Meet Joe Opio - My Favorite People

27:15That's exactly what Joe did. You swordfished them because he said in the office, he was like, ah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he used it as a reference. He went, ah, it's as crazy as saying nobody watched Baby's Day Out. And everyone was like, what? I'm sorry, what? It's not Baby's Day Out. It's Baby's. Yes But now you make it sound Like it's a bunch of them You're the worst You know exactly what you said Joe Babies they are Is it possible to have requests? Can I have some requests? Okay Anything is possible I don't understand Like what is it Like you're going to ask us To sing a song to you now No no I would like I would like If possible Some background Maybe some anecdotes On you You and Joe's relationship I'm just saying It would be nice And we're taking your request.

28:02If you could be like, this is Joe, this is one of my great friends. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Favorite people or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a difference between favorite people and great friends. No, no, no. Even favorite, I think. I object to favorite because I've seen the favorites he has. No, no, no. Why are you pointing at me? No, because I've seen Eugene. I've seen Kaya. I've seen Anele. I don't want to be lumped in this character. Lamping? Yeah, I don't want to be lumped in this character. These are my favorite. Wait. Look, I'm not sure this is good for my brand. Why? And you didn't object to food aid.

28:34No, no, listen. Nothing. No, listen. No, listen. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Listen, Kaya. Listen, Kaya, Eugene. These are South Africans. And I said honorary South African. No, no, no. But even that, like... Honorary South African. You know this as Africans, we have beef with South Africans. Yes. It might even be one-sided. Yes. And actually, a friend told me to bring this up to you. Jesus. Why do South Africans... Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Why? Whoa, whoa, whoa. It sounds like I'm... No, I want to hear the question. Why do South Africans always begin a tweet in English and then end it in banak?

29:07You're trying to confuse the ending. No, no, no. I'll actually tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because that's how most South Africans even speak to each other. But you realize how confusing that is for the rest of Africa. So listen, now, it's funny you say that. We went to Shakespeare in the park here in Central Park, right? And so it was a beautiful rendition edition of 12th night as Lupita Nyong 'o it's Peter Dinklage trying yes not swordfish but okay yes so we're trying so we go and watch Shakespeare every sentence started in the kind of English that I know okay and then it ended in like some Shakespearean stuff that didn't make any sense you know what I mean I didn't see one person saying why do they do that why did Shakespeare do that English no but he made up words there's random words that weren't English that he made That's what a wordsmith does.

30:00But I'm saying you guys begin in one. So let me explain why. Let me explain why. So, since you wanted to take it there, there's a thing called apartheid, Joe. Okay. Seems I missed out. I'm just saying, how formal, because Dave went through it. Because Dave left Uganda to go to South Africa. I always tell him, dude, you left Uganda, you went like, I would rather go to a country where black people are treated like this and stay in this here hole. Keep your meals in, Boone, and babies, they're out. Then he bounced. He bounced. This is baby's day out. This baby is out. This baby is out. It's very offensive when you think about it.

30:41He went like, you see a brother in South Africa still better than Uganda. Meanwhile, we are stuck there. So, no, I really do think this is what it is. it's actually a beautiful byproduct of a terrible beginning, right? Because South Africa is a country where black people and everyone was forced to speak certain languages that weren't their own. So you're forced to speak English, you're forced to speak Afrikaans, right? So people were commonly speaking a language or starting a sentence in a language that they didn't speak. But oftentimes your vocabulary runs out. Most sentences are easy to start in another language, right?

31:18I know this when I learn new languages. I'll find Like if I speak Spanish Because I don't really know How to speak it yet I can start a sentence Oh in Spanish yes You know And I can go Disculpe Perdón And then you're like Okay I have to default I have to default Okay no no Yeah I understand A natural byproduct Of that in language I find Is that People who've been forced To speak another language Adopt parts of that language But the true essence Of who they are Is contained in their Mother tongue In their mother tongue Yes So they might start A sentence in English because that's just how they speak.

31:51But when you want to get into like the juice of it, you start the sentence in English and then by the end, it was the one with the ad keeper because socialize, you get what I'm saying? Socialize. Can I counter? Counter. Because we were also forced to learn a language. Okay. You make it seem like South Africa was the only country that was colonized. I didn't make it seem like anything. Why are you making it beef? No, you said people. I didn't make it seem like. I just told you how South Africa was. Okay, so here's the thing. Here's the beef that we have with you guys because you do this on an international platform.

32:17So now... You know what we're doing? No, on Pira. No, so listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now listen. Eugene, so now I want you to appreciate my beer. Okay, sharp. I'm here for it. So I'm following this tweet. It's very funny. Yes. And then I don't understand the ending. And then I'm like, wait, what happened? Okay, so now I have to go to Google Translate. Yes. And the worst part is, the worst part is, it's almost like being ghosted by text. Because you are following and then pro twist. Now they're speaking Kosa or whatever. And you are so invested. You are so invested. Because South Africans are great at Twitter.

32:46Yeah, we're good at storytelling. So you're invested and then you see people laughing and you're like, okay, I didn't get the ending. It's a Game of Thrones. It's a Game of Thrones. If you think about it. Great, great season. First season, great second. And then the final season was for neck. Then you're like, what just happened now? So I'm trying to explain it to you. So this is what I'm saying. You're not wrong about these parts, right? And I will apologize on behalf of South Africans then to you as a fellow African. Yeah, as a fellow African. We didn't mean to leave you in the dust. We're not trying to do this intentionally.

33:14However, your beef is misplaced. Because when we listened to Sean Paul and other like reggae raga artists and all of that dance hall and all of those vibes, those guys would switch things up in the middle of a sentence. What did we say? I'll say this. No, no, no, no. I'll say this to counter. Just give me the light. I'll say this. If you listen to reggae raga for the lyrics. You're listening to it wrong. That's what I'm saying. Eugene, that's what I'm saying. Like, where does the sense of start? No, no, no. But you brought me in with one thing. No one listens. Just give me the light. But no one listens to it.

33:57No, but no one listens to it. Just give me the light. Okay, give me the light.

34:05You listen for the beats. No one listens to it. Yeah. So that's what I'm saying to you. Don't think of it as an affront. Yeah. Okay. But now that you've told us. Yes. I'm sure, yes. We appreciate it. We won't change anything. However, we'll look in... We should blame this on the platforms for not translating automatically or showing you... But I'll bring that up with South Africans. But it's also the reason why we coined the phrase running out of English bundles. Because running out of data. Oh, yeah. That's what they're saying. So when the English runs out, you default. Yeah. Then you have to get in there.

34:39But it was the same with Totsital. Totsital was a mixture of Africans and any other South African language. So you'd mix the Afrikaans just to get by and then you'd put the other parts just to gossip about the other person. So initially... Okay, but you didn't know this is unique to South Africa, right? No. Because we don't do it in Uganda. No, no, no, a lot of people do it. No, no, no, we don't. No, no, no, I'll tell you. No, we don't. No, no, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. When I was in India, they'll do it with Hindi as well. Okay. They'll start a sentence in English. Like literally, friends will be talking with each other.

35:08Literally, when we're in Mumbai doing shows. No, no, no, I understand talking. I'm saying tweeting. That's what I said. Oh, you're saying the writing of it. An international platform. Oh. Yes. So, I'm not familiar with Hindi Twitter. Okay, okay. But this is a very uniquely African thing. No, they'll do it sometimes. No, that's the thing. They'll start a sentence and they'll be like, yo guys, why does it seem like every time Indians... Why does it sound like that? No, because they do it in the accent when they're speaking as well. So they go like, yo guys... The Indians are very offended because they sound like Hugh Grant in their minds.

35:38They're going to, who is that? Indians know how Indians sound. Who is that? You're the only person Who doesn't know How you sound In fact I want to know From you guys Did you not have Recorders in India In Uganda Did Joe never hear His accent in Uganda It's crazy But can I ask a question Can I ask a question I feel like you Came to an interview In terms of Your guys' relationship Okay And by the way Before we move on Can I just say How much I appreciate this Because we never have A viewer or listener This feels like The comment section Is live life. No, but it also feels like a therapy session.

36:13No. Because he keeps taking it back. No, no, no, but I do like the comments. I'm just saying I appreciate you. Yes, I appreciate you. You know, because I know all three of you are like, have wonderful relationship and you're here to podcast Joe. Is that the phrase that you use? No, he said he's here to sex tape Joe. To hang out with Joe. Okay, cool. But before you make the sex tape. You would like me to tell you how I met this guy? Not even how you met, but just in that vein, just to establish us so that we know, oh, okay. Okay. This is, because if, let's say Joe was your brother, then you could go, this is my brother.

36:49A few anecdotes from when you were young. Also antidotes. Oh, yes. That, you know what I'm saying? This is my. The funny thing is, I feel we're going to have very conflict. Here the way it is, you just brought some cab driver from New York, put him at the table, and I'll interview you. So that's the feeling we're getting, lost in space. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like Dave is going like, you need to establish, so that it feels like he thinks ICE might raise this and you need to establish the relationship. No, no, no. I'll tell you what's happened. I'll tell you what happened. Dave has lived in New York for too long.

37:21And in New York and in America, the number one phrase people love asking is, so how do you guys know each other? Yes, yes, yes. So like, how do you guys know each other? Like, where did you guys meet? So like, how did you guys, how do you guys know each other? How do you know the birthday boy? Yes. How do you know, yes. There's like The context I find more than most places In the world America But in New York People really want to know Like how People know each other How are you connected And how You know what I mean Whereas like Even now going back to South Africa I've realized Like the other day We were watching The Premier League just started And we had people over A whole bunch of friends came And it was a mixed group No one asked anyone How anyone knew anyone We just got in with like Our opinions and our ideas Because you assume Yeah And then people just left and no one went.

38:07So how do you know that person? But I like that you said this, so I'll give you a bit of a backstory. So to go back. I feel like we're going to have very conflicting, okay? Very conflicting takes on this. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't know you. So I'm saying I wouldn't have known you through Dave. Tell your side of how we met and then we can go from there. Okay, so the way I remember it, I knew Dave prior. I come to New York. Okay, I knew Dave because I went to South Africa to perform comedy, to like, pursue comedy. I meet Dave. I go to wherever Dave was working. I just showed up. I didn't know anyone.

38:43So I arrive in South Africa. I don't know anyone. I go to where the Dave's used to work because I liked their show. We got it in Uganda. So I walk in and I go like, hey, I'm here to see the guys who do this show. Which seems crazy now, but made sense then. Even then? Yeah, no. Then the receptionist goes like, okay, you can have a school who do you want to see? Then I go like, oh, whoever produces the show. Then they go like, oh, they're out for lunch, but you're going to have a seat. So I sit. Now remember, I used to do a show like LNN in Uganda. Yeah. You used to basically, you basically used to do the daily show in Uganda, but alone.

39:19Like a very, yeah, a very pale, like starved imitation of the daily show. Why did you have to say starved? Because it wasn't getting grains from up there.

39:30So I turn up and then I'm sitting there and then Kahiso comes. Kahiso was like the director, creator, producer, and Dave. And they come. No, I think Dave didn't come. It was Kahiso. And then they're walking past the reception and they do a double take. And they go like, wait, are you the guy who does the show in Uganda? And I go like, oh, yeah, it's me. Then go like, oh my God, we're big fans. We've watched the show on YouTube. Can you come through? Then I'm like, oh, that's why I came here. So then they take me back to the writer's room. And then I sit in the writer's room. Then they start pitching jokes, you know, then I start pitching as well.

40:04because, you know, I make myself comfortable wherever I go. So I start pitching. So then I pitch an idea, because remember you were shooting something about the South African elections and how like there were illegals coming in, maybe from Zimbabwe trying to... Still. Yes, not to vote. No, still now. Oh, yeah. Okay. I thought still the election. So then I pitch, hey, how about, what if I, I pitch something about an illegal coming in, trying to act like a South African, and then he's singing like, oh, the South African song, social, all that, but he's butchering them because clearly he's an illegal.

40:36And so then they go like, hey, are you around on Monday? They go like, yeah, I am. They go like, oh, can you come? We'll shoot you. You'll be the illegal. They go like, okay, cool. This feels like a trap, by the way. This really does feel like a trap. So then I show up, oh, this happens, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I get to know Dave, we meet. Dave was a very gracious host. You know, he takes me around, performs stand-up, this and this. And then... You know what's the interesting thing? Sorry. Even though I asked for this question. Is that the way I asked, could you describe how you met Trevor?

41:06Yes. And now what you're doing is you're giving backstory because this could go to everybody. You know what I'm saying? And then I was born. I knew. I knew when he said I'm sorry. That is not. You know what I'm saying? There's no sorry, Paul. You can know. Okay, okay, no. I get this. A backstory can start at any point. Yes, that's any point. I met you through so and so. And you like Mills and Boone. He's like as a child. You see what I'm saying? You're like I didn't start with my first day out as a baby. Yes. No, no, no. Okay, no. So anyway. You and Trevor met at some way or form. Okay, so I get to know Dave.

41:41How did that happen? I get to know Dave, then I tell Dave. Okay, listen. So I get to know Dave. Then I tell Dave, I'm going to go to America because I've come to South Africa and I've kind of hacked it, but not really. But now I want to go to America because America is the biggest comedian. Wait, wait, wait. So how familiar are you with Dave at this point? Do you even tell him your dreams and wishes? No, we hung out. We hung out. So fast forward from the day. No, because I had only a one-month visa, so we hung out during that time. There's visas? Yeah, South Africa. We need visas to come to South Africa.

42:09You do? Yes. And yet we helped Shelter Mandela and those guys. Anyway, that's another bit. We won't get into it. So I tell Dave, hey, I'm going to go to South Africa. I'm going to go to America because that's where, like, you know, all the big comedians are. Then Dave goes like, what? But you're starting to get your footing. and I go like, yeah, I'll go. If it doesn't work out, I'll come back. Yeah. So then I come to America. First night, I knew no one in America. I come in, I go like, America gives me three months. So I went like, I need to make it work as quickly as possible. So first night, I go to the cellar.

42:41The comedy cellar. Comedy cellar. Because I had seen it in Louis and I knew about it. So I go and I go like, hey, I ask the bus staff, the wait staff here. I'm here to see Esty, the booker. Oh yeah, Esty who runs the comedy cellar. Yeah, the booker because I've done some research And then the waitstaff goes like, ah, no, she comes in around midnight. So can you wait around? I go like, oh, I wait. I have nothing to do. First night, I wait. Midnight, midnight 31. Estee's nowhere to be seen. So the waitstaff tells me, hey. So I tell her, I'm going to bounce. She's not here. They go like, okay, cool.

43:11Then in my mind, I go like, I'm coming back tomorrow. So I show up tomorrow night, different waitstaff. Then I go like, hey, I'm here to see Estee. And this particular waitstaff thinks I have an appointment. So she goes like, oh, see it. you know, she'll come in around midnight. So I sit, midnight, midnight, 13. She comes and she goes, okay, so Esty's here. So now Esty, you know this from the Comedy Cellar, she goes to the Comedians table. So I stand up and go to the Comedians table. And it was Esty, it was Louis C.K., it was I think Colin Jost from SNL, and I think Aziz Ansari. They were sitting there.

43:45So I go and I approach her and I go like, hey Esty, what's up? She goes like, oh, hello, how are you doing? And I go like, oh, I'm a comedian and I want to perform at the Comedy Cellar. And then she goes like, oh okay uh do you have any have you been on on tv before because you need a tv credit to perform at the center i go like yeah i've been on south afghan tv i've been on gana tv then she goes no no no no she goes like no that doesn't count i mean have you been on america have you been on a late night show in america then i go like no then she goes like oh okay then in that case uh you need to be recommended by two comedians i've played there for 10 years damn and then i go like okay estee i understand now remember this whole time the table they just look at me like going like what's happening now you've interrupted yes like what's happening the table yeah the table so but i didn't know about this so then i go like yeah estee understand all these restrictions you don't want trash on your stage all these are quality control measures but in my defense i've come a long way i've come from africa that should count for something then she goes like oh that's funny oh okay can you send me something i'll wave some of these things can you send me something on email.

44:49And I go like, okay. So she gives me her email address. And I go like, of course, you know, she's blowing me off. I've seen this story before. You know, girls give you the wrong number. I go like, oh, yes, this is blowing me off. Then I go back to my place, it's like 1.30. And then I send her something. I said, I had done like a clip about Obama becoming president. And I swear 12 minutes later, she responds and she goes like, oh, this is different and funny. Come through and perform. So I go through. Same night? No, no. This is like five nights later. I go through to perform. Yeah. and then I perform she comes down she comes down to see you she comes so I went on after Louis Sike and when Louis Sike came off no I went on after him and then I go and perform five minutes I perform and then people laugh at my punchlines and then Deva Tell who is a comedy legend in New York comes on after me and then he goes like as I'm walking off he goes like hey yo can you hold on a moment then he goes like are you really from Uganda I go like yeah I am then he goes like no I don't believe it You knew so much about America and politics and this.

45:51Then he goes like, this guy, I think, is a Brooklyn comedian. Whose whole shtick is I'm a Uganda. So then makes jokes, makes jokes. Then I come off. Then Esty goes like, oh, how was it? I go like, oh, it was fun. It was funny. They laughed on punchlines. But man, Louis C. Candevertel, wow. People laugh at their silences and their gestures. Wow, I want to be like that. So can I come back and just watch and learn? I don't want to go back on stage. They can't just come and watch and learn the master. And she goes, oh, I like that. I like that attitude. Oh, okay. So she calls a member of the wait staff and she goes like, this guy is going to be coming in.

46:27I comp his food and drinks. Oh, wow. And now in Esty's mind, I think she thought I'd be coming in once a week. That's why the food and drinks. Or once every time. But now I'm an African in New York. I know no one. And you're offering food. And drinks. I was there every night. Every night. And so I would go sit. They bring my food and my drink. I eat. It's a Cardinal era. Cardinal era. Offering an African free food. So I'm eating, I'm eating. And then I see comedians come off. And you know, I'm a writer. So comedians come off. I give them notes. Hey, maybe you should change this. Maybe you should change this.

47:03I give, you know, many comedians. And I give Louis C.K. a note. Because he had a joke where he had the punchline in the middle. And then when we start talking, we talk over the laughter. So I give him a note. And everyone loses their minds. they go like you know there's this African who gave Louis C.K. the Louis C.K. But I didn't see him as a Louis C.K. I saw him as a comedian. And now cutting long story short in two weeks No, no, no Long story No, no, listen There's no cutting a long story short No, no, no, no No, because now I'm going to Trevor I'm going to But you didn't go anywhere But don't cut us There's nothing to cut There's no It's already a long story Oh, okay So you haven't cut anything Okay, okay, okay So, okay So I'm now a permanent fixture at the cellar.

47:47So then one day I come down, you know, the steps, the famous steps. And then I see Trevor. I see you. You are prepared to go on. You're prepared to go on stage. So I come and go like, oh, Trevor. Because you end up like, oh. Then I go like, oh, I'm a big fan. Then, you know, we talk a bit. Because Trevor is very polite. Oh, yeah. So then he goes on stage. I've seen his polite. I mean, you write about it. He will indulge you, yes. So then he comes back. Then Trevor goes like, wait. Because when you're going on, you had your jacket. You were taking off your jacket. I'll hold it. Then you gave it to me.

48:21Then you go on, perform, perform, come back. Then I go like, oh. Then I think I tried to give you a note or something. Then you go like, hey, wait. Are you the Ugandan guy? Are you like the African-African comedian? Then I go like, yeah, I am. Then he goes like, oh. You said African twice. Yes. No, African. Africa. Yeah, yeah. Then he goes like, oh, I've been receiving texts about you. Yeah, you're the one who gave Louis CK. Then I go like, yeah, I told him how to change. Then you go like, oh, people have been texting me like, yo, Trevor, there's an African, African comedian. Forget you. This one sounds like an African, African.

48:50So then we... He goes like, this one sounds like, yes, like he just jumped out of like, you know, coming to America, those movies. So then we go up and then we start like... Is he holding the jacket? No, no, I've given it back to him. Yeah, no, I'm not that kind of guy. Because he made that mistake. So then we go up And this was around like 8, 8.30 And then we just start talking And we talk like I think up to like 5 Just talking about soccer, live, comedy And then you went like Oh this was fun We should do it again Again Critical mistake because I'm there every night Comes back the next night we hang out And that's when you told me about Dave You went like oh no I contacted Dave And Dave thinks you're a cool guy, you're a good guy you know we were good people oh we should hang out and I feel like that's when we started to hang out and then that's when we had the incident with Neil Brennan yeah but pause there so I'll tell you how this unfolded for me okay so I was born away lad in South Africa on a rainy rainy Monday they say that my mother turned to me as I came out of her womb no don't go anywhere because we got more What Now after this.

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51:43This is from my side of the story. This is what happened. Yeah. I used to go to the comedy cellar all the time. I'm doing my thing. All of a sudden, I start getting texts from random people. Yo, is this guy your friend? Yo, who is this guy? Basically, every text, it's basically, come get your mans. That's what every text, the subtext is. there's an African at the comedy cellar is this yours but they're saying it like they're saying it like I have a portal a portal and a responsibility every single person was like hey there's an African here is he waiting for you is he here for you then I was like guys do you know how big Africa is I was like this is why we need to change that map because you guys think this guy's from my house so anyway people keep texting me they keep texting me they keep texting me the day with Louis I was actually there and I saw this in person I remember I thought you were just some random straggler Who's hanging around Louis came off stage And then you accosted Louis And you're like Ah, Louis Then you're like Ah, can I give you a note?

52:40Hmm, no I was thinking that punchline I was sounding like you, Grant Then you were like I don't know who this guy No, Louis I noticed there was a punchline that you were Ah, no There was a moment that you missed So I was thinking that maybe you could Then I remember being like Yo, bro This is a random audience member Giving one of the greatest comedians of our generation notes Who is this person? So basically you're an observer at that moment Yeah, I was He didn't even see me I was just like, damn Whoever that guy was That's like I was just like, this is just craziness You were Humpty Dumpty in person's boots I kept on moving Kept on moving, right Then We spoke that night You're talking about But before that, what actually happened was Dave sent me a message And he said something to the effect of I could probably find it if I looked in my WhatsApp Because you can just go back years Do you mind saying it in Dave's voice?

53:30So, okay, I'll do it in Dave's voice. So then Dave sends me a message. But I didn't hear his voice in the message, so that would be fake. But you know it now. Yeah, but that would be fake. If I repeat something he said, I'll do it. So, sends me a message, and the message says, Yo, there's a random Ugandan you're going to meet. Random. No, really. He goes like, I'm paraphrasing, but I think I'm going to get it sort of right. He goes like, there's a random Ugandan you're going to meet. He's going to seem like the most random person you've ever met. and your first instinct will be to not speak to him.

54:01Your first instinct will be to not speak to him. This is a growing review. What a glowing. Your first instinct will be to not speak to him. But I promise you now, he's one of the smartest human beings you've ever met in your life. As smart as you think I am, he's 10 times more smart. He's super funny. He knows everything about comedy. 10 times smarter. You see, there you go. Not more smart. Yeah. So, there you go. You see? So then, he's like, So please give him a chance Talk to him Hang out with him He wants to do comedy in America And I told him that he must speak to you So because of Dave now I go oh okay You must be This guy's not random Because Dave introduces me to no one And I mean no one Him and then like one homeless guy These are the only people that Dave has like Which makes it two homeless people These are the only people that Dave has ever like introduced me to Okay So but the homeless guy came many years later when I knew Dave.

54:56You were like the first, so Dave doesn't do that. So anyway, so I've got, so that's how I make contact with you. So I go like, all right, you've been, you've really been vetted or somebody has vouched for you. So I have to, I don't even know what the deal is, but I was like, I have to just get to know you. And then he wasn't wrong. I mean, within 10 minutes of hanging out with you, I was like, this is, you're one of the weirdest person. You're like an alien who, I've always told you this though. You're like an alien because the way you see the world and the way you operate in it is alien-like.

55:25it you you you don't take into account many of the um many of the social norms that people take into account like one day i remember i was walking with you in a park and we were we just finished playing a game of soccer here in new york and we're walking across the field in the park and some people are playing baseball in one corner other people are doing sprints other people just working out and we're walking back with our bags and there was a family with their babies and there's like one baby one baby and one toddler and the toddler came running in our direction it's a white family white everything and the toddler comes running in our direction I'm like whatever I'm just like whatever it's a child Joe and I remember seeing this in slow motion Joe and drops kicks their baby and I remember seeing this in slow motion I go like take that weight Joe runs Joe runs The kid runs towards us Joe runs towards the kid Grabs them But this is like Like a movie where It's like The kid is like Uncle Joe Or something Joe grabs the baby Baby I am looking out of the corner of my eye Like this Because this is all happening Sort of in slow motion So I'm like No Don't judge the baby Joe grabs the baby And then hoists the baby up And starts like throwing the baby But like he's known this Like a family member Yes, yes, yes And Joe throws this baby up And he's like Oh no, look at you Ah, no, baby Ah And this baby Now as he grabbed the baby From behind the baby Another corner I see the parents Now you know This is happening in the space of Seven seconds max But you know how fast your mind can process things in those moments.

57:21I'm panicking. I see them turn. They've just seen this guy. I see them grabbing their child in a park. Hoisting them. I see them turn. You see the look on their faces like, oh shit, it's happening. This African is adopting our white baby. You see that. I saw. He's reversing the roles. This is now my UNICEF baby. Come here UNICEF baby. I'm going to give up a cup of coffee every day. I'm going to make your dreams come true. So I see the panic in their eyes. so I'm but before I can tell Joe don't do it and I'm trying to almost tell them he's okay he's okay it's too late you're trying to tell him don't do that and then the dad comes running in you can see he's like basically failed in his life because he comes running in but it's too late because Joe has his baby and Joe takes the baby throws the baby up and then the baby diffused the whole thing because the baby had more fun in like those two seconds I can't even explain it to you And then the dad came and just stood by us While Joe just carried on He didn't even go like, that's my baby He just stood there like I guess they know each other He was so Thrown by what he had experienced That he didn't know what to do And then the mom came holding The baby, so the toddler's in Joe's arms She's holding another baby And they're just standing there like They're standing there the way you would stand if like a bear had grabbed your child from a crib camping no one move no one move but your child is giggling and the bear is just juggling your child the bear is juggling your child and the child is having a good time and no one moved and then Joe was just like oh no oh no look at oh look at you oh no oh look at pop pop pop and then he put the baby down and the baby was just like yeah baby the baby was ecstatic that toddler was ecstatic and then the parents like scooped the kid up and the baby was like and then yeah Then the friend scooped the kid up.

59:25He lives to fight another day. And looked at us like, hey, thank you. And then they walked away. You could see they were shocked and they felt like they had escaped something. You knew, sir. And then Joe just carried on what he was talking about before. He's like, no, so here's the thing. If we can press them, if the defense moves forward next time, we're going to find them. Then I said, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Then I said, Joe. I said, Joe, Joe. Don't ever do that again. I was like, my man, my man. In America, a black man cannot go around grabbing white people's babies. I was like, Joe, don't do...

1:00:06Then he's like, no, what do you mean? What do you do? Then I said, Joe. He's like, no, but the babies love it. They love it when you throw... I was like, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. You just got here. I'll say this. I wouldn't trust my baby with a guy with that accent. A guy who is speaking the way he is speaking. No, no, no. But I'm saying in their defense... You're making that guy. That guy. Control number one. And that was one of the first moments where I was like, because you're even saying it in the story. Nobody would ever at the comedy cellar go up to the comedian's table with Esty and Louis C.K.

1:00:39and Aziz Ansari and Colin Jostin and just interrupt the conversation. And then also be like, when they go like, no, you can't come, be like, no, let me tell you why I should. But also not in like an asshole way. That's why I say you're like an alien. No, but I'll say this. So to the kid's story, For me, the reason it didn't stand out Till Trevor pointed it out Was I would do that with a kid in Uganda So I didn't grow up with the Racial dynamics Of America or South Africa Even baby dynamics No, no, because I don't want to think about babies I've had like So kids The thing I love with kids Is what you see is what you get They're not like adults You have fun with them I'm not speaking about the babies I had another experience like that You've done it again?

1:01:21No, no, no. I was at a park. It's instinctive. Listen, I was at a park. Cash Patel, we don't know this guy. At FBI. At Stephen Miller. Two failed attempted human trafficking. At White House. I'm out. My visa still wants to be. No, here's the thing. So we were at the park. I was with a friend who was kids. You know, cat, right? you know cut right right and we so this kid you know no no you know you know you go with your friends who have kids to the back so i'm pushing the kid on the swing you know this kid yeah yeah this is my friend's kid and then there's a kid next in another swing who's being pushed by a kid a fellow kid and so i'm pushing this kid and then the other kid over pushes over balances the other kid falls yeah and my instinct i immediately go and grab the kid and start kissing on the forehead going to the case.

1:02:16It's okay. It's okay. No, no, no. I got a case. No, because the kid is crying. So the kid is crying. Oh, my God. This is an enlightenment. No, listen. What are we doing here? So I'm... I feel like... Listen. What am I part of? I feel like that Epstein tape where they're like, you know these kids, yeah? So I'm soothing. Listen. So I'm... Is it a deposition? So I'm soothing the kid. I'm going to take... Why are you soothing them with your hands? Because the kid is crying. No. No. Joe. No. We are going to... So when you hug the kid, listen, you're hugging the kid. We're going to change. I'm sorry, guys.

1:02:51Self-incriminating. No, no. Listen. Self! No, so I'm going like, so you know when you're hugging the kid and the kid is crying? No, I don't know. I'm like, hey, hey, hey. I've never hugged the stranger. I'm like, hey, hey. To camera. Listen. I've never hugged a stranger. I've never sued them with their lips. But the kid is crying. I don't care. I'm saying, I'm saying. That's what I would go to a kid in Uganda. I would go like, hey, hey, kid, there, there, there. It's okay. in Uganda. It's okay, you're brave. We have swings. Come on. So I go like there, there. It's okay. You're a brave little man.

1:03:19Don't worry. Don't worry. And then the mom comes. And the mom, you know, she had the same look of panic. Like, oh, what's this strange I'm doing with my kid? But then the kid keeps quiet and telling me, you're strong, brave. And then the mom goes like, oh, okay. Oh, thank you so much. Because the mom and I was playing with another kid. She was like on the other side. One of the problems is having two kids here. I think just one child gives you attention. For me, in my mind, it's the same thing Trevor will have with Yes. No, no, no. No, it's the same thing with policemen. When policemen stop us, the way I talk to, okay, so again, another story.

1:03:48When I came to America before I met you, I had this friend who was from Philly. So one day we're going to a comedy club and we get lost in the subway, right? Yeah. So then he's going like, oh, he doesn't know which train to take because he was from Philly. I'm from Africa. We don't know the thing. So I go, so I see subway cops. I see like the cops in the subway. So I just walk up to them and I go, okay, guys, we are lost. So which train? and then this guy just keeps his distance. My friend. And then I come back and tell him, oh, they said we take the air, it will take us to the village. So then he goes like, dude, what's happening?

1:04:22Then I go like, oh. Then he goes like, dude, you're black, I'm black. We never approach. Policemen like that. Then I go like, what do you mean? Then he goes like, they could have shot you. Those interactions don't end well. Then I told him, but they're there to serve us. So I told him, if they shot me, I'll die more out of shock. I'm going like, this guy suck at their jobs. Because in Uganda, and Dave knows this, in Uganda, why would you shoot me? Shock. The number one killer of Ugandans in the area.

1:04:56So this guy was going like, I don't understand. Why would you just approach a bunch of... But that's what I would do in Uganda. If I'm lost, I would approach the policeman and go like, hey. And he couldn't believe it. I'm just picturing this guy. I don't... A black guy from Philly. Yes. And he just watched you approach the cop. Very confident. With swag as well. Start kissing them and throwing them up. You are strong little soldier. Then you're like, I know. But which way can we go? No, so the thing is, when you didn't grow up in the culture. But this is what I'm trying to say. Can I ask another question?

1:05:31Of course. Great. This is what the show is all about. We love the fans. Okay, thank you. Please. One interesting thing that Joe has, I've known you for like 12, 13 years, whatever it may be. And I have never, because you know, let me, this is a sort of like an anomaly kind of situation that you guys have described or he has described kissing strangers' babies. Anomaly for who? With context. No, I get the context. No, no, no, I get the context. What I'm saying is that Joel kisses strangers baby What I'm saying is That the part that I find the most interesting Out of you The most most interesting Is that I've known you for whatever it is 12, 13, 14 years Whatever it may be And I've spent a lot of time with you And in all that time that I have spent With you I have never for 5 minutes seen you upset or in a bad mood.

1:06:36That's why I'm saying he's an alien. No, I'm saying, so could you explain that? That's sort of, it goes to the alien thing, right? Actions that people might find themselves doing in a certain setting, that can be cultural. You know, so in one culture, people hold pinky fingers. Men, when they walk in the streets, they hold pinky fingers. In another place, that happens all over the world. So that happens in India In the Middle East Even in parts of South Africa Guys would do it Yeah Yeah You've never seen cousins No no no Never seen cousins They're all pinkies Yeah yeah Come on dude No come on In Hamanskjall guys would do that No they would You've never seen that You've never seen that They would do that They would do that But that's normal in a lot of places So you're saying that's cultural Yeah I'm saying that's normal in a lot of places Right but in other places They'll go like that's crazy Okay So this is These are cultural things What Dave's hitting on here Is like the evidence that makes it more likely that you're an alien okay and and that and that evidence is what alien from up there not alien like trump no no not trump alien relax no no don't worry don't worry about that no no no what i'm saying is you dave's right i also have never seen you depressed sad angry all the like whatever we call them like negative and not in like a fake way by the way i'm not talking like oh that person's always in a good mood not like that not like that because i've seen you pensive i've seen you mourning somebody or something bad that's happened when my grandmother passed away you came over it's not like you were like ah grandmothers who cares you were like you know what i mean you you cried like you were like with me in the moment is what i mean but i'm saying it's like a state of being i've never seen you like we've never seen you not positive.

1:08:27But you know why? Yeah, why? Because I'm hashtag winning. You know this? And I've told you this. You know the Trump speech where he goes like, I'm going to win so much. You're going to start telling me. We're going to be winning so much. You're going to be tired of winning. Tired of winning. So much winning. You're going to say, Mr. President. Mr. President, we're tired. We can't take it anymore. We can't take it anymore. We're tired of winning. So much winning. So much winning. It's the thing. I'm a Ugandan. Think about it. I'm a Ugandan. Yeah. First of all, working legally in New York. Yeah.

1:08:57But not just working legally, working at the Daily Show. Right? How many Ugandans get to do that? So me, I've always been very... Kipuka doesn't count. Kipuka is Ugandan light. No. I'm Ugandan. So anyway, the thing is, I've always been hyper aware of how like I am. And this is way before the Daily Show. I've always been... Being born in Africa, being born, as a guy in Africa, as opposed to being born a woman in Africa, already you're winning. Because a guy in Africa has certain privileges and he's given more leeway than a girl. So I've always been hyper aware about like I am. I've always been hyper aware of my privilege, so to speak.

1:09:43So when people complain about things, people get, you know, when people complain about things, oh, this is not working out. I go like my life, everything is working out. Literally, I walked into the comedy cellar, got a chance to perform. I walked into their show, got a chance to meet them out of the blue. We became friends. Everything I feel like I've... I'll put it like this. I don't sweat the little stuff, if that makes sense. So for example, today, you guys came late for the podcast. What did you say first? Joe, we are sorry. We kept you. And in my mind, I'm like, why are you apologizing? Remember when we planned, when we made a plan, To watch El Clasico.

1:10:23Dave, you are there. We planned to watch El Clasico. It was going to be at 2. Barcelona, Real Madrid, biggest game in the world. I turn up to your apartment, 145. You guys come in at 4. Right? Right? You and Dave walk in at 4. This game was supposed to start at 2. And Trevor and Dave walk in full of apologies. And then I go like, why are you guys apologizing? Because other people would be upset. And Trevor tells me your people would be upset because we made a plan you're supposed to watch. Then we're like, why though? Like, why would I be upset? Like, you and Dave wanted to watch the game. We planned to watch the game, but you didn't show up on time.

1:11:02That means something more urgent came up or you were held up. You are not hiding somewhere around the corner going like, ooh, let's make Joe wait. Something else came up. And then Trevor goes like, ah, but I don't, but you know, other people would be upset, you know, maybe disrespected. Yes. Yes, maybe, maybe disrespected. Then I told him no. Why would I be... Do that apology. Sorry, sorry. So Trevor's going like, oh, other people feel disrespected. Their time. Then I go like, no, but it wasn't my time. It was your time. You basically... You're the one who's not here. No, no. You lent me your time.

1:11:38It wasn't... I'm not entitled to your time. You told me let's meet at two. But it wasn't my time. It was your time. You just lent it to me, but I was entitled to it. So then I go like, I can't be upset. the game, you recorded it, you remember you went like, oh, I'd... Yeah, yeah. So then we watched the game. And then I was... Because for me, I don't understand why, like, so something small like that, let's say I arrange a date with a girl and I don't turn up on time. She shouldn't be upset. She should go like, oh, Joe wanted to have this date. Joe wanted to have this dinner with me. But for some reason, he didn't.

1:12:08Something must have come up. Instead of putting yourself first, going like, me, me, me, I got disrespected, me, me, me, this and that, go like, oh, why did the other person not? because think about this way. If you plan a dinner date or to watch a game and then you don't turn up on time and then I find out you are in an accident, I don't get upset. Does that make sense? Because I stop putting myself first. I stop going like, oh, Mimi, I stop going, oh my God, are you okay? Were you? Yeah. So for me, that's how I look at most things. I don't sweat the small things. I remember when I told you about the relationship I have with my family, right?

1:12:45With my sisters. Because my family, my siblings have access to all my money to my bank accounts remember i told you this and then you went like what what if they stole the money now i'm lucky that my family were very close-knit but also you went like but what if then i'm like i wouldn't sweat it i genuinely wouldn't because i would go like oh they know they can ask me for the money they know they have access to the money so if they stole it that means they were so dispatched something must have come up right And I would rather they steal my money than go steal a stranger's money. Because if they steal a stranger's money, now it's courts, now it's prison, now it's this, now my mom is stressed, my dad is stressed.

1:13:25Now they stole my stress. But if they steal my money, then I'll go like, oh, that means they needed it more than I needed it. I've had the same mentality when we were in school, boarding school in Uganda. People would go like, oh, like, you know, leaving your suitcase, like the people would like lock them and everything. And I'd go like, no, why? If someone can approach me and ask me for something, if they feel the need to go and steal, which results in expulsion and suspension, they needed that thing. They needed that thing more than I needed it. Here's a question then. Even in terms of, okay, let's just say, okay, that I can get conceptually, but then how do you deal with being a morning person?

1:14:09Do you know what I mean? Sometimes you're just in a bad mood because you didn't get enough sleep. I don't believe in the concept of so much sleep. And Trevor knows this. And you know this as well. Because I go like, I'm winning so much at life. I don't want to sleep. Because if you're sleeping, then you're not winning. You're just lying there. You're not actively. No, no. No, sleeping is one of the only activities where you're not actively enjoying the thing. So when I'm watching a soccer game, I go like, wow, this is amazing. When I'm watching a Broadway show, when I'm having a conversation, I'm eating food, I go like, oh, this is delicious.

1:14:43this is amazing when i'm sleeping i'm like this glass i'm not actively enjoying the thing now i understand the benefit of sleep you're fresh and all this but i'm going like for me sleeping is going on social media people who win are not on social media because they're busy winning at life they're busy enjoying life sleeping means so me when i was here when i was a bit you know in my teenagers who go like yo if i make it i'll watch every show i'll watch every i'll read every book i'll you know i'll do things and now i'm at that stage in my life where i really could watch every show because you're a member of the guild they give you all these screenings i could read every book because i'm in new york i can access them the one thing i don't have is time i don't have enough time to do it because i only have 24 hours in a day so i want to spend a minimum of those hours sleeping because sleep as little as possible as little as possible because i have things to do i have we play soccer up to two i have things to do so sleeping because it's one thing i don't actively enjoy is one thing so i sleep and trevor knows this i sleep and you have seen me we've gone on vacation joe sleeps i sleep at most three hours a day i think you have that gene that i spoke to a um uh doctor who works in like gene editing uh and he told me that there's some people who who are genetically predisposed to not needing sleep.

1:16:06I think you're one of those people. Because I've been with, remember, we went to the World Cup together. We've gone to two World Cups, actually. And, you know, people can tell you who they are all they want. When you spend almost 24 hours a day with them over a certain period of time, the cracks start to show. I went with this guy. We went to every game and then we went to events afterwards and then in the morning we did something else. This man does not sleep and he's fine with it. Like three, four hours a night maximum. But more than that, to Dave's point, even when we couldn't get those hours sleep, I was grumpy.

1:16:44I remember. What did he sound like when I was grumpy? I remember. No, he would just refuse. We went shooting and he just went like, I'm done, turning. Yeah, yeah. And we went, we went, yeah. I have to get my beauty sleep. I never said beauty. Okay, well. You said it in your tongue. Now you see how I feel when you do me. I don't sound like that and you're like no Joe sounds like this that's how that's exactly how it feels that's exactly how it feels for me it's for me it's simple Eugene because I've explained it to Trevor and he tried it and he had a he had a terrible time so for me the way I look at sleep is a goal right I'm up I'm up and then I go like oh crap it's two I have work tomorrow okay I can squeeze in two more hours at least okay two more hours of doing fun stuff, then I go, oh, I have good sleep because I function.

1:17:36In the same way, you eat food. Some people don't enjoy food, but they eat it because they need it for sustenance. So for me, the why sleep is, I realize you don't enjoy sleep. What you enjoy is the act of falling to sleep. What you enjoy is the promise. What you enjoy is the promise of sleep. This is the weirdest thing Joe does. What's on the other side of it? Yes. Just wait, just wait. So for me, I sleep three hours. This is the weirdest thing Joe does. I sleep three. It's not weird at all. It makes sense. I sleep three hours. Tell the people what you do. But every other hour, every hour, I set an alarm.

1:18:09Every hour? Yes. So I go to bed at four, set an alarm for five, set an alarm for six, set an alarm for seven. So I wake up. Every hour? Dave, stop sniggering. Like you're in maximum security. Yeah. No, no. Listen. So I wake up. So when I wake up at four, at five rather, I go like, oh, my God, I have to go to work. Right? Then I go like, oh, no, I still have two more hours. You know that feeling when you're alarmed? That feeling, the promise of more sleep. So I have that feeling. You reset to accept your excitement. So I simulate that. So I go like, oh, I have two more hours. So then I enjoy the process of going back to sleep.

1:18:43Then I wake up an hour later and I go like, oh man, I have to go. Then I go like, oh my God, I have another hour. Right? Yeah. Then I go back to sleep. Then I wake up. Now I'm enjoying sleep. I'm actively enjoying it. Then by the time I feel, I think this is why it works. By the time I wake up, actually, I really wake up to actually go to work, I feel like I've had more sleep than I was supposed to have. Yeah. It's not strange at all because some people... He thinks it's strange. It's not. Let's say you know that today you're going to need$200. There's people who withdraw$1 ,000. And every time they spend, they still have a lot left.

1:19:17Yes, because you think, oh, I've used up the$200. Instead of imaginary, ping, ping, ping. I've got to have$800. Yes, yes. I understand this. But where the analogy falls apart is there's no REM and deep sleep in your wallets. I'm saying the thing you are doing These are white people American things This is alien my friend No this is human being things No but also remember Trevor you know this Remember I'm the one guy I tried this Yes You remember I tried this No but you have to build up With this case Yo build up to what Yes I've done this since I was a teenager Yeah but let me tell you Yo do not try this Whoever you are at home Do not try this Also at home I would like to reiterate That this is true You know you often probably watch a lot of podcasts and a lot of information where people are doing tell you about the research that they did on sleep.

1:20:05You know, the research that they did on happiness, the research that they, this is the, this is real. Yeah, because he's answered your guys' questions where you said, how do you maintain such happiness and you've never seen him? There, he's told you. No, but that's, I wouldn't recommend that for, but this isn't something that people could apply. Yes, we wouldn't recommend it. No, no, no, but what I'm saying is, what he's saying is he's built up the muscle. No, I get that, But I'm saying you can't build up that muscle No matter who you are Yes You can't What do you mean? No, no, no, no, no Let me, okay, let's break it into two parts There's one part which is how you perceive life The other part is physiological Yes Okay You can't, I don't drink water because I think water No, I drink just enough water for sustenance Yes, but what I'm saying is I'm saying Most human beings on this planet Most Are unable to sleep for three hours a day and function It's just, you can't do it Because they want to sleep all three hours in one lump sum Yeah, but there's people in war zones who do it.

1:20:56Yeah, but they don't come out right. Remember, the ability to do something. It's like some people who have a greater lung capacity. Like, what's his name? The swimmer. Michael Phelps, right? Michael Phelps, yeah. Produces less lactic acid than the average human. It's genetic, yes. So it's genetic. So when you are doing something that's genetic, you sort of can't give people advice on that thing because they can't do it. Like if Michael Phelps said to you, well, what I do is I just don't make as much lactic acid and then my muscles don't burn. For me, the big thing is that, No, no, no. For me, you know what's the big thing here?

1:21:26How do you account for training and conditioning? No, but that's separate. Okay, so can I tell you how, for me, it came up? And it came up by accident, almost. So when we were in boarding school in Uganda, remember, boarding school is like military... Can I tell you how I thought it came up before? I thought, the way I thought it came up is because you're from Uganda, which is a poor country, you thought you had to pay for sleep, and so you could only afford... I apologize. That's why I said he's Ugandan. He's slandering our country. No. So here's, okay, no, here's the thing. So when we were in boarding school, remember it was like military, it was like prison, right?

1:22:00Yeah, yeah. So you have to go study, do this. Everything is like prison. So the only time we had was, because we used to go for prep, which is like to study after hours. So we would go for prep from seven to, because you spend the whole day studying, studying, now you have to do self-reading. So we'd go for prep from seven to nine. Then we'd come out, then now you have to go and prepare to go to bed. And because I loved soccer so much and I loved sports so much, we used to wait for midnight to listen to bbc sports on radio which was illegal because you couldn't bring in a radio but we found a way so bbc sports was like that was our thing me and a group of other football like soccer loving guys so we'd listen to bbc sports to hear the roundup of the news what happened in the premier league what happened in the champions league then from it would end at around midnight 30 then from midnight that everyone else is sleeping midnight at 30 to like 3.

1:22:50Now we are discussing what happened. You know soccer? Like you discuss. So discussing, discussing, discussing. This was our moment where we went like, oh, now we're in control of our moment. And then we go to bed at around 4. Then you have to wake up at 6. And we used to do this because BBC Sports was there every day. Yeah. And we used to do this every day. Now, I don't know whether the other guys kept it up. They're dead. Probably. Yes, but the thing is, you guys were able to do it as a group. Yes. So that's conditioning. I think Yes, guys, you're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm not disputing the merits of conditioning.

1:23:23It is possible for a human being to do things that they couldn't do before by doing something repeatedly. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying there is an extra element that now creates what we call the super athlete or there'll be people who have memories that are outsized. There are people who will be able to jump or run faster because their muscles twitch in a different way. So I'm saying you have that for sleep. But what's more impressive to me because genes are genes, you don't choose them. What's more impressive to me, and I think it's to what Dave was alluding to is, you see, you dismissed it very quickly as like, I have a positive attitude because my life's going well.

1:24:01I work at The Daily Show and I live in America and I got to do, yeah, but I'm like, but you've constantly taken that framing even when the winning is not apparent. Does that make sense? So now it seems obvious because you work at The Daily Show And now it seems obvious Because you work in New York And you're in America And you So then it's like Oh that's like an obvious But if I took The Daily Show away from you It would affect me You would still go Yeah I was me without the Daily Show You see So you'd go like Oh man I'm still winning Then I'd go like Okay and I'll kick you out of America I would go like I was in Europe Before America There you go You see you're still winning Then I'd go like Okay you also can't travel the world I'm going to kick you back to Uganda I was happy in Uganda No okay No but this Wait wait This is what I'm trying to show you So I go like I'm going to take that away from you I'm also going to take away all the money you've earned in your life I was happy when I had no money There you go, do you see what I'm saying?

1:24:52So this is like what I'm trying to get to And this is what's always fascinated me about you as a person You've helped, by the way, you've helped me I've even told you You've helped me with this tremendously Because before I met you I used to succumb to the idea of a failure or a sadness That I had imposed on myself One of my favorite memories This was the first time you did it to me was we were walking home from The Daily Show and we had just started. We were like a few months in. It was a Friday afternoon. We're walking down 11th Avenue in New York. Traffic is backed up. So it's bumper to bumper.

1:25:31Everyone is there honking away, cars going crazy. I don't hear any of this. The only thing I can hear in my head is the fact that we're having a terrible time at the show because the ratings are bad. Jon Stewart has death left. We've lost 30 % of the viewers. Things were terrible. It's like, man, are we ever going to be able to make this work? Here we are, some random Africans. I'm hosting the show. Two Americans, I sound like Joe. Do you know what I mean? So I'm there on TV and I'm like, ah, welcome to the daily show. Ah, can you believe it? We used to get hate mail because people would say like, why do I say, they would say like, why do I say like words incorrectly?

1:26:06Like aluminum. Yeah. Not just aluminum. Yeah, but that's like an obvious one. Oh yeah, controversy and controversy. Because Americans say, yeah which one controversy people are who used to go like why do you say it again and I was like but that's not how we say it we would get letters how can this person host the show when they don't even know the correct way to pronounce it so all these things are piling on all these things are piling on so we walk out of the building it's a Friday so we haven't done a show and we're walking down the street and man I like I'm just feeling it I'm feeling it and the reason I'll never forget it is because around the same time Leslie Jones had just done ghostbusters right and so it was the all-female reboot of ghostbusters and she was getting a lot of hate online and people were saying terrible things about her you know cool all of this that that was happening at exactly the same time so we're walking out of the building it's me and joe joe is joe his chipper normal self so it's joe on one side cars on the other side and then as we walk past the block of the daily show there was a woman in a bmw it was a drop top yeah but like one of the one of the older editions maybe like a three series but like maybe a decade back and she honks and she goes oh my god hey trevor i love you i love the daily show yeah i was like oh thank you thank you very much and i put my head down and i carried on right and i carried on what i was saying to joe and i was like man this is so hard and i don't know if we're ever gonna crack this and you know it's it feels like we're not getting anywhere and like oh man people don't like us just because of who we are and how do we how do we figure this out and this is such a hard journey and then she says that and i acknowledged her and then i carried on walking and i'll never forget joe stopped me like just before the end of the block because i carried on i was like as i was saying you know it's so terrible it's so this then joe was like just like What are you doing I was like what do you mean He's like what are you What are you doing I said what do you mean What am I doing He said are you Are you winning or losing In life I was like well right Right now I'm losing Then he's like you're losing Then he's like I'll never forget You turned you stopped me And you're like Oh my god you're losing Then you're like You're like Trevor There was a woman In a BMW drop top Screaming that she loves your show No one paid her No one asked her to be here She's told you this He's like but you're going to listen to the internet Here's a real human being telling you this to your face But you're going to listen to the internet Then he's like oh He's like it's Leslie Jones She's headlining a summer blockbuster movie She's achieved something that most actors will never get to do in their entire lives But she's focusing on the tweets You two are the same You're choosing your misery You're choosing to be unhappy Despite the world showing you Every opportunity to choose something else Then he's like if you're gonna choose that You can't be my friend Cause I don't hang out with losers Like You know when someone speaks to you like you're in a movie Cause I was like who says that in real life You can't be my friend cause I don't hang out with losers And then Joe went In classic Joe fashion Joe was like He's like I don't know about you But me I'm hashtag winning He's like, if you cannot see that you're hashtag winning, ah, then you should walk away from the Daily Show.

1:29:37You must go home. Because you are a loser. Not because you are losing, but because you have chosen to lose. So you can make your choice. But I know I've chosen mine. Because to take it back to me being a gun and working here, the way I used to think of it is, how many comedians in South Africa would change places with Trevor in an instant if you told them they would host the daily show and would Trevor be willing to go back to South Africa and be the comedian watching a South African comedian headlining this important show so for me the way I used to look at it is the way you still look at it yeah so Trevor had like there was one blogger in Salon Salon.com who was always hammering Trevor hammering like oh he's not John Stewart this and this and Trevor you know of course you know people on the internet know this and I used to go like but Trevor you have 200 people who come into the studio every day to watch your live show.

1:30:32People are turned away. People are turned away, the studio audience. People are turned away. There are 200 people minimum who come every day to watch you do a show. Why are you worried about one blogger? Why are you worried about one voice on the internet? So for me, it's the thing I was saying about focusing on things. Same thing with Leslie Jones. You're opening one of the biggest movies you're a black woman who was, you know, the challenges of women in comedy. You know, the challenges of black women in life and comedy. and you've made it finally at 50. Right? She was like, you've made it finally in this hard world.

1:31:07And now you're fighting online with people and you're crying and they're making, because they're being racist. I was like, if I were, and I told you this, if I were Leslie Jones, I'd go like, these tweets are upsetting me so much. I'm going to go and hang out with Tom Cruise right now. I'm going to go and jump in a private jet and go hang out with Will Smith. You've worked so hard and now you're focusing on things that shoot, and for me, Trevon, I think you, it's funny, I told you a story, you know, you know, sometimes in life, things, I guess, they just happen the way they're supposed to, you said that to me, I ended up at an SNL after party, which by the way, I think I've only been to one in my life, it might be that one, I've never been to another one, I've never been, bumped into Leslie Jones, and I told her, what you said, and I remember she messaged me like a week or two after, and she's like, yo, I don't know who that guy is, but thank you for changing my whole perspective, But that's what I mean is you don't get like...

1:32:04I feel like he's out to put it. So you can't complain. And I think you said it actually. You can do it. I'll tell you on a small level how you even do it. We all love football, right? Not you. But we all love football. What is he doing here then? So we all love football. Witnessing a deposition. And we watch our favorite teams. We talk about the game. my friends who support man united now are in such a doldrum of despair that one of them in a group text said i don't know what to tell my son anymore because i just bought him a man united shirt and when he asks me daddy what's going wrong i don't know what to say child abuse and this was like his depression and like multiple people man you know they'll look at me and go man i don't even want to talk about but like with like a deep despair and i think a lot of football fans can can acknowledge going through this in some way shape or form right you're a barcelona fan when messi left barcelona and when you guys went through like one of the biggest slumps i remember coming to you and poking away this man looked at me with a joy that seemed honestly delusional and he went oh man rebuilding is going to be fun he's like oh you should see the kids coming up in the academy oh the world that we're getting ready then i was like yeah but you guys are terrible then you're like yeah but oh that means we're going to rebuild that that's what do you understand what I'm trying to say right now.

1:33:40Yes. Because now, that's not a foregone, there is no guarantee that Barcelona will get better. I always look at it the same way. When we lost to Liverpool, remember? Yes. I go like, but it was a great game. I don't, because also soccer is entertainment. So for me, the way I look at it, I think you said it, I think I'm borrowing from you, the thing you were doing at the Daily Show, I felt the thing you were doing at the Daily Show when everything wasn't going great, is you were complaining and bitching about a bad shitting on your Ferrari. but you have a Ferrari. How many other people would rather have, because you can clean the bad pool off.

1:34:17Yeah, you can clean the bird shit off. Yes. How many other people would go like, I would rather have that Ferrari with a bad pool, but at least I have a Ferrari. So people, many times people focus on the bad pool instead of focusing on the Ferrari. And for me, I call it wasted stress. You call it what? Wasted stress, like wasted stress. So when, for example, when I came to the Daily Show, there was a writer who came and told me, She had been writing there seven years. And she told me every day when they gave a script to write, she thought it was the last day at work. She thought she would write such a bad script, she would get fired.

1:34:52And I just go like, so wait, you've done this for seven years. Every day of those seven years, you haven't enjoyed this experience at all because you're stressed about losing this thing. And I was like, no. I told her, no, if I lost The Daily Show, I would go like, oh, thank God, I'm going to get the Daily Show better. I look at it the way, if you dated Beyonce, you can either spend the whole time, or if you're married to Beyonce, you can either spend the whole time worrying that Beyonce is going to dump you or you can enjoy it. And go like, hey, if Beyonce dumps me, if Rihanna dumps me, I'll get something better than me.

1:35:29Because I could get Rihanna. Why do I think she's the best I can get? That means I can get the same or better. And so it's that. I feel like people spend, And I think it's also people do it because it's seen as a sign of adulting, like always worrying about stuff, always being anxious. And I don't believe in that because my mom told me, you should never grow up. Until you've grown up, you should never grow up. Then I'm like, oh, how will I know? She's like, you will know. But don't grow up because we're always forced to grow up. In school, people will always be worried. They'll be like, you're a kid.

1:35:59Why are you worried? Just enjoy this experience. Again, at the Daily Show, I remember you hired Visa, a producer. and after two weeks, she had never said anything in the meeting and she comes to me and she goes like, yo, can I have a word? And I went like, oh, what's up? Then she went like, how do you, how come you confidently pitch jokes and texts in a meeting yet you have an accent? How come that doesn't like hold you back? Because me, every time I try to say something, I start second guessing myself. Oh, is it smart enough? Would I seem dumb? Oh, this. Then I told her, I don't think about that.

1:36:34I feel like I belong in the room because I'm in the room. I don't feel any less mad because of my accent. I feel. So then I told her, it's like, and again, wrong, wrong analogy. I said, it's like being on Epstein's Island. No one is going around going like, hey, everyone assumes you're a billionaire celebrity and you belong. Was this the analogy you used then? I used the analogy of like, I used Illuminati. I was feeling you, you were changing my way of looking at the world. belong in the room. You know, then I'm like, okay, cool. And that one, then this guy, wow. No, listen, so I've updated it, but back then I said Illuminati.

1:37:15If you're in the Illuminati. So no, tell me the updated one then. So what's the updated one? So if you're at Epsons Island. No, don't update Epsons Island. I'm on Epsons Island, bro. Okay. Don't do that. Don't bring that juju here, bro. Okay, let me say, if there's a billionaires club and you show up, no one is going to go like, okay, let's check. Everyone assumes you're a billionaire because you're there. So I told this girl, The fact that you're at a daily show, everyone assumes you're smart. So you have the opposite of imposter syndrome is what you're saying. Yes, because I don't understand imposter, because I'm going like, you might say dumb stuff, but no one will assume you're dumb because you're in the room.

1:37:49But what if they do assume you're dumb? Why would they? No, but what if they do? Then I don't care because I don't care what people think about me. Ah, there you go. I don't. Okay, now there you go. Now you're getting an interesting thing. I've said this to like comedians when they go on stage and they are nervous. I go like, I don't care if I bomb because I know I'm funny. I've made people laugh all my life. if people so no no so this is actually what i'm trying to get to you see this is this is not now we've hit the nail on the head actually we've got we've gone deeper here you are how often would you say you buy clothes never my sisters buy me clothes but i've never gone shopping yes and only buy me clothes because they use my credit card so they're guilty so they go like let's buy him something let's give him something but you literally yeah i've never i've never ever ever heard you say the phrase i'm going shopping or i'm going to buy clothes ever ever ever doesn't interest me rolling with you anyone who knows you knows you're notoriously the guy who will be wearing like free t-shirts from like the local hardware store and local real estate agencies and like that's you and i remember one day saying to you this this is this is a crazy one i was going on a date one day and then joe and i walked back to the apartment you might have been there as well But we walked back to the apartment And then Joe went I was like, let me go get changed Then Joe was like, changed for what?

1:39:04I said, I'm going to go to a date And then you went But you're already dressed Then I said, no, no, I'm going to dress up For the date And this broke your mind Like I literally remember you going But you're dressed Then I said, yes, but I want to dress For the date And then you basically said Why are you trying to appear The way that you are not Why not just show up the way that you are And then I was like well then But then you're not putting your best foot forward And then you said something that has stuck with me forever You basically said If you're going to go on a date as your best self Meet somebody as your best self Have them fall in love with you as your best self and then turn into your real self, how can you blame them when they stop liking you?

1:40:01You like versus showing up as your real self with not your best clothes, with not your best vibe, with not your best energy, with not just you, not terrible, just you. And then I said, yeah, but then what if they don't like you? And then you said, well, then they don't like me. At least now I know that they don't like me versus they like me for who I'm not. And that's a weird, you don't understand how weird that is on an alien level. That's what I'm saying. Is don't care is like the wrong phrase sometimes because it makes it seem like, because you're a caring person. Do you get what I'm saying?

1:40:37Yes. Like if someone said, Joe, you make me uncomfortable. You wouldn't be like, I don't care what you think about me. That's not the same thing. No, but that's the trap though. Because the thing is, no matter when people go like, I don't care. The next logical progression of that is they turn into jackasses. so they turn into maybe Trump. People take, so when you have the ability not to care, people abuse it. Does that make sense? So they go like, I don't care what anyone thinks, and they think that's a license to be cruel, to be callous. So the trick is in avoiding that trap. You don't care about what people say or what people think of you, but you still care enough to be a civil human being.

1:41:21Does that make sense? You don't care about what they think. You care about what you think. Yes, what I think. I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror. So if I went on a date and lied to a girl, not lying, but if I dressed up or... Also, I'm putting too much stock in this girl. I'm just meeting you. Why do I care that much what you think? Why? And also, if you don't come into my life, then you're not in my life before. You're not in my life now. Nothing has changed. It's like this quote where it says, if you care so much about what people think, you'd actually be surprised at how much, how little they think of you.

1:41:53Yeah. I literally used to tell this to me. My mom used to tell me, hey, why are you going out like that? People tell me this at the day, because remember when he told me, Trevor always invites me to raid his wardrobe. Come and get, because we have the same shoe size and all that. Come and get whatever you want. And he invited me and I just took out one pair of sneakers. And he went like, yo, that's all. You've seen his house full of sneakers. And I went like, yeah. No, I've never. Then I went like, I'll just take one pair. Never. Why would I just? Where does he live? No, because he's never invited you because you don't have the same body type.

1:42:22So here's the thing. So he invites me and he goes, you're only taking one. Then I'm like, yeah, one is enough. And I've been wearing the same. Remember when you were like, you're still putting on the same shoe every day? And I went like, yeah. Because I don't have to wake up and think about what I'm going to dress up. I know what I'm going to dress up in because the shoe is there. And so for me, the way I look at it is, this is an interesting output is like this. I have so much aura. I don't need to add aura. I need to give to every chance. Because if I add too much aura now with clothes and how I look and this, Trevor has no chance.

1:42:53So when you have status, you don't need to put on status symbols. I don't need to wear a watch. I don't need to drive the latest car. I am enough. That makes sense. So to the point of, I don't care what people think. So my mom used to go like, how are you going to get out dressed to the point you're making? Why would you get dressed like that? And what will people think? Or like, yo, you put on that yesterday, you put on that shoe yesterday, or you put on that coat yesterday, people would think you're rebounding the clothes. And then I used to tell her, if someone loves me so much, they notice what I put on yesterday and today.

1:43:29Then they're such big fans, I shouldn't really care what they think. They're already such big fans because I don't notice what people wear. I literally don't. I don't wear what, I don't notice what, if people, I don't notice if you look different, if you change your hairstyle that much. I just go like, oh, I'm not bamboozled by the what you are. I like who you are. So it's the same thing. You know I have no FOMO. I'm not a FOMO guy. Yeah, you are FOMO-less. I'm a FOMO guy. Apart from when, oh, which book would I read? We did this. Remember when you had, when you taped your special, Netflix special?

1:44:02Yeah. And we went back to your place. And we were like a small gathering, you, your team, friends. And we were having a great time. It was a Saturday, I remember. We were having an amazing time. You know, a small party of close people were having fun were talking and all these and then around 2am you received a phone call from Dave Chappelle and it was like hey I'm at the SNL after party and Solange was performing oh yeah yeah that was when Beyonce and yes so then Dave Chappelle goes like Solange is performing or performed so Beyonce and Jay-Z are here do you want to come through and then you turn to everyone and you're like guys Beyonce, Dave Chappelle Solange Jay-Z at the S &O party, should we hit it?

1:44:45And everyone was like, hell yeah. And I was like, I'm not leaving. Because I went like, we have a good thing going here. This thing is amazing. Everyone was vibing. We're having a great time. Then everyone goes like, us, we are bouncing. Joe, you're crazy. Apart from the people I was talking to, who we were having a great time. There were like two girls and we're having a great time. So you guys bounce. We stay because we're having a great time. We're having a great time. And then you guys come back. 45 minutes an hour later and you go like, yo, Joe, it was dead out there. So I never have that thing of, oh, what is a grass greener and this and that.

1:45:22No, I just, I just love being in a moment, enjoying the thing. And so to that point, I've never seen the, I've never seen the, I've never had the urge to value add to myself. Don't press anything. We've got more What Now? after this. You're listening to a quick ad. You know what else is quick? Selling your car on Carvana. Just put in your vehicle information and we'll give you an offer. Done. No hassle. No negotiation. No guy from an online listing lowballing you. Which means by the time I'm done explaining this, you could have basically done it.

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1:47:48Can I have one more question? Speaking of alien things, how many cruises would you say you've been on? Too many to count. Too many that I have a personal cruise consultant. Yeah, we have to like give this context. So there's one thing that Joe loves more than anything in the world. That's football. If I was to put it in order, I would say family, football, and then in third place, cruise ships. Very close to that. This man loves going on a cruise ship more than any human being I've ever met in my life. if you've been on a cruise ship you've probably been on it with this man just give a number just so no because I try to go every break we have okay and at the daily show we have a bunch of breaks we just had one five weeks no we have like two weeks or three weeks so we just came off a month the one big beautiful break okay so I try to go because I come from a landlocked country yeah just tell us the number we're not near the number so I've been on probably wow more than 25 life more than 25 and i think that's underestimating it also the the time they started this is not your whole life yeah no no i started in 2016 yeah going on cruises yes how did you discover cruise did you watch love boat no because i just we have like the daily show right next to daily show there's a cruise ship terminal yes and i've always there's also a hustler strip club but you got into one and not the other.

1:49:26No. Okay, can we just pause for one second? Pause. I just need, sorry, this might be a waste of time. I just need everybody. Only now. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying. I'm deaf. I'm self-aware. No, no, I'm not saying me. I'm saying I'd like this to, I'd like people to take a moment and just do this. Think of when 2016 was, it was recently. And there was also the pandemic. Yeah. Just think of, and there's a pandemic minus. Three hours. So let's move that to 2019. Yeah. Okay. Let's move it to 2019. Think of what a cruise is. You've got it in your head. There's a ship. There's passengers. There's the whole setting of sail.

1:50:07Shrimp buffet. Okay. Now, if someone says, I've been in the last six years on 25 cruises and I'm not a cruise worker, not a captain of a ship. I've been a captain, though. I am the captain now. I've been the captain now. That would require, in the way you're saying there's a certain happiness, you know, like why he's happy, the questions you've been asking, you know, that would require some deep analysis. Do you know what I mean? It's not a simple thing. Yes, so what is it? Okay, so one quick thing is when you have a Ugandan passport, every airport you go to, you're almost taken to a corner randomly just for some questions.

1:50:58A cruise, you can move to multiple countries while avoiding that hassle of waiting at the airport, being taken out of line, having to apply for visas because some cruises, most cruises actually are, if you're on a cruise ship, you don't need a visa because they expect you to come back on the ship. International waters. Yes. So it's a very efficient and great way to travel to different countries. without the hassle. But also, I come from a landlocked country. We've never, I'd never encountered big waters like that. We have a lake, we have a river, but that's it. So when I came, I went like, oh, this is amazing.

1:51:34And then I also don't like, you know this about me, I don't like the minor stresses of thinking about food and this, and the cruise ship basically, it's like a kindergarten, but for travelers. Everything is catered for. Food is there, you know, you don't have to think of things. Now I have to go, oh, where can I find restaurants and all this and all that. So I like that. But I've been to so many to Dave's question that I've been invited many times to go meet the captain. Because, you know, when you're a frequent traveler, so to speak, they hold like... Frequent sailor. Yes, sailor. So they hold the reception for you.

1:52:05Yeah? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Yes. So when you're a frequent sailor... Yes. They give you a special hat and a special reception and then you go in... You know, you get to meet... They pull you out of the line still. Yes, yeah, you know, they hold like a thing. They help you. Yes. No, no. they go like we have a thing we're going to meet the day people they you know no way so then you so then the first one the first one i went to it was like a captain his crew and then the passengers had been brought were like all white and old yeah cruise very old like because they had been over the course of their years yeah because they had been on 10 cruises in their lifetime yes but which is like that's now you are you are like super vip because they were like in your lifetime you've been on 10 cruises.

1:52:50Meanwhile, here's Joseph. So then I turned up three years in 12 cruises deep. I turned up and they went like and because of probably the way I was dressed because it was cocktail but I was dressed the way I want. And I think they went like, oh, this must be one of the, you know, Somali pirates. Oh, yes. So, so I turned up. Yeah, exactly. Somali pirates raiding the ship. So I turned up and then I was the only black guy there. One. I was the only guy under 40. and so they go like, whoa, so how did you end up? They were really surprised. Every chance I get, every chance I get. So for me, I do this, and I do this with food as well.

1:53:34If I find something I enjoy, I do that thing, and I do it. I won't try to venture out. You don't value it. Yeah, same thing with like, when I eat, when I go out with you, I eat the same Indian food every time. Yeah. And you sometimes go like, oh, do a try, and I go like, no, but I found the thing that I like. So why should I try to affirm the thing that works for me? And so I feel like it could also be like, you know, when, when, when, though I was brought up, because my mom again to go back to her. So my mom taught me like certain things. One of the biggest things she gave me, I remember one of the biggest lessons, and she doesn't even remember it because mothers are like that.

1:54:09They say things and they don't think about them. So when we were teenagers, you know, you start sneaking around boys that sneaking around with girls you know corners around yeah yeah and my mama remember told me and i was too young to even think about girls like that and he was like hey if you ever want to get a girl please don't be like these friends of yours who we see at the side of gates you know in dark corners bring the girl home bring the girl home and let's meet her and so she told me whatever decision you make it should always be for you that makes sense whatever decision she told me you can if you want to do drugs, if you want to rob a bank, if you want to beat up teachers, do it for you.

1:54:51I'll back you 100 % of the way. The only thing I never want you to do is to try to pass the blame. So when you're like sewing, sewing, sewing, when the ripping comes, I don't want you to go like, oh, I was peer pressured by my friends to smoke or to do this or to do that. You have to own everything. So when the consequences come, I want you to go like, okay, I knew this was coming. So when I go like, oh, I love cruises. And people are like, oh, people laugh. I go like, no, but I'm comfortable with my choice. We don't laugh. We're fascinated. Okay, no, people are fascinated. I laugh. Yes, yeah.

1:55:27No, but I'm going to talk. I don't laugh at you. I laugh because it's a crazy thing. No, so I go like, every decision I make, if you told me, hey, let's go, GSE and Beyonce and these people, I'll go like, okay, now I won't go. So I won't have fun. I won't regret. So everything I do. You turned down a trip that we were going to go on once because there was a football tournament on TV. Then Joe was like, no, thank you. Then I was like, Joe, we're going to go travel. Costa Rica. We're going to go to Costa Rica. Then he was like, ah. He's like, are they going to have all the games? I was like, it's Costa Rica.

1:55:56He's like, yeah, but I'm not interested in Costa Rica. I'm interested in the, what tournament was it? It was the Confederation Cup. It was the Confed Cup, not the World Cup. The Confed Cup. Joe was like, ah, you guys will have to miss me because I have three games a day. Oh, man. Enjoy your trip to Costa Rica. Let me ask you this before we let you go. Because I haven't seen you in a few weeks now. What is happening in Uganda that Trump is deporting people to Uganda? Why is Uganda the threat? What do we not know about Uganda? That's become like the... Well, for starters, we gave you Zoran Mamdani.

1:56:29Yeah, but I mean... In Trump's book, that's already the original scene. No, I'll put it like this. I went back to Uganda during the one big, beautiful break. I went back on. Yeah. and first of all I thought and I was thinking because I had to come back so I came back and I was thinking Trump must have been so happy to see me go because he must have been like they are self-deporting now back to Uganda and then I surprised him and came back and that's why he died and then rose again I thought they were gone but now they are sneaking back and no so Uganda is funny in that I think Uganda is a huge ally of the United States yeah funnily enough like we help them in Somalia because our troops are in Somalia pursuing American interests.

1:57:15And Uganda is a poor country so money exchanges hands obviously. So I think Trump like made a deal with the Ugandan government to take these like people he wants to deport. Rwanda made the same deal funnily enough with prison. Yes. So yeah. So they make this deal. Do you know what the deal wait but what is the deal? Is the deal that they're going to go to a prison in Uganda? No, no, no. Because they literally said to one of the people they said you have two choices. Yes, Abrego. Yes. Yeah, they said you have two choices. You can go to prison or you can go to Uganda. Then I went, I know Uganda.

1:57:46I know people from Uganda. What am I missing that your punishment is Uganda? No, but I'll say this. All jokes aside, Uganda is a very hospitable country. So we have... But that's what I'm saying. No, but here's the thing. We have one of the most... No, but I don't mean hospitable like the way you think about it. We have one of the biggest... When it comes to taking in refugees, Yeah. we are one of the biggest, probably the biggest country. We're taking refugees from the Congo. We're taking refugees from Sudan. We're taking Nelson Mandela and the ANC activists. We always have very welcoming. We're taking people from Afghanistan.

1:58:17Even if one of the writers at the show made a joke, they would show up and go like, we thought we had it, but we need to go back. But the thing is, Ugandans are very welcoming. We are very, we're taking refugees like by the millions. Wow. We don't have, we're taking elitrians. We're taking, we don't have like the, what do you say xenophobia we don't go like oh that's a south african in africa like no but even america yeah but i'm saying like yeah like yeah you know ugandans are very and i think it's our it's because of because remember ugandans are the only country i think in africa which wasn't colonized we were a protectorate we basically invited the british over when okay guys come that's how hospitable yes and then they went like but we're colonizing kenya and when they Then they were like, okay, this is going to be a situation ship.

1:59:02And we didn't even fight. We never fought for independence. They were like, we're bouncing. This whole colonial project is not working out. We're bouncing. And we're like, okay, bye-bye. We are not that kind of people. Ugandans are very chill people, very hospitable, very nice people. I don't know what happened with Dave, but very, probably South Africa. But no, very, very. So we are open to people coming in. We are very open. And Uganda, fun enough, and I will think about this with Zoran, Uganda always finds itself. Such a small country, we find ourselves always at the like...

1:59:40We always find ourselves in like historic moments. Oh yeah. Always getting involved. Like the nexus of things that are happening. Yes. So for a small country, so I was telling, I was telling, I was telling a Jewish friend. I've told, you've seen me tell this to Jewish friends. I can never be anti-Semitic. I can never be because we offered them, the Jews before they went to Palestine. Yeah. They were supposed to come to Uganda. The British literally told them you can go to Uganda. This was post-World War II. Yeah, post-World War II. So Israel could have been in Uganda. I could have been the Palestinian, you know, activist.

2:00:13So they were actually this close to coming. And then they went like, ah, sorry, no. Uganda is very fertile, very nice place. And they went like, no, we're going to the desert. So then they go to Palestine. Another moment of Uganda being like in a weird global flashpoint. They hijack this plane. They fly all over the world. No one wants to take in a hijacked plane. Idi Amin goes like, I'll have them. Let them come and refuel. because Idi Amin was Muslim and he identified with the Palestinian cause. So they come in. And this is what I'm telling this story is going to become apparent in a short time.

2:00:43So they come in and then you've heard of the movie Ray Donentebe? Ray Donentebe is when the Israeli like commandos came to rescue the Israeli people who were hostages. Yes, who were on the plane. So they come in and guess who was leading that mission? Zohan? No, Benjamin Bibi Netanyahu's brother. Wow. He was the commander. He led that mission. And so they come and rescue the hostages, killed the Palestinian terrorists and all that. And then as they are leaving, a Ugandan sniper takes out the commander of the Israel commandos. Yo, what? He takes out Bibi Netanyahu's brother. And that's the incident that, when you read Bibi Netanyahu's book, that's the incident that radicalized him.

2:01:30That's his villain story. That's his origin story. Yo, what? That's his origin story. His brother was killed in Uganda because he had come to rescue. The movie, this is a very huge, if you talk about, if you talk to Jews, if you talk to Jews, this is a very big historical moment in the raid on Entebbe. And now, after all that, now Zora is causing chaos. Where is he from? Uganda. For such a small country, we always, so now, and the next thing you hear, Trump. Most people don't know this story about Uganda. Uganda was supposed to be the next Palestine. I think it came down to one vote. The Zionist, you know, league sat and they went like, nope, we want to go to the country we're promised and all that.

2:02:15But Uganda, because the British controlled Uganda, so they were going to go. And then now you have this and then Bibi Netanyahu. So all this, Bibi Netanyahu, the pain he has, the radicalization, the monster he has become, is all because his brother, his oldest brother. You can imagine how, like... Damn. Yes. Damn, Uganda. Huh? You're not gonna believe this. It's almost like swordfish.

2:02:44Oh my goodness. Ujili is like, what's happening right now? This guy is swordfished us. But also, look at the story we have with South Africa. Yeah. The story we have, most of the activists, why in Uganda? Because the South and Central countries, South and Central African countries used to sell them out to the apartheid government. Yeah. And the only country because Museveni was such a our president is such a pan-Africanist he yeah our national stadium is named after Mandela. You know what you're explaining about Uganda is so interesting. You know the story about how the French became the French?

2:03:23No. So during the You weren't born like that? During the roman empire machine rolling out in europe there was a small germanic tribe that told the romans that you're not gonna do that with us we're gonna self-determine we're gonna tell ourselves what to do they became the french oh okay oh this is the asterix and obliques complex basically right the yes yes yeah yes and then that's why when you speak your mind they say you're being frank and that's why the term franchising came from when you run your own little operation within a big operation so africa is franks and franchise is is uganda they were able to self-determine a lot of things and they were able to tell the big rolling out um machine which is was the british colonizers that hold on hold on we're gonna do it our way and that way no one ever wanted to do anything to them yes i always go the way do i think about it is i think uganda is like the forest gump of like international global relations we're always like in the middle of it but we're You're so small.

2:04:24You're up to Dampton Puss in Boots. You were there when every fairy tale was coming to an end. You were like, I was there. Yes. But I also think we're a very like country. I think the thing you were saying or the thing Dave was asking about why I'm always happy. I think I'm a lucky guy. I genuinely think. It's not a competition, but I think I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world. Everything I've done. You know my story. You know my story. I was a lawyer to become a comedian in Uganda. where there's no comedy ending up in New York, meeting you. You said this. You said this, I remember. You told me, because here's a funny story.

2:05:00So we start work. We hang out with Trevor. We start working together. You know, he goes like, oh, you know, I like your ideas. Let's work together. Then, you know, I get to meet his team. Then he goes, okay, how about you write for me? This was pre-Daily Show. And I remember I told Trevor, but I'm also a comedian and I can't give you my best bits. And also besides, you're a real comedian. You can't afford me. And so when, and then Trevor goes like, touche. And so when Trevor got the Daily Show, The first text he sent me, I remember you were in the Middle East. He told me, I can afford you now, bitch.

2:05:28That was his job offer. That was his job offer.

2:05:35It started with an HR violation. So anyway, the reason I say I'm lucky is Trevor told me something that also stayed with me. Remember you told me, if I didn't come to the US, I'll never end up with you. because you kept asking sometimes for me to come over and then you also told me if you didn't because my visa was three months you told me if you had come three months before you would never have met because I was on the road if you had come three months after you would never have met because I was now at the daily show I'm not meeting randoms at the comedy setter so I feel like for me everything and it goes back to the thing I was telling you being born a guy in Africa because in Africa a girl to live a thriving low career to become it's everyone goes this was a waste of money but a guy people go like oh boys will be boys and you know when you come from a supportive family and a tight knit family and you know not everyone has that and so when I left law to become a comedian when there's no comedy in Uganda I remember everyone went like oh this guy has lost it because there were people who thought because I had done so well in my SATs I was basically sponsored by the government to study law and the people said oh people thought I was going to be that only general and so people went like oh he has wasted his potential the attorney general people thought I was on the fast track that was like your natural progression At some point you'd be the Attorney General of Uganda.

2:06:54They thought, that was their dream for me. It wasn't my dream. So I remember everyone went like, oh, he has lost his mind. And the only person who understood was my mom. My mom told me, oh, you've never messed up. I don't think you're about to start. So all that, like the lack of coming from people who are supportive, lack of having a tight-knit family that can trust, the lack of drawing or attracting, ending up with very nice people in your life. people don't count those blessings or people don't go like oh not everyone has like very supportive friends or good friends or like interesting friends even and so for me i'm always like to go to the question dave was asking of being happy i'm always like counting my blessings i was like oh wow oh wow look everything that has happened to me is way better than my like craziest dreams it doesn't mean you stop working but it just you just go like wow i'm really hashtag winning at life it's your opio the luckiest man alive this was fun man also the most interesting man in the

2:08:05this was fun for you that's that's what i do i do it for myself yes it's fun for you hang out with me for two hours and we're not watching a football game i've never no matter when i hang with you for two hours, this, Sam. That's how I have to brave you. That's how I have to bribe you, basically. I'm going to, there has to be some reward for me. Exactly, that's what I mean. And then you brought Eugene.

2:08:26Now we are taping this threesome. And Eugene is doing all the watching, which makes it very uncomfortable. He's sitting in his cack chair. Oh, man. This was fun, Joe. Thank you. No, Trevor, it was a pleasure, man. It was a pleasure, brother. Oh, thank you, Dave. Thank you very much. Thanks for being the viewer's voice. You know, before we go, let me tell you one story about Trevor. Because people don't know this about Trevor. Because what was asking me, and I've seen people write about you and people don't understand. People who haven't met you. And it goes back to the thing you're saying now, just thanking me.

2:09:02Trevor changed my life, essentially. Right? He did change my life, you know, coming to the Daily Show. And I remember. And he has done things for me. He's taken me to Barcelona a bunch of times. Gotten me to meet, like, my biggest footballing heroes. taken me to two world cups and i remember trevor sent me a text message i don't know if i remember okay i remember when they first gave me the first time i realized he was a nice guy really when trevor hired me you might text you sent me no he sent me a text but said hey joe it might not work out right you know you could come go crazy or whatever you know you're in showbiz for the first time you're ugandan you could you know i don't know how you there's never been a ugandan in showbiz it's not your natural habitat.

2:09:42I don't know how you would respond. And basically went like, yo, if it doesn't work out, promise me we'll always be friends. Because we were friends before the daily show. We shouldn't be friends if it doesn't work out. And then I read that text message. I went like, wow. Because you know in Africa, when someone does you a favor, they make you aware that they do a favor. That's why we have no blood donations and organ. You would know. Someone's cornea, you would know. I was like this man should be telling me hey if it doesn't work out I'll never talk to you ever again but it was okay and then the other text you sent me this was before we went to the World Cup you went like you've enriched my life and all this and all this no no this was after the World Cup I think I don't know I did something I think it was when I did the World According to Football thing I don't know we've done so much together where he helped me like win an Emmy essentially but again lack because remember how I came onto that project it was like almost like you know it was like and then after we do the project we finish it and we're like oh man thank you so much you've changed you know this you know writes the same you know usually white driver stuff you know when the white side comes out yes you changed my life and I was like here comes the whiteness it almost feels like he writes them with a pen feather yeah from the governor I write these so he writes these and he goes like you've enriched my life and I was, I read it and I literally went like, yo, if someone was keeping count, I'm winning way harder in this relationship than you are.

2:11:17You know, you're taking me to the World Cup, done this, done this, make me. I'm here. Yes, no, but like, I've done things through you which I would never have done or which are like beyond my craziest dreams. But Trevor will literally thank you even if, when it comes to friendship, like if you're keeping score, he's losing like crazy. I'm like, eight nil up and he's like, oh, Joe, you've given me an amazing game. It's funny because I said this the other day. I said, in the years that I've known, because you know as humans, we're trying to rack up as much karma, karmic points as possible. I said, your frequent mileage is crazy.

2:11:50You've racked up so much good karma your way. And it's evident people don't need to be paid to say it. They just live it as well. And without, by the way, without keeping score. Yeah. Without. 100%. I get it. Yeah. There are people who are, and I think you might be one of them. There are people, so my sister, My twin sister is one of them. You have a twin sister. Two hours later. Thankfully, though, she doesn't look anything like me. Is it her talking now? I'll say a funny story about her. Funny story about her. She is 15 minutes late because my mom didn't realize she had twins till when I came out.

2:12:28Wow. Because we didn't have scans and all that back then. So she thought she just had a big baby or whatever. So she goes to give birth. And I come out and she goes like, thank god and then the nurses are like oh sorry plot twist there's another one yeah there is yeah another one but like to the point i was trying to make my twin sister is i know a few people it's my twin sister my young brother i have a very good like person called sharon they're very they're very nice people you know poor are genuinely nice and not forever because i'm nice but i know i'm nice does that make sense i'm nice consciously i go like there's no reason to be a dick to people.

2:13:08And then there are people who are just nice. So if my sister gives someone money and they don't bring it back and you go like, okay, and then they come back and then you go like, don't give them money. But that's what I'm supposed to do. She doesn't think through the act. So Trevor is the same way. He will do things without. Well, other people, keep going, so exactly, you know, get me a job. Other people go like, I'm doing you a favor. I'm changing your life and bring you to a medical league then for me goes like no man whatever happens this the thing not spoil the thing we have very kind no no no no like most people don't know this about you because they read but no people who know you and i think eugene you would agree never keeps score doesn't even think about it hey yo let's go to cutter hey yo let's go to hey okay and then he goes oh thank you for and then you're like i should be the first one no i said thank you because you make this thing What is this, man?

2:14:01Thank you. All right, we got it, folks. Thank you. For real, man. Thank you, Joe. No, this was a pleasure, bro. Thank you, my man. This was a pleasure.

2:14:12Apple Card is designed to support your financial well-being. With unlimited daily cash back on every purchase and the ability to track your spending on your iPhone, Apple Card helps you lead a healthier financial life. So you can stress less about money and focus more on enjoying life. You know, it's actually funny. A lot of people ask me, Trevor, what do you think about money? Or where did you learn about money? And I'll say there are two places where I learned the most about money. Well, three, technically. The first one was my mom. My mom always used to say a very simple thing to me. She would say, do not spend money you do not have, which I know sounds simple, but is a lot more complicated than you think.

2:14:58You know, sometimes you see something you want to buy it and you're like I can buy it. Can I afford it? Can I not afford it? And my mom would always just go do not spend money. You do not have The question is how do you know when you have the money or when you don't have the money? That's where the second piece of advice came in I was at a store and I wanted to buy an ice cream A very expensive ice cream. It had almonds and it was covered in white chocolates Now I know some of you are thinking to yourself. How can an ice cream be that expensive? of, look man, at this time of my life, this was one of the most extravagant purchases a person could make.

2:15:32So I didn't know whether I could buy the ice cream or not. And I was with a friend and I said, I don't know if I should buy this ice cream. And he said, here's a piece of advice. If you can buy two of them and not flinch, then buy one. And I was like, damn, Changed my whole life If you can buy two Then Buy one I bought that ice cream I bought a few of those ice creams Third piece of advice The third piece of advice was The advice that my wallet gave me When I opened it And there was nothing inside of it And my wallet looked up at me And it said Leave money inside me Trevor I don't like being hungry Now you're probably thinking wallets don't talk They do when they left empty as long as mine was Don't spend what's not inside your wallet What's that?

2:16:28Who am I speaking to? Oh, just generally when I talk about money I like to imagine my financial advisor sitting next to me It just helps me It's probably advice I've given myself Imagine somebody was next to you giving you advice about your money How would you act? Because if there was somebody there you probably wouldn't do the same thing So that's my advice is imagine you were with you when you were doing something. Ask yourself what you would do. You find it would be very different. You know what I mean? See? They agree. Did I misrepresent you? No? Okay. Remember, Apple Card is good for your wallet.

2:17:05It's designed to support your financial well-being. It's a no-fee credit card that lets you track your spending on your iPhone. Plus, you can get unlimited daily cash back on every purchase. Stress less about money and focus more on enjoying life. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval, Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.74 % to 27.99 % based on credit worthiness. Rates as of November 1, 2025. Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app or at card.apple.com.

2:17:45Some transactions may not be displayed in Maps. Terms and more at applecard.com.

2:18:15Ryan Harduth. Thank you so much for listening. Join me next week for another episode of What Now?

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