Hot Chip Challenge, Bathroom Habits and Amanda Holden

0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome to The Wolf and Al with me, Romesh Ranganathan and you... The Wolf, Tom Davis. I'm here and ready to rock. Please like, subscribe, follow, tell a friend, tell someone at your local supermarket about this podcast. You know how you do that. You just tap on and go, you could probably notice me laughing in the World Food Isle. Why? Because I was listening to The Wolf and Al, my friend. Hello, my name is Jack Stevens. Lord knows there's not regularly laughs in the World Food Isle. I'm alright, they take things very seriously. Can I say... This doesn't look authentic.

0:32Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. You don't have enough laughs in supermarkets. How do you mean? You don't ever see people walking around supermarkets. I think supermarkets be a lot more joyous. It's one part of the week that we're all doing. And I think it should be more of... I don't do it. What? You don't do the big shop? No. Are you joking? No. I don't even want to think about my life without a supermarket visit. How often are you going?

1:07Romesh Ranganathan:Once a week. Once a week you go to the supermarket? Once a week, yeah, minimum. How long are you there for? It depends. If it's a big shop on a Sunday. Just average. Just average it out. I don't need to say every visit. Probably about 40 minutes, 45 minutes. There's no fucking way you're getting in and out in 45 minutes. 45 minutes you can do a good shop. For the family? Well, there's three of us. There's, what, five of you. There's a big difference. yeah but and me and Grace by the way me Grace and Catherine are eating nearly all the same stuff we're not like you that throws a stone in the shoe for Lisa I don't throw a stone in the shoe I'm plant based because of my moral beliefs yeah I know but it's not a stone in the shoe Lisa's like I've got to get some chicken nuggets oh bloody hell I've got to get some vegan nuggets for rum like you know I'm going to get a side of beef I better get some aubergines it's you know there's a lot more for poor Lisa to think of and if you're not going with it by the way it's a great time just to have some chat not just you as a couple but you and other people in the supermarket she doesn't go on her own who does she go with um she doesn't go at all oh you yeah you get delivered yeah and there's a reason for that yeah but by the way I noticed you the way you tilt your head and get all judgmental no I don't yeah you did you went oh you get it delivered no I'm just saying I think it's a really nice I actually think you and Lisa are going together it's the only time we ever argue is when we do the big shot really yeah so we decide to stop doing it we argue a lot but that's the one time that we really come together do you not just get stressed out having to go around the fucking supermarket no I enjoy it I find it stressful I get such a kick when there's like big sales on things at the bargain prices Tesco's blow me away sometimes in what way just sometimes the deals you can get at Tesco's don't you not think they're taking the fucking piss what why because they just put all the shit everywhere you've got to go around pick it up yourself now they're not even putting people on the tills you've got to do that yourself no but listen you might as well just pour it on the floor in the middle of the fucking can i just say if you're doing a big shop you're going for a big shop and you're going through self-service checkout you're a fucking idiot i'm saying i mean that's that's a bit some people if you're doing if you've got no if you've got a basket and a few other bits in your hand and you're waiting for your self-service cool if you've got anything in a trolley that should just be going through you're allowed to go through with the trolley are you to self-service i've seen people do it in test case okay i'm just saying it's one of the best things don't deliver that news like you've seen a dragon no i'm just saying it's not that unusual i like going through the because i think for me you go through the checkout you have a bit of a banter yeah a bit of a laugh if it's easter you crack a joke a couple of jokes about bunnies and give me an example of a easter bunny joke uh oh is this uh got some easter eggs have you yeah i bet they're jumping off the shelves oh god you wouldn't say that really yeah of course i would yeah oh you see You've got the little lint bunny.

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5:11This can cause a curve or the bump during an erection and, for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lower self-esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is, PD is treatable. if you notice a curve with a bump a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options including non-surgical treatment to learn more about peyroni's disease visit talkaboutpd.com okay it's not actually that bad i was quite impressed

5:59Romesh Ranganathan:with your improv skills there i'm not too bad i can go yeah um yeah but i've not i can't i do go into supermarket occasionally when i've got like a couple of bits but i would never do the big shop there i just like just walking around and sometimes even if i'm not a big shop and going for a few bits I like to just sort of like look around and get ideas how often are you cooking at home almost never okay see that's the difference I love cooking at home I'm not I'm sort of I create too much of a mess we've talked about this yeah I know we have but yeah so who cooks more out of you and Kat probably well she's at home more but if I'm if we're both at home 50-50 should we talk about the resentment there she's at home more there's no she resents me slightly for being out a lot if we're at home for a few 50 right okay yeah I'll get a kick out I love cooking together I do too but you know but if you're messy and sort of like yeah the problem the problem is I think I'd be allowed to regularly cook if I trained myself to do it in a more efficient way yeah if you're a bit more hygienic basically if I cook in the house it's an event yeah people have to be warned yeah you know have to knock on the neighbours' houses and go just so you know wow Ron wants to do his lasagna again there's going to be some swearing some screaming and probably hear some broken glass.

7:13Just seeing you out on the back porch smoking, just going, oh, for fuck's sake. Why do I do this every year? I can't make two cheese sauces, one vegan and one not.

7:23Romesh Ranganathan:So, yeah. So, I don't often cook. What would you say is your signature dish? I do do a really good lasagna. I like a souffle. I like to cook a souffle. A lovely souffle. What type of souffle? Cheese. Three cheese. Huh? Three cheese. We can do three cheese. No, but three cheese is like, isn't that the go-to posh souffle? It's a posh one, but I think you don't want to get cheese fighting. You're going to get one cheese that's really strong, completely overcompensates the other. The other cheeses are going, I'm going to fucking place in the, you know, even finish the race here. If you've got a really strong cheddar, unless you're putting blue cheese, then the cheddar's just completely insignificant.

7:59You know, you've got the blue cheese that's doing all the fucking legwork. So you just go, I'm just doing a blue cheese.

8:05Romesh Ranganathan:It's tiring. I'm just saying. It's so tiring to have a conversation like this. What? It's true. Talk me through how you make a souffle, please. You cook a roux. You cook a nice cheese. Okay, you have to get a bit more basic than that. Imagine you were presenting a cooking show. Talk me through how you do a souffle. Well, I wouldn't do a souffle if I was doing a cooking show. Okay, but imagine that you'd been tasked with doing a souffle. Okay. What am I presenting presenting? You might as well, yeah. Yeah. Hi, welcome to Bonkers Kitchen with me, Tom Davis. Glad to be on the show. this week my sous chef my assistant sorry let me just stop you before we carry on it's not for children this is an adult's cooking show what's wrong with Bonkers Kitchen it's not just Bonkers Kitchen, it's your whole energy I was expecting you to introduce a puppet I would like a puppet you want it more cool not cool but just for grown ups hi me Tom Davis split the difference yo it's me Tom Davis back again on Bonkers Kitchen.

9:11The adult show. Not that sexy. No, no, no. Nobody says it's an adult show. Go on. Okay. What up, friends? It's me back in the kitchen again for my sins.

9:30Today in the kitchen, I'm joined by the legend, one of my favorite musicians, Mr. Cat Stevens. Hello, Cat Stevens. Cat Stevens? What?

9:41Romesh Ranganathan:What does Cat Stevens sound like? I don't know. Okay, all right, come on then. He's American, right, Cat Stevens? Yeah. Well, he's changed his name to Yusuf Islam, hasn't he? Oh, okay, yeah. With one of my favourite singers of all time, Mr. Yusuf Islam. Hello, friend. What I'm saying is I don't think he'd appear on the show. Oh, okay, all right. Someone more realistic. Okay. Hi, welcome back to Bonkers Kitchen with me, Tom Davis, back in the kitchen again. Don't worry, shins. I'm joined today by one of my favourite actors in the world, Mr Mickey Rourke. Hello Mickey, how are you? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

10:13Good? Hey, hey. So Mickey. Hey, hey. Okay, Mick. Yo. It strikes me, Mickey. We're cooking. We're cooking. We're cooking. What are we cooking? We are cooking. Mickey hungry. Mickey very hungry.

10:27Romesh Ranganathan:Mick, have you been drinking? Huh? Have you been drinking? No, I'm going to tell you what I haven't been doing. Fucking eating. Well, we're going to make a delicious cereal. You little bitch. You little bitch. Okay, Donald Trump. You little bitch. Where's the food at? What are we making? We're going to make a souffle. What are we making? Can I try some of this? Have you washed your hands? Give me one of those eggs. Have you washed your hands, man? I'm just going to crack it into my fucking throat. One of my favorite things to make is souffle. That's not how you pronounce it, little bitch. Souffle.

10:56Sorry. I'm just going to change that. Joining me in the kitchen today is one of my favorite actresses of all time, Miss Amanda Holden. Hi, Amanda. hi hi how are you okay really good thank you what happened to mickey oh he had to go because he was unhygienic um so amanda what's your favorite thing to eat in the whole world um i don't know

11:17Romesh Ranganathan:we sort of we eat lots of different things uh we go out a lot to eat do you yes i tell you what i do love a traditional kind of beef wellington okay would you like us to make you a beef wellington i mean if that's what you're going to make then i'd absolutely love that yeah i mean me and jamie love it. Who's Jeremy? Thiekston who I present with on Magic I think. Where's your husband called? I think it's Chris. Yeah I think it's Christian. Christian maybe? And also me and Alan when we're renovating because obviously. Well actually it's a brilliant show I have been watching that recently. It's a fantastic show.

11:53Tell us about the show. Well I was sort of. By the way while you're doing that I need to get this dish underway Amanda. What is it we're making? Sauteing some onions. What are you making? of beef wellington okay great so just going to saute some onions

12:07Romesh Ranganathan:i don't think we have to wait for this for them to actually soften

12:18now um so amanda you used to be in uh are you can i just check tom are you sautéing them on a

12:25Romesh Ranganathan:keyboard no i'm putting in the beef okay so into what into the frying pan oh okay so you used to be in cutting it which was on bbc a while ago yes uh tell us about do you like hair do i like hair that's a funny question but it was about hairdressers and the funny question we're gonna put in a bit of garlic a little bit of oregano a little bit of thyme a little bit of rosemary uh really get the hair You just put them all in at the same time? Yeah, just to get it out. Because the beef is still raw, it looks. Well, it gets succulent and it gets into the... And here's a little trick for you, man. You probably don't know about this.

13:03A little glug of flour, just to keep it all nice and nice.

13:07Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, that's quite... I think that's commonly known. First time I've heard flour added by the glug. And now we're going to put in some stock, really get the beef nice and juicy. A glug of stock would work. Yeah, we're going to have a really lovely beef. So, Amanda, tell me more. About what? well what have you been up to then we're going to get some short crust pastry we get the short crust pastry and basically a bit like a pasty we put the beef inside the short crust pastry and we put it in the oven and then let's go and sit down and have a try okay so that's kind of what yeah I mean I've never eaten a beef wellington but even I know that there's something between the pastry and the beef isn't there only space makes a mushroom patte yeah what the fuck happened to that it's all got thrown off because i was trying to chat it's a bit like that what you did was a bit like a saturday kitchen yeah yeah i don't think i'm very good at presenting um how are you anyway good good good yeah i feel good i feel well i've got this weird thing at the moment about um have you he's on line at the moment there's this whole thing about kaiya west west talking about one of the reasons he's out with kim kardashian is because she was shitting all the time she's going to the toilet a lot more than he thought was was sort of respectable i guess and it throws me the question of i do worry sometimes um i'm going to the toilet a lot more than i should i love going to the bathroom like taking a crap to one of my favorite hobbies and i worry that that could be the sort of straw that breaks the camel's back in my relationship um it was a hell of a monologue so how many times are you going a day at home if i'm at home for a day three maybe four okay four there's two poos and there's other times where it's just a lot of gas how many times do you go a day i would say three three yeah two to three yeah very rarely one who goes for one shit a day i don't know i mean lots of people do i think that i think that's normal is it really well not normal but that's the median this is what i'm fascinated by might the mode gone good no just i don't know anyone who goes once a day um well i mean i don't want to get into details but i do know people that go once a day i just think it's such an incredible thing to go once a day yeah let's look this up how what's the average time that people go for a shit typically three times a day to three times a week three times a week three times a week that is insane isn't it that must fucking break the pan that do you know the the worst thing i have at the moment is when i go and i think i'm going to really drop something valuable Tom.

15:48What? And then I, because my.

15:50Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, can I just say this? Because we've talked about shit a lot on this podcast. I don't think people mind us talking about it. It's the graphic nature. Okay. My big worry at the moment is the Elvis thing. I think I've talked about it. That you're going to die? Yeah. Because he didn't go enough. And he was going to sit on the toilet a lot. And then that's how he passed. Well, look, I would. Can I? I've talked about this before, but I thoroughly recommend a squatty potty. I'm really now looking at getting one of these. You've got to. But in what sense are they against? Are they like genuinely, are you like they work on everything?

16:21Romesh Ranganathan:This is the best way to describe it, right? So imagine this is your colon. Yeah. And when you sit down on a toilet normally, your colon has to sort of like make its way around a bend, like a kink. Yeah. The poo has to make its way around the kink. And then when you sit on a squatty potty, because of the way you're positioned, it unkinks it. So it's just like, whoop, like a water slide. You feel emptier. It's quicker. Is there a bit of embarrassment, even though there's nobody there, that your knees are up like that around your ears? A little bit. And then you just fold it away and put it away, and you walk out feeling like...

16:55Romesh Ranganathan:The main negative is that then if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to evacuate and you don't have a squatty potty, it feels like a step down. For example, would you take it on tour with you? Oh, I don't know. People would see it then, wouldn't they? Do you know what I mean? I don't know if it was in your case or your bag. Yeah, but Grax is like going, oh, what have you got there? And I'll explain the squatty. I mean, I've talked about it on a podcast. I suppose it doesn't matter. Yeah. To carry it around is a big deal. It folds away. So maybe I'll put it in the bottom of my suitcase.

17:23Or you could have it like, you know, like sort of like with a strap around it and just carry it around you. Sort of back like that. Just in case you go to services.

17:32Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think I'd use it in the services. First of all, if ever you encounter me shitting in the services, there has been a serious fucking emergency. Really? Yeah. I reckon, genuinely, 10 years since I've taken a shit in a service station. What? That's insane numbers. I can't do it. Man. I'm a heimscheisser. What can I tell you? Yeah, no, we've talked about this a lot. Yeah, and I've managed to, like, de-heimscheisse myself, so I'm scheissing in other places, but I'm not a service station. What about your dressing room at the play? No. I've actually got something on. Can I propose a business deal while we're here?

18:07What is it? I think me and you should. Have you ever seen Bugs and Malone?

18:12Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, with the kids. Yeah, but we should bring, like, an adult. version to the stage. Of Bugsy Milone? You're Bugsy Milone on Fat Sam. We put people we know into it and we do like a special. Aren't business ideas supposed to be potentially profitable? Man, it's massively profitable. Like, think of it like, I think, by the way, you should do one where you're singing next because I can't sing. I can't sing. I mean, that's the one. You can sing. We both, okay, like, I got a dream to live. I got a dream to live. I got a dream to live. Don't cry for me, Argentina You're not going to cry, Alita The truth is I never left you Through all the hard times You can sing.

18:58That was beautiful. I can't.

18:59Romesh Ranganathan:You can't. Not for a fucking musical, I can't. It's barely... Musical, by the way, they don't sing-sing. They just make their voices sound more jolly. Could it be that I'm doing a podcast with my friend Tom The Wolf are now nervous we've got no content we've just moved to video video video video he was running round the alley exposing himself what? yeah I don't think it's a good idea I think it could be a fascinating idea like mate and just like think of all the people who could get involved yeah like who? Beckett Beckett in Bugsy Malone on stage yeah Tom Allen Tom might be up for it yeah Yeah, he'd be really good.

19:44Suzy Ruffell's done. Suzy Ruffell, yeah. He's done lots of musical stuff. Judy Love. Judy Love, yeah. She's fucking incredible on stage. Yeah. I haven't seen her do West End plays, but she's very funny and she's very... Joanne McNally. Okay, all right, let's stop.

19:58Romesh Ranganathan:We're not going to do it at this point. I'm just saying. We're populating a fantasy here. Yeah, but I'm just saying that if I was to come to you and go, I've just spoke to the Gildgood Theatre and that we can put on a Christmas display of Bugsy Malone or Christmas Carol. you could be Scrooge. You'd be a fucking amazing Scrooge. I'm sorry, that is, if you don't do Scrooge in the West End, that is a travesty. You would be the best Scrooge. Why? Because I'm a grumpy bastard. Yeah. If you'd be able to do that part, be Scrooge. He doesn't say Scrooge. Scrooge. It's Humbug. Oh, yeah. It's Scrooge, isn't it?

20:30He goes Scrooge. Scrooge. He goes Humbug.

20:34Romesh Ranganathan:Humbug. No, not like that. Jesus. Do you want my Scrooge or not? All right, show me your Scrooge. Hey, Mr. Scrooge, can I have 50p? What did he say? Bah, humbug. Bah, humbug. I mean, the thing is, you're like, that is West Ending it. That is the thing. You give it some, don't you? Bah, humbug. Wow, fuck, that's really good. You like that? Yeah. Mr. Scrooge, can we have some turkey? Be gone with you, child. Wow. Christmas is for pussies. Fuck off, you nonce.

21:10it's um yeah not bad shout that that is that's what we should do yeah definitely let's get on

21:15Romesh Ranganathan:it yeah should we do it alongside the shout outs for small businesses no we should try that right if i could if i could get if we could get a theater on board through the wall for now yeah do one of special i mean you're fucking good at knowing not lines and stuff and it's literally nearly you're on stage the whole time i could be bob cratchit yeah i don't know if that That would be Tom, guys. It'd probably be one of the ghosts, actually, or Jacob Marley. Tom Allen could be, Bob Cratchit. Yeah, okay. This is not happening. I'm just saying, there's way too much detail. I'm just saying, you on the Western stage, email in if you buy a ticket to see Romesh Ranganathan as Ebenezer Scrooge.