Introducing the listener Q&A episodes!

5:43Romesh Ranganathan:Exactly. Well, I talk when it's appropriate, Mickey. and currently it's not appropriate for you to be talking. Okay, what am I supposed to do? Not talk. I think I've been pretty clear on that. What, just sit here quietly? Yes, correct. Really? That's the expectation for the class. So can you do that or not? Jesus, this is so authoritative.

6:02Tom Davis:This is, of course it is. Even as Mickey, but as Tom, I'm slightly nervous. Okay, I'll be quiet.

6:10Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, great. Good. So I'll carry on with the lesson if you must. Well, that's what I'm doing, yeah. so sex you have got authority I think anyone who knows you no but the problem is what you did there as Mickey is you accepted what I said so a lot of the time

6:32Tom Davis:a lot of the time I encountered kids that didn't accept it

6:35Romesh Ranganathan:let me try and do that it's over for me the truth is your authority in the classroom is fake

6:41Tom Davis:yeah but you've got that authority yeah this is a difference right I don't try to be the student that's what I mean okay you be the teacher hello everyone first of all are you mr.

6:54Romesh Ranganathan:fuck em all or something like that the renegade teacher that's come into and is it my name is Rex Buchanan I knew it you're Mickey's dad who's become a teacher okay great I'll just be little Romesh okay hi everyone welcome to another class in

7:10Tom Davis:algebra, physics and everything else.

7:13Romesh Ranganathan:This is algebra and physics. What is he talking about? What is he talking about? Sorry, rubbish. Excuse me, if you weren't in the lowest class, you're in the lowest group. Sir, you don't even know what are you teaching? Do you know what you're teaching? Yes. What is it? Different maths and physics. Different maths and physics?

7:31Tom Davis:It's not a pick-a-mix, sir. I wish I could just do maths, which I was actually trained in. This is not a good school. If you know maths, sir, what's Pythagorean?

7:40Romesh Ranganathan:Pythagoras?

7:40Tom Davis:I don't know. I thought I was supposed to say history.

7:46Romesh Ranganathan:You're not even qualified. Not in history, no. No, it's maths. What's Pythagoras' theorem? This is like basic shit, sir. I don't know. The times table's really cool. Oh my god, he doesn't even know maths. Did he say the times tables are really cool? Yeah. What times table could you know? Mate, are you a virgin? I believe whatever you say. Are you a virgin? This is what I mean. You're even fucking running the class now.

8:12Tom Davis:Rex has got no chance.

8:15Romesh Ranganathan:But that's what I'm saying. That's what kids do sometimes. It's horrendous. Yeah, I know, yeah.

8:18Tom Davis:That's why I'd be awful. Do you know what I'd have really done in that situation? Oh, nice one, Mum. Do you know what? I'm just going to go and get my lunch early. You have so much more authority than me in this situation. I lack authority.

8:31Romesh Ranganathan:No, but I had it where kids ran rings around me sometimes. I can't imagine that. It did happen. Because you're assuming that the kid wants to be in the class.

8:38Tom Davis:To give this guy some advice, I think you need to bite off and help. Because my thing would be, I think, number one, I'd say the worst thing you can do is go too harsh. Yes, correct. I think you still need to have that banter and you need to have fun with the people that you used to work with because they are your friends. But then also you have to have a certain respect to the fact that you've been bumped up the food chain. I also buy like a statement bit of clothing. It's always quite good. Like what? I don't know, like a tie?

9:10Romesh Ranganathan:what's that going to do

9:11Tom Davis:no it just makes him look a bit more superior

9:13Romesh Ranganathan:right yeah okay I actually sorry I actually don't think that's bad advice or a trilby I don't know about trilby I'm just saying it then people go

9:21Tom Davis:oh I'm fucking over yeah they notice he's level that he thinks he's Justin Timberlake yeah if he's still turning up in the same clothes yeah I get it you're dressing with a bit more authority yeah also yeah try I suppose having lunch with people like you know can be difficult if you're going to be that bit superior. Did your headmaster used to have lunch with you? No. Yeah, there we go. When you were head of the year, did you eat with the other teachers?

9:47Romesh Ranganathan:No. There we go. Yeah, but that was an authority thing. It just wasn't convenient. It's a massive school. We're not all getting together for lunch. I thought you all got together for lunch. No, and then what happens to the rest? Across the school, kids just killing each other. You've got to have staff across the school. Do you know what I mean? I thought you all got into the staff room. That was a tough old one. No, some of the staff do, but not everyone. So what would you just, you'd be like a security detail? I used to have a lunch duty.

10:13Tom Davis:Wow. So I'd wander around the place. Not every day.

10:15Romesh Ranganathan:So when did you have a break for yourself?

10:20Romesh Ranganathan:Like, so lunch would be, I mean, I can't believe we're getting to the logistics of us. But it was an hour lunch break. Yeah. I spent half an hour on duty, half an hour having lunch. I actually got more respect for you than I ever. I didn't realise that was the case. Well, I mean, that's how that school worked. Yeah, it really is. And you just carry on, you carry on doing it, and you just struggle along, you know. So what advice have you got for this? That's the game. I think you're, my advice is I think you're worrying about this authority thing too much. The truth is, is I don't think Tom's advice is bad, actually, about maybe dressing for the job you've got.

10:51Romesh Ranganathan:Or some people, you know, dressing for the job you want, maybe. But I don't think you need to change your relationships necessarily. I think that you do your job. and if there is an instance where you've got to instruct, then you do that firmly. And as soon as you have to issue kind of requests for work and stuff like that, you do that and making clear what the expectation is. Do you know what I mean? And people can take the piss out of you. That's not an undermining of your authority as long as it's something you're comfortable with. But it doesn't matter. People take the piss out of each other and you have a bit of laugh at work.

11:30Romesh Ranganathan:It's a good thing, by the way. Yeah, but when work has to be done, work has to be done and you know the the challenge would be you know you might have a couple of instances where somebody goes oh I didn't think that deadline mattered you know what it's like you know and try to sort of banter their way out of it and that's when the point when that's when you've got a test of your authority there and you go no those deadlines are firm so it has to happen when I when I've said it has to happen and so you don't have to be like suddenly like a dictator about it but it's just we can all have a laugh as long as the expectations are being met i think that's what you that's how you've got to be i think by the way this is the sexiest version of

12:08Tom Davis:you like we've seen some versions this version of you is so sexy it is so i'm not good at it though i don't fucking don't worry about being good at it you could do lectures on this like the guy they made fucking wolf of wall street about like you could go out and tell i literally was sitting here listening thinking oh my god if i had a if i was you know when some people have those big fucking companies yeah need to get someone to talk in come and talk to their their managers

12:34Romesh Ranganathan:i without a doubt would go get romesh rang in no but i've handled situations in the past wrong to give you an idea without getting into detail somebody wants to tell me you're a good friend but not a good boss i don't know do you know what i would i can tell you for that you

12:47Tom Davis:know who you are i am a wonderful underling and you are such a great i'm a great lemming yeah

12:52Romesh Ranganathan:really good you'll go anywhere for anyone yeah

12:55Tom Davis:I mean it's part of my charm I'm like a golden retriever yeah I literally do like the way you're talking now I was like this is maybe what I've lacked in my life this authority leadership yeah I had awful leaders

13:06Romesh Ranganathan:yeah do you know what you'd really be into dominatrix I think you'd love that maybe that could be one of our patron specials

13:14Tom Davis:yeah you're dominating me yeah I'm like a anyway okay Dear Sweet Sweet Souls. Hold on.

13:25Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you so much for your email. Of course. Anonymous.

13:28Tom Davis:Hope that helps. Good luck to you. Okay. Dear Sweet Sweet Souls, I've developed a terrible habit of exaggerating stories in small, pointless ways. You don't have to email in. Just talk to me directly, mate. Not huge lies. Just a bit of polishing. Making something slightly funnier, slightly more dramatic. The problem is, I then panic that I'll get caught out in a detail and expose myself as someone who lied about something completely insignificant. why do I do this and is there a way to stop this before I accidentally invent a second life the lying lion I mean what do you think Tom well I think you're a master of authority this might be more in my ballpark I think exaggeration I mean I come from a long line of exaggerators

14:16Romesh Ranganathan:who just

14:17Tom Davis:storytellers

14:18Romesh Ranganathan:and by the way just so you know not as long as he makes out

14:25Tom Davis:Oh, you're delicious. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong. I think if it's not hurting anything and a story becomes funnier, I think adding a few tiny details to a story that can go, okay, that's slightly exaggerated. I think when sometimes I listen to someone tell a story that's so verbatim the truth and so like there's a time for that police interrogation where you're like oh just dial this little bit up and give me something a little bit more to her. I've told you about the guy you know when I was on I don't know whether to believe this now or not. No I was on a film set and I think I've told you about this guy before and I think I've told this story on here but we were all on this film set it was a weekend of Glastonbury right one of the people on the film set was Jamie Winston great actress lovely person and Jamie's going to Glastonbury so this guy sort of was like I might see you when you're there and he was like he used to do all the trade he does the trailers and set and he was doing caravans at Glastonbury so Jamie's there and then I see him on the Monday so did you see Jamie um when you're at Glastonbury he said yeah and I did say actually um uh I was walking past her caravan and uh she poked her head out and said um oh excuse me um the light's gone in my bathroom um I'm not sure if the bulb's gone or there's something wrong they said let me take a look so he said i went in uh pressed a couple of buttons nothing's working so i said i'm going to tell you what i'm going to do is i'm going to go and get another bulb i'll come straight back jamie uh i i run to the the uh the store cupboard i get two different bulbs just in case sometimes you'll get one and it's a bit faulty so i run back um i change the bulb i press the switch and the light comes on i said jamie everything's fine it was just a bulb would run out there's another spare here uh i can leave that with you uh i left and i didn't see her for the rest of the weekend um and i went oh wow okay yes nice that you saw her um and then literally two minutes later he was with a guy called dan taylor lovely actor uh so i sort of grunt jeremy actually when she was at glastonbury i walked past her trailer she popped out and he was telling everyone this story that was the most amazing story ever right but he could of added some stuff to that exaggerated put some sort of like what how would you tell that story uh i was walking past the uh jamie's trailer at glastonbury um she came out and said oh my god my my trailer's been plunged into darkness uh the light in my bathroom is not working i need it to work as soon as possible i told her i said let me just have a quick look now see if this is going to sort it i ran in there's no light coming from anywhere i'm absolutely worried now i'm thinking and she could be out of the bathroom.

17:11Tom Davis:I said, Jamie, hold on for a second. I'm going to run to the storeroom. I run to the storeroom. I get a light bulb. I come running back, get two actually just in case. Always got to be clever. I get in. I turn the light bulb. The light comes on. Jamie's rejoicing. She said, oh, thank you so much, Terry. I'm like, no worries. If you need me for anything else, I'm there. Had a quick glass of champagne and bopped off back. Yeah, wow. It's like a movie, that version.

17:36Romesh Ranganathan:But can you see that adding some sort of... No, well, you just changed your tone and sounded slightly melodramatic. It's the same story.

17:48Romesh Ranganathan:You sort of seemed to be much more reactive to what was going on. You did exactly the same stuff. The details were the same. You added some champagne in a bit of desperation at the end of it. Okay, go on. God, mate, you should have been at Glastonbury. By the way, let me just say, in terms of the podcast, we are deciding to tell three versions of the same story that we have included because you think it's fucking boring. We're now about... We're into the third iteration of this really dull lightbulb story. Anyway, go on.

18:24Tom Davis:You should have been at Glastonbury. Poor Jamie. Jesus, what happened? Middle of the night, I hear some screaming coming from a trailer. Right. I sprint across, I trip over a couple of times, people bloody leaving their ten pegs out. I get to the trailer. I'm like, what's happening? Are you okay in there? And they're like, we've been plunged into darkness. One of the light bulbs is gone. At night? Yes. I come running. I said, open the door. You're safe. It's Terry, who's working on a film set with you. She opens the door. I come into there. I said, look, let me just see what's going on there. Let me get abreast of the situation.

18:55Tom Davis:I go straight into the toilet, whether that's where the contaminated area is. Straight away, I assess the situation. I go, the Bowl beer's gone. I run back as quick as I can. And as I'm running back, there's two dogs that have just been let off their lead. Both of them are barking. One of them tries to bite me. I say, hey, watch out your dogs. I'm probably trying to fight you.

19:18Tom Davis:This is great. Yeah. I get there. There's no light bulbs in the storeroom. I'm like, where am I going to get? What did you do? What did you do? A light bulb in the middle of the night. Well, lucky enough, Tom Hiddleston was arriving the next day. So I break into Tom Hiddleston's trailer and I steal one of the light bulbs from his trailer and put it in there.

19:36Romesh Ranganathan:Nice. Good. I mean, you've sort of, I would describe that as more than embellishing. You just added some really, I mean, you might as well just fucking make stuff up. I'm just saying there that, no, you asked me to push this. Yeah, sure. I mean, you pushed it. Pushed it without consent, I'd say. Where do you stand with this? I think tell the truth. so you never exaggerate or embellish I have done I have done in the past I just think no good comes from it I just think you've just got to tell the truth and then find the funny in the truth you know and if it's not that funny then it's not that funny you know like I just think that what they're saying is is right the lying lion is that so the second one I've done is the lion right

20:25Tom Davis:so that's a different thing But the lying line you sent the email in,

20:28Romesh Ranganathan:the problem is you're adding details, and then they're right.

20:32Tom Davis:Exaggeration is...

20:34Romesh Ranganathan:Exaggeration is one thing, right? You can exaggerate the drama of it.

20:37Tom Davis:Yeah, I think exaggerating the drama is a different thing than adding details, right?

20:42Romesh Ranganathan:Well, exaggerating is changing a detail, isn't it? It's like, for example, before we got to the dogs and you nicked Tom Hiddleston's light bulb, it didn't happen at night, did it?

20:51Tom Davis:No, but yeah, but that is lying. But the second story I told you, That's why we've got three cases. Well, the second story, you didn't exaggerate anything. No, I did exaggerate the tone of it. No, you just changed your delivery.

21:02Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Okay, so basically, I mean, you need to email in and go, I don't know what exaggerating is. Can you help? Exaggeration is making it more dramatic than it is. Yeah, but I think they're adding details and shit. Yeah, I know. That's a different thing. I don't think you should do that. I don't think you should add details like the third story. No.

21:20Tom Davis:That's exaggerated. That was too much.

21:21Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah.

21:22Tom Davis:Yeah. But I think if you're telling...

21:23Romesh Ranganathan:The second one, you're talking about just giving it a bit of oomph, aren't you?

21:26Tom Davis:Yeah.

21:27Romesh Ranganathan:Fucking hell. Fuck. You're sort of saying fucking hell. You're not going to bloody believe this.

21:33Tom Davis:But I think sometimes when you hear a story and you hear it enough from different people,

21:38Romesh Ranganathan:you go, I think, yeah. I mean, the big question is how are two stand-ups complaining about people exaggerating and embellishing stories? Right, this is Petty. This is the next email. Cool. Even if I get the mildest cold, I behave like I've been given a six-month prognosis. I become reflective, dramatic. I insist on lying down and narrating my symptoms. My partner says I'm unbearable. At what point does being ill require dignity? A fragile flamingo.

22:05Tom Davis:Can I say this feels like I've written these in myself. I know.

22:08Romesh Ranganathan:What's going on?

22:08Tom Davis:These are very me. Yeah. I'm very much this guy. I'm very dramatic when I'm at the window.

22:17Romesh Ranganathan:I didn't think you were that dramatic about what happened to you, actually. in the last episode. No. I thought you reported it. I can be quite sure. I mean, now, I've got to be honest, after this last email, I'm starting to wonder if any of it happened. But actually what happened is you ate a donut and it gave you a bit of indigestion.

22:33Tom Davis:I farted.

22:34Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. You had a bit of a messier shit

22:37Tom Davis:than you normally do. No, I've actually probably underplayed that situation. So what's your advice? Do you know what? I do think... I've suffered a lot more with this before. I do think actually it is trying to get a gauge. I think you're actually, this modern world, I think, number one, I think men fall into two different places. You're either completely resistant to ever admitting you're ill or you get the slightest cold. Hypo. Yeah. I don't think there's any middle ground that I know of. I think the thing is actually, I think, in this last week where I've been, I have really resisted the urge to go into a place of Googling what it could be.

23:17Tom Davis:not even when you said to me and text me what do you think it is and like i've literally been like that's what the before what i would do is i would go into a pit where i put in the symptoms and before you know it i was literally like sitting grace and katherine down with tears in my eyes and calling you and go look please can you just look after my family i was literally that traumatic with stuff and now i try to have a bit more perspective with things because i that hypochondria thing runs deep through me. Deep. But this, I have tried to keep a bit, you know, and now actually I'm saying it, I'm worried that this will be the thing that kills me.

23:53Tom Davis:And I should have fucking given it a bit more respect.

23:56Romesh Ranganathan:Great for numbers though, on the app. I think, advice wise, I think this is a bit of an attitudinal thing. What are you like when you're ill? I've got a lot better. I used to be quite a little bit of a sort of hyper-reactive. But I think actually I sort of did some reading about this. Basically, it's a change of thought process. Sometimes when we get ill, we see it as, oh, my God, everything's ended and I feel terrible. And that actually makes you feel worse. and actually if you are like my body is experiencing something I know this sounds a bit wanky my body's experiencing something and it's fighting the infection or the whatever and you treat that as a series of experiences to deal with then you're more inclined to try and continue to live your life as normal as you possibly can do you know what I mean?

24:55Romesh Ranganathan:I think it's a bit considerate sometimes I got to the point where I was feeling ill and I felt like I couldn't really put it on Lisa, you know I couldn't really express too much of it to Lisa because she's busy enough. Do you know what I mean? And she would be sympathetic, but what I don't want to do is add to her burden. Do you know what I mean? So I feel like I sort of try to be a bit more kind of, I guess sort of suck it up. Like I would say I'm feeling rough, but I wouldn't then go, can you get me this?

25:19Tom Davis:Did you used to catastrophize with it?

25:21Romesh Ranganathan:Totally. Yeah, yeah, like really catastrophize about it. Whereas now I would embrace death. Really? No, I'm joking. But I feel like I would catastrophize when you go, this must be this much. I read Johnny Vegas's autobiography and he had it really bad, like a proper voice in his head. Well, when he's feeling ill, this thing would speak to him going, you're going to die, you know. This is almost certainly going to die. And I would have it, I did have to overcome that with the kids. As soon as the kids were ill, the catastrophizing, where I'd just get so worried about it. It was crippling. At one point, when we first had Theo, I actually got to a point where I thought the joy of having Theo is being outweighed by the level of worry I have about him.

26:03Romesh Ranganathan:And I had to find a way of getting through that. I've only just got through that with grace. Yeah, it's hard. That is really hard. That's one of the hardest things. Yeah, but what I would say is, I would like, you can treat all of these things as a bit of a development opportunity. Do you know what I mean? So the next time you experience a cold or a flu or something like that, just go, I am going to take this as an opportunity to try and be a little less hyper-reactive to it and see how you get on. Do you know what I mean? I think that's the way and you can sort of beautiful stuff my friend thanks so much

26:32Tom Davis:thank you for sending those in if you want to get in touch you can email wolfowpod at gmail.com see you next time thanks friends

26:59Thank you.