Little-Known Parenting Milestones

23:36Amy Wilson:I have a child who's six feet tall and I don't carry him around anymore. Were you ever a sling wearer? Did you ever do any of that? I was a sling wearer only by necessity. So when I went to the grocery store, I had someone take a picture of me once. I had the baby in the sling and then the double stroller with the two kids in the stroller. And then I would throw the groceries underneath because I couldn't have a bag. And this woman took a picture of me. She was like, this is insane. I have to take a picture. That was it. Number three was when I started wearing the baby. And then I was like, where's this been?

24:08I thought I was getting away with something like the baby thinks I'm holding them. And yet my hands are free. I thought it was a glorious thing. And I didn't figure it out until number three.

24:17Amy Wilson:As an older mom, my back did not find it that glorious, I have to say. But what depends on how big the baby is? That's true. It was a big old baby. They were all big babies. I'm Irish. I had giant babies. big heads. Yeah. Now, Jessica gives us the slight downside. Independent showers getting themselves up for an alarm and dress for school, packing their own lunch. But that comes with new attitudes and opinions. So the grass is always greener. And I acknowledge this point. Yeah. Are all milestones positive? Perhaps not. No, they're not. I mean, I don't want to say like the minute you don't have a four week old baby, it's all great.

24:53Amy Wilson:Like you do have to deal with a little bit more door slamming and you will hear the phrase, I know 6 ,000 times about things they definitely don't know. Yeah. Or if they do know, here's a tip. If you do know, go ahead and do it. How about that? Right. I don't know. What makes me think you don't know? The fact you didn't do it. Right. As I like to say, like, yes, I am telling you this over and over again. And I wonder why you think you are the one who should be mad about that. When there's one way to fix this. speaking. Not amazing, guys. Yeah, not amazing. This is such a big one. It's from an anonymous member.

25:28Amy Wilson:When they are old enough to stay home by themselves while sick and you don't have to call out of work. Yeah. And I mean, we've talked about this on the podcast, but it doesn't get enough attention how challenging working with kids is. I mean, it just you have a constant, which is work, and then a variable, which is your children. And you cannot always reconcile both of them at the same time. Well, how are the kids variables just and sometimes they have to be around? Every day it's different with them. Like work is like you show up nine to five and then kids are like, my play is on Wednesday. I'm going to be sick on Thursday.

26:02Amy Wilson:And by the way, there's going to be a lice outbreak two weeks from now. Right, right, right. And so I still think that in most workplaces, keeping your children invisible is important. And so the stress of, I have a meeting at 4 p.m., my husband is overseas on a business trip, and if things go wrong at 4 p.m., I'm going to lose my job. Like, it's very, very stressful. I think the sort of societal goodwill that we all had during the pandemic, like, okay, here's my cat, here's my baby, here's my eight-year-old doing his homework next to me. This is going great. Part of memory holing that whole experience is now we're back to pretending that we don't have our houses around us in the background of our Zooms, let alone children.

26:51Have you read the book Careless People? I don't think so.

26:54Amy Wilson:About Facebook? It's very fascinating. But it's interesting because Sheryl Sandberg wrote the whole like lean in. And then this woman's experience is very much like we heard a baby in the background of one of your Zoom calls and like you're being called into HR and like you didn't show up for work on this day and she was like literally in a coma after having a baby you know so i do think that we give a lot of lip service to like of course women should work and women should have this and that and the other thing but not really yeah just don't let me see it yeah i mean my husband worked from home for a while and once was reprimanded because a child could be hurt somewhere in the house and it's like wow i don't know what to tell you i have children.

27:36Amy Wilson:Like they're not in the background talking to the CEO behind my shoulder being obnoxious. It's not my cat, you know? Right. I'll rant for another day, Amy. Let's go back to a good one. This is a great day. The day that your kids can swim and you don't have to be in the pool with them or holding them. It might have been the best day of my life. What a day indeed. Followed by like five or six years of mom, watch me, mom, watch me. But I mean, no problem with that. Here I am in the chair. I'm watching. You're out of the frying pan into the fire, but the fire is cooler than the frying pan because like mom, watch me, mom, watch me.

28:09Amy Wilson:And then there's sometimes like, can you come in and throw me? Why don't you just come in? And I'm like, you have two siblings and two friends with you. Right. But yeah, this is definitely a great one, especially because kids tolerance for cold water and my tolerance for cold water, very poorly matched. One year, one of my kids told me that my New Year's resolution should be to go on the water and go all the way in. In other words, get my hair under. They had like never seen me do that. Your daughter said that on the podcast. We did what New Year's resolution should our parents have? Your daughter's resolution for you was you should get in the pool and put your head all the way under.

28:48Amy Wilson:I don't think it paid out for her. I'm sorry. Still waiting on that one. Yeah. Oh, and categories. That's the next thing you had to do. We would play a game like your favorite ice cream flavor. The kids would line up on the side of the pool and they'd be like chocolate and jump in one at a time and somebody who's a grown up on duty to like come up with the category and really how many categories are there judge the swimming race like they're not going to leave you alone for years no and then one day they're like literally never speak to me don't make eye contact with me the other day we were driving home and i saw a good friend of one of my children and i leaned out the window and I said, hi, child's name.

29:27Amy Wilson:And they said, hi. And I was sat down that night and very sternly told that I had humiliated this child by acknowledging a peer. I mean, it was said kindly. I mean, not kindly, but I mean, it was said very seriously, like, hey, can I ask you a favor? That was really embarrassing when you did that. Please don't do it again. That's when you know they really mean it. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't reactive, like, oh, my gosh, don't do this. It was hours later. And it was like, hey, you know how like Beverly Hills Housewife was like, hey, can we chat, Amy? That thing that you said, it was kind of that vibe.

30:02Amy Wilson:Like, hey, can we have a quick sit down? Don't ever acknowledge that you know me in public again, please. Wow. Yeah. Rough break. Milestone. That's another milestone. Flip side of that. Teenagers, you can send, Elizabeth says, your kid into a store or restaurant to pick up the item so you don't have to park. Oh, yeah. Now, Elizabeth has certain kinds of teenagers that talk to other humans on demand. This is something that my teenagers are extremely resistant to. I do make them do it, but the idea that they would have to walk into a restaurant and be like, order for Abel, say those three words to another human being's face is anathema.

30:39Amy Wilson:I mean, it's like I asked them to strip nude and do a dance in the middle of the restaurant. I mean, in what world would I do that? It does happen. But it's very motivating. Well, Elizabeth says it's the incentive for her teen is Starbucks, but the teen has to go in and get it. So, yeah, this would be my teenager is very happy to go in and order the complicated beverage that they want. And then one for me. All right. That's right. Elizabeth put a little bribe in there. Yeah. Yeah. Because I was like, I'm not familiar with the kind of teen who's happy to run into the store for you. I mean, in New York City, again, like I can circle the block for half an hour looking for a parking spot or you can go in and get it.

31:13It tends to force the issue nicely. Our next category, super interesting. We'll be right back. My favorite skincare products actually feel more like self-care, like they're so nice to put on and they smell so good that I'm actually happy when I get to that part of my day. And I swear that is how I feel about Osea's anti-aging body balm.

31:34Amy Wilson:Amy, you are usually the lotions and potions queen on this podcast, but I have to say hard agree. Osea's anti-aging body balm is a liquid silk body balm that combines the lasting hydration of a lotion with the firming power of a serum, leaving skin smoother and firmer. This body balm is clinically tested and designed to deliver visible results you can see and feel. So we've gotten to use this product for a couple of months now, and I swear I have really noticed firmer and smoother skin like on the back of my hands. It's like getting a mini spa treatment from head to toe. Get a spring worthy glow with clean, clinically tested skincare from Osea.

32:11And right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10 % off your first order site-wide with code fresh at oseamalibu.com. That's 10 %

32:22Amy Wilson:off your first order with code fresh at O-S-E-A malibu.com. Amy, when I'm having a good hair day, it usually makes my whole day better. And that's why on every day, I'm taking Nutrafol. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. And it's the number one hair growth supplement brand personally used by dermatologists. Nutrafol's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed, NSF certified for sport and clinically tested. Nutrafol offers multiple formulas for men and women tailored to different life stages and lifestyle factors. So you get support that's actually right for you.

33:01Amy Wilson:Adding Nutrafol to your daily routine is easy. Order online, no prescription needed, with automated deliveries and free shipping to keep you on track. Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair in three to six months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners$10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code LAUGHING. That's Nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com, promo code laughing.

33:40Amy Wilson:You know it's a new year? No. It's a new year. Okay, so in the new year we make goals, like resolutions, and we try to be better at things. What do you think mom needs to get better at this year? Let me play more video games. Okay, how many hours of video games should I let you play every single day? One. I already let you play one. Two. How can I be a better mom this year? You need to give us freedom to do stuff. Like what kind of stuff? We need to be able to stay up until midnight. What could mommy do to be a better mommy? Get whatever we want. What do you want? Puppy. So your goal for the new year is that I should get you whatever you want and what you want is a puppy.

34:25Amy Wilson:Yeah. I have a feeling you're going to be a little disappointed in the new year. How can I be a better mom this year? Allow unlimited Xbox. What should mommy try to do better in the new year? Legos. I should get better at Legos? Why do I need to be better at Legos? Because you're really bad at them. Okay. And daddy's really good at them. Right. But he has to work a lot. So I need you to get better at them, please. Okay, so in 2017, my mom goal should be get good at Legos so I can help you build them. Yes. So what should my mom goal be for this year? Come in the pool more and go underwater all the way.

35:06Amy Wilson:So Emily says sledding, which your mileage may vary if you don't live in sledding country, but we do. My youngest can sled on her own now. I get to stand at the top of the hill and watch, but I don't have to trek back up because I rode down with her. I love going sledding, but my kids have endless energy to keep going. and after a dozen walks back up the hill, I'm exhausted. Getting to choose how often I went down was awesome. And I like this whole category because people might be listening and being like, but I love being in the pool with my kids, but I love cooking for my kids. What's great about it is you don't have to stop doing the things, but you can start to choose when and how often you want to do the things.

35:48Yeah, sledding in New York City is a crazy nightmare because of course it's like 300 people all like sledding on the same hill at the same time. 3 ,000 people. Yeah, and like it's like actively dangerous. Yeah. And you have to stand there the whole time being cold. Yeah, so miss me with sledding. But if I could be out in my own backyard or down the street with my kid, I can see this being awesome that they can do this and you just kind of one-eye supervise.

36:10Amy Wilson:We have a sledding hill in our backyard. Our backyard is a hill. And so I have to say, there's no describing how great it is. I mean, sledding. Now, you have to then be like, go get the sleds. you left them all at the bottom of the hill. It comes with some of its own problems again, but wow, do I not miss. I can literally feel my thighs burning as I remember the 86th trip up with three sleds in my hands trekking back up the hill. And like, spoiler alert, the kids never, never say that's enough sledding for me. I mean, they really, that's a phrase you're not going to hear. I'm all set. Thanks. I was petting my very needy cat this morning who I don't even like to pet, but she meows at me until I pet her.

36:54Amy Wilson:And I was scratching her and I was like, all right, I'll give scratch her. And I thought to myself, would there ever be a time where she looks up and is like, okay, I'm all set. Thanks. That scratching is done. Like I always have to walk away. And she kind of claws after me like, no, don't stop the scratching. Could I scratch her for five hours straight? I bet I could. Yes. Amy, we're not going to linger on this one because I know you don't like bodily fluids, but it was a popular answer. Barbara, Courtney, kids who can blow their own noses and vomit in a bucket. Yes. And I'm thinking like, what is it about young kids who just they don't know that there is a tell?

37:28Like you can tell when it's about to happen, but little kids don't know the tells yet. Is that why they just go?

37:34Amy Wilson:I so remember a night. I mean, I'll never forget this night as long as I live. My 18 month old, we were down in Florida visiting my parents. This kid threw up. And then it was just all night, eight hours of just suddenly puke would just start flying. It was like I was telling my husband, who I'm sure had gone home at this point. It was just like a fountain with no no sign at all. And then finally, after the fourth hour or so, I picked up that there was a tiny little like right beforehand. And I was like, OK, I think I figured it out. Like the tell. There's a tell. You can go to Vegas now. There's a tell.

38:13Exactly. I've got it. I figured it out. That's it. Like a baby doesn't even know there is a tell like a four-year-old seems to still not really know that there's a tell you know i'm saying it's not a physical ability to like reach the milk in the refrigerator like you can reach for a the nearest garbage can but somehow they don't know to do that until i don't remember was it eight was a 10 too late i feel like by five you've got a prayer with a lot

38:39Amy Wilson:of guidance but like 18 month old yeah no it's just a hose this is why one of our earliest rules us on the podcast, never bring a sick child into your bed. Yeah. They have to sleep on the floor, no matter how pathetic they look. Don't bring them in the bed. Barbara says it's a big day when your kid can make their own ponytail. I don't remember when that happened. I don't remember this being a big thing. I do remember that my daughter's hair, I was just talking about it because we were at her grandparents. I was looking at old pictures. Her hair as a baby was white, white blonde and the consistency of cotton candy.

39:15Amy Wilson:Like you put a brush in it and it just stayed there. And the only way to ever get it unknotted was to wash it and then just have a brushing session that was basically torture. But I couldn't not brush it because it would just end up, I would have had to shave her head at a certain point. She would have had locks at some point, yeah. And at some point, it just started growing in, I don't know, thicker or whatever. But I definitely, wow, those hair battles, I don't miss those. At some point, it switches from you care what their hair looks like to they care what their hair looks like. I think that's it.

39:49That's a good day. A good day. It's a good day for singing the blues. I'm still waiting for the day when they care what they wear to church or to grandma's house. I mean, that day is coming when they're 30, Amy. Just keep waiting.

40:04Amy Wilson:Yeah, 30, maybe. Yeah. I have finally remembered that whenever we travel, I'm like, shirt with a collar, something you could wear to church. Like, I can't remember where we were. It wasn't church, but it was like, oh, let's go out to this slightly nicer restaurant than McDonald's. And everybody was like, well, I got it. I got an old T-shirt with a hole in it and and pajama bottoms. I was like, yeah, OK, I guess we're not going. Kate says her big milestone is when the kids can play without you. She says today my kids completed a puzzle together for the first time ages three and five. impressed.

40:40Was it like a 24-piece puzzle? I mean, it sounds like smart kids. Yeah.

40:45Amy Wilson:And I do think just this is another one that you kind of have to back out of. And I think, you know, when you're used to being the cruise director, master of ceremonies with little kids, you can miss this cue, which I think I did. Like, okay, I don't have to go in the playroom and set up a wonderland. And my sister-in-law will post the episode, Christina Martin, who runs a progressive school for young kids would say, like, it's much better if you don't. Like, kids are better off with, like, sticks and mud and trying to build something by themselves than a toy that, like, they sit and watch it and it makes all the things.

41:22Amy Wilson:And so it doesn't mean there's a right and a wrong way to play, but letting your kids play together is great and trying to get out of their way is an instinct to follow. Yeah. And refereeing. I mean, this came late for me only because my two boys fought a lot. They were close in age and I really just couldn't leave them unsupervised. The scratching during dinner is exhibit A. So it wasn't that they were incapable of doing a 24-piece puzzle. It was that like they would come to blows. And so there was definitely a season where it just was easier for everybody involved. I wasn't playing with either one of them, but you're playing over here with this parallel play and you're playing over here with that.

42:01And that's how it was until probably five and seven.

42:04Amy Wilson:Oh yeah. Well, you know that my rule was if you want to fight, you have to go outside and play fight. I would just let them wail on each other on the, and then I'd be like, dinner time, who needs to go to the ER? Okay, come back in. Amy, this is when you've talked about skiing, being able to go down the hill by themselves without you. My three-year-old could do that the first day on the mountain, because I am not a skier. We started to ski the same day, and by noon on the first day, my three-year-old was surpassing me in ability, so. I think any cold outdoor activity that you don't have to participate in.

42:34I'm all for why. I would say the bigger day is the day that you don't have to lay out the outfits and put the boots on and you take the boots off and figure out where to put the wet mittens and all of that. I always found that like not only do I not enjoy the activity, but I have to oversee like stormtrooper level uniforms and components and stuff for everybody. So it's nice when they can do that themselves.

42:57Amy Wilson:I have a friend who talks about their dog at some point, like ripping the car apart and like getting sick, like the dog just destroyed this car basically. And then they all went in the house and his mom was there like cleaning up everything that had happened with the dog. He just looked at it and he was like, I am never going to be a parent. Like I never want to be the person. I think all of my kids at some point have been like, I never want to do that. And I can remember skiing. This is how old I am. We used to have, like, if your ski fell off, you know, skis have little brakes on them now, although I don't know if they even work, but you used to strap your skis onto your ankle.

43:36Amy Wilson:It had a little, like, tie, and we could never get them done. And so my dad, no matter how cold it was, was on his own skis bent over, clipping our safety straps on. This is when we were very, very little and learning how to ski. And I definitely remember looking at him and being like, I'm glad I am not the dad. I don't have to take my gloves off and clip on four pairs of safety harnesses on kids' skis. And you were right. I was right. It was terrible. It was terrible. Amy, how many of your children now have to bend down to hug you? Amy says your oldest child bending down to hug you, not ready for that one.

44:15Ah, that is a milestone. Two. Two out of three. And they're all done growing. They're all as tall as they're going to be. And I have one of them beaten, two very much not.

44:23Amy Wilson:I have a nephew who is 6 '6", maybe. And he just stands next to his mom, who's not small. She's probably 5 '7". But I just look at them together and I just think, that's her little baby. There's nothing about it. It's like a psyched. Like seeing Shaq with his mom, you're like, how did this all happen? One of my grown kids, one of the nicest things they've ever done for me was I was making sure they had something. They had their boarding pass and then their next boarding pass, like completely traveling without me at this point. And don't forget that you have to change terminals, that kind of thing.

44:54And he sent me a picture of Clifford the Big Red Dog with Clifford's mommy, who I didn't really know the lore until I saw this, but Clifford's mother is a typically sized dog. So she's very small next to Clifford. And she's like kissing his paw and she's like so tiny. And the words on the picture said, even though Clifford is a big dog. He's still his mother's little puppy. Oh my gosh. Did you cry for a month? I loved it. I loved it. I have it saved on my computer. It was so nice. And that's exactly it. Like there's something that's bittersweet about it, but it's sweet too. It's sweet that they're so much bigger than you and they're still your little puppy.

45:31Amy Wilson:Oh my gosh. I love that. Isn't that sweet? Yeah. Sadiq is going to finish this off as she often does. I feel with her comment, going to bed before your kids. No nighttime routine. As you said, it's bittersweet. It's bittersweet. I mean, I think I run less to nostalgia. My nostalgia setting is less than most. And also, I often say, I had my kids so late. I just think that I had such a long life without kids that I remember how good it was. And so I don't have a ton of like, oh, my little puppy. But Sometimes I still do want to kiss their little paw, even though they're so big. That's right. And that's fun, too.

46:14And it's not only sad, it's sweet, right? Like, it's the bitter and the sweet. It's the sweet and the bitter. It's all of everything. So if you don't spend too much time worrying about like, oh, my God, one day they'll be taller than me. Yes. And you'll love it then, too.

46:26Amy Wilson:You'll love it then, too. And some of it you're going to love so much more. You're going to stop seeing so many buts. And it's going to be great. Just dream of that day. dream of that day. Do you follow us on YouTube? You can listen to us wherever you want, but you can find sometimes full episodes, sometimes clips from all our episodes are all up on YouTube. Just search What Fresh Health Podcast, or we'll put a link in the show notes for this episode. We're trying to grow our YouTube presence because lots of people listen to podcasts on YouTube. So find us there and subscribe. You don't even have to listen on YouTube, but just give us a little love there.

47:00Don't give us a follow. You know how it is. We need to be followed. We want people following us around. That's right. And with that, thanks so much for listening. We will talk to you next time. Thanks, everybody.

47:35your team will actually love using. TheSameMonday.com with an easy and intuitive setup. Go to Monday.com and try it for free. Yes, TheSameMonday.com.