André The Giant, Tom’s Man Room and Rom the Sex Symbol

0:00Hello! Welcome to the Wolf and Owl email special with me, the wolf, and this guy, the owl.

0:23Romesh Ranganathan:It's the email special for this Friday, bitches, and we are going through some emails from you, wolfowlpod at gmail.com and we were gonna you bet we're gonna go through them you got it right now that's one here's our first one hello there in an episode a while back you dropped the recording late and subsequently made a mildly self-deprecating comment that no one would notice slash no one commented us to the gap this email is for no real reason other to confirm that you definitely were missed for those two small days and every passing wednesday in february has been a bit like checking the mail to see if your bno fan club documentation has arrived yet you guys are the best you pick us up sometimes when we're down not just with humour but through being real open in yourselves fingers crossed you bless our ears again together soon but obviously no pressure loving the new RR show and best of luck on the tour TD and I would just say in recent episodes you guys had a real spark your giggles were plenty and it was really enjoyable it's sort of a slight suggestion in the early episodes I guess I should actually ask a question as is the general reason for such emails do you guys each have a favourite or standout friendship memory or moment with each other Much love, the procrastinating pangolin, probably taken.

1:29Romesh Ranganathan:How about this? The curious giraffe weevil. I love it when people come out of such inventive animals. What, do you love it when? When people come out of such inventive animals. So, Tom, what's your standout friendship moment? This is actually a great question. I really like this. Sometimes, do you ever make a little montage in your head of special moments? No. What? Like, if I close my eyes now, I'd think of montage moments of our friendship and just really like smile. I think for me at the moment, first time I ever saw you do stand up. I could get a sleep actually. We talked about that recently.

2:04Yeah. You're quite bullish and off with me. I think by far the opposite, my friend. I think that moment, I think that was a moment, I think the first moment when we went away together to Vic and Bob, I think we cemented our friendship. That's lovely, yeah. Do we know one of the happiest moments? What? When I watched you do the play.

2:23Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, okay. I need to talk about this well go on the play yeah you phoned me afterwards yeah it's one of the nicest phone calls I've ever had in my life well I was blown away you but you know obviously you're very nice about the play but it was what I really loved about it was how supportive and I could tell I mean this is how it felt it felt like my your perception of the success my success in the play was your success as well like do you know what I mean Like I felt like you were feeling it for me the way that you would feel it for yourself. There was no, it was so, it was magic. And I, I sat in that audience.

3:02I was just, I knew the pressures that were on. I, you know, it was a press night, big thing, but also I genuinely, I can't remember the last time I felt so much pride in another human, but like just so proud of you. I thought it was amazing.

3:13Romesh Ranganathan:I felt the same when, um, we came to the Wonka premiere. Really? Um, I'd love to have been sat with everyone else, but I understand this. there's a lot of people can I say but that was that was the one with the awful Tyson Fury thing for me that was yeah that was that marred it well so we sat in the is it Royal Festival Hall wasn't it yeah sat in the Royal Festival Hall for the premiere I'd obviously had that horrible thing where I got dropped off at the wrong bit and fell fallen over on the red carpet it was my first act yeah one of the official photos is me tying up my shoelaces anyway then came in yeah sat inside you obviously were doing your thing or whatever press and stuff and then you get put up on the screen yeah doing the tyson fury hands doing the tyson fury hands and the truth is that guy had said tom tom because i had a joke in my spate he'd been to see my my stand-up show so i had a joke about people saying that so he made the joke he'd been at south end i made a joke about doing it so i did it as a laugh i didn't realize that that was the thing that was going to get sort of well you It was broadcast to the whole cinema.

4:24I look like a fucking idiot. I don't think you look like an idiot. It's an insane thing to do for someone who's not a boxer or playing a boxer in a film. Like in a kid's movie and I'm like that. But yeah, I have so many memories. And so it's, yeah, it's a very nice thing. Recently, actually, I called you recently. Yeah, you did, yeah. I had a long chat, didn't I? Long chat, yeah. I don't think I've ever, I felt like in that moment, like, you know, I've always thought of you as a best friend, but actually to be able to open up and chat to someone and that level, I felt very blessed.

4:59Romesh Ranganathan:I consider you family. Likewise. You're a very special person. So thank you very much for this. It got me right in the feels. Yeah. I hope the next emails is beautiful. Yeah. That's really lovely. Thank you so much. And I hope you've enjoyed these, these, the podcasts coming back. Yeah. And thank you for bearing with. K-pop demon hunters, Saja Boys breakfast meal and Huntrick's meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day. It is an honor to share.

5:32No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really. Stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. And participate in McDonald's while supplies last. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for$15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only.

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6:17Romesh Ranganathan:well for now can we i think we need to like reset a bit yeah because even the way you closed off that was a bit like i don't know it's a bit what do you mean like morose not morose we've become we've become a bit earnest yeah we've switched into that we need to sort of reset yeah okay knobs would you okay here we go um fuckos uh shitting would you rather eat from my belly button on my ass okay good question all right this is great this is good shit what what is the food uh whatever sort of burrito filling you like so okay so like refried beans bit of guac yeah jalapenos yeah and they're in your either in your belly button or your ass yeah ass crack yeah i think it's got to be belly button right so my belly button can get quite fluffy at times i know but it's not hairy yeah but you're not shitting out of it are you no not at the moment let's see how this medical thing develops

7:24Romesh Ranganathan:so belly button yeah yeah belly button you don't get as much food no i mean i would that that did go into my consideration that i would be getting less of the food yeah but then i'd have to keep on topping up and i don't i think my belly button's deceptively small from man of my side idea if you're just getting a spoon and going who wants some more not off the spoon mr ranganathan Just smearing the top of it flush with a spatula. Well, for now, I was at my favourite independent coffee shop last weekend. Small place, nice staff. They remember your order. I fucking love that. I paid contactless and said thanks and left.

7:59Later that afternoon, I checked my banking app and realised they'd only charged me£1.20 instead of£12. I absolutely noticed at the time that the total felt low but didn't say anything. Now I can't decide if I've committed a tiny crime or this is just a universe. This is a fucking reach, by the way. I'm surprised you're not hurt. I'm surprised you're not hurt. You're back with this fucking reach. It's been three days. I haven't gone back. I feel weird about it. Do I go in and confess, wait until next time, or accept that I've accidentally robbed them? Anonymous. I think you've, this sounds like, I mean, it's a very small chain.

8:38it's a little independent place yeah i think you you have to go back in you have to there's no way around it and go back in and say look hands up this has happened i feel absolutely mortified about it um and then do a massive order but do a um l l call j put your money away i'm about to buy the bar when did he do that he does it one of his songs oh i see sorry so he says i don't think

9:10Romesh Ranganathan:I mean, his songs are not documentaries. No, no, I'm just saying. Okay. He's the only person I can think who's definitely said that in a really cool way. Okay. And I think, turning around, I think he says it in, what's it say, baby girl was dripped in Chanel, so she didn't turn back. Yeah. Yeah. Put your money away, my better way to bar. I didn't realise that Ray Winston spat a hot 16 on that tune. So I think you've got to go in and just go, hey um i did a really bad thing last week yo um and i feel really sick about it i took yeah i didn't pay enough for my coffee it's that i'm getting coffee in some danishes i feel bad so you know what level up and then buy some more bits like spend 35 quid in there and give them the 12 pounds those little independent places man can i tell you i mean you're in the game you're in the you're in the biz you got a little that look well say a little bakery you got that's Big company.

10:04You've got a big chain there. Can I say Sean Coughlin, by the way? What a guy. I absolutely adore Sean Coughlin.

10:10Romesh Ranganathan:He's very upset about your cake story that you told. He's just such a nice man. Do you know he went to my mum and dad's? Yeah, yeah, he told me, yeah. Such a good guy. Yeah. So sweet. Just a very earnest human being. Yeah, nice, good guy. Top guy. I'll tell you what, you've got a good one there. Yeah. I feel proud of you. He said you said that to him. No, I did say that to him. No, what was it? He's one of the good ones. look it's straight down the barrel you can't help who's one of the good ones i did not do that you did yeah who's one of the good ones i did not do that did i do that that bit at the end yeah i didn't i didn't think you did like a little character okay what do you think in this conundrum um i okay imagine it's a branch of coughlands liz from coughlands calls and she says hello rom uh we've had a bit of a problem gov um one of our local customers came in today uh he had coffee two croissants and a bacon roll and i charged him one pound 20 instead of 12 pound i'm so sorry i know you get angry in this sort of situation and what happened to um before we get into any details how the fuck did you get my number oh sean's away and said to contact you.

11:23Romesh Ranganathan:Don't ever, don't ever, ever contact me about this or anything. Well, it's also written in the toilets and some of the pubs around. Yeah. So if you, if you're after fun times, follow the instructions. That number's for fun times. Okay. Sorry. So what do you want us to do about this? I couldn't give a fuck, Liz. Speak to Sean about it when he's back, all right?

11:49Okay.

11:50Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. All right. Why are you still here? Bye. Are you doing any more of the weakest link? Shut up. Something like that. I'm trying to end the call. I think, there's a number of things, I think. If we were to examine where I think you've made misjudgments, 120 sounds too little for anything you can buy in a coffee shop, particularly an independent single. Yeah, but I will say that in their defense, contactless-wise, I don't sometimes look at it. No, but they said they knew at the time. It felt low. It felt low, yeah. You're 120. What are you going to get for 120? Yeah, I don't know. Blowing a bottle of water.

12:19Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Maybe in Coughlin's. confidence is probably the most reasonable sort of price bakery in the market i'd say what you can get for 120 anyway so you did know at the time that's the that's a misjudgment yeah you didn't say anything now what you're doing is you're trying to swage your guilt by now my this is a bit bad actually i feel like i've got a bit of a gray area on this i would feel a lot less bothered about this if it was costa or starbucks yes same same i sort of think can i just say that but then And you say that, but then shit runs downhill. Agreed. And crime is crime. It's poor Liz.

12:56No, it's poor Liz. Starbucks and Costa are going to be harsher to a member of staff than Barry and Sue have got this coffee shop.

13:02Romesh Ranganathan:Now, you've got an obstacle. So first of all, this idea that it's redistribution of wealth is not acceptable. Okay? You need to pay this money back, in my opinion. In fact, you don't need to do anything. Okay? The truth is you can keep the money if you want. I think the right thing to do, the kind thing to do, and we should all be striving to be kind in our lives, shouldn't we? You got it. Is to go and pay this money back. Now, the fact that you have to say it is an obstacle, right? Now, the only result that will make this fair, all you need to happen is for them to pay the money they're owed, okay?

13:34Romesh Ranganathan:You don't actually have to make an apology, in my opinion, right? In situations like this, think about the result. The result is they are a tenner shot of what they should be, right? And you want to address that. Well,£10.80. Yeah. So what you want to do, in my opinion, is figure out the most frictionless way to do it. And this would be my tip for you. Go in there, buy something. You don't have to say that you underpaid last time. And then you say, can I add a tip? And you tip for the amount that you were short by. Yeah. The coffee shop is all squared up. You're all squared up, sort of karma-wise.

14:12Romesh Ranganathan:And you haven't had to have an awkward conversation. You can feel free to continue to shop there. Or you just put£10.80 in a tip jar. It's essentially the same answer. Yeah, but you haven't got to make a big deal of doing it on your credit card. All right, fine. Oh, that's actually a good point. That's actually a really good point. Because then they might go, oh my God, I can't believe you're giving such a tip. Then suddenly you get some good stuff out of it. If the coffins with tips, if they go on cards, do you and Sean keep them or do they go to the staff? We've used a lot of it to sort of buy head merch for my tour.

14:46Romesh Ranganathan:No, I think they get a start. Are you a big tipper? Yeah, I like a tip now and again. But I also, I'm not a frivolous tipper. What does that mean? I tip if I think something's... Oh, no, I just tip anyway. No, no, no. I mean, unless they're shit. With me, if they're not shit, you're getting a big tip. Yeah, yeah. Because I just sort of think that job's hard. Yeah, no, yeah. But I mean, if they're shit, I'm not... No, if they're shit, then no. But like most Deliveroo... Can I say, by the way? I go big. This time of year, Deliveroo drivers. Don't do this. No, I feel so sorry for them. Yeah, of course.

15:18That's what I mean. So it's quite hard. To be fair, I also feel like I want to chat to them and make them feel like respected and loved. But then also I'm like, they've got other places to be.

15:29Romesh Ranganathan:So it's a tricky balance. Yeah. Yeah. I love. Yeah. I'll often put a tip. To my favorite podcast in the world. I slipped on a wet pavement recently. Not dramatically, just one of those awkward flailing moments where time slows down and you realize you're not as nimble as you thought what struck me wasn't the fall itself it was a recovery i didn't spring back up i checked my wrist like a victorian gentleman a stranger asked if i was all right and i weirdly said yes yes absolutely brushing off imaginary dust from my coat it hit me that there was a time i would have laughed and bounced up instantly at what point does falling over stop being funny and start being a minor life event the wary wombat thanks wary wombat for your um email um what's your answer this time well yeah kosh my back outside selfridges when i did that had that awful trip oh yeah of course that was terrible do you want to tell it again like we've never heard it before long ago on this podcast big big fans of the show would have listened to it uh and they could probably go and shout out to both of you um i've had it a few times recently i've slipped and fallen and And also, just genuinely, I've started to feel like time is creeping up on me.

16:41Old Father time. Yeah. I had a thing recently. I was traveling. And I was traveling in a car. A car you know. Gratis Torque. Okay. And we were in the car for like 12 hours. Yeah. And I literally, for a day after, I couldn't even, I was in agony. if you know andre the giant you hear stories about him when he was traveling around yeah he used to just have to drink wine and just get drunk because everything was he could never he was hardly ever comfortable unless he was in his own house with his big chair i know by the way i think about andre the giant four times a day you just make shit up don't you no i swear

17:20Romesh Ranganathan:unless there's four pictures of andre the giant in your house i don't believe you there's one picture okay where upstairs in my room you've got okay fine i accept that yeah in my man man room in your what room my man room with my my your what room my man cave you've got a man cave it's not a man cave it's like what is it well it's pictures i like and some old football shirts how often do you go in there has it got furniture yeah it's got no just i don't just walk around it like it's an art gallery like it's a tate um yeah it's got like a sofa in there right how often are you in there well to be fair i've been slipping in there more than i would like to at the moment playing fifa i got back into the habit like a crackhead yeah i got back into the old fifa habit um which i'm a little bit embarrassed about um catherine was like you're going it's becoming a problem again why she said it's coming a problem so you're not allowed to play fifa no because i'm obsessive i've got such an addictive personality okay but i can't just have a game yeah i'm in i'm completely immersed do you play online no no no i've got a career mode okay yeah i'm juventus at the moment right i'm lucky to be in a job if i'm going to be completely honest spent a lot of money in my first season uh complete turnaround of the squad um and missed out on champions league football oh that's a shame so yeah they give me a little bit of time to turn things around as you can imagine that's playing have a couple of times quite a lot of the time uh so i've been yeah so katherine will go um i'm just gonna you know I'd at least have the night time routine.

18:51I was going to do my face, do my creams. I'm like, okay, cool, yeah. And then she'll go, I know what you're doing. And you can just hear me creeping upstairs to have a quick game of FIFA. How long do you think you'll be, roughly? Like 20 minutes? Should be able to get two, four-minute-and-a-half games in. So there's a transfer window, doesn't it? Anyhow, my point being, yeah. So I think about Andre Jarrell because he can never be comfortable. The older he got, the more his body started falling as a giant. and I'm not quite a giant but I feel it now. Yeah. The age.

19:22Romesh Ranganathan:Regular listeners will know that I talked about many years ago now. It feels like many years ago. I don't know when it was. I was sort of aggressively VIP'd into Medusa's cocktail bar in Crawley. Yeah, yeah. We remember. Tripped over the corner of the lounge VIP bit and smashed onto the floor at such a speed that both drinks I had in my hands were empty as I landed. Oh, man. My elbow's still not the same. What? Yeah. I fell onto both my elbows and they both really sore the next day. Yeah, I remember the elbow. And this elbow still's not 100 % from that. Man. And that wouldn't have happened if that happened to me in my 20s.

19:58Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. And there was quite, was it some girl really like nasty to you afterwards? Yeah. Don't talk, let's not talk about that. Just remember someone being mean to you in there as well. Have I told you about the other thing that happened in Majusis? Have I told the story about the girl that showed me the photos? Yeah. No, what photos? I must have told this story. Yeah, you probably have, but my brain is gone. go on this girl came up to me in medusa's one night yeah and she was really excited like really excited to see me right she came to me i've got to show you this i love your show so much i said okay and she showed me a photo and in the photo in her bathroom were two vibrators and one said rob and one said romesh oh my you've never told this story no what the fuck that is insane You are like, you know, you're a sex, you're a guy.

20:52Romesh Ranganathan:I'm not, somebody with a fucking, who's sharpied the word Romesh onto a vibrator does not make me a fucking sex symbol. Mate, that is sexy. Mate, you're the seventh sexiest man in the world. In the UK, by the way, in the UK, on a fucking divorcee's website. Yeah, mate, that's still something. Number one, Jeremy Clarkson. No, can I just, mate, can I just say that? Someone's written your name on a dildo. That means they're fantasizing. Okay, a vibrator. That means that they're sexually fantasizing about you at least a couple times a week. They've got your name written on there. They've got Rob's name written on as well.

21:24Oh, yeah, they'd like to mix it up. Have they got Rom or was it Romesh?

21:30Romesh Ranganathan:I think it said Romesh. Wow, the whole name. So it's not even like the program. Yeah. Ironically, I couldn't do that myself. It'd have to be RR, I think.

21:44Romesh Ranganathan:No dot. row

21:48Romesh Ranganathan:wow fucking hell yeah weird isn't it you got some big swaggy moments in your life that's not a swaggy moment it's a weird story that happened yeah but that's an incredible thing like think of all the names that she could have put on those vibrators I mean it is I would describe it as an incredible coincidence that she's got that taken a photo of it and then met one of the guys so is there pictures of you on the wall as well just no no it was literally just it was written on wow oh my god that's insane also why do you take a picture of those I don't know in case to show other people I guess I guess so she thinks it's funny or like you know maybe she's going with Juicers and she said that Romesh frequents there do you go there quite a lot no I mean that's that's a hell of a that's a hell of a Hail Mary yeah yeah if she doesn't I mean if you go there what twice a year yeah and she's holding on to Did she have to scroll through her pictures quite a long way?

22:46No, every picture was that.