Body Image, Infestations & Fantasy Football

0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome to the Wolf and Our Podcast with me, Romesh Ranganathan. And me, Lazy Dick. Do you ever... What are you doing? Just texting Catherine. What are you saying? Romesh is really funny today. You're not saying that. Romesh looked hot today and I've just sent that picture to you. You've sent that picture to Catherine? Yeah. I'm going through a phase of thinking I look terrible at the moment. I'm not bothered about it, but it's not... I haven't got it. I haven't got it at the moment. Yeah, I know that feeling. Yeah Sad isn't it I don't think I've ever Not had that feeling Mmm

0:35Romesh Ranganathan:Yo Yo what you want Beak or jaws Feathers or fur Sharp teeth or feet with claws Whatever's preferred Just kidding Every word in this song Is about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome to the Wolf and Al Poddy Pod podcast Yo How are you Tom? Good yourself? Really good I say good I say good Oh no We've had a nits outbreak in the Davis household. Okay. I would say that you're pretty clear. Yeah, I'm all right. I'm okay. Okay, so Catherine and Little G? Yeah. I mean, obviously, as a bald person, nits is something that I can just walk around life. That's like an arid desert. Yeah, yeah.

1:17Romesh Ranganathan:Apparently, you can get in your beard. Yeah, I can imagine so. Nits in your beard, that's funny. Yeah, I've checked they're not there. Right. but yeah the process of getting them out have the boys had knits yeah it's a mission not for a long time but yes no no yeah what did you do well firstly you've got to comb it yeah to see if they've got it then you put the knits mousse on yeah which stinks knit mousse yeah yeah and then you leave that on for 15 minutes 20 minutes and then you comb it see if the knits are all out and then you've got to shampoo and wash the hair yeah we found this out late last night just at bedtime yeah what you you like discovered that she had yeah well I was like she's itching her hair and we're like do you think it's nits and I thought well she's been in the pool a lot maybe it's just chlorine yeah and then yeah did the test had to get what's the test you were just a comb you could try and find something yeah and then we're mad it was on the toilet paper you can see them alive yeah yeah horrible isn't it yeah it's grim and then yeah it was all what ends to the knit station.

2:24But it was fucking... And then obviously poor Caffin then checks her head. Yeah, she's got them. She's got them. My sister. Your sister's got them? Your nephew? They came round. So yeah. Oh no. Poor little G. Yeah. I had to sit down and say, listen, you've got knits.

2:40Romesh Ranganathan:Do you sit like that? Yeah. I want to sort of like get ready for something. But that makes it sound really serious. Listen, there's no easy word of me telling you this. You're going to cry. But you're going to get through it. And we'll get through it as a family. Significantly worse for you and your mother and anyone else who's been in this house with hair. So now we have to, it's like, you know, people with like STIs. You've got to then contact everyone we've been around with. Yeah. And then obviously, as a side note, you've had to do the STI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. I hope that didn't ruin your weekend.

3:12No, it's okay. But yeah, I thought I'd better tell you. Yeah. Just in case you gave Lisa cooties.

3:19Romesh Ranganathan:I shouldn't be updating this on the podcast, but a little bit of cream cleared it up. Herpes. Herpes, right. You had some herpes around the lips, didn't you? Lucky that moustache covered it up. Have you ever had cooties or herpes? Have I ever had cooties or herpes? They're the same thing, right, John? I don't think they are the same thing. What are cooties? I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before. Have we? On an early episode, yeah. Okay. I don't know what cooties are. What are cooties? Mouth. I thought cooties are... Isn't that what you call people from the Southeast Asia region?

3:53Okay, so it's a sort of imaginary contagion that kids use. Fictional childhood disease that children use to playfully describe germs or avoid peers of the opposite sex.

4:01Romesh Ranganathan:Well, I say they're playing fast and loose with the word playfully there. Kids' lives were destroyed as a result of being told they had cooties. Did you ever get said that you had cooties? No, but there was one kid in particular who got it bad and it was horrible. And I look back on that time and I think, I wish I'd stood up for that kid more than I did. Did you ever say that he had cooties? No. Okay. No, but what would happen is that you would get worried about hanging out with him too much. Yeah. Because then you might get tired. Yeah, you'd catch cooties. I wasn't worried about catching cooties.

4:35Romesh Ranganathan:No, but cooties being like this fake disease. It's such a horrible, horrible thing. Yeah. like that whole concept of like just suddenly deciding yeah that this kid is completely off limits i've been that kid yeah but you had an actual thing didn't you i'm talking about i'm talking about when they're imagining i don't have an sti when i was 14 i don't think i don't think when the kids are saying you've got cooties they're saying it's an sti mate so but her mouth herpes are a thing right because once you get mouth herpes you can never come back from it Well, you can come back from it, but I don't.

5:09No, no.

5:10Romesh Ranganathan:People have gone on to live quite normal lives with it. Yeah, but it's always in you. It's always in you. Because if you do a job. Same thing as fat cells. What? I believe. Fat cells? Yeah. Well, so if you lose fat, oh, yeah, it can always come back to fat. Well, because the cell goes like that, doesn't it? Right. But it's still there, and it could go like that again. Oh, my God. Well, me and you both know that. I have got subcutaneous fat around my midsection, right? Yeah. You and me both. so soft fat that is yeah so there's better though by the way yeah that is better because I've got the worst one cosmetically unappealing yeah and it's more difficult to get rid of but it's less health of effecting yeah which is good it's the visceral fat that's the best you've got a problem with that yeah I went to a doctor he was like my stomach was really hard rock hard rock hard yeah so he's like your visceral fat is well above what it should be so you got to do some serious work to lose visceral fat we really are the uk segura and krischer is that what they're talking about i'm pretty sure that's what they're talking about but visceral fat is yeah it's anyway the point is i then started to look into extreme waste to get rid of it right i don't want to have liposuction no is that one of the things they do to get rid of it yeah liposuction what is liposuction it's where they stick like two they stick pipes into and then just sort of pump it out.

6:35Romesh Ranganathan:And then you get given a jar of it to sort of use on toast and stuff like that. No, but they just pump it. Is that a liposuction? They pump it out? Yeah, they just pump it out. And then you get that long skin? Well, I think, depending on how they do it or how much they do it, I don't know what happens in the skin. So anyway, that's what... What other ways can you do? So I was like, I'm not going to have liposuction. Is this a conversation with you and the family? No, I've not gathered the family around for that. Okay, but you and Lise? I've said it to Lise, yeah. I'm not seriously considering liposuction.

7:04Romesh Ranganathan:but people we know have had it. Really? Yeah. Anyway. Did it hurt? Don't know. Not spoken in detail. It's quite evasive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're six weeks out of commission. Well, can't do anything for six weeks. I don't know if you can't do anything, but you're not. That's how long the recovery is. Oh, man. Not that I've looked into it in detail. So what are your other options? There's this other thing called CoolSculpt. I've seen this before. Where it freezes it or something. Yeah. And then it kind of... Falls out. Yeah. Yeah. Like you shit a fatcicle. No, I don't know how it comes out, but...

7:41Romesh Ranganathan:The cool... That sounds quite... Well, yeah. Well, I actually thought maybe we could go together. Well, yeah. I mean, that's great for you. I'll tell you, man, I'll go, yeah, Ron, we can do you, but this guy's got visceral fat. Oh, right. I don't know if he works. The fat is all around his... Look at that before and after. Is that from CoolSculpt? CoolSculpt. I've heard of it. It's incredible. I mean, I would say it's not as... I need something a bit more radical than that, I would say. Oh. It's horrible, isn't it, when you consider the before an aspirational target?

8:13Yeah, but visceral fat is really tough. Yeah, it's really tough. So how do you get rid of it?

8:18Romesh Ranganathan:No, but visceral fat I'm pretty sure is easier to get rid of than subcutaneous. Oh, wow. Subcutaneous fat lies right under the skin. Oh, wow. So that's why you can have it sucked out. Yeah, lies right under the skin and accounts for about 90 % of total body fat. Holy shit. So you could get, you look like ripped if you got that bit out then. Yeah. Is it all around that one area? Yeah, I'm feeling increasingly less comfortable talking about this actually. I've got a midriff issue. Is it around your titties and your stomach? You're not being, I don't know how sensitive you think you're being in your line of questioning.

9:01Romesh Ranganathan:but you know what I'm giggling is it around your titties? No but you know what That's actually quite you sort of I would say you're flirting you're flirting with bullying if you don't mind me saying I have it around mine that's it I find making light of these situations having a joke about it Yeah but make light of it about yourself Okay Don't fucking say Can I just say Is it around your titties? I didn't think Oh God Tom's being really self-deprecating Right Can I say I have it around mine That's Okay So open with that okay I find this that's very stubborn there right to get rid of okay stubborn yeah and stubborn titties um I can see why you're giggling that it's making me giggle um but what I'm saying is my titties aren't so bad yeah it's just my belly and my kind of I've got love handles yeah and I don't like it yeah yeah but why would you but I don't but I don't like the fact I don't like it yeah does that make sense like I think I'm a victim of societal pressure you know but I look I actually never had a the visceral fat when I spoke to the doctor about it was he's generally like this is really dangerous that sounds hot

10:15Romesh Ranganathan:that sounds it was like Grace with the nits he went well I think visceral fat is slightly more dangerous than nits depends how big the nits get but he was like it's really really dangerous and your visceral fat is very high so you really now had to focus on that being the thing that you lose, so calorie deficit exercise so if I'm honest with you there's nothing about I pause at the moment apart from my titties this is my point my case in point is I don't mind having a stomach is fine when I was, you know that thing where we were talking about in the last episode where you're on holiday, you take pictures when you're coming out in the pool or whatever with mates in the sea and quite a lot of them all I can focus on is the fact I'm like I've got a fucking you know a little pair of boobs yeah but you don't have that well I'm you know I've got it doesn't make me self conscious it's my gut and my sort of basically I did a gig last night I did four gigs last night actually okay so swaggy the way you said that and people tag you know people tag in photos I look horrendous and everything to my mind I look horrendous I bet you didn't though I felt like I did.

11:30Romesh Ranganathan:And so obviously, there's a psychological thing. But the other side of that is, do I tackle, you know, there's two options here. Either I just get over it and start like working on getting rid of it gradually if I really feel badly about it. Or I take an extreme measure and like pump it out of me, right, and sell it on eBay. But the thing is... What I love is you trying to make jokes to make you relax about it. I feel horrible talking about it. Yeah, yeah. But the thing is... I mean, I had nothing going into this episode. If you take in... And Grace will be listening to you going, oh, yep, money about him.

12:05Romesh Ranganathan:But if you take... I don't want to take an... Basically, I'm not going to get liposuction. But what I mean is I don't want to take an extreme thing because I'm a victim of societal conditioning. A bit of cool sculpting could be fun. Could be fun. Yeah, that could be a fun thing to do. But based on those before and after photos, I think that's like the final... That's the final bit. Here we go. I need some major... you know i mean would you if someone contacted you now and said like you know hi rom heard the war for now the other day uh obviously this uh you know you're worried and we get a lot of people who come into the clinic who are worried about this we can offer you a free call scott who do you sound like um and if you want you know we all we'd require is some before and after pictures yeah i'll pay for it i'll pay for it really yeah because it's quite expensive really it's Yeah, I've got it.

12:57Right, I can't help but thinking you're taking the mick out of me.

13:01Romesh Ranganathan:No, this is my non-broadcast voice. But the point I'm trying to make is I'd rather just pay the money than bloody... But can I just say, a lot of people will get a kick. Yeah, well, I'm not in this game to give people kicks. But that's your job, you're an entertainer. Yeah, but I'm not trying to entertain people by going, look at my flabby midsection. Yeah, but what you would be doing is going, look at my old flabby midsection and look at my new flabby midsection. Yeah, well, I should say, by the way, I don't know if you've seen the work we do. It's usually with people who are in a little bit better shape.

13:38Romesh Ranganathan:Right. So what I would say in response to that, rather, is firstly, you're a c**t and the man playing you is also a c**t.

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15:27Romesh Ranganathan:radio.com anyway i don't know i i just think it's it's so and but and i'm conscious of the fact that the animal pack have heard us talk about this for a long time we know to be fair we haven't talked about this for a long time but but it's not i am not down about it it's not like I'm not getting depressed it's just a thing that for as long as I can remember has slightly irritated me and then you go so you'll have I'll have moments ruined by my body image right so Tour de France so for example yeah Tour de France was horrific so then the other thing was when I did a tour when I did my tour of America they sent a photographer to do photos of the show and it's my first like tour of the States and the guy comes and he takes a photo and he goes and as a present it was so lovely he brought like a little printer with him and he took like one of the photos and he presented me with a little it was such a lovely thing presented me with a little framed photo of my first night in America and I hated that picture and it wasn't because of what he'd done I just thought fucking hell you look hideous and I had to pretend to be really happy about it because I didn't want to upset him and it was a it took a really good photo but I was just like oh my god that's what I look like on stage you know that's what's going through my head and so you have this like psychological thing just annoying do you know what I mean but I'm fully aware of the fact that I need to check my privilege I'm happy with I'm fully you know able to do so many things in my body and all I've not got anything there's no I've got no health issues so in that way that's more than a lot of people can say you know I'm very lucky in that regard so there's part of me that feels a bit like uh I'm being a prick by going I want but then I think whatever level you're at whatever level but you know what I mean wherever you're at with your body i think most people are like i wish this was different do you know i mean i think it's almost almost everyone's like that so there's part of you that goes there's two paths i could take it one is aggressively trying to sort that out or i just go do you know what this is just how i am i'm in my 40s now fuck it well can i just ask and this isn't being like when you did the market when you did the marathons and stuff was it was it still stubbornly there yeah because but even like when i got you know i'm i'm bigger than i and i say bigger i've you know i've been doing more weights and stuff and put on a bit of weight since i really dropped but even then when i was really i would say too uh skinny i still had a belly do you know i mean so it's like it's trying to you know he's sort of annoying because that that's the thing that went with it i think like if i'm honest with you and we have talked about this a lot i went to when i went to a doctor's i was genuinely like going to and going i feel really positive about myself i feel like i'm in good shape i feel like i'm actually like i've lost a bit of timber but i've again i addressed it i lost a lot more and i didn't feel as didn't feel right about myself i was like you know i felt i was i'd lost too much weight so i'm sort of i felt a happy medium and it wasn't till i went to see him and he was like saying about visceral fat that's like i was like well i've lost you know you gotta think from what i was coming into like you know when I put videos up or King Gary and you go that was when you know probably even just going into that probably my very heaviest but so I thought oh yeah I'm in relatively good nick and then he was like no no this is your problem is this thing that's we really need to get that number down can you first of all stop smiling I know you feel like you've made some progress but this is some of the worst levels of visceral fat I've ever seen we've ever seen so I'm not saying that you have to what I'm saying is you should be crying you should be fucking worried no because i'm worried for you shitting it yeah and the idea that you would bound in here proud of yourself the high five was such a big um so but yeah i i know i'd complete i think a lot of people would have this thing where a lot of people worry about a lot of people i think for you anyway i think if you i think there's pictures that i've seen i've been in with you or you've taken and i've got a great picture you look amazing and I can see your face going no I don't feel like.

19:41Romesh Ranganathan:So. Well I mean I don't know how quickly it can happen but I'd love to do liposuction live in the app. Do you know what I mean? I could be talking to you and it could be getting pumped out of me. That would be pretty sick. Yeah I mean that would be pretty sick. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you have to be completely unconscious though. Yeah but me and John could be sitting there. Me and John could be commentating on it. That's a good idea. He's got an erection John.

20:05Romesh Ranganathan:Don't need to take any fat out of that. With that girth. Maybe put some in there. Would be my advice. I wonder what they do with all the fat then. They must have to dispose of it in like some sort of... Yeah, like a special fat. Special fat thing. Do you think it goes in the sea? Probably goes to like local kebabalons and... Oh! What happens to the fat? So either transfer it back into another part of the patient's body. Penis. Oh, hello. Oh, your bum! Someone's going to get some... Your bum! I could get some junk in my trunk. That could be fucking... That could work nice. Oh, my God. Get a nice fucking big ass on your butt.

20:43Romesh Ranganathan:Guys, can you imagine if I came in here with a flat stomach and a big old booty? That would be fucking sick. That would be fucking sick. You'd have to get all new jeans. What if it changed my personality, though? You would be so arrogant. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, you'd have an arrogant... That's what I'm saying. Maybe, like, a little bit of low self-esteem and self-consciousness probably has... I think you've got an arrogant so-and-so in you. Yeah, maybe I do. I think you come in here with a six pack and a beautiful, juicy, big arse. Or you'll be bringing skinny jeans back. Imagine if I start the wolf an owl, just like.

21:15Romesh Ranganathan:Your arse does look good. It looks like it's gained some. Oh, fuck. My arse knocked the muff off. Jesus. That's how much. That's how I'm operating. I've got so much booty and knocked the mic off, baby. You could have it put in your quads. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if you could give it to people who also need some stuff. Donate it. Yeah. It's not a bad shout. I mean that's the ultimate privilege isn't having so much fact that you can hand it out to other people you never put your lips that's what I do quite a lot yeah you can have loads of um like sort of women are having those those lips done and people going oh we've got a lovely you want to hear more Tom's thoughts on that please do watch a special it's still available on sky if you are after your lips being done we have a lovely range at the moment we've got the romish rangulation are you right regulation we've got the romish rangonathan gut fat uh lips oh that sounds nice yeah oh my god people walking around with my gut fat in their lips yeah that would be a cool thing yeah do you think so what do you where are you at the moment with this life what's lisa think you should do um lisa says you look great you're imagining this i wish you'd feel better about yourself.

22:30Romesh Ranganathan:Those are her words of advice. Not like that, though. She starts laughing like that. And she's often doing while she's like, sort of got her arms around another bloke.

22:42Romesh Ranganathan:Staring into her eyes. I'm worried, Lisa. I hate him about my gut. He thinks that a flatter stomach will make him attractive. And a big juicy ass. Yeah, I think you'll get a kick out of me then when you go. No, Lisa's like, her thing is that I wish she felt I wish she felt differently about it and I wish I did too yeah it's hard though isn't it because you feel the way you feel I know but I think it's a result of like there's some sort of perfect combination of things that have happened as you've grown up and things that you've seen that have solidified this belief and then you can't on holiday what I notice is certain people who there's a thing of people who've had good even like if they've had a good body played a lot of sports buddy and you see them in the pool the confidence that they have yeah the confidence you either have or you don't yeah do you know what i mean yeah because you can even see people have done double well they've lost a bit of timber yeah they've really worked hard they're still looking good they still have they still carry themselves in a certain in a way yeah um i'm nervous to tell this next thing that's happened to me in the last few days it didn't really happen to me i'm worried that about judgment okay but I've spoken to a few people since then it's happened to quite a few people okay so the other night I am picked up Charlie sure do well in Oliver got the train back together quite like train and Lisa was kind enough she said to me don't get a taxi I'd like I want to pick you up I don't know why she likes picking I said I always say to her I'll get a cab I'll get a cab she's like she likes to be you know what that's that's some new time then I guess so you get a little time just the two of you hey babe well charlie's with me we don't leave him at the station yeah no but he gets in the back and he's oh i see yeah well you know fine oh actually charlie's a chatty kid yeah my mum it was amazing today yeah okay um so lisa picked us up yeah she was traumatized why the trigger warning here this is quite disgusting she said to me i've had the most horrendous last hour said what is it she said she said I went to take the bins out what I opened the bin and there was this most chronic maggot infestation she said it was absolutely yeah rammed full of maggots it's disgusting she's I freaked out she basically slaughtered all of them hot water hot water yeah good she just put it from the hot tub if anything it gave him a bath no she bought a kettle she killed them all yeah scrubbing out the bin she said it was like that deep with maggots in the bottom of the thing jesus so she was she was like she said my skin feels itchy i feel horrible um so i i mean it's obviously how it happened is the hot weather is exacerbated i was playing to a few people it's just been happening to a few people yeah we had it I don't I didn't feel right for the next two days I wouldn't even I mean I did see them after but I didn't well you saw their corpses I saw a couple of yeah you went and looked at them yeah like a funeral well I didn't say a prayer no no but you just went and let me see make sure they're dead girl show me them well I was trying to empathise a little bit because you know I was just like because I said to Lisa that's a horrible thing to go through well done for dealing with it and then I said where did it happen and then she showed me and I drew little chalk outlines.

26:12Mate, we had it in ours. The smell was unruly. Opened the bin, then there's magazine inside the top lid and then, yeah, but did exactly the same as Lisa. Hot water. Horrific. Yeah. And I completely agree with what she's saying. The feeling of like, just feel dirty afterwards. Why didn't even, because they, flies lay eggs, right? So basically, By the way, we talked about this and you stuck up for them. But fucking flies, and I'm saying now, wasps. I got stung twice on holiday by wasps. Wasps, there's no rhyme and reason for them. I'm having bees. I've talked about this until the cats come home, right?

26:52Bees, I like bees. Wasps, I just don't see the point in them. And everyone around the pool agreed with me. I was going around saying, just being stung, be careful, grab yourself a candle. Lemon candle.

27:04Romesh Ranganathan:Right. And then you said, don't you think wasps are a waste of time? Yeah. wasps are essential natural pest controllers do you know what some dork who loves wasps has written this that protects plants and crops by hunting millions of insects like aphids caterpillars and flies flies you were just about to go in two footed on them weren't you no I can't stand flies and wasps I'll tell you what caterpillars by the way why have the caterpillars never done a thing to anyone they're a gardener's nightmare what caterpillars well what about butterflies that's what my argument would be there's nothing more joyous than everyone goes oh my god a butterfly there's no butterflies without caterpillars the world could technically survive without wasps but ecosystems and agriculture would suffer severe near catastrophic damage but Tom would be happy we'd be sitting in here after the world's in fucking turmoil and he'd go I still think I still think it's worth it I think it's a sad state of affairs that we're turning to wasps to help us out we're not turning to wasps psychopaths we're not turning to wasps there's no rhyme I actually by the way as well I heard someone saying he didn't even do anything and then what stung him.

28:11Because sometimes people flapping their arms around.

28:12Romesh Ranganathan:You've heard somebody say that? Yeah. Why are you just making shit up? No, I swear. Oh, fuck off, Tom. He did not hear that. Oh, he's an innocent party in that. Poor bastard. Seems like such a nice guy as well. And then I heard him saying, oh, he's got such great chat, hasn't he? It's not often that you meet somebody on holiday that you'd like to hang out with the whole time. But that definitely happened there. It's a good holiday. Did you? good holiday friends this year um good good yeah did you really make just yeah yeah yeah yeah good people you're gonna keep in touch with them yeah i've already been texting matt matt from holiday he was there when i got stung and he he genuinely like i was sat there i was like i'm not gonna even pay any mind let the wasp do its thing i'm sitting there eating my chicken strips i'm like just so you managed to get chicken strips for yourself in the hotel yeah but you You can get them for little G.

29:04Romesh Ranganathan:Crispy chicken. She had to put up with fucking disassembling a rat. Yeah, in the hotel, they. Okay. In the hotel. In the hotel, they were clearly marked. Yeah, okay. And this wasp just came out. It took either a liking to my aftershave or a disliking to me. Who's putting on aftershave at the pool, by the way? Mate, I put aftershave wherever I'm going. At the swimming pool? Yeah, of course. At the swimming pool? Yes. You put on aftershave? Mate, my ritual is I get up, I have a shower, but spray a little bit of aftershave. But not if you're spending the day by the pool, dude. Of course. But sometimes when you're out in those places, like putting on aftershave in the evening, I know it's an instinctive thing to do, like when you get ready for dinner, but you're actually making yourself a mosquito's paradise.