YouTube channel, you know, be popping on social media, but there is a level of uncomfortability that you are going to have to walk out.
5:20And I see a lot of pastors talk a lot from a stage or pulpit, but I don't know how they actively live out those truths that they speak on. So it's really hard to imagine, even if I look at Jesus, the disciples were able to walk with him. They saw what life looked like. They saw how the ungodly was treated. They saw how the Pharisees were treated. They saw it. So they knew what to do. And so what we get is this very polished, clean look at what we hope you think it looks like. not what it actually is. And so I refuse to let another generation walk into fatherhood that blind without knowing the truth about, dang, fatherhood really does change you.
6:01It changes everything about who you are, your whole DNA. And so I wanted to shed that light. And so that was the point of making the YouTube channel and a lot of the processes I've talked about in the book.
6:09Amy Wilson:I've heard an expression a lot and it is preach the gospel, use words if absolutely necessary. And it's like, that's kind of what you're getting at, right? Like you're preaching fatherhood to a certain degree, but anybody can say anything about being a parent. We have a podcast. We say a lot about being a parent, but you talk about the need for community and mentorship because it's what you see happening versus anybody can tell you, you know, kids in France, they eat everything because, and they stay up till midnight. They never complain about food. It's like that doesn't really apply to the life that I happen to be living in my house.
6:47Amy Wilson:I want to see what's happening, how people are executing this role, because it's more complicated than just saying the words. You're preaching anyway, whether you speak or not. Everything you do, you're preaching it, right? You are showing proof of what you believe. This was kind of brought to a head when George Floyd died. George Floyd was murdered in 2020. So when that happened, my wife and I had a really tough decision. Our son, I remember when I was eight, I would always wave at the police. And then when I turned eight, they stopped waving back. Eventually, I started to look a little bit grown or like somebody that would be a problem.
7:22And so I remember that. And my son was around this age, around this time in 2020. And I was like, uh-oh, I think we're going to have to have this conversation telling him like, all police aren't necessarily good, even though that's what you have been taught. So I had to teach my son that. watching his bubble burst, watching his innocence be lifted away from him and him just realize that, oh, just because he looks a certain way, certain people are going to see him differently. And that's not his fault. That was a hard thing to navigate. And it was tough. It was stupid to record, but I did record it.
7:53So a lot of people chastised me for having that conversation. They told me I was, you know, a bad father, da, da, da, da, da, and whatever. And then about a year later, my sons my daughter was at the playground with the nanny our nanny's white there was another family who was white at the park and the little kids started screaming the black kids are coming the black kids are coming they're bad they're bad those are the bad guys right so my nanny freaks out and confronts the mother like what's going on here and the mother was like no he just he was learning about black history and i think he just got confused she's like what part of black history is that?
8:28You know what I'm saying?
8:29Amy Wilson:I don't remember that chapter. Yeah. And so turns out we had to have a conversation with everybody, the whole family and just say, hey, like, how do you guys feel what happened? And they were able to regurgitate what I said to them about who they were a while ago. Like, oh, it's just like that conversation you had when you said some people will see black people and they don't think we're good. It was hard to have that conversation. But then I had to reaffirm what he believed about white people so that I made sure that he didn't think all white people were bad. That type of conversation in a black house is foundational.
8:59We've all had it. We all had that conversation. And so I think that's the type of hard stuff we have to navigate. We have to teach our children about race. We have to be the first ones. We have to teach our children about sex, about being groomed. We have to be the first line of communication. Otherwise, we end up losing relational equity. I remember watching that video, Glenn, and it's not your job to educate white people about the things that we don't understand. But I learned a lot from that video. I mean, I remember a lot of things I learned in 2020 that I didn't get conversations Black parents were having in their house that it had never occurred to me.
9:35And was there sort of a changing point? You had already had a large social media presence. Did you feel an obligation both to help people see maybe who weren't Black, like this is how it is, and also to protect your own family? What was that like for you that moment? It was a little weird, man. 2020 was so weird because it was like, this is where we're going to make sure people understand who we are, blah, blah. And I just felt kind of icky. And so once I started to put myself out there, I realized that I was everybody's black friend. Like it was only like 10 of us and they're like, yo, we're going to put you on stage.
10:10We're going to have a conversation. I'm like, man, don't deploy my blackness without protecting it. So I kind of got quiet and I pulled back a lot because while all that's happening outside in the world and we're fighting. My relationship with my children is getting icky tough because I'm filming everything. And so my oldest is like, man, I don't really want to be on camera anymore. And so then I'm having another conversation in my home, trying to protect my family from the world and protect my children from my ambition. It was weird.
10:37Amy Wilson:We were lucky enough to have Dr. Ibram Kendi on the podcast and he made the point, which it hadn't even necessarily occurred to me in this way before that these conversations are happening in Black families and that if they're not happening in white families, you're having the problem that led to that playground that like, well, we just sort of believe that we understand these things and we're good people in some fundamental way, but that if we as parents are not all dialing into these conversations. And this is with everything, as you said, about grooming and other things. These conversations are difficult, but if we skip them, someone will be having these conversations with our kids.
11:20Yes.
11:21Amy Wilson:It's better if it's you. Yeah. Yeah. You've given over permission to tell you to influence your child because you decided not to have a conversation. You gave up ground. I think one of the coolest things that I've seen is watching my children watch me vote and then tell them that we don't judge people for how they vote. Watching how we interact with the unhoused community. Or I teach my children, we don't judge people for who they love. We have these miraculous moments in my house where we allow them to think and we help them process. And that is so cool to be a part of. We're talking to Glenn Henry and his new book is called Father Yourself First.
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15:05Amy Wilson:So let's talk about this phrase, father yourself, first. What does the phrase mean and why is it the title of your book? I realized that at some point I was so involved in being this parent by discovering what it's like to be a stay-at-home father, which was a whole nother conversation. But I realized, man, I am a very intentional focus to father. Like I'm very focused. And there was a moment where my therapist was like, I was talking to him and I was frustrated about something with myself. And he was like, how come you don't give yourself as much grace as you give your children? He goes, don't you think you deserve that same grace?
15:45I was like, yeah, man, but you know. He's like, no, I don't know. Like, why are you better to your kids than you are to yourself? And I was like, oh. And I started to like kind of ponder with this thought and play with it. And I realized that in therapy, there's always comes a moment where you realize nobody's coming. Like you are the person in the reinforcements you need.
16:03Amy Wilson:I hate that feeling. I've said it so many times. I'm like, where is the person who's coming to fix this? Yes. Sadly, it's me. It's me. I realized that I was waiting for my dad to be involved at this point. You know what I'm saying? Or like my mom to like stop being mean or to grow up. And I realized that they weren't raised. They never applied the same lessons to themselves as they tried to teach me. At some point I was just like, okay, I need to be the father I need. I need to change my inner voice from my mother's voice to my therapist's voice. I need to change my inner voice from my father's voice to my wife's voice.
16:41Like I need to start to reconstruct this inner voice and be kinder to myself than I have been. Because what happens is, I don't know if we realize it, but as parents, our children get older and they become adults. And then we stop treating them like kids and we start manipulating and getting frustrated and throwing tantrums as older adults because we're not able to have our way with them. So we never really grow up. We just manage our immaturity until we can start lashing out again.
17:08Amy Wilson:That's that household you were talking about in the beginning, right? Yeah. Just getting through this torture, basically. Yeah, just getting through it. But now you're seeing a lot of families and a lot of grown adults not talking to their parents anymore because they're just kind of like, dude, I'm over you. And I don't want to be that type of person. So it's like, OK, let's be mature. Let's address all the issues you have. Let's let your daughter sit and watch you figure it out. Let's have the hard conversations, not only with your children, but with yourself and say, why are you insecure about this?
17:36Why does your wife having so many friends? Why does that bother you? What does that say about who you are? Like what is the issue there? And so sometimes I'm like, yeah, I have an abandonment issue. Why do you have a abandonment issue? Because my dad wasn't in the home with me. Okay, well, why is that bothering you today? Like what's the issue there? Do you believe that your wife is going to leave you? No, I don't. I just don't know what else to do. So I get insecure about it. And I say things and it's like, no, you don't have to say that. Find your friends. There are other things for us to do as men.
18:04And I talk about how we build a men's community in the last part of the book, chapter 12, right? These are my people. And I talk about how to build a community. But there are a lot of things that kind of pop up out of nowhere in fatherhood. And you're just kind of like, oh, my gosh, I have immaturity in me. There was one point my dad was hanging out over here and he was talking to me and just confiding in me. And I was starting to look at him and I was like, oh, my God, I'm jealous of you. I'm jealous that you have me in a way I never had you. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is like immaturity.
18:35So I'm trying to figure that out. And I love having my dad around. It's definitely cool. But there was something about it where I was starting to like be upset because I still need help. I'm still trying to figure out regular basic things. And I shouldn't be doing that. I feel like I should be set up better. What I've always loved about your videos, you know, your busy family getting ready in the morning and the little one doesn't want to get in the car seat or whatever, is you always seem to me to have vast reserves of patience that come from a great sense of humor, but also a deep understanding of like, this is who this one is.
19:08This is what this one needs. And this is one that one needs. I'm going to be a safe space for what they need right now in a way that's like hilarious. But also, I really admire it. And so what I see from the outside is like, wow, you really are. You can give the person sitting opposite you, your parent or your child, exactly what you need, which is something a lot of us would like to be able to do better. Yeah. And one thing I noticed about that is I'm a patient father, but that doesn't mean I'm a patient husband. Doesn't mean I'm a patient employer. Doesn't mean I'm patient anywhere else. these attributes of fatherhood, like these things that work well in my home can spread out in my humanity.
19:44Like the rest of the world can benefit from what I'm learning from my children. I don't have to be so reserved when I step outside because the world is cold. No, I can be a father everywhere. I'm not saying that I need to raise everybody, but I do have that authority and that comfort and that safety that a lot of people need. And I didn't really realize that. And so So opening your home is going to be helpful for other people too, because some people just need that safe haven and be reminded that things can be different.
Read the full transcript
20:11Amy Wilson:I want to talk a little bit more about that things can be different. I feel like one of the number one questions we get from our audience is, I was raised in a dysfunctional home. I was raised in a home where there wasn't a lot of love, where there might've been abuse, where I didn't feel a connection to my own parents. And that has led me to feel incapable now that I am a parent. Certain people were handed a toolbox by their parents. Mine was empty when I got it. And it makes me feel afraid, unworthy, incapable. These are a lot of people, probably mostly moms, who all they want is to be good parents.
20:51Amy Wilson:But they're so frightened or intimidated by this empty toolbox in their hands that they feel is empty. And so talk to those people about your journey and your experience. We've touched on some parts of it. To people who don't feel like they have those tools, where does it come from? My little mantra I say to myself is, you know, you don't have to be what you had. That is like so good for me to just remind myself because I was hit a lot as a kid. You know, I was a punching bag. What's so interesting about that is the way that I was hit led me to my first true prayer to God, which was kill me or kill her.
21:30Make up your mind. Why would you put me in a house like this? At nine years old, that was my prayer. And so you have suicidal ideation, these thoughts that are massaged into a child. You grow up always knowing in the back of your mind that's an option. And it's so interesting now that I am a father and I display fatherhood in a certain way that makes people think, oh, I can be a parent. So what the enemy had said, OK, you're going to be struggling with this ideation for the rest of your life. I am now a proponent for more life. And so just that ministers to me, just that ministers to me. I like remind myself of that when the anger pops up, because how it's supposed to go is I'm supposed to abuse my children like I was hit.
22:13That's how it's supposed to go. And I remind myself that one parenting is the opportunity of the lifetime. It is the most impactful role you will ever play because it will ripple throughout time. I'm not saying it's the most important. I think marriage is the most important role you play, but it's the most impactful role. So if you think about it, you have the opportunity of a lifetime to set a ripple into place that will go throughout time. You get to collaborate with God on his workmanship. You get to collaborate with God on his masterpiece. And then that masterpiece changes you. We're not talking about what you're capable of.
22:45We're talking about what God is capable of through you. When we think of it, I wasn't set up. I didn't have this. None of us are set up. David wasn't set up. Anybody in the Bible wasn't set up. All the ones that made it were like the ragtag, you know what I mean? Like one-offs. So I'm like, yo, I understand that is what you're choosing to believe right now, but that is not the truth. I think your experience with your situation gives you a better outlook at how you engage with your children because you are sensitive to where the problems lie. So I almost think that when you grow up with the perfect family and perfect father and perfect mother, it seemed like it would be harder because you don't really know the work that went into it.
23:27But there takes a level of work to control my anger, to have patience, to think about, man, this is so interesting. Like, I didn't even know one of my children is on the autism spectrum. I didn't know. I was like, man, that dude is tripping. You know what I'm saying? I'm having a hard time. My wife is like, no, babe, something's off here. We need to figure this out. I'm not saying something's wrong with him, but he's wired differently. So we need to figure this stuff out. And so I was kind of like, nah, we're good. He's hugging me all the time. He has a sensory processing issue. Like I'm trying to figure out and I don't like to be touched that much.
23:58And so I have to love him differently than I do. The other children is just such good work. Parenting is good work. It's hard to say, OK, well, here's what you should do if you think like that, because I think each individual has a different belief when they start to say those things to themselves. and those thoughts and stuff are kind of massaged into their mind. And I think we should talk about the original issue. What's the issue? Were you abused? Was it something that you just didn't feel like you were accepted? And why do you think you're going to do that to your children? Like, what about your life tells you that that's who you are?
24:29Another thing is forgiving your parents for what they have done. And that's the hardest part because I do feel like it kind of lives with us a little bit. And we think, oh, well, they're the standard or they're not the standard. So I'm going to just be better than them and I'm going to do it despite them. And it's like, the work is not against them. It's for you. There's so much growth and love and opportunity in parenting. And I'm just, I can't believe it. It hasn't been talked about this much. We're talking to Glenn Henry. His new book is called Father Yourself First. More after this. Introducing Taco Bell's new jalapeno citrus salsa with bright citrus, real red jalapenos, guajillo chiles.
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25:58Amy Wilson:One of the things we were talking about on the break, and I loved about this book, is the importance of the role of the parent. And it's something that we talk a lot about as women. It's often dismissed work. You can feel that feeling of, oh, you're just a mom. Or the amount of work we put in, like baking the cake at Christmas or setting up the train set that like, oh, that's silly women's work that doesn't matter. And one of the things we talk a lot on the podcast is like, this is actually the most important work that happens in the world. Forming new humans, helping guide them. And one of the things that you talk about, and I was thinking as you were talking about your childhood, this idea of mentorship and men coming together.
26:43Amy Wilson:I have a person in my life who was raised in a very, very difficult situation. He sometimes watches me with my kids and will say, your kids are so well behaved and you've never hit them. Like it is out of his worldview that you would be able to discipline or have behaving children without any physical violence. And I think that the idea and the way that you express, you say your living room is your greatest stage. Talk a little bit about how you mentor other people and how you've sought out mentorship, because that seems to be an important part of this formula that we're about breaking patterns.
27:24Yeah. There's an African proverb and it's each one teach one. Basically, it's about like, if you know something, then share it with the ones coming after you. And that was kind of the main thing for Pat Lynch when he led me into his home, the pastor. He gave me so much grace and so much understanding. He would say things to me. And I'd be like, man, how'd you get her to listen to you? You're five daughters, seven daughters now. And he goes, well, you got to understand there's a difference between a command and a D-man. And I'm like, what? He's Like when you ask somebody to do something out of a place of love, they know and trust is for their benefit and the benefit of the family.
27:57When you demand someone to do something, it is more of a request that comes with a consequence. And so he's teaching me different things about communication and life that I don't even think about. For instance, when I tell the children, like right now, they came downstairs, they were loud. We had to pause the podcast for a second. And the conversation after this is like, hey, so I noticed you guys were loud during the podcast. That's totally fine. It's the house. But is this who we are becoming? Like I asked you guys to be quiet. Is this who you want to become? Someone I can't trust and I got to put you in your room while I'm doing a podcast.
28:30The question is like, who do you want to become? Not why are you behaving like this? And the question for me is why am I getting frustrated about something that's natural? And is this really a bother, you know, in the podcast? Like we have to weigh all those things together. But the question for me to ask them is like, OK, well, who are you becoming? And so when I think about that, I think about mentorship. You don't need a perfect mentor. You just need someone further along than you are who you might have to pass in order to become who you're becoming. So you want to find good fathers, good mothers.
29:01You want to find good wives, good husbands, good employers, good CEOs, good whatever. You want to find people who are doing the work and you want to ask them about their discipline and their habits. so you can understand how they make the decisions they make. And seeing that 10 steps ahead of you, two, five, six years ahead of you or whatever, is really important. And so I would challenge us to find or open the door for those people who are in our lives, who are younger than us or coming from where we come from and give them access to our lives. Every Saturday morning, I meet with a group of black men free on Zoom, just 7 a.m.
29:37PST, black men, we meet up and I give them a safe place to fall apart. safe place to land. We talk about whatever. We talk offline. So if someone's having an emergency, they can call me. Every first Saturday of the month, we meet with couples and we mentor couples. We have five couples that we mentor on Saturday mornings and we have other couples wanting to mentor other couples. So I think having a mentor couple, having fathers in your life, mothers in your life, it's really important. I do believe Yvette and I would have gotten a divorce if it wasn't for her mentor, 100%. Because there was a point where my wife couldn't see me.
30:12She couldn't see me. She couldn't see us. I was able to notice when my ambition was getting away from me and causing a problem in our relationship, but she couldn't see it for her. And so I was trying to explain to her how well I wasn't doing and how I was ready to leave. And this was recently, this was the beginning of 2024. She got a mentor in her life that just told her the truth. You know what I'm saying? I was like, babe, what could I have said to you to get you to understand what was happening? Because I was trying to be as gracious. She was like, I don't think you could have said anything.
30:45She's like, I just wasn't there. I needed to hear from another woman. That hurt me, right? So that brings up my insecurity because I feel like I'm not enough or I can't communicate to my wife. I praise God for the fact that she had that person in her life to just say, hey, you're tripping. You are off and you We need to adjust this immediately. She told her something that she didn't want to hear. The decision seemed like it was a bad decision until we realized, oh, we made a really good decision for our family. So I don't know how to convince you that mentors are the way to go. But I would just say that community is extremely important and we all need a coach.
31:18You have a coach for basketball or any sport you're playing. You have a manager at work, all that stuff. You need somebody in your life to help you with these really interesting and important roles you play. father, mother, wife, husband. And who is a little bit differently than a therapist, it seems to me, willing to call you out sometimes or tell you what you need to hear. Cut through it, right? It wasn't just that this is all about your self-growth. It's about you don't see this, and I'm going to tell you. Yeah, like a therapist will be like, well, why do you think that is going to happen if it's never happened before?
31:47A mentor will be like, that was dumb. You know what I'm saying? And they've been so much time and money.
31:51Amy Wilson:It could cut to the chase a little bit more. So tell us, you've been giving us a lot of amazing advice from this wise place. I want to know what's going crazy in your house, where it's gone off the rails, because a lot of this stuff you do is a lot of humor. We've been having a more serious conversation, but tell us a little bit about the moments where it's all gone wrong and you're like, forget the book. I don't know what the heck I'm talking about. You know, like some Disney movies, it seems like there's a princess and then like birds and like squirrels are like talking to her and like doing their dishes.
32:25Amy Wilson:I want those squirrels. We have the opposite of that where there are like scorpions in our house. There are snakes coming up at our front door. Rattlesnake I just had to remove. Toads, frogs, all types of wildlife, coyotes. But not the good kind. Not cute. Not the good kind. Try not to judge God's creatures, but there's a difference between a beautiful, loving dish doing squirrel and a scorpion. Yeah. Yeah. And like they are in the house. I don't know how they're getting in here. And so that is kind of like my biggest plight right now. It's kind of like I keep calling pest control. I keep trying to figure this out.
33:01And it's just like I can't get I can't get the hang of it. So another thing about being a parent is like the roles never end. I watch my wife. She's giving a lot of affection. And then, you know, all of a sudden she's teaching and then she's a nurse and then she's driving and then she's cooking. And because I shared those roles with her, I do all those things as well. But exterminator, we both have to play that. If I'm not here, she has to get whatever bug is in the house, out of the house, and the whole house is screaming, the dog's barking. It's a mess.
33:32Amy Wilson:I am all for gender equality, but I call my husband when there's a bug in the house. I'm not going to lie. I'm equal in every way except for when the cat brings in a half-dead bird. Then he's got to come home from work. Yeah, there are certain animals I'm out. You know what I mean? Like most are cool. I had a raccoon raise up on me, like stand and start walking toward me. I'm like, I've seen that with those mean teeth. Yeah, this is where I draw the line right here. Yeah, you're like, this is my limit. If you were looking for it, this is it. Rabid raccoon. Everybody run. Right. Everyone outrun me because I'm gone.
34:04Kids, good luck with the raccoon because I'm going. Exactly. Glenn, can you tell us what you want your readers, male and female, to take away from this book? Yeah, I hope that you can be kind to yourself. You can be as gentle as your father was or should have been to you. You can retrain your inner voice to be loving, caring, supportive, and then put people around you who also support that. That's what I hope that people get from the book, as well as the process and the importance of Black life and showing that, as well as the taking and going on adventures with your family.
34:42Amy Wilson:Oh, I loved that part. We didn't get to it, but there's a beautiful part about what an adventure does for a family that really lit me up. Right. And so every time there's a rattlesnake or a scorpion, that's kind of a little bit of an adventure, you know, and we're able to recall that. There's so much that has happened since I wrote the book that I'm just like, man, I wish I could add another chapter just real quick. But there's a lot in there and I'm hoping that people can just really take for themselves and just really be kind for themselves. I have a feeling we're going to be reading more books from you in the future because this one was really great.
35:17Thank you.
35:17Amy Wilson:And it reminds me, it's the expression, light someone's candle, change the world. It's like you're just giving people something and then they're going to give it to other people. It really moved me, this book. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Glenn Henry's new book is called Father Yourself First. We'll put the link in the show notes so you can buy the book. You can buy the book wherever you get books. Glenn, tell our listeners about your YouTube channel, Instagram, everywhere they can find you. So black men out there, if you have a desire to meet, you're going to fall apart. You got some things to say.
35:48You don't know what to say. You don't know how to say it. Saturday mornings, we meet every Saturday morning, 7 a.m. on Zoom. Hit me up on Instagram, B-E-L-E-A-F-M-E-L, Belief Mail on Instagram. And I'll give you the Zoom link. Belief in Fatherhood on YouTube. Belief in Family on TikTok. Just telling good stories. You know, I think the world needs good stories of black life. And that's you can't reason with the sun. Trust us. We've tried this summer. It's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Columbia's OmniShade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin.
36:24The sun is relentless, but so is our gear. Level up your summer at Columbia.com to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome. Columbia. Engineered for whatever. All I'm trying to do.
36:41Amy Wilson:Glenn, thanks so much for talking to us today. This was an awesome conversation. Thank you. I appreciate you guys. Thanks, Glenn.
From the publisher
Trigger warning: this episode contains mention of child abuse and suicidal ideation.
Amy and Margaret talk with Glen Henry—creator of Beleaf in Fatherhood and author of the new book Father Yourself First—about breaking cycles, reimagining fatherhood, and learning to parent with intention, grace, and community. Glen shares his journey from growing up in a difficult household to becoming a present, emotionally attuned father, and how mentorship, open communication, and self-work helped reshape his parenting.
They discuss navigating hard conversations with children about race and safety, deconstructing the voices we’ve internalized from our own parents, and why parents must learn to “father themselves first.” Glen also explores the importance of modeling real family life, finding mentors, building community, and creating an inner voice rooted in compassion instead of fear or old wounds.
This moving conversation is especially powerful for parents who didn’t grow up with healthy models and are working to create something new for their own families.
Here's where you can find Glen:
@beleafmel on Instagram
@beleafinfatherhood on YT
@beleafinfatherhood on TikTok
Buy FATHER YOURSELF FIRST: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781400252558
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