Marvel Auditions, Soap Dramas and Spider Bites

14:16Romesh Ranganathan:You couldn't even fucking sit in the way you wanted to.

14:22Romesh Ranganathan:I love you so much.

14:28Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think we're going to get any, I don't think there's going to be a Chinese drama cheating scandal on Wolf and Al. I think we're right to just come up with it. Okay, should we come up with it? All right, fine. Okay. I'm the big CEO of a massive company. Okay. a conglomerate called EarFunnels Direct. EarFunnels Direct. Yeah. Okay. What's your name? Max Lowcroft. Okay. You are sort of like a busy bee around the office. Okay. Here we go. I mean, this is the bit where it feels preempted. You're the CEO and I'm a busy bee around the office. No, no. But you're basically a whistleblower and you're trying to bring my company down because you've seen there's unethical trading within the EarFunnel world.

15:11Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so what's the level of unethical? Like we're using plastic that's harmful to ear canals. Okay, fine. Okay. Your name is Russ Titan. Okay. Okay. So you know what you got to do, everybody. I'm done for. If I'm going to be here for another week, we're going to start making more ear photos. Hello? Oh, God. What do you want? Sorry to interrupt your meeting. Why are you talking like that? This is how I talk. All right. This is how I've always spoken. I've never spoken to you before. Now, listen, sir. I don't know quite how to say this. You better have something interesting to say, or I'm going to kick your ass right out of this big building.

15:50But what I want to know is, how can you live with yourself?

15:54Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, I don't live by myself. No, with yourself. I live with a wife and kids. No, with yourself. Don't start telling people I live on my own. No, I'm not saying you live on your own. I'm saying with yourself. What do you mean by that? But as in with your conscience. Hey, are you a whistleblower? What makes you say that?

16:14The way that you're holding yourself. We had a whistleblower here a couple of years ago. Tell me about the plastic in your ear funnels. I'll never talk about the plastic in my ear funnels. That plastic's the best plastic you can buy.

16:25Romesh Ranganathan:It's harmful to canals. And you know it. Air canals is the storyline. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Air canals, sorry. But also, that type of plastic you throw in a canal is going to cause issues there as well. But I'm talking mainly about air canals. Listen, you tell anybody about this plastic... I'll tell you who can't listen. The millions of people that you've sold ear funnels to, whose ear canals have been damaged by your funnels. Listen to me, and you listen good. If you cross me, you will see a side of me you don't want to see. Okay? I think I might be looking at that side right now. Oh, really? What if I was to say that I know where you live?

16:59Romesh Ranganathan:Of course you do, and it's on the employee record. You're the CEO. I know. It's not a secret. And if you carry on the way you're going, whistleblower, I'll have 32 Horsley Road blown to smithereens. You made quite a public threat. It's only me and you here. We've left the building. You were talking to a group of people. They've all gone. Didn't you see? They're all ghosts. It's only me and you that are real. Okay. And then it would cut to the next episode. Yeah. Also, we've got loads of storylines. Can I just say, I don't think if we were to do it, we'd do it improv. because, first of all, that only works in an audio format.

17:39Romesh Ranganathan:There were a load of people in here and now they're all ghosts and we're the only real people. I mean, that feels like the main story. Why the fuck are we focusing on the plastic in the ear funnels? Everyone that works for the company is dead apart from you and me. Did you see the ghost thing come in? No, because it's fucking insane. So the audience is sitting there going, fucking all this is full of spins. Oh, I see, yeah, yeah. So next time they go, oh my God, I've got to watch the next episode. Yeah, okay, okay. And that starts with your house blowing up. and you come running out and then like I come running out of the house and just blown up and you're like you know oh fucking hell mate this is worse than I thought it would be so I wouldn't talk at all how I did in the first episode no yeah yeah your voice was very cool by the way so it was like a cool whistle by voice yeah yeah I think there's something to that yeah I actually don't I actually think the ghost thing wasn't bad but the thing is it only works really if it's a radio play no we'd obviously have a bit of a budget to do it yeah I know but how would that look they're all ghosts well we'll probably have to use some of this is a place I don't notice no no no it'd be covered you have the table here it'd be just a camera work because you've got a two-shot of me and you yeah singles of me and you when the camera goes round we've just said to all the other actors quick go go I get it so it comes back it is no one there and then you go what yeah I think it's not about first episode anyway how are you good good I've got quite bad hay fever actually i feel quite bunged up i feel like hay fever has been a sort of i keep on thinking every year i'm going to get the injection i'm going to get the injection you can get a hay fever anti-hay fever can you yeah i didn't know that yeah i should do it i should say every year i don't know it's like 25 quid i think but it's the snotty nose the eyes everything my face is all sort of like stuffed up i think as well i've still got spider venom in me so yeah I probably think spider venom makes the hay fever worse.

19:34Sort of. It's in my veins. It's in my blood, isn't it? Have you seen what happened to Peter Parker?

19:39Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. I mean, I would say it's affecting your conversation. Really? Yeah. Do you think it is? Well, I mean, that was a load of shit, what you just said. All the spider venoms affecting my hay fever. Of course, if there's spider venom in you alongside. I don't think there's spider venom in you. Mate, if a spider bit you and he's got, because if you see. Tom, you don't even know you were bitten by a spider. Well, I was bitten by something. Second of all, it has to be like one of those deadly tarantulas. Yeah, Rob Beckett took a picture of one in his kitchen last year. Of what? A big spider. Was it like a tarantula?

20:13Well, it was quite a big spider. I don't know if it was a tarantula. And was it bitey? I don't know. Can we look this?

20:16Romesh Ranganathan:I'm going to look this up. Are there poisonous spiders in England? Oh, fuck. Go on. This is where you run your mouth and think that you're the bright spark. So are we in kiddolthood? Kiddolthood, what a great reference. Go on. Yes, there are venomous spiders in the UK. None are deadly. The most notable is the noble false widow. The noble, is it what you call itself, noble? That's the name of it. The noble false widow. Yeah. I don't think it's saying... By the way, what a stupid like, noble and false in the same name. No, it's a false widow that's noble. Yeah, well, it's not noble. It's sneaking around biting people when they're in beds.

21:04It's a fucking prick. That's such a snidey little move to do, can I say.

21:08Romesh Ranganathan:I feel like I'm in a fucking Wetherspoons there. The most notable is a noble false widow, which can deliver a painful bite similar to a wasp sting. Yep. Bites are rare, defensive, and rarely cause severe symptoms. Though they can cause pain and nausea. Have you experienced any of that? What, nausea? Yeah. I had a bit of diarrhea. but then I did eat four of those. The noble false widow is considered the most venomous in the UK, often found in southern England, but spreading north. Where have you been? Huh? I live in southern England. So, yeah. What's going on? What I'm just saying, I knew I was right.

21:41Romesh Ranganathan:It's giving you a bit of an attitude. Yeah, because now I'm on my look at these things. Is that what it looks? Oh, you don't know. You didn't say that. No. Other false widows. That one actually looks like the spider that beat Spider-Man. I mean, all spiders look fairly similar, don't they? No, but look at his back. That guy's terrifying, isn't he? Bites usually cause localised pain, swelling and itching. Yeah. When did you get bitten? I think it was Saturday. Saturday. It's now? Monday. 1 to 12 hours. Okay, then this is more severe than that. Couldn't you say there's a lot of like, it could have been something.

22:16Romesh Ranganathan:Clean the area thoroughly with soap and water. Did you do that? Yeah, I did yesterday, yeah. Yesterday? Yeah, I went to bed. You know, I literally got back. Okay, but have you had a shower today? Yeah, of course I had a shower today. Well, I don't think you have. I have had a shower today. Smell me. Cut me. I've had a shower. Apply an antiseptic cream. Yeah, I've done that. Use cold packs. No, I need to use cold packs. Because that's why I've worn a looser pair of trainers. Okay. Look, colour me informed. Well, there we go. I'm sorry. I want to apologise on behalf of, well, myself actually, for doubting Tom Davis.

22:52there was also the woman who was in charge of Pucker Pies got bitten right and got blood something wrong with her blood from spiders yeah she was in the cinema watching a film I don't know what film it was but maybe a Marvel movie and she got bitten by a spider thought nothing of it and then got sort of a blood disease but are you not worried then I've just said to you of course you know I'm a hypercontractor

23:12Romesh Ranganathan:yeah but it says it normally lasts 1 to 12 hours it's been like 48 yeah that is not really worrying you don't seem worried I am worried I'm genuinely but you're quite an expressive guy Yeah, until I get really worried about something. And now I'm thinking about this. This could be the end. That Homer Simpson and that last episode of Simpsons, you know, when he's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he eats the chili. Yeah, yeah. And he sits at his window and the sun goes down and he's looking out. Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah. Yeah. I probably need to go to a chemist after me and you have lunch together. So, okay.

23:43Romesh Ranganathan:So you're that worried about it, that you think this might be the end. So you're going to go to Dishun with me and then you're going to go to a chemist. Yeah. I'll go and see a foot farm. By the way, shout out pharmacists. Big shout out pharmacists. I think they're doing so much great work out there. They are. They really are. They're incredible people. And people don't realize that they're doing great work. Do you know what? I would say now, never met a bad pharmacist. They're so good at stopping you buying too much Octravine. Yeah. I've never been there. That seems to be their main job. I will tell you now, I go to our pharmacist quite a lot.

24:10I've become actually friends with a local pharmacist. Yeah. So much time for the guy. Yeah. Just have a laugh, have a bit of joke. Sometimes pop in even if they don't need something. I knock on the window. I don't do that. What?

24:20Romesh Ranganathan:I wouldn't but don't pop in and bother people when you don't actually have something to do for them yeah but I think that's what this I think we miss that now I think the high street is dying because people don't just look like when you're in Sunderland yeah we talked about that they created a furore of Romesh Ranganathans walking shop to shop getting selfies with people that's like a beautiful thing right if that'll be a day those people will remember forever I don't think they will I think when you're walking around and you're in your local high street your local area yes popping in like Postman Pat knocking on a window yeah Hey, Bruce.

24:51Hello, Val. You know, I come here. It's Dan. Yeah. I just think it's a nice thing to be nice to people. I get it. You know, doing it, I mean, you can't do it now because everyone's really fussy about windows being clean. Nothing funnier than squashing your face against a window and pulling a funny face.

25:07Romesh Ranganathan:Nothing funnier? Come on, you know that's funny. That's funny for all ages. Not now at the moment because I've got a snotty nose and I wouldn't want to do it. I worry about leaving a residue on the window. Yeah. At the moment, I leave it, yeah. It looks like a snail was crawled across the window. But for the most part, I just think that is, I think in society being a little bit, the world is so terrifying at the moment. I agree, actually. And actually just being a bit more wacky and a little bit more, yeah. Not wacky, I don't think wacky, but I do think I could learn something from you in terms of being friendly to strangers.

25:34Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. In fact, I read a thing that actually we should treat everybody as if they're a potential friend. Mate, you read that, I've lived that. I've lived that my whole life. So you try to make friends with everybody? I don't try, no. Some people I'm like straight away, I get a bad vibe from. Most of the time you're quite thirsty. See, this is where it falls down. The use of thirsty. It's not about thirstiness. Tom, don't behave like you've never used the word thirsty. I use it all the time. And I know I need a quenching.

26:04My point is this. It's not like everyone in the world that I meet, I want that to be my friend. What I'm saying, Romsky, is when I get an aura from someone, I'm like, you know what, that's, even if I'm not going to know them or speak to them again, sometimes it's just nice to bath in someone's rays just for a second. If someone's really not, you know, it's got warmth to them.

26:23Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah. And I think you should, it'd be good for you to do that more. Have you ever brushed anyone's hair apart from Lisa? I've not brushed Lisa's hair. Have you not brushed Lisa's hair? Brushed her hair? Yeah. Sorry, this whole time, have you thought that Lisa's my daughter? No. Have you brushed Catherine's hair? I've taken like, when Catherine had, years ago, she had hair extensions in, I took them out for her. okay but that's not brushing her hair yeah i've brushed it after yeah i think i've brushed her hair before yeah it's quite a nice thing when's the last time you brushed her hair i think probably a couple years ago you have not brushed her i have definitely brushed her hair at some point in what context you brushed her hair apart from the extensions thing i think when we've been sitting on holiday and she's just like you know it's a nice feeling for someone i mean it's something it'll never happen to me again right right she brushed my beard actually the other day it's lovely she got a little brush out she gave me a little beard brushing really sweet nice kindred moment between the two of us.

27:16Yeah, really nice. So, but people, it's a really nice thing when someone runs a brush for your hair from what I remember. So actually, maybe you should try, like, maybe, right? You and Lisa sit down, start watching below deck. Lisa sits between your legs, right? And you just brush your hair for her.

27:34Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think I'm going to do that. Why? I just think, I just don't, it's not. Does that feel nice, Lisa? Does that feel good, girl?

27:44Yeah, it feels good, Ron. No, it's just a nice thing. You know what? That is the thing about it. As we get older, what you realise is intimacy in those parts, of little bits of intimacy. It hasn't got to be grand moments. It's just nice little bits of connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that makes sense.

28:00Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. How often do you brush your hair? I don't think I ever brush my hair. What? I can't think of it. How does it look so amazing? I just run my fingers throughout. It's a beautiful thing. I don't think most people don't brush their hair. Most blokes don't brush their hair, I don't think. Well, no, I think it depends on the style. If you've got one of them slick back. Yeah, yeah. Yours looks like it's been manicured within an inch of its life. No, it doesn't. It does. Have you not got a flick comb or anything like that? I forgot we met on the set of Grease.

28:36Romesh Ranganathan:No, but you don't carry a little comb around? to sort of like if you saw me if midway through this podcast I flicked out a comb and started doing my hair what would you do I respect you so much I think they're the little moments I think they're the characters I miss Bobby the comb do you know what I mean yeah you know I think do you know I think we're going to I would think it's a sad day and a damning indictment of the rest of your personality that because you occasionally use a flick out comb you get to be called Bobby the comb what does that say about everything else to do with you yeah but it's no different than me being called Big Tom.

29:10I suppose it's the most, yeah, recognisable thing about me.

29:12Romesh Ranganathan:Bobby the Combo.

29:17I used to know a guy called Pete the Axe. Right. Right. And he got called that because he, people talked about him in this pub I used to go to. It was quite a rough pub. Yeah. People would like to talk about Pete the Axe. And I was terrified. Like, I fucking know this guy sounds fierce, and Pete the Axe. What was his name? Pete the Axe. Right. And he came in the pub this morning, and he was,

29:35Romesh Ranganathan:What do people around the area know? Pete the Axe. everyone used to go oh you see Pete the Axe Pete the Axe Pete the Axe oh he was down at a pub last night Pete the Axe and I was always like oh Pete the Axe is going to be some sort of like lunatic who? Pete the Axe he's going to like you know Frank the Axe Frank the Axe McVitie right you put an axe by it it sounds you know it's not like Bobby the Comb yeah and Pete came down Pete the Axe he came down to the pub one day he was such a sort of like meek man who was? Pete the Axe

30:14he probably actually would have gone to your dad's club um yeah why was he called pete the axe so he came in and i i was i was really excited to meet him because i thought he was going to be like sort of like some rough stuff yeah yeah and he came in and uh he said um oh hello mate you know he was chatting so i said oh yeah do you know pete i said oh you pete the axe and he went oh yeah yeah, I'll pick the axe. And I was like, really? And he was... Oh, you didn't do that.

30:37Romesh Ranganathan:You wouldn't have done that. No, I didn't really. But I was like, why did they call you... In your head you were thinking. Yeah. Why did they call you pick the axe? And he went, oh, about five years ago, someone down here needed to lend him an axe, so I just lent them an axe. I was just like, that's an insane thing to have got a nickname as prestigious and as fucking terrified as pick the axe because you once lent someone an axe. So Bobby the comb isn't much of a throw because there's probably two Bobbies in a group. I bet who the fuck's borrowing a comb, by the way. That's disgusting. Yeah, you're not going to name Bobby the Cone because you lent someone a comb.

31:06Romesh Ranganathan:No, but that's how we Pete the Axe go, isn't it? Yeah, but Pete the Axe, yeah. But also, to be fair, after getting to know Pete, that was the only interesting story he had, that he actually lent someone an axe. Whereas Bobby the Cone's probably got a bit more around him. He probably has a toothpick in his mouth. He's sort of like probably sort of quite debonair and sort of... But I'd say you want Bobby the Cone on a stag do more than Pete the Axe. Sure, sure. Come on, let's that clear that. What if you could have the most reliable Wi-Fi at the same price for five years? That's the Xfinity five-year price guarantee.

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32:16So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there. How have you been, by the way? What's going on in your life?

32:30Romesh Ranganathan:Well, Theo's 16. Yep. We started to discuss driving lessons. Do you know how straightaway depressing this is? So... That your firstborn will drive before I can, maybe. Well, I was going to say... Yeah. It's quite a good incentive for you. So Theo's talking about driving lessons. Okay. He wants to get his driving licence as soon as possible. He would like to enjoy some freedom. I don't know what freedom. He's in the top 1 % of privileged children on the fucking planet. So he wants... But you know what it is? He's growing, boy. He's growing. Yeah. And also, you know... He's got a girlfriend now.

33:10Romesh Ranganathan:Lisa's running him around a lot. He's got a girlfriend. And by the way, shout out to him for independence. Because he realises his mum's doing an incredible job. Big shout out to him for independence, yeah. Yeah. So here's the first question. Yeah. Is it... This is the thing I asked. Yeah. How many driving lessons have you had? I've had quite a few. Okay. I learned to drive like four times and just quit before the test. You let it. Yeah, yeah, I get it. So my recollection, I passed my driving test 23 years ago, 24 years ago. Okay. So you were 32, weren't you? Sorry. My difficult thing is with your maths, I didn't know whether you were trying to do a joke or not.

33:59by the way Grace is excelling at maths is she yeah so that started

34:03Romesh Ranganathan:to worry

34:06Romesh Ranganathan:anyway the question on my recollection of driving lessons is that the most difficult part is the gear changing yeah but that's not a problem well why is it not a problem because it automatics it's the future well this is the question that we then raised yeah is it worth him learning in a manual or an automatic like because manual is a lot harder a lot harder yeah i've got a manual driving license but i'm of that age when manual cars are knocking about yeah i can't think of the last time i drove a manual car yeah so if he's driving one of your numerous cars he's not going to have a manual car well but all joking aside it's so you're learning an automatic i'll learn an automatic it's by the way i've literally so in the last three weeks had a couple of situations at home where katherine I'm not going to get too into it but Catherine we've had some situations here and there with Catherine's family members and it's been like she's like well I've got to go here I'm not going to be around for the day so you need to do this this and this and Grace all of a sudden she's for like Catherine drives Catherine drives of course yeah but she's like got a few clubs or I've got to take her to a party and all of a sudden it's like oh shit actually yeah I kind of need a driving license for the first time do you know what I've never ever gone oh I need a driving license this is the first time now I'm like did it because some people get off put by a potential partner not having a driving licence?

35:24Romesh Ranganathan:Was it ever a thing with you? You know what? Sadly, it was one of my least concerns of all of my four balls. Of all of the things I have wrong with me, driving licence was the one thing I thought, you know, to be fair. She got over the four balls thing. Yeah. Some people pronounce it foibles. Yeah, the four balls. But actually, what people don't realise is that when you first met Catherine, you had four balls. Well, it was like a cow who has two stomachs. I had four balls. Yeah, a ball bag up my butt. Jesus Christ. no but i of all the things that um i had yeah i was like yeah and also i was very open and when we first lived together we lived in sort of london so it was like yeah so it's known actually in london there's no reason to drive and it only really dawned on us when we moved out to this sort of peterborough way that oh shit actually no this is now becoming a bit of a yeah a bit more of a problem i'll get your blood um but anyway back to the man in charge t-o so anyway so i said to Theo do you want to learn in automatic or manual because I'm just telling you that it'd be much easier in automatic because all of my most of my fuck ups when I was learning to drive were because it's awful and you know like the hill starts and all that shit whereas like automatic it's like Mario Kart exactly by the way amazing game yes and that needs a big up doesn't it so well done we like to shout small businesses big shout out to the makers of Mario Kart Nintendo keep plugging away guys anyway he wants to learn manual why I don't know he said he wants to this is what I respect about Theo though why because he wants to do things the hard way he could easily I think it's needlessly hard no but he wants to push himself yeah you know yeah I don't see the point though I don't know why you're making your life harder than it needs to be but his argument is that he might come across a manual car and there might be an emergency situation and he wants to be able to drive it I mean he's wrong in both those situations because manual cars are obsolete I mean my dad I would say to him, do it.

37:21But my dad still has, I think, a manual car. He's one of the only people that I know who still has one.

37:27Romesh Ranganathan:I can't think of the last time we had a manual car. Yeah. I can't think of it. But I don't even make in them much anymore. Can we look this up? Actually, can we have two questions, please? First question, are manual cars still being manufactured in the UK? Yep. Manual transmission cars in 2026 are rare. Wow. Theo, come on, man. Limited largely to performance models. You want me to speak to him? Pardon? Do you want me to speak to Theo for you? I'd love you to. And specific enthusiast cars with only about one in five new cars offering a manual gearbox. So you are right, bro. Yeah. Okay. Can we ask a second question?

38:00Romesh Ranganathan:Is it worth getting a manual driving license in 2026? Good question. Thank you. Getting a manual driving license in 2026 is still considered worthwhile for most. But not essential. Though not essential as the automotive industry rapidly shifts towards automatic and electric vehicles. A manual license offers greater versatility and lower car purchase costs. I don't really think those reasons are... I mean, yeah, I would say this, right? First of all, he's coming from a very privileged background. Yeah. So he doesn't have to worry about that. I would say, by the way, that... Lucky little shit. Yeah.

38:35Romesh Ranganathan:A lucky big shit. He's taller than me almost now. Is he? Big old boy. He'll be, yeah, and once he's got his car, he'll be the dominant, he'll be the alpha, he'll be the silverback. What do you mean he'll be the silverback? In the house. Once he's got a car and he can do what he wants, he doesn't need you for lifts I think your relationship will change for the better actually in what way? we see each other less no no but you're he's turning into a man that's the thing do you know I'm I've yeah so I've been thinking about so now I'm weirdly Theo's Theo's spurred me on you and Theo have both reached that age where you're thinking about getting a drive in last sense

39:10yeah I'm 30 years older than Theo yeah very much he's someone I look up to for inspiration.

39:17Romesh Ranganathan:I was wondering if you could learn together. You know what? Would you take us out for some lessons? No. Why? I don't know if you, you don't think you'd be a good teacher. I think Lisa would be an incredible driver. Why? She's just very patient with people. Why do you say that? She's got a lovely patience to her. How many times have you met Lisa? Enough to know that she's got a patience. No, I know what you're saying. What? Because she's married to me. No. Do you know what? Not everything's about you. That's such a narcissistic thing to say. we're talking about my wife and my son. I think I'm involved a little bit.

39:45No, look, can I just say, I've met Lisa a number of times. I've also talked about Lisa with you quite a lot. Lisa spends most of her time, right, selflessly, as does Catherine, driving around the boys, doing stuff for the boys. We both know the level of patience it takes, let alone I can see with Catherine with one daughter for three sons, it's going to be a lot of patience. I'll just say, by the way, I would throw myself into this, I would be awful as a driving teacher. I don't think number one Grace already at four doesn't respect me enough to listen to me certainly the respect is more in Catherine's direction I'd also say that I don't know if I'd have the weather rule to pass on and even have the confidence to say this is how you do something as important as driving yeah so I don't I didn't mean it as a slight on you I just think Theo I think you probably try and turn it into a bit more sort of fun bonding you're getting an hour with Theo just the two of you I think number one you should be doing that going to watch football and do something more social, which you do with him.

40:44Romesh Ranganathan:What's going on here? Am I studying on fucking Dr. Phil? I'm just saying an hour. I do socialize with Theo. No, no, you do. But an hour of intense driving lessons is a really tough thing to do between the two of you. So I'm sorry. I've just told you I'm not doing it. I'm just saying if you get bullied into thinking about doing it. I'm not going to get bullied. Or let him have 20, 30 lessons, right? And then you jump in and go, right, yeah, take the glory. Do a John Terry. I'm not taking him driving. will you get the car with him once he drives uh yeah once he drives yeah how many lessons do you think it'll take theo to learn to drive well it's i don't know i don't know it took me like maybe 15 20 15 20 something like that i'm thinking of doing one of those intense courses that's a good idea because that way you sandwich it and you don't retain any of the information is that what it is it makes you much more dangerous on the road is that true no i worry about no i worry about my attention.

41:40Romesh Ranganathan:Well, because the other thing is you're driving in, like, where you live, it's all Lamborghinis and Ferraris around there with all the neighbours and stuff like that. Do you know what I mean? So, you're in a higher... I live in Crawley. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? In the castle in Crawley. I don't live in a castle in Crawley. You live on a big hill in a castle in Crawley. No, I don't. You've got... Look... By the way, can we just get into a bit of bugbears here? I don't know. We've not got... I respect delivery drivers. Last night... Oh, God. I just want to get into this a little bit. Okay.

42:11Romesh Ranganathan:I know that people talk about blue jobs and red jobs and all that shit. So whenever we're getting takeaway delivery, that always falls on me, right? Yep, same. Okay. Now, my second issue is, is that because I've got three children, getting a consensus on where we go is incredibly rare. Yeah. right and often they want to they want to place each where one is uber eats and one is delivery oh man this is right can i just say by the way so this is an insane thing of modern life i just want you to weigh in on the idea can i just say just quickly of me and my sister or you and din with our parents and them taking us out for food on a sunday afternoon and then saying they don't want that choice my sister wants mcdonald's and i want pizza pizza hut the idea of my parents going oh that's cool that's fine yeah and then us yeah it's a fucking disgrace yeah it's insane and i know this won't get through to the kids because it'll be a cold day in hell when they listen to this podcast but my point is first of all you're going we're going to get takeaway yeah secondly they're going well we can't agree so then you go okay thirdly yeah i suggested that lisa manages the uber eats and i do the delivery right that was poo-pooed yeah so instead i do both orders neither of them can find the house so they're arriving within three minutes of each other it was one of the most high pressure evenings of my life yeah yeah one guy's down the road he goes i'm down i'm like i'm i go to i can that you put in your location and they don't follow that yeah and so he's like down the road somewhere so i'm running down after him while i'm doing that i'm getting a call from the other guy this is i think i'm here yeah and i look on that map he's not where he's supposed to be so the whole king gary episode on this i did this at a dinner party that me and katherine had years and years and years ago where we have people friends from the neighbors around and i'm running around we best the whole game it's insane by the way can i just say that i don't know what it like katherine literally as soon as there's any or even if i'm not in the house she'll text and say we need this delivery we need like supermarket delivery so for grace's lunch tomorrow like some pita bread or whatever can you do it and i'm like i'm in northampton like so I've got to go on do the delivery obviously it's harder things to do but I'm like we've got a family account yeah you're at home and what names do you call her what sort of names do you call her when she's asked kitten you say I'm really aggravated by that kitten I'm in Northampton kitten Amazon presents Jeff vs Taco Truck Salsa whether it's Verde Roja or the orange one for Jeff trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower.

44:59Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habanero? More like Habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. Where is Daredevil? A minor. Don't miss the return of Marvel Television's Daredevil Born Again. So what's next? I've been liberated! I'm going to take this city back. In an all-new season, now streaming only on Disney+. They're hunting us. It's time we started hunting them. I can work with them. This should be tons of fun. Marvel Television's Daredevil, Born Again, now streaming only on Disney+. I had a weird one the other. Catherine was the wife. She went to Paris with some friends.

45:49And I was just me and little Jay. had an amazing long weekend one of my favourite weekends for a long time not too careful I've just got some quality time with Grace but we had a little pizza evening Deliverer got some pizza together chilled little picnic pizza in the lounge anyway I said we have a bit of a later night so you go to bed 7.38 so we go to bed in our bed mine and Catherine's bed get her to sleep she was being quiet I sort of it was a bit like Adam Sandler in Big Daddy she'd had far too much sugar pizza but she was she was jumping up the water so i finally get her to sleep and then about eight o 'clock half eight a cold call and i've not had a call someone bangs on my fucking door like knocks on the door and i'm like the fuck is this banging on it i run down and he starts trying to sell me some fucking like patio i thought it wasn't allowed anymore i thought it wasn't allowed but i'm like bro you're my daughter's asleep you're banging on the door I said what and it was raining I'm like why are you out at this time of night doing this it's insane did you say that yeah I was like if you this is no one's going to answer the door at this time of night and go oh come in yeah I'll have a chat about St.

46:59Patty it's an insane sales pitch and he was like yeah no you're the only one who's opened the door so far so I was like yeah get yourself into the warm so you invited him in no no I told him to go home right but it was just insane I've not had a cold woke grace up then I've got to do a whole I don't know if your kids are older. I had a whole bedtime routine again.

47:21Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. We used to get the religious ones come around. Yeah, yeah. Knock on the door. I respect it. What the... We had a couple of different denominations, but they'd come and sort of say, do you want to welcome God into your life? I told you about the wind-up I did on them. So we had some people, I don't know whether they're Jehovah's Witnesses or something. Jehovah's Witnesses or something. Yeah, you know, the religious people. And they knock on our door. and I was upstairs with Catherine and we were in bed and we had a ring doorbell at the time. And I went... By the way, I know this is going to be hilarious from the smile that's playing across your lips as you start to tell this tale, but go on.

48:00And I go on the ring doorbell just as they're walking away and go, thank you for all your work you're doing. You're making me very proud. And they both turned around and I was like, keep on carrying. Just before,

48:15Romesh Ranganathan:as you carry on, this isn't as funny as you think it is. It was really funny at the time. It made my wife laugh. Keep on doing your work. You're doing great. This is your Lord and Saviour. I thought it was really funny. No, it's funny, isn't it? You and your wife taking the piss out of somebody's heartfelt beliefs. No, I just think, you're going about banging on people. You're quite a bullying vibe you two, haven't you? You're banging on people's doors. Yeah, hold on, okay. Can I just play, I was about to say devil's advocate god's advocate yeah god's advocate yeah you you believe in god not you yeah i do sort of okay one generally okay people that believe in god do not impersonate him with the exception of morgan freeman i thought he did a great run right so mate i don't believe in the easter bunny but i put a question well if it made grace to grace laugh i believe i don't know i believe in lionel messi i put on a tom tom no no adults believe in the easter bunny okay Okay?

49:10Romesh Ranganathan:So it's a total fucking bullshit argument. All right? So let's put your straw man to one side. Okay? And talk about this specific thing. Well, come on. These people not only believe in God. Yeah. By the way, can I say they both laughed? I think they laughed. Okay. I think there's a bit of self-preservation going on here. Right? So these people believe in God. Yeah. They believe that God is their only salvation. And they feel so strongly about that. No, they don't, by the way. Jehovah's Witnesses think there's a rocket ship that's going to take them to space. Okay, fine. I don't know what they believe.

49:46Romesh Ranganathan:So anyway, the point is... You've climbed up on your fucking box quite quickly. Can we look this up, please? What do Jehovah's Witnesses believe? There's a rocket ship. There's a rocket ship. There's something about a ship. I think you'll watch The Simpsons. That's where most of my beliefs come from. Do you know what it is, actually? When I was younger, I went out with a girl whose parents... That's the end of that story. That's novel enough. Whose parents were Jehovah's Witnesses. Right. And what did they say? I didn't really talk to them much. I was sort of like... They thought Star Wars was a documentary.

50:18No, but I remember her saying that, you know, her talking about her dad, there was only going to be a certain amount of room for believers on a ship. How old were you? Probably about 15, 16, yeah. She was actually, I think about her quite a lot, so she's a good woman, good girl. She's very sweet, yeah. She's hanging out quite a lot. sort of hung out at her house. I remember, like, she'd never had chocolate before. She came to our house and sort of gauged herself. We had Jaffa cakes. And she just was just, it was amazing, the sense of wonder that she had just scrumping back on Jaffa cakes. So, yeah.

50:56Romesh Ranganathan:Tom, what's just happened to you is actually disgusting. What? You've sort of just gone into, like, I felt like I was your grandson sat on your knees to tell me the story of this love that you lost.

51:11things have turned out alright for her? I don't know about her we know how things have turned out for you she dumped me in the end can I show you what you did? go on

51:24Romesh Ranganathan:I often think about her she'd never eaten chocolate before she came round and gorged herself on Jaffa Cakes although I pronounce it gauged for some reason I'll never forget the wonder in her eyes as she scrumped back those Jaffa cakes. I think about her. All worked out in the end, though. I mean, for me, she could be dead. No, she's not dead. I don't think, I hope she's not dead. Well, so you don't know? No. Okay. Anyway, the point is... Well, I do remember she had a brother called... I can't actually remember her name, which is terrible. I remember her brother. He was called Wayne. So he sort of stayed with you?

52:03Romesh Ranganathan:No, he met him a few times. Right. Had he had chocolate before? No, no. I never forget Wayne. He wasn't really the one I hung out with, but he had an energy and a magic to him that stays with me even today. Weirdly, even though she was my girlfriend, I didn't really remember her name, but I remember Wayne. God, he loved the Jaffa cake. Sometimes I'd walk around the town with Jaffa cakes on me in the hope that I'd bump into Wayne. And maybe he'd say to me, hello, Tom. Have you got one of those sweet, sweet Jaffas? And I'd look him in the eye and go, I got you, big boy. I got you, Wayne. Sweet Wayne.

52:44Romesh Ranganathan:Anyway, these two people traveling door to door to help save people. Can I just say, but it's quite boring. And then you were pretending to be God out of a ring doorbell. Can I say, it's quite a boring job. Like, a little bit of laughter and a little bit of excitement. Did they laugh? I don't know. They were walking away and they both looked back. I mean, to be fair, at one point they both looked back like, oh, shit, this is a moment. I don't think they did. I think you can tell when it's a fucking ring doorbell. They haven't seen ring doorbells before. I haven't got ring doorbells. They're going door to fucking door.

53:14Romesh Ranganathan:Do you think you're the only person? Do you think you're the first person in the world to own a ring doorbell? They don't know how they work, do they? They're not Amish people. They don't know about stuff like that. They're not like Amish people, mate. They are. They're not like Amish people. They're not like Amish people. Mate, they don't live in the same world as we do, in a sense. They don't have modern stuff. They don't have Squire TV. They know what a fucking ring doorbell is. They'll be wearing like clogs and stuff. No, they won't. All right. Have a look now. Okay, let's have a look. Jehovah's Witnesses, just literally make this a question.

53:46Romesh Ranganathan:Jehovah's Witnesses are Amish people. I think they're out of version of the Amish. We don't have versions. Shout out the Amish, by the way. I actually respect the Amish. Yeah. Jehovah's Witnesses and the Amish share similarities in their strict moral code. Oh God, you're right. Yeah. Separation from mainstream society and practices of shunning. Yeah. But they're fundamentally different in their lifestyle and theological beliefs. The Amish are known to reject modern technology and living a rural lifestyle, while Jehovah's Witnesses are integrated into modern society. Okay, okay. Often using internet and technology.

54:19Romesh Ranganathan:They're all fully aware of what a ring doorbell is. So that's a weird addition to that. Can I just say, by the way, I think there's something really sweet about it. Amish-wise, I think that's such a... We don't really get them in this country, do we, the Amish? No. I think that's that's a way of life building the bars it's the second time you've done that you know I sometimes think about the Irish their way of life you don't really get them in this country but if one of them knocked on my door I'd say hey friend come on in have a glass of water have a Jeff again I would like to be called like Big Jebediah Davis that would be a yeah yeah it's not an impossible dream you start you know you can start it now no but I just say BJD I think that in a world that is confusing and a world that is ever evolving to go back in time and just think, oh, that's quite sweet.

55:12That'd be lovely. Yeah.

55:15Romesh Ranganathan:Tom? Yeah. Please, could you give us your final thought? Eggs and bacon, sausages and fried toast. What makes a great fry-up? Well, actually, it's not the fry-up itself. See, I've eaten fry-ups in all different places. Sometimes I sat there with a plate of beans thinking these beans are overdone, but you know what? I barely noticed. Because actually any meal, fryer, roast dinner, isn't about the food in which you eat. It's about the company in which you keep. See, the company you're in, even if the food is bad, can turn a bad meal into a good one. Hey, tell, remember that night we went to that place and had that really bad spaghetti bolognese?

55:54Yeah, I do remember, Ian. And that's the thing about bad memories, silly memories, things that don't go right. they're sometimes the greatest memories of all and I guess that's what looking back does when you're stuck in the moment you go oh god this meal is awful it's terrible what will everyone think but the truth of the matter is everyone remember it with jest so next time you're in a situation and you think maybe what you're doing isn't good enough or the meal which you cooked isn't delicious think in 10 years time this would have become a funny story that someone might tell on a podcast. Or someone might say, Sue, remember that tiramisu you cooked?

56:36You don't cook tiramisu, Sue. The truth is, try your best, do your best, but you're not always going to get your best. And if you fall short, remember, it's just a funny story in the future. Okay.

56:53Romesh Ranganathan:Really beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening and watching the Wolf and Our podcast. We love you. Wolfourpod at gmail.com if you want to send in an email. We've got an email special coming out later this week. But for now, goodbye. Boom.