Pet Problems, Bad Neighbours & Forest Etiquette

0:15Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome to the Wolf for Now email correspondence special. It's a beautiful thing. Doing that ting. Our first email. Are you ready? Should we get straight into it? Do you want to do some pleasantries? Hey. I'm Tom Davis. Romesh Ranganathan. Welcome to the bonus. Romesh Ranganathan, actually. What? That's the correct pronunciation. Why do you all like... I'm so... We get into these ones, right? Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. Ranganathan. There you go. Ranganathan. Yeah. Wow. What do you think? Do you think I'd have had a different career if I'd have called Romesh Ranganathan?

0:56I just think Romesh Ranganathan is just about the coolest name I've ever heard. do you think so fuck yes great it's definitely better than jonathan ronconathan yeah thank you

1:04Romesh Ranganathan:okay i'm more of a jonathan person though you are the yeah yeah oh this is nothing because i've got jonathans in my family i'd enjoy but you've got real jonathan tendencies thank you romish by the way you are you're an elite company because most people just call you romish right yeah that's like ronaldo or peli or a great brazilian football yeah that you have one name you're known by yeah i mean people do just call you Tom they don't know no we've been a big Tom I don't think many people just call me I can't remember the last what does cat call you

1:43Romesh Ranganathan:dongus yeah babe yeah oh what's your what's it do you have nicknames for each other yeah yeah what you're gonna finish each other she calls me and she calls me Pooh Bear that's very cute what do you call her I got I used to call a goober goober yeah I was calling a bob bobby I call Lisa Bobby yeah yeah Bobby's nice what's Lisa call you? Jonathan

2:17Jonathan John Johnny

2:23Romesh Ranganathan:let's get to the first email shall we this is from the laid back dog wow afternoon wolf owl swan and cat people don't need to address swan and cat anymore do they? I think it's quite nice to do neither of them listen to it I don't contribute or listen can you settle a dispute with my wife and I listening to your live show episode my wife is convinced that you'd have multiple women flashing their boobs to you at the shows I don't think this would be the case could you help us out and let us know do you ever get flashed or receive unsolicited tit pics what I don't know where this has come from this is insane the laid back dog is I don't know why would your wife think that also like it's like it's like it's two very neaky men talking about what losers they are.

3:10Yeah. At what point do you think I think it would be like really a strange thing for Yeah. I mean look let's get out there we'd love it if it happened. I don't I think I'd be I'm joking

3:19Romesh Ranganathan:I'm joking

3:23Romesh Ranganathan:No it doesn't happen. No. No. No. No. It would have been an insane thing. I can't think of the last pair of boobs I saw that weren't loose. I can't think of my own. My own. Yeah I guess so. My boobs. Do you ever get propositioned? I did actually get quite a lot of dick pics. I think it happens to, you know, grossly quite, you know, I think actresses I know have had more, I think men are more, men seem more inclined to send that sort of grot. I mean, Catherine Ryan gets sent some pretty grim stuff. Really? Yeah. Have you ever sent a dick pic? No. I haven't got that much confidence in that. No, no, I don't understand.

4:00I just don't understand it. I do not understand it. It's just the thought of sending it, like like I get anxiety sending you a text yeah it's a very like you know but you always sign off with a dick don't you if I send you a text just going oh you're okay bro what are you up to today right I then go oh was that a bit thirsty I worry about that text the thought of sending someone a picture of your fucking phallus of your dick and then just going and then sending it and that must be agonising like yeah the wait

4:33Romesh Ranganathan:three dots for ages is read no reply too much even think about have you said one loads of times yeah so the teachers at the boys school um okay thank you so much question two do you want to read this one greetings you sweet sweet souls from the red squirrel i'm after your advice they're the ones that we need to protect yeah yeah because of the immigrant gray squirrels that's a fact but is it really well you know gray squirrels have taken over have they yeah i mean london's not london anymore is it you look around what's happened to our culture what's happened to our red squirrel culture i just think squirrels are such little knobheads why they've got so much like what are they what you know they're just what are they they're just like what's the point what's the point of anything the things don't have to have a point These are arseholes, but they've got an edge to them.

5:33Have you ever seen squirrels running around trees? I can't. Do you know what I think this is, by the way? I just get so annoyed by the chipmunks. Well, they're not squirrels either. No, but they're like cousins, right?

5:45Romesh Ranganathan:Squirrels and chipmunks. I imagine they're the same. Yeah. Those little chipmunks. Watch out, because here we come. I mean, I'm in the dark. As soon as that came on, even as a kid, I was like, I can't have this. I thought the films were quite good no do you know what I watched it was incredible Spongebob Squarepants the movie the new one yeah was it good oh my gosh shout out Spongebob yeah big shout out amazing film and definitely has a point as well do you carry me in this email so much yeah so beautiful I'm after your advice on a January Bazaar incident involving our cat and her neighbour a few nights ago we got a call from a local vet saying our 11 year old cat had been brought in and we needed to come down urgently When my wife arrived, she found one of our neighbours in reception, clearly distressed, waiting for news about our injured cat.

6:34Romesh Ranganathan:This is weird. In some context, our cat is extremely friendly and has a habit, much to my annoyance, of wandering into other people's houses. As he's got older, he's also become less diligent with his grooming, leading to some matted clumps of fur. We've discussed this with the vet, who advised us not to cut them ourselves. Despite this, our neighbour decided, without asking us, to take clippers to his fur. In the British, she caused a three-inch cast in his side that needed stapling, and he's now stuck in a cone for ten days. She's offered to cover the vet bills and feels awful. What? While I know this came from a place of good intentions, I'm struggling to understand how anyone thought this was a sensible idea.

7:16She's repeatedly said how much she loves having the cat in her house, but now we're considering getting him a proper collar that stops him from entering her property. On one hand, this feels harsh, almost punitive, when she was trying to help. On the other hand, it feels more like a preventative, a boundary to protect the cat and avoid any future helpful interventions. I'm also unsure how we're meant to handle things going forward. Do we explicitly ask her, never do anything grooming or health-related again, or quietly put measures in place and avoid an awkward conversation altogether? I don't want to make her feel guilty, but I also can't deal with any more completely avoidable drama.

7:55All the best, the Red Squirrel. Wow Wow that is genuinely insane hmm why are you thinking to start shaving

8:05Romesh Ranganathan:someone else's cat well you know I'm sort of inclined to play devil's advocate on this okay I'd love to see well it's not your cat no no I'm not saying it's right she shouldn't have done that I mean that that much is clear but you know sorry if you've got no idea what you're doing with a pair of clippers stand away like they can be brutal clip as you get them wrong I've had loads of nicks and bumps and grazes yeah no I mean they're dangerous yeah yeah tell them the cat got three yeah gash in the side what's that that that's three inches that's three inches that's like that's like an inch there that's two inches that's three inches there well yeah yeah yeah yeah so what are you double that well I said you a bit but so she shouldn't have done it no it's a big mistake yep but she thought she was doing the right thing I mean that's she's not done it in a horrible the only thing I'd say in this right the cats go around to her house she would have thought I imagine what a nice surprises be for them also there's a part of me we don't have much context on the age and stuff with the neighbor no so if it's somebody thinks of doing a good deed and they're a little bit old but I do think I think number one it's like the red squirrels cons like obviously have been quite concerned about the fact that the cats off yeah gallivanting yeah and realizes that that's not cool but now it's taken something like this for him to put preventive measures in place so now you're in a situation that it for anyone this is a sign to go let go the gut don't wait for your cat to get shaved before you put those right he wasn't happy about it go from door to door but then you can't do it now can I well by the body thing by the way this neighbor has got very attached to his cat so much so that there's an argument that yeah he's become dependent did I tell you about my friend Wayne and the staff no so my friend Wayne Jones he had he looked after a friend's staff full man and he basically like when these people went holiday for two weeks I think it went Cypress person important to the story he when they got back the staff was all a book a bit strange and it's of a bit like it wasn't quite himself and Wayne was like oh yeah we've been I've loved it's been sleeping in my bed like coming to shower with me I've been making sure like so the staff had sort of like he become very attached in two weeks but really attached and then my friend was like and Wayne was in I really missed that the staff I'm a staff name and then stuff was constantly like Wayne would be like is your art for pop round and see the staff and whenever they come around the staff was so obsessed with Wayne that they sort of had to say that you know is that dog like it's he's pining for Wayne so it's like very once you've got a pet you've got to be very careful other people yeah when that kind of vibe I mean everything about the story is just sort of you dancing on the fact that you think Wayne the staff sort of doing things with your eyebrows and going, oh, you know, it's the way you're telling it.

11:13Romesh Ranganathan:It's like, you're making it like it's a sexual thing. it's not a sexual thing. Wayne was really, really obsessed with his staff. He was like his best little friend. But don't tell the story like that then. I wasn't trying to tell her. My point was, Wayne and the staff got on really well. They'd eat dinner together, they'd get in a shower together, they'd lie in bed together, right? Right. Like, and sleep and whatever, and go out for long walks and they'd do nice things together, right? It's that the staff loved that life because Wayne was on his own at the time that they got so accustomed to him, to each other that Wayne fell in love with the staff and the staff fell in love with Wayne so when when the staff had all of Wayne's attention he got back and it was the family were there they didn't give the staff the staff wasn't getting that love and commitment but also Wayne missed the staff and what I'm saying about the elderly neighbour because they've been fucking because they've been I don't know who knows my point is this right is that the neighbour has clearly built up enough affection to this cat that there was a time that they felt they could shave it for them because they felt that that was the right thing yeah so what i'm saying is you you can't just sever a bond like that like you know or maybe you should i don't know but i'm just saying that you've got to really go to i think going to the neighbor and having a conversation and go look this is our cat we feel a little bit thrown by the fact you decided to shave it it's slightly you know um maybe like you should have a break from each other for a while see how you both get on and then like after a while it's just like once you know the cat's fully healed.

12:34Maybe start like, you know, little integrating you back into each other's lives slowly but with boundaries. That just sounds

12:40Romesh Ranganathan:insane. It's like the most high maintenance, the most convoluted difficult way of doing this. What would you do? I think they should have a chat but they just go, look, don't, you know, the problem is they're going to shave the cat. What else is you going to do to the cat? Well, you don't know. By the way, that's the stuff you can see. Like Wayne was giving him McDonald's. Okay, so now she's fucking the cat. No, I'm saying Wayne was giving this stuff McDonald's. He was having like lovely food and whatever. His diet's changed. So then he's getting the two bob bits. What I'm saying is, right, you've got to be careful.

13:10Because you don't know. The cat's going around there. He's having like a big old gut full of sardines. You don't know.

13:16Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, sure. Look, the truth is, it's your cat. So if you want to put a collar on it and stop it going around there, that's where we're going. By the way, that means you've got to put a thing on the door. So you'd have to go to the name of God and put this thing. So it's an electric volt that hits the cat as it comes through your door. that's how those work yeah I don't know I mean they might have the bread scroll might have some other version of this yeah okay I'm just saying but um but the compromise position is to sort of agree a set of rules really I mean it sounds like the woman really likes the cat she made a mistake do you mean I feel a bit sorry for in a way she's not done it to be vindictive no but I'm saying that she thinks it's don't get me wrong by the way we're saying it's a shit could have been a god we don't know yeah it's a mad fucking thing yeah but I'm just saying that if there's a world where the bond between this woman and the cat is so enriched now that it's like they won't calm down.

14:07Yeah. But then you don't want like some sort of like you don't want to go like a stalker thing like they stop meeting up and like down the back of the alley.

14:17Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, we're actually trying to give real advice. I'm just saying. What are you talking about? They're going to have an affair. I'm just saying if she's so upset this person I keep saying this shit if this person is so obsessed with the cat we have to be careful that you know that everyone knows let's lay out cards or she kidnaps her yeah well that's the thing I was going to get out but I didn't want to oh okay anyway good luck I hope that helps so good so good so good new summer arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores now get ready to save big with up to 60 % off brands like Rag & Bone Levi's Adidas and Free People join the Nordic Club to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more.

15:00Romesh Ranganathan:Plus, buy online and pick up at your favourite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

15:10Romesh Ranganathan:Shall we do one more? Let's do one more. One more. Shall we give them one more? Oh my god, look at this. Opinion, do you want to read it or should I? Opinion, please. Was walking with family, we had seven dogs between us as I'm also helping out a lady who's not coping with her puppy. We were ambling along and chatting in the middle of Epping Forest while the dog sniffed and played. So far, so normal. Suddenly, I became aware of a screaming, posh voice from very far away. I asked a couple to repeat themselves, and they shouted, Your dog has done a poo! in a disgusted tone. A bit confused, I said, Thanks.

15:42Romesh Ranganathan:And we walked out on, only to hear shouts of, Pick it up, now! I politely replied that the forest is full of faeces, including cowpats, horse manure, deer poo, rabbit poo, and many more. And we're off path, and the poo eventually dissolves into the ecosystem. them but they were so angry and demanding ask them to report it and see how they got on i'm sure it's not an offense mid forest please discuss well i don't know about this mate i've got to say if a dog poos and what i can't work out is it's definitely their dog's poo because i think if your dog probably one of the there was seven dogs but yeah so i mean i'm like i'm of the opinion if your dog poos you pick it up it doesn't matter listen i think it's fair to say that cow shit horse shit seems to be given a different ranking to dog shit.

16:26Romesh Ranganathan:Well you know why right? We've talked about I'm sure we've talked about this before. But you know Why? But you know why. Why? Well because it's what the cows and horses Oh they eat grass. Yeah. Whereas dogs eat meat. Yeah they eat meat and processed food. So their shits are more disgusting. Yeah toxic. So does that mean I could shit? No because you eat you probably eat more processed food than anyone I know. That's true actually. Yeah. But anyone you know? No because you're vegan so loads of vegan stuff's ultra processed well you don't know my diet well nice you have to be found being a bit presumptuous there I apologize but I do know you like you do you like your faking and stuff I have it occasionally it's not my staple diet

17:07the last episode you just went oh cool I could take this this is literally the hill you're going to diet on. You don't know my diet. You don't know my fucking diet, mate.

17:25Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry. Literally. Flush cheeks. Fucking have it, mate. Anyway, I'm going to be... Look, thank you for listening to the podcast. I'm saying this as a pre-emptor. You've got to pick up dog shit, man. It has to be. And I will say this as well, just on the base. And it is like the kids playing in the forest. My kids are always playing in the forest. do kids run for the woods always really yeah nine times out of ten if they're not in the house they're in the forest anyway gone do you go for family they're like little fucking fairies constantly in the forest but you go for a nice walking on a Sunday with the family you got through some words I'm saying to you always in the woods go on and if there's poo out there you gotta be careful you don't really because I can blind a kid yeah it can do right now that don't baby yeah one episode of That's Life.

18:16Yeah. Yeah.

18:18Romesh Ranganathan:Is that what it is? Is that what it's called? That's Life with Esther Ransom? What? Is that what she talks about? I'm sure she talks about dog poo. Shout out Esther Ransom. We should have a special on her, by the way. Incredible human being. Yeah. I mean, we couldn't remember what the programme was or what she said.

18:34Romesh Ranganathan:We want to do an entire episode. Shout out Esther Ransom and all the crew. Yeah. Be like Esther Ransom. Anyway, the point is, you should pick up your dog shirt. Yeah, you should. And your cat poo. and also sometimes it doesn't matter if something's in a fence or not mid forest yeah don't do it yeah you thought I think you should pick up my yeah I think you have to pick up yeah similarly I think if people's horses shit they should pick it up yeah and cows you can chasing cows and rabbits I'm joking I'm joking rabbit poo is disgusting you get out under your nails yeah but if you got it in your shoe and you scratch your shoe okay Jesus Christ I think you're smearing it on someone's back.

19:16Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. There you go. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening and watching to another email episode of The Wolf for Now. The Wolf for Now. We are The Wolf for Now. Enjoy the bonus. Wolf. It sounded like you said enjoy the bonus. So folks. Wolfoutport at gmail.com For all of your inquiries. Not inquiries. Yeah. Inquiries. Inquiries. Questions. Anything you want us to do. like silly tasks or forfeits, let us know. Oh my God. Do you know what? It's just occurred to me. What? We can do the mukbang. Oh my God. We have been talking about mukbang. For three years. For three years. It's back in fashion, baby.

19:56So hit us with mukbangs.

19:58Romesh Ranganathan:Mukbang suggestions. Spare anyone one of us is plant-based. Yeah. And I'm not going to eat a lot of that processed stuff. But anyway. Yeah. Yeah. So just, I guess, I'll be eating some tofu and he'll eat an elk. Mukbang, baby. Mukbang.

20:21Romesh Ranganathan:Good energy in. Good energy out.

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